


A Little Different

by New_Blue_Stuff



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Youtube RPF
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Dystopia, Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Auras, Blood and Violence, Child Soldiers, Death, Drug Use, Execution, F/F, F/M, Games, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Guns, Humor, Kidnapping, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Military Training, Minor Character Death, Murder, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Panic Attacks, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Smut, Temporary Character Death, Unplanned Pregnancy, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-12
Updated: 2016-01-28
Packaged: 2018-05-13 07:34:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 181,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5700241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/New_Blue_Stuff/pseuds/New_Blue_Stuff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first wars brought the end of the majority of life on earth. Now, there are two remaining nations, who continue to fight. </p><p>Abnormals are human beings with special abilities, as a result of their genetics.</p><p>Chris and Phil are abnormals and have fought the war for as long as they can remember. Only now, they have to train a group of new abnormals, who need their abilities and bodies to be sharpened, alongside their usual responsibilities. They quickly find themselves getting attached, to some more than others.</p><p>However, the ending of the war is getting closer and closer, the stakes are getting higher and higher. </p><p>With change, comes risk.  How long does it take for the world to topple down?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic has been a long time coming, as pretty much everyone that talks to me knows. I just want to say thank you to everyone that's helped me with this. This fic is dedicated to mostly Stef, but also Joan, Bren, and Declan. You've all been great, and I love you all. 
> 
> Enjoy x

Phil watches the city below him.

It still fascinates him. All these years of seeing it do this exact same thing. The biggest city in the world still gives him chills.

Phil hears footsteps. He knows who it is. He always does.

Chris's mind is special.

'You annoyed?' Chris asks.

Chris walks over, he sits next to Phil, legs dangling over the side of the building too.

'A little.' Phil answers.

Chris takes a swig from his bottle. He starts to laugh.

'I guess you already know what I think.'

'I haven't been reading you.'

Chris nods at him, impressed.

'You're getting better with controlling it.'

Phil smiles at him. 'Are you?'

Chris rolls his eyes. 'Phil, you had to learn to control yours. I just blow things up when I get pissed off.' He drinks again. 'If anything, that's kind of useful.'

Chris passes the bottle to Phil. Phil tries to take it, but drops it over the edge of the skyscraper by accident. He gasps.

Chris simply puts his hand out, the bottle returns to his hand. The liquid falls back into it.

He passes the drink to Phil again. Phil drinks and gives it back.

'Is it okay if I read your mind Chris?' He asks.

Chris laughs. 'Phil, you're my best friend. Go ahead.'

Phil can't describe it. It's like turning on a light switch. Chris's mind is bright, an indescribable colour. It works similarly to Phil's. Which is still incredibly rare. Only a tiny percentage of the population have the necessary mutations to become 'abnormal'. An even smaller percentage have the mutations necessary to become like them.

Phil always feels calmer when he can read Chris. Chris's head is easy to access, like a work of art. Phil can see himself in Chris. He can read Chris's coherent thoughts, his ideas, little sparks of memory. It’s soothing.

Phil smiles.

'I love your mind.'

Chris rolls his eyes. 'You always say that.'

He takes another drink.

'So, we're going to train the new recruits?'

A flurry of activity in Chris's mind. Colours changing. Thoughts. Insecurities. Impulses. Dreams. Anger. His time being wasted. Reluctance.

'Looks like it.' Chris answers.

'You excited?' Phil mocks.

Chris's mind answers his question for him, but Chris answers regardless.

'I'm conflicted. They're giving us the older ones, only a couple of years younger than us. I still don’t really want to.'

Phil nods in agreement. 'It could be worse.'

They watch the city in silence for a while.

'Are you excited?' Chris asks.

'A bit.' A moments silence. 'I want to see if we can make a difference to them. Make this easier.'

Chris laughs. 'They've been ripped from their homes, their family. They're being held here. Forced to work for a government that doesn't really want them, doesn't really want us.' He takes another drink, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. 'We can't make this okay for them Phil. Things don't just happen, they all have a cause. These people will have a reason for being here.'

'We can teach them how to live-'

'-Survive. They'll never live again, just like we won't. It'll be worse for them.'

'How will it be worse for them?' Phil asks. Chris's thoughts so busy that he can't quite grasp the answer.

Chris grimaces. 'Because they remember living better than we do.'

Phil's mouth falls open. He shuts it after a second.

They watch the city until the sun comes up and the city wakes up with it.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Dan has scorch marks all over his 'room'.

Room means cell. He can't get out. They won't let him.

He just wants to go home. He won't hurt anybody. He won't. He’ll stop.

He cries again.

He still can't get his mind around it. He's an abnormal.

He'd only heard of them on the news. The screens that are always on outside the mines, where he would wait for his father to surface, even if no one is watching them.

He's heard about the success of abnormals in the second war. The damage that abnormals do when they aren't reported, how they're powerful and a threat.

The whole nation is afraid of him. His family had stood by and watched him get taken. Dan is dangerous.

He cries harder, sobbing in a ball. His back is against the door.

He just wants to go home.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Phil's walking back to his room. Chris stayed on the roof.

Phil's not sure why he took the long way. His hands are in his pockets. The weather has gotten colder ever since the first war.

The first war ended in the complete destruction of the earth, except for two nations, who, instead of going for peace and rebuilding the earth, have decided to carry on destroying it.

Even if Phil knows the full complexities and beauty of the human mind, he still doesn't understand it.

This part of the building is almost always empty. It holds new abnormals, but this is the fire side, and fire is the rarest element to be able to change.

Phil's surprised when he hears crying. Looking up, he sees the outline of an aura. The closer he gets, the more detail he can see.

Every aura that Phil sees is different, nobody has the same. It's impossible. However, just like some abilities are rare, some colours are stranger than others.

This aura is blue, a colour that's not uncommon. It has patches of yellow. A small amount of orange. A piece of pink, some green.

It's the colour black that Phil can't tear his eyes away from. Black in an aura is never good. The walls are too thick for Phil to be able to read the person's thoughts. He would have to lock onto their aura. Phil has only ever tried that once and it nearly killed him.

Phil notices a small hole in the door. He forgets that newcomers are put into cells. It's for their safety mostly, but also to keep them from running. New people don't always get it.

Phil recites the mantra in his head.

_'If you run, they will kill your family._

_If you're difficult, they'll kill someone you love to teach you a lesson._

_If you're compliant, you'll survive and your family will live. Choose.'_  

It's an easy choice once you think about it.

Everyone wants freedom, Phil included.

But that's impossible if you can see minds.

Or if you're Chris, it’s impossible if you can move objects with your head.

Or if you're a normal 'abnormal', if you can control an element.

_The different are never free._

Phil stands outside the cell of the crying person, the one that can control fire. He's not sure why, but he wants the black in their soul gone.

He knocks on the door. The metal echoes.

'What?' The person asks, voice thick with tears.

Phil frowns at the door. Their aura just got darker. Phil coughs.

'What's your name?' Phil asks, curious.

'You took me away. Shouldn't you know?' They shout.

'I didn't take you away. I've been here a long time. I'm like you.' Phil answers. He considers himself. 'Well, we're a little different.'

'How come?' The person in the cell asks.

'Your ability is element based, to do with nature. Mine is in my mind, mine's a bit rarer.' Phil replies.

The person laughs. Aura lightening slightly.

'What is this? Trading cards?'

Phil smiles.

'I didn't know they had those outside of this place. It was the only thing that kept me and my friend entertained when we were kids.'

Phil affectionately thinks back to playing card games with the other teens he was trained with. Chris and Phil used to team up and use their abilities to cheat, as always.

'They stopped them after a while, wasting so much paper on a game was stupid.' They respond.

'It wasn't a bad choice to waste paper on fun.' Phil retorts.

'It was when they were running out of trees in the desert.' They state. Their aura is almost completely blue, a warm shade. The black is now a darker blue.

'We do need those. Save the trees.' Phil announces.

'Save the trees.' They repeat. A smile in their voice, tears almost completely gone.

'I'm Phil.'

The dark blue turns lighter, matching the rest of the aura.

'I'm Dan.'

'You've got a big day tomorrow Dan.'

Dan's aura darkens.

'Really?'

'Don't be scared.' It lightens. 'You'll be okay. Training helps you get your ability under control. You'll make friends!' Phil reassures.

'I'm always scared...' Dan jokes, a pause. 'Are you my friend?' Dan asks. Phil smiles.

'I'm your friend.' Dan's aura goes back to that shade of blue. It changes quickly. It wouldn't surprise Phil if it's a complete different colour tomorrow. Phil doesn't care, as long as it's bright.

'What's your power Phil?'

Phil panics for a second. People find his ability invasive. He words it carefully.

'I can see auras and thoughts when I want to.'

Dan's quiet for a second. 'Can you see mine?'

'I can't see your thoughts. I've been checking your aura. Is that okay?'

Dan is quiet for another second. 'Yes.'

'What's your power?' Phil asks, he knows what it is anyway.

'Something to do with fire.' Dan responds. 'It can’t burn me.'

'That's a rare one.' Phil tells him.

'I'm not a mind reader.'

Phil laughs. 'No, that is rarer. Trust me. You'd rather have yours.'

Dan chuckles, aura bright.

'I'll take your word for it.'

Phil looks up and down the hallway.

'Dan, it's late. You need to sleep.'

'Okay. Goodnight Phil.'

Phil checks his aura one more time. He can see that Dan is moving.

'Goodnight Dan.'

He resumes his walk to his room.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris sighs. It was late when he got up here. Now it's early morning. He probably has to be training up his fucking pupils in a few hours.

He feels for them. Don't get him wrong. He's annoyed that he has to train them. But he's not going to take it out on them.

He thoughts fly around him. If Phil was here, he'd probably be getting a headache.

Phil's head works a thousand of times harder than most people's heads do.

Chris's brain works just as hard. But his mind can interfere with his external environment. He can move things, create invisible barriers. Explode people from the inside out without a trace. Snap necks.

The soft morning light means that when a van pulls up the building. He can see it. Those shelled armed guards that he's so used to, come out of it. They pull someone out of the back of the van, they're blindfolded. He can hear their words, screaming at the top of their voice.

'LET ME GO. I'LL-' Their words get turned into muffled screaming when a guard puts a hand over his their mouth.

Chris can appreciate that. He likes someone with fight in them. They're more likely to survive.

The person gets pulled into the building and out of Chris's sight.

Chris sighs once more. Pulling himself up. He begins to make his way to the main office to receive orders for the day for himself and Phil.

If all his trainees are like the person he saw fighting, maybe this won't be so bad.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The conversation with the large bald man, who’s name he has forgotten, was very one sided. Chris had to resist the urge to pin him against the ceiling and watch him dangle. He has a feeling that would have been pushing the line. He’d told him what his life is going to be like for the next few months.

The general gist had been that he is to train the five new abnormals they have 'collected' after the last month and go on at least two covert missions.

Such a high number of older trainees is unusual, hence they have decided they are worthy of their own training group. It wouldn't surprise him if they view this as training for him and Phil also. Yesterday's synopsis had been four abnormals. Looks like he's training that guy from earlier. Fun.

They claim that due to his well rounded experience with fighting on the front-line and with more covert missions, he will be good at this.

Chris thinks that his face said bullshit for him. The bloke looked nervous.

He loves it when they're scared of him.

He smiled. Said the script. 'Yes sir.' and 'Right, sir'.

They'd forced his copies of the folders of his to be students into his arms, told him he had half an hour to analyze them. They put him into one of the four training complexes. Into the meeting room of it.The room is square but large. It’s attached to a gym.

Last time he'd been in this room, he was twelve. He'd just completed his training.

He sits and the large oval table. Choosing the seat at the far end of the table. Near the few counter tops with a sink attached. He can see out of the window from his seat, look at some of the other government sky scrapers.

Chris puts his feet up on the table. He opens the first file. The text is all type written. He has a folder like this somewhere, granted his one will be a lot bigger.

He reads the first few lines.

**Name: Daniel James Howell.**

**Number: 1824**

**Origin Sector: 1, Desert.**

**Ability: Fire Control. Unable to be burnt.**

**Prospects: In consideration for-**

He drops the folders onto the floor and ends up kicking them under a desk, out of sight, pushing them into a corner with his ability.

Forgive him for not wanting to know what these people are condemned to.

The door opens. A guard pushes someone in. He looks at a young woman. Chris deducts who she is. The way he was taught to.

Head high, won't accept defeat, but she's forcing herself up. She's trying to look strong.

Good for her. She's read a book on body language.

Her eyes are red rimmed, she's been crying. Her arms are folded, putting a barrier between the two of them. Scared. She walks briskly. Throwing herself into a chair. She crosses her legs and glares at Chris.

_Oh man, she's fucking terrified._

Chris grins at her.

'Come here often?'

She carries on glaring. He smirks back. He takes his legs off the table. Figuring out his play. He leans forward. Forcing his posture into a more submissive form.

The door opens again. A man is escorted into the room.

This one isn't trying to hide his fear; or that he's been crying. His face is still blotchy.

Except Chris has been taught that trick, in fact he's doing it now. He checks over his stance. His breathing rate. Everything except his damn pulse. The other woman still radiates anger, whereas the new man radiates sadness.

The man looks at the woman and at Chris. He walks behind her, and to the other side of the table. Pulling out a chair an two chairs away from Chris and one chair away from her.

He viewed Chris as more of a threat. Good intuition then. Unless this guy is a trained professional, there's no way he could have read Chris. There's the possibility of course that this new guy picked her over him because he finds her attractive. But his dark eye colour makes noting his pupil dilation impossible, and other mannerisms are more prominent than attraction.

He looks at Chris.

'I'm Dan.'

Daniel Howell. Prefers Dan. Understandable.

Dan's looking for Chris to respond. Chris plays along, smiling in response.

'I'm Chris.' He doesn't offer a hand to shake, neither does Dan.

Dan turns to the woman.

'Who are you?'

She glares at him. Chris can see Dan getting uncomfortable, but he doesn't back down. Eventually, she talks.

'I'm Emma.' She almost spits out the words. 'Why are you so chipper?'

Chris likes her.

'Why are you so sullen?'

Dan's got spirit too. He's got potential here.

Emma snorts. The tension in the room decreases. All of them waiting for the next arrival.

'What do you think this is?' Emma asks, voice softer than before.

'I don't know. Apparently they help us control our powers and stuff.' Dan says. 'I could use that.' He adds.

Emma huffs. She sits back in her chair, signalling the end of conversation. She was going to smile when Dan mentioned learning to control their 'powers'. She didn't think anyone noticed, but Chris isn't like normal people.

The guard arrives again. A younger boy is pushed into the room. He lets the guard push him. His eyes are wide with shock. He's thinner than he should be. He looks at all of them in turn. Taking the seat closest to the door. His walk is clumsy. Tired. It seems painful. He screams panic. And something else that Chris recognizes, hunger.

None of them make an effort to speak to the boy. Chris guesses he has to. He coughs.

'I'm Chris. You are?'

The boy looks like he's going to throw up.

'I'm Troye. Troye Sivan.'

Chris nods. He has two more pupils to come in. Phil should be turning up too.

Another person gets pushed in, Chris only gets a glimpse of the guard this time. The others won't have seen them at all.

A woman. Short too. Chris likes the look of his pupils so far. She looks like another fighter. Blue eyes defiant. Her chin purposely up tilted. Her hands brought into fists. She pulls out the seat next to Troye. Away from Chris.

In fact, they've all sat away from him.

He's a little proud. They identified a faker and got themselves away. Even if it was subconscious, they've done well.

He can hear distant screams. Everyone in the room looks alarmed. Even if two of them are trying to cover it.

Two guards open the door. Nearly hitting Chris's most vulnerable pupil. He's tempted to send these guards of running. But he can't do that again. He can't risk pissing them off anymore.

They drag in a young male. He's been gagged, his hands tied behind his back. He's fighting the two. Kicking at them. Acting on unharnessed panic. Chris feels for him. They force him into the chair next to Chris. He stops screaming. His deep breaths and curled figure giving away his fear. He glares up at the guards.

Phil walks in. The people sitting around the table seem more surprised and afraid of him than of anyone else.

One guard leaves. The other walks over to Phil.

'That one is difficult.' They point at the young gagged male, like it wasn't fucking obvious who they were talking about. 'We'd suggest keeping him like that and working around it.'

Phil stares at them. Chris knows this tactic. Eventually, they get uncomfortable and leave. Using the fear that the guards have of them against them is Chris's favourite thing.

Phil shuts the door after them. Clapping his hands afterwards, like he's getting dust off them.

Phil looks back at all the people in the room, going around the circle. He takes a longer amount of time on Dan and Troye. Chris knows that he won't be reading their minds, just their auras.

Emma speaks up.

'Are you the one that's going to be 'training' us then?' She inquires.

Phil raises his eyebrows at Chris, not surprised, He looks back at Emma.

'You were supposed to meet your teacher when you arrived. I'm the assistant.' Phil states.

'Where the fuck are they then?' Emma questions, not rude or demanding, curious.

'Oh, I can think of a place.' Phil retorts.

Chris laughs. Every single pair of eyes is on him. He carries on laughing.

'Buddy, you should have seen it. There's hope for this lot.' Chris giggles.

Eyes widen.

Phil rolls his eyes. 'Did you learn anything from that? Or were you just bored again?'

'Bit of both.'

Phil glares at him. 'Really?'

'What?' Chris asks.

'A bit of both?'

Chris smiles. 'Did you just make a bisexual joke?'

Phil sighs. 'I might have done.'

'Aw, Phil.'

Dan gasps at the name. Phil turns and smiles at him.

'Hey Dan.' Phil turns back to his conversation with Chris. 'Did you learn anything? Or should we get on with introductions?'

'Well...' Chris points at Troye. Troye looks like a deer caught in headlights. 'He needs to eat.' Phil nods.

'We can sort that.'

'Everyone that chose where they got to sit-' He looks over at the gagged male who's looking back at him. '-managed to avoid me. So I'm guessing everyone has good instincts. Dan was probably best. He had the hardest choice.'

'Good. Anything else my liege?' Phil teases. Chris motions to the tied up guy. Most of his face is not visible, Chris looks at the rest of him for the first time. His eyes are striking. His figure is the kind that Chris appreciates. Chris could have fun with him.

'We need to get his gag off.'

Phil nods.

'That everything?'

'I think so.' Chris thinks for a second. 'Oh, who's got the most interesting aura?'

'You.' Phil jokes.

'Fuck off.' He retorts with a chuckle.

'Probably him.' Phil points to the gagged male. 'But only because he's the most scared and it's changing the quickest.'

'Who's least scared?'

'Her.' He points at Emma.

'Wait, did you say you can read auras? Auras are real?’ Emma asks.

'Yes.' Phil deadpans. She starts to talk but Phil cuts her off, looking at Troye 'I'm going to go get him something to eat. I'll be back. You can handle this right?'

Phil starts to open the door again. He sounds genuinely unsure. Chris smiles.

'Phil, I can handle some newbies.'

'Alright.'

With a nod, Phil leaves the room.

Everyone looks at Chris.

'Well, I'll be fucking honest with you. I've never done this before.' Chris laughs. 'It's always best to start at the beginning.'

Chris stands up. Going to the window and opening it. The room has gotten stuffier.

'What's the beginning?' Dan asks.

Chris grins at him.

'Your name, your ability, and what ever the fuck got you into this mess.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'What do you mean whatever got us into this mess?' Dan questions.

'What triggered you.' chris answers.

'Triggered us?' Emma demands.

Chris laughs again.

'I forget how little normals know about us.' He turns back around and returns to his seat. He looks up to the left. 'So do you know how you have these abilities?'

The woman who's name he doesn't know speaks up for the first time.

'We had the genetic potential for it. The bombs they dropped at the end of the first war sped up the mutation rate. That's why we have so much food even though there's a war. The plants mutated and evolved. We did too.'

Chris smiles at her.

'You've listened to the televisions.'

She stares back, it turns into a small smile.

'I was out there for two months with this before I got caught.'

Chris nods, impressed.

'Wow, I only lasted a day.' He lets out a huff of air. 'Then again, I was six. You had the advantage.'

He looks back up at his pupils. All of them looking at him with wide eyes. Chris shrugs at them.

'You were six?' Dan demands.

'Yes...'

'Have you been here since you were six?' Troye asks.

'Maybe...'

'Shit.' Emma states.

Chris laughs. 'Wasn't that bad, I had friends.'

'How did you get caught that early?' Dan questions. 'Surely you didn't have your power.'

Chris laughs again. 'That's a talk for a different day.'

'I think it's a talk for now.' The nameless woman states.

He glares at her.

'What are you called?'

'Zoe Sugg.'

'Don't push it Zoe. I could kill you in ten seconds flat if I wanted to.' He snarls. 'Two seconds is my record.'

He leaves out that in the two seconds, he took out five soldiers.

All of them towards the floor, Chris stares at them.

The only one that doesn't look away is the gagged one. His green eyes pierce Chris's. Chris takes a second to appreciate their beauty.Chris raises his eyebrows at him. The gagged man does the same. Chris laughs.

Chris hears the footsteps of Phil. Chris opens the door for him, it flies open; He's careful to not hit Troye.

Everyone in the room is shocked. All of them knowing that the door is manual and that Phil didn't open it.

Phil walks through, Chris closes the door after him.

Phil puts a bowl of steamed flavored rice and a fork in front of Troye.

'Eat this.' He puts some fruit bars on the table. He addresses the rest of the table. 'Take one of these if you want one.'

'Aw, you're like a mama bear.' Chris comments. Phil rolls his eyes at him. He moves and takes a seat between Chris and Dan.

The hear the noises of metal against the bowl as Troye begins to slowly eat.

Phil smiles at Troye. He turns back to Chris.

'What's everyone's names?' He asks.

Chris goes around the circle.

'Phil. Dan. Emma. Zoe. Troye.' He jumps the short distance. 'The trouble.'

The gagged guy rolls his eyes and Chris chuckles.

'I thought you said you were going to take that off.'

'Nah, he's pretty like that.'

The gagged guy raises an eyebrow at him.

Phil sighs. He stands up, walking behind the gagged man, loosening the knot with a few tugs. The gag comes off.

Phil taps him on the shoulder.

'If you scream, or say anything we don't like. This goes back on.' Phil gestures to the gag. 'We want to help you. It's not our fault you're here.'

'It's not mine either.' The man responds. Chris and Phil snort. Phil returns to his seat. 'I'm Pj.' The man adds.

Chris appreciates the gagged males face without a gag. It’s nice.

'Hey Pj. I'm Chris.'

'Is Chris short for Christopher?' Dan asks. Chris glares at him.

'It might be Daniel.'

Dan chuckles. 'Alright.'

'Have you gone through their triggers with them yet?' Phil questions. Chris looks at him with a smile.

'I was about to explain what that is. Do you want to?'

'Sure.' Phil smiles at the group. 'Your trigger is the event that meant that your ability become active, rather than dormant.' Some of the group nod, Dan looks confused.

'For example, a person that can control water, might have nearly drowned. Their ability kicked in to save them. Your trigger is always related to the ability you have. The trigger doesn't choose what ability you have.' Chris adds.

'So the same water user might have nearly burnt to death, but because they couldn't control fire, their genes didn't help them?' Dan queries.

'Exactly. So we will go around the circle and ask what element you control, what sort of ability you have. Then if you want, we can go through what triggered you.'

'Is what triggered you important?' Zoe inquires.

'It is important for you to know and recognize it, it effects what motivates you as an abonormal. It's not that important for everyone to know.' Phil responds. 'Dan, do you want to start?'

Dan takes a deep breath. 'Sure.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'I can control fire. I'm also immune to it.' Dan exhales. 'I can't create it.'

'That's not unusual. Would you like to be able to make it?' Chris bites his nails whilst he talks. His glance occasionally scans the room.

'I don't know.' Dan answers honestly.

'Because if we work on that. It's a possibility.'

'How does this whole teaching thing even work?' Dan asks.

'Basically, we have to get your physical strength and stamina up. At the same time, we have to teach you physical combat.'

'You're going to make us into soldiers.' Dan states. 'We don't have a choice. Do we?'

Chris could lie, like he was lied to. He doesn't. These people deserve better than that.

'No. You don't. So you have to work hard, learn to use your ability. Because this is what will keep you alive.'

'What else do you teach us?'

'When you have your physical level up, we keep it there. We work more on harnessing your ability.' Chris thinks back to what he can remember of his training. 'We also teach you how to use a load of weapons at that point.'

'After that?' Dan asks.

'We focus on your preferred weapon. Your physical strength. And giving you control over yourself. Then, your training finishes.'

'Then what?' Pj demands. Chris looks at him. Raising an eyebrow.

'Then you go wherever they tell you to go.' Chris retorts. 'Or they kill you and everybody you loved.'

'Chris...' Phil scolds.

'They're not children Phil.'

'They haven't seen anything yet. They in many ways, are.'

Chris and Phil lock eyes. Staring at each other.

'Then it's time for them to grow up.' Chris turns to face Emma. 'Your turn.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'I can control water, move it and shit. I can draw it up from the ground too.' Emma huffs. 'But seeing as we're not on the ground, I can't really show you that.'

'We can work around it.' Chris grins.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'You now Zoe.' Chris instructs.

Zoe smiles before answering. Nervous coping habit, Chris notes.

'If things get too much for me, the earth begins to shake.'

'So earth, ground manipulation specified.'

'What?'

'There's two different subsections to each element. Your ability over earth is different to someone how may be able to create new life in the earth. You can manipulate the ground.' Chris points at Dan and Emma. 'They're both manipulators of their element. Because, like you, they control it. Manipulators are more common. I'm one too.' Chris explains.

Zoe makes a noise of apprehension and nods.

The room turns to Troye. He's just finished eating. He's more awake and alert. His posture changed. Though he has his shoulders slouched and arms crossed.

'I don't think I'm a manipulator.' Troye admits.

'Just makes you more interesting.' Phil says. 'I'm not one either.' Chris huffs.

'I can make water boil. Freeze it.' Troye smiles to himself. 'I can breathe in it. '

Chris nods. 'Pretty cool. All of that can help you.'

'Really? I don't think it's that impressive.'

'No, the water temperature thing is pretty standard for a water analyzer. Most often it's boil, freeze and the ability to dry things immediately. I don't think I've met anyone else that can breathe underwater.'

Troye smiles. 'It was the first thing I got. It does hurt a bit though.'

Chris smiles back. 'Something to do with your trigger?'

'I went swimming in the lakes.’ The others nod at this. Phil and Chris don’t. ‘I Stayed under for too long. Panicked and then I was...okay. It took me a while to figure out what happened. It went like you said.'

'How did you get caught?' Zoe asks.

Troye's smile dies.

'Some other swimmers saw me stay underwater for half an hour and come up fine. My family was screaming for me.'

They all sit in silence remembering their loss.

'You're keeping them safe by being here. You're fighting for them. Remember that.' Chris states. Troye's smile comes back.

'Thank you.'

'You can thank me by living.' Chris smiles.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'So Pj-' Chris turns to face the man beside him. He's been quiet. Watching the whole time. '-I know things are harder for you because you've had barely any time to adjust to being here. But do you want to share what your abilities are?'

Pj frowns. 'How did you know that I've not been here long?'

'I saw you get taken in this morning.' Chris states.

'Why didn't you-'

'Because I was on the roof. You were on the ground still. And there was nothing I could have done.'

Pj bites his lip. 'Okay.'

Pj doesn’t say anything more. Chris raises his eyebrows at him.

'Do I have to guess your ability?' Chris asks.

'Don't you have a folder you can read?' Pj sasses.

'Is a subsection of your ability being a moody dickhead?' Chris retorts.

Pj glares at him.

'I can heal things. Make plants grow.' Pj deadpans.

Chris nods. 'Earth analyzer. Cute, it matches your eyes.'

Pj starts off glaring at Chris but ends up smiling, a small laugh going through him. Chris winks at him.

Phil interrupts. 'Healing? That's pretty impressive.'

Pj's eyes widen for a second. 'Is it?'

'There's only about ten healers in total.' Phil mentions.

'Eight earth analyzers can heal. Including you. Four water analyzers can too, none of them are quite as skilled as the earth ones though.' Chris adds.

'How many of us are there in total?' Pj asks. Chris gives him a long look. His eyes scanning the symmetry of his face.

'Two hundred and fifty at the moment. But it’s always changing. There's roughly eighty earth users. About ninety water users. Fifty air users and thirty fire users.' Chris promptly answers. 'I did some managerial work for a while. I keep track. ’

'Plus us.' Phil adds.

'Plus us.' Chris reassures.

'How are you different?' Emma asks.

Phil and Chris exchange a look.

'Alright. So you know how you all have element control? And how your genetic mutations have allowed you to control your external world?'

'Yes.'

'Yeah.'

'Basically, Phil and I don't control an element.' Chris states.

'Our ability is based in our minds. They allow us to interpret or intercept the world differently.' Phil explains.

'It's how he can read minds and auras. Because he has mutated to be able to do that, instead of use an element.' Chris adds.

'What can you do?' Pj asks. Force behind his voice. Chris reads his body. He's still scared. There's an interesting dilation in his pupils.

'I'm telekinetic.' Chris leans forward and whispers. 'I can move things with my brain.' Pj laughs. Chris smirks.

'Is it a lot rarer?' Troye asks, chewing on a fruit bar.

'There's only three of us in total. Phil is the only one who is a analyzer apposed to a manipulator.'

'We all have completely different abilities too.'

'It's essentially the same as you. Except our abilites is to do with our own minds, not the elements.'

'Is it not dangerous?' Dan innocently questions. Chris and Phil both flinch.

'It has side effects.' Chris answers, faking a smile.

'Like what?'

Chris and Phil exchange a look.

Chris turns back around.

'I lose control when I get angry.' Chris laughs. ‘I have memory problems. I forget details, or more than details. Occasionally, I’ll forget everything for a while but it always comes back.’ He shrugs it off.

'I can't use mine all the time. Or I go insane.' Phil sums.

They both leave out the further consequences of having so much power rest in them. The fear people have of them. Even abnormals.

'Just little ones then.' Zoe jokes.

Chris laughs.

'We've got it under control.'

Chris stands up. Walking to the door that links to the gym next door.

'We starting training then?' Phil asks.

'We've got the whole of the day left. Might as well get started.'

Phil stands up too. Walking over to Chris. The others each take a turn to stand.

'What do you want me to do?' Phil questions.

'Spar with me when I need it. Keep an eye on Troye-'

'-Why do I need to be kept an eye on?'

'Because I don't think you've eaten in a few days. You shouldn't be learning to punch things.' Troye begins to protest. He gets cut off by Chris. 'Shall we begin?'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The room has a section of flooring raised up. A fighting platform Dan guesses. There's some treadmills in one corner. Dan hopes they won't be on those too much. A weight selection next to the running machines.

An open door, leading to a room the same size, with walls covered in a variety of weapons.

Then there's the punching bags.

Chris starts laughing at the looks on everyone's faces.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Even if Phil can read his mind, Phil's not used to combat. Chris can overpower him easily.

Chris flips him onto his back again, pinning him with his knee.

Chris grins down at him. 'You're supposed to be putting up a fight Philly.'

Phil grins back up.

'Fight me then.'

Phil pushes Chris back up. A normal person would have fallen onto their back. Chris uses his power to keep himself up and on his toes. Phil knows this, landing a punch to his chest.

Chris tries to clear his mind. Making it harder for Phil to read.

Of course, Phil can still read him. But Chris is thinking about of lot of things. Phil's reading time is delayed.

Chris kicks out at Phil's knee. Forcing him to take steps back. Phil cries out.

'Tell me when you give up.' Chris taunts.

'Tell me when you stop thinking with your dick.' Phil retorts. Earning a chuckle from their pupils.

Chris grins. 'I never will.'

Chris spins around, kicking Phil in the stomach. Sending him back to his knees.

Chris's eyes fly upwards. Phil's body follows their path. He finds himself pinned against the ceiling. Surrounded by metal supporting beams.

'I forgot how much you fucking cheat when you spar.' Phil says, glaring at down him.

'You're allowed to use abilites. I'm not cheating.' Chris points out.

'This is still not exactly fair.' Phil responds.

'Your enemy might be able to do what I can do Phil.'

'I'd get you to fight them, so fuck you.'

'Nah, I'm getting too much action as it is.'

'Like fuck, you are.'

Chris begins to slowly spin Phil around in a circle. His pupils look enthralled. Troye and Dan looking like they want to stop him.

Chris looks at Pj, who's smiling at him.

Chris looks back up at Phil.

'You having fun?'

Phil crosses his arms. 'I hate you.' He pouts.

'Nah, you love me.'

Phil snorts. 'Debatable.'

'All you have to do is admit I won. Then we can start training these guys.' Chris gestures to the pupils. All of them sitting on nearby benches which line the walls. The fighting platform is slightly risen.

Phil laughs. 'I concede. Now put me down.' Chris smirks. Phil shouts as an afterthought. 'Gently!'

Chris lowers him to the ground. Allowing him to get his feet back.

Chris turns back to his pupils.

'Learn anything from that?' He asks.

All of them look to each other to speak first.

'Surely you should have held him up first.' Pj points out. Looking solely at Chris. 'The fighting was pointless because of your ability.'

Chris considers him.

'You have a point. When I first got in the front-line, I used my ability most of the time, but you guys needed to see some combat and I have to indulge Phil.' Chris turns and grins at him. 'It's the only reason he keeps me around.'

Phil laughs. 'I'm considering getting rid of you. I'm going to get bruises tomorrow.' Phil lifts up the bottom of his shirt to show the damage.

Chris grimaces. 'Fuck. Sorry. Go get an ice pack on that.'

Phil nods at him. Pulling his shirt over his head. He throws it at Chris. Chris catches it.

Phil begins the walk to the medical cupboard. Chris looks back at his pupils.

He spots a change in Dan's body posture. His breathing rate upon analysis.

He's almost sure that there's a dilation in the pupil there.

He smirks.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Who wants to go first?' Chris asks. He gestures to the raised area of flooring that he stands on.

'Aren't you going to show us anything first?' Zoe questions.

Chris winks. 'No. You'll pick it up. Then we can work on whatever you guys are lacking in.'

'I'll go.' Dan pipes up. Chris raises his eyebrows. He'd thought it would be Emma. 'But you need to give me a lighter.'

Chris smirks.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Phil throws the lighter at Dan. To Dan's surprise, he catches it.

Dan turns to face Chris. Chris has taken his shoes off now. His stance is open. Quick to move.

Dan is regretting this.

'Don't put me on the ceiling.' He demands.

Chris scratches his head. 'I won't be that mean. Phil should have known better.'

Dan flips the lighter, a flame bursts into burning. He’d missed it so much.

Dan remembers when fire was just fire. Something warm to hold onto when it got cold at night. The places outside the main city don't much get power.

Now, fire is all consuming. All it took was getting too close to a camp fire. It's elegant and beautiful. It's power in physical form. Dangerous and enticing.

It's a part of him now.

'You ready?' Dan asks.

Chris nods. He's about to jump into action when Dan quickly brings the lighter up to his mouth. He blows the flame. It grows in size, nearly consuming Chris. The room gasps.

Dan flips the lid of the lighter down. The inferno has left a black mark on the ground. The air is hot and uncomfortable.

Dan feels alive, like an addict that just got their fix.

Chris stands where the blaze was. Unharmed. Both of his hands out in front of him. He lowers one. Raising the other to grab a strand of his hair. He analyzes it.

'I think you singed my fringe.' Chris comments.

Dan grimaces. 'Sorry.'

'No, that was impressive. I'm fine-'

'-I could have hurt you-'

'Somebody should probably take me down a peg anyway.'

Phil interrupts.

'They definitely should.'

The others laugh.

Chris smiles. 'I was fine. And you won. I concede.'

Chris starts to walk away. Leaving Dan behind.

'But I cheated...'

'No, you didn't.'

'We didn't even fight.'

'If I'd been Phil, I'd be dead. I fucking concede Danny. Deal with it.' Chris goes and stands next to Phil. 'Who's next?'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Zoe makes the floor shake. The platform having been raised to accommodate manipulators of earth. Dan loses his balance. Ending up on the ground.

Dan flicks the lighter up. He grabs the flame. Keeping it alive in his palm. His fingers curl up around it, cradling it. Zoe walks over determinedly. Trying to pin him to the ground. She pauses spotting the fire. Dan pulls himself up. Keeping the fire aimed at her. She kicks out his legs. Making him land on his back. The fire goes out. She holds him to the ground using her body weight. Chris calls time.

'Good.' Chris commentates. 'Zoe used her brain.' Chris turns to Pj. 'Which is why we train combat.' He turns back to the two on the mat. 'Dan, I definitely think you have the potential to be able to create fire someday.'

Zoe pulls Dan up and onto his feet.

'Really?' Dan asks.

Chris rolls his eyes. 'Yes. You’re already skilled with it.'

Dan blushes. Chris smiles at him.

Chris stands up. 'Okay, I want Zoe and Emma up next.'

'I need some water to fight with.' She interjects.

'Of course.' Chris claps his hands together.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris finds himself continuously watching Pj, finding excuses to make him laugh.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Everyone, except Troye and Chris, is bruised by the end of the day.

'Learn anything from that?' Chris asks.

The group slowly nod, looking among themselves for reassurance. Pj looks straight at him. A bruise on his jaw that Emma left.

'I learnt you're a bit of a dick.' Pj comments.

Chris puts a hand over his heart, he feigns hurt.

'Why must you hurt me this way Pj?'

Pj smiles again. Chris likes it.

Chris turns to Phil.

Phil is smirking at him. Phil raises his eyebrows at him. Chris rolls his eyes in response. Looking purposely at Dan and back at Phil. Phil has the good manners to look bashful.

'Roof top tradition.' Phil reminds him.

'Oh yeah.' Chris looks back at his pupils. 'So since it's the first night of training, we all have to eat on the roof tonight. Anyone afraid of heights?'

'I've not even trained today.' Troye points out.

'Did you learn anything from watching?'

Troye shrugs. 'Some of what to not do.'

'Then you learnt something.' Chris deadpans. Pj laughs again. Chris smiles. 'Come on. I'll show you guys where you'll be sleeping while you train. You can have a shower there and then we'll go.'

'You have showers?' Zoe gasps.

'We're putting them into the spare quarters near our rooms. Orders.' Phil instructs Chris.

Chris frowns. 'When did you get orders?'

'Before I came here. They thought you'd be too busy initiating them to be dealing with the little things.'

Chris chuckles. 'Instead, I was giving them trust issues.'

'Why did you do that by the way?' Dan asks. The others all look at him. 'Lie to us.'

'I didn't lie. I let you think I was one of you to get a better read off you.'

Dan nods. 'Fair enough I guess.'

'I'm not going to lie to you. You all deserve better than that.' Chris adds. 'You're going to be lied to a lot for the rest of your lives.' Chris laughs.. His eyes wonder. 'God knows that I have been.'

Phil looks at Chris with sympathy, relating to and understanding his pain.

Phil reaches over, placing a hand on his shoulder. Chris jumps at the contact. Shaking himself out of mindset. He walks away. Leaving Phil's hand to fall back to his side. Chris walks to the door. Waiting expectantly for his pupils to follow him. Phil turns off the lights before they go.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

His door shuts behind him. He looks around at his room. There’s a bed, with clothes splayed on it. A wardrobe. Drawers. All of it solely his. He's never had that before.

Pj is finally alone. Finally.

He breathes out. Rubbing his face with his hand. He goes to the bathroom locking himself in. Apparently they have clothes in his size in the drawers ready for him. He'll change into those afterwards.

Electricity is still amazing him. He doesn't quite get how Phil and Chris seem so used to it. Then again, if Chris was here since he was six. It makes sense.

This day has been overwhelming. But he's glad he doesn't have to stay where the others stayed. It sounded like a prison.

Well, this is a prison.

A now he's a prisoner here. For the rest of his life, he's trapped.

He's doomed to become more powerful, to grow in his abilities, and be used.

If he could go back and change what happened, he knows he wouldn't.

In the end, she's still alive. Being trapped is worth it.

His life for hers. It's a fair exchange.

The shower turns on, the warm water surprises him. He's never had a hot shower before.

He begins to cry.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The shower made a suspicious amount of steam. It cleaned him though. He needed it. To wash away the last few days.

This has been the first time Pj's allowed himself tears.

He feels better for that too. He looks at himself in the mirror.

The mirror is something that ultimately shocks him. They'd only had one mirror at home. It was old. You could hold it in your hand. Metal and decorated with one large crack going up the middle. You could look at your small broken reflection in it. It was a relic from before the wars. Hundreds of years old. A rare antiquity. A luxury.

Pj has seen one mirror like this before.

He'd been a child. It'd been the first time they'd gone to the ration center with Louis’s dad , his own father, and his sister. He'd needed to use the bathroom. His sister had taken him while they got their yearly resources. The shared farm ownership meaning they got a larger share than most. Pj washed his hands and looked up from the sink. The mirror entranced him. He could finally see himself properly. To begin with, he'd thought it was another child. He recognized his eyes. Realized after a second that the boy, especially cleaned for the occasion, was him.

The realization had been too much. He'd never returned to the room.

He watches himself in the mirror in this moment.

He looks as clean now as he did then. His mother had cut his hair the day before they went to the ration center. His hair is longer now. He imagines that they will cut it off. He's seen the styles of the returned human soldiers. Then again, Phil and Chris have longer hair. He’s not human. Maybe he never has been.

He can't believe that this is his own mirror.

He guesses that at least this is a nice prison.

He looks at his reflection. Imagining the eyes that are his own, are not his own. That they are instead his sister's and his mother's. He closes his eyes and he can see his father's brown eyes.

He imagines that he is home. That he'd never gotten caught.

He knows the stakes. He stays, he works. They live.

Chris had made that clear. Killed any ideas for escape straight away. He's glad for it.

Chris is a different matter. He'd arrived at this place hostile. Ready to fight. Determined that if he was being forced to live this life, then he would make it clear that he was not happy with it. Chris made him laugh.

Pj turns to look at the bruise on his jaw. It's gone. Healed.

Typical.

His plays with the woven leather bracelet on his right hand for a second. It calms him. It always has done. He knows Sophie has one on her wrist too, exactly the same.

He breaks himself away from thoughts. He checks to see if it looks like he's been crying. It does. He ignores it.

He goes to investigate his potential clothing. He finds a white shirt and loose fitting black trousers on his bed. Training clothes.

He would question how they knew his size, but he doesn't think he really wants to know the answer.

He tests the drawers. Finding a lot of copies of the same outfit. White shirt. Black trousers. However there are variations of length of clothing in here. At the bottom of the drawer, he finds some different colored shirts.. He picks out a longer sleeved green shirt to wear instead, so he can roll up the sleeves. Pulling it into his skin, still slightly wet. The shirt is slightly too tight but Pj doesn't change it. He finds some underwear. Socks. Finally he finds shoes.

He goes back to the bathroom. Looking at himself in the mirror again.

He doesn't think he's ever worn anything this expensive before. All of this is machine made, normally just worn by government officials. By people that live in the main city. But then again, he is in the main city.

He's never been before. He wishes his sister could see it. Without threat. She'd been awe struck by the idea of a place with a thousand times more lights than the ration center. And more wondrous inventions to top it off.

She'd have loved it.

Most of the clothes he’d owned were made by himself. He looks down at the ones he was brought in wearing. He'd been the only one at training who was still in their original clothes. Which makes sense, he was the only one that only arrived today.

Today. This time yesterday he was...

It does him no good to think about the past. He shakes it off. Leaving his clothes discarded on the bathroom floor. He turns off the lights, practically punching the wall, and slams the main door after him.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Nobody else is outside yet. Pj moves to where Phil and Chris told him to wait. He hears a voice.

'You didn't take long.'

He turns, seeing Chris walking towards him. Chris is pulling a shirt on over his head. His eyes linger on exposed flesh.

'Has nobody around here ever heard of wearing clothes before you leave your room?'

'What's the thrill in that?' Chris grins at him, adjusting the bottom of his shirt. Chris looks back up at Pj. Pj is slightly shorter than him. Only slightly, which is rare. Chris is what is known as lanky.

His eyes really are an interesting colour. A bright green. 'What?' Pj asks.

Chris smiles at him. 'Your shirt is wet.' He points out.

Pj snorts. 'Wow, it's like all your dreams came true.'

'Only some of them.'

Chris winks and Pj falls into hysterics.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Phil stays around the corner. Out of sight. Silent, the way he was taught to be. Nobody wants a noisy soldier. Even if Phil mostly stays at base.

He is watching Chris talk to Pj. He was going to go straight in, but Chris's aura had taken him off guard. He had to analyse it further.

He doesn't want to read his mind. He doesn't think he could anyway. There's so many thoughts spinning in Chris's mind at normal times. Right now, he's in overdrive.

The thing that is bright is now practically blinding.

It overshadows Pj's aura. Not that it isn't interesting by itself.

Earlier on, Pj's aura had been changing from second to second. Colours being added and taken away. Brightness changing. Intensity fluctuating. It was like a paint pallet being used by an insecure artist.

Now it's resting at a light green. Yellow at the edges. Dark blue in the middle. A pin point of black. Not enough to be concerned.

Both of their aura's mix in the middle. Where they touch, they meld. This only happens with compatible people. Phil doesn't think his mixes with anyone's. Then again, he can't see his own aura. He might surprise himself.

Emma comes out of her room. Both of their auras dim. But stay brighter than they were.

Interesting.

Phil walks to them. They greet him with a smile which he returns.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Phil got their food taken to the roof for them. There's stuff waiting for them once they reach the roof.

Chris runs to the edge.

'Be careful.' Phil demands.

'Well now I want to jump off the roof.' Chris turns and says. He looks down at the road below him. Nobody outside of the government is allowed to drive cars. So the roads are empty.

Chris remembers in this moment that most of his pupils will have only seen anything like the city in government posts. Defense stations, soldier recruitment, ration centers. They won't have seen this many lights before. Chris has grown up with them.

They all have varied looks of awe of their faces. Zoe looks like she wants to touch the electricity. Dan looks like he wants to run. Emma is in a state of shock. Troye is a mix of all three. Pj is unreadable, he looks like he's in pain.

'Isn't it dangerous?' Pj asks. Chris frowns at him.

'Isn't what dangerous?'

'Having a roof here.' Pj says.

'No.' Chris answers.

'Do you think anybody ever has fallen off?' Pj questions.

'There's two hundred and fifty living abnormals who live in this building and fight for this 'nation'. Yet you're abnormal number 1827 Pj.’ Chris looks at Pj. 'Take what you will from that.'

Pj huffs out amusement. Looking at Chris while everyone else takes in the city. 'You think it's likely.'

'Maybe.' Chris and Pj lock eyes. It feels comfortable. Pj smiles at him.  
Chris can’t help but smile back.

The others wake up from their daze. All of them having listened. Despite being side tracked.

'I'm number 1826.' Troye adds.

'1824.' Dan contributes.

'1825.' Zoe mumbles.

'1823.' Emma finally says.

Chris laughs. 'I'm number 1240.'

Phil smiles. '1301'

Dan's eyes widen. 'You mean there's been five hundred new abnormals since you arrived?'

'And only two hundred are alive?' Emma demands.

'I've been here for twenty one years guys. It’s a war.' Chris reminds them.

The group are all taken back by the knowledge.

Hearing it in amount of years is different. Hearing that amount of time having been ripped away from Chris.

Phil grimaces. 'I've been here for nineteen.'

Dan visibly flinches. Pj nods.

'So what's this whole thing about anyway?' Pj asks.

'Deep.' Dan comments. The group glare at him.

'So basically we eat food on the roof and ask each other questions.There's no cameras up here so it's free to talk time. We do it on the last day of training too. Just an little initiation thing.' Chris explains. Trying to recall when he did this. It was years ago and it's impossible to remember.

'Are there cameras everywhere?' Pj asks, nervous. Chris shakes his head.

'Not in your rooms or anything. I checked. They used to have more cameras but then some people destroyed them. I love fire users. That was a fun day.'

Chris smiles into the distance. Everyone except Phil looks confused.

Phil laughs. 'Shall we begin?'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The others all eat together in a circle. Phil leads the conversation. Encouraging the others to talk. They normally avoid the painful stuff on the first night. You discover that about a person as you grow to know them, then they get ripped away from you.

At least he still has Phil.

Chris isn't hungry. He sits apart from them. Watching the city below.

A voice surprises him.

'It's amazing.'

He turns to his side. Pj is there, watching the life below also. The light plays on his skin in a peculiar fashion. Making Pj seem mysterious, as well as beautiful.

Chris smiles. 'I think so.'

'I've never seen anything like it.'

'You wouldn't have.'

Pj sighs. 'My sister always wanted us to come to the city. Wanted to visit. It was her dream. The both of us here.'

Chris frowns. 'What happened?'

'It's super weird. I don't know.' Pj answers. 'It was only yesterday.' He laughs. The laugh is sad, more to fill space than show amusement. Chris wants it to be real.

'Do you want to talk about it?' Chris questions. Pj turns to look at him.

'Do you want to talk about you?' Pj retorts.

Chris smiles. 'You first.'

Pj sighs and reluctantly agrees.

'There were soldiers coming through our village a week ago. Coming back to the city from the front-line.’ Pj’s voice cracks. ‘One tried to hurt my sister. They succeeded. Shot her through the chest.'

Chris isn’t surprised.

'Why?' Chris interjects.

'I don't know.' Pj admits. 'But I saw it happen. I ran to her. She was dying in my arms...and then she wasn't.'

Chris smiles. 'You healed her.' Pj smiles at him. Chris gets an odd feeling swell up in him. He tries to block it out.

'The bullet came out. She ended up with a tiny scar.' Pj grimaces. 'The soldier saw. Ran away. We thought we'd gotten away with it. We went back to our farm.'

'You had a farm?'

'My parents and their friends do. I grew up on it. I had five days there. I couldn't heal anybody else again. But I made plants grow. My parents were shocked but accepted it. We all know what I am.' Pj sighs. 'They turned up. Same soldier as before. Took me away. Last thing I saw was my sister getting cut in the face trying to protect me.'

'She'll be fine.' Chris reassures him.

'How do you know?'

'Because you're here. They wouldn't kill her because that would split your loyalty.'

Pj snorts. 'My loyalty?'

'If your sister was dead, would you have a reason to stay here?'

Pj stays silent for a second. Looking down at the lights of the city. It's quieter than he thought it would be.

'No.'

'Then she's alive.'

Pj looks back at Chris. 'Thank you.' That feeling is immediately back. It’s unfamiliar to Chris, he lets it stay.

Chris smiles. 'You don't have to. Tell me about your sister.'

Pj frowns. 'I thought we were going to talk about you.'

'I'm not in the mood.’ Chris lies. ‘What's she like?'

Chris can tell from Pj's smile that he loves her. His body has relaxed. His breathing deeper and more frequent. She makes him happy. Chris aches to feel that too. To see his parents again.

It'll never happen.

The same way that Pj will never see his sister again.

'Funny. She makes me dribble laughing sometimes. Sarky too. I think it rubbed off on me-'

'You can say that again.'

Pj smiles at him. Chris thinks it's as interesting as his eyes.

'Our dad is sarcastic too. My mum's the sweetest woman you'll ever meet. But she's strong. She won't take any shit.' Pj continues.

'I think you might have got a mix of all of them.' Chris interjects.

Pj smiles at him, eyebrows lowered.

'I'm not sweet.'

Chris can't help himself.

'You could be sweet.'

Pj laughs. 'Yeah, right. I'm practically sugar covered.'

Chris laughs with him. 'I'm salt covered so it's okay.'

Pj swats at him. 'No, you're not. All you've been to all of us is nice.' Pj raises his eyebrows at him. 'Sweet even.'

Chris feels suffocated by the laughter that follows Pj's words.

'Nice.' Chris comments.

'I'm new to this.' Pj reminds him.

Chris smiles at him. He drowns in the look on Pj’s face. 'I know.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris comes to the conclusion that Pj is pretty fucking hot about an hour in.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Where did you live?' Chris asks. It's late now. Chris can tell it is, but he's wide awake. They’ve been talking the night away. Pj leaving a pleasant feeling in Chris’s stomach.

'What?' Pj responds. Chris and Pj are still separate from the rest of the group. Chris listens in to Troye talking about his family for a second. Zoe occasionally pitching in with similarities. Emma joking.

'I mean, there's the two sides to the city and then the five sectors of the rest of the nation. I know you didn't come from this part of the city of the civilian one-'

'What's this part of the city?' Pj interjects.

'This is the government center.' Chris answers. Pj nods. 'So which of the sectors did you come from?'

'I came from the mountains. But I was close to the lakes. They were only a few hours away.'

To the south of the city, there's the mountains. The mountains are one of the richer sectors. Their ration centers never running out of stock. They have plenty of water, meaning that the land can be cultivated.

Chris laughs. 'Maybe you could have run into Troye.'

'I think Zoe said she came from the lakes too.'

The east of the nation contains the lakes, fresh water. The lakes provide most of the water for the whole nation. The people that live there either work for the government or in their communities. Beyond the lakes are the sea. Very few people go there. The other nation resides at a south west direction to the main city. It’s surrounded by oceans.

'Sounds right.' Chris affirms. 'Dan's from the desert.' He states.

The deserts are in the north, the conditions are harsh. The only work there is mining. But the mining is constant. The population is high because of this.

Pj nods. 'Where's Emma from?'

'I think she said the marshlands.'

To the west, the marshlands. They get a lot of disease there. It has the lowest population of any sector. But those that do live there are successful. The land is perfect for cattle farming. There are a lot of close knit communities. The government have problems with this sector. Because when abnormals appear there, they rarely get turned in. Whole villages protecting their people.

‘A full set.’

Chris chuckles. ‘Yeah.’

Both of them fall into silence again. The group behind them laugh at something Dan said. Chris imagines that he's proud but blushing.

A lone walker crosses the road hundreds of floors behind them. Chris thinks he can see a glowstick on their hand. Or a glowing bracelet. Either way it's a luxury. They've probably never gone hungry in their whole life. Those that are lucky enough to live in the city never are. The people in the farmland surrounding it don't tend to be either.

The farmland is the richest sector, as well as the most populated. They feed the city and themselves. As well as providing the rations for the other sectors. Most of the other sectors provide some substance for themselves however.

This lecture is drilled into the head of every child in this nation. How the nation works. The five sectors protecting each other, working together. Each sector named after it’s physical attributes due to the change the bombs left. In the same way the danger of abnormals is drilled into children’s heads in school.

The government never wants that to happen again. So logically, they’re at war.

'Where are you from?' Pj asks. Chris is surprised by the questions. Eyes widening.

'The mountains.' Chris laughs. 'I think.'

'You think?'

Chris bites his lip. 'I don't remember. I think I remember someone taking me up one once.'

'Close your eyes.' Pj instructs.

Chris laughs but plays along, closing them.

'Can you see it? The place you grew up?'

Chris chuckles. 'Yes.'

'The grass is green. The new green, mostly yellow but rich.' Pj sounds sad. 'The grass has little purple flowers in it. Occasionally yellow ones. My sister used to pick the purple ones.'

Chris frowns. 'That sounds right actually.'

'The buildings are red, but a dull near brown red. They match the rocks. There’s lots of buildings. Nobody knows who built them, they’re stable and have always been there.' Chris nods. 'The sky is never cloudy, but there's always cloud. It rains most nights, but it's always dry by midday. The summer is always hot. When it snows and the little purple flowers are always the first thing to reappear when it melts.'

Chris opens his eyes. 'Were you describing your home?' He demands.

'Yes.' Pj answers, eyes weary.

'I think I came from the mountains.'

Pj smiles. Chris feels like the world is new again.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Phil watches Pj and Chris talk out of the corner of his eye for the rest of the evening. Phil keeps on top of the conversation of the main group. But whenever he can, he sneaks a glance over.

The sun will come up in an hour or two. Chris doesn't even seem to have noticed. He's been laughing. Phil can't remember the last time he saw him laugh this hard.

He can't remember the last time Chris’s aura was this bright.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Chris!' Phil shouts. The sun has started to come out. Light beginning to creep in front of them.

It takes Chris a second to turn around and look at Phil. Chris looks expectantly.

'Yeah?'

'It's getting late.' Phil points out.

Chris nods, turning to the rest of the group. Pj temporarily abandoned. 'Probably best you all get some sleep. I won't make you get up early or anything. We'll just met later and work later. Fuck it.'

'Can't be bothered to mess up your sleep schedule?' Dan jokes.

'I don't sleep.' Chris deadpans in response. Chris turns back to looking at the city. 'Phil, will take you back to your room’s.'

Phil laughs. 'Will I?'

Chris laughs with him. 'You need to sleep. It'll take you two minutes extra to get them to their rooms. I'm staying here for a bit.'

Phil frowns. Aware that they're the center of attention.

'When did you sleep last Chris?' Phil asks.

Chris pauses for a second.

Three days ago.

'A while ago, I'll drop soon.' He responds.

He hears Phil sigh.

'Come with me guys. I'll show you how to get to the training gym from your rooms too.'

Chris can hear people getting up. Moving over to the door. Muttering.

Chris feels a tap on his shoulder.

'Goodnight Chris.'

Pj smiles at him. The light bringing out his features. Chris appreciates the aesthetic. He’s been appreciating the way he looks this whole time. It’s a secret.

'Night.'

Pj runs to Phil. Chris hears the door close.

He's alone.

He takes a deep breath. Filling his lungs with early morning air. The wind is strong up here. It hits his face. It's cold.

He slouches over. Feeling that scream that's been resting in him coming up. He yells out over the city. The silence temporarily filled. Nobody can hear him from here. Even if they were in one of the other skyscrapers. They'd purposely ignore him. He's in that tower. He's one of those abnormals. Then again, by abnormal standards, he's abnormal.

'I don't fit in anywhere.'

Chris laughs.

'I'm like a fucked up jigsaw piece.'

He thinks back. The puzzle pieces that he played with as a child. A smile. Someone warm encouraging him. A laugh.

He barely remembers them.

Then he was here. He was cold. There was no time for games. The only laughter he had was stolen from time to sleep and train. It came from the other children. The few that were just as scared as he was.

Now those children are either here, just as scared now, or dead.

He's okay. He's used to it. Just like he's used to not sleeping.

The sun is starting to bother him. The problem being that everyone else seems to wake up when the sun rises. He can see people walking below him. Into buildings. Out of buildings. A lone vehicle descends down the main road.

A part of him wants to fight his way down to those people. He could do it. Use his power to unlock doors. Take out the guards. He was trained for missions similar to that.

He would go down and whisper some of the things he's seen to them. See if maybe, after knowing what he's had to do, they wouldn't be quite so loyal to the government. Whether they'd question the plastic faces they see on television. Whether they could gather those that are angry in the outer sectors. The places that aren't the city. Whether they would fight. Whether they would win.

Whether he could get out of this place for good.

Maybe he could go do those jigsaw puzzles again.

He stands up. He looks over the edge once more. He considers how much of a drama queen he is.

Maybe if people hadn't gone dropping bombs, I could have been an actor. I have the skill set for it. Assassination training and acting can't be too different.

He laughs at his own joke. He thinks about all the possible things that could happen.

He steps away from the edge. He goes inside to sort out the training room for the next session.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Dan looked at his lips for a second before saying goodnight. Phil hasn't been taught everything there is to know about reading people's bodies. When he can involuntarily see their aura's and read their thoughts if he wants to, it's hardly like he needs it.

Phil thinks he’s overthinking things again. He was brought up to believe that overthinking was better than under thinking. Only one can get you killed.

He’s tempted to peak at Dan’s mind for a moment. He doesn’t let himself.

Instead, he returns the sentiment and goes to bed.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris makes his way to the training rooms. He's not sure what he's going to do. He thinks he might work on abilities today. Get some earth, water and fire out. He's glad that he doesn't have to train any air users. He doesn't have to get any fucking fans out.

He hears noises coming from the room. Frustrated short ones. Noises of impact.

Chris slowly opens the door. Hands at his sides. Using his own ability.

His eyes widen at the sight in front of him.

Pj stands by one of the punching bags. Pushing his fists out onto it. He's topless. Anger coating him. There are tears running down his face. He looks majestic in his pain.

His technique is wrong, Chris notes.

Chris walks over to him. Making no effort to conceal his footsteps.

Pj glances at him for a second and then carries on hitting the bag.

'Can't someone have two seconds alone around here?'

Chris laughs. 'Yes. You can. In your room. Where you're supposed to be.'

Pj stops hitting the bag. Tears on his cheeks apparent. He doesn't try to hide them. He shakes pain from his hands. Chris can see that they're damaged. Raw from abuse.

'Are you going to send me back?' Pj asks.

'To your room?' Chris affirms. Pj nods. 'No, course not. Fuck that.'

Pj nods and starts hitting the bag again. Chris stands and watches him.

Footwork is decent. Allows for mobility. His stance is strong. Then again, if he grew up on a farm, he would be pretty strong.

Chris takes a moment to look at his torso. Appreciate it.

He stops himself again. Looking at his hands. Which are hitting the bag with increased strength. He's got his knuckles in the wrong place. He's tucked his thumbs into his hands. Which is stupid, he's going to end up with a broken thumb. And that’s never fun.

'Are you done watching me?' Pj shouts. His eyes are wet again.

'You're going to hurt yourself if you carry on like this.' Chris deadpans. Keeping his voice quiet.

'I don't care.' Pj retorts. Punching the bag again, and again. Until he's not even hitting it anymore. He's batting at it.

Chris has seen this before. Anger building up in recently caught people. Most of them hide it. Pj's done something productive at least.

'You should care.' Chris says. He knows it's a mistake from the look of rage in Pj's features.

He knows it's a mistake when Pj stops hitting the bag and starts to sob.

He tries to push past Chris, attempting to run away. Chris reaches out, stopping him. Hand on his shoulder.

'Let me go.' Pj begs. Tears running down his cheeks. Looking at Chris.

Chris shakes his head.

'What do you need?' Chris asks. Pj's eyes widen.

'To be alone.' Pj answers.

'Except that.' Chris retorts.

Chris moves his arm at the same time at Pj. They knock hands. Pj hisses in pain.

'Maybe to sort that out.' Pj notes. He chews on his lip. Eyes puffy.

Chris wants to reach out and hold him. But he doesn't know if that will help.

'We can do that.' Chris responds. He puts his arm around Pj and walks them both over to a chair. He sits Pj down. Chris kneels in front of him. He holds out his hand and the medical kit a few meters away flies into it. Pj laughs. 'What?' Chris asks.

'Just surprised me. I also don't need that Chris.' Pj points out.

'Do you have a perfect immune system?' Chris asks.

'I don't know.' Pj honestly answers.

'Then I'm still going to sterilize this.' Chris gestures to the cuts on Pj's hands. They are already starting to shut. Chris opens the box, removing alcoholic wipes. The ones that are made in the other half of the city. The civilian part.

He dabs the wipe at the cuts. Pj tries to hide his pain but Chris has been trained to spot it. The tears are stopping. Chris is glad for it, he lets Pj think he doesn't know.

Pj surprises him again. He starts laughing.

'My dad used to do this with whiskey. If we hurt ourselves when we were working.' Pj explains.

'Do I have a better bedside manner?' Chris asks. Smiling up at him.

'My dad called us wastes of whiskey whilst he did it.' Pj laughs. 'Mum was the one with bedside manners.' Chris finishes sterilizing the cuts. He puts the wipe down.

'What did she do?'

Pj grimaces. 'This might sound weird.'

'I've probably heard weirder.' Chris points out.

'You know that thing you do for children. When they graze their knee and you kiss it better and then they're fine.' Chris nods. 'She'd always joke and do that.' Pj looks up. 'It always did make me feel better though.'

Pj is smiling. He can't help himself.

He takes Pj's hand. Pj looks down at him. He brings it up to his lips and kisses it once. He gently places it back on Pj's lap. Pj’s eyes widen.

'Better?' Chris asks.

'Tons.' Pj smiles.

Chris thinks it’s infectious and beautiful.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris watches the bruises on Pj's hands fade. Chris runs his thumb over Pj's knuckles. Analyzing them. Chris looks back up at Pj.

'Do you feel any better for hurting yourself?' Chris asks.

Pj laughs still thick from tears. 'I think I would have felt better if you hadn't caught me.'

Chris rolls his eyes. 'No, you would have just broken your fingers.'

Chris stands up. Pj's eyes follow him.

'Would I?'

'Yes. You would have.' Chris holds out a hand. 'Come on. I'll show you how to wrap your hands, so you don't break yourself.'

Pj reaches out. Taking his hand and allowing himself to be pulled to his feet. Pj feels a tingle where their skin connects.

It’s been a long time since he’s felt anything like it. He tries to ignore what it means. But when Chris smiles at him, he fails to not smile back.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris shows him the correct way to twist the material around his fists twice. He lets Pj do it the third time. Chris corrects him when he goes wrong. Eventually, Pj's hands are wrapped.

Chris wraps his own hands in a few seconds, making Pj laugh.

Chris gets Pj to stand in the way he thinks he should be standing. Chris praises him, his stance is loose, easy to move. Chris adjusts his position with his hands. Lingering without intending to.

Chris teaches him the basic punches. Jab, cross, hook and uppercut. It doesn't surprise him that Pj prefers the uppercut. It's a powerful hit, and Pj certainly has the strength for it.

Chris watches him with interest. Correcting his stance, remembering to praise him. There's nothing worse than a coach that only critiques.

'I think you could fight me now.' Chris states. Pj hits the bag once more before turning to him. The bag swings.

'You sure you could take me?' Pj teases.

'Nah, it'd be funny to watch though.' Chris smiles at Pj's snort. 'I think I'm just going to show the others how to do this too now.'

'What were you going to do?'

'I was thinking element work. But this is what I'm supposed to be teaching now, so I will.'

'Was it what you were taught?'

Chris shrugs. 'I don't remember. You'd have to ask Phil. His ability means he's got a better memory anyway.'

Pj looks at him for a long moment.

'You really were just a child, weren't you?'

'I was the youngest person to ever get triggered. Still am actually.' Chris admits. 'The average is mid-teens.'

'I'm in my twenties.' Pj points out.

Chris rolls his eyes. 'There's a reason they put all of you into a separate training group. You're all older. Not necessarily a bad thing, but not good either.'

'What do you mean?'

'I mean I don't remember home, at all. Well, I remember my mum vaguely. Someone who might have been my dad. Where I was. But that's it.' Chris coughs. 'You remember it all. Neither of us are luckier.'

'Is anyone here lucky?' Pj finally questions.

Chris sighs. 'You don't want to ask yourself shit like that. It's a hard pit to crawl out of.'

'I know.' Pj whispers. Chris notices the bags beneath his eyes again.

Chris frowns at him.

'When did you sleep last?' Chris asks.

Pj laughs. 'When did you?'

'I can't sleep as often as everyone else. Side effect of my ability. You don't have an excuse.'

Pj takes a deep breath. 'I slept in the car on the way here.'

'Not good enough.' Chris responds. 'You need to try to sleep Pj.'

Pj nods, accepting the lesson. 'I will tonight.'

'You will now.' Chris corrects him.

Pj's mouth flounders before he protests. 'But I'll miss training...'

'I'm teaching them what I just taught you.' Chris smiles. 'Besides, I can give you a catch up session.'

'But-'

'It's an order Pj. Go to your room.' Chris commands.

Pj doesn't move. 'Please-'

'Pj, it's useless. Don't make me carry you there.' Chris jokes.

Pj loses his resolve. He accepts it. Nodding once before turning to walk out of the room. Chris watches him go. Smiling when Pj turns around before going out of the door.

'Goodnight Chris. For real this time.'

'Goodnight Pj. Sweet dreams.'

He leaves. Chris takes a breath before distracting himself with hitting the punching bags. Drowning his own thoughts in external noise. Becoming the pain he feels in his hands. The pain he knows how to give. It was what he was taught to do.

Pj tries to ignore the strange feeling in his chest.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris works the bags until he hears Phil's voice.

'Did you sleep?'

Chris laughs. 'No, sleep is for the weak.'

'Then I'm a... name something that's weak.'

'You.'

Phil laughs.

'Then I'm a me. Thanks Chris.' Phil rolls his eyes. 'Everyone will be here in a few minutes. I'll go wake them-'

'-Don't wake up Pj.'

Phil frowns at him. 'Why not?'

'He trained here with me last night. I found him decimating his hands on one of these fuckers.' He gestures to the punching bags. 'I showed him how to hit. I would only be repeating the lesson for him.'

Phil nods. He analyzes Chris's aura.

'Do you like him?'

Chris glares at him with a smile. 'He’s alright, Phil. I just met him. I was just being nice.'

It's an added bonus that he's pretty.

Phil seems to believe him.

'I'll go wake the others.' Phil leaves the room. Laughing to himself.

He turns the corner.

Wait until Tyler finds out about this.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The others don't pick up wrapping their hands as quickly as Pj.

They're tried, not as much energy as Pj had worked up the night before. It's understandable that they'd have less passion.

None of them complain at any point. Chris is proud of them. In his first lesson, he nearly threw up and wouldn't shut the fuck up. He doesn't think he could deal with a pupil like that. He needs students that want to learn.

At the end of the day, they all have aching bodies but they feel stronger for it.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The next day is fun. Chris just makes them work out. Not even bothering to spar.

Dan falls off the treadmill. Troye laughs so hard watching that he does the same.

Pj rolls his eyes at them before turning off his own machine to help them.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris frowns, realizing Pj's not in the room.

Chris walks back into the gym, they've only been training for three days. There's no way that Pj could have returned to his room for a ten minute break.

He finds him staring out of a window. Watching the rain fall.

Pj puts a hand against the glass, his breathe creates steam.

Beautiful. He looks really beautiful.

Chris shakes the thoughts from his head, but he refuses to say anything. Instead, he stands and watches.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj refuses to smile with the others. He stays quiet.

It's different to the Pj he's seen in between training sessions, before bed, the first night on the roof.

He's got Chris confused.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris makes it his personal mission on the fifth day of training to make Pj smile as often as possible.

It's worth it just to see that wide toothy grin for the first time.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

There's a knock on his bedroom door on the fifth night.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris is surrounded by new folders. That same odd cardboard tone over and over. That dusty musky scent.

He'd started off reading them. He stopped. Consumed by thought.

He thinks about the contents of the folders. Their relevance. The news that he'd been given when they were handed to him. Phil's face when he'd told him.

He thinks about risk.

He thinks about the dangers his pupils will face.

It'd take a lot to break any of them. They've all been through a lot. Nothing compared to Chris and Phil at their age, but still a lot.

He's seen the way that Dan smiles at Phil. The way that Phil tries to not smile back and fails. Chris prays that Phil's strong enough to resist it. He needs to. It's unnecessary risk.

Chris prays that he can resist it, because when Pj laughed, it was musical. When he smiled it was heavenly. When he cried, he was raw and shining. This is something new. Different.

Chris doesn't get like this about people. He can appreciate people for their aesthetic. Hook up with people that know it's just a hook up. He doesn’t care about people. He doesn’t hook up with anyone he has an investment in. He has an investment in Pj. He’s been forced to.

It'd be wrong. He can't.

But he wishes. He wishes he could. That's hard to admit. He wants him. Kiss him, hold him, know him, maybe even love him. Like the antique romance novels.

_Shame in a world like this, we can't have what we want._

Chris breathes out.

_Ignore it until it goes away._

He shuts his eyes.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj does what he does best.

He overthinks.

He thinks about home. All of the people he loves. Their voices spinning around in his head. Memories, feelings, weight.

Then he thinks about the others. Troye, Zoe, Dan, Phil, Emma, Chris.

Chris. Chris. Chris.

Why does Chris matter so much?

He's the one that spins around in Pj's head the most. His smile. The way his hair falls. The way he talks...

Oh.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris opens Pj’s folder carefully. It'd taken him a while few minutes to find it. Pj's name being initials, his last name is odd, Liguori isn't one Chris has heard before.

His eyes go straight to the ability section of Pj's summary.

Ability: Reparation of tissues, perfect immune system. Ability to heal others?

Chris laughs and shuts the folder.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris and Phil decide the next day that they're going to start waking up their pupils at 9am. It doesn't help them to get used to sleeping in.

Phil gently rouses Zoe. Knocking on the door a few dozen times to check that she's decent before entering the room.

In the room next door, Chris walks into Troye's room. Slamming the door open without touching it. The noise wakes up Troye.

'What the-'

'-Good morning.' Chris chants..

'What time is it?' Troye leans up. His bedhead showing. Chris smiles.

'Oh my, you look so pretty in the morning.' Chris snarks. Troye rolls his eyes. He falls back into bed. Throwing the covers over himself.

Chris takes this as a challenge.

He jumps up onto the bed. Pulling Troye's sheets off him whilst slowly singing.

'Wake the fuck up, wake the fuck up.

The sun is up. You should be up.’

Chris chuckles.

‘I need to think of something that rhymes with up'

Troye starts laughing.

'Okay, I'm up.' Troye leans back up. Chris pulls him to his feet. They begin bouncing on the bed. 'Oh, cup rhymes with up!' Troye shouts.

'So does pup.' Chris giggles in response. Troye starts cry laughing. 'What?'

'Yup.' Troye states.

It takes Chris a moment to comprehend, then he laughs hysterically, bathing in the childishness of it.

Emma walks into the room.

'What's going on?' She demands.

Chris and Troye make a show of bouncing on the bed. Chris is using his ability to throw Troye up. Supporting the actual bed as well.

'Fun.' Chris answers, throwing a pillow at Troye which Troye throws back.

Troye holds a hand to Emma, after debating, she takes it.

The three of them jump and laugh until Phil's voice startles them and they fall onto the bed with a thud.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Go get something to eat and then warm up. We're getting you guys used to things by getting you up earlier.'

'We doing anything new today?' Emma asks.

'Nah, I'll give you some time to build up physical strength.'

Troye, Emma and Zoe nod.

'I guess that seems good...' Zoe starts. She’s interrupted by noise from around the corner.

A group of young male air manipulators walks past. Laughing among themselves.

Zoe scans each and everyone of them. Frowning. Seeming upset afterwards.

Chris finds this odd. Making a note to investigate later. Chris looks at Phil, Phil seemingly sharing his conclusion. They nod at each other.

'You guys head to the training rooms. We'll get the other two and start to work. Okay?'

A chorus of response and they're on their way. Leaving Chris and Phil to rouse the only two left sleeping.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'I'll wake Dan.' Phil says. Chris turns to him with eyebrows raised.

'How exactly?' Chris teases. Phil glares at him. 'Make sure he's awake and wants it first.'

Phil rolls his eyes. 'Same about you and Pj.'

Chris laughs. 'I don't know what you're talking about Philly.'

Phil rolls his eyes. 'Sure you don't.'

Phil knocks on Dan's door.

'Have fun.' Phil teases.

Chris walks straight into Pj's room with a sigh. Smile permanent.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj is sitting on the bathroom floor. He'd slept for an hour after trying to sleep for two. He's staring into the mirror, so dissociated from his refection that he's able to ignore it. Allowing himself to breathe.

'You okay there Pj?'

Chris's voice makes him jump. Violently falling out of his thoughts.

Chris laughs. Cheeks turning slightly pink. Pj gets a strange feeling.

_Oh fuck, it's cute. I find that cute._

Pj stares at him intently.

_Fuck. Fuck._

Chris looks at him skeptically. If Chris didn't think it could be wishful thinking, he'd say he was checking him out.

_Fuck._

'Pj? Hello?'

Pj finally wakes up fully.

'Sorry.' Pj shrugs.

'It's alright. We're starting training. Did you sleep last night?' Chris questions.

'Did you?' Pj retorts.

'No.'

'Me neither.' Chris smiles

'What were you doing here anyway?' Chris asks.

'I was just...thinking.'

'About what?'

Pj grimaces. 'Everything.'

Chris lowers himself to the ground. Sitting across from Pj.

'Are you going to monologue?'

Pj lowers his eyebrows, glaring at him.

Chris shrugs. 'It means spilling your life story.' Chris explains.

'I already did that.'Pj points out.

'True. Talk to me.' Chris orders.

'Why should I?'

Chris laughs. He looks at the ground and then back up at Pj.

'Who else have you got?'

'That just means I should probably talk to other people instead of just snarking with you.' Pj retorts.

Chris smiles. 'But what would be the fun in that?' The smile dies. 'All jokes aside, you should probably talk to your peers.'

'I'm not here to make friends.'

Chris raises his eyebrows at him. Pj has turned his attention back to the mirror.

'You're here to fight until you die. You may as well make friends.' Chris laughs.

'I've got you haven't I?'

Chris blinks, surprised. 'Yes, but I'm not going to be here much longer.'

Pj turns his attention back to him. Frowning.

'What the hell does that mean?'

Chris laughs. 'I'm not just going to stick around to train you. I have missions and work to do. They're sending me out in two weeks.'

'Why didn't you tell me?' Pj’s anger radiates, Chris is unsure of where it comes from.

'Pj, I found out yesterday. I can honestly say it slipped my mind.' Chris says with an eye roll. ‘Good news though, I looked it up, you do have a perfect immune system. No chance of any sickness for you again.’

The information doesn’t have it’s required effect of distracting Pj.

'Where are you going?' Pj demands.

'Away.'

'For how long?'

'For however long it takes. Why are you so bothered?'

'Because I don't need to be worrying about you too.'

'Then don't worry about me.'

Pj widens his eyes at him. Chris can practically feel the sarcasm about to happen. He anticipates it.

'I can't stop myself Chris.' Pj whispers. His concern obvious.

Chris feels a pang in his chest. His eyes widen.

'You have to learn.'

Pj nods. 'I know.' He draws his knees up and tucks them into his body. Forming a ball.

'Talk to me about what's worrying you now.' Chris orders. Pj looks up at him.

'My sister. My friends. My family. My neighbors lost a son when I was little, it nearly destroyed them. They’re all still a bit strange. I don't want the same to happen to my family. This life. The fact I have to make some friends.'

You.

'That's understandable. I don't know how I can help.' Chris admits. He laughs. 'I'm not that good with people that aren't Phil.'

'You've been pretty good with us so far.'

'I tell you now, if Phil wasn't there, I'd be practically dead in the water.'

Pj smiles. 'I doubt that we'd make you drown. I don't think any of us are that bad.'

Chris laughs.

'I'm that bad.'

'I don't think you're bad.'

Chris laughs. 'You've not seen me at my worst.'

Pj pauses and looks at him for a long moment. It feels heavy, special, Pj feels like he should be memorizing it.

'No, but I don't think I've seen you at your best either.'

Chris frowns. Blinking. Mind racing.

He swallows.

'You still feel up for a workout? Might help you sleep.' Chris changes subject.

'Yeah.'

'Good, because you didn't have a choice.'

Pj starts laughing. Chris likes it.

He pulls Pj up to his feet and tries to ignore his thoughts.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Phil tries to get Dan to respond but Dan doesn't. Phil cracks open the door.

'Dan?...'

He sees an aura the colours of magma and runs to him.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Dan is shaken awake. A scream in his throat. He's covered in sweat. There are tears on his face. His breathing is so rapid that he barely gets air.

He can feel someone's arms on his shoulders. He hasn't opened his eyes.

'Dan? Talk to me.'

Dan places the owner of the voice. Opening his eyes to see Phil sitting on the bed next to him.

'Sorry.'

'Don't be. We all get nightmares.' Phil reassures him with a whisper. Dan flinches. 'Do you want to talk about it?'

Dan shakes his head. Phil nods.

Dan looks at him and swallows. Phil smiles at him. Trying to get his aura to be stable again. It practically radiates heat.

'Do you want to...' Dan starts but doesn't end.

'What?'

'You can look if you want...' Dan smiles, or at least tries to. 'You can see it.'

Phil puts a hand on his arm. Smiles once more.

He flicks the switch and enters Dan's brain.

He gets it immediately. Nightmares are based on fear. Dan's blatantly scared, but there's also betrayal. The nightmare consisted of Dan being buried. A chorus of faces that Phil doesn't recognize pouring sand on him. His family. It chokes him. Dan's shaking. Quickly, Dan's min changes subject. Worry at what Phil could be seeing. Panic. An awareness that Phil is touching him. That thought lingers beneath all the others.

'I've seen worse.' Phil jokes. Dan laughs. 'Thanks for letting me in.'

'Thanks for looking I guess.' Dan responds.

Phil frowns at him.

'Dan, why would your family want to hurt you?'

Dan blinks. 'Because I'm different.' He says it like it should have been obvious.

'Dan, just because you're different doesn't make you wrong.'

Dan frowns at him.

There's a flurry of memory; the first time Dan set a fire after getting triggered. The first fire felt like sex, but better. The second time he set one, the third time. His parents lecturing him for staying out too late. Faces of disapproval. Dan's Insecurity. A feeling of dread.

It's Something close to addiction. It's craving. Falling.

Fire. Flames on Dan's body. His mother running in. Screaming. Doubt. Guilt. Weight being lifted. Happiness. Betrayal again. Passive faces with past emotions linked to them. Dan's brother screaming for him.

Something that felt like death when Dan got put into the van, realizing he'd left his box of matches behind.

Dan's mind is extremely picture based. Less abstract than Chris's.

Phil escapes from Dan's mind. His emotions feeling a little more wild for it.

'I know.'

In that second, Phil wouldn't need twenty years of training and a ability to know he's lying. It's drawn into him.

'Come on.' Phil stands up. 'We're starting training earlier from now.'

'Can I get changed first?'

Phil laughs. 'Everyone else did. Of course you can.'

Phil goes to leave. Dan cries out.

'No! Stay.'

Phil frowns at him for a second. Remembering his fear from earlier. He decides to listen to him.

'Sure.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Phil has his hands over his eyes for Dan's decency.

'Are there lions in the desert?'

'Yes. I had to be careful. Lock doors at night.' Dan responds.

Phil's eyes fly wide. 'Really?'

'No.' Dan laughs.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'I want you to do physical work that benefits you. This is your training anyway. Do whatever you want. Just be productive.' Chris instructs.

Pj and Emma choose the punching bags, the others choose the treadmills.

'Physical and productive?' Phil asks. Chris squints at him. They're standing in the middle of the gym.

'What?'

'Do we have to do something physical and productive too?'

Chris shrugs. 'We probably should.'

'Great, does this mean we have to have sex?' Phil teases. Chris starts laughing. Emma snorts. Pj watches with wide eyes, not amused.

Phil gets a glimpse of Pj's aura and smirks.

'Again?' Chris adds, feigning a sigh.

'Yeah, I know. Once was enough.'

Chris snorts. 'I'll have you know I'm amazing in bed.'

'Amazingly bad?' Phil retorts.

Chris puts a hand on his chest, pretending to be hurt.

'Amazingly average Phil.'

Phil chuckles, rolling his eyes.

'Want to spar?' Phil asks.

'Sure.' Chris responds. 'Prepare to be decimated.'

Phil starts laughing.

'Funny. You say that before sex too.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

After a long day of work, Chris gets all his pupils to spar with Phil. Watching their fighting stances and shouting encouragement. They take turns. Chris dismisses each of them after their fight. Telling them to go and eat, get some sleep, they're repeating the day tomorrow.

Zoe goes first. Much to Chris's annoyance, he was going to investigate as to why she was acting strangely this morning. But he can't exactly keep her behind because of that.

Emma next. She does well. Chris barely has to correct her at all. She's also loosening up. She was joking with Zoe and Dan today. She even made Pj laugh. After her fight finishes, she waits for Troye and walks back to their rooms with him after his spar. Chris is glad his pupils are starting to learn that shutting people out doesn't hurt. It took Chris a long time to let anybody except Phil in. He's so glad he did.

Then there's just the four of them left.

'Who's up next?' Chris asks Dan and Pj. The two look at each other.

Dan raises his hand. Pj chuckles.

'It's like being at school again.' Pj points out.

Dan rolls his eyes. Laughing too.

'Oh fuck off.' Dan retorts.

'Fight me.' Pj jokes.

'He's supposed to be fighting me.' Phil interjects.

Chris just watches, feeling a headache coming on.

'Go on then.' Chris commands. Dan begins to walk up, Chris places his index and middle finger onto his left temple.

Dan faces Phil. Phil smiles at him.

'You ready?'

Dan smirks. 'Always.'

Chris blacks out.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj sees Chris begin to fall. He isn't quick enough to sweep him off his feet but he's quick enough to stop him from hitting the ground and hurting himself. Pj lowers him hearing Dan shout and Phil's footsteps.

'Chris?' Pj questions. He looks down at him. His eyes shut. For the first time since they met, he seems lifeless. He’s terrified, again.

'He's fine.' Phil commands. Phil kneels on the ground, checking Chris's pulse. 'Just like I thought. He's sleeping.'

'He's sleeping?' Dan demands. Dan stands behind Phil. Phil slides his hands under Chris's body.

'Yeah. His ability stops him. He can't control it. Normally, he gets more warning so he can sit down.'

Dan frowns. Pj carries on looking at Chris. Pj reaches forward and tucks some loose hair behind his ear. Phil begins to stand up. Picking up Phil in his arms.

'That's horrible.' Dan finally says. Phil grimaces.

'It's one of his side effects.' Phil responds, like it makes it better.

'Can we help him?' Pj asks. Phil looks at him, smiles and sighs.

'No. I normally just go and put him in his bed and wait for him to wake up.' Pj nods. Phil readjusts the hold he has on Chris. 'I need someone to open doors for me though.'

'I will.' Pj answers.

'I will too.' Dan adds.

'Good.' Phil replies. He looks down at Chris once more, tuts him and then walks to the door.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'This is probably for the best actually.' Phil states. Dan's been opening doors and Pj's been guarding Chris's head after Phil accidentally knocked it. Keeping a hand close at all times. Chris’s hair is soft.

'Why?' Dan asks.

'Normally, he just sleeps where he lands. He nearly died of hypothermia when he did this on the roof in the winter once.' Phil cocks his head to the side. They go through an open doorway. 'He fell asleep in his room a couple of nights ago.’ Phil laughs. 'He has a mission soon. If he's sleeping now, then he should be able to get some sleep for that.'

'When's his mission?' Dan questions, confused.

'How regularly does he do this?' Pj adds.

'He does this every few days. They're sending him out in...' Phil looks upwards as he does the maths. 'Twelve days.'

'So he'll do this again before his mission?'

Phil nods. 'Yeah.'

'What's he going to do?' Dan inquires.

Phil sighs. 'He's going undercover in the other nation. It happens quite a bit. Chris is good at pretending. Always has been.'

'Is it dangerous?' Pj whispers.

Phil huffs out amusement. 'Of course it is. This is Chris. He can handle it.'

'Don't you worry about him?' Pj snarls.

Phil frowns at him. 'Of course I do. He's my best friend. I've known him since I was eight. But he can take care of himself.'

Dan and Pj exchange a look.

'You were eight?' Dan utters.

Phil stops for a second. He looks at Pj and Dan. Blue and green auras. Both of them sympathetic. Chris's aura a muted shade of it's original one. Phil's mouth opens and closes. He looks straight ahead and continues his walk. Holding Chris close.

'Don't give me pity. I don't need it. Neither does he.' Phil looks down at Chris. Chris moves a little in his sleep.

'We weren't giving you-'Pj starts.

'Yeah you were. I'm in your heads remember? Whether I want to or not.'

Both Pj and Dan have the common decency to shut up for a moment.

'Sorry.' Pj whispers.

Phil exhales. 'Don't worry about it.' They're not far from Chris's room. They walk past Luke's empty one. 'I shouldn't tell you off for it really. It's just annoying. We're human beings.'

Dan laughs. That self hatred comes back up. Phil sees it.

'That's debatable.' Pj is taken back at the statement.

'We're at least people. We're human at our core. Even if you don't feel like it Dan.'

Chris stirs in his sleep. Tucking himself further into Phil's chest.

Phil heaves him up.

'You're an idiot.' He says to Chris. 'You know that right?' Chris doesn't respond. Phil laughs. 'Come on, not much longer.'

They walk quietly through the few sets of doors. Finally the reach Chris's room.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'There you go.' Phil breathes out the words as he finally puts Chris down. Chris's room is organized. Sort of homely. There's a small window on the far corner. A table full of folders, documents. A dusty bookshelf. Glass bottles, some full, some empty. There's another table full of colored powders and liquids, a mirror is attached to it. A wardrobe placed next to it.

Dan and Pj stare at the table.

'Is he making drugs?' Phil looks over at them. He'd been in the process of throwing a blanket over Chris. It takes him a second to understand. He begins to laugh hysterically.

'It's hair dye!' He explains.

'Hair what?' Pj asks.

Phil rolls his eyes. 'I forget how little you guys know. It changes your hair colour.'

'What use does that have?' Dan deadpans. The two of them are looking at Phil who's still laughing.

'None. It's popular in the other nation.'

'Why?' Dan and Pj ask in sync, watching each other for a second after.

'They think it makes them look better. Chris uses it when he's undercover to fit in.'

'That's weird. Why would you want to change yourself like that?' Dan questions.

'It helps them express themselves.' Phil shrugs. 'It helps Chris regardless.'

'How?'

Phil doesn't smile. 'It helps him feel less like him.' Phil runs a hand over Chris's hair, patting it down.

Dan frowns. But doesn't inquire further. Getting the gist.

Phil stands up. He keeps a hand on Chris's shoulder for a second.

'Come on, leave him to sleep.'

The other two nod. The three empty the room in succession. Pj looks at Chris for a long second before shutting the door.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris wakes up slowly. His eyes flickering open. He can feel his exhaustion but he can't slow down the cogs once they've started moving again.

_Wasn't I in the gym?_

Chris looks down at the blanket covering him.

He rolls his eyes.

_Phil moved me._

Chris laughs.

_Unless Dan's stronger than he looks. I’m too tall for..._

He throws the blanket of him. Assaulted by thoughts. Pj flies through his mind. Chris pushes him out.

He's a friend. Not even a friend. You barely even know him. He’s just an attraction.

Chris breathes out. He looks at the time. He's been asleep for a few hours. He rubs his face with the palm of his hand.

_It’s a thing. A pointless thing._

He rolls out of bed, deciding to have a shower.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris runs his fingers through his wet hair. He looks at the assorted bottles of dye on his dresser. He thinks he was given dark blue, maybe purple. He wasn't picky, just asked for a colour that's in 'fashion.' He'll have to put it in soon.

He still finds it weird that their enemy actually has fashion, and dye, and nightclubs, and cars. Commodities. They live the same lives the old nations used to live, before everything went boom. Nuclear boom. He guesses it’s easier for them, there’s less of them.

Chris is almost glad the other side is winning. Even if it does increase the chance of his death.

He picks a book of the shelf. Jumping back onto his double bed, it holds his body in the right places.

He puts the book on his stomach, an arm under his head. He stares at the ceiling, as if it is going to turn into a nights sky. He's left with constellations in paint.

He feels antsy. He tends to after a shower,like he should go run or jump.

He jumps back up, throws the book back down onto the side and walks out of the door.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris walks past a window. It's raining. The nighttime sky is empty of light. Chris looks down at the city and smiles.

It's like the world got flipped. The stars are on the ground, there's some lights on the road, leading the few normals that live here home. 

Chris carries on walking.

He hears footsteps from around the corner and he stops. Listening in for a second, he walks around to confront them.

He startles a wet Pj. Chris’s heart skips a beat at the sight of him. His layers of defense washed away, pure and stunning.

'Fuck.' Pj puts a hand on his chest. 'Are you trying to kill me?' Pj exclaims.

Chris glares at him for a second.

'Don't you sleep?' Chris demands, becoming concerned.

Pj blinks at him for a few moments.

'I can't sleep. I was coming back from the roof.' Pj admits.

'It's raining.' Chris states.

Pj glares at him, raising an eyebrow. 'I know.' He retorts.

Chris snorts. 'You going to sleep now?' He asks. Pj shrugs.

'Weren't you asleep too?' Pj responds.

'I woke up.'

'No shit.'

Chris smiles at that.

'Why can't you sleep?' Chris asks softly.

Pj grimaces. 'It's just...' Pj is shivering. 'Hard.'

Chris nods, his urge to work out is gone. 'Come on.' He puts his arm around Pj's shoulder. Pj's freezing. Chris begins to lead them back to Pj's room. Pj stops them.

'Can I not go back tonight? Please?'

'Where do you want to go?' Chris asks, he tries to be gentle.

Pj looks at the ground. 'I don't know.' He admits. 'Home?' He tries to joke. Chris gives him a sad smile.

'I'll do you one better. We'll go to my place.' Chris begins to walk them back to his room.

'I was in your place earlier.' Pj points out. Chris can feel how cold he is.

'When?'

'Phil brought you back to your room when you collapsed, thanks for that by the way.' Pj tells him.

Chris laughs and directs them around a corner.

Chris takes a second to feel Pj under his arm. It feels natural. Pj's face looks pointedly elegant. Chris thinks he found some of the stars that are missing from the sky in his eyes. He kinda wants to push him up against a wall.

They go in.

Chris laughs as he shuts the door.

'You're lucky that Tyler and Luke aren't here at the moment. They'd think we were having sex.'

'Phil doesn't sleep in the room next to you?'

Chris shrugs. 'He's the other side of Luke.' Pj nods, looking over Chris's room. Chris lets the arm fall from Pj's shoulder. 'Why don't you go take a shower? I'll pass you some of my clothes to wear.'

‘Are you sure?’

Pj frowns at him. 'Yeah. I've got to do some reading anyway.' Chris looks at the folders on the other side of the room, he sighs.

'Okay. Thank you.'

Chris smiles at him.

'Don't worry about it.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj steps under the spray of water.

The fact that Chris has been naked here, recently too, flies around his mind.

His feelings for him are more than friendship. He's figured that out for definite. He doesn't know how to figure them out any further. It's not like Chris likes him back. Wants him. He thinks this could be just want.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj comes out of the shower five minutes later. Chris's clean clothes hang on him, Chris is taller. Chris tries not to stare. Pj tries to not inhale the fabric.

Chris is laying on top of his bed. About halfway through the information he needs to memorize.

'Looking good.' Chris smiles as he turns the page.

'I look like a child that went through their parents wardrobe.' Pj deadpans. Chris laughs.

'Yet you pull it off.' Chris jokes. Pj smiles, he looks out of the singular window.

'It's still raining.' Chris leans up. He looks out of the window too.

'You're not wrong.' Chris jokes. Pj rolls his eyes.

'It's pretty.'

Chris rolls his eyes. Chris breathes out, he smiles. 'You feel any better?'

Pj shrugs. 'A little.'

Chris raises his eyebrows. 'You going to stand there all night?' Chris puts his head back onto his pillow. He stretches himself out.

Pj scratches the back of his head, frowning.

'Do you mind if I...' Pj points at the bed. Chris laughs.

'I haven't exactly got anywhere else for you to sit.' Chris laughs. Pj nods, walking the short distance. He lowers himself onto the bed. He turns and lays down next to Chris. Not touching. Both of them laugh to fill space. 'I don't have guests around very often.'

'I thought you and Phil were having sex daily.'

'Except him.' Chris laughs.

Pj frowns again, confusion settling in his chest.

'Are you and him actually together?'

'Me and Phil?' Chris asks with surprise. His eyes flying wide. He turns onto his side.

'You and Phil.'

Chris chuckles. 'No. Never. It'd be stupid. '

'Why would it be stupid?' Pj asks. Chris's answer destroyed the confusion. He feels lighter than he had up on the roof, almost relaxed.

Chris shrugs with one elbow, the other planted into the mattress.

'There were times that all I had was Phil and all he had was me, it'd be stupid to risk that on anything.'

'Do you love him?'

Pj doesn't register the words. They fly out of his mouth. Chris frowns.

'Do I love Phil? Yeah, but he's like a brother, not a lover.' Pj chuckles at the rhyme. 'Phil's...strange, but it's okay because I am too. He has this thing where he'll go quiet for a few moments then he'll say something beautiful. He walks in two worlds. I don't think that even comes from his ability. I think that comes from Phil. Why?'

Pj had been smiling at Chris rambling on with passion about his friend. The question catches him off guard.

'What?'

'Why do you want to know if I love Phil?' Chris asks. He finds an enjoyment at how flustered Pj is.

'I don't know.'

'At the same time, why can't you sleep?'

'I don't-'

'Why do you act so differently when you're with other people? Like you’re a massive cock, you’re not actually.'

'I-'

'And why do you only smile at me?'

Chris bites his lip. 

'Why?' Chris repeats.

Pj looks at him with wide eyes.

Chris hears a rush of movement.

He feels lips on his.

The kiss isn't long enough for Chris to push him away, or kiss him back.

Quickly, Pj is back on the other side of the bed and left unattached to him.

Chris and Pj are breathing deeply. Chris allows himself two exhales and inhales.

'What was that?' Chris demands.

Pj shrugs, imitating Chris's gesture from earlier.

'An answer to the last one. Plus, I needed you to shut up.'

'You could have just told me to shut up.' Chris mentions angrily.

'Not as fun.' Pj retorts. ‘Besides, kissing is the best distraction. It worked.’

'I-What?-How?-' Chris splutters.

'Okay, I wanted to know if you loved Phil because I was curious. I act differently with other people because they're other people. I talked to Dan quite a bit today. I think we're going to be friends, he's cool.'

Chris nods, eyes still wide.

'Good.' Chris whispers. He's beginning to relax. He can see Pj is too, breathing evening out. His pupils remain dilated.

Pj smiles but it doesn't spread to his eyes.

'I can't sleep because everything is too quiet.'

Chris smiles at him, frowning with it.

'What do you mean?'

'I grew up on a farm. With a sister, and three best friends. It was never quiet. I can't deal with it.' Pj exhales once more. 'I can't stop thinking about them.'

Chris smiles at him.

'A lot of people get that.' Chris looks at the bags underneath Pj's eyes. His whole self radiates the same lack of sleep Chris constantly has. 'Could you sleep here?'

Pj frowns at him. 'Here? Are you asking me to sleep with me?'

Chris huffs. 'I'm actually asking you to sleep by me for your own good. Plus, you were the one that kissed me. So I'd stop with the sass Mr.'

'It's not sass. It's art.'

'Go to sleep.' Chris orders. Laughing at him. Pj chuckles with Chris.

Pj frowns and then closes his eyes. Chris has a feeling that Pj could sleep on a bed of nails right now. He tries to relax., to sink into the bed.

'Is this weird?' Pj whispers.

'No.' Chris responds softly, looking straight at him.

'Because I did try to kiss you.'

Chis giggles. 'You and I have a very different interpretation of the word _try_.'

Pj huffs out amusement. 'Alright, so I did kiss you.'

'It's not weird. Or at least, it's not unless we let it be weird.'

Pj nods. He wraps his right arm around himself. Leaving his left one on the bed. His hair is in a strange limbo between wet and dry. Chris shuts his own eyes. Exhaustion telling him to relax his own body, even if he doesn't sleep.

'I kind of liked it.'

Pj's words shock Chris again. He opens his eyes. Pj continues to speak. Pj keeps his eyes closed.

'I'm not an idiot. I know we're not-' Pj yawns. 'I know we can't. But I still liked it. You’re  super hot. You make me feel nice. You have a fantastical mouth. I figured, fuck it.'

Chris doesn't know how to respond. He looks at Pj's hand, empty and vulnerable. He reaches out and takes it in his own. Leaving them both laying on the covers, linked in one way. Pj smiles at the contact, interlinking their fingers.

Chris isn't sure if it feels romantic or platonic, but it feels good, so he leaves it.

Pj falls asleep a few moments later. Chris thinks it probably wasn't noise he needed. It was just the idea of another person close by.

Chris quite likes being that person.

Chris closes his eyes. He empties his mind. Feeling the contact on his hand.

At some point, he crashes asleep too.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris wakes up for a second time to beeping. He rolls his head to the side. Pj's flat out still. Their hands still attached. Chris pries them apart walking to the source of the noise. It's his communicator, he’s been given it in advance for this mission, it’ll get taken away afterwards, it’s similar to an antique mobile phone, but it’s text based. He turns off the beeping, reading his message.

**Louise: Mission's been moved. We leave in 4 hours. Urgent.**

He types out his response. The girl is joining him in this, keeping him debriefed whilst he trains his damn pupils.

**Chris: Received. Thanks.**

Louise is nice. He might bring her in to help train when they do knife throwing. She's scarily good at it.

Chris looks back at Pj. Four hours.

He can work with four hours.

He walks back over, climbs back onto the bed. He carefully takes Pj's hand once more. He shuts his eyes. He feels refreshed. Not capable of sleep and he knows it. He just relaxes. His hand is warm. His smile is easy.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

An hour passes. Pj stirs once. He frowns in his sleep. Dribbles a little bit. Chris watches with awe. Trying to memorize it for the inevitable boring journey. The blood covered two days, guilt ridden hours and boring journey back. Phil tries to give him a good day before his missions, he hates it when they get moved. A large part of him thinks it's a shame that Phil won't ever be able to know that this happened.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

It's half an hour until Phil normally comes in. Chris is going to go wake him up. But he also needs to wake up Pj. He squeezes Pj's hand for a second, remembering the heat of it. He lets go.

Chris sits up on bed. Reaching over, he shakes Pj's shoulder lightly.

'You need to wake up.' Chris orders. Pj's eyes open, he blinks twice, shuts them again and groans into the pillow.

'Fuck me.' Pj mumbles.

'You make this far too easy.' Chris states. Pj snorts.

'You're too easy.' Pj complains.

'You're the one that slept on my bed last night.'

Pj glares at him. 'That logic, I want you to stop it.'

'You want me to stop using logic?'

'Yes.'

Chris laughs. 'Consider my logic gone.'

Chris gets up, he walks toward his bathroom.

'Good.' Pj says into the pillow.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris walks out of the bathroom with clean teeth. Pj is in the exact same position he'd left him in.

Chris rolls his eyes, smiling regardless.

'I'm going to go see Phil. You need to get back into your room before someone looks for you.' Pj groans and rolls over. He leans up. Turning around, he puts his feet on the ground. Chris walks over, offers out a hand, Pj takes it, allowing himself to be pulled up.

'Thanks for letting me stay here.' Pj smiles at him.

'Not a problem. Don't worry about it. Did it help?' Chris asks.

'It helped a lot.' Pj admits, he scratches the back of his head again. Chris deducts that he must do that when he's nervous. He hates himself for already being in mission mode, he wishes he could turn off.

'Good.' Chris walks towards the door, Pj follows him. Chris checks the hallway, there's no one there. 'You're free to go.' Chris smiles.

'Thanks.' Pj says again. He begins to walk in the direction of his rooms. Chris is sad to see him go. He rolls his eyes.

He might never see him again.

'Goodbye Pj.' Chris shouts. Pj turns around and walks backwards. Chris takes a mental picture of his smile.

'See you in a bit.' Pj turns back around. Chris forces himself to look away and go to Phil's room.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris barges the door to Phil's room wide open. He's asleep in his bed. Chris can't count the exact amount of times he's been talking to Phil in here and he's fallen asleep. Chris normally tucks him in and leaves a death threat on the side. He can't have his friend ruining his reputation now can he?

Chris jumps down on the other side of the bed. Phil opens his eyes and glares at him.

'Phil.'

'What?'

'Philly.'

'What?'

'Phillay.'

'Chris.'

'P to the H to the I to the L to the... another L to the A to the Y.'

'What is it Chris?'

Chris shoots him a grin.

'Time to wake up.'

Phil rolls his eyes and pushes his own face into his cushion.

'We still have an hour to get everyone up and ready.'

'You do.'

Phil turns and frowns at him.

'What?'

'They've moved my mission. I'm heading out today.'

Phil barely makes a noise, wide awake now. 'Oh.'

'I'll be back in less than a week Phil. You know the drill. One days car journey, two day mission, two days back.'

'What changed? I thought they could wait for this data.'

Chris smiles. 'Obviously can't anymore.'

'Chris, if something's changed, this could be even more dangerous than it was before.'

Chris can see the fear etched into Phil's features. He aims to soothe him.

'Then it's even more fun too.'

Phil sees straight through it.

'I know you hate it. Don't bullshit me Chris.'

Chris giggles.

'Do you remember when you used to not swear? Thought it was pointless.'

Phil smiles a little. 'It's appropriate in this setting.'

Chris raises his eyebrows. 'Do you think if we weren't here, you wouldn't swear?'

Phil grimaces. 'We're never not going to be here Chris.'

Chris slowly nods. 'True.' Chris sighs. 'I need to go get ready.'

Chris leans up so he's sitting. Phil copies him.

Suddenly, he's in Phil's familiar embrace. He buries his face in his shoulder, reminding himself of his scent. Phil squeezes him before letting him go.

Phil frowns at him. 'Be honest with me, are you scared Chris?'

Chris laughs.

'I'm not scared.'

Phil sees straight through him, again, shooting him a disproving look.

'You need to stop telling me lies.'

'You know when I am anyway. So I might as well carry on.'

'I can tell when anyone is lying. That's why you're the one they're sending to enemy ground, and why I have to stay here.' Phil points out.

'I know Philly.'

Phil laughs at him before hugging him again.

'Be careful.' Phil instructs.

'I always am Buddy.' Chris reassures.

'Make sure you come home to me.'

Chris smiles, because if he has one home in the world, it's Phil. It's nice that Phil thinks the same.

'I always will.'

'Good, because I'd send a legion of bees from a sector to attack you if you didn't.' Phil nods. Chris pulls away from the hug. He stands up and makes his way to the door. Phil follows him.

'You won't have time to get a legion of bees from a sector. You'll be too busy training our pupils.' Chris points out.

'Are they sending anyone to help me with that?'

'I wouldn't be surprised.'

Chris puts his hand on the door handle.

Chris turns around and hugs him once more. It catches Phil by surprise. Phil has to rock them until they're balanced again. Phil lowers his eyebrows.

'You're really scared aren't you?'

'A little.' Chris mumbles against Phil's bed creased shirt. 'You know I love you right? In a completely platonic way, I love you so much.'

'I love you too Chris.' Phil holds him close. Phil kisses the side of his head. Chris remembers it. They break apart. Chris opens the door.

'See you soon?'

'See you soon.'

Chris opens and shuts the door. Phil has to blink away tears.  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris sees a dark purple falling into the bottom of his shower; the colour of war bruises. Two hours to go. He needs to wash all this dye out. Have a shower. Shave, they don't like body hair over there. Put those piercings in. Pack his undercover make up, though for him, that's an eye pencil, bright lipstick and a base layer.

It's what he has to do, no time to complain. Louise has four times more preparation than him.

He thinks about the two nations as he scrubs chemicals from his hair. It's temporary colour at least.

There's this nation, where you work for yourself, buy and sell. There's buildings for everyone. Spare food for everyone. Most people live simple lives. If you don't anger anybody, nobody angers you. 

Then there's the other nation. Smaller and more condensed than this one. They have more of the old technology, from before the wars, hundreds of years ago. So they have more of the old culture. More of the old ideas and morals. Freedom of love, bohemian ideals. 

_Shame where the old ideas and morals got us. In theory, they were pretty._

Chris shoves the thoughts away. He focuses on his checklist. The purple stops flowing.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris has an hour before they leave the building. He lays back down on the bed. He's put some piercings in. Leaving out the more complex ones for when he actually gets there. If he's lucky, there will be a shower at their base so he won't actually have needed to do all this. He packed a mirror, just in case he isn't lucky.

The job is simple he supposes. They need information off a computer.

Could stop a lot of deaths. Could cause a lot. That doesn't concern him.

It's getting to the computer which is going to be an issue. There's three intricate plans. Chris hopes it's B, he prays it's B. It's the only one without bloodshed. If everything goes smoothly that is, death almost constantly happens. He's caused his fair share.

There's a knock at his door.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj walks into the training rooms after Dan and Zoe. He can't help himself from looking for Chris. He only finds Phil. Phil's punching the bags, seemingly in his own world of ferocity. They're the first ones there.

Dan coughs to announce their presence. Phil hits the bag one last time. He breathes out and forces on a smile.

'Sorry, about that. It's just me today so you guys can do whatever work you want, if you need help just ask.' Phil says, he starts to unravel the wraps on his hands.

Pj frowns, he's glad when Dan asks the question for him.

'Where's Chris?'

Phil tenses. That smile fading.

'He's out on a mission for a week.'

Pj's world freezes, Dan joins him with the frowning.

'I thought he still had a while.' Dan mutters.

Phil shrugs. 'It moved. He found out this morning, came and told me first thing.'

Pj unfreezes.

He knew this morning.

Phil continues. 'They're sending some element users in tomorrow, but for the meanwhile, just do some physical work.'

He knew and didn't tell me.

'Didn't you say this mission is really dangerous?' Pj demands.

Phil grimaces. 'It's a tricky one.' He admits.

'When did he go?' Zoe questions.

'He leaves in about an hour.’ Phil sighs. ’Stop interrogating me. Do some work.' Phil orders angrily. The three of them look awkwardly among themselves, acknowledging that they crossed the line.

Dan and Zoe head towards the punching bags. Pj flusters behind. He bites his lip.

'Um... is it okay if I go change my shirt?' Pj asks Phil. Phil raises an eyebrow at him. 'It's tight.' Pj tries to explain. Phil gives him a long look before nodding.

'Sure, be back quickly though. If you see Troye or Emma on the way, tell them to hurry up.'

Pj nods before walking out of the room, knowing exactly where he has to go, hoping he’s still there.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris opens the door.

'You didn't tell me you were going away!' Pj shouts.

Chris's eyebrows fly up. One's got a piercing in. It feels strange to Chris. He sees Pj take a look at his whole body. Purple hair, all black clothing, eyebrow pierced as well as his ears. Pj's mouth falls open for a second. His infatuation coming to the surface of his skin. Impossible to hide. And he knows Chris knows. Chris smiles at him.

'I wanted to think of you being happy.' Chris admits, refusing to lie.

'Why?' Pj demands.

Chris pokes his head out of his door frame, looking left and right. He pulls Pj into his room and shuts the door.

Pj squints at him. Chris shrugs.

'People might have gotten suspicious.'

Pj stops squinting. He looks up and down Chris once more.

'This look kinda works for you I guess. I think you look better natural but needs must.' Pj states.

Chris watches him. Pj flicks his eyes all over the place, they rest on Chris's eyes in the end. Chris likes Pj’s eyes. He really does.

Chris isn't one for talking about feelings. He never learned how to. His best friend can read his mind, he hasn't got a family and everyone else trains him to hide them. But Pj can't read his mind.

'I'm scared Pj.' Chris whispers. His arms hanging, nails having been bitten to shreds. He looks at the floor. 'I got the message when you were sleeping this morning. I just...wanted to pretend it wasn't happening. Have some time off.'

Pj's mouth hangs open. He takes a second to come to grips with seeing Chris this vulnerable.

'Why are you scared?' Pj asks, unsure as to whether he should.

'Can you keep a secret?' Chris smiles. Pj smiles back at him.

'Of course.'

'We're stealing some important information, like history changing. It's heavily guarded and there's a large chance we're going to have to kill for it. ' Chris takes a deep breath. 'There's a large chance we're not all going to come back alive and we all know it. Especially with the move...'

'You think it could be you?' Pj questions.

Chris nods. He sighs. 'I can't leave Phil by himself. I can’t. I'm the only one that can get him to take his damn pills when he needs them.'

Pj frowns. 'Phil takes pills?'

'To help him. They slow things down.' Chris explains. 'His power is overwhelming. It gets too much for him. He’s been getting better recently, but I've seen him do bad things when he's not taken his pills.'

'Like what?'

'Like rip his own hair out. Scratch his own skin so hard that it bleeds.'

Pj's eyes widen. 'Shit.'

Chris rolls his eyes. 'Yeah, shit. I can't die, it'd tear him apart.'

Pj lowers his eyebrows. 'So you could potentially die, and your biggest concern is Phil?'

Chris laughs. 'What else would it be?'

Pj's heart breaks. 'Yourself.'

Chris laughs again. 'My life has pretty much been refusing the things I want because they're dangerous. All I really have is Phil.'

Pj blinks. He pouts.

'If you might not be alive this time next week, why don't you go after something you want?' Pj tempts.

Chris takes a step closer. 'That'd be...stupid.' He looks at Pj's lips. 'There’s only one thing I’ve wanted recently. I could ruin so many things. I'd be acting rashly, on something that might not last. Something I might just...want. '

Chris can see the dilation in Pj's pupils, it's beautiful. Deep breathing.

'Act rashly. Live. Distract yourself.’ Pj orders. ‘Risk. Want.’

_Use me._

Chris reads his body like it’s bold text. His own want is reflected there. He finds himself unable to listen to reason. The memory of Pj’s kiss coming to the front of his mind.

'Just this once.'

Chris slides his hand into the back of Pj's hair. Chris leans forward, Pj comes forward an inch. Their lips collide.

This time, Chris is active. He pushes back at Pj. The force catching Pj off guard. Pj opens his eyes for a second, he sees a small scar on the side of Chris's face. Chris kisses him again, harder. He closes his eyes. Chris removes his hand from Pj's hair. Chris leans down, still keeping their mouths attached, he picks up Pj. With a few clumsy steps, Chris has him pressed to a wall.

Pj feels his want grow. He pulls away from Chris's mouth. Rolling his head back. Slightly elevated. He can feel the whole of Chris's body pressed against his. Chris begins to kiss his neck, Pj gasps at the feeling of it. His eyes opening and shutting.

Pj doesn’t remember ever being made to feel this good.

'How long do you...' Pj breathes out. Chris begins to lightly bite at his neck. 'Don't.' He tries to warn him.

Chris comes away with a smirk. 'It's not exactly like you're going to fucking bruise, is it?' He kisses his mouth again, tasting sweetness there. Pj sighs. Chris moves his hand around Pj's back. He slides it down until it's on his arse. He squeezes. Pj moans, Chris takes the opportunity to slip his tongue into his mouth. Chris moves a hand back into Pj's hair. Pulling lightly. It takes Pj a second to realize that Chris must be holding him against the wall with his power. He's pretty sure that's cheating.

Chris pulls away from Pj's mouth. Pj's mouth feels hot.

'I have to go in ten minutes.' Chris looks into his eyes.

'Ten minutes of making out?' Pj asks.

Chris nods quickly before reattaching their mouths, making Pj laugh.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris leaves three hickeys on Pj's neck. They heal up whilst he kisses him.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris breaks away first.

'I don't have time. We need to stop.' Chris laughs. 'That might actually be the most logical thing I've done in the last few hours.'

Pj's breathing is deep. His lips are red, raw and wet. Chris's eyes widen. He breathing rate increases.

Chris laughs again.

'You're right. Kissing really is the best distraction.' Chris states. 'I have to report for duty in two minutes.' He laughs.

Pj reaches forward, he pecks him on the lips once more.

'Come back to me.' Chris stares at him. He asks. 'I know we don't know each other that well, just... give me the chance to get to know you. Come back to me.' Pj orders. Chris nods.

'I'm certainly going to try.' Chris jokes. He kisses Pj once more. More for the memories than anything else. 'Don't worry about me. Or this. Okay? I'm nothing to worry about.'

'I won't.'

Another quick kiss, 'Good.'

Chris takes the three steps necessary to reach the door. He turns and smiles once more at Pj before opening it. There's still no one there. They walk hand in hand down the hallway. Chris having grabbed Pj's. At the end of the hallway, Pj squeezes Chris's hand and turns to go. Chris whispers.

'If I get back, I want to see you like that again.' The thoughts fly out. He's more scared of them than anything else.

Pj smiles at him. 'You will. Promise.'

Chris smiles back. 'Promise.'

They go their separate ways, both of them turning to look at each other at different times.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj is still in a confused state of bliss. That promise playing on him. Curling his lips towards the sky.

His concern sits in his stomach. His hope flies in his chest.

Chris makes him want to write again. He makes him want to sing those songs he was taught growing up. Play an instrument. Run. When did this happen?

He'd made him want to tell him everything. He's made him want to learn everything. He's made him want to fall in love. He’s made him want.

That's probably stupid.

Pj knows that deep down, it isn't.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'You took your time.' Phil says the second Pj walks into the training room. 'About half an hour actually.' Phil folds his arms. Pj opens and shuts his mouth. It had completely escaped his mind that he had to think of an excuse. His mind had been too full of Chris. He's starting to think that it might have been since the second he got here.

'I...'

'Well?' Phil asks angrily.

'I...'

'He was with me.' Emma cuts in from the punching bags. 'I needed someone help me out and he did.' Emma smiles at Pj.

He hopes his face shows his eternal gratitude.

'What did he help you with?' Phil demands.

Emma glares back at him. 'He went and got me something.'

'What did he get you?'

Emma smirks. 'Tampons. I was too embarrassed to go.'

Phil blinks. He doesn't believe her for a second, and something is up with Pj's aura. He's too tired to deal with this.

Phil fakes rolling his eyes. 'Okay.' He turns back to Pj. 'Do some work.'

Pj nods and heads over to Emma.

'Thank you.' He mouths.

'I saw that!' Phil shouts.

Emma and Pj make eye contact, and start laughing. In the end, so does Phil.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Chris, you're late.' Louise scolds him. He wipes his smile off his face.

'Sorry, I got caught up.' Chris apologizes.

She pulls him in for a hug before they climb into a van filled with scared abnormals.

The van door shuts. They begin to drive away. He sits next to Louise.

He turns back to take one last look at the building. He's glad for the long car journey. He has some time to adjust to so many quick changes.

The mission being moved.

Green eyes. Danger. Lips. Threat. Pj. Change. Everything.

He feels Louise grabbing his hands. The contact makes his jump. She puts both of her hands on top of his. They make eye contact. Chris can feel her fast pulse. He smiles at her and she smiles back.

They look straight ahead.


	2. Chapter 2

The first day passes easily for Pj. He works. He tries not to think about Chris too much. Tries not to worry.

He's not entirely sure what he was thinking. He just knows that when he got here, he was the definition of terrified. Chris made him laugh. He was upset, Chris made it better. Nobody else has ever been as good at it as Chris. He's not even known him for a week. Chris makes him feel good. Kissing him felt good, even if Pj didn't expect it to ever happen.

He collapses into his own bed. Exhaustion finally manages to take him, instead of imagining his family, he's imagining Chris's lips on his.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj's shaken awake. Dan waits for him to get changed before they get food and head to the training rooms.

They are greeted by the sight of a tall blonde man laying on the fighting square.

He's sits up when he hears Pj and Dan enter. Smiling at them both.

'I've not seen you guys before.' The man states.

Dan and Pj exchange a look.

'We're new.' Dan explains.

'Well I was sent here to help train new people. So that makes sense!' The man laughs. He throws himself off the side of the training platform. He gains unnatural height in the air. 'I'm Caspar. I'm an air manipulator. Phil has already told me that my presence here today is unnecessary because no one else uses air. but I'm staying because all my friends are helping and I would be sad.'

Dan and Pj exchange another longer look.

'I'm Dan. Fire manipulator.'

Pj smiles. 'I'm Pj. Earth analyzer.'

Caspar whoops. 'You're the earth analyzer! Chris told me that one of his students could heal. That's really cool man.'

Pj jumps at the mention of Chris's name. Phil walks into the room, overhearing the last of the conversation. Pj's aura glares when Chris's name is mentioned.

'...Thank you.'

'Don't mention it.' Caspar smiles. 'Everyone else should be getting here soon, why don't you show me what you can do?'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The door flies open.

'Hello!' A voice shouts. A man with glasses walks in.

'Mitchell!.' Phil and Caspar shout in unison.

Mitchell laughs. 'I have to help out whilst Chris is out.' Mitchell explains. He looks for the new pupils. Finding Pj, Dan, and Troye.

'Any of you guys a fire starter?' Mitchell asks.

Pj and Troye turn to Dan. Dan slowly raises his hand.

'Dan's the only fire user so if you guys want to get started...' Phil says. Mitchell nods.

Mitchell grins. 'This is going to be fun. You better be wearing fireproof clothing, I don't want to see anything you got to show me.'

Dan blushes.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Zoe and Emma walk into the room. The first thing they see is two giggling balls of flame.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Phil knew that the earth user was going to be a bit late. The water user has no excuse. He also has no idea who either of them are. He knows Mitchell and Caspar, and likes them both, so he hopes his luck continues.

The door slowly opens. A face peers in. It's Charlie. He makes eye contact with Phil.

'Is this where I'm supposed to be?' He asks. Phil laughs.

'Are you supposed to be training people for me?' Phil retorts. Charlie nods and walks over. He looks over at Mitchell and Dan throwing fire at each other. Everyone is watching them. Caspar commentating and making the students laugh.

The few students look at him expectantly.

'I'm Charlie. Earth analyzer. Who am I helping out today?'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The water user strolls in. Phil takes a double take, smiling at him. They'd sent people in that had spare time. The ones that had just got back from missions, the front-line, or defense. He knows that Caspar and Charlie were on a mission. Mitchell was probably just bored.

Caspar looks over.

'There you are Joe! I was starting to think something had happened to you.'

Zoe's world falls onto her shoulders. Her heart in her throat. She dares to look at him. Charlie is mid-talk with Pj. Her eyes widen.

She can't contain her gasp.

He looks at her. Frowns for a second and then looks back at Caspar.

'Yeah, I got held up.'

Zoe carries on looking at him. Trying to take in all the ways he's changed in the last six years. She wasn't even sure if he was still alive.

He tries to walk over to Phil and Caspar, but he's aware of her staring at him. He glares back at her.

'What the fuck is your problem?' He demands.

She smiles at him, laughing a little. It's familiar.

'Don't you recognize me?'

She can pinpoint the exact moment that it clicks for him.

'Zoe?' He asks with disbelief. She nods, she runs to him and he runs to her. They meet in the middle, throwing their arms around each other. 'I thought I'd never see you again.' He murmurs into her ear. She laughs, only just becoming aware of her tears. The whole room is watching.

'I thought you might be dead.' She admits. Joe tears away the hug. A hand on each of her shoulders. He looks straight into her eyes.

'Zoe, what are you doing here?' He asks. He glances away looking at Caspar's expression of shock.

'I'm-I'm like you.'

Joe's heart breaks. 'No.'

She was supposed to be safe.

'Mum and Dad are dead.'

Joe moves a hand so it covers his mouth. His breaths shudder through him. Zoe's tears change from joy to sadness.

'No.' Joe repeats. Aimless protest.

'Dad died in an accident.' She closes her eyes. 'Mum got sick a year ago. She died two months ago. I-I-I...I got triggered when I had to throw out the flowers I'd been sent. Everything got so much and I couldn't...' She trails off. Joe's face darkened with every word. He doesn't know what to do. How to process this. He pulls her back in for another hug.

She continues to talk.

'I knew you were here. Mum and Dad shut me in when they took you away. Neither of them were ever the same. You were one of the last things Mum ever talked about.'

Zoe's words don't make it any easier. Joe feels like screaming, but all he has is silence.

'I wasn't surprised. It took me a minute to figure out that if you were one, then it made sense.' Zoe carries on.

Joe nods.

'I nearly caused an earthquake, but I didn't get caught. I lasted two months.'

Joe smiles at her.

'Two months?' She nods quickly. 'Wow.'

She frowns at him. 'What does that mean?'

He rolls his eyes. 'Nothing.' He hugs her again.

'I won.' She declares.

'It's not a competition.' They break apart the hug.

'But if it was, I would have won.'

'But I've been here longer, if we had a fist fight, I'd win.' Joe points out.

'Prove it.'

Joe laughs. 'Maybe later.'

He turns and looks at everyone watching them. Phil coughs.

'If you guys want to go into the meeting room and catch up, that's fine.' Phil states. 'I can teach the water users.'

Joe looks at Zoe and then back at Phil.

'Are you sure?'

Phil nods, smiling.

'Go.'

Joe smiles back.

Phil thinks about his brother as he watches them go.

Pj thinks about his sister.

The room returns to normal.

Pj thinks about Chris.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The day is odd. Zoe and Joe barely split apart. Phil told Dan that there are other siblings in the building, twins, so it's not ground breaking. It's still pretty big.

Pj sits chatting to Emma whilst they eat.

It's just Dan and Phil. Dan's trying not to linger on it too much.

_How the bloody fuck do you crush on your mind reader friend without getting caught? Help._

Though, Dan's pretty sure if Phil read his mind again, he'd get a lot of internal screaming.

Phil laughs. 'You know, we'd probably have been able to reunite them earlier if Chris had just read your damn folders'

Dan smiles. 'We have folders?'

'Yeah, they have all your details and life stories in. Including everything you don't want them to know.'

Dan whines. 'What? You mean I can't get abducted and leave behind all my cringey memories?' Phil laughs at him.

'What cringey stuff have you done?'

Dan snorts. Phil laughs again.

Dan kind of wants him to stop, and never stop, doing that.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'He didn't not read your folders because he's lazy you know. He didn't want to know everything about you.' Phil tells Dan. 'He's odd like that.'

'He's odd full stop.' Dan adds. Phil rolls his eyes.

'You don't know the half of it, I like him for it. He understands me. Always has.'

'Since you first got here?' Dan asks. Phil nods.

'Do you want to know what the first thing Chris ever said to me was?' Dan nods. Phil looks up to the left and fondly smiles as he recalls. 'It was my first training session. Eight year old me walked in, it was mostly teenagers, there was one other person my age. He was seven and had already been there a year. He walked straight up to me.' Phil starts laughing, Chris's current state of danger creeping in on him. 'He said, _'Do you want me to show you the ropes?'_ and I said _'Yes please'_ so he grinned at me and pointed upwards. At the gym ropes.'

Dan smiles and it grows into a laugh.

'He hasn't changed.'

'He really hasn't.' Phil laughs out, knowing that it isn't true.

Pj listens in with a smile.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

It's hard to sleep on the second night, for everyone.

Joe finally has to mourn for his parents, and for his sister. Caspar holds him through it.

Dan's nightmare reoccurs, but there's no Phil to comfort him. He's left to cry in his room.

Phil tosses and turns, worry making him feel sick.

Pj keeps hearing his sister's voice, his friend's laughter. Panic rises in him. He can't switch off. There's nobody there to help him.

Zoe's guilt has been brought to the surface. It bubbles at the front of her mind.

Emma stares upwards at a blank ceiling, imagining it turning into the thatched one she knew, it doesn't.

Troye has a million little rhythms playing in his head, all of them contradicting. He can't stop. It never stops.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj barely gets any sleep that night. Phil wakes him up for a repeat of the day before. More colour has drained from Phil's face. Pj's mind is more cluttered with concern.

Pj makes a purple rose grow instantly in his training. He still can't heal anyone else. Pj can think of only one place he's seen the colour recently. He smiles at the memory.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj becomes so exhausted that his worry dissolves. It's the first time he's had a dream since he was home. It has his family and friends in. But also his classmates. They're all sitting in a large field.

The last thing he remembers in the dream is Chris kissing him, and his lips tasting like blood.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The third day is a repeat of the second. They train with elements. Phil said that it's like a muscle. You work with it, it becomes stronger and easier to control. Pj's exhausted again.

His mind wonders to Chris periodically throughout the day.

His smile. His skin. His lips.

Pj's mind goes through the things he's said to him.

The speed in which Pj started to like him, how he'd found himself laughing when Chris called him pretty, finding that despite how bad he felt, it was still nice.

It didn't surprise him that kissing Chris would make him feel better.

It doesn't surprise him that having him gone has made things worse.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The fourth day passes. It's that night when Pj finally admits it to himself.

_I miss him._

_I barely know him, and I miss him._

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The fifth day.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The sixth.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Seventh.

_He should be back._

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris and Louise are huddled together, trying to stay hidden.

Chris can feel dirt on his face. It's covering him. There's a gun in his arms, a finger on the trigger. Louise takes deep breaths next to him. There's gunfire behind them.

'You okay?' Chris asks.

Louise laughs. 'Yeah.' She breathlessly responds. Obviously lying, tears are streaming down her face.

'Louise, we can get out of this.' Chris reminds her.

_I have to._

Louise reloads her gun. 'Hazel can't.' Her anger boils. 'Or Evan.' They know they’re dead, they heard the screams.

'Louise, if we go after revenge, we'll join them.' He reminds her. She's got the data stick on her. 'Their deaths would have been pointless.'

'They already are pointless.'

'Our deaths would have been pointless.' He moves a hand, grabbing her arm. 'Let’s not die today. I've got a friend that loves me-' Chris laughs to block out the death. '-And a guy I'd really like to at least get to know.'

A scream from behind them. Louise closes her eyes. They're hidden. At this rate, they won't be for much longer. Louise tries to ignore it. Chris flicks his supply bag off his shoulder. He rests his gun in his lap. At this short distance, it would have been useless. He picks a grenade out of his bag. Ready to pull the pin if he needs to. Louise nods along, accepting it.

'Death over capture?' She asks. Chris nods.

'I'd rather not be tortured.' Chris admits.

Another scream.

'I didn't take you for the romantic Chris.' Louise states. Her heart beats fast.

Chris laughs. 'I'm not.'

'A boy?'

Chris rolls his eyes. 'Okay, maybe I'm a romantic for this guy.'

'Who is he?'

'Earth manipulator. He can heal. He's pretty. Green eyed. Funny. Not as broken as me yet. I've not known him long.'

Chris's words hang. A distant explosion.

'Go for it.' Louise instructs. She clutches her gun still. Knuckles white.

'Why? It’s-'

Another blood curdling scream.

'That's why.'

The enemy gun fire gets closer. More explosions.

Louise is right.

'True.' Another scream. Another friend dead. 'I'll probably do it anyway. This guy's special.'

Louise smiles at him.

'We're going to die aren't we?'

Chris reaches out, he touches the back of her hand. She lets go of the gun. Grabbing his hand, holding it tight like a lifeline.

'I hope you kissed him at least.' Louise jokes. Chris snorts.

He smiles at her.

'I've got a plan. Stay close to me. Kill things when I tell you. Okay?'

'Okay.'

Chris picks the pin out of the grenade and throws it.

They hear another explosion, see the dust, and run.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Eighth day.

_He said he would be back. What if he doesn’t come back?_

Pj thinks it through. He can't claim to be devastated by Chris's loss. Phil's already paler than he should be.

Pj decides that if Chris doesn't come back. He'll let himself be sadder. He'll mourn, and he'll help Phil.

He doesn't want Chris to come back, he wants him by his side now. He wants to laugh and forget and be distracted. He wants to figure out how Chris got him in so deep in such a short amount of time. It was like he plunged into a pool of cold water. He doesn’t remember feeling more alive then when he was kissing Chris.

He just wants Chris.

He falls asleep for an hour and wakes up crying.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Ninth day. Chris still isn't back. Phil turns up late for training. The whole group have been sedated by the lack of knowledge. Phil walks in, and they all look at him, desperate for news. His face shows the same confused muted sadness as the day before.

Everyone’s effected by Chris being gone. Phil finds that surprising. They've not even known him that long yet they'd accepted him. Phil and Chris don't get accepted that often, they are the different among the different ones. He prays that Chris comes back. These people could be their family, Chris and Phil could have that again.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Tenth day.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Eleventh day. Still nothing.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Twelfth day. Phil is halfway through sparring with Caspar. He's indulged in quite a few of these, seeing as he stands a chance of winning.

He sees it out of the corner of his eye. It's dim. It's coming closer. He can see it through the concrete. He stares at the aura for so long that Caspar manages to kick him straight in the chest. Phil turns to him slowly.

'I concede.' He whispers. He begins to run to the door.

'What?' Caspar frowns. 'We only just got-'

'I concede!' Phil shouts. A few extra pairs of eyes watch him.

He runs. Phil runs to the door. It opens in front of him.

He's in Chris's arms. Chris staggers back at the surprise, but he pulls them back. Rocking them. Noises of shock go through the room.

'Miss me Philly?' Chris asks. Chris's aura has dimmed, it has not got the same light it normally has.

'Yes.' Phil breathes out loudly. Close to tears. 'I thought you were going to be dead.'

Chris flinches. Phil breaks away from the hug. Chris's aura is cold.

'Me, Louise, Jack, and Dean.' Chris says each word like it's heavy.

Phil frowns. The whole room watches. 'What?'

Chris locks eyes with Phil.

'That was everyone that made it out.' Chris begins to shake. 'Just the four of us. They sent out fourteen.'

The wave of shock goes across the room.

Chris continues.

'The guards they sent with us didn't even make it. I had to drive us back. Jack got shot, Dean was having to block it. Louise had to revive him twice.' Chris's breath shudders.

Phil reaches out, he pulls him in for another hug.

'You're here now.' Phil says, rubbing his back. Chris nods, reaching out and holding Phil tighter than he's ever held him before.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Phil lets go. Chris turns around and is met by Mitchell running into him. Chris nearly trips.

'You fucking scared me.' Mitchell says. Chris returns the hug.

A light chuckle goes around the room.

'I'll make it up to ya.'

'You'd better.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Phil watches Chris aura get brighter and brighter. Chris is surprised when Dan runs over after Mitchell to embrace Chris. It's a short hug, followed by laughter.

'I'm glad you're okay.' Dan stuttered, looking at Phil for a second afterwards.

'Me too.' Chris jokes.

Then Caspar jumps on him and Chris can't stop laughing.

Joe greets him in a calmer manner, explaining the recent developments with the finding of his sister. Chris listens with wide eyes and occasional nods.

Charlie hugs him. Emma hugs him. Troye puts his arms around Chris's neck for a second.

Chris gets more and more shocked each time.

Then Pj's in front of him. Chris's aura is practically on fire. He holds him, longer than he should. Chris analyzes his whole body once more. Memorizing it. Pairing it with his smell.

Chris smiles at him. Pj's mouth flounders.

'I'm glad you're okay too.' He splutters.

Chris chuckles. 'You barely know me.'

Pj smirks. 'I guess I got more attached then I thought I had.' 

_Same._

'Good.'

The group laugh. Nobody pushes for details, they just reconnect with their friend. Chris distracts themselves with them. He begins to let himself forget and recover.

Another long look at Pj and he knows that he wants to distract himself even further.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The day ends with all of the pupils having to spar with their element teacher. Chris thinks it was worth surviving just to see Dan and Mitchell attempt to fight and keep a straight face.

Chris tries to watch each of them and mark their improvements. They've all shown some development in their abilities and applying them to combat. Though Chris thinks that comes from more from some experience. Dan has definitely improved, seemingly more comfortable than he was before.

Chris also analyzes their physique. It will take a lot more time to work them up to standard and give an extra stamina boost. But they seem a little stronger, Chris thinks part of that might be in their mentality. All of them seem a lot less scared now, still sad, there's more anger.

Chris is glad. Anger can be used, anger can save you. You get nowhere when you cower in fear.

Chris applies his last thoughts to a different scenario. Still in mission mode. Finding it hard to flip that switch.

He nearly died, he's not going to be scared of what he wants anymore. Even if it does add more danger to his life.

He's not going to be scared of Pj.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Phil's barely let him out of his sight. He's not had the chance to talk to Pj yet. Seeing as Pj was one thing that pretty much got him through that. It's late at night. Chris has the day off tomorrow. Phil and Chris are in Chris's room.

'Phil, do you think I could have some alone time?'

There's hurt on Phil's face. Phil tries to wipe it away.

'Yeah, sure.' Phil gets up to go to his room.

'No, Phil. I've just had a lot happen recently. I need time to think about it.' Chris lies with ease.

Phil smiles and nods. He walks back and hugs Chris once more.

'Love you Chris.'

'Love ya too Phil.'

Phil gets up and leaves. Chris gives it ten seconds. Goes to his bathroom. Checks how he looks, brushes his teeth. Breathes. Closes his eyes. Ignores the feeling of blood. He leaves his bathroom and then he leaves his room.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

He walks quietly, pausing when he reaches a window to look over the city. He carries on walking.

He reaches the group of rooms his students inhabit. Hearing laughter. He doesn't go fully around the corner, choosing to see the source first. He hears Pj's voice.

'Fucking hell!' Pj shouts. 'Dan!' Dan giggles loudly.

'You loose.' Emma states.

Chris peaks around the corner. Pj has his face in his hands.

'I'm literally the most annoyed I've ever been.' Dan seethes.

Zoe and Troye high five.

'I'm a disappointment.' Pj shouts. He turns back to Dan. 'We had that!'

'I know!' Dan screams in agreement.

The group laugh. Chris sees their arrangement. They've all pulled furniture out from their rooms. Chairs and a table from somewhere. They're playing cards.

Emma starts to pile to cards.

'Troye and Zoe are victorious... again.' Pj and Dan groan.

'It's unfair.' Dan points out. 'This game comes from the lakes. I literally have never seen a lake in my whole life.'

'The closest thing we had to lakes was rivers. There was a game with those actually.'

'Who can throw themselves furthest over?' Dan jokes. Pj nods.

'We used to pretend to be wizards. From you know, before the war.' Dan laughs.

'We all used to leave each other messages in the sand.' Dan adds. 'My friends tried to bury me in it once, I nearly got bitten by a snake.' 

'They don't sound like very good friends.' Zoe points out.

'They're nothing on you guys.' Dan says, smiling. Dimples showing, he's sincere. The group coo him. Emma pulls him into a head lock. Dan laughs. 'What? They were all mean and you guys are nice. We could all do with people being nice to us.'

Emma raises her eyebrows at him. 'Dan, they're making us fight in a war against our choice.'

Dan shrugs. 'They give us rooms, they train us up. They let us make friends. It could be a lot worse.' The group nod.

'So are we all officially friends now?' Troye asks.

The group look among themselves. They all nod except for Pj who crinkles up his nose.

'Come on Pj.' Emma jokes.

He shakes his head, his smile defying it.

'Aw'

'Come on.'

'Pj...'

Dan pretends to cry.

'Oh alright. We're friends.' Pj says, rolling his eyes. The group cheer. Dan pulling him in for a hug.

'And with that sickly sweet moment, I think we go to bed.' Emma states.

'Can't we stay out a bit longer?' Dan begs.

'It's nearly midnight.' Emma points out. 'I don't want to ruin the party, but we should at least try to sleep.'

The group nod along. Dan's is void of emotion. They stack their chairs in the corner. Troye pushes the table into the corner with it.

'Goodnight guys.' Zoe shouts out. Walking into her room.

'Night.' Emma calls.Walking into her room.

Troye smiles at Pj and Dan. 'See you tomorrow.' He opens his door and goes into his room.

Pj and Dan look at each other. Dan has his back to Chris. Chris walks out silently. He puts a finger over his lips, telling Pj to shush if he sees him. Pj's eyes flick to him.

'Do you want to hang out some more?' Dan asks. Chris can hear the desperation in his voice.

Pj looks at Chris before answering.

'I'm going to try and get some sleep too. It would be best if you did Dan.' Pj says. Chris laughs silently.

_I'm not letting you sleep for a while yet._

'I'll try.'

_Unless you want to sleep._

'Good.' Pj smiles at Dan. Dan goes to the door of his room and Pj goes to his. Dan enters and shuts the door. Pj opens his door and closes it with him still outside.

Pj walks to him. Chris smirks.

'Hello again.' Pj whispers.

'Hello again. My room?' Chris asks. Pj nods. They walk carefully through abandoned hallways to the rooms which have formed Chris's sanctuary.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris door shuts. Pj is on him in a second. Those lips connecting with Chris's. Chris pushes back. Hands clasping at his body, feeling warmth through fabric. He kisses him so hard that he he feels static in his skin. Pj breaks away while panting.

'You scared me.' He says mouth slightly open, eyes wide and dilated.

'I scared me.' Chris confirms. Pj snorts. Chris can still feel him, hear his breathing. 'I don't think I knew how infatuated I was with you until I nearly died.' Chris admits, the words fly out. The truth feels strange on his tongue.

Pj's eyes widen, he smiles at Chris. Chris has never felt more relaxed. The horror is pushed away. Forgotten. Pj bites his lip.

'I don't think I realized either.' Pj looks at Chris's mouth. 'I missed you.' He looks back at Chris's eyes. 'I want you.'

Chris smiles. The light practically makes Pj's skin glow.

'I think we need to set some ground rules.' Chris says. Pj nods quickly. His thoughts clearly elsewhere. Chris can't have that.

Chris moves both of his hands to Pj's hips. He pulls him close to him. He smashes their mouths together, thinking for a second that he might chip a tooth. He lowers his hands to Pj's thighs, in a quick motion, he pulls Pj up so he's carrying him. Using his power to support them both. Chris walks them to the bed, putting him down there.

Chris tears his lips from Pj's, leaving him wanting. Pj looks at him attentively.

'Ground rules?' Pj asks.

'This isn't just a one time thing. For me it isn't. '

Pj nods. 'You wouldn't risk this much on a one time thing would you?'

Chris laughs. 'You're a quick learner.' Chris smiles. ‘Normally, I just have hook ups. I don’t want this to be...’

Pj leans up and pecks him on the mouth.

'It's okay, I think I understand.'

Chris bites back a smile. He kisses him lightly. His lips pull away.

'Honesty. Can you be honest with me?' Pj asks, vulnerable.

Chris frowns. 'I'm always honest with you.'

'Do you actually like me back? Or am I just a convenient distraction?' Pj questions, not aggressive with his tone. Chris's eyes widen.

'Of course you're not a distraction. I think you're amazing.'

Pj smiles, his eyes dazzle Chris. 'Really?'

Chris kisses him once on the mouth. 'You're smart-' One on the corner of his lips. 'You're funny-' His cheek. 'Strong.' Jaw. 'Stunning.' He kisses him once on the neck before coming back to his mouth. ' I like you back, you idiot. I honestly don't know how I resisted you this long.'

Pj chuckles. 'We lasted less than a week.'

'If I'd been on form. I would have found you cute in five minutes, developed a sickening crush on you in ten, and had you fifty. Instead of holding back.'

Pj leans up, using his hands to support him.

'Have me now.' He orders.

'Anything for you.'

Chris leans onto Pj, pushing him back down on the bed. Their lips touch, devouring. Chris runs hands through Pj's hair. He feels Pj's fingers on his stomach, trying to remove his shirt. He shifts his weight so the shirt can come off. Pj leans up so Chris can take his off.

Chris runs his hands over Pj's unmarked skin. Kissing him again. Harder. He explores Pj's torso. Pj contently rests his hands on Chris's back. Chris feeling nails digging in. Chris pulls his mouth away from Pj's. Kissing his neck again. Finding a fondness in how weak it makes Pj, who gasps under his touch. Groaning. His arousal growing.

'Fuck Chris.' Pj pants. Chris pulls a few centimeters away. Looking back at Pj's face.

'I thought this was going to go the other way.' Chris jokes.

'Oh ha fucking ha. Like that's not overdone.'

'You wouldn't want me if I wasn't so funny.'

'I'd want you more if you shut up and fucked me.' Pj demands. Chris smirks, he’s has always liked a bossy one.

'Orders are orders.' Chris jokes. They share eye contact for a few long seconds. 'You sure you want this? I understand if you don't.'

'I want this.' Pj states with passion. 'Do you?'

'Yes.'

'Good, kiss me you idiot.'

Chris shakes his head. 'Your wish is my command.' He jokes again. Pj laughs despite it.

Chris kisses him again. It's a long kiss. Pj groans loudly at the sensation. Pj digs his nails in. Chris pulls away from the kiss.

'Stop wasting time.' Pj moans. Chris can feel his erection underneath him. Chris smirks.

'I will.' Chris moves his hands to the band of Pj's trousers. He changes his mind at the last second. Instead of removing the clothing, he slips his hands underneath. Getting to witness the sudden tension in Pj's body as he wraps his hand around his cock. He listens to Pj's breathing rate increase as he begins to pump it, Pj's body acting like a machine.

'Fucking hell.' Pj says, his hips moving in time with Chris's hand. Chris uses his power to pull Pj's trousers and underwear down his legs. 'That's cheating.' Pj complains.

'You really going to moan about it?' Chris laughs. Pj's cock is free, Chris's movements are easier. His own arousal being the only problem.

'Why don't you give me something else to moan over?'

Chris looks him in the eyes.

He's always liked a challenge too.

He takes his hand away from Pj's cock. Pj whimpers. Chris gets incredibly turned on by it. Chris puts his hand out, the lube and a condom from his dresser flies into it. Pj laughs again, making Chris chuckle.

'Do they give those out?' Pj asks between breaths, watching Chris eagerly as he applies the lube to his hands.

'Yep. Safe sexual practices and everything.'

Pj leans up from where he'd been laying beneath Chris. He kisses him once. Chris's lips search for him. Pj picks the condom off the bed next to him and throws it back at the dresser. He lays back. Chris watches with an eyebrow raised.

'I've got a perfect immune system. We don't need it.' Chris can’t find an argument against it.

Chris's hand is lubed up. He leans over Pj's body again. He grabs Pj's arse, squeezing it. Enjoying the flow of tension and anticipation in him.

'You ready?' Chris asks. Pj nods quickly.

Chris slowly pushes one finger into him. His heat is brilliant. Pj feels painful pleasure which melts into just pleasure.

Chris moves the finger around, stretching him. Pj gathers enough competent thought to reach up and grab Chris's neck. Bringing him down to kiss him. The kisses are sloppy but fulfilling. Chris inserts a second finger and begins to scissor. Chris kisses Pj's neck, biting him. Leaving marks which he knows will only ever be temporary.

Pj's feet curl, his legs tensing. Those little pants which Chris adores.

'How are your... trousers still on?'

When Chris thinks about it. He really doesn't have an answer.

Chris uses his ability to remove his own clothes. Pj kisses him again. Pj's finding it hard to move. His body twitching. His mouth running random words and syllables.

Chris hits his prostate and Pj physically shakes with the sensation of it.

'Fuck me.' Pj whispers. 'Please. Chris.' Pj begs him.

Chris removes his fingers, determining that Pj is stretched enough. He grabs the lube again, applying it liberally to his cock. Pj leans up, resting his arms over his neck. Their foreheads rest together, then their lips do.

Pj lays back on the bed, Chris lines himself up. Chris looks at his face, Pj nods at him. His eyes entrance Chris. With all of Chris's self control to not just fuck him senseless already, Chris pushes in slowly. Pj groans. Chris nearly blisses out at the feeling of Pj around him. He carries on pushing in. He gives Pj a moment to adjust. Not wasting time anymore, he leans over and kisses him.

'I'm ready.' Pj says quietly, his breath hitching.

Chris smirks before pulling out and slamming back in again. Pj swears loudly at the pleasure. Chris grabs tightly onto his hips as he does it again and again. Harder and harder. Chris chases after the ecstasy of climax. The ecstasy of Pj. He hits Pj's prostate. Pj holds tightly onto him, they both move with the rhythm. In that moment, it wouldn't surprise Pj if the world moved with their rhythm.

Closer and closer. It feels like Pj's been doing this for years. It feels like something Chris has always been missing. Closer and closer to each other, more grabbing hands and quick kisses.

Chris puts a hand onto Pj's cock, pumping him.

Release.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj is still panting, recently cleaned. He's barely moved since he came. Chris laughs.

'Having fun?'

Pj breathes with the word. 'Yeah.'

'We going to do that again?'

'Yeah.'

Chris laughs again.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'You okay?' Chris asks, he lays naked in the bed next to Pj. Both of them under the covers this time.

Pj's head rests on his arm. His eyes are shut. His hair sticks up. Chris feels no urge to pat it down. Seeing Pj this raw is like art.

'I'm pretty fantastic.' Pj murmurs in response. 'You're right. We should have done that since day one.' Chris laughs, he kisses the top of Pj's head.

'I missed you. I really did.'

I hope you never have to see anything like what I saw a few days ago. It'd ruin you Pj.

'I missed you too.' Pj opens his eyes. 'We're doing this again right?'

'Yes. If you want to.'

'So there's no point freaking out about it.'

'We'll be fine. We just can't show this off. You happy with that?' Chris asks. Pj sleepily nods.

'I'm happy with that.'

'You tired?' Pj slowly nods again. Chris wraps his arms around him. Pj shuffles into the gesture.

'Goodnight Chris. I'm glad you're not dead.'

'Goodnight Pj.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj falls into a calm sleep. His breaths even, providing a rhythm. Chris can feel Pj's heart beat. His hair still messy. His scent strong, but elegant. Chris has his hand on Pj's wrist. Playing with the knot of a woven band. He'd meant to ask Pj if there was a story behind it.

Chris looks back at the resting person in his arms.

He lets his worry vanish. That this could end badly, that one of them could die, that this was a bad idea. That they acted on lust, and shouldn't have.

He hasn't felt this good in years. And even if it does end badly, it'll all have been worth it. Just for these moments, these hours.

He lets that go. He lets his training, the words 'Never let your guard down' go.

He closes his eyes. For the first time, he doesn't feel blood trickling over him. He feels bed sheets, sweat and the warmth of another body.

Hours pass and eventually, that headache comes, then Chris crashes into sleep.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj wakes up to sunlight coming through the window and knocking at the door. He looks over at Chris.

'Chris? You in?' Phil's voice through the door.

Pj tears himself away from Chris, untangling quickly.

Pj runs into the bathroom as Phil begins to slowly crack open the door.

Pj's heart beats hard.

This all accelerated quickly.

'Chris?'

Pj hears footsteps.

'Huh?' Chris's voice makes Pj smile.

'Pj's missing.'

Pj's eyebrows shoot up.

A pause. Chris almost sounds amused. 'Huh?'

Pj has to not laugh at Chris.

'What do I do?' Pj can't hear what Chris says. He guesses it's inappropriate. 'Chris!'

'Just get on with training. His loss.'

'You sure?'

'It's not exactly like he's left the building or jumped off is it?'

'No.'

'Then he'll show.’ Chris sighs. ‘Come on, screw having a day off. Lets get back to work.'

'Okay.'

There's a few seconds silence.

'Phil, you need to leave.'

Phil sounds confused.

'Why?'

'I'm naked as fuck right now.'

'Oh.' Pj hears footsteps. 'See you at training.' The door shuts.

Chris leaves it a few seconds and starts laughing hysterically.

'Pj, you can come out.' Chris laughs. Pj opens the door a crack and Chris carries on laughing.

'How did you know I was in there?'

'You left your clothes behind you fucking idiot. I figured you were in there, otherwise, Phil would have seen your aura. They put in concrete walls a few years ago. Everyone's auras were keeping Phil up. He's too valuable to lose.' Chris sits up in the bed. His bare chest exposed. 'Of course, you could secretly be an exhibitionist and have run off naked.' Pj chooses this exact moment to open the door fully. Chris looks up and down him once. 'Would you look at that? I was right.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj begins to pull his clothes on. Chris remains in bed.

'You hurting at all?' Chris asks, concern evident in his tone. Pj frowns when he remembers that he should at least be a little uncomfortable.

'No. Not at all...' He rolls his eyes when he realizes what's happened. 'My ability...'

Chris starts laughing. 'Did your body heal you after a fucking?'

Pj joins him in the laughing. 'It would look like it.' He exposes his neck to Chris. 'Have I got any marks?'

Chris smirks. 'Not yet.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj lays on top of Chris. Chris is topless. Pj is fully clothed. They're kissing again. Pj breaks apart.

'You just said that to Phil so we'd have time to do this didn't you?'

Chris nods and pulls their lips back together.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris is pulling his clothes on.

Pj lays on the bed, resting on his back. He runs his fingers over the bruises on his neck, feeling their pain become less and less.

'I miss the ache.' Pj states.

'What do you mean?' Chris rests on the bed next to him.

'I wish I could feel you still.' Pj says, calmly. Wistful. Chris frowns at him. 'I'm still not used to being different.' Pj adds.

'It's not a bad thing-' Chris starts.

'-I know. I'm not Dan-'

'-Good thing too. Or Phil might have killed me.'

Pj sits back up, watching Chris pull some shoes on.

'What do you mean?' Pj questions. Chris grins at him.

'Have you not noticed the obvious crush Dan and Phil have on each other?' Chris teases.

'I noticed the Dan side.' Pj informs Chris. Chris nods.

'I've known Phil longer. Know more of his tells.'

'Are we going to have to try and set them up?' Pj asks mischievously.

'I think we might have to. It'll be harder though. Phil's more stubborn than me.'

'You mean it'll take less than just a mutual crush and some time together to get them to fuck?' Pj reaffirms. Chris laughs.

'Pretty much. Phil's not one for the secret love thing. He would want to tell the world.'

Pj pauses for a second.

'And you're okay not telling everyone?' Pj asks, his tone changing. Chris's face grows soft. His lips curling into a smile.

'It's what's best. It keeps us safe. It means they can't use us against each other. ' Chris takes a step forward. He puts a hand on Pj's cheek. Pj leans into it. 'I'm not putting you in anymore danger.' He states. Pj nods.

'Then we're our own secret?' Pj whispers. Looking up at Chris. 'I'm okay with that.'

Chris smiles, he takes a step back. He holds out his hands for Pj to take. Pj takes them, allowing himself to be pulled to his feet.

'You're going to have to let me lie for you.'

Chris kisses him once. Pj nods after.

'What are you thinking?'

'Maybe you got homesick and went to the roof.'

Pj nods. 'Maybe I was just wondering around and managed to avoid everyone.'

'Maybe you were hiding in the closet.' Chris jokes.

'Maybe I was getting desperately fucked by you.'

Chris pulls him in for a closer kiss. More tongue, saliva exchanged. It leaves Pj feeling satisfied in his soul.

'Don't make me want to do it again.' Chris says, looking straight into him.

Pj raises his eyebrows at him. 'We're doing it again.'

Chris rolls his eyes. 'Not right now. We need to get you into training. We don't need to get you naked and screaming my name on the bed.'

Pj widens his eyes. 'You're not exactly making me want to go to training.'

'We'll do the other thing later.'

'Thank god.'

Chris laughs. A kiss on the cheek.

'We need to go.' Chris orders.

'We will. But we need to fix our sex hair first.' Pj points out, earning a chuckle.

Chris kisses him once more.

'Leave it.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris doesn't bother with the door handle. The door flies open and Pj laughs.

'I found him.' Chris shouts out to Phil. Phil spins to look at him, halfway through sparring with Emma. The others are spread throughout the room doing their own thing. Phil obviously having decided that physical training was the way to go.

'Where-'

'-You don't have to lecture him. I already covered it. He was on the roof.' Chris supplies. Phil frowns.

'I checked the roof.'

'I moved around for a bit. We probably walked past each other. Sorry.' Pj lies.

Phil takes in both of their auras. Bright, not irregularly though, as bright as they normally are around each other. They're melding easily. Pj's aura having taken a slightly different shade of green, a healthy darker one. Phil nods.

'Get on with it then.' Phil commands, gesturing towards the treadmills. Walking quickly to them. He takes one next to Dan. laughing within a couple of seconds at something Troye said.

Chris takes a seat and watches Phil and Emma pretend to fight, sparing a glance at Pj every few minutes. Not fighting his smile.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

There's a knock at the door an hour later.

Chris and Phil exchange a look. Chris nods at Phil.

'Come in.' Phil calls out.

Louise pokes her head around the corner. Eyes searching, she smiles when she spots Chris.

'I was looking for you.' She addresses Chris, entering the room, she turns to Phil. 'But I haven't seen you since we got back.'

Phil smiles, walking over and pulling her into his arms. He rubs her back.

'I'm glad you're okay Louise.' He says as the break apart. She fakes a smile.

'I've been better, but I'm still breathing.' She dramatically turns to Chris. 'Thanks to this brilliant one.' Chris snorts. Phil moans.

'Don't give him an even bigger ego.' He complains, smiling.

'He deserves it. Jack just woke up, he's going to be fine.'

Chris lets out a breath that he didn't realize he was holding.

'Really?'

Louise smiles and nods. 'They're not letting anyone see him for a few days but he's fine.'

Chris smiles. Rubbing the lower half of his face with his hand.

'Is Dean okay?'

'Dean's fine. Still sleeping it off.'

Chris laughs.

'Understandable.' Chris nods, looking at the floor. 'I thought Jack would have lost too much blood.'

Louise shrugs. 'Me too. I guess with Dean and me compressing it and you using your ability when you could, we made it.'

There's a second silence.

'The four of us.' Chris adds.

Louise smiles without her eyes joining it.

'It would have just been Dean if you hadn't got us out Chris.' She shrug, and huffs out a laugh. 'Probably not even Dean.'

Chris rolls his eyes. 'You would have been fine.'

Louise looks unimpressed. 'I would have died in that fucking alcove, listening to the screams of my friends. Take some credit Chris, you saved my life.'

Chris's mouth opens and closes, void of argument. He falls onto a shrug.

'I should have saved more.' Chris admits to the floor. Phil and Louise look on with sympathy. 'Hazel, Ben, Joey, Jim, Tanya, Cat, Dodie, Bry, Evan... None of them deserved to die.'

A heavy silence. Chris realizes that everyone is watching. He allows it, they needed a break from training anyway.

'Chris, you saved yourself and three other people. We all helped each other. It's okay that it was just us. It would have been okay if it was just yourself.' Louise finally responds. 'Believe me Chris, I was there.'

Chris looks into her eyes.

'That data better have been fucking worth it, or I'm snapping some necks.'

'It wouldn't be the first time.' Phil adds with a snort.

Chris smiles.

Louise looks out at the room.

'Are you all these guy's pupils?'

'Yup.' Phil responds. Louise looks at Phil, then at Chris. Then back at the five faces looking at her.

'What the hell did you guys do to deserve them?' She jokes.

Phil huffs. 'How mean.'

Chris tuts. 'They did kinky things.'

Louise frowns at Chris. 'What kinky things?'

'Hmmm...'

She giggles. 'What?'

'I can't think of a way to describe them.' He grins at her. 'Maybe I'll just have to show you them.' He winks at her. She laughs.

'Don't make me slap you Chris.'

Chris smirks. 'Oh, so you already know some of them.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris's cheek is red and stings, to give Louise credit, she's got a fine backhand.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'So who's who?' Louise asks Phil.

Phil points as he says people's names. They continue with their exercise.

'Oh that's Dan, Zoe-’ Chris has to stop himself from pausing. ‘Pj, Emma, and Troye.'

Louise nods.

'Perfect, any cool abilities?' Louise asks as a joke, shaking her whole body as she asks, Phil chuckling.

Chris panics.

Phil opens his mouth to respond.

_Shit._

'None as cool as yours.' Chris interrupts. Louise turns around to glare at him.

'It's just electricity.'

Dan turns around form a nearby punch bag.

'Did you say electricity?' Dan questions with awe.

Louise grins before rubbing her hands together, sparks coming off them. She pulls them apart, a bolt of lightning passes between them.

'How did you do that?' Dan asks, eyes wide, mouth open.

'I'm a fire manipulator.' Louise explains. 'It's just to do with energy flow and control. Instead of controlling it in the form of fire, I control it in a different way.'

'That's awesome.' Dan says, admiring her gift.

'Thank you.' Louise smiles.

_I think I got away with that._  

'And I thought that Pj being able to heal would be the coolest ability.' Dan states.

_Shit._

'Pj can heal?'

Chris can hear the grin form on Louise's face.

He dares to look at her. She's looking straight back, syes wide, smiling. He shakes his head.

_No. No. Please._  

Pj turns around.

_Don't get too close sweetheart. She could out us without meaning to._  

'I can heal myself.' Pj answers.

Louise nods, impressed.

Chris thinks of how he could change the subject. Landing abruptly on something that could work.

'They've been getting their strength up for about two weeks now. If you wanted to teach some knife throwing, they could probably do it.' Chris blurts out.

Louise laughs.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

She's been showing them her technique and the correct way to aim for the last hour. Getting Chris and Phil up to demonstrate at different points. Chasing Chris around when she realized he was using his ability to cheat.

Chris had been smiling at Troye trying to help Dan, who'd been having issues. He hadn't even seen Louise come up behind him. She whispers gently into his ear. Chris has been sitting down, using his powers to return the weapons to his pupils.

'Nice green eyed healer you've got there.'

Chris's entire body freezes. He reaches out and grabs her wrist.

'Don't-'

'Oh shit, I'm so sorry.' Louise apologizes. She steps around the front of the chair, sitting next to Chris. 'I meant that honestly, he's nice. I see why you find him special. Did you take it any further?' Louise teases.

Chris rolls his eyes. 'We might have.'

Louise's eyes widen. 'Have fun?'

Chris glares at her. His voice dripping with sarcasm. 'No.'

She laughs, grabbing his shoulder.

Her laughter dies down. She looks him straight in the eyes.

'I won't tell anyone. Just be careful. He's your pupil too. Don't break his heart.'

Chris snorts. 'There's no way I could-'

'-You could break his heart? Chris, Honey, He's been watching us this whole time.' Chris takes a look at Pj, their eyes meeting. Pj looks away. 'See?'

Chris looks at him for a long moment. Pj blushes.

'Yes.' Chris slowly says.

'Good. Don't hurt him Chris, or yourself. Don't be stupid, just have fun.' Louise instructs.

'Don't hurt me?' Chris asks skeptically.

'I know you're not as strong as you want everyone to think. I've nearly seen you die Chris. Your last regrets were that you were leaving a love unloved and your best friend behind.'

Chris chuckle, Louise’s words making him consider too much. . 'A love? Pj and I haven't even known each other a month. We're just a thing.'

Louise rolls her eyes. 'Fine, a thing unthinged. I know he has power to break your heart.’ Chris snorts. ‘Even if you don't want to admit it and he doesn't know. Just take care of yourself.'

Chris laughs. 'Fine. I'll take care of myself.' Dan throws the knife again. Missing by a wide margin, Chris doesn't let it fall to the ground. Holding it and then slowly floating it back to Dan.

'Here, let me help.' Louise gets out of the chair next to him to aid Dan. Chris makes eye contact with Pj. Smiling. Pj gives him a shy smile back.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'You're doing better than the other training group by the way. Someone nearly lost an eye in theirs.' Louise informs them.

Zoe looks at her with wide questioning eyes.

'There's another training group?'

'All the teenagers.' Chris explains.

Zoe nods quickly.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Dan throws his knife, it hits the target.

Chris picks him up and spins him in celebration.

'How are you doing this? I'm bigger than you!' Dan shouts. The room laughs.

'I'm a strong boy.' Chris shouts in response. He puts Dan down. Dan grabs his shoulders to balance himself.

'This is when I can't do it again.' Dan jokes.

Chris nods and considers it.

'Then at least we'll have celebrated it properly.' Chris retorts.

Dan rolls his eyes before returning to training.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Watching them all improve with using their first weapon was fun.  

He thinks back to what they were like on the first day a few weeks ago. A little more scared, a little too hurt for comfort. They've changed even in these few days. Becoming physically stronger, becoming more angry, more determined, more homesick.

The day draws to a close. He tells them to go eat, have a shower, sleep.

Pj and Chris look at each other as he walks out the door. He mouths a singular word.

'Tonight?'

Chris nods. The promise making him smile.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris just got out of the shower. His hair wet. Most of the purple washed out after his first shower when he got back, the one they made him take to get the blood of him, mostly Jack's.

His closes his eyes. Trying to ignore those screams coming back. The ones that were their last.

Earlier screams come back. The noise the first person he killed made. The second. Third.

Their screams were so different, but their blood was the same shade of red. Everyone's blood is the same, including his own.

A knock at the door distracts him. He pushes the thoughts away once more. Locking them back int their box.

Pj comes into the room and Chris's smile is natural.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Tell me a story.' Chris orders. Both of the lay facing each other under the covers of the bed. Sweat is making Pj's hair stick to his face. Again.

'What about?' Pj responds. His voice is slightly hoarse from overuse.

'Anything. Growing up. Just tell me about you.'

Pj raises an eyebrow. 'I know barely anything about you. Why don't you tell me a story?'

Chris smiles but it doesn't spread to his eyes. 'None of my stories are particularly happy. I want to hear yours.'

Pj nods. He squints. 'I can't think of any.'

'What's the thing that comes to mind?' Chris prompts.

'The day I finished school.'

'Tell me about the day you finished school.'

Pj smiles. 'I'm the same age as my best friends. They're called Jamie, Sophie, and Louis. All of our parents live and work on the same farm, we all help each other. All four of us used to go to school together, walk together. I've probably mentioned this.'

Chris nods to encourage him. 'Carry on.' 

Pj shrugs. 'On the last day, we all came back to the farm.' Pj stops when he realized what he said. He shuts his eyes whilst he corrects himself. 'Went. We went back to the farm.'

Chris takes his hand to comfort him. Pj opens his eyes.

'Tell me more?' Chris begs.

Pj smiles. 'I've always loved music. My parents did loads of fucking trading, they got me a guitar. A super new one.'

Chris's eyebrows raise. 'Wow.'

'It was the most expensive thing in our house. I knew how to play. We lit a massive fire at the edge of the farm, near the river. It was the middle of the summer, during a drought. We slept outside and went swimming. I made it look like I was going to push Sophie in, but at the last second, she curled up and I stopped to see if she was okay. Then she pushed me in.'

Chris laughs. 'Nice.'

Pj rolls his eyes. 'I deserved it. I played a song, an old one, while Sophie and Louis danced by the flames. It was honestly one of the best days of my life.'Pj yawns. 'I also liked meeting you all I suppose. Even if I was gagged. Oh, thanks for the pretending to be one of us thing. It didn't give me trust issues at all.'

Pj closes his eyes. Chris chuckles.

'It was fun.' Chris says.

'That's your idea of fun?'

'You didn't get to see the looks on everyone's faces.' Chris points out.

'You're a bit of a dick aren't you?' Pj laughs.

'You love it.' Chris teases.

'I'm a bit of a bitch too.' Pj adds.

'Not really.'

'Well yeah.'

'That's just your defense mechanism. I'm just a bitch full time.' Chris comments.

Pj frowns with his eyes closed. 'But surely, that's your mechanism too.'

_It stops being a defense mechanism when you need to be defended all the time._

'You want to go to sleep?' Chris asks.

'You're letting me go to sleep.' Pj orders. 'You're the one that tired me out.'

Chris chuckles again. 'With training?'

'No, with the mind blowing sex.' Pj corrects him.

'Oh, that.' Chris retorts. Pj snorts.

Chris reaches out and pulls Pj to him.

'Go to sleep.'

'I will.'

Chris rests his lips on the top of Pj's head and shuts his eyes.

Pj's just glad for Chris's presence.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris makes sure they're the first ones at training the next morning. Everyone else is on time. It's a regular day.

Chris thinks that regular days don't normally feel this good.

It doesn’t last.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The guard didn't bother knocking. Walking in, announcing their presence with loud footsteps.

'I need one of you to come with me.' They command, looking at Chris and Phil.

The two of them exchange eye contact.

'Let me go.' Chris says.

Phil opens his mouth to protest, but Chris is already walking off.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The meeting lasted three minutes. It brought Chris's world down. Destroyed it.

The paper they hand him has plenty of writing on, but he only reads the last words. 

**Fourteen days.**

He rips it up on his run back to Phil.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris doesn't know what to think. He can't think.

_Not them. Not them too._

He gets to the gym before he realizes, standing with his hand on the door. Phil can probably see his aura. He opens the door slowly, restraining himself. Finding Phil and only looking at Phil. He fights to keep his voice level.

'Phil. Meeting Room. Now.' He orders. Keeping his eyes on the floor. He hears Phil's footsteps. He hears some laughter.

He goes through the door. Phil follows him into the room.

Chris slams the door with his power. Turning to his friend.

Anger. All he can feel is anger.

'What's wrong?' Phil demands.

Chris flips a chair.

'They're sending them out.' Chris shouts. He flips another chair.

Phil's eyes widen. 'What?'

Chris bites his lip so hard it hurts. 'They're sending all of us to the front-line.'

Phil can't accept it. 'Who?'

Chris gets directly into his face. 'Me, you-' He spits the words. 'Emma, Troye, Zoe, Pj and your precious fucking Danny boy. Everyone in this damn building is going.' The room begins to shake. 'Louise. Jack. Dean. Mitchell. Joe. Caspar. Everyone Phil! They’re calling people back from defense!'

Phil's mouth hangs open. 'Why them? They won't be able to fight. Why not just us?' Phil states.

The room stops shaking, furniture displaced. Chris exhales.

'They don't want them to fight. They want them to die.' Chris's breathing hitches. 'The data we got, it was about the other nation’s plans. They're sending everyone they've got. They want the war to end. They're sending us all out to try and win it for our nation.' Chris states dryly. His aura wild.

'When?' Phil closes his eyes. Imagining telling their pupils. Their friends. 'How long do we have to get them ready?'

Chris puts a hand over his mouth. 'Two weeks.'

Phil nods. 'When do we tell them?'

'I don't know.' Chris admits. 'There's no way to sugar coat this. They're just going to be cannon fodder.'

'Expandable.' Phil agrees.

They make eye contact. Chris holds out his arms, Phil runs into them.

‘We can’t let them die.’ Phil declares. ‘We can’t.’

Chris pulls back from the hug.

‘We won’t.’


	3. Chapter 3

They're silent as Phil explains. Chris watches with hands clenched into fists, trying to control his anger. He should go fix the room he destroyed.

When Phil falls quiet. The silence suffocates Chris.

'We haven’t even learnt how to use a gun yet.' Troye breaks the quiet.

'I'll teach you.' Chris responds. 'I'll teach you as much as I can.' He tries to reassure them. A part of him is cursing himself for managing to get so attached to them, they were his given responsibility, and now it feels like more. They've grown on him. He wants them to think he isn't a monster, he wants them to make this.

He thinks this explains his upbringing. Did his teachers look at him and see a future corpse?

'This isn't fair.' Dan croaks. 'We're going to die.'

'I'm not going to let you die. Any of you. I'll go before you do. That's a promise.' Chris declares.

'I don't want to fight.' Emma tries to protest, knowing it's pointless.

'You have to.' Chris tries to smile for her. 'Hey, if it all goes to plan, the war will be over in a month.'

She looks at him with a flicker of hope in her eyes.

'Could we go home? After it.' She asks, more of a beg.

_You might. I won't._

'Sure.' Chris looks at Phil. 'They're doing a recall. Everyone that isn't on the front-line is coming back here. I'm going to call some favors, see if I can get a few more people in to train you.'

The students look among themselves. Chris allows himself a long look at Pj.

'We don't want anyone else.' Dan states.

'We want the two of you.' Zoe explains.

'And maybe Louise.' Troye adds.

Chris huffs out a laugh. 'Flattering. But we haven't got long, it's better for you. I'll still be here. So will Phil.' Chris chuckles. 'That rhymed.'

'Phil still will.' Phil repeats. 'And it's true. I'm with you all for as long as you need me.' He tells the group.

Chris smiles at him. 'Chill Phil.'

Phil rolls his eyes. 'Yis Chris.'

'That was poor.'

'It was all I could think up.'

'I know some things that rhyme with up.' Troye interrupts.

Chris laughs, it feels out of place in the somber toned room.

'Me too.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj finally stares at Chris, asking a million questions with a look.

_I'm never going to get to know him. We're never going to get to be together._

Chris has never felt so close to giving up.

_I don't even know his favorite color._

He distracts himself from his own pity with pointless words.

'You've all gotten a lot stronger over your training. It could be worse.' Chris tries to remind them.

Pj finally speaks up.

'Are they sending the other training group too? The teenagers?'

The others seem appalled at the idea of it. They are even more appalled when Chris nods.

'Everyone. Including them.'

There's an audible gasp. Pj nods, expecting it.

'How old is the youngest of them?' Pj inquires.

'Sixteen.' Chris responds. 'I was there when they were brought in.'

Dan seems scandalized. His words beg to be false.

'Sixteen?'

They all look at Chris with disgust in their eyes when he laughs. Phil could tell it was coming.

'Chris...They don't know.' Phil murmurs.

'I know they don't, that's why it was funny.' Chris responds. He turns back to the group. 'They've nearly finished their training anyway, only a few months away. You're the group that I'm worried about.'

'We're not allowed to be worried about a sixteen year old?' Dan's voice is cold. Chris glares at him, anger swelling up again.

'They are pretty much completely trained. You are not completely trained.'

'We can still be worried-'

'-They'd be on the front-line in a month anyway.'

Dan's eyes widen. The rest of the group watch the conversation, detached.

'They'd send a sixteen year old to the front-line.' Dan says with awe.

Chris snorts and smiles. 'They sent a twelve year old.'

'Chris...' Phil reprimands.

Chris looks at him. 'Bad memories Phil.' He smiles. 'Just bad memories.'

It sinks into the group, hitting them like a slap in the face.

Chris's damage is shown.

'Were you...' Zoe starts and doesn't finish.

Chris looks at the ground, he avoids eye contact, keeps it in.

'I might have been.' Chris sighs. He looks back and ignores the sympathy. The words he was going to say dissolve in his throat. He can only find two. 'You're dismissed.'

He turns straight away. Without a second glance, he walks out of the room.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris doesn't know why he ran away. It all crept up on him.

They're dead. The only reason he got out of the front-line was because of his power, it kept him safe. None of them have his ability, they're practically dead. He's dead. Everyone who lives in this tower is dead.

Everyone in the other nation, getting ready to fight and not knowing whether their enemy is coming for them, is dead too.

Everyone is going to die. They are.

Pj's going to die. Chris won't be able to stop it.

Chris feels that headache coming in. He's happy about it. He'd like to be unconscious for a few hours. There are tears on Chris's cheeks. The folders on his desk are strewn across the room. He hadn't meant to. He'd just looked at them for too long and they went. Almost like he's seven again.

When did he get so fucking attached? Some people made him laugh, now they're in danger and Chris is distraught. He doesn't get distraught. Is it because he wishes someone had been there for him?

No, it's because they don't deserve this. And neither does Phil. Or anyone else.

If he had one wish, it'd be that they could go home. That the people he begrudgingly accepted could be okay. That they could live. That Phil could live.

Chris would die for it and he doesn't know why.

Well he does know why.

But it's not even been two months. Two months is a stupid amount of time to get this attached to a group of people.

But Chris knows why.

He hears the door open. He doesn't look at who it is.

'Fucking hell, what happened?'

The voice surprises him.

Chris turns around to see Dan standing at the doorway of his room.

'I thought you'd be Phil.'

 _Or the other man that visits my bedroom._  

'I'm not Phil.' Dan deadpans. Chris laughs.

'What do you want?' Chris asks.

'To talk.' Chris considers it. He pats the ground next to him. Dan comes and takes a seat on the ground. 'I have some questions.'

'I lost control, that's why it's a mess.' Chris answers. Dan chuckles.

'And you're a mess too.' Dan adds. Chris snorts. 'Do you have my folder? Phil was talking the other day about how you have them.'

Chris frowns at him. 'I thought by questions it'd be _'How do I not die?'_ or _'Does Phil like me back?'_  . Not that.'

Dan blushes. 'I don't like Phil.'

'Of course you don't.' Chris exhales. 'I do have your folder.'

'Can I see it?'

'No.'

'Why?'

'Because you don't want to see it.'

'I do.'

'Why?'

Dan glares at Chris and Chris starts laughing.

'Does it...Does it-'

'-Does it what?'

Silence.

'Does it say who turned me in?'

Chris's eyes widen, his eyebrows lift up.

'You want to know who turned you in?'

'If I'm going to be dead in a month, I just want to know.'

'I'm not telling you that.' Chris informs him. 'It'd drive you mad.'

Dan sighs. That sadness that Chris recognized in him from the very beginning extremely present.

'I think it was my parents. I was scaring them. They hated me.' Tears start to come out of Dan's eyes. 'It felt so good.' A shaking breath. 'The fire felt so good. Now I'm going to die.' Chris puts an arm over his shoulders, he pulls him in. Dan lets himself be held. Chris comforts him. It feels good.

'I think mine was my school teacher.' Chris tells him. 'Another kid tried to hit me. I got scared. Threw him onto some rocks. She saw it. I don't remember anything else. I was just turned six years old.'

'You're four years older than me right?' Dan asks through tears.

'Yeah.'

'I was two when that happened.' Dan says.

Chris flinches.

'...Yeah.'

'And if you were twelve when you fought for the first time, I was eight.' Dan frowns as he says it, imagining it.

Chris laughs without noise. 'Would look like it.'

'That's weird.' Dan declares. Chris smiles.

'It is.'

Chris keeps his arm around Dan until Dan's tears dry and Chris's headache goes.

Chris doesn't know how much time passed. It felt like comfortable years.

'I should go.'

Chris nods.

Dan gets up. Chris stays on the ground.

'Goodnight Dan. Get some rest. We've got a big two weeks coming up.'

Dan laughs.

'Gallows humor.' Dan points out.

'That's just for when you know you're definitely going to die.' Chris retorts. Dan shoots him a look.

'I'm not an optimist Chris.' Dan shrugs.

Chris nods. 'Me neither. But if you're dying, so am I.'

'Why?' Dan asks.

Chris looks straight up at him.

'When Phil and I found it we were going to have to train you, we weren't happy. But we discussed it, talked it over. He said that maybe we could teach you guys how to live now, do some good.' Chris pauses. 'I said that you were never going to live again. Nobody lives here. We just survive so other people can live.' Chris huffs. 'I was wrong.'

Dan frowns at him. 'How were you-'

'You guys have lived so long, that no ones ever going to get you to stop living. You take risks and make friends in a few weeks. As a result, you're all easy to love...' Chris laughs. 'I think you’re worth dying for.’

Dan rolls his eyes. 'I feel like we should hug or something.'

Chris stands up. Throwing his hands around Dan's neck for a second, having to lean up to do it.

'There you go, you tall motherfucker.'

Dan chuckles. They break apart. Chris jumps onto his own bed.

Dan pauses before closing the door.

'Does he like me back?'

Chris smirks.

'Who?'

'Phil. Does Phil like me back?'

Chris laughs. 'Maybe. Find out for yourself.' Chris smiles. 'You have two weeks for sure.'

Dan nods at him. 'Thank you.'

'Don't worry about it.' Chris smiles.

'See you.’ Dan calls out. Opening the door. About to close it.

'Goodnight.'

The door closes.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris lays on his bed. He tidies his room whilst remaining motionless. Folders back in places. He tries to clear his mind of worry, create a list of things that need to be done, who he needs to talk to.

How he can help them best.

This is manageable. He can get them through this. He has to.

Another knock at his door. He knows who it probably is, but he keeps an open mind.

Pj walks in. He isn't surprised.

'Hey.' Pj smiles at him.

'You're a sight for sore eyes.'

Pj laughs. 'Really?'

'You're pretty attractive, with the added bonus of being you.'

Pj rolls his eyes. 'Thanks.'

Pj moves to the bed. He lays next to Chris. Chris puts his arm around him. Pj kicks his shoes off his feet and onto the ground.

Pj lays on his side, burying his face into Chris's shoulder. Inhaling his scent. Stopping the noise in his head.

'It's been a day.' Chris states.

Pj laughs. 'You could say that again.'

Chris pulls him in a bit closer, feeling his warmth, his breath movements. Pj's breaths are shuddering. He's shaking.

'What do you need?' Chris asks.

Pj chuckles. 'You've asked me that before.'

'I know. What do you need?'

'What I needed then.'

'To fix your hands?' Chris laughs. Pj glares at him.

'You. I need you.' Pj tells him. Chris smiles at him, running a hand through his hair.

'I'm here.' Chris reminds him. 'You're going to be fine.' Chris rubs his back.

'You shouldn't make promises you can't keep. My dad taught me that.' Pj retorts.

'You're going to be fine. You've got Phil and me keeping you safe. Plus probably Joe.' Chris nods to himself. 'Wherever Joe goes, Caspar goes too.'

Pj smirks. 'What does that mean?'

'I think you know what that means.' Chris whispers to him. 'They're more than friends, but you didn't hear that from me. It's not a secret, but they don't tell everyone. It's a _casual_ thing.'  Pj nods. Chris considers it further, returning to his normal voice. 'Oh, Tyler and Mitchell will help you guys. Luke probably.'

'That's more people protecting than people that need protection.'

'Louise too. Maybe Dean.'

'That's a lot of people.'

Chris swallows. 'We'll need a lot of people.'

Pj doesn't ask more questions. He's seen the human soldiers back from the war. Heard the stories. He'd even heard stories about abnormals from them. Told with a mix of awe and fear, like whispering of real life monsters.

'What do you need?' Pj asks, throwing Chris's question back at him.

Chris frowns and considers it.

'For the war to be over. For you to be safe. For all of you to be safe. To keep my promises.'

Pj smiles. 'Anything I can help with?'

'You could distract me.'

A few seconds of movements and Pj is on top of him. Their lips are reconnected.

Chris just wishes they never have to part again.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The headache comes back. Chris has to break off the kiss.

'I'm going to pass out in a bit.'

Pj laughs, shaking his head.

'Come on, lets pass out together.' Pj responds.

Chris smiles.

Pj takes his shirt off, his socks too. Chris leaves his own. Chris climbs into the bed, holding his arm out so that Pj can lay over it. He does, tucking himself in. Chris rests his other arm over Pj's body.

'Are we spooning?' Pj asks, amusement in his voice. Chris begins to retract his arm, Pj reaches out and pulls it back.

Chris chuckles. 'Are you complaining?'

'Never.'

A few moments of comfortable silence. 

'Is it alright if I block us in? I don't want Phil to walk in.'

'Sure.' Chris extends his arm. His dresser moves in front of the door. His arm falls back around Pj.

'I think I prefer sleeping in clothes to being naked.'

'I enjoy the naked time we spend together.' Pj jokes. Chris snorts.

'I know you do.' Chris says.

Pj turns his head so he can look at Chris. Chris has his eyes closed.

'You say that like you don't enjoy it.' Pj points out.

'Believe me, it's mutual enjoyment.' Chris retorts. Pj smiles. He turns his head back to resting on the pillow. Pj reaches out, taking the hand resting over his body, he brings it to his lips and kisses it. He holds it after.

'Are you scared?' Chris finally asks. The headache practically burns.

'Yeah. You?'

Chris can't help but be honest.

'Terrified.' Chris whispers.

He blacks out. Pj sees it happen. His whole body relaxes. Becoming heavier.

Pj turns back. Chris’s face is void of emotion. Peaceful, it’s still a strange look on him. Pj turns back around.

‘Night Chris.’ Pj whispers, not expecting a response.

Pj is left to think about Chris's words.

Was he really twelve? What was Pj doing when he was twelve? He can't even remember, school work?

Chris had been forced to kill people.

Pj feels sick thinking about it. He wishes there was a way he could make it better. Apologize for it.

He wishes there was a way for Chris to get out. He wishes that he could have Phil's power for a few minutes and see the whole of his mind. He wish he could say that he knew Chris completely.

If they've only got two weeks left to live, then he never will.

He's not too upset, at least Chris let him in. He knows Chris better than any of the others; better than Dan, Troye, Emma and Zoe. Not Phil, but Phil had a twenty year head start.

Plus, Phil doesn't know the side of Chris that Pj has seen, the lover.

Pj smiles at the feeling of arms around him. He finds it impossible to panic in Chris's embrace, not able to overthink his imminent death.

He guesses if he has to die, there's nobody he'd rather do it with than Chris.

His family are safe. If the war ends, they're even safer. His friends are safe, his old ones anyway.

None of them would be at risk from soldiers with guns, from men in suits making life threatening decisions. Would they be safe from the damages the lies cause?

His new friends are in the same boat as him.

He holds Chris's hand even tighter. 

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj is woken up by knocking on the door again.

'Chris? Have you fricking blocked the door?'

Chris wakes up this time.

His voice is thick from sleep.

'I might have.' He shouts in response.

Pj can hear Phil laugh. 'You need to unblock the door. We have to go get the guns ready.'

Chris looks at Pj who stares back at him.

'Gimme a minute to get ready.' Chris is wearing clothes already. He climbs out of bed, pulling his shoes on.

'Let me in then.' Phil says. Chris grins.

'No.' He hears Phil chuckle.

He gets up, quickly moving to check his appearance. Shrugging taking it as acceptable.

He runs back over to Pj. Kissing him once. Pj kisses back. They break apart.

With a flick of his hand, his furniture moves back to the right place. Phil tries to open the door. Chris grabs it, steps through and shuts it, not allowing Phil to look in.

Phil raises his eyebrows at him.

Chris grins at him. 'Let’s go.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj puts his clothes back on. Deciding to revisit his own room for a shower. The hallways are still quiet.

He walks into the trainees collection of rooms. He's about to open his door.

'Where have you been?' Emma makes him jump.

Pj's mouth falls open, his eyes wide. She glares at him.

'Out.' He finally responds.

She rolls her eyes. 'I looked for you last night too. You didn't come back. Where were you?'

'Places.' Pj answers, unsure as to what to say.

Her scowl melts into a reluctant smile.

'I'm watching you.' She tells him.

Pj laughs. 'You make it sound like you're going to sit in a tree and look through my window.' He adds. 'A peeping Emma.'

Emma chuckles. 'Was it good sex you had?' She teases.

Pj rolls his eyes, able to tell the truth. 'I didn't have sex last night.'

Emma's eyes widen and Pj realizes his mistake.

'Last night?'

Pj tries to play it cool. 'I haven't had sex since we got here. Obviously.'

She smirks. 'Right. Was it good?'

Pj sighs. 'Was what good?'

'The sex you had.'

'When?'

'Not last night.'

Pj stares at her. Emma stares back expectantly.

'I feel like we're playing an intricate game and I want out.' Pj states.

'Answer my question and I'll let you go.' Emma retorts.

Pj sighs again. 'The last sex I had was pretty amazing.'

She grins at him once more. 'Did you use protection?'

'Yes.' Pj lies, not giving any hints away. 'It was before I got taken.'

'Right...' Emma repeats.

Pj laughs. 'It was.'

'Stay safe Pj. Don't scare me again.' Emma returns to her room.

Pj sighs, smiling regardless, he goes to shower.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj walks to training with Troye, not talking much but laughing when they do.

Troye opens the door, Pj walking in after him.

Phil is sitting by himself, looking up at the ropes and metal beams that pattern the ceiling.

There's a small man with glasses walking along one beam.

'This is so unfair.' A voice calls out. Pj recognizes it.

'You started it.' The man calls back. Pj can see his glasses.

'You can fly.' The hidden voice shouts.

'You can break your fall.'

'Fucking hell Tyler'

'I know Chris.' Tyler responds. A laugh in his voice.

Pj sees Chris cartwheel over one beam. He jumps to a different beam afterwards. 

'Impressive!' Phil calls up.

Chris gives Phil the middle finger as he grabs a rope, swinging over a gap, nearly catching up with Tyler.

'I can't believe you're actually doing this.' Tyler says. Chuckling.

'I'm only doing it until they all get here. There's no time to be fucking about anymore.' Chris points out. Skipping over a few more poles.

He cartwheels along another one.

'Show off.' Phil complains.

Chris shoots him the middle finger again.

'You just don't like hearing the truth.' Phil smiles whilst he shouts. 

Pj can see Chris turn to look at Phil.

'Why don't you get up here and strut your stuff then?' Chris challenges before turning around to continue climbing along the beams.

Phil smirks. 'I wouldn't be as good as you.'

Pj can hear Tyler gasp.

'The sexual tension. I forgot about it.'

Chris and Phil groan.

'We're not sexually tense!' Phil retorts.

'I'm really not sexually tense.' Chris adds.

Tyler turns to Chris. 'Something you wanna share with the group there buddy?'

Chris squints and shakes his head. Jumping from one pole to another. Nearly loosing grip but swinging himself back.

'Nah. You got any sexy times going for you?' Chris asks while he moves. Nearly reaching Tyler again.

Tyler snorts. 'No.'

'No bum sex?' Chris teases.

Tyler puts a hand over his heart. 'Sadly, none.'

'Do you want me to fix that?' Chris jokes.

Tyler laughs. 'I've been a bad _bad_ boy...'

'Not this again.' Phil sighs.

Chris puts his hand on Tyler's shoulder.

Tyler grins at him as he lowers them both to the ground.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj takes up loading a gun quickly. The others take longer. Chris smiles that smile at him again. He feels fuzzy and a little turned on.

Chris has to teach Pj how to aim and shoot individually. Touches lingering without meaning. He's more gentle than he realizes. A soft smile forming whilst he compliments him, getting him to try again.

Tyler looks on with a knowing look. He knew something was different when he slapped Chris’s butt in greeting and Chris had seemed conflicted about it, instead of just doing it back.

Tyler tries to make eye contact with Phil. He finds Phil smiling at his own brown eyed male.

_You can't leave them alone for two minutes._

The other pupils are all being individually supervised. Zoe laughs at her brother while Louise helps her get the gun loaded. Joe's watching over Emma at the same time.

There's one boy with blue eyes who's struggling to get the ammo in. Tyler slowly approaches him, leaning over and guiding his fingers.

Troye grins at him and Tyler grins back.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

In the end, the students can load their gun, check it works, and hit a stationary target.

'We'll work more on this tomorrow.' Chris spins around to converse with Phil. 'Defense? Abilities?' Chris asks. Phil considers it.

'We've got two weeks left so I guess we'll prioritize.'

Chris rolls his eyes. 'Doesn't answer the question Buddy.'

Phil nods. 'The ones with abilities that'll help do that. The ones that don't, either weapon train or defense.'

Chris turns back to the pupils, thinking through their abilities and putting them into boxes.

'So Dan's definitely ability training, you can work with me.' Chris looks at the others. 'Emma and Troye, defense.'

'Zoe, you can pick.' Chris says.

She looks up to the left. 'Abilities.' Her eyes flick back to Chris's face. 'I think.' He nods at her.

He finally turns to Pj. 'I think probably defense for you too.'

Pj doesn't mean to smile at him, but when he does. Chris smiles back.

'Okay.'

Chris forces himself to look away. He claps his hands together.

'Alright, lets get started.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The day's up. Chris can see the exhaustion in everyone's faces. He thinks he's probably going to need to rest tonight. He's happy to do that.

He looks over at Pj, who's being taught self defense by Phil. He looks at his body, it's fluid movements.

Maybe I'll get rest later.

Tyler laughs as he walks past Chris.

'That thing you're doing right now is really obvious.' Tyler teases.

Chris rolls his eyes.

He dismisses his pupils.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

They quickly file out. Chris isn't sure if he's happy with the progress made or not. It's about what he expected.

'Chris, I'm going to go shower. Come find me in about an hour?' Phil asks. Chris is looking at Pj who's very purposefully remaining in the room.

Chris turns to Phil. 'Sure.'

Tyler's walking out the door. 'Come find me too!'

Louise shouts that she wants in from the distance. Chris has to laugh.

'I'm pretty sure Luke's back. We'll see if we can convince him to join us.' Chris adds.

Tyler's out the door but within hearing distance. 'I'll get Franta!'

Chris laughs again. 'I'll clean up. Go.' Chris says to Phil. Phil smiles before making his way out of the room. Leaving just Pj and Chris. Chris walks to him.

Pj raises an eyebrow at him, his fingers fiddle with his leather bracelet. Chris chuckles.

'We're eccentric.' Chris says.

'If I've learnt one thing, it's that.'

'I think it's a production of our circumstances.'

'You wouldn't be wrong.' Pj smiles. He looks up at the ceiling. 'Are there cameras in here?'

Chris shakes his head.'No, never has been.'

'Before you feel asleep last night-'

'-That's never a good beginning to a sentence-'

'-You said you were scared.' Pj finishes. He looks at Chris expectantly.

Chris sighs. 'I am. I'm scared for you.'

Pj glares at him. 'Just me?'

Chris rolls his eyes, smiling. 'Collective you.'

'Why?'

'Isn't it obvious?'

'Tell me anyway.'

Chris sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose.

'None of you guys have any idea what you're facing. I'm scared I won't be able to get you through it.'

Pj nods, expecting the answer.

'Can I help?'

Chris chuckles. 'You can live.'

'Then the war will be over.' Pj dreams, he speaks with awe.

Chris smiles at his wandering mind.

'You can go home.' Chris adds.

Pj's eyes focus back onto Chris.

'I can help you find yours.' Pj responds.

Chris huffs. 'I could get to know you like the back of my hand.'

'You probably already do. You're the more complex one.' Pj retorts.

'Fine, then you can get to know me better.' Chris grins.

'Sounds like a plan.' Pj declares.

'All we've got to do is survive a war.' Chris jokes.

Pj laughs. 'Hey, you can move things with your brain and I can heal. We should be fine.'

Chris joins him in laughter. 'We've got a squad. We'll only be there a day, win, and come back.'

'Tyler will be hitting on you the whole time.' Pj's insincere tone takes a more serious tone. Chris raises his eyebrows.

'You think I'm into Tyler?' Chris asks.

Pj blushes. 'What? No.'

'I'm not into Tyler. I'm into you.' Chris keeps eye contact with him, he takes his hand into his own. 'Got it?'

'Just me?' Pj questions. Eyes wide, smile restrained.

'Just you.' Chris blocks the door with his mind. His pulls their bodies together, kissing him gently on the mouth. Pj hums at it.

They break apart, resting their foreheads together.

They're wordless. Staring at each other, taking them in and feeling at home there.

'Have I ever mentioned how amazing your eyes are? Like fuck, that's not fair.' Chris whispers.

Pj smiles. Chris can feel his breath on his face. It's not unpleasant.

'How do I respond to that?'

Chris laughs. 'Fucking rude.'

Pj rolls his eyes. 'Oh please, we've had sex how many times now? It's not like I find you unattractive. I'm just not the best at flirting.'

'It wasn't flirting, it was the truth.'

Pj chuckles. 'Shut up.'

Chris grins. 'Never.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The journey to Chris's room had required a lot of subtlety and distance. Chris thinks they pulled it off.

He pushes Pj back onto the bed, intent on kissing that neck if it's the last thing he does.

Pj moans beneath him, squirming slightly.

'Don't you have to go out in less than an hour?'Pj asks.

Chris kisses his mouth to shut him up. He points to his dresser, flicking his hand in the direction of the door, the dresser moves to block the door.

Pj breaks away.

'Won't they look for you?' Pj questions.

'They can wait. I want to spend time with you.' Chris says.

Pj laughs. 'They're your friends. You might only have two weeks left to live. You should spend some of the time with them.'

Chris smiles at him. 'If I've only got two weeks left to live, I definitely want to fuck you.' Chris stands up. 'Unless you don't...'

'I definitely want to.' Pj rolls his eyes. Pj leans up. Kneeling on the edge of the bed. He looks up at Chris. 'I also want you to see your friends though.'

'I could fuck you and leave.'

Chris jokes.

Chris runs a hand through Pj's hair.It comes to rest on his cheek. Pj smiles.

'We could just get off in the shower and save time.' Pj suggests.

Chris hums. 'Convince me.' Chris challenges.

Pj smirks at him with a glint of mischief in his eyes and Chris is already his.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Phil knocks the door six times.

Chris and Pj don't hear it over the sound of the shower, among other things.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj and Chris put their clothes on between kisses. Both of them feeling a strange sort of bliss. The worry that constantly sits in Pj's bones temporarily away. Chris no longer carrying his weariness.

Phil knocks again.

'Chris, we're going to the roof. Are you coming or are you still ignoring me?'

Chris laughs, shooting a look at Pj.

'I'll meet you there. I was in the shower.' Chris explains. Pj kisses him afterwards. Chris doesn't hesitate to kiss back.

'I can wait for you if you want...'

Chris leaves him hanging. Tangling himself up with Pj again. Lips fighting lips, demanding the others presence.

'Chris?...'

Chris tears himself away.

'Go Phil. I'll be up later!' Chris shouts.

He reconnects their lips. Pj moans beneath him.

Phil frowns before walking off to meet Tyler.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'See you tomorrow.'

Chris brushes their lips together once more.

'See you tomorrow' Pj repeats. They go their separate ways.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris walks onto the roof half an hour later.

'There ya fucking are. Drink with me!' Tyler shouts from a short distance away. Tyler throws a bottle at Chris whilst Chris runs over to him. Chris breaks the seal, the bottles having come from the city. He takes a swig. Moving to them with a skip in his step. They're sitting on the dry ground in a large circle, most of them having brought a blanket to sit on. Chris sits between Tyler and Phil, stealing some of both of their seats. Louise sits opposite him.

'What were you doing?' Phil asks.

Chris can't resist. He smirks at him, leaning in to speak. 'My secret lover.'

Phil snorts. 'What were you really doing?'

Louise watches the interaction, laughing hysterically at Phil. Chris shoots her a look, biting back his own laugh.

'Just having a shower.' Chris says, shrugging off the lie. Phil takes it.

Phil smiles. It's bright and contagious. 'Your aura's really bright again.'

Chris chuckles. He forgets that Phil sees the world differently to him sometimes.

'I've been having a good time recently.' Chris explains. He looks at Louise out of the corner of his eye, she's grinning. Chris turns to all the people around him, most have a bottle in hand, identical to his. 'Plus, we've got you guys to help us out now.'

Tyler nods, sipping again. 'They're a great group of people. I hope we can help.'

They all let the weight of the oncoming weeks hang on their shoulders for a moment. Phil watches as all of their auras become darker. Worry setting in.

'They're a great group of people. They deserve to live. We're going to try and make sure that happens.' Phil reaffirms. There's a change in all of the auras. Chris is most dominant.

Phil could laugh at how much Chris has ended up caring about them all, especially seeing as this job was forced onto him. He's the most determined to keep them safe, not that Phil isn't determined.

'They're all getting out of this, if it's the last thing I do.' Chris adds.

Tyler grimaces. 'We could talk about this, and what's going to happen after, all night if we wanted to. Can we not do that? Can we ignore it for a while?'

'Have some fun?' Louise adds.

Chris nods, considering it. 'We could prank Luke and Connor when they get here.'

They all make dangerous eye contact before jumping into action.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj is surprised that he manages to reach his room without running into anybody.

He's less surprised that he's only in his room for a minute before someone knocks his door.

'Pj! Are you in?' Dan shouts out.

Pj rolls his eyes before answering.

'Yeah.'

Dan comes into the room without an invitation. Pj rolls his eyes again.

'Everyone wants to hang out.' Dan explains.

Pj looks at him expectantly. 'Aren't we just going to play cards?'

Dan shrugs. 'We're going to go up to the roof. Joe said we should be allowed to. It doesn't feel right to just...you know.'

'Sit around?' Pj suggests.

Dan nods. Pj chuckles. 'Let’s go Dan.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Connor comes onto the roof first.

He looks right to left. A few unattended blankets spike his curiosity. His senses pick up.

He's about to take a step out when something drops on him. Wrapped around his neck.

Connor goes into mission mode, about to destroy the thing.

He realizes the thing is laughing.

He falls out of mission mode.

The thing is Tyler.

Connor laughs too.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

He's not sure when they started piggy back racing. He's pretty sure it started with Connor saying he was as strong as Phil.

Now Chris is on Phil's back and Tyler is on Connor's. Chris can't stop laughing.

'Phil and Chris won.' Louise shouts. Connor and Tyler groan. Phil drops Chris onto the floor. Chris slaps the back of his legs from his new position on the ground.

'You brute.' Chris complains.

'I'm not a brute.' Phil retorts.

'My butt would say otherwise.'

Tyler snorts. Phil rolls his eyes.

'WE'RE NOT HAVING SEX TYLER!' Phil shouts.

'Uh guys?' Chris turns to see Joe standing at the top of the stairs. Phil goes red and Chris begins to cry laughing. 'Can we come up here too?'

The group nod. Chris doesn't, rolling on the ground with hilarity. Phil glares at him and it makes the whole thing even funnier for him.

The others begin to file onto the roof. Pj is one of the first.

Pj looks at Chris and smiles.

'Are you okay?' Pj questions. Chris carries on giggling. His cheeks red.

'I've been drinking.' Chris confirms, chuckling to himself. 'More than I should have.'

Phil rolls his eyes. 'I think I'm going to cut you off.' Phil comments.

Chris glares back at him. He holds out his hand. The bottle flies into it. He chugs. Afterwards, he wipes his mouth.

'Fight me Philip.'

Phil puts both of his hands onto his face and just breathes.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

They end up in a large circle. Chris had allowed his pupils to drink, on the sole claim that he's not a hypocrite. There's several little bubbles of conversation.

Chris, Tyler, Phil, Pj, Troye and Dan sit together. Louise and Caspar are nearby. The others sit in one large group.

Chris is drunk.

Tyler clears his throat.

'So I don't know you guys-' He gestures to Pj, Troye and Dan '-Why don't y'all tell me a bit about yourselves?'

'I could tell you about me.' Chris interjects.

'I already know about you, you fuck.' Tyler retorts.

'I thought it was a we fuck.'

Tyler rolls his eyes. 'Get your game together Kendall.'

'Who's Kendall?' Troye frowns.

Chris and Tyler make eye contact and laugh.

Phil explains. 'It's Chris's last name.'

Chris nods slowly at Troye. 'It's my last name.'

Pj smiles. 'Chris Kendall, that's very antique superhero.'

Chris nods slowly at Pj. He turns to Phil. 'The pretty one said that's very antique superhero.'

Pj's eyes widen. Phil shrugs at Pj. Mouthing the word 'Sorry.' Dan and Tyler start laughing. Troye looking on with a smile.

Pj grimaces at Chris. 'I was about to go tell you to sleep this off but you don't sleep like the rest of us.'

Chris grins, taking another swig. 'If I drink enough, it’ll temporarily fuck with my brain and I can sleep.' Chris laughs. 'I used to do that a lot.' He takes another swig, he abruptly stops halfway through, coughing a little. Phil chuckles.

'Don't choke Chris.' Phil intructs.

Chris dramatically turns to Pj.

'Would you actually get hungover?' Chris asks. 'With your perfect immune system...' Chris shrugs his entire body. 'And perfect everything lets be honest, look at your face.'

Pj blushes. Hoping that everyone takes this as a joke, or at least doesn't guess the truth.

'We get it Chris, you think he's pretty.' Tyler talks to Chris. 'Since when did you get so bad at holding your drink?'

'I've not eaten much today.' Chris responds.

Phil glares at him. 'Chris...' He starts.

'I'm fine Phil. Don't be like that.' Chris rolls his eyes.

'You have to take care of yourself.'

'I take care of myself.' Chris smirks. 'I'm a fine specimen. Do you agree Louise?' Louise is deep in conversation with Caspar. She doesn't hear him. 'Louise!' Chris leans to shout, falling onto his back. He swears loudly.

'What?' Louise asks.

Chris groans. Tyler interjects.

'Would you fuck Chris?' Tyler asks.

'No. Thank you.' She returns to her conversation with a laugh.

Chris pushes himself back into sitting with his ability.

'Well, it looks like it's just me and you now Tyler.'

Tyler nods. 'I'll bring the bottle of gin.'

Chris nods. 'I'll bring Pj.'

The group collectively snort.

'This is objectification.' Pj splutters.

'Don't pretend like you're not into that.' Chris retorts.

Pj smirks at him, taking a sip from his own drink. 'Don't drag me down with you. I'm not one for your dirty little fetish.'

Chris smirks back. 'You are my dirty little fetish.'

Tyler's eyes widen. He makes eye contact with Dan. Phil is somehow oblivious.

Pj chuckles. 'You're going to regret this in the morning.'

'I regret most of my life in the morning.' Chris jokes.

'Same.' Tyler adds.

Phil mumbles his assent while taking a drink.

'The first time I got drunk, I decided to go swimming in the winter.' Troye says.

'What happened?' Dan asks. Troye looks at him with wide eyes.

'I don't know.' Troye responds. Dan laughs.

Tyler intakes breath, a mad grin on his face. He reaches out and puts a hand on Troye's arm.

'Do you miss swimming?'

Troye nods. 'It's one of the things I miss most.' He admits. 'After the obvious.'

Tyler nods furiously at him. Keeping his hand on him. He turns to look at the bigger group.

'Con! Connor!' Tyler shouts. Connor turns around. 'Can you take Troye with you to the pool tomorrow?' Tyler shouts. 'He's a water user. He misses it. Pleeease.' Tyler begs.

Connor looks at Troye. Analyzing him. He finishes with a smile.

'Of course.' Connor shouts. Connor raises his drink at them.

Connor waits until Troye smiles back to turn back to his group.

Tyler lets go of Troye, returning to his seat.

Chris snorts. 'Well that was fun.'

'Says the one getting sloppily drunk and hitting on their pupil.' Tyler retaliates.

'This is an art.' Chris points to himself.

'An art of failure?' Phil questions.

Chris stares at him. His mouth opening and closing.

'An art in dealing.' Chris finally says.

'In dealing?' Troye asks.

'In dealing.' Chris confirms.

'In dealing with what?' Pj asks. Chris looks at him, staring into his eyes.

Chris shrugs. 'It's complicated.'

'I know.' Pj confirms. He offers Chris a smile.

'Is it okay that it's complicated?' Chris asks.

Pj smiles. 'It's the most complicated things that are worth becoming simple.'

'Will it ever be simple?' Chris inquires.

Pj and Chris lock eyes.

'It can be. We've all got until the end of our lives to make it simple.'

The group flinch, knowing what the next question will relate to.

'What if that's less than two weeks away?'

'Then that won't be your fault Chris.' Pj declares. 'If I die, it's on me. It's not your fault that I'm here.'

Chris looks at the bottle in his hands.

'It's my job to keep you alive. That didn't mean anything to me when I first found out we were training you guys, now it means everything.'

'Why?' Dan asks.

Chris watches Pj while he answers.

'Things changed. I changed. That's worth everything. ' Chris allows himself a small smile. 'It's good. I wanted change.'

Phil smiles with him.

'Life here's been pretty samey.' Phil says..

'I have somethings to care about now.' Chris adds.

'Rude.' Tyler snarks.

'I always cared about your fine ass Tyler.' Chris notes.

'Oi.'

'And Phil.' Chris adds.

Dan snorts. 'Does Phil not have a fine ass?'

Chris smirks at him. 'We all know you think he does.'

Dan blushes.

'I do not.'

Chris snorts. 'Of course you don't.' Chris frowns. 'Didn't we have this talk once?' He addresses Dan.

Dan nods, desperate to change the subject. 'We did. It was just the two of us and you were less intoxicated.'

'Oh yeah.' Chris says. He starts laughing to himself. 'I need to stop drinking.'

A chorus of responses.

'You think?'

'It might be best.'

'Stop drinking Chris.'

'Carry on, it's funny.'

Chris rolls his eyes as he hands his half drunk bottle to Phil. Phil adds the contents to his own. Chris having already drunk about three times as much as him.

'Now you have to get pissed too.' Chris tells Phil.

Phil shakes his head. 'No. I don't want to lose control.'

'All you'd do is get into some people's minds-'

'-Chris-'

'-And I've been doing some fun stuff recently.'

Phil raises his eyebrows.

'Such as?'

'Caspar.'

'Chris, can you decide who you're going to hit on please?' Tyler asks.

Chris scoffs. 'It's a part of my bisexual nature.'

'That you have to hit on everyone?' Tyler questions again.

Chris points at him. 'That I'm not limited by boundaries.' Chris puts his entire hand on Phil's face, smiling at him. 'He's bi too. He doesn't hit on everyone.'

Phil removes the hand. 'That you know of.'

Chris gasps . 'Tell me the gossip.'

Phil takes a drink. 'No.'

'Please?'

'No.'

Chris leans onto Phil.

'Please?'

'No.' Phil grins.

Chris wraps his arms around Phil, digging his face into Phil's shoulder.

'Please?' He mumbles.

Phil uses his spare hand to pat Chris on the head.

'No.' He whispers.

Chris pushes himself away from Phil with a sigh.

'I'm just gunna have to fuck Caspar to get the gossip.'

Caspar laughs in the distance.

'Sorry. You're just not man enough for me Chris.' Caspar interjects.

Chris groans, returning to burying his face in Phil's shoulder.

'Yet Joe is man enough for you.' Tyler mutters.

'What was that?' Joe asks.

'Nothing! Nothing at all!' Tyler shouts.

Joe frowns before turning back around to talk to Zoe and Louise.

Chris starts giggling. Phil chuckles at him, rubbing his back with his spare hand.

'If you throw up on me, I'm disowning you.' Phil whispers. The group around them chuckle.

'You wouldn't.' Chris complains.

'No. I wouldn't.' Phil pats him. 'Please don't.'

'I love you Phil.'

'I love you too Chris. Even if Tyler is going to scream at that.'

'Platonic.' Chris mumbles.

'We're the definition of platonic.'

Chris hiccups. He grimaces afterwards. 'I didn't know people actually did that.'

'They probably don't.' Dan responds.

Chris glares at him. 'Stop it Howell.'

Dan frowns. 'How did you know my last name?'

'I read your folder on the first day. We have the same middle name.'

'It's the most common male middle name.' Dan shrugs.

'James?' Chris asks.

'Yeah.'

'Huh.'

'Phil said you didn't read our folders.'

Chris finally comes away from Phil, sitting up by himself.

'No. I read the beginning of yours and then stopped. You were just the first one I picked up.'

'Why did you stop?' Troye inquires.

Chris smiles, it doesn’t spread to his eyes. He tries to keep his posture straight.

'I didn't want to know what they wanted to do with you.' Chris laughs to himself. 'I didn't want to know everything about you. I didn't want you to be words on a page. I wanted to treat you like people.'

Chris chokes on his own words. Tyler leans over. Taking his hand.

'I wish I'd been trained by someone like you.' Tyler comments.

'Me too.' Phil adds. 'I wish you had been trained by you too.'

Chris frowns. 'Do you reckon they filled that box in when I got here?'

Tyler and Phil exchange a look. Chris watches the ground. Tyler lets go of his hand.

Tyler coughs. 'Which box?'

'The future prospects one.' Chris catches Tyler's gaze in his own. 'Do you think they always wanted me to be a murderer?'

Phil and Tyler flinch simultaneously. Troye and Dan both look on with wide eyes.

'It wouldn't surprise me.' Pj answers. 'It wouldn't be the most horrible thing they've done to you.'

Chris smirks at him. 'What's the most horrible thing I've done to you?'

Pj smiles. 'Woken me up?'

'I meant in the bedroom.'

'You hitting on me again now?'

'You're always going to be the starting and ending place of my affections.' Chris smiles.

Pj rolls his eyes. 'I think I probably don't get hangovers by the way.'

Chris raises an eyebrow at him. 'How so?'

'My body has healed me from weirder things than a hangover before.' Pj points out. Chris loudly snorts. The group look on with confused expressions.

'Very true Pj'

'What are you talking about?' Troye demands. Chris and Pj start laughing hysterically.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj found the line between drunk Chris and sober Chris hilarious.

Chris sobered up slightly towards the end of the night. Phil forced him to drink some water. He still did relentless hit on everyone. Mostly on Pj, giving him a sense of satisfaction.

Chris claimed that they all had to go to bed at one. Giving them a reasonable nights sleep.

Pj just like everyone else, had obeyed. Luke and Connor also went to bed, having joined their training efforts.

They'd all gone to their own rooms, wishing each other a goodnight beforehand.

Pj can't sleep. He tosses and turns. Trying anything to get comfortable.

The voices of the people he loves whisper in his ears. Little syllables, never enough to get a sense of their presence, just enough to feel the ache of their absence.

He hasn't heard them for a few days. They kick into his feelings. Bringing that worry out.

It's too quiet.

There's only ever one solution to that.

Pj leaves his room without a second glance.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj walks quickly and quietly. Stopping himself from running, constantly feeling like he's being watched.

He knocks the door of Chris's room twice. Hearing no response.

He deliberates going back to his room. Just not getting any sleep that night.

If Chris really does like about me, he won't mind me opening his door.

Pj puts his hand on the door handle.

 _He's fucked you for fuck sake. Open the door._  

Pj pushes down and out. Finding nothing blocking his path.

Chris is laying in the bed.

Pj steps in and closes the door after him.

He takes steps to the bed.

'You're not dead are you?'

Pj reaches the bed. Chris is laying on his side.

Pj kneels down so he's eye level with Chris's face. He puts two fingers in front of his slightly open mouth.

He can feel breath.

'Good. You're not dead.'

Pj stands back up. He scratches the back of his head.

'I can't sleep again. It'd be weird if I just slept next to you wouldn't it?' Pj asks Chris. Chris doesn't respond.

_Fuck it._

'You fucked me a couple times so I'm sleeping next to you.' Pj states. 'I need sleep.'

Pj looks at the dresser that Chris puts in front of the door. Pj quickly moves to it. He uses his new found strength, and farming experience, to pick it up and place it in front of the door. He tries to pull the door open and it fails.

'I'm surprised that worked.' Pj remarks. He looks back at Chris.

Pj walks back to the bed. He pulls his shirt off as he walks. He goes to the opposite side of the double bed. Pulling back the covers, sitting and removing his shoes. He lays down and puts the sheets back over himself.

He puts his arms around Chris. His body protecting Chris's.

'I'm not here just because you fucked me you know. I do care about you.'

Pj closes his eyes, breathing out.

'I care about you a lot. It's probably going to get me in trouble.' Pj laughs. 'I don't mind being in trouble for you.'

Pj feels his body relax.

'Goodnight Chris.'

'Night Pj.'

Silence.

'You're a little shit you know that?'

'Yup.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris crashes into sleep after a short while. The alcohol in his system making the transition possible.

Pj holds him close. Laying on his side, curling their bodies into each other. Pj can feel the warmth of Chris’s body, hotter than it should be.

Pj falls asleep listening to Chris's breathing.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj wakes up without a headache.

'I'm perfectly abnormal.'

Pj laughs at himself. The movement of his chest wakes up Chris.

Chris groans, pulling Pj's arms tighter around him.

'Don't fucking move.' Chris orders.

'Wouldn't dream of it.' Pj chuckles.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

A few minutes later, Chris groans again.

'Did I hit on you in front of everyone?'

'Yeah.' Chris groans once more. 'They thought it was funny. You might get teased but no one's going to think we're doing...this.'

Chris turns over until he's facing Pj.

'What is...this?' Chris asks. Chris smirks. 'Cuz you apparently do care about me.'

Pj rolls his eyes, smiling. 'You were asleep.'

'I wasn't really.'

'I know.' Pj smiles. There's a moment of silence. 'I really like you.'

'Yeah?'

'I've never liked someone this much this quickly. You make things better. I see new bits of you every day and I've not met anything I don't like. I know you've done bad things, I know you're not...'

'Morally upstanding?'

They laugh.

'That. I just find myself...not caring. Because I think I've seen parts of you that no one else has, you definitely have for me. I want to get to know you better. I want to make you smile and help you. I want to be whatever this is.' Pj confesses. 

Chris's eyes are wide, he nods.

'It's even weirder for me. It's mad. This is completely new territory for me.' Chris sighs. 'I don't want to let myself run from this, from you. Because you're different. What I feel is different. I've never, ever, let myself care so much about a person I've not known for years. It shocks me how much I care about you, and the others to an extent.' Chris rubs at his eyes. 'I want to make things okay for all of you. I want to get you through this. I want us to be an us.' Chris restrains tears. 'I just want to be fucking free for once.'

Pj's eyes move all over Chris's pain struck face. He searches for a way to make it better.

'Another side of you.' Pj comments.

Chris smiles at him with sad eyes. Pj kisses him, ignoring morning breath. Chris kisses back. They break apart after a second.

'I'm sorry.' Chris says.

'It's okay.' Pj frowns. 'It's alright to feel things Chris.'

Chris intakes breath at the cruel reminder at their differences. 'It's not okay to show that much.' Chris huffs. 'You've already seen more of me than I'd like to admit.'

'I think you've seen quite a bit of me too.' Pj points out. Chris snorts.

'You weren't exactly shy about it.'

'I know.'

Chris looks at him once more. Sleep molded hair. Eyes tired. Relaxed yet tense. Chris knows the term that people use for what Chris wants, but he's never used it before. It's only ever been a dirty word. One that Chris would get whispered in rumors. Scandal and stupidity associated with it, aswell as broken hearts.

'Pj...'

'Yes?'

'Can you be my boyfriend?'

Pj laughs, frowning at him. 'We're going to war in two weeks.'

Chris smirks. 'I'd rather have you and lose you for whatever reason, than lose you without ever having tried. I've learnt that.'

'You don't seem the boyfriend type.'

Chris bears his soul to him. 'For you, I could be.'

Pj nods with a smile. 'Yes. I'll be your boyfriend. Will you be mine?'

Chris shrugs. 'It seems only fair.'

They kiss again.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'How does celebratory 'You're my boyfriend' sex sound?'

'Lets brush our teeth first.'

'It's how I always build up the mood.' Chris snarks, Pj giggles.

They start the walk to the bathroom. Chris feels amazing.

'I thought I always got you into the mood.' Pj states. Searching for a toothbrush. Chris frowns.

'You are pretty much sex on legs. You kind of do.'

Pj turns to Chris, raising an eyebrow at him.

'I thought it was because I'm your dirty little fetish.'

Chris flinches, freezing up. 'I actually said that didn't I?'

'Yep.'

'I mean it's true, but oh no.'

'I could be a worse dirty fetish.'

Chris smirks at him.

'Don't forget the little.' Chris snarks.

Pj chuckles. 'I'm not little though.'

'You're smaller than me.'

'I'm taller than most people.' Pj argues.

'But not me.' Chris retorts. Pj glares at him.

'You're not as hungover as I thought you'd be.'

Chris snorts. 'Can you actually get a hangover?' Chris questions. Pj shakes his head.

'No.'

Chris smirks.

'Can you actually kiss me if I get onto my tip toes?'

'Probably.'

Chris shifts his weight, making himself taller.

'Prove it.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'I think we should just use mouthwash and then fuck because you're irresistible.'

Pj scrunches his face up.

'What's mouth wash?'

Chris laughs. 'Are you fucking kidding me? You brush your teeth in the mountains but you don't know what mouthwash is?'

Pj laughs. 'It sounds like when my mum would threaten to wash my mouth out with soap if she caught me swearing.'

It's Chris's turn to be confused, his eyes wide 'Mothers do that?' Chris questions with shock.

Pj's mouth hangs open as his heart breaks for Chris.

'Yeah. Mums do that.'

Silence.

'That doesn't sound like great parenting.' Chris chokes.

'It's just a deterrent. She'd never do it.' Pj reassures him.

Chris nods. 'Makes sense.'

'Can you show me what mouthwash is now?'

Chris returns to his usual self. 'Sure.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'So that's mouthwash.'

'It tastes weird.'

'You taste weird.'

'I'd need to taste you again before I made my mind up.'

Chris smirks. 'Why don't you then?

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris falls back against the bed. His head landing on pillows.

Pj crawls over the bed and lays down next to Chris. Laying on his side whilst Chris lays on his back.

Chris just blinks for a second.

'How long have we got before I have to pretend I don't really like you?'

'About an hour.'

Chris smiles at him.

'Shall I return the favor?' Chris asks.

'Maybe later. Can we just have this for now?'

'Yeah, of course.'

Chris kisses him, tasting himself on Pj's lips.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Wait, so how are you not hungover?' Phil asks Chris.

The students are focusing on their abilities as they speak.

Caspar, Luke and Tyler sit watching them. None of them having any use in training at this point.

Dan's showing the most progress. Mitchell and him completely covered in flames. Mitchell is able to create them in his hands, Dan occasionally has to flick the lighter. Louise is watching and helping.

'I don't know.' Chris shrugs. 'I'm slightly proud.'

'Because you were drunk, last night-'

'-I know-'

'Like drunk.' Tyler finishes.

'I know the stuff I said. Lets not.'

'What did Chris say?' Luke questions.

Chris groans, putting his head in his hands. The other two grin. 

Tyler points toward Pj.

'He called him the pretty one. Repeatedly.'

'He referred to him as his 'Dirty little fetish' and he also hit on Louise, Caspar, Tyler...'

'Of course.' Luke interjects.

'I think that was mostly it.' Tyler concludes.

'That was actually pretty poor for Chris.' Caspar judges. 'I expected at least one rumor exposed. Some government secrets.'

'I'll expose some of your secrets in a minute Cassie.' Chris jokes.

'Such as?'

'That passionate one night we had.'

'Oh, the spanking?' Caspar jokes.

'It's all coming out. I'm not sorry.'

'It already did all come out.'

'Cheeky.'

Caspar laughs to himself. 'Just like you after the spanking.'

Chris snorts. 'I wasn't the one being spanked.'

'Oh, was I being a bad boy?'

'The baddest.'

'I believe that would be me.' Tyler interrupts.

Chris snorts. 'I think we can agree that we're all bad boys except for Phil.'

'I'm the baddest boy of all.' Phil states, appalled.

'Phil, you slammed my door by accident a few weeks ago and apologized to it.' Chris deadpans.

Luke laughs once. Tyler rolls his eyes. Caspar loses it.

'I've done that too.' Tyler admits.

'I think the fact that I can do that and get away with it proves that I am the baddest boy.' Phil argues.

'It's not a competition.' Caspar states.

'I could be the baddest boy though.' Phil retorts. He speaks with his hands also, flashing out in front of him. 'I could be...Phil Striker!'

Three people shake their heads at him.

'You're Philip Michael Lester and we love you for it.' Chris smiles.

'Chris James Kendall.' Phil responds.

'Caspar Richard Lee.'

'Lukas David Cutforth.'

They look at Tyler to say his name. Tyler winks.

'It's a secret.' 

The group laugh.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Ya know, if I'd known that we weren't going to be doing anything this morning. I could have slept the headache off.' Tyler complains.

Chris shrugs. 'It's not my fault that you're air users.'

Luke coughs.

'And Luke's like Phil and I.' Chris adds.

'It was worth being here just to see Troye's face when Connor said he could go swimming.'

'Aw, you got a crush Tyler?'

Tyler glares at him.

'Do you need me to bring up the ‘pretty one’ incident Chris?' Tyler queries.

Chris chuckles, shaking his head. 'No. It was a pretty special face on Troye, helps him as well.'

A particularly large fire blast takes their attention. It dies down leaving a bashful Dan standing in the center of it. Chris is just glad they managed to make fireproof clothing before the wars ended.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Connor hasn't laughed this hard for a long time. The boy moves through the water delicately. His smile permanent.

Of course there had been those few minutes where Connor thought Troye was dead. Nobody told him he could breathe underwater.

Troye pops up and out of the water in front of him. He spits water in his direction, not quite hitting him. Connor splashes him back.

He hasn't laughed this hard in a _long_ long time.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris is leaning back on Phil's back. He's throwing a ball back and forth with Tyler.

'We're probably being really distracting.' Chris comments.

'You're always distracting.' Pj responds, smirking. Standing in front of a pot of thornless white roses, attempting to make them grow bigger.

Chris raises his eyebrows at him. 'Haven't you learnt by now to not start me off? I like being the center of attention.'

'I like setting you off.'

'You're supposed to be concentrating.'

'It's not exactly like a plant is going to save my life is it?'

Chris rolls his eyes. 'What do you think you should be doing?'

'Working on my healing.' Pj declares.

Chris frowns. 'There's no way we can do that without injuring you.'

Pj bites his lip. 'Injure me then.'

'No.'

'Chris-'

'-I said no Pj.'

Pj glares at him. 'Are you not going to listen to me?'

'I wasn't planning on it.' Chris retorts. 'Troye should be getting back soon anyway, then we'll do guns again.'

Tyler lets out a 'woo!' as he chucks the ball to Chris.

Chris rolls his eyes. 'Yay! Guns!' He mocks.

'It's something to do to be honest.'

'Yeah, I get that.' Chris agrees.

Tyler's mouth falls open.

'What?' Chris demands.

'I used the word 'do' and you didn't make it about sex.'

Chris hears Pj chuckle. Chris laughs, shrugging. 'I'm not that bad.'

Tyler nods quickly and repeatedly. 'No, you definitely are. What's up?'

Chris scoffs. 'Nothing’s up.'

Tyler glares at him, cocking his head to the side.

'Tell me.'

'No.'

'Tell me.'

'It's not your fucking business Tyler.' Chris scolds him.

'Touchy.' Tyler comments.

Tyler and Chris make eye contact. Tyler's eyes widening. His mouth falls open once more.

'Are. You-'

'-Tyler-'

'-Fucking. Kidding. Me?'

'What now?'

'Touchy. You didn't even make a joke over touchy? What's gotten into you?'

'I don't know.'

Tyler looks horrified. Chris preemptively rolls his eyes.

'You missed what's gotten into you? You're never this slow.'

'Maybe it's because I'm a teacher in a position of authority.' Chris tries to counteract.

Tyler snorts. 'Chris, we're playing catch.'

'Maybe I'm just relaxed.' Chris admits.

'That sounds like a euphemism for you came today.' Tyler jokes.

Chris doesn't let his body language show his shock. He keeps the tension out. His movements fluid. His smile in the same place.

'Oh my gosh, you have.' Tyler grins.

Chris laughs. 'Believe me, I wish I had.'

'Don't try that shit with me Chris, I've got all the same training you have.'

Chris smirks. 'Less of the experience though.'

'Everyone has less experience than you.'

'In the bedroom or battlefield?'

'You missed your opportunity to innuendo your way out of this.'

'All I do is innuendo my way out of things. I thought we were playing catch.'

Chris chucks the ball. Tyler passes it back.

'So how good was your orgasm?' Tyler questions, halfway through Chris's throw. Chris weakly throws it as a result of laughter.

'What's an orgasm?' Chris jokes. 'Can you show me?'

'Oh my god, I am so done with you.' Tyler laughs.

'Same.' Phil chips in, sending Chris and Tyler into manic giggles.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Connor walks in before Troye. Troye has a wide grin on his face. Chris is glad for it. He might not have much time left to smile.

Chris is also glad for it because it means he gets to do something. Tyler was getting antsy, pushing him for details he doesn't want to give.

Tyler nearly trips him over trying to get to the guns.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris has more fun in the afternoon. He makes his pupils practice loading their guns, trying to improve speed and build what little muscle memory they can in two weeks. All of them manage to hit the center of the target once, Dan being the last to manage it.

Chris begins to move the targets, sitting down and watching the confusion on everyone's faces. Phil's laughter drawing attention to Chris, meaning that most of them figure it out.

Pj avoids his eye contact. Speaking just to Emma and Dan. Looking away from Chris.

Tyler ends up grabbing a gun and joining in.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Take a break.' Chris calls.

Tyler jumps up. The others take their time.

Chris laughs at him. 'You're enjoying this aren't you?'

'I believe it was you that once told me to try and enjoy life. It only happens once.'

Chris rolls his eyes. 'I was thirteen.'

Phil chips in. 'Yet already so wise.'

'Already a murderer.' Chris retorts.

The others flinch, yet try to seem unfazed. To the untrained eye, they wouldn't have reacted at all.

'We're all murderers here.' Luke reminds him.

'Not as much Phil and you, but yes.' Chris responds.

Luke smiles. 'I like my ability.'

'Because you get half the side effects Phil and I get.'

'Or I'm just better at dealing with them.'

'Or you're wrong.' Chris snarks.

Luke shrugs. 'Well, you know what they actually think it is.'

'We know.' Phil and Chris say in sync.

Chris turns to Phil, tutting. 'Us and our premature triggering.'

'I wasn't as bad as you.' Phil points out.

'That other kid started it.'

'Chris, you nearly killed him.'

'What did Chris do?' Emma questions, frowning at the conversation she's observing.

'His trigger.' Phil tries to enlighten.

'Some kid tried to beat me up. I got scared. I couldn't do anything and then he wasn't in front of me, he was on the rocks, leg bent the wrong way. I didn't know what had happened. I tried to help him.' Chris keeps it short, feeling cut out of his voice. 'Someone saw. Called me in. Been here ever since.'

Emma nods, keeping her face empty of emotion. Phil can see her aura. Pinks interlocking with pale blues. Some unusual red.

'Okay.' She declares. She looks at Luke. The red increases. 'What's your ability? You never told us. And how come you don't get as bad side effects?'

Luke slantingly smiles at her. 'I can put illusions into people's heads. I don't get it as bad as them because I was triggered when I was eleven.'

'Eleven?'

'Yeah.'

'How does an eleven year old get triggered to put pictures into people's brains?'

Luke chuckles. 'A lot of bad luck.'

Emma huffs out a laugh. 'Do any of us have good luck?'

'Probably not.' Luke responds. 'Was that the answer you were looking for?'

'Yep.'

Chris takes a moment to look at their body posture. Open, inviting. Their breathing rate. The mimicking of behaviors.

Chris stops listening to their conversation. Turning to talk to Phil.

He catches Pj's eye. Pj looks at him for a long moment, before turning back to Dan.

Chris tells them to get back to shooting.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris dismissed them and Pj was pretty much already out the door.

Chris waits as long as he has to, making fake promises to Phil and Louise, before he goes after him.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

It doesn't surprise Chris that Pj's in his room.

The fact that the first thing Pj does the second he walks in the door is kiss him, does surprise him.

Pj slams the door with his spare hand, pushing Chris against it afterwards. Teeth clash. Pj grabs at Chris's clothes, close to ripping them off. Chris returns the pushes of Pj's lips with harder pushes of his own, trying to figure out where this came from.

Finally, Chris manages to get a hand on Pj's chest to get him off him. Deep breathing.

'What's wrong?' Chris demands.

'I'm really pissed at you and really turned on.' Pj tries to force their mouths back together, Chris doesn't let him.

'Why are you pissed?'

'Because I'm not a fucking child and I need to learn how to heal myself and other people. Not just hangovers and after-fuck.'

'I'm not letting you hurt yourself.'

'You're ruining the mood.'

'We need to talk Pj.'

'You need to let me hurt myself. It's the only way I'll learn. Stop trying to protect me.'

'I'm not trying to protect you-'

'-Yes, you are.'

Chris sighs. 'I don't want to see you in pain. You're not something I want associated with that.'

Pj kisses him once. 'You won't. If I learn now, I won't have to learn on the battlefield.'

Chris nods. 'You couldn't have done it today. I'll see if there are any free healers who can help you learn, if there isn't, I'll teach you.'

Pj frowns. 'Why you?'

'Because I know where to cut someone to get them to bleed. I know where isn't fatal. And I care about you. I can show you some of the way.'

Pj nods. 'Sounds good. I'm still pissed at the way you treated me so can I fuck some of it out of my system please?'

Chris realizes he's still pressed up against the door. It doesn't normally happen this way around. It's hot.

'Sure.' He breathes.

Pj brings their mouths together. Clashing again.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Move the dresser in front of the door.'

Chris does as Pj orders. 'Good.'

Pj pulls Chris's shirt up, pinching at his skin whilst he does so. It's driving Chris insane. Chris pulls the shirt over his head. Leaving him topless. Pj pulls Chris close. Pj kisses him again. Needing the pressure, wanting nothing else.

Pj runs his hands over Chris's torso. Grabbing at him.

Chris fingers the bottom of Pj's shirt. Pj lets them separate while Chris takes it off. Pj continues kissing him the second he's finished.

Pj decides he wants Chris on the bed. He walks them over. Pulling Chris with him. Pushing him onto it when they reach it. Chris smirks. Pj hates the smugness, he blocks it out with his own mouth.

He wants more than Chris's lips.

He breaks away.

'You're going to get the lube and you're going to prep me. Okay?'

'Definitely.' Chris's eyes are lust blown.

The lube flies into Chris's hand. Pj doesn't laugh, too busy to even consider it.

Chris takes Pj's trousers down. Chris puts a hand on Pj's arse and grabs. Pj tries to contain his gasp and fails.

He scowls at Chris. 'Prep me so I can fuck myself on your cock already. You bitch.'

Chris smirks again, that anger and sense of ridicule comes back up in Pj. A different kind of anger to the type he's used to, this he can act on.

'Of course. My dirty little fetish.'

Chris applies the lube to his hands, leaning up to connect their mouths again. He gently puts one finger in. Pj feels a burning sensation. His arousal growing. He pants, pulling away from kissing Chris.

'Don't call me that.'

'Okay.' Chris pulls Pj back down to kiss him. Pj obliges.

Chris stretches him, distracting Pj with other sensations. A hand on his hard cock.

Chris puts another finger in, beginning to scissor.

Pj tries his best to not give Chris the satisfaction of moaning. He fails.

He decides to get revenge. Pulling Chris's trousers down too. Hearing the audible gasp at the temperature change. Chris evidently hard.

'Tell me when I'm stretched enough.' Pj demands. The scissoring making him want to collapse and submit. He won't let himself.

Chris nods. Pj begins kissing him again. Chris scissors wider, until he's stretched and Pj is almost a wreck, working on pure anger and lust.

'You're done.' Chris declares, pulling his hand away. Pj could whimper and moan for his cock. He's going to take it for himself.

He pulls Chris's trousers down to his ankles. Unaware of Chris kicking them completely off with his feet. Pj grabs the lube, squirting some into his hand. He licks the tip of Chris's cock. Chris's hips lifting off the bed. Pj puts the hand with the lube on around Chris's cock, pumping a few times to spread it. Chris tries not to beg for more contact.

Both of them completely naked on the bed. Pj moves up, so he's sitting slightly below Chris's cock. On top of Chris's legs. His own legs either side.

He picks his body up. Using his hands to ease the transition, he sits on Chris's cock. Taking pleasure in the burn of it. The widening of Chris's eyes. Knowing that all of Chris's impulses must be to fuck him, yet he's giving Pj the power.

Power feels good.

Pj lets himself adjust.

He begins to move up and down Chris's cock. Chris moving his body to meet him.

Pj doesn't want that.

He moves so that he has one hand on the bed and one hand on Chris's chest. Pinning him.

Chris's mind flies through how easy it would be to get out of this lock and how much he doesn't want to. How much he wants to watch this.

Pj manages to find the perfect angle, not worrying about whether Chris comes. He'll deal with that later.

He forces himself up and down. Sweat covering his body. The movements becoming heavier and needing more effort.

Chris smirks up at him.

The anger motivates him in his lustful activities.

He practically bounces, moving one hand off of Chris to use it to support himself.

He groans at the sensation when he hits his prostate.

Chris thinks he's beautiful.

Pj can feel a pooling. His anger melting away, replaced only with a need for Chris.

He runs out of energy.

He stops.

'Chris-Chris-I...'

'What?'

'I need you.'

Chris smiles at him gently, leaning up to peck him on the mouth once.

Chris takes Pj's body in his arms. Flipping them both over. Until Pj's on his back, legs spread, and Chris is between them.

Chris pushes in, trying to find Pj's pleasure spot.

He finds it quickly. Hitting it as many times as he can.

He feels himself close to climax. He reaches out, taking Pj's cock in his hand.

With one hard push in, Pj comes.

Two pushes after, Chris collapses onto him.

Chris takes a few breaths before rolling off Pj and onto his back next to him.

'You get your anger out?' Chris asks between pants.

'Yeah.'

'That wasn't a healthy way to deal with anger.'

'Nope.'

'We're doing that again sometime.'

'Yep.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'So the first bit of penetrative sex we had in our official relationship was angry sex because I wouldn't let you hurt yourself.' Chris and Pj have just caught their breath.

Pj grimaces. 'Well at least it wasn't bad.'

'It was pretty fucking great.'

'I'm not even that angry anymore.'

'Why were you even that angry in the first place?'

'I think you just rubbed me the wrong way. Because of just...everything.'

'What's everything?'

'I could be dead in a month. You could be dead in a month. Just worry and panic. And I'm just...scared. I'm scared Chris.'

Chris puts his arm around Pj's shoulders.

'It's okay, we all do weird things when we're scared. I shouldn't have been like that to you today, I'm really sorry.'

'Are you really?'

'Well I'd be more sorry if it hadn't lead to amazing sex but I am sorry.' Chris admits. Pj laughs.

'I'm sorry I got so wound up.'

'It's okay. I'm a bit tense too if you can't tell.'

'Gee, you think?'

Chris smiles. 'Shut up.'

Pj turns onto his side. Their lips meet once more. A sweet exchange.

'How long have we got before people get suspicious?'

'Does people include Tyler and Phil?'

'Yes.'

'Phil will never be suspicious, he thinks I have more self restraint than I have. Tyler thinks I'm capable of anything.'

'That's kind of nice.'

'That's really annoying.' Chris chuckles. 'We have some time I think. As long as we think up a plausible lie.'

Pj nods. 'Should we think up a lie in the shower getting cleaned up?'

'We will.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Come back here tonight?' Chris asks.

'I'll try and get away early. I want to spend some more time with you before things get hectic.'

'Things are going to get hectic quickly.'

'All the more reason.'

A quick kiss.

'See you later.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Where did you go Pj?'

It doesn't surprise Pj that they're all sat together, directly outside of his room.

'Are you my parents now? Waiting for me to get back and then interrogating me?'

Pj has to walk strangely, the pain is mild and he can feel it vanishing, but with everyone watching him, he can't help but think it's obvious.

'No. We just want to know where you went.'

'I was fighting monsters.' Pj snarks.

'Just monsters or your monsters?' Dan inquires.

Pj smiles. 'Just monsters.'

The group accept it.

'Alright monster hunter, lets go to the roof.' Emma says, standing up. Beginning to walk down the hallway.

'Why didn't you-'

'-We wanted to wait for you dummy.' Zoe interrupts.

'That's what friends are for Pj.' Troye adds.

Dan grins at him, giving him a thumbs up before following them.

Pj shrugs before he does the same.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

They run into Phil on the way.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Philly!' Tyler shouts as the door opens.

'And my students too.' Phil says as he makes his way over to the group.

'They're our students.' Chris corrects him.

'And my sister.' Joe adds.

'And our friends too.' Tyler corrects them.

'We're all people.' Luke repeats.

'We're all abnormals.' Caspar mentions.

'We're all bored.' Chris announces.

'And a little scared.' Connor states.

'Sort of horny.' Tyler confirms.

'Hungry.' Chris completes.

Phil sighs and chucks a bar at him from his back pocket. Chris unwraps it with his power and begins to eat.

'Can you do something about me being horny?' Tyler asks Phil. Phil giggles.

'I'll work on it.'

Chris starts laughing, almost choking.

'You're in a good mood.' Luke points out.

Phil sits down next to Chris and Tyler. The others join the one large group of people. Louise fussing over Dan. Zoe sitting next to her and Emma. Grinning at her brother for a moment.

'I'm feeling good.' Chris responds. 'I mean good for the circumstances.' Chris grins. 'Plus, we're about to do questions and that's always fun.'

Pj frowns. Sitting directly opposite Chris. The group assembled in a misshapen circle. They are quiet and listen to Chris.

'About to do what?'

Chris grins at him. 'Questions. It's a very unoriginal game.'

'We go around the circle interrogating people. You get asked five questions. You can willing not answer two, but then you'll get two different questions.'

'You have to be completely honest. It's meant to build trust.' Chris adds. 'You can vouch out if you want, but then you can't ask any questions either.'

Pj smiles. 'What sort of questions get asked?'

'All sorts. Whatever you want to ask.'

Pj smirks. 'What if I have a secret I want to keep?'

'We'll keep it secret.' Chris winks.

'Is this what you guys do in your spare time?' Emma asks.

Tyler responds. 'We normally do it the night before a mission. We don't know if we're going to be able to that, so we're doing it now.'

'Because we're cool like that.' Chris comments.

Tyler grins at him. 'Shut up.'

'Never.'

'Can it be sexual?' Troye asks.

'It's encouraged.' Tyler retorts.

'I've heard some things.' Connor adds.

'Good things?' Luke questions.

Connor's eyes widen, he stares at nothing. 'That thing with the butt plug and the pistol still haunts me.'

Chris and Tyler laugh. Phil and Luke share the same haunted look. Caspar and Joe share brief eye contact.

'It was private time between two men.' Caspar complains. 'You didn't all need to butt into it.' 

Chris snorts. 'You butted it Caspar.' Caspar glares at him, Chris smirks back. 

'It should have stayed private.' Phil comments.

'Even I agree with that.' Chris says.

'The what and the what?' Emma inquires.

There's a collective shiver.

'I think we should make Connor go first because he brought up that fucking horrific masterpiece.' Tyler shouts.

'Agreed.'

'No...' Connor tries to argue.

'Questions for Connor?'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Would you kill everyone here for a chance to be free?' Chris questions.

Connor's eyes widen, locking onto Chris.

'Drop me in the deep end much.' Connor notes.

Chris starts laughing. The circle stare at him.

'Swimming analogies.' He chuckles. 'Get it, because he's a water user.'

Everyone glares at him, which makes him crack up even more.

Tyler starts smirking and ends up cackling with him. The whole group sighing at the two.

The two stop laughing.

Connor frowns.

'No. I wouldn't. If I killed all of you, I couldn't be free anyway.'

Chris nods at him. He understands guilt.

'Do you think you ever could be free?'

'Chris, you're wasting all the questions.'

'They're good ones.' Chris retorts.

Connor's face is void of emotion, aware he's being watched. He doesn't let himself cry. He doesn't curl over and sob. He keeps himself upright. He can't force himself to smile. The only person that knows his true feelings is Phil. Phil knows everyone's secrets to an extent.

'No. I don't think I could.' Connor honestly replies.

Chris nods at him. 'Fair enough. Other questions?'

Tyler puts his hand up, laying on the ground next to Phil, beside Connor also.

'Yes Ty.'

'What's the most scared you've been in the last few weeks and why?'

Connor starts to laugh. 'Troye didn't tell me he could breathe underwater today and I thought he was dead.'

'Why did that scare you?' Troye asks, adding as an after thought. 'That doesn't count as a question!'

'I don't want you to die on my watch Troye. Plus, Chris is scary when he's angry.'

Phil scoffs. 'Tell me about it.'

Chris chuckles. 'You know I'd never hurt you Philly.'

Phil chuckles. 'You threw a wardrobe at me once.'

The group laugh.

'Okay. Firstly-'

'-Don't bother Chris.-'

'-He was messing with my flow.'

Tyler snorts. 'What flow?'

'My creative flow.' Chris defends.

'What did he do?' Tyler inquires.

Phil rolls his eyes, putting his face in his hands.

'Alright, I shit you not, it was the day he lost his virginity-'

'WAIT WHAT?'

'CAN'T WE WAIT UNTIL IT'S MY QUESTION TIME?' Phil shouts. The group laugh again.

'YES.'

'GOOD.'

They turn back to Connor.

'Two questions left.' Chris states, prompting the group.

Louise shouts in. 'What was the last thing you wanted to confess but couldn't?'

Connor frowns. 'What?'

'I mean something you wanted to admit to, but couldn't admit to.'

'So you want me to tell you a secret?'

'Yeah.'

Connor looks up as he thinks. He nods. 'I had a crush on Tyler for like a year when I was sixteen.'

Tyler quickly sits up.

'WHAT?'

Connor glares at him. 'I was sixteen.'

'FOR A YEAR?'

_'I was sixteen.'_

'Why didn't you tell me?'

'That counts as a question.' Connor argues.

'Okay. Explain.'

'I'm not stupid Tyler. You don't risk that much on a stupid crush. I didn't want to ruin our friendship. And if you had returned it, I didn't want to be your boyfriend.'

'I'm not that bad.' Tyler jokes.

Connor rolls his eyes. 'I didn't want to be your boyfriend because that would have risked everything and I didn't want to do that for something that might, and did, go away. Or one of us could have...' Connor trails off. They know what he means.

Tyler nods in agreement. 'Don't give them anymore power over you than necessary. Smart. This is still funny though.' Tyler lays back down.

Chris and Pj make eye contact.

Both of them aware of how much they're risking.

Chris comes to a conclusion.

_We're probably both going to be dead in a month._

_Let's risk something._

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'I vote we interrogate Phil next.' Luke says.

The group nod. Phil sighs at his fate.

'What do you want to know?'

'Why did Chris throw a wardrobe at you?'

The group look at him expectantly. Chris laughs next to him.

Phil turns to glare at him.

'I hate you.'

'You love me.' Chris retorts.

Phil sighs.

'Alright, so I'd just lost my virginity-'

Tyler snorts. Phil ignores him.

'-It's natural Tyler. It's not my fault everyone thinks I'm innocent. I'm just not as crude.'

'True.' Chris comments.

'I went to Chris. Obviously. And...' Phil scrunches his nose up.

'I was having a bad day.' Chris fills in for him.

'Right. Chris had a bad day. I started teasing him. I went too far. Chris threw a wardrobe at me.'

'I missed.'

'By a few centimeters.'

'Don't make me regret missing Philip.'

'That wasn't as funny as I'd thought it'd be.'

Phil shrugs. 'Never is. Four questions left.' Phil prompts.

'How was your the losing of your virginity?' Tyler asks, clapping his hands together. Resting them on his chest.

'I'm not answering that.'

Tyler nods. 'Thought as much.'

Dan blurts out a question. 'Have you ever thought about Chris? I mean romantically.'

Phil raises his eyebrows at him.

Chris starts laughing. Turning himself around and laying on his back. The same way that Tyler is.

'I've known Chris since I was eight.'

'That doesn't answer the question Philly.' Chris teases in a sing song voice.

Phil glares at him.

'You okay Chris?'

Chris leans up, putting a finger over Phil's mouth.

'Hush, speak no words.'

Phil continues to glare at him. Chris removes the finger. Putting his arms back at his side.

'I have thought about it, but I don't feel attracted.'

'I'm a stallion Phil.'

Phil rolls his eyes.

'And there's the whole wouldn't want to ruin the friendship. Plus relationships are tricky.' Phil says.

'The war's going to be over in a month or two. Whether we win or not. Would you fuck me then?' Chris jokes.

Phil considers hitting him.

'I wouldn't, and that counts as a question.' Phil clicks.

'Fuck!' Chris shouts.

'I'd fuck you Chris.'

'Thanks Tyler, but my ego has been too broken to fix.'

'What if I fucked you at the same time?' Caspar suggests.

Chris puts a hand on his heart.

'You would do that.'

'Of course.'

'Aw, Cas.'

'Can we get on with the questions?' Louise interrupts.

'Get angry about it.' Tyler laughs.

'Is there anything you haven't told us?' Emma asks. 'I mean your 'pupils'.'

Phil thinks about it. Looking at them all. The new faces that he likes. Loves?

And he says what he hates most in the world.

'They use me for interrogations. I get into people's minds. I pull every piece of data out that's possible and afterwards, I kill them. That's my day job.' There's looks of shock on his pupil's faces.

Chris puts a hand on his arm.

'Phil, you've killed a quarter of-'

'-But that doesn't matter does it? You're a soldier. You kill who gets in your way. You don't know names. I know their names. Their wife's names. Their children. Where they live. What their childhood pet was called. What it was like growing up in the other nation. You're a soldier. I'm the murderer.'

'All of those people did bad things.' Chris sits up to look at him.

Phil nods. 'I know, it's the only thing that makes it bearable.'

Chris lays back down again. He stares up at the sky. It's not going to rain. He swears for a second, that he can see a star.

'I killed ten people getting me and Louise out of that building. I left my team behind. Their blood is on my hands.'

Louise pipes up. 'I shot seven.'

'On my last mission, I bombed a government building. I don't know how many are dead.' Tyler adds. 'On the mission before that, it was four. Then it was the front-line, I shot thirty three over four months.'

'The last person I killed, I had to interrogate.' Luke pitches in. 'I showed her images of her family being killed to get her to confess. When she did, I slit her throat. I left her body in her home. I don't know who found her.'

'I had to perform water torture on a Lieutenant a month ago.' Connor contributes.

Joe coughs. 'I once shot a man's eyes out because he reminded me of the neighbor that found out I could move water.' Zoe stares at him and he avoids looking at her. Caspar puts a hand on Joe's back.

'I exploded a man from the inside after he shot Oli.' Caspar admits.

Phil nods as the admissions come in. Then there's silence. The group wait for Phil to speak. Most of them aware it'll probably end up being Chris that does.

'I once pushed my brother down a hill because he tried to steal my apple.' Dan confesses.

Pj and Emma laugh. Chris chuckling at the randomness.

'Once a boy tried to touch me without my consent so I threw a metal water bottle at him. The teacher saw, she tried to get me to sit outside, so I threw the bottle at her too.' Emma adds.

'It was market day a few years ago and we were left with this farm with no adults in. I left the gate open. All the animals got out and me and Louis had to chase them down and get them back. We managed it and never told anyone.'

The whole group laugh. Phil watching Dan with a smile.

Dan speaks again.

'When I was little, I played with the torch that my dad used to take to work with him. He thought I didn't turn it on. It ran out of battery when he was underground by himself and he nearly died.'

Pj smirks, he joins in.

'When I was little, I had a 'girlfriend'. I wanted to marry her. As I got on one knee to ask her to marry me, I farted. She dumped me.'

Chris snorts and puts a hand over his face while he laughs.

'Pj won.' Dan states. 'Except for that one time I gave an axe to a child.'

Pj frowns at him, chuckling.

'See Phil. We've all done horrible things. You're no worse than us. You will always have that.' Chris says.

'Nothing is worse than pushing your brother down a hill.' Dan adds.

Phil smiles. 'Thanks.'

'One question left.' Chris states.

'You're not allowed to ask it.' Phil says.

Chris feigns hurt. 'Well now I want to.'

'Have you ever broken someone's heart?' Dan questions. Chris looks at his posture. It's straight, relaxed and open. His feet point to Phil. His eyes focused.

It's an exact mirror of Phil's body.

'No.'

 _Except my own. That's the way it should be._  

'Tyler next.' Chris orders.

Tyler rolls his eyes. Turning his head to look at Chris. Both of them still on the ground.

'Hit me.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'If you and Chris did have sex, who do you think would top?' Pj asks, smirking.

'Caspar would.' Chris answers. Tyler laughs.

'Probably Chris. He could be my daddy.'

'Ew.'

'Shut up.' Tyler chuckles.

'Would you rather me, Phil, Connor, or Troye?' Chris questions.

Tyler rolls his eyes. There's some voices of protest.

'None of you-'

'-That's a lie. I could rock your world. I've world rocked before.' Chris retorts.

Phil sighs. 'If you don't pick Chris, he'll never shut up about it.'

'I would have all four of you at once and just...watch.' Tyler looks up and thinks about it. 'Yes. That's something I'd enjoy.'

'Phil would hate it.' Chris argues.

'I don't agree to this.' Connor adds.

'It could be worse.' Troye shrugs.

Chris snorts.

'It looks like it's only you and Troye that are down for this.' Chris chuckles. 'You kids have fun. Use protection.'

Tyler sits up, turning to join the circle. frowning at Chris throughout.

'Wouldn't you be joining us Chris?'

Chris copies Tyler.

'Nah.' He looks at Pj for a moment. 'I'm too busy for that.'

Tyler snorts. 'Alright, Chris has wasted two of my questions, any others?'

'I am a waste.'

'I love you really Chris.' Tyler says.

'Did you ever have a crush on Connor?' Zoe asks. He smiles at her.

'Maybe for a month. It was a long time ago.' Tyler turns to Connor. 'Sorry Babe.'

'It's okay.' Connor reassures. 'I have a question. What was the most embarrassing thing you did when you were drunk, before I got here?'

'I didn't do that much that was embarrassing before you got here. I mean, I was seventeen when you arrived.'

'Nothing comes to mind?' Connor questions.

'One thing.' Tyler smiles, it doesn't spread to his eyes. 'It was my first week here-'

'-Is this what I think this is?' Chris interrupts. Tyler nods.

'You don't have to tell them that.' Phil jumps in.

'I'm not ashamed.'  Tyler smiles at them, reassuring them. 

'Go on.' Phil prompts.

'It was my first week here. I was upset. I'd been let out of my cell for the first time. Some people got me drunk. I found my way up here, on my own.'

Some people exchange looks, wondering where this is going.

'I knew I could fly. I looked across the city.' Tyler does this as he speaks. 'I thought that maybe I could fly home.'

There’s silence.

'You jumped didn't you?' Connor asks.

Tyler nods. 'Chris was here. I didn't realize. He grabbed me.'

'And that's how we met.'

'I thought you were cute.' Tyler says.

'I thought you were naive and stupid.' Chris retorts.

'I was a child.'

'Me too. I still thought you were naive and stupid.'

Tyler laughs. 'I love you Chris.'

Chris smiles. 'I love you too.'

Tyler frowns 'I have one question left.'

'You do.' Chris turns to the rest of the circle. 'Any questions from the audience?' Chris jokes.

'What's something that I might not know about you that's interesting?' Zoe asks.

Tyler laughs.

'I don't know. Chris and I broke into where they store priceless antiques once and watched loads of movies and listened to music. I stole a book and they still don't know I did it.'

'He loves to read.' Chris adds.

'I envy his self confidence.' Phil confesses.

'Aw Philly.'

'It took him long enough to find it.' Chris says.

'That's valid.' Tyler comments. 'Who's next?'

Chris looks at Pj for a long second. He's leaning down so he can whisper to Emma. Emma laughs at him.

Chris puts two fingers on his temple.

'Can it be me? I think I'm going to have to go to my bedroom soon or collapse here.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Do you remember when we played this last?' Luke questions.

Chris frowns at him. 'Last year. Before you went to defense.' Chris's face molds into a smile. 'How was the ocean?'

Luke smiles back. 'Amazing. Boring, but amazing.'

'The ocean?' Troye asks.

'The other nation is surrounded by the sea on all sides. They use it religiously and use it for pretty much everything. We only have one side exposed to the sea, so there's always abnormals there to make sure they don't try and attack from the side.'

'How do they use it religiously?' Troye frowns.

'Just for like ceremonies and stuff. The resources they got from the sea was what kept them alive after the wars. So it sort of became their god.' Chris takes a deep breath. 'I had to go to a church once to follow a target, it was stunning. I love the sea.' Chris shakes his head. 'I'm getting side tracked.'

'You are.' Luke comments. 'But you remember what I asked?'

Chris snorts. 'Wasn't it, what's the kinkiest thing I've ever done?'

Luke nods. 'Has it changed in the year?'

Chris raises an eyebrow at him. 

'You've been bored haven't you?'

Luke nods again.

'Yes.' Chris answers.

Luke raises his eyebrows.

'That was a closed question.' Chris explains. The experienced players all sigh.

'What was it?' Luke begrudgingly inquires.

Chris hums. 'I had someone get so pissed at me that they chucked me on the bed and rode me. Anger sex is kinky by default.'

Pj's eyes widen. There's snickers throughout the circle.

Chris smirks at him for a second.

'That's about as good as last time.' Luke comments.

'I didn't use protection this time.' Chris retorts.

Tyler and Phil both swat at him.

'Well I'm not exactly going to get him pregnant am I!'

'This is when it turns out to be Phil.' Tyler laughs.

Phil puts his face in his hands.

'Phil and I don't really get angry at each other. We just get sarcastic and passive aggressive.'

Phil takes his head off his hands.

'That's too true.'

'Who was he?' Tyler finally asks. Pj freezes up. Chris rolls his eyes.

'Not answering that.' Chris scoffs.

'Why?'

'Because I don't kiss and tell. That's the third question by the way.'

'Fuck.' Tyler shouts. 'Not fair.'

'Why don't you ask me about it?' Chris grins.

'Shut up.' Tyler turns to the circle. 'We need to embarrass him.'

'Your presence embarrasses me.'

'Words hurt Chris.'

'I apologize.'

'Apology accepted. Now!' Tyler claps his hands together. 'I have no ideas!'

'What was your first impression of everyone here?' Dan splutters. Tyler nods

Chris hums. 'Alright.'

He looks at Tyler. 'Naive. Stupid.'

'Thanks Chris.' Tyler snarks.

'Connor. I thought you were nice. I found that weird. There's not a lot of niceness.'

Connor smiles and nods at him.

'Luke. I thought you were amazing.' Chris continues.

Luke frowns. 'Why?'

'Because you're like me. But without all the bad bits.'

'I get depressed as a side effect.'

'I didn't know that then, did I!'

Luke snorts.

Chris starts going around the circle and saying their respective sentences.

'Louise. I thought you were funny and caring. I thought this place would probably crush you. It somehow didn't.'

'Zoe. I thought that you looked strong. You radiated that. Even if you were obviously scared.'

'Emma. Strong as well. You seemed like a fighter. I like a fighter.'

Chris pauses.

'Pj. You seemed terrified. But the good kind of terrified. Ready to fight too, strong. You seemed defiant.' Chris laughs. 'You are defiant. You goofball.'

The circle chuckles softly.

'Dan. I thought that you were scared too. I admired the fact that you didn't try to hide it. Then you were being sarcastic and you were instantly approved of. You have the strength to get through this, you just need to remember that. Your strength is what holds you together.'

'Caspar and Joe. I met you together and you made me think about what Phil and I would be like if we actually had the same sense of humor. My first impression was that you were funny and kind.' Chris grins at them. 'I mean, you're obviously close and you always have been.' 

Chris had almost forgot Phil. He turns to him.

'I didn't know what to think of you Phil. I didn't really remember anybody else that was my age, and the ones I did remember... weren't exactly the nicest to me?' Chris nervously smiles, Phil rolls his eyes. 'It was obvious that you were scared, and I wanted to help make you stronger, because strength leads to being less afraid. I wanted to help you, and I knew I could.'

Phil peaks into Chris's mind, finding flashing images of Phil as a child, Phil's laugh. Phil feels what Chris felt, his fear, his worry, his determination.

Chris coughs.

Chris addresses the group.

'Was that good enough?'

They nod.

'Can I go to bed now?'

'It's nine o'clock you old man.'

Chris laughs. 'I have a condition.'

'We know. You can skip the last question. Go.' Tyler orders.

Chris stands up.

'Do you want me to come with you?' Phil asks.

'That's my last question. No. I'll make it.' Chris answers. He walks away biding them a farewell. The circle continue on to question Luke.

Chris catches Pj's gaze for a moment. Holding it. Hoping he understands. He closes the door after him.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris changes clothes. He brushes his teeth.

He's not had a lot of time alone recently. He takes this break as a time to breath and think.

He makes more lists, more objectives.

He needs to get them able to use guns. He needs to boost their powers. He needs to get them to defend themselves.

He needs to let Pj learn how to heal.

He needs to make them strong.

You're not afraid if you're strong, being strong is essential. People need to be strong.

He can do that.

He wants to not have to.

He wants them to be free. He wants to let them go, have them live their old lives and forget about them.

He wants to know Pj better. He wants his boyfriend to be safe and happy. He wants to be able to say he loves him with confidence and ease, not afraid that Pj is just here out of lust or boredom.

He wants to not be so terrified.

He wants to fall in love before he gets put down.

He wants to outlive the expectations every single person that's ever looked at him has ever had.

He wants his mind to slow down.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj quickly knocks Chris's door before jumping into the room.

Chris is laying on the bed with his eyes shut.

Pj glares at him, shutting the door.

'Firstly, you're not asleep. Secondly, if you are asleep, we're going to have a problem. I don't have a thirdly.'

Chris opens his eyes, sitting up on the bed.

'You know me so well.' Chris jokes. Pj walks over to the bed. Chris moves the dresser in front of the door.

'I know you well enough. _'Anger sex is kinky by default'_?' 

Chris smirks. 'They had no idea that was you.'

'I know and it honestly turned me on a little bit, but that's besides the point.'

'What's the point?'

Pj sits on the bed next to Chris.

'I forgot.'

'Good.'

Chris presses a kiss to Pj's lips. Pj hums and returns it.

Chris breaks apart.

'How did you get away?' Chris asks.

'I just said I was tired. They 'questioned' me and I left.'

Chris raises his eyebrows. 'Anything interesting?'

'They tried to ask me about my trigger and I refused. Then it was questions about sex, Tyler was actually surprised that I like men. There was some questions about family.'

Chris grimaces. 'Family is a difficult one.'

There's a moment of silence. Both of them on separate thought trails.

Pj laughs. 'Did you know that Zoe and Joe's parents were hoarders? That's why Zoe got so frustrated that she got triggered.'

Chris frowns. 'Hoarders?'

'They thought that the ending of this war would be the like the ending of the last one.'

Chris nods. 'Annihilation.'

'So they packed up loads of things so they'd have supplies. They even planned to have two children. They got Joe's pregnancy supplies at the same time as Zoe's.'

'I guess there's logic in that.'

'Strange logic.' Pj comments. 'Also, Joe and Caspar admitted to their sexual relationship after you left. None of us were that shocked. They're _very_ insistent that there's no feelings involved.'

Chris rolls his eyes. 'Typical.' 

'They were so adamant about it, that it just came off as weird.'

Chris laughs. 'Because we're so normal.'

'I think dating my teacher, because I find them cute and funny and I like them, is perfectly reasonable.'

Chris kisses him.

'That's just because you came a few hours ago.'

Pj snorts. 'Well that's certainly a pro.'

Both of them laugh. Chris holds out his hand, Pj takes it.

'Tell me about you.' Pj orders.

'Do I have to?'

'Yes.'

Chris smiles.

'Where do you want me to start?'

'Wherever you want to begin.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris sighs, he pours out his soul.

It's funny to him. His story in words doesn't sound like events. It doesn't sound like the things that formed him.

It sounds fictional.

'I guess my life started when I got taken. I don't really remember anything from before.’ Chris shrugs. ‘I get memory problems with my ability. Phil has the opposite. He helps when I need it.'

'That must be helpful.'

'It is.’ Chris smiles, eyes wondering away from Pj. He returns to looking at him. ‘So I was six. And I was here. They put me into train with all the teenagers. I was scared, they made it better.'

Pj frowns. 'They made it better?'

Chris chuckles. 'They were a group of scared teens who'd been taken from their homes too. Most of them had little siblings...'

Pj smiles. 'They were nice to you because you reminded them of home.' Chris nods.

'It was fun. I still missed my home then. I don’t anymore, don’t really have one. They trained me up to use my powers. Some things happened. Some people graduated. Phil arrived when I was eight. I-'

'-I know how that happened.'

Chris grins. 'How do you know?'

'He was telling Dan about it. I was listening because Phil was also talking about you... and you know.' Pj shrugs off towards the end.

'You were listening because I was involved?' Chris teases.

Pj rolls his eyes. 'Go on.'

'So Phil arrived. They trained me for six years before they decided I was ready to fight.'

Pj frowns.

'Half your life.' Pj hesitates over the words. 'At the time...'

Chris nods. 'I know.' Chris coughs, his emotions growing heavier, knowing what he's going to have to confess to. 'Anyway, they called me a soldier and sent me to the front-line-'

'-Was Phil with you?'

'No. Not for a year. ' Chris explains.

Pj's mouth falls open. 'You were alone.'

Chris wants to argue, but Pj's not wrong.

'Yeah. I was.' Chris sighs. 'But I was fine. I'm fine. I made it.'

'Were you really fine?' Pj demands.

Chris laughs bitterly.

'No. Everyone that I managed to make friends with died in my arms and I hated myself for managing to live. Just because of this fucking genetic thing I've got in here.' He points to his head, his hand shaking slightly.

Pj doesn't know how to respond. He closes his eyes, he breathes out. He opens them and blinks once.

'How long were you there?'

Chris drops the hand.

'Two and a half years. Phil was there for a year of it. '

Pj doesn't want to ask what happens next. He wants to put the covers over their head and let the past fly out the window. He wants to ignore the world.

'Do you want me to go on?' Chris asks.

'Does it get worse?' Pj begs.

'I was a child soldier.' Chris laughs.

Pj raises his eyebrows at him.

'Are you saying that's the worst possible thing they could do?'

'I like that you're open minded. Yeah, it got worse.'

'What next?'

'They saw how I was doing on the front-line and decided my ability would be useful for another purpose. They pulled me back here. Gave me a few more months training. They made me an assassin.'

'What's an assassin?' Pj questions, face contorted in confusion.

'It's a pre-war term. It used to mean someone that was paid to kill, now it's used to mean someone that kills solo, on enemy ground.'

Pj nods. 'Wait...so...'

'They taught me everything about their culture, gave me a set of fake identifications and a list of people to kill, then set me off.'

'How? Who did you-'

'Who did I kill?' Pj nods. 'Ten people that used to work on our side and went to theirs. Traitors.' Chris sighs. 'Traitors with families. You know how Phil said that he knows the people he kills, and that makes it worse?'

Pj slowly nods. 'Yes.'

'It does make things worse. It really does. I knew every good and bad thing they'd done.' Chris whispers. 'They were like me, but I had to destroy them.'

Pj doesn't know how to respond. His mouth opens and shuts twice. He keeps it closed.

'It took me two years to get them all. I lived there all that time. By myself. No communication with here.' Chris chuckles to himself. 'I liked it. The solitude. But I missed Phil. I came back, they gave me a medal and a week. Then they sent me to covert ops.'

Pj frowns.

Chris smiles, shrugging it off.

'It's just missions to get data and plans from the other side. Or to try and take captives. So Phil, Luke or someone can interrogate them.' Chris explains.

Pj nods.

Chris sighs and continues.

'I guess it doesn't really get much worse than that. It was either missions or the front-line from then on. When I was twenty they told me that I'd officially killed fifty people poff the front-line. Gave me a medal for it. I threw it away. I've probably killed double that now.'

Pj blinks. The story both worse and better than he expected.

Chris shrugs.

‘Then I got back from a mission a month ago. They decided I would be a good teacher. Phil and I weren't that happy about it because we're not teachers. But we had no choice. So here we are. That’s me.’

Pj shakes his head.

'That’s not all there is to you. Tell me some of the good things.'

Chris frowns at him and laughs, picking at his own nails absentmindedly.

'I had my first kiss when I was fourteen. With a girl. She's dead now. She only kissed me because she was going to the front-line the next day and we were friends, and she was scared.'

'What else?'

'Um. I prefer nighttime to daytime. I like music. The sea was one of my favourite places when I was in the other nation. They say that the sea is good because it provides life and takes it and because it isn't picky. They think of it as this pure thing. I found the whole thing amazing, but fucking weird. I still think of the sea when I get sad.' Chris chuckles. 'I'm ranting.'

Pj smiles at him. 'It's a super good rant.'

'Better rant than before.' Chris responds.

'I'd rather the sea than your self hatred.'

A pause and a furrowed brow.

'Me too.'

Chris thinks about what he's said, how his whole life was joined up in simplistic points, unfeeling decisions linking it up. No emotion. Pure fact and data.

Taken at six.

Best friend at eight.

Soldier at twelve.

Alone at fifteen.

Covert operations at seventeen.

Decorated at twenty.

Self hatred for as long as he can remember.

A teacher?

'I can't think of anything else.' Chris admits.

Pj huffs. 'That's a hell of a story.'

Chris frowns at him. 'You can say that again.' He tries for humor, it falls flat. He swallows. 'Do you hate me?'

'What?'

Chris lets out a mangled, bitter laugh.

'Do you hate me? For what I've done?’

‘I don’t know all the details but...How could I hate you for what you've been forced to do?'

'Easily.' Chris taps him on the head with his knuckles. 'With common sense Dummy.'

'Would you have killed any of those people if you'd been given the choice?' Pj asks.

Chris's mouth falls open. He considers it.

'I don’t know.'

'Do you not love people? Do you love Phil?'

'Of course I do.'

Pj sighs.

'I don't think anyone is bad for the things they feel forced to do. It's not your fault you're here. It's not my fault I'm here. It's not the soldier that caught me's fault either.'

Chris frowns. 'Who's is it then?'

Pj laughs. 'It's our corrupt government's fault Chris. They forced you to do those things.'

Chris lets go of his hand. 'The things that made me who I am. The government that raised me. That meant I didn't kill anyone innocent.'

Pj bites his lip. 'You needed help when you were a kid Chris. They didn't need to make you into a soldier.'

Chris inhales to argue.

Of course there's not an argument.

Chris sits up. Pulling his body away from Pj.

'Don't make me think about it.'

Pj frowns at him. 'What?'

Chris's face crumples. 'Don't make me think about what I could have been.'

Pj's eyes widen. 'Chris...'

'I don't need to think about that. Thinking about that will drive me insane.'

'Chris... I still think you're good.'

Pj kneels up, crawling over the bed to wrap his arms around Chris. A hand possessively claiming his chest. Pj’s front pressed against Chris’s back.

'I'm always going to be more broken than you.' Chris says, his voice raw from unshed tears.

'Broken things deserve kindness Chris.'

A pause. Chris puts his hand over Pj’s. Pj can feel his heartbeat.

'What does kindness do?' Chris whispers.

'It helps us heal.’ Pj smiles. ‘You know that.'

'Do I?'

'If you didn't, you wouldn't be kind. You wouldn't look out for Phil. You wouldn't have saved Tyler all those years ago. You wouldn't have saved Louise. You wouldn't be working your butt off to try and save all of us.' Pj laughs. 'Actually, I think you do a fuck load of good. You just ignore it and focus on the negatives.'

'The negatives have a way of outweighing the positives.' Chris responds.

'Lay down with me.' Pj orders.

Chris smiles. 'Sure.'

The two shuffle themselves so they're laying facing each other on the bed. Close enough to touch.

'How many lives do you think you've saved Chris?' Pj demands.

'I-I-I don't know.' Chris stutters.

'Well start with Tyler. Tyler's still alive. Louise too. That's two.'

'I stopped Phil from being shot in the forehead on his first day at the front-line.' Chris adds.

'Three.' Pj smiles

'I stopped a grenade from hitting a human base when I was thirteen.'

Pj’s eyes fly wide. 'You saved them. And their families.'

Chris shrugs.

'I reckon you've saved a lot of people. I reckon you're 'better' than you think you are.' Pj reaches out and takes Chris's hand. 'In fact, I know it.'

Chris looks at him. Speechless.

He takes in his eyes, his mad hair, cheek bones, stubble, grin.

Chris swallows.

'I'm so glad you exist.'

Pj chuckles. 'I'm glad I exist too.'

'No. I mean it. When I found out I was going to train all of you, I didn't want to. I didn't want to train people to die-'

'-That's ironic-'

'-I know. I started to love you all. And then they broke my heart, I'm trying to fix it by not letting it be broken. I'm trying to keep you alive if it's the last thing I do. Because it'll be the best thing I've ever done if I succeed. I nearly died and I regretted not seeing you all grow and not knowing you. I'm just so glad I've gotten to do that. Even if it's short lived-'

'-You love us?' Pj questions.

Pj's eyes are dilated. His heart beating fast.

Chris smiles.

'Yeah. You grew on me.’

'You grew on me too.' Pj responds.

Chris smirks.

'What was your first impression of me then?'

Pj chuckles, he turns it into a hum.

'I thought you were a dick.'

Chris laughs. 'Why?'

'Because you were.' Pj points out. 'Then I thought you were a funny dick.'

Chris smiles. 'Then?'

Pj smiles and shakes his head. 'I still think you're a funny dick.' Chris giggles at him. He's reminded of how things have changed. 'I like you now though.'

'Nice to know.'

'I like you a lot.'

'Even better.'

'I'm not quite sure how it happened.'

Chris huffs. 'Same.'

'I think you just made me laugh too much and you're pretty cute so-'

'I'm pretty cute?' Chris frowns, smiling widely, colour in his cheeks.

Pj grins. 'Of course you are.'

'I thought I sort of looked a bit like a blob.'

Pj laughs, going red in the face.

'Sexy blob.'

'You're supposed to be flattering me.' Chris whines, grinning too. He swats at Pj.

'I don't need to.' Pj jokes. Still smiling. 'You act like you know you're hot.'

Chris shrugs. 'I can pretend easily.'

The smiles melt slightly, falling. 'I know.'

'It's alright sometimes. It helps.' Chris shrugs. 'I'm not that hot either. I'm a required taste.'

'You're my taste.'

Chris giggles. ‘That makes it sound like you want to lick me.’

Pj smirks. 'Well I think after everything you've told me, you'd probably say no, but I'm not.'

'Didn't you say that kissing was the best distraction?'

Pj chuckles.

'I can think of better.'

Chris smirks back.

'Distract me.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj falls back onto the bed sheets. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. Chris has his eyes closed, feeling elated and raw. He puts out an arm, Pj puts his body into it. Allowing Chris to hold him.

'That was a good distraction.' Chris comments.

'Good.'

'I'm sorry if earlier on was weird. I wanted you to know the outline of what I've done-'

'-Chris. I'm glad you did that. I feel like I know you better now. That's always a good thing.'

Pj closes his eyes. He tucks himself further into Chris's side.

Chris smiles. He turns off the nearby light switch. The room plunges into darkness.

'Do you want to get under the covers? I don't want you to get cold.'

Pj smiles. 'I've got a perfect immune system numpty.'

'You can still get cold.' Chris retorts.

Pj opens his eyes and rolls them.

They shift under the sheets. Chris tucking them both in. Holding Pj close.

'Day two up.' Pj says.

'Twelve to go.' Chris adds.

'Do you-'

'Don't Pj.' Chris interrupts. 'Don't worry yourself. You'll just make things worse. You need to go to sleep.'

Pj watches him. 'Did you get enough sleep last night?'

Chris nods. 'It'll do me for a while. Plus, didn't get hungover.' Chris jokes.

Pj huffs a laugh. His eyes begin to shut.

'What do you do while I sleep?'

Chris snorts.

Pj giggles. 'Not like that.' Pj adds.

Chris carries on smiling. 'I think. Normally I just work straight through the night and it's been nice having a break just to...hold you. It's been amazing.'

Pj's eyes are fully shut. His head rests gingerly on the side of Chris's chest.Chris looks down at him. His mouth not motivated to move much. His words are quiet.

'What do you think about?'

'The future. Training. I try to stay away from the past. It's best to not think about that too much.' Chris chuckles to fill space. 'I think about the next two weeks, after that. How best to get you all through it.'

'Do you think you will?'

Chris swallows.

'I don't know. There's so many variables. I just need to prepare you all and hope.' Chris's voice goes soft. 'In the meantime, I just want to have this. Time with you.'

'In case I don't make it?'

Chris allows himself a slanted smile.

'Pj, you can heal yourself. If either of us don't make it...' Chris trails off, allowing the meaning to be implied.

Pj opens his eyes. A small amount of hurt is visible in them.

'Try and live. For me.' Pj begs.

'Of course. I want this anyway. I was already going to try my fucking best.'

'Good. I'd be pissed if you left me. I was just starting to like you.'

Chris laughs.

'That's something else I do while you sleep. I watch you.'

Pj snorts. 'You watch me when I sleep?'

'In a family wholesome sense.' Pj snorts again. 'You're cute when you sleep.'

'You're pretty cute when you sleep.' Pj's drifting off, Chris can see it.

'At least I don't snore.' Chris jokes.

'Neither do I.' Pj scoffs.

'You do a little bit. But it's cute.'

'Shut up.' Pj softly says.

Chris smiles at him. Pulling him in a little tighter.

'Never.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj snores a little that night. Chris would find it annoying if he didn't find it an adorable distraction.

He knows he needs to not overthink. He needs to remain clam about the next two weeks. He needs to be relaxed on the front-line.

He needs to not worry about the person in his embrace.

With Pj there, it's easy to be calm.

That's a rare gift.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris leaves before Pj in the morning. Straight to Phil's room, Chris jumps on the bed until Phil wakes up.

Phil tries to tackle him.

Chris lays on the bed while Phil gets ready.

Phil is confused by just how bright Chris's aura is.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Where's Phil?' Dan asks as he walks in.

Chris snorts. 'Wouldn't you like to know?'

Dan rolls his eyes.

'Aw, someone's got a crush on Philly.' Tyler teases. Chris laughs.

'Stop bullying me.' Dan says. Chris chuckles. He sees Pj and Emma walk in. He smiles.

'Phil is trying to find a spare healer, so we can train Pj up later.'

Pj catches his eye, sharing eye contact for a long second.

'You changed your mind then?' Tyler questions. Shocked. 'You're normally more stubborn than that.'

Chris shrugs, breaking the eye contact.

'I did some thinking last night.'

Tyler frowns. 'Weren't you asleep last night?'

Chris doesn't flinch. 'Before that.'

Tyler nods. 'I thought you were probably getting fucked then.'

Chris snorts and splutters. Dan and Emma laugh. Pj's eyes fly wide.

'Why the fuck would you think that?' Chris chuckles.

'I have a list of evidence.'

Chris rolls his eyes, picking at his nails while looking at Tyler.

He sighs. 'I'm going to regret this. But while we wait for the others...what evidence?'

Tyler grins.

'Firstly-'

'Firstly? As in there's lots?'

Tyler nods. 'There's a few.'

Chris sighs again. He addresses the few other people in the room. 'If you guys want to sit down or warm up. Do it.'

Tyler coughs. 'Firstly, you're not as flirty as you normally are-'

'-Maybe I've grown as a person?'

'Fuck off.' Tyler retorts. Chris chuckles. 'I think you're not being as flirty because you've found yourself a fuck buddy.'

Chris laughs. 'A fuck buddy?'

Tyler glares at him. 'Because you're not really the secret boyfriend type.'

Chris laughs even harder. 'A fuck buddy.' He breathes, pink in the face.

'Is it not a fuck buddy?'

'I'm not sleeping with anyone.'

Tyler folds his arms. 'I don't believe you.'

'I'm not.'

Tyler starts smiling. 'You are.'

'Why did I let you do this?'

'Because you're one hundred percent banging someone.'

'I'm not.'

'I know you've got a thing for at least one person. I don't think that's the person you're banging though.' Chris sees Tyler look at Pj out of the corner of his eye. Chris rolls his eyes.

'Can't you just let me live my life?'

'No. I'm addicted to the drama.'

Chris snorts. 'Of course you are.'

'Plus, I kinda wanna meet your fuck buddy.'

Chris's eyebrows crease together. 'Why would you?'

'Because Phil keeps on saying how bright your aura is at the moment. I want to know if they have a friend for me.'

Chris chuckles. 'So happier than usual and less flirt means Chris is being sexed?'

'Yes.' Tyler states. More people walk in. 'It must be good too, or you'd be way more stressed out right now.'

Chris rolls his eyes. 'Me being calm is good. I can get more shit done this way.'

'Fuck more buddies?' Tyler suggests.

'I've not got a fuck buddy Tyler.'

'Do I believe you?'

'Yes?'

'No. No, I do not.'

'Is there any way I can convince you?'

Tyler smirks at him. 'You can let Phil read your mind.'

Chris looks at Tyler for a second. He opens his mouth, breathes in, and dramatically sighs.

Tyler continues to smirk.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Phil walks in to see all of his pupils training with the guns. As well as Tyler animatedly poking Chris in the side.

'Is this the troops then?' Hannah asks.

'Yup.' Phil answers.

'Which one's my healer?'

Phil points at Pj, who shoots the top of the target.

Hannah nods.

Chris finally notices them. Tyler is still poking him while watching the trainees.

'Not too busy then?' chris asks.

Tyler turns to look at them.

'HANNAH!'

Tyler runs to her, Hannah holding her arms out. Hannah nearly gets knocked over by the impact.

Chris sighs. 'Every time.'

Tyler and Hannah break apart.

'I've not been too busy. No fatal injuries.' She smiles. 'They could spare me.'

Chris nods. 'Good. We could use you.'

'It works for everyone.' Tyler shouts.

The others glare at him.

'Anyway...' Phil says. 'You know what's happening in a few weeks...They're sending these guys too.'

'Doesn't surprise me. What a bunch of dicks.'

A beat of quiet.

'These guys have only been here for a month.'

'Shit.'

'We know.' Chris responds. 'But we're going to get us through it.'

Hannah nods. 'I admire your dedication.'

'We have Pj here-' Chris gestures to him. '-who can heal himself. We need to see how far that can go and try and develop it.'

Hannah grimaces. 'It's a hard thing to train in two weeks. But we'll try, you don't get anywhere if you don't.'

'Optimism.' Chris states, smiling.

Hannah shrugs. 'I try to have it.' She rubs her hands together. 'When do we get started?'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris ushers Pj and Hannah into the meeting room, knowing that this could get messy. The others are also training with their abilities.

Hannah sits so she can talk directly to Pj. Gesturing with her hands as she speaks.

'Basically, most healers can heal themselves completely and others to an extent. There's exceptions but that mostly happens in water healers, not earth ones. We're both earth analyzers.' Pj nods along. Hannah grimaces. 'The only way we can see if there's a way to get you to heal quicker and maybe heal others, is to get you to repeatable injure yourself.'

'He's already healed someone else.' Chris interjects. Sitting a short distance away, watching them.

Hannah looks at Chris, and then back at Pj for an explanation.

Pj sighs.

'My sister. It was how I got triggered.'

Hannah frowns, a mark appearing on her forehead.

'I got triggered when I got sick as a child. It was probably for the best. I had a bit of a toxic upbringing.'

'I had a good one.' Pj says, sounding heartbroken. Chris wants to do nothing more than take him into his arms and shelter him. He's a bit surprised by it. Hannah has sympathy in her eyes. Pj looks at the floor.

'Pj, could you give me some more details about what triggered you?'

He looks up at her. Glaring.

'Why?'

'Pj, Hannah's trying to help.'

'Sorry.'

'No. It's valid. What initiated your ability is private, but it also does reflect on what your ability is. I need to know to try and help you more.'

Pj nods.

'My sister. She's called Eva. She got shot. I healed her.'

Hannah nods.

'I thought it might be something like that. It's not unheard of.'

Pj's eyes widen. 'Really?'

'It's more often that you get sick and get triggered by a miraculous healing, then they catch you because you were practically walking dead.'

'Walking dead?'

'My illness was terminal Pj.' Hannah answers.

Pj flinches.

'I'm sorry-'

'-I'm still here Pj. Don't apologize for asking questions.'

Pj smiles.

Hannah continues to talk. 'The people that get triggered healing other people tend to be better at that.' Hannah has a glint of mischief in her eyes. 'So we may have to hope that someone gets non-fatally injured so we can practice.'

Chris snorts. 'Hannah...' He scolds.

'Grumpy old man.' Hannah jokes.

Pj swallows. 'So, what's next?'

'Oh, I'm still asking you questions.'

'Okay.' Pj says, unsure.

'What injuries have you healed yourself from?'

'Pardon?'

'It'll help to now what sort of stuff your body is like a-okay with.'

'Um...'

'He healed himself from a hangover.' Chris answers.

Pj turns to look at Chris. Chris smirks at him.

'I healed my own bruises and cuts on my hands.' Pj adds.

'That it?'

_If we're keeping this acceptable for the kids._

'Yeah. Pretty much.'

'Does it hurt?'

_The sex?_

'I mean the healing.' Hannah explains.

Pj shakes his head. 'The injuries hurt but then it sort of-' Pj raises his hand, extending all of his fingers, he pulls it into a fist. '-Shuts up.'

Hannah nods ecstatically. 'I get that.'

Pj smiles. 'Thank you.'

Chris is realizing that he probably shouldn't have waited this long to introduce Pj to someone that knows his ability.

It was stupid and might kill him.

'I have one more question before we start.'

'Go on.'

'Your sister. Younger or older?'

Pj frowns. 'Older. Two years.'

'Huh. It's normally younger. More protective instinct.'

'We were always protective over each other.' Pj smiles. 'We all were.'

Hannah tucks some hair behind her ears.

'Maybe we'll get you back to them. They won't need you when the war ends.'

When the war ends. The words stick with Chris. Properly sinking in.

The war's ending. He'd been so caught up in the fact, that he'd ignored it completely.

His life got unpredictable all of a sudden.

What the fuck's up with that?

'You think I could go home?'

Hannah smiles. 'I wouldn't pin every hope on it. But maybe.'

'Maybe.' Pj repeats. 'Maybe is good.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj winces as the knife drags along his upper forearm. It begins to bleed.

Chris wants to puts an arm around him. Anything to comfort him. He settles for a hand on his leg. Could pass as platonic, if Hannah notices.

Pj shuts his eyes. Feeling his breathing get heavier. He can hear his heart beat.

The pain becomes number and number. When it 's not noticeable. Pj opens his eyes.

The cut has become a red line. Fading in brightness.

'Impressive. Impressive.' Hannah comments. 'Pretty quick as well.'

Pj frowns. 'It's not normally that quick.'

'The other things you had to heal of your own were smaller. It would take longer, less urgent.' Hannah says. 'Plus, you've been using your ability. It's probably gotten better with that.'

'Told you so.' Chris interrupts.

Pj rolls his eyes, turning to sass him. He starts to chuckle.

'I can't look at your face without laughing. Stop it.'

'You want me to stop having my face?' Chris questions, grinning.

'Yes.'

'I wouldn't mind you not having your face either.' Hannah adds.

'This is bullying.'

'You were being distracting.' Hannah retorts.

Hannah picks up another knife from the table. Pj flinches at the sight of it.

She smiles.

'Don't worry. It's not for you.'

She points the knife at her own arm.

Hannah speaks. 'I'm going to ask you to try and heal me. It's okay if you can't. I can heal me.'

Pj nods.

Hannah moves the knife, cutting her own skin. There's blood.

Pj focuses on it. Moving his hands to her arm.

Pj doesn't close his eyes. The cut continues to bleed.

Hannah watches his face.

'It's okay. I thought it would go like this. It makes sense.' Hannah reassures him.

Pj takes his hands off her arm. She fixes herself in a few seconds.

'Sorry.' Pj apologizes.

'It's understandable. Plus you did take some of the pain away.'

'I did?'

'You did.' Hannah turns to talk to Chris. 'I've got a theory.'

Chris frowns. 'What's your theory?'

Hannah rubs over where the cut was located while she speaks. A smile on her lips. She moves animatedly.

'It's happened before. You were triggered by someone you love being hurt right?'

Pj nods. 'Right.'

'It makes sense that you can heal yourself because your body is built to do that. It also makes sense that you can only properly heal people you really love.' Hannah shrugs. 'You just met me. So that makes sense too. We want to get you to be able to heal people you don't love.'

'Is it necessary?' Chris asks. His hand tightly gripping Pj's leg.

Hannah glares at him.

'When they first sent me to the front-line, I couldn't heal other people. You've been there Chris. If you knew you could stop some of the bloodshed, but couldn't do it because you weren't trained enough...It drives you insane.'

'I want to learn Chris.' Pj argues.

Chris sighs. 'Alright then. But I want to be here for the whole thing.'

The other two nod. Looking like children.

'Let's try again.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

At the end of the session, Hannah and Pj both have arms covered in blood, but are void of scars or marks.

Hannah washes her arm quickly and leaves to talk to Tyler.

Pj puts his arm under the stream of water from the sink in the corner.

Chris looks at the door, locking it with his ability.

'How was that?' Chris asks, walking to Pj.

Pj's blood is mixing with the water, going down the plug.

'Good.' Pj answers, his voice quiet.

Chris raises his eyebrows. 'Details?'

'It was good. I feel better now I know more. I'm just super exhausted.'

Chris puts his hand over the top of his arm, moving his hand lightly down, rubbing away most of the red.

Chris frowns. 'You're cold.'

'Am I?' Pj says.

Chris nods, eyes wide.

Pj shrugs. 'I guess I've lost some blood.'

Chris chuckles. 'You think?'

Pj smiles. 'I'll be fine.'

'Yeah, you will. We're going to get you to bed soon so you can sleep this off.'

Pj smirks. 'Is that the only reason?'

Chris rolls his eyes. 'Well it was going to be.' Chris jokes. 'You do need sleep though. Especially if you're doing this again tomorrow.'

Pj nods, his smile coming away.

'Eleven days left.'

Chris's smile dies. His whole body seizing up at the thought of going back to that place. The thought of the people under his protection being in danger. At not being able to save everyone. Not being able to watch Phil.

'Oh god...'

Pj nods, thinking he understands.

Chris knows that he doesn't understand. He won't understand until he's there. Until he sees gunfire and blood, fire and smoke, death.

And with every single soldier that both sides possess...

'It's going to be carnage.' Chris states. Stopping his body from shaking, Trying to keep his breathing level. 'How the fuck am I going to save everyone?'

Pj grimaces. The blood is gone. He turns off the tap.

'I don't know.'

Chris shudders. 'You can all defend yourselves to an extent but none of you are at the standard you should be...I don't know what to do. They'll send you no matter what. They've made a decision. They'll stick to it.'

'Have you ever met them?'

'No. I don't even know who they are.' Chris says.

'That sucks.'

'That was eloquent.' Chris jokes. The smile coming back.

'I didn't even think you'd know what eloquent meant.'

'You calling me stupid?'

'Nah. I wouldn't risk it.'

'You'd better not. I'd fuck you up.'

'You already do.'

Chris laughs, thinks about it, and continues to laugh.

Pj beams at him.

Their future is forgotten.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Isn't Tyler going to get really suspicious?'

Chris moves the dresser across his bedroom door. The improvised lock has become a standard. It makes him chuckle.

'Tyler won't ask anymore questions.' Chris responds with confidence.

Pj frowns. 'How do you know?'

'Because he's not stupid. Plus, he already thinks he's right.'

Chris walks to the bed. Pj is already laying on it. Chris throws himself onto it, making Pj chuckle.

'Does he think it's me?'

'Nah. He thinks I'm more restricted than that.'

'More restricted?' P inquires.

'He thinks I would have avoided you because I'm technically your teacher and relationships aren't always the best idea in a place like this... ' Chris explains.

'I like our relationship.' Pj whispers.

Chris smiles. 'I like it too. Besides it's different for us...'

'How?'

'Because we won't let it get messy.'

Chris brings their lips together and they distract themselves once more.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj falls asleep in Chris's arms again a few hours later.

He leaves Chris alone with his thoughts.

It's starting to hit Chris that this is real.

He has eleven days of training before his students are being sent to fight to the death, before they walk in his footsteps.

It may be the last footsteps that they ever take. Chris might not be able to stop it.

Even the trained people aren't safe. His friends.

Phil's not fought for years. Luke hasn't either.

Even the more experienced ones will have never been in anything of this scale. Chris hasn't been in a fully fledged fight.

He knows the plans. They want the abnormals to slash the other sides numbers and then the humans to sneak to the other nation and take it.

This will end the war.

The other side will have a similar plan.Both of them rely on some annihilation. There's no way to escape this unscathed.

He watches Pj. His chest raising and falling. Face relaxed. Warmer than he should be.

_He needs to live._

Chris nods.Releasing a shaky breath.

_He lives. Phil lives. Dan lives. Emma, Zoe, Troye. They live._

Chris smiles.

_I don't deserve it. They do._

Chris closes his eyes. Satisfied with his own conclusion.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The next day is a repeat to begin with.

Chris can see the fear starting to sink into people. People turning up earlier with larger bags under their eyes. More laughter to try and keep their feelings away.

Pj still can't heal Hannah. She manages to joke about it. Otherwise, Chris thinks he'd be getting incredibly frustrated.

It's halfway through the gun section that Chris feels the headache.

His hands immediately fly to his head. The targets stop moving.

He feels Phil's arms around him and then the world goes dark. He crashes asleep once more.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris wakes up slowly, aware of the presence of someone else in his bed.

He isn't surprised to see Pj sleeping next to him.

Chris finds Pj's hand resting on the pillow beside him. He leans over and presses his lips to it. Unaware and uncaring as to what the time is.

His thoughts are good. Everything is good. This is good.

Ten days.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj wakes up a short while after Chris. Chris smiles at him.

'So what happened?'

Pj nods. 'Phil caught you. He left Tyler in charge. Tyler taught us how to use grenades.'

Chris rolls his eyes.

'I'm teaching you to be defensive not offensive. If you go on offense, you'll get slaughtered.'

'He just taught us as a back up plan. And because he couldn't get the targets to move.' Pj shrugs. 'Louise helped get you here.' Pj grimaces. 'I hate it when you do that.'

'Do what?' Chris frowns.

'Hit the fucking deck.' Pj states.

'Oh, that.' Chris bites his lip. 'I can't really help that.'

'I know. Still sucks.' Pj tries to smile.

Chris reaches out and takes him into his arms, not surprised to find him topless.

'I'm sorry.' Chris presses a kiss to his forehead.

Pj closes his eyes. 'I'm just glad you're okay.'

'I'm okay. I'm always okay.' Chris reassures him.

'It scares me.' Pj admits. 'I came in here to check on you last night and then I couldn't just leave you.'

'I'm not going to leave you.' Chris grins. 'Unless you want me to.'

'Don't leave me.' Pj digs his face into the crook of Chris's neck.

Chris smiles down at him. Holding him tighter again.

'Of course I won't sweetheart.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'You're not dead!' Tyler shouts as Chris walks into the training room.

Chris nods. 'Always a good thing.'

Tyler runs and hugs him. Chris takes a second to return the hug.

'Were you worried Tyler?' Phil teases from his original spot. Chris isn't surprised to see that everyone is already there. He spots Pj within a few seconds. He's talking to Troye. Chris represses a smile when he spots Connor watching them too.

'I've not seen you actually do it before.' Tyler comes away from the hug.

Pj overhears and smirks, it makes Chris feel like his.

Chris frowns. 'I guess you haven't.'

'I've seen Phil carrying you back before though.'

Chris sighs. He walks into the room. Tyler alongside him.

'Phil, you need to stop picking me up all the time.'

Phil shrugs. 'Am I supposed to leave you on the ground?'

'To protect my honor, yes you are.'

'Doesn't your honor get damaged when you start to drool?' Connor retorts.

'Don't gang up on me!'

Phil raises an eyebrow.

'We don't have to. We just have to wait until you collapse next.' Phil deadpans.

There's chuckles around the room. Chris lets out a choked surprised laugh.

'Slay him!' Tyler comments.

Chris rolls his eyes.

'Alright. You can pick me up. I'm just going to be annoyed about it.' Chris looks at everyone. 'Guns?'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris is pleased to see that all his students know how to load a gun, in semi-decent time.

Chris walks along the backs of his pupils while they shoot, occasionally stopping to correct them.

'Try and keep your stances defensive. That's what you're doing.' Chris adds as an afterthought. 'And don't try that 'offense is the best defense' shit on me, you're wrong.'

Pj can't help himself.

'Isn't that what the government is doing?' Pj retorts.

Chris glares at him.

'The government has more experience than you.'

Pj laughs. Chris moves to him. Turning his head until he's facing the right direction with gentle touches.

'I have plenty of experience.' Pj jokes.

'Not as much as I'd like.' Chris chuckles. 'Train. You can banter later.'

'Don't shoot and bant.' Dan adds.

Chris frowns. 'Surely that was bants.'

'Can we stop talking about bants?' Phil suggests.

Dan shakes his head.

'Never.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Tyler's helping out Emma. Chris picks up a spare gun and attempts to put it away.

Chris looks down at gun and sees the front-line. He sees blood. Death. Future decay.

He seizes up, dropping the weapon. It lands silently.

Chris looks at his pupils.

His mind feels the need to tell him that they're going to wind up as broken as him.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'I think you're improving.' Hannah smiles. 'That barely hurt.'

Pj frowns and shakes his head. 'It's because I'm starting to like you. I'm not getting better.'

Hannah carries on smiling.

'Is you liking me as a person a bad thing?'

'Well...no.'

'Then, it's an improvement.'

Pj snorts. 'I'm supposed to be improving my ability.'

'We'll get there.' Hannah reassures him.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Hannah leaves before Pj again. Chris moves to the taps, helping him wash away the mess.

'Not so much blood this time.'

Pj nods. 'We cut me less.'

'You're not as cold either.'

'Obviously.'

'It's good Pj.' Chris whispers. 'I don't like seeing you hurt.'

Pj turns off the tap.

'You don't like seeing anyone in pain.'

Chris shrugs. 'I don't think that's true-'

'-The first thing you said when you revealed yourself on the first day was that Troye needed to eat something. Then, you didn't let him waste any energy.'

'That's just decency.'

'It's a part of being human Chris. Not liking to see people in pain.'

'I'm not human.' Chris responds.

Pj smiles. 'You're more human than you think you are.'

Chris blinks at him.

'Pj. I don't like seeing you in pain because I feel the selfish need to protect you.'

Pj glares at him.

'Like if Dan's powers and mine were switched, you wouldn't be in here with him.'

Chris frowns. 'I-'

'You would. I know you.'

Chris scoffs. 'You've known me a month.'

'It's been a pretty eventful month. I say you probably know me pretty well.'

Chris shakes his head.

'You never know someone until the front-line.'

Pj laughs. 'How very soldier of you?'

Chris shrugs. 'You've never seen me kill a man. I've been drenched in blood Pj. You've dressed me up into something nice in your head.'

Pj swallows, eyes wide.

'I think you can be you, and be nice. Phil and Tyler super think so too.'

'Phil and Tyler aren't in a romantic relationship with me.' Chris retorts.

'I know. Which is probably why you should stop being cryptic and talk to me.'

Pj reaches out for his hand. Chris flinches and lets him take it.

'I'm just scared Pj.'

Pj breathes out deeply. 'Of what?

'That we're all going to die. That you're going to die. That you're going to think I'm a monster.-' Because I am. '-That I won't be able to keep a single promise. That the war is going to end...' Chris starts to hyperventilate. 'I'm never going to be free am I? You're all new, and that means you're lovable and innocent. I'm not innocent. I'm never getting out?'

Pj's mouth is open.

'I don't know.'

He pulls Chris's body into his, putting arms around him, trying to be his sanctuary, to keep him safe for once.

He's not sure if anyone has ever tried to protect Chris before.

'I don't know Chris.' Pj repeats.

Chris tucks his face into Pj's neck. That strange feeling coming back in his chest, lighting him up, taking some of the darkness away.

'Thank you. I just get a bit...sometimes.'

'I know you do. It's okay.' Pj kisses the side of his head. 'It's always going to be okay.' He whispers.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

It's late. The roof had been cold. It'd began to rain, giving Chris an excuse to leave.

Of course, Pj is already in Chris's bed.

Chris moves the dresser over without even looking. He takes his shoes off. He determines his slightly damp clothes as being acceptable.

Chris tells him funny stories until Pj falls asleep.

It's one of the most beautiful things Chris has ever seen.

Nine days.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris knows that something is up the second he walks into the training room the next morning.

'Chris!' Tyler shouts. 'They took Phil and Luke.'

Chris's eyes widen.

'What?'

'Just now. Apparently some soldiers tried to break through defense into the city while our numbers are down.' Tyler rolls his eyes. 'They failed of course. The leader is being questioned.'

Chris's eyebrows raise. 'By Luke and Phil?'

Tyler nods.

Chris grimaces. 'Poor son of a bitch.'

'Not one for torture Chris?' Tyler says. His smile doesn't spread to his eyes. The room is filled with quiet murmurs. Everyone is present.

'No. Death over capture. Always has been.'

Tyler nods. 'Not even in the bedroom?'

Chris snorts. 'That's a different story.' Chris forces himself to smile. 'We can train with the people we've got here. Let's get started.'

Tyler nods. 'I'll be your Phil for the day.'

Chris flinches. 'You're not the one who's going to have to sort him out tonight.'

Chris is surprised when Tyler doesn't make a joke.

'I don't think he'd want me to see that.'

'I don't think he likes me seeing it. But someone has to.'

Tyler closes his eyes. 'Is it really that bad?'

'Depends.' Chris answers. 'I've seen him do some shit Tyler.'

Tyler opens his eyes again. 'I don't want to know do I?'

'No. You don't.' Chris shudders. 'Let's go.'

Chris walks off. Tyler runs after him.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Luke taps his fingers her left temple.

Her face lifts. Her open screaming mouth, switches to a youth filled smile. Her eyes search whatever gift Luke has given her.

She's bloody, and covered in sweat. Her uniform is ripped, and dirty.

Phil fumbles in his pocket.

Her eyes are the same colour as Dan's, dark brown.

Phil shoots her between the eyes.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris had looked worried through the whole day.

It was easy to see. Chris wasn't hiding it. Pj noticed quickly.

Now the day is almost over, Hannah just left the room. Pj's washing the blood off again, even less this time. His own healing has improved. He still isn't having any luck healing Hannah.

Chris walks to the sink.

'You okay?' Pj asks.

Chris shrugs. 'It's just Phil. He'll be in a state tonight. Always is after he...'

Pj frowns. 'Isn't he used to it?'

'Special thing about Phil. He still hates it enough to get bothered by it.’

'You get bothered by it.' Pj points out. 'You wouldn't keep the details so secret if you weren't.'

Chris laughs. 'I'm not exactly proud. But Phil... Phil drives himself up the wall over it. He hates it. He hates himself because of it.' Chris whispers. 'It's not exactly like I like me that much. Nobody likes themselves here.'

'I like you.' Pj says. The words slipping out.

Chris smiles. 'That's one person.'

'Just the whole world left to go?' Pj suggests.

Chris laughs.

'I'll be the emperor. You can be my prince.'

Pj snorts. 'I'm the queen.'

Chris blocks the door to the gym with his ability.

He reaches out and pulls Pj in for a kiss.

Brushes of lips slow down Chris's world for a moment. The panic leaves.

They break apart with heavy breathing. They rest their foreheads together.

'You can go straight to my room tonight if you want, but I'm going to be with Phil for a while.'

Pj nods. He pecks him once more on the lips.

'What if I get caught?' Pj asks.

'Block the door. You can unblock it when I get there.'

Pj laughs. 'And if I fall asleep.'

'Then I'll telekinesis that bitch and come wake your butt up myself.'

'Wake my butt up?'

'Well I'd get consent first.' Chris winks.

Pj giggles. They come apart. Pj runs his arm under the tap for a second, to defer suspicion. They walk into the other room.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The room is dark. The open window lets in a harsh wind and plenty of rain. Chris shuts it.

Chris hears a whimpering. He turns and scans the whole of Phil's room.

His eyes settle on the wardrobe.

Chris has to fight back tears.

'Oh Philly...'

Chris exhales. Walking forward with gentle step.

He opens the doors. One at a time.

Revealing Phil like a packaged present.

Phil looks at his hands. Both of them are red from rawness.

'If the doors are closed they can't find me.' Phil whispers. 'The war will be over and our guilt gone. The others will be free.'

Chris bites on his lip.

'We could be free too Buddy.' He says, sounding fake to his own ears.

Phil looks up at him. Curled up.

'Our freedom comes in death. We deserve it.' Phil rocks himself. 'We're sick. We're wrong in the head.' Phil's eyes go wide.

'What Phil?'

Chris lowers himself to the ground. Sitting cross legged next to Phil. Chris reaches out and takes his hand.

Phil smiles.

'She was born on a stormy night. Her mother always told her that she was a storm. She started as she meant to go on. She was born in a small village outside the capital of the other nation. She liked yellow growing up, then purple, then yellow again. Her first kiss was at the age of twelve. She was good at school. She dreamed of being a war hero. When she was eighteen, she become one. She went up and up in the army. On the front-line almost as many times as you Chris.'

Chris frowns.

'What-'

'They promoted her three years ago. This was her second ever mission run solely by herself. Her soldiers were her men. She didn't know that abnormals were real.' Phil stops smiling. His face contorting. He digs it into her knees. 'She confessed her knowledge three hours ago and got a bullet in the head an hour later. Luke let her see her village once more.' Phil closes his eyes.

Chris squeezes his hand.

Chris grimaces.

'Philly, have you taken your pills?'

Phil shakes his head.

'Would you take at least the sleeping ones?' Chris asks.

Phil opens his eyes. He nods.

Chris holds out his hand. One of Phil's drawers fly open. The box lands in Chris's hand.

'Ta-da' Chris sings. Phil smiles, it's small.

Chris passes the box to Phil. Phil opens it, picking out two of the small white medications. Phil crunches on the first one and swallows. Closing his eyes as he repeats the process.

'Okay.' Chris says. 'Do you want to get into your bed? I promise that the big door will protect you too.'

Phil nods again. Chris stands up. He pulls Phil to his feet. Walking him over to the bed.

Phil moves under the covers. Laying down. Chris lays next to him above the covers. Phil's eyes shut.

'I hate this life.' Phil splutters. 'I was enjoying training but now we're... It's so messed up.'

'I know Philly.' Chris looks at him. 'Just think good thoughts tonight. For your own sake.'

Phil snorts. 'Such as?'

Chris looks up as he thinks.

'The war's nearly over. Our lives are going to change. Our students are kick-ass. We've got friends and people to kiss if we want to.' Chris stops listing.

'Who have I got to kiss?' Phil questions. 'Who have you got to kiss?'

Chris smiles when Phil gets derailed, as he'd intended.

'Maybe a certain pupil that definitely likes you. And I'm pretty sure you like them back.' Chris teases.

Phil's features start to relax.

'I'm not going to kiss him.' Phil states.

Chris swallows.

'We could be dead in two weeks Philly and so could they. If you have something worth going for, take the risk.'

Phil's eyes open.

'Take a risk?'

Chris laughs and nods. 'Yes.'

'Who are you and what have you done with Chris?'

Chris smiles.

'I'm me. I've just had a learning curve recently.'

Phil giggles before shutting his eyes again.

'Really?'

'Yeah. I went out on that mission and thought, I should really start to live now. I didn't have a lot to regret leaving behind.'

'So you're living now?'

'I'm going to try.' Chris laughs. 'Could be fun.' Chris smiles at him. 'You calming down?'

'Yeah.'

'Want me to stay until you fall asleep?'

'Yes please.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Phil falls into sleep an hour later. Chris kisses the top of his head before leaving.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris knocks the door twice.

'It's me.'

Chris hears footsteps and the movement of furniture. He smiles as the door opens.

Pj leans against the door frame.

'Where have I seen you before?'

Chris rolls his eyes.

'Ha fucking ha.'

Chris pushes past him. Pj shuts the door.

Chris turns to Pj. He surprises both of them. Instead of pulling Pj in for a kiss, he pulls him in for a hug. Pj accepts it. Squeezing Chris.

'Is Phil alright?' Pj questions.

Chris nods. Finding comfort in the scent of his boyfriend.

'Yeah. I've seen him get a lot worse over a lot less. He's sleeping. The pills should keep him down for hours. Give him tomorrow to heal over and he'll be okay.'

'He was okay with the pills?'

'He always is with the sleeping ones. It's the other ones he has more of an issue with. They act like alcohol does with my ability.'

Pj frowns. 'What?'

'They shortcut his power. Mean it switches off. Drink lets me sleep normally. Those drugs mean Phil can feel normal for a day.'

They start to part from the hug. Chris grabbing Pj's hand as they go to the bed. Both of them too exhausted to repeat their activities from that morning.

'Would the drugs work on you too?' Pj inquires. Chris shrugs.

'Never had a reason to find out.'

Chris climbs under the sheets, holding out an arm for Pj.

Pj tucks himself into Chris's side.

'Are you even going to sleep tonight?'

Chris laughs. 'Nope, but I'm starting to get a killer fucking headache and I need a rest.'

'Wait...'

Pj kisses the side of his head.

'There.' Pj finishes. 'Better?'

Chris grins at him.

'Tons. Goofball.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Watching Pj fall asleep and stay asleep is as mystical as it's always been.

Chris watches with a sense of regret, panic and awe.

He regrets that they haven't been doing this since the beginning. Since day one. Before time. That they both had to go through so much for something so simple and carefree.

He's swimming in panic, because it's just over a week left before Pj's fate is unforeseeable; as well as his own, No matter how much they try.

His awe is obvious. That Pj is young and creative and funny. That Chris actually cares about him. That this isn't just sex.

The first two seem smaller and the last one larger as the night passes into morning.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj eyes open slowly. His face twitching awake. Chris smiles.

'Good morning.'

Pj smiles back. 'Yeah. It is.'

'Did you have a good dream?' Chris asks.

'Yeah. A really good one.' Pj grins. Chris is only just noticing how messed up Pj's hair is. 'I was in the mountains, but everyone was there. And it was fun and we weren't going anywhere.'

'We were just sort of existing?'

'Yeah.'

Chris grins. 'Sounds brilliant.'

'Dan was half naked for no reason.'

Chris's eyebrows shoot up.

'Do you want to fuck Dan too?'

Pj rolls his eyes. 'Seriously?'

Chris giggles. 'What? We would have a great threesome.'

'And Phil wouldn't complain at all.'

Chris shrugs. 'Not if we took care of him too.'

'Are you suggesting an orgy?' Pj questions.

Chris snorts. 'Orgies are hard. Maybe a strategic foursome.'

'The most strategic of super weird foursomes.'

'Sounds like us.'

Pj laughs. 'Don't tell Phil about this.'

'Oh, what am I going to say? _'Phil, me and my secret boyfriend where discussing having a foursome about you earlier, You want in?'._ '

Pj carries on laughing. 'I'm pretty happy just having sex with you.'

Chris smiles at him. 'Good. That helps.'

Pj smirks at him. 'Speaking of which...'

Pj shortens the distance between them. Chris ignores the taste of their combined morning breath.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris kisses Pj goodbye, walking out of his room, and straight into Phil.

'Just over a week before we go.' Phil says.

Chris nods.

'We're going to have to give them the full talk soon.' Phil adds. 'Details.'

Chris nods again. 'Tomorrow. It'll get them more focused for the week ahead.' Chris laughs. 'I'll even think up a speech.'

Phil smiles at him. The two begin to walk.

'Did you sleep last night?' Chris asks.

'Yeah. Woke up about half an hour ago.'

'Do you feel better?'

Phil shrugs. 'A little bit. I'm more stable now.'

Chris nods. 'Good. You ready to train some nerds?'

Phil giggles. 'Always.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Phil and Chris are the first ones there as always. They get out the guns.

They spar to pass the time.

Tyler enters the room to see Chris cartwheeling away from Phil, stopping, crouching, and sweeping Phil's legs out from under him.

'That's rude.' Tyler calls out.

Phil makes the mistake of turning to look at Tyler. Chris grabs his arm and twists it behind him. He forces him to the ground, using his knees to pin him.

Phil talks into the floor.

'That's rude too.' Phil moans.

'Concede then.' Chris retorts.

'You know when you say you aren't competitive...'

'I'm stressed.'

'You're not that stressed.' Tyler interrupts.

Phil sighs. He tries to escape the lock but ends up getting pushed further into the ground.

'I can do this all day.' Chris laughs.

Phil groans. 'How do you always win this?'

'Because I'm a sneaky bitch.'

'Ain't that the truth.' Tyler chuckles.

Chris glares at him.

'Don't make me pin you too Tyler.'

'Maybe that's what I'm aiming for.' Tyler grins.

Chris laughs.

Phil sighs again.

'I concede.'

Chris rolls off him. He sees Pj and the others walk in. Pj smiles at him and he smiles back.

Movement. Chris is on the ground. Looking up. He sees Phil trying to pin him with a smile on his face.

Chris brings his legs up. Wrapping them around Phil's neck. He twists.

Phil and Chris spin over repeatedly. Both of them trying for the advantage.. Phil ending up on the ground. Then it's Chris again. Chris gets his arms free. He pulls Phil's hands into his grasp.

Tyler watches with wide eyes.

Chris stabilizes the two of them, leaving himself on top. Phil struggles to turn over. Chris jumps up. Phil tries copy him, halfway into the air when Chris kicks him down. Chris kneels at Phil's side and flips him over, onto his front. He grabs his hands again.

Phil cries out. Forcing himself back onto the ground to cure his own pain. Chris pins him by climbing onto his back and, using his body weight and the grip of Phil's arms, secures him.

Chris smirks.

'That was cheating Philly. You conceded.'

Phil laughs. 'Fuck you. I almost had it.'

Chris gasps. 'Swearing is bad Philly. It's been a few weeks since you've done it.'

'You aggravate me.'

'It's in my nature.'

'Giving up isn't in mine.'

'Yet, I'm not the one on the ground.'

'I fricking hate you.'

'That's better.' Chris taunts. 'What happened to the swears Phil?'

'They grew up. Just like you never did.'

'Well that's getting personal.' Chris laughs.

Phil chuckles.

'Actually to be honest, it was more like you were never young.'

'That's better.’ Chris grins. ‘You want to give up now?'

Chris readjusts his grip on Phil's arms, holding them both with one hand.

'Never' Phil tries to get back up. Chris throws his spare hand onto his right shoulder, forcing him back down. The wind gets blown out of Phil's body.

'Phil, you're not a fucking dumb shit. Give up so we can get on with this.'

Phil whispers.

'I concede.'

'Good. Don't try anything.'

Chris lets go of his hands. Standing up. Phil remains between his legs. Chris moves his left foot over his body.

'Do you want a hand up?'

Phil groans. 'No.'

Chris shrugs. Taking steps backwards so that Phil doesn't try to sweep him.

Tyler's eyes are wide, his eyebrows high.

'What?' Chris questions.

'If that's what the two of you are like fighting, imagine the sex.'

'What? Violent with taunting?'

'Pretty damn athletic. When did you learn all that shit Chris?'

Chris smirks. 'Wouldn't you like to know.'

Tyler laughs. Chris looks around the room. All the pupils are there. As well as Louise who is talking to Zoe. Tyler looks with him.

'I think this is everyone for now. Joe, Luke, and Cas have their debriefs today. Connor's coming in an hour, he wanted to swim. Hannah's needed in medical this morning. Some last checks on someone as far as I know.'

Chris nods. 'That's cool. I just need everyone here at least one night next week.'

'Strategy?'

'Yeah.' Chris smiles. He looks back at his pupils. 'We'll get these fuckers through this alive.'

'Pinky promise?' Tyler jokes.

'I'll try my best.'

'You always do.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Of course, his pupils don't know that Chris has been slowly speeding the targets up throughout the last week of training.

So logically, the only two people that can see how much the pupils are improving are Chris and Phil. Chris intends on telling them about it tomorrow.

Chris is also aware of their progress in use of abilities.

It's good. Anything to help defend them.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Hannah turns up looking exhausted.

Chris sends her straight to her room.

She nearly collapses on her way out of the door. Tyler grabs her, helping her back.

Chris watches them go with concern in his eyes. He shakes it off.

'I think you're just going to have to train with Zoe for today Pj.'

Pj nods, he expected it.

Pj walks away to explain the situation.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris feels himself rubbing at his forehead. He's watching Dan and Mitchell. Dan having grown confident with the fire again, he still can't summon it.

Dan grins manically as the flames claim his feet. Feeling alive once more.

Chris groans.

He blacks out once more. Louise runs and catches him, stopping him from splitting his head open.

'Phil!' Louise shouts.

There's distant swearing from him as he sees what's happened. Phil sprints over.

'He's getting more frequent again.' Phil states. 'Did he hurt himself?'

Phil does the routine check of his pulse.

'It makes sense.' Louise responds. 'He's stressed.'

Phil laughs. 'He's always stressed. He's Chris.'

Louise gently removes her hands from Chris's shoulders.

Phil smiles down at him.

'Let's get you to bed.'

Tyler walks over. He frowns.

'This doesn't add up.'

Phil shrugs. 'It happens. Sometimes it's more-'

'-No. He's been different recently. He's lied to us.'

Phil rolls his eyes. 'No, he hasn't.'

'But he did this that night...and then he did it the day after. And here we are two days later.'

Pj's heart is beating hard in his chest. Most of the room has stopped working to watch Phil's reaction.

Phil bites his lips and looks down at the sleeping Chris.

'But he doesn't lie to me...'

Pj's heart constricts in his chest. He feels tight with guilt.

Tyler grins.

'He’s got a fuck buddy.'

There's a series of groans from the more experienced abnormals.

Tyler laughs.

'What? He was definitely asleep for the other two black outs because we all saw it. That night is the weak link.' Tyler defends.

'How do we know that Chris's side effects aren't just getting worse?' Phil argues. 'We also can't leave him here forever.'

Louise looks at the rest of the watching group.

She sees Pj with wide eyes. He practically screams panic.

 _Oh, that's where Chris has been._  It all adds up in Louise's head, and she wants to help them.

'Phil has a point.' Louise contributes. 'We should probably get him to his room. And probably leave him to his own business.' She clutches to the bottom of her shirt.

'But Louise...He could be hurting himself.'

Louise laughs. 'Tyler, you probably just want some drama to gossip about.' She retorts. 'And if anything, he's drinking.'

Tyler glares at her, it turns into a smirk.

'Liar.'

Louise huffs. 'What?'

'Your tells were obvious.' Tyler addresses the room. 'Darting eyes, sweating palms, grasping hands. Was it just me that noticed the 'probably' or am I wrong?'

Phil sighs.

'I noticed the probably.'

'I did too.' Connor calls out.

Louise glares at Tyler.

'Alright. I know where he's been-' Louise confesses. Pj's eyes are wide. He swallows, hands clammy. '-and he's fine. He's safe. This isn't any of our business.'

Phil frowns. 'How do you know?'

Louise laughs. It's bitter.

'He told me.'

'Why?'

'Why do you think? He was trying to ground me.'

There's a silence.

'Ground you?' Dan asks. The older abnormals freeze.

Louise looks at Dan.

Dan's seen so little. He's old and innocent. His eyes wide and unused.

She forces a smile for him.

'He told me his list of reasons he wanted to live, so I wouldn't go on a vengeance spree and kill us both. He kept me as stable as possible, he kept me grounded. The place he's been going was his second reason. Leave it alone.' Louise addresses Tyler. 'It's not hurting anyone.'

Tyler nods. 'Okay.'

'Good-'

'I'm more interested in what it is now but I will leave it. Take him to his room Philly. Everyone else get back to training'

Phil bends over and pulls Chris into his arms. Chris clings to him.

Pj smiles. He feels eyes. He catches Louise laughing at him.

Pj shrugs a smile in response. He returns to training.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

They sit outside their bedrooms.

'One time, I stole an inhaler from a classmate, overdosed on it, and threw up in a bush.'

Pj laughs hysterically, leaning on Dan as he does so. Dan wipes away a tear.

'Troye wins.'

Troye smugly smiles.

'I should do.'

Pj yawns.

'Should we end the night there?' Emma asks. The students are sitting in a circle. Cards abandoned on the central table.

The rest of them nod. Zoe piles the cards.

Pj puts his chair down first, returning it to it's normal place.

Then Dan, then Emma, then Troye and lastly, Zoe.

Each placement of furniture feels heavy on the mood.

Pj watches all of them and realizes that they may not need five chairs in a week.

Dan watches and realizes they may need none.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Night guys.'

'Night.'

'See you tomorrow.'

'It's not exactly like we're fucking going anywhere Dan. Night.'

'Goodnight everyone!'

Door after door shuts. Pj laughs at Emma.

Pj showers, changing into comfortable clothes.

Pj sits on his bed for a few minutes, watching the clock.

He doesn't even lie to himself about where he's going to go.

He hasn't heard a noise in a few minutes. He cracks open the door.

Nothing.

He steps out, silently shutting it behind him.

He tiptoes across the hallway.

The tiptoe turns into a walk.

He has to stop the walk from turning into a run.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Dan doesn't sleep.

He lays and worries. Images flash through his head.

Flames. Death. Betrayal. Phil.

Over and over.

Until eventually they all merge into one.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj doesn't pause before entering Chris's room.

He checks the room. It's just Chris.

Pj pulls the dresser in front of the door.

He walks to the bed. He takes off his shirt.

He climbs in. Curling into Chris. He's laying on his back. Pj puts a hand on his chest.

'You passed out and nearly gave me a heart attack.' Pj closes his eyes. 'Louise confirmed that you're up to something. Tomorrow should either go super smoothly or be hell for you' Pj smiles. 'I hope it's the first one. It'd be...amazing.'

Chris doesn't react.

Pj giggles.

'Goodnight Chris.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Everyone gossiped about you.' Pj says upon waking up and finding Chris with his eyes open.

Chris's eyebrows raise. 'Did they?'

'I panicked. I think Louise noticed and saved me.'

Chris smiles. 'That sounds like Louise.'

'She knows doesn't she?'

Chris nods.

'I told her when we got attacked.'

'She said you were trying to ground her.'

'She wasn't particularly happy.' Chris laughs. 'Neither was I. Wasn't the best day.'

'What did you tell her?'

Chris smiles.

'That I wanted to live. Because I had to take care of Phil.' Chris shrugs. 'And because I wanted this.'

Pj's eyebrows raise.

'That managed to convince her?'

'Of course it did. Louise just wants everyone to be happy.'

'Don't you?'

Chris huffs. 'I'm a little bit more selfish.'

'No one's perfect.'

Chris smiles at Pj.

'So did Louise out me?'

'She said you're up to something. No specific _'He's fucking that guy'_. So I think you're fine.'

Chris rolls his eyes. 'Tyler's going to be a pain.'

Pj frowns. 'Why?'

'He's getting scared. He'll obsess over this because it's a way to distract himself.'

'That's a problem.'

'No one's perfect.' Chris repeats. 'He honestly does try and he does care. It's his way of dealing.'

'What's yours?' Pj asks.

'Except from fucking you?'

'Apart from that.'

Chris nods.

'I get weirdly protective of Phil and if it's bad, the others. I shut people down and get like irrationally angry at nothing.'

'Isn't that just you all the time?'

Chris hits him with a pillow.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Chrissy!' Tyler shouts.

'Don't call me that.'

'You need to tell me what's up, it's driving me fucking nuts.'

Chris risks eye contact with Pj. He can see Pj repressing a laugh.

'I hear that you left me on the ground to argue over it. So you're never going to know.'

Tyler has the face of a child that has been denied their favorite sweet.

'But DAAAAD!'

'I'm not your father.'

'Oh please. I've spent more time with you than my actual father. You fucking could be.'

Chris snorts. Face to face with Tyler now. They smile at each other.

They high five.

'Neither of us had a childhood!'

'Yeah!'

They laugh. The people listening feel the words as a physical sting.

'I think we'll do abilities for two hours. Guns for one. Hour of knives and then we'll quit early so Phil and I can give them the talk.'

Tyler nods. 'Got it. The sex talk?'

Chris laughs. 'Always use a condom.'

'Pinch the top.'

'Wrap it before you tap it.'

'Preparation is key.'

'Preparation is fun.'

'That's not the talk. That's just sex tips.'

Chris scoffs. 'Well excuse me for wanting everyone to have a good time.'

'I could show you a good time.'

Chris giggles. 'Bless you Tyler.'

'Lord above. I have sinned.' Tyler jokes.

'Haven't we all?'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Louise hadn't shown up that morning.

Chris really should have figured it out.

'Chris Kendall!'

Chris hears his voice, spins, smiles, and runs to him.

'Jack!'

He using a crutch. His smile wide and toothy. His glasses cracked.

Chris hugs him. Louise watches with a wide smile.

Chris breaks off the embrace to hug Dean.

'Louise didn't tell me you're both okay.' Chris smiles.

Jack grimaces. 'Um...I'm not going to be able to walk without this-' He gestures to his crutch- 'For at least a year.'

'I thought you were dead Jack. This is an improvement.'

Jack smiles again. 'I guess it's pretty wicked that we made it.'

'Wicked?' Chris mocks. 'How old are you?'

'Not as old as you.'

Chris puts a hand over his heart. 'I'm sixteen.'

'I knew you when you were sixteen. It wasn't a good year.'

'Shut up Phil!' Chris shouts back.

'Sixteen is a shit age for everyone' Dean comments.

Chris shrugs. 'I'd just gotten back from being undercover. I wasn't in a good place.'

There's a silence. Louise closes her eyes.

'Chris. Their funerals are tomorrow.'

Chris's body freezes. In his state, he hadn't had the time to think of the people they'd lost.

'Makes sense.' He whispers.

'We've told them they're not to commend you and Dean.'

'We told them to go fuck themselves.' Dean adds.

'Commend us?' Chris inquires.

'They wanted to give you and Dean medals for managing to save yourselves and one other person. They were going to butt into the funeral and do it, since we would all be in one place.'

Chris sighs. 'Bullshit.'

'They're a bit stripped for time.' Jack points out. 'A week before we're all off again.'

Chris doesn't get it to begin with.

Louise pinpoints the exact second he does and that his world turns red.

'They're sending you.' Chris whispers.

Jack nods.

'With a broken fucking leg!' Chris shouts.

'We know Chris.'

'There's no convincing them.'

'This is such bullshit! That's not logical! They're sending you to FUCKING DIE!' Chris screams.

Louise tries to grab his arm.

'Let's go cool-'

Chris shakes himself out of Louise's grip.

Light bulbs begin to pop. The arms on the ceiling shaking.

Phil's eyes widen. He runs over. The others remain glued to the spot.

Pj doesn't know what to do.

'How am I going to save everyone?! How am I meant to?!' A distant window cracks. 'I never planned on living... But everyone else has to. We're alive. We're people!'

'Chris. You need to calm down.' Phil puts a hand on his shoulder.

Phil is surprised by the tears in Chris's eyes.

'What's the fucking point Phil? They don't want us to live. Nobody wants us to make it.' Chris whispers.

The room shakes.

'Chris-'

'-I CAN'T STOP IT. I DON'T KNOW HOW.' He looks at the door.

He needs out.

'Don't follow me.' He runs out of the room.

The room continues to shake.

The abnormals exchange looks.

Pj becomes unglued. He runs.


	4. Chapter 4

Pj knows where to go by following the trail of destruction.

He'd expected it to lead to Chris's room.

It hadn't. He's following the familiar trail to the roof.

Pj takes a second to appreciate that his body is faster, he couldn't have done this two months ago., the training has paid off.

He's up the stairs in a flash, throwing the door wide.

The roof looks different in midday sunlight. The sky oddly blue. The roof looks different when it's empty.

Of course, it's not completely empty.

Chris looks over the city.

'Fuck off Phil.'

'I'm not Phil.'

Chris spins around, tears on his cheeks.

'What the hell are you doing here?!'

'I ran after you.'

'You fucking idiot! They're all going to figure us out!' Chris shouts.

Pj walks over to Chris silently, standing next to him.

'I thought more people would be up here in the day.' Pj says.

Chris lets out a huff of air. He can't help but smile.

'They tend to stay lower down in the building. The roof reminds them of... a lot. A lot of them are watching the teens train and helping with that.'

Pj frowns. 'I thought we were the one's that needed help.'

Chris shrugs. 'I'm happy with the team we've got.'

Chris looks at the city, watching a few cars drive around, watching identical plain people walk quickly.

Pj watches him.

'You don't have to save everyone.' Pj says. 'This isn't all on you-'

'-Yeah it is.'

'If anything, your job is to allow us to save ourselves, that's what a good teacher does. A good leader.' Pj takes his hand. 'A good friend.'

Chris meets his eyes. Chris's eyes are red.

'Are you telling me to let it go?'

Pj smiles.

'Not entirely, but yes Chris. Let go of some of what you've got. You don’t need it.'

Chris huffs. 'I don't know how to let go.'

Pj faces him. 'You let go by realizing you have to. You let go by getting past it and focusing on what you've got to hand. You let go of the stress by realizing that there are people tp support you.' Pj adds as an afterthought. 'Plus, Jack.'

'The front-line is brutal Pj.'

'You are brutal Chris. We're not pathetic. We're not defenseless. We're not stupid. We should be fine as a unit, if we carry on working hard.'

The cold air hits Pj's face. Chris's cheeks are slightly red.

Chris swallows. 'I just want everyone to be free.' Chris closes his eyes. 'I want you to go home, to take Dan with you. For everyone else to go back to their families or make their own.'

'Why would I need to bring Dan back?' Pj frowns.

'It was his family that turned him in.'

Pj's eyes widen. 'What?'

'I know. It's shit. They don't deserve him.' Chris says.

Silence.

'You need to let that go.' Pj responds.

'What?'

'You need to let go the part of you that's sad because of... everything. Because otherwise you will never be happy.' Pj smiles. 'And I'm not happy when you're sad.'

'It's a bit hard to let go of sadness.' Chris snorts.

'You've had a lot of it Chris. I'm not saying right this second. I'm saying that should be your goal.'

'My goal should be learning to let go?' Chris asks.

'Yes. That's freedom, not being out of this building.'

'Being out of the building would probably help.'

'Never said it wouldn't.'

Chris's eyes are drying. His voice is still raked with tears.

'How am I going to get through these funerals? We haven't even got bodies to cremate.'

Pj squeezes his hand.

'You'll get through it with Louise, Jack, and Dean at your side.'

'Phil will be there. He knew most of them.'

'You've been to funerals before right?'

Chris laughs. 'I've been to a few.'

They're silent again. Birds in the distance fly without a care.

'Pj.'

'Yes?'

'Distract me.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris and Pj kiss on the roof.

Chris has never felt more free.

Pj feels warm despite the cold.

Pj feels for the first time in months, that he's home.

Somehow, home became a person.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The room stops shaking a few minutes after Pj ran away. Phil determined it as safe to continue with training.

'Do you think he found him?' Dan asks Phil. Their shoulders touch.

'I'm guessing.' Phil responds.

'What was up with that anyway?' Tyler questions.

Phil's eyebrows raise. He turns and glares at him.

'Chris freaking out?' Phil speaks aggressively.

'No. No! That was perfectly valid. I'm surprised it didn't happen earlier.'

Phil nods. 'Good.'

'Why did Pj go?' Tyler asks.

Louise swallows.

Dan frowns. 'I don't know. It was weird.'

Louise can see when Tyler's eyes widen. His cogs having moved.

'Guys...Has Pj gone missing recently?'

Louise swears internally.

Emma and Dan make eye contact.

'I didn't see him come home the other night...' Dan says.

'Same.' Emma says.

Tyler grins. Phil goes pale.

'I found them.' The whole room look at Tyler. 'I found the fuck buddy.'

Phil glares at him again.

'Chris wouldn't do that.'

Tyler nods his head.

'If the person was hot enough, Chris would one hundred percent do that.'

'I've known him longer.'

'You idolize him.' His words cut Phil unintentionally. 'Chris is more capable than you think. This makes sense Phil. It's an explanation-'

'=But it's not the explanation. I'll listen to that when they get back. In the meantime, we're going to train.' Phil instructs. 'You hear me.'

Tyler's eyes widen.

'Phil I-'

'=I get that this is your way of coping. Chris told me to leave it alone because of that. But Tyler, our friends are dead and we're going to war in a week.'

Tyler's mouth hangs open. Head bowed.

'I'm sorry.'

Phil tugs on his own hair. 'Aren't we all?'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Their foreheads rest together.

'Was that distracting enough?'

'Well I don't see anything exploding.' Chris jokes.

Pj laughs. 'Except maybe some minds.'

Chris chuckles.

'You need to go back to training.'

Pj raises his eyebrows.

'So you want to kiss me and leave me?'

'Well I don't want to.' Chris laughs.

Pj nods. 'I need to think of a lie.'

'Thought of one. Phil knows that I trained you that night I found you, say you wanted to return the favor.'

'To a room full of trained professionals?' Pj giggles. 'And you expect me to win?'

Chris rolls his eyes. 'You could do it.'

'I fucking could not.' Pj retorts.

Chris sighs. _'Pj...'_

 _'Chris...'_ Pj mimics. 'Please come back with me. It'll be easier to convince them. Phil will be less worried about you-' Pj takes his hands into his own. '-I'll be less worried about you.' Pj smiles. 'Come on.'

Chris looks into his eyes. He knows he's going. He's not pleased about it.

'Why do you have to be so nice? And pretty? And logical? Can't you just be stupid, and kind of an _'Eh'_ on the attractiveness scale, like the rest of us?'

Pj shrugs and grins.

'Maybe I'm special.'

Chris snorts. 'You're special alright.'

'So will you come back?'

Chris takes one last look at the city; one last look at Pj.

'Sure.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris grins as he lets go of Pj's hand. Both of them desperately avoiding being seen.

'What?' Pj asks.

'This is going to be fun.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris throws the door open.

He's met by several pairs of wide eyes as they shoot guns.

'Alright! Firstly, I'm allowed to show human emotion!'

Phil smiles. 'Alright.'

'Secondly! Stop laughing at me!'

'It's hard not to do.'

'Shut up Phil.' Chris grins.

'What's the deal with Pj?' Tyler shouts.

Pj and Chris lock eyes. Pj nods at him.

'I helped out Pj when he felt bad. He returned the favor.' Chris shouts.

Pj smiles at him.

'Go train.' Chris orders in a quieter voice.

'Sure thing Boss.'

Chris rolls his eyes.

He turns around to shut the door.

He hears Emma speak.

'We all thought you were banging Chris.' She says, intending to joke.

Chris's heart skips a beat.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Phil hadn't meant to see.

But when someone puts a torch in your face and turns it on, it's hard to ignore, even if your eyes are closed.

It's true.

Pj's aura flared too. Of course it wasn't anything on the bomb of light coming from Chris's.

It has to be true. Why didn't Phil notice it before?'

He shuts his eyes.

'Chris, can I talk to you alone for a minute?'

Chris catches his eye. Phil dips into his mind.

One word sums it up.

**_Busted._ **

'Sure.' Chris swallows.

Phil takes steps to the door. He doesn't look at Chris.

Louise walks after them without an explanation. She'd seen the realization. She's going for damage control.

Connor picks Tyler up and holds him in the air so he can’t follow. Troye laughs at it, ruining the tense atmosphere. They go out the door.

Pj’s a new form of terrified.

Dan cackles.

'God, that was awkward.'

'You are awkward.' Pj retorts.

Tyler finishes flailing. He glares at Connor.

'Well seeing as someone stopped me from getting in on whatever the fuck that was. We'd better train.' Tyler sighs. 'This would also be easier if Luke could have made it today.'

Emma jumps at the mention of his name.

'Where is he?'

Tyler huffs. 'In his room. Doing paperwork.'

'Why?'

'Because Phil did his on the day so it was fresh and Luke got wasted instead.'

'So now karma is punishing him.' Connor contributes.

'Joe is getting taught how to drive.' Zoe supplies.

Tyler nods. 'Makes sense. They try and teach most people. Caspar is probably there too.' Tyler huffs, Connor laughs.

Zoe frowns. 'What does that mean?'

Tyler puts his hands up in surrender.

'That's a question for you to ask your brother Zoe. His feelings for-'

Connor coughs to interrupt.

'-Then Hannah's at medical. Mitchell is somewhere and Charlie is doing his Charlie thing.' Connor states.

'And Jack and Dean are sleeping.' Tyler finishes.

'Together?' Dan inquires.

Tyler huffs. 'Apparently not. They're another Phil and Chris, I think.'

Pj's watching the door.

'What does that mean?' Pj asks.

'They're not fucking, but imagine if they did.' Tyler says. The room laughs.

'Come on...' Connor pats Tyler on the shoulder. 'We should teach the children how to shoot.' He jokes.

Tyler snorts. 'I'm six. Get me out of here.'

'I'm seven and three quarters.' Connor replies.

'Both of you would still be here if you were Chris.' Pj deadpans.

The group look at him. The somber information sobers them.

'Alright. Let's train.'

As everyone moves, Pj carries on looking at the door.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The three of them walk. A group agreement to keep this private. Chris jumps when Louise puts a hand on his back.

She mouths _'I'm sorry.'_

Chris forces a smile and nods.

They walk out onto the roof. Phil turns with a storm painted onto his features.

'How could you?'

'How could I what Phil?' Chris responds trying his luck.

'Sleep with your student! I'm guessing more than once.'

Chris closes his eyes. 'I couldn't help it.'

Phil snorts. 'Oh so you just fell into bed together? Fell over and you were inside him? _Woopsy Daisy, time to make the best out of a bad situation-'_  

'-Don't talk about him like that.'

'What you going to do, fuck me too?'

'Don't talk about him like he's a piece of meat. He's a person.' Chris laughs. 'A better one than me.'

Phil frowns at him.

'You meant that.' He says.

Chris rolls his eyes. 'Of course I did.'

Louise watches but refuses to interfere. More than anything, she'll just electrocute them if it gets physical.

'But like...your aura changed again...Wait...' Phil rambles on. Chris looks at him with raised eyebrows.

'Yes?'

'Is he the reason you've been so happy recently?'

Chris giggles. 'I'd guess.'

Phil frowns.

'How long?' Phil questions, voice quieter. Not filled with anger.

'We kissed for the first time the night before I went away.' Chris answers. 'He couldn't sleep, so I took him to my room to see if he could calm down there. We just talked.' He smiles. 'In the end, he kissed me so I'd stop talking.'

Louise chuckles. 'He kissed you?'

'He claimed it would be the best distraction.' He laughs again. 'It's one of them.'

'I'd assumed you'd kissed him.' Louise responds.

Chris shakes his head. 'I knew I liked him. I didn't want to force myself onto him. Actually, I was fucking shocked when he kissed me.'

'How did you react?' Louise questions.

'I didn't really. I made him go to bed, then I held his hand and we fell asleep.'

'Awww...'

Chris rolls his eyes. 'Thanks.'

Phil’s mind races with colour.

'...Chris he's your student. We're going to war in a week... One of you could die and leave the other one broken... You could endanger yourself to save him.. It may have started out with good intentions, but you need to stop...' Phil concludes.

Chris shakes his head.

'I can't do that Buddy.'

'Why not?' Phil demands.

Chris looks for a way to explain his feelings. There is none. He's stuck.

He's not going to lose one of the best people in his life, but he can't lose Phil.

It hits him.

'Read my mind.' Chris orders.

'What?' Phil questions.

'It's the only way you'll get it. Read my mind.'

'But-'

'You're only seeing the bad. See the good. Read my mind.' Chris snorts. 'It might not all be family friendly but just...read my mind.'

'It makes sense Phil.' Louise defends. 'Then you can see his intentions.'

Phil looks unwilling, but he nods regardless.

'Alright. I will.'

Chris smiles.

Phil flicks the switch. He looks.

It's like an explosion.

Chris's aura has always been bright, so much colour that it hurts Phil's eyes.

The thoughts provide layers to it. Explanations of colour.

Phil sees that first kiss, he sees Pj through Chris's eyes. He remembers the feeling of his lips against his. He sees the morning after, laughter.

He feels what Chris felt. Insecure, excited, scared.

He feels what Chris feels now, terrified, excited, calm, and dread. He's sad and happy simultaneously. There's a flash of insecurity, a small amount of hope.

He knows enough. Phil escapes before he sees more than he needs to.

He'd seen the way that Pj looks at Chris and he'd felt what Chris feels for Pj.

Phil stares at Chris's face for a long moment after, ignoring his aura.

It's strange to think that one person can contain so much.

'Well?' Chris asks. Phil can see his feelings on his face.

Phil sighs. 'Don't do anything more stupid.'

Chris grins. 'Does that mean...'

'Carry on. If we get to the front-line and you show him favoritism, I'm going to beat you with a pistol.' Phil nods at the end of his sentence. Louise snorts.

'I won't.' Chris responds. 'I'm going to keep them all alive.'

Phil nods. 'We're going to keep them all alive.'

Chris shrugs. He smiles at Phil.

'So are you waiting till after the war to make a move on Daniel or what?'

Phil rolls his eyes. 'Some of us have stronger morals than you.'

'Some of us are having less fun than me.'

'The Chris I knew two months ago would have never slept with his student.'

Chris huffs. 'That Chris never knew Pj.'

'I told him to do it.' Louise interrupts. Phil glares at her. 'We were nearly dead. He told me about him; never mentioned a name though, I had to put two and two together when I came into that training session. I told him to do it because we'd nearly died and Chris regretted never going for it.'

Chris smiles at her. 'I also regretted having to leave you behind by the way Phil.'

Phil smiles too, albeit reluctantly.

'I'm not going to sleep with Dan just because I might die.'

'You might not ever have to deal with the consequences.' Chris points out.

Phil swallows.

'Dan's more than a lonely fuck to me.' Phil admits. 'Plus, he probably doesn't like me back.'

'You say that like that's all Pj is to me, it's not. Plus, I'm _pretty_ sure Dan likes you.'

'What's Pj to you?' Phil inquires.

Chris pats down his own hair.

'Pj's my boyfriend.'

Phil's eyes widen in shock.

'Really?' Louise asks.

'It doesn't really mean much in a place like this but...yeah. I asked him.'

Louise snorts. 'I was not expecting that.'

'Me neither.' Chris admits. 'I'd always assumed that I would die before I got a boyfriend.' He smiles. 'It's nice. He makes me feel good.'

Phil chokes. 'That's really dangerous Chris. If one of you dies next week, the other one will be...'

'We'd keep going. We both would.'

'What if one of you gets injured? Would you be able to leave him behind?'

'He can heal Phil. But to save everyone else, I would.'

'Would you leave him behind if it meant saving yourself?'

Chris snorts. 'Not in a million years.'

Phil's mouth falls open.

'I'd do the same for you Phil.' Chris admits. 'Or you, Louise. Or anyone in that damn training room.'

Phil nods. 'I should have expected that really.'

Chris laughs. 'You should have.'

'Have we had enough angsty drama for one day then?' Louise asks the two.

Phil sighs.

'As long as Chris doesn't do anything stupid with his boyfriend.' Phil smirks at the end of his sentence.

'I'm not going to do anything stupid. I'm not stupid. I've got a lot of self control.' Chris remarks. Phil snorts.

'Yeah, right.'

'Where it counts I do.'

Phil nods and considers it.

'Yeah. You do.'

They stand in silence for a minute. Letting the moment wash over them.

The moment becomes somber.

'We're not giving them the talk today.' Chris states. 'We'll do that after the funerals tomorrow. I'll know what to say then.'

'Makes sense.' Phil comments.

Louise lets out a huff of air. 'Tomorrow is going to be horrid.'

Chris nods. 'At least we got out.'

Tears begin to come to Louise's eyes. 'Like you said, more should have.'

Phil remains quiet, chewing on his lip.

'We'll give them the best fucking send off ever.' Chris declares. 'I'll make sure of it.'

Louise forces herself to smile. 'Let's just focus on the good things in life today.'

Chris smiles. 'Definitely. Reckless optimism for a day. Let's be sad tomorrow.'

'Reckless optimism?' Phil questions.

Chris laughs. 'Something Hannah said to me once. It made sense.'

Louise chuckles. Remembering Hannah saying it to her too.

'Practice reckless optimism.' She repeats.

Chris smiles. 'Always.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj is a shade paler than he should be.

Chris winks at him and Pj sighs in relief.

Phil can't help but smile at the whole thing.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The day ends quickly for Chris.The morning has been a hard one for him, in contrast, the afternoon flowed easily.

'Okay, let's wrap it up there. You're dismissed. Go have some fun.' Chris shouts. The room does as he orders. Tyler walks to him.

Tyler frowns. 'I thought you were going to give them the talk?'

'I cannot be fucked, on any level. I spiritually cannot be fucked. I am unfuckable. Witness me.'

Tyler laughs.

'When are you going to do it then?'

'Tomorrow. I need to have a shower and pick a respectable outfit to wear tomorrow.'

'Shit. I need to do that too.'

'Maybe you could help me with that.' Chris suggests.

'Sure.' Tyler smiles. 'I'll get Philly and Luke too.'

'Good. Bring Connor too.' Chris smiles back. Tyler walks off.

Chris turns around to find Dan and Pj.

Dan coughs.

'I was just wondering what time we need to be here tomorrow, because of the...'

Chris nods. 'You'll only have a trainer from about midday but if you want to come work out then feel free.'

Dan nods. 'Okay.'

Chris looks at Pj.

'Also, everyone is coming to my place to pick out shit to wear tomorrow. So you guys will probably be on the roof, or by your rooms, by yourselves.'

Pj nods at him, understanding the message.

'What time might we see you?' Pj asks.

'We'll come and find you.' Chris responds. 'But everything's fine.'

Pj nods again. Dan does also, the message going over his head.

Dan pulls Pj away and Chris is left alone to finally breathe.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Luke doesn't go to find an outfit for tomorrow. He'll pick one later.

He stays in his room, attempting to breathe. He's moved to tears.

It hadn't even properly registered that they were dead. He'd been away. He'd just received a note from Phil. It hadn't seemed real. He'd just been left numb.

There was change and Luke was left too busy to mourn.

The day is tomorrow. He has to say goodbye to people he's known for years.

He preferred feeling numb. Now he feels it all.

He stops himself from crying.

He needs to get out of here. He can't breathe.

He heads to the roof. Nobody should be there. As a group, they sort of claimed it over the years. The group won’t be there.

He keeps his body submissive, attempting to not attract attention.

He pushes the roof door and inhales the cold air.

It makes him feel alive, which reminds him of how dead everyone else is.

'Shit. Are you okay?'

The voice makes Luke jump.

Luke nearly decks her.

'Woah! Woah! It's just me!'

Luke focuses in on her.

'Emma.' He states. She nods.

'No shit.'

He laughs. She smiles at him.

'I'm sorry that I nearly-'

'Nearly hit me? It's okay.' She reassures him. 'You're okay.'

He chokes. 'I'm not okay.'

She smiles at him. 'I know you're not, but you will be.'

He frowns.

'It's hard to imagine being okay.' Luke admits. His words begin to spill out. 'I've not been okay in a long time...And Emma, these people were my friends. I didn't know all of them that well but I knew some of them. And mourning is fucked up here. You barely have anytime to get over it. In the end, you're left mourning for people that died years ago and it hurts like it was yesterday. Some of them were like family to me, Bry, Dodie... I won’t be okay.’

Dodie's dead. That hits Luke again, like a ton of bricks.

Emma sees it.

Emma bites her lip and nods.

'Death is hard.' She answers. She looks into his eyes. 'Did you know there's been a drought in the marshlands for the last year? Loads of kids have been getting ill. Including my little brother... I got caught because I was trying to get him some clean water. Without it, the doctor said he was dead in a few days...' She closes her eyes. 'That was two months ago.'

Luke grimaces.

'That really fucking sucks.' Luke comments.

Emma huffs out a laugh. 'That's one thing you could say.' She exhales. 'What I'm trying to say is this, we'll be okay.'

Luke smiles and shakes his head.

'Nah. You might be. You might just get to go to the front-line and see some death and go home. The rest of us are too scarred to ever get sent home. No matter what everyone else tries to believe.'

'Are you saying there isn't a life for you?'

'I'm saying I don't believe it. Not anymore.' Luke answers. 'Not for me.'

Emma nods. 'I can't change your mind. I don't know you well enough.'

Luke forces himself to smile and says the words that feel natural.

'Get to know me then.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Luke is surprised that despite the weight in his chest, Emma makes him laugh.

He's surprised when he begins to cry that Emma ends up putting her arms around him.

He's surprised when holding her back makes things a little better.

It makes things a bit more okay.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Everyone leaves late at night. Chris walks to check on his pupils.

He watches the three pupils he finds in awe for a moment.

'OH MY FUCKING GOD.'

'I FUCKED UP.'

Pj's sitting in the corner giggling manically. Curled up in a ball on a chair.

Troye and Dan are attempting to share one chair. Both of them standing.

'It's like you're dancing.' Chris interjects.

'I was thinking that.' Chris turns around to see Connor behind him.

Troye and Dan lose balance. Both of them fall off, leaving Troye on top of Dan on the floor..

'I WON!' Pj shouts.

'OF COURSE YOU WON YOU'VE GOT THE LONGEST LEGS I'VE EVER SEEN!'

Pj laughs. 'Dan, you're taller than me.'

'SHUT UP YOU...YOU...NASTY PERSON!'

Troye rolls off him.

'Seeing as I only just touched the ground, does that mean I came second?'

'NO.'

'Yes.'

'What the fuck are you doing?'

Pj snorts. 'The floor is lava.'

Chris rolls his eyes. 'Oh, _of_ _course_.' 

Pj shrugs. 'Emma went to get some air and never came back. Zoe's getting Joe ready for tomorrow, he asked her for help.'

'And it was a stressful day.' Dan comments.

'We decided to release some tension and improve our moods.'

'That makes it sound like you all hooked up.'

Pj smirks. 'Maybe we did.'

'You relieved stress by playing 'The Floor Is Lava'?' Chris shakes his head.

Troye grins. 'There wasn't enough people for 'Stuck In The Mud'.'

'Did it work?' Chris questions.

Dan gasps. 'You should have seen the round that Pj managed to jump over three chairs at once.'

'Me and Dan were in so fucking much shock that we fell off and lost.' Troye contributes.

'It's definitely improved our moods.'

Connor and Chris make eye contact.

'It's what they'd want us to do.' Chris suggests.

Connor's smile doesn’t reach his eyes.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Dan hits the ground with a swear and a thud. Chris uses his ability to lower his head to the ground.

He was also the one that pushed him over.

He's been inching the chairs away from Troye and Connor. Both of them sharing a chair, trying to make it seem like they're uncomfortable.

They're not uncomfortable.

'Having fun Dan?' Pj asks.

Dan shakes his head, laughing.

'I can watch your butt from here Pj.'

Pj snorts. 'Are you watching my butt Dan?'

'Intensely.'

Pj laughs so hard he begins to fall. Chris reaches out and pulls him back up onto the chair before he hits the ground.

Pj lets him.

Dan continues to lay on the ground.

Connor stares at them both.

Chris grins at him as he figures it out.

Connor sighs.

'Chris has been cheating since the start-'

'-Have not-'

'Oh gosh, this is like being eighteen all over again.' Connor face palms.

Chris notices how he's got an arm around Troye, keeping them both on the chair.

'Nobody used to specify the rules-'

'-Chris. The rule said no elements.'

'Was I using an element?'

Connor glares at him. 'No.'

Chris continues to grin. 'That's how Phil and I hustled about six hundred beers in one weekend.'

'Wait, what?' Dan questions.

'We had a beer pong tournament in our late teens, as you do.' Chris explains. 'Phil used to tell me where the thrower was going to throw and then I'd move their ball.'

'He also used to make sure Phil scored.'

'To be fair, Phil is pretty good at beer pong.' Chris defends himself.

Connor sighs. 'They managed to win the entire thing before we put two and two together.'

Dan sits up, he reaches for Chris and knocks him off the chair before returning to the ground.

Chris doesn't complain, falling to the ground like he's been shot. Dan laughs at the noise he makes.

Pj smiles at him.

'Pj should be dead too because Chris saved him.'

Chris snorts. 'Saved him? From the floor?'

Troye grins. 'It's the biggest danger of all.'

Chris shakes his head. 'That would be me.'

Connor laughs. 'It's funny because it's true.'

The other three look on with questioning eyes.

Chris shrugs.

'You should see me when I'm angry.'

Dan frowns. Pj relies on him state the obvious.

'I thought we had.'

Chris looks into the distance. 'That was... That wasn't just anger.'

'We're talking rage.' Connor answers for him. 'Chris was a cocktail of emotion earlier.' Connor puts a hand on his chest and gasps. 'I could really use a cocktail.'

Chris snorts. 'I thought you were going to say you could use a cock in you then.'

Connor's eyes widen. 'That's crude.' He states.

'And true?' Chris laughs.

'No...'

Dan and Pj exchange a look. 

'What's a cocktail?' Dan asks. 

Chris stares at him, and laughs. 

'You know what beer is but you don't know what a cocktail is?'

Dan shakes his head. 

Chris sighs.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Connor steps off the chair to let Troye win.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris almost forgets what's happening tomorrow and in a week. He's so caught up in a simple child game and giggling at Dan that it just vanishes.

Troye yawns and it makes Chris aware of how tired everyone else must be.

'Call it a night?' Chris asks.

The others nod.

'That was fun.' Dan comments.

Connor smiles. His eyes flick around the room, ending on Troye. Chris thinks it was accidental.

'Thank you for that.' Connor says. 'It was kinda superb.'

Dan laughs. 'Superb Connor.'

Connor rolls his eyes. 'You're mean.'

'He's sarcastic mean to everyone.' Pj comments. Smiling.

'We're all sarcastic.' Chris argues.

'I'm just a...spork?' Dan says.

Chris laughs. 'Spork.' He repeats. He giggles. 'Bless you.'

Dan puts his hand on the door of his room. He doesn't open it.

'Chris...Can you help me with nightmares? I really need to sleep tonight.'

Chris looks him once over. He can see his exhaustion.

'Yeah. I've got something you can take, but it's in my room. I'll go get it and bring it to you.' Chris winks at him. 'Go to bed.'

Dan grins.

'See you tomorrow.'

Dan opens the door.

'Why do you never say goodnight Dan?' Pj asks.

Dan doesn't even flinch.

'It sounds too much like goodbye.'

He goes into his room.

Chris stares at the door, lowers his eyebrows and looks up to the left.

'I swear to fucking god, that man was created to be perfect for Phil.'

Pj laughs. 'What?'

'Weird bullshit like that. Slightly emotional, funny, with a small tolerance for bullshit. He's the definition of Phil's type.'

'Oh my god you've noticed that too!' Connor nearly shouts.

'Everyone's noticed that.' The other three say in sync. Chris looking unsurprised, while Troye and Pj exchange a look.

'It's annoying. I'm going to have to do something.' Chris adds, he rubs his hands together.

Connor rolls his eyes.

'See you guys tomorrow then.' Connor concludes.

Troye licks his bottom lip before speaking in response.

'See you tomorrow.'

Troye enters his room. Chris leaves it a couple of seconds before turning to Pj

Pj's eyes are already focused on him.

Pj's mouth opens to speak. Chris cuts him off.

'We're fine. Phil's okay. He found out but it's fine. He's not going to interfere.'

Pj exhales. 'I mean I thought that was probably what happened because you seemed happy but I was worried...'

'It's okay.' Chris repeats Pj's exhalation. 'We're okay.' Chris hugs him, pulling away quickly.

Pj smiles.

'I need to shower.'

'Me too. You want to do it in my room?'

Pj nods. They begin to walk.

'Will you be showering with me?'

Chris smirks. 'Maybe after I give those pills to Dan.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris knocks the door and enters Dan's room. He's trying to be quick. Dan's already in bed. Not sleeping.

Chris passes him the small tray of pills. They're small and white, circular.

'Hey mate, just take two of these before you sleep okay? They'll get you to sleep and help with the nightmares.'

Dan pops two out, and swallows them with a glass of conveniently placed water to the side of his bed.

Dan nods quickly. 'Thank you.'

Chris smiles at him. He ruffles a hand through Dan's hair.

'Don't worry about it Spork.'

'See you tomorrow.' Dan repeats.

Chris shakes his head before shutting the door on him and returning to Pj.

'See you tomorrow.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj is in the shower waiting for him.

The water and touches wash away the pain of the day.

Leaving him into a blank canvas for tomorrow.

Six days.

Pj falls quickly asleep in Chris's arms. Chris wraps him up. Putting his chin over the top of his head.

He tries not to think too much. He fails.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris can see the changes in the light that indicate the coming of day.

He starts to feel sick, he wishes that the sun will not come up.

That he'll never have to go to those funerals.

That time would freeze, and Chris could just stay here forever.

Of course, in a world like this, people don't get what they wish for.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj can tell something's changed the second he wakes up. Chris is squeezing him. His demeanor quiet, thoughtful and protective.

'How long have you got before you have to go?'

Chris sighs. 'Two hours. I'm meeting Phil.' Chris tries to smile. 'He didn't want to go by himself.'

Pj frowns at him.

'How does it work?' Pj asks. 'Up in the mountains, we burn the body and leave the ashes to mix with the rain. It's supposed to be holy.'

'If we have bodies, we cremate them. Normally the bodies are left where they die. The front-line is...' Chris grimaces. 'We don't have the bodies. We left them behind... I didn't even see them all. Just Cat...And Bry... I heard them all though.' Chris closes his eyes. The screams fill his head again. 'And me and Louise sat in that fucking alcove, and we just listened.'

'There's no shame in still being alive Chris.'

'That house was massive...I mean that's why we chose it to hide in it... It's how Dean managed to pull Jack to safety... I could have saved someone else. I could have grabbed Dodie or Evan easily. They were right next to me when it started. I was talking to them for fucks sake when we heard the noises. It would have been so fucking easy to have grabbed them...' Chris opens his eyes and sighs.

Pj won't try and make this better.

He kisses him once for what it's worth, a chaste movement of lips.

'You'll get through today.' Pj tells him.

Chris nods. 'I know. I've been to a lot of funerals.' Chris huffs. 'This is one of the bigger ones.'

Pj's mouth rests slightly open. 'I've been to two.'

Chris has to laugh, it's times like this that he's reminded of how different they are.

'I've been to seventy.'

Pj's eyes widen, but he's not too surprised.

'Did you know them all...'

'Spread over years Pj.' Chris reminds him. He rubs a small circle where his hand rests on Pj. 'They're always bad, but for a long time, we didn't even have them here.'

Pj frowns. 'How come?'

Chris shrugs. 'We mourned by ourselves, but when I was ten, this boy called Felix died in action. He was twenty, popular, funny, loved...' Chris smiles. 'He was a part of my training group, he used to stand up for me when they were working me too hard. He also was the one that carried me to my room when I collapsed before Phil was strong enough to do it.'

'He sounds nice.' Pj says.

'He was. Everyone missed him. Nobody saw it coming, he just got overpowered.'

Pj nods. 'That sucks.'

'There was a girl called Marzia. She wanted to give him a 'formal goodbye', she got everyone organized-' Chris laughs. '-She even got me and Phil into smart clothes.'

Pj chuckles. 'That must have been hard.'

Chris shakes his head. 'We missed him too. I think it was just her way of keeping control, she distracted herself with taking care of us.' Chris exhales. 'That used to happen a lot.'

Pj nods. 'What happened?'

'We went to the roof. A few of the older people said some things about him. Marzia held Phil's hand and my hand the whole time. She talked, then we threw his ashes off the roof, then they got wasted and sent us to bed.'

'So then they did it for everyone?' Pj inquires.

Chris shakes his head again.

'Marzia died a month later.' Chris takes a breath. 'It felt right to give her one too.’ Another breath. 'People always said it was best that she went when she did. They weren't apart that way. They said that she at least saw him one last time before she died, because before you die, you see the people you love.' Chris laughs bitterly and quietly. 'Apparently.'

'So then they did it for everyone.'

Chris nods.

They lay in silence for a moment.

'They were together, romantically.' Chris says.

Pj smiles. 'I thought they might have been.'

'Phil tells me about them every once in a while.'

Pj frowns. 'Why?'

'He doesn't want me to forget them. I never do. I just miss some details, that's all I forget...' Chris squints.

'So he just refreshes the story?'

Chris shakes his head, the squint ends.

'Yeah. He'll ask me questions along the way. I'm getting better.'

'How do you know?' Pj smiles.

'Because I remember more of the details. I know the whole story. I know how they looked. Marzia had brown eyes. Felix had blue. They never hid their relationship from the abnormals, just the people in charge. They never found out, they were never separated. He used to call her beautiful. Everyone used to joke about how much the both of them took care of us, saying we were their kids. It was happy.'

'Do you think your memory's improved?'

Chris shakes his head. 'It changes. Sometimes it’s bad, sometimes it’s better. I forget a lot of stupid shit. No complete forgets recently. All of the side effects were worse to begin with.'

'That's good right? That it used to be worse and now it’s not...’

Chris nods. 'I like that I always remember Felix and Marzia now, and that I know the whole story. Phil always used to manage to find something I'd forgotten when I was in my teens.'

'Thank god for Phil.' Pj smiles.

'Bless him.' Chris adds.

Chris bites his lip.

'I don't want to forget these people. I don't want to forget any of them.' Chris closes his eyes. He squeezes Pj.

Pj searches for a solution, looking at the pain on his face.

Pj kisses his jaw.

'I'm so glad you exist.' Chris laughs. 'Well I kind of wish you weren't here, but I'm glad that we met and this happened and you're here, with me.'

'Me too.'

Pj kisses him to distract him.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj helps him dress; putting buttons through holes, kissing him.

Pj can see Chris becoming more and more nervous, sweaty palms and deep breaths.

Pj doesn't know how to help. He wishes he could fix it, but it's too much to fix.

Chris is trying to not be scared. He's trying to accept this as normal and keep his heart beat regular. He tries to stay quiet and feel sad, keep it all in.

Chris looks at the time and it all nearly escapes.

'I have to go. Phil will be waiting.'

Pj nods, he kisses him once more.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Phil waits for him by the roof stairs. Chris can hear the noises of light talking. Phil hugs him.

They break away. Chris takes his hand. They walk up the stairs.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris holds Louise's and Phil's hands. Two people in, Louise begins to cry. Jack hugs her as the procession continues.

Close friends tell secret stories. Tears are shed.

The sensation of pretending to let go.

Chris feels more like a new weight is being added to him. Forced onto his shoulders.

Harder and harder to breath. More like a let down each time.

Dead.

Dead.

_Dead because of me._

He holds Phil's hand tighter and tighter.

He hears Pj's voice.

_'There's no shame in still being alive Chris.'_

Chris closes his eyes and tries to focus in on that; Pj is glad he's still alive, Phil is happy he's here, he at least managed to help Louise.

Tyler's giving a talk on how funny Jim was, Chris has zoned out. He hears the group laugh. It shocks him back into attention.

Phil sees it and squeezes his hand. Phil feels guilty for being relieved that he's not having to give his speech today, the one he's got written out from six months ago, his last scare. Chris has got a eulogy for Phil in the bottom of his wardrobe.

Tyler starts crying and Connor holds him through it.

Chris blinks away tears at their words.

'They didn't deserve this-'

'-I know-'

'-None of them deserved this-'

Tyler seems to catch his eye, standing only a few meters away.

Chris closes his eyes, not wanting to see the disappointment in them.

Not wanting to see Tyler wish he was Jim.

He keeps them closed. Listening to the next person that decides to talk.

Chris jumps when he feels himself being hugged. He looks at them, surprised to see it's Tyler.

'I'm so sorry Chris.' Tyler whispers. 'Oh my god, I'm so sorry.'

'For what?' The hug continues.

'That you had to see this. That I've been bothering you.' Tyler's breath catches. 'That we're here. That you think this is your fault.'

Chris opens his mouth to lie, but feels that he doesn't want to. Not today.

'I'm sorry I didn't save them Ty-'

'You couldn't save them and still be here. You did what you had to do. You shouldn't feel guilty.'

Chris stays quiet. The procession continues with an arm around Tyler and his hand in Phil's.

These people were close to him, but none of them close enough that they warrant a speech from Chris. If it was Phil, Chris would be expected to talk for an hour. Chris would talk for two.

People are looking towards Tyler again for a speech about Joey.

Chris is only just starting to realize how many people Tyler lost in this mission. It's not a surprise that he's been acting up recently.

Tyler shakes his head, tears running down his face.

'I can't...'

Chris holds him closer and squeezes Phil's hand.

Someone speaks, Chris thinks his name is Daniel, they've never spoken before.

They laugh and cry at simple stories. As is the way with mourning.

The procession ends with Dodie and Evan. Everyone looks among themselves for someone to talk about them. It'd been assumed that one day, they'd each speak for the other.

A woman and twins that Chris doesn't recognize tells stories about them.

The group fall into silence. A communal moment of thought. The only sounds audible are those of the wind and those of crying.

This is the moment they'd spread the ashes, if there was any.

People begin to walk back down the stairs. The roof forever tainted due to these processions.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Louise speaks first.

'They deserved better than this.'

Chris nods.

'They did.'

'I miss them.'

Chris smiles. 'Me too.'

'We should have said something. About how they were laughing before they...'

'No. We shouldn't have.'

Louise nods. 'We should have lied.'

'Yeah. But the moment’s passed.' Chris sighs. 'Let's go.'

'Six days.' Phil whispers.

'Six days until we can avenge them.' Tyler mutters.

Chris won't deny him his anger, you can hold onto anger until it saves you. He exchanges a look with Phil.

'Six days left to get our pupils into shape.' Chris points out.

'They're already doing okay.' Connor finally pitches in.

'They're not too shitty with a gun.' Dean adds.

'The ones with abilities that will actually help them, aren't too fucking bad with them.' Jack contributes. 'Probably has something to do with them being older. I'm not an expert.'

'That makes sense.' Luke validates. He looks at the spot he was talking to Emma the day before.

'They need to get better with guns. Learn some strategy. Get more athletic. Be more than just 'decent' with their abilities...' Chris argues. 'They need to live.'

It's just them on the roof now.

'What strategy are we going to use to protect them?' Jack asks.

'Defensive. We stay low and pick a retreat spot that we can get us all into.'

Dean frowns. 'Why the retreat spot?'

Chris snorts. 'So that if we lose, we can hide like Louise and I did in that alcove.'

Dean nods. 'We hid in a wardrobe.' He shrugs. 'Until I heard an explosion and knew someone else was alive. Wasn’t surprised it was you.'

'Then we ran.' Jack finishes.

'Well, I ran.' Dean corrects him.

There's a space where there should be humor.

Chris adds. 'Watch them, the newbies, the better you know them, the better you can defend them.'

Chris looks at all their pained faces.

'Take the day off.' He instructs. 'Phil and I will cover it. We won’t need you in the morning. See you tomorrow afternoon.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris and Phil walk in silence. Starting to put up their walls of defense again, faking a smile.

They hear shouting and laughter from the training rooms.

Chris and Phil exchange a look.

Chris opens the door with his ability. Phil steps through it gingerly.

They find Pj carrying Emma and Dan carrying Zoe.

Troye stands at the other end of the hall.

'Ready...Steady...'

'Get on with it Troye!' Dan shouts.

'I'm not that heavy!' Zoe cries out.

Emma laughs, making Pj's job slightly harder.

'Go!' Troye calls out.

Pj and Dan begin to run, shrieks fill the room.

Dan nearly drops Zoe, having to pull her closer.

Pj uses the time to sprint to Troye, Emma clinging tightly.

'NO!'

'YES!'

'Pj and Emma win.' Troye states.

Pj puts Emma back onto the ground. They high five.

Dan lowers Zoe.

'Why do I always loose?' Dan asks.

Emma nods. 'Because Pj doesn't have a life.'

Pj scoffs. 'Not true.'

'Prove it.'

Pj grimaces. Looking between Emma and Dan.

'You can't make me.'

Emma laughs.

'Having fun?' Phil asks. The pupils jump. Dan immediately laughing afterwards.

'I nearly screamed.' Dan shouts.

'Your manly battle cry?' Pj asks.

Dan shakes his head. 'No. My high pitched squeal.'

'Oh that.' Zoe comments.

Silence.

'How was it?' Emma questions.

The pupils go quiet once more.

Chris and Phil exchange a look.

'It was alright.' Chris comments. 'I didn't cry.'

Phil chuckles. 'I didn't think you were going to.'

Chris slowly nods. 'I did my crying on the way back.'

Phil flinches. 'It must have been pretty terrible.'

Chris grimaces. 'We barely got out Phil. Dean was in the back seat shooting at them while I drove. Louise was having to be a defibrillator for Jack's heart. He screamed for the whole journey.'

Phil and the others grimace.

'I didn't even think about that bit.' Phil confesses.

Chris laughs. 'Why do you think I didn't think he was going to make it?'

Phil smiles.

'You're not known for your optimism Chris.'

Chris snorts. 'I'm known for my power and kill list.'

'It's not what I know you for.'

'But on paper, that's who I am, I'm the murderer that left his friends behind.'

'Chris... Nobody thinks badly of you for what you did. Louise is still here. You helped Louise.'

'I think badly of me Philly. I was there. I heard it.' Chris closes his eyes. 'Saw it. Smelt it. And I just went to their funeral like I was a by-stander...'

'Chris, do you want me to cover this?' Phil asks, gesturing to his pupils.

Chris shakes his head.

'No. I'll stop. Sorry.'

'Don't be sorry. It's not like it's not understandable.' Dan interjects.

Chris raises his eyebrows at him.

'It's more than understandable. People need to talk about things. You just need to understand that this isn't your fault and people love you.' Emma adds.

Chris raises his eyebrows even higher at her.

'Have you ever met me? I'm a bit of a dick.' Chris argues.

Emma shrugs. 'I was telling the truth.'

'You're a lovable butt.' Phil adds.

Chris stares at him, his face molding into a laugh.

'I hate you.' He chuckles.

'You love me.' Phil taunts him.

Chris rolls his eyes.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'So we're leaving in six days. That's five days of training-'

'-Only five?' Dan questions. They sit around the table in the meeting room. Pj unable to stop imagining to smell of his own blood.

Chris smiles. 'A day to travel. That's when our block is.'

The group frown. 'Block?'

Chris rolls his eyes. 'They don't have all the cars in the world. We've got a block of time to get all the pupils to the front-line.'

Dan swallows. 'And if we don't get there?'

Chris shivers. 'You'll be fine. It'd be me that gets beaten. Plus, it's not just your block.'

Zoe's mouth falls open. 'What do you mean it's not just our block?'

Phil shrugs. 'They need to get the teenagers over there at some point. We'll probably have separate cars though. They’re going to go before us, maybe even on a different route.'

'They normally do.' Chris adds.

The room falls silent. Chris's mood still heavy from the funeral.

'Five days.' Troye breathes, leaning over, his hands together.

'Five days.' Chris repeats. 'You'll be fine. You're each going to have at least two of us tagging you and watching out for you. As long as you follow instructions, stay alert, and stay on defensive, you should be fine.'

'Stay alert. Listen. Defend yourself.' Dan sums.

Chris smiles at him. 'You got it. We'll resume training tomorrow. You're dismissed.'

They don't have to be told twice.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj walks into Chris's room, half expecting to be pushed onto a wall.

He hears the shower.

He smiles when he hears Chris singing. He can barely make out the words. Chris's voice is strong and pleasant.

While Pj doesn't understand the words, he can understand the passion in Chris's voice. He lays on the bed and listens.

He grins when the shower goes off. He grins even wider at Chris's face as the door opens.

'You little shit.' Chris states.

'It was nice.' Pj defends.

Chris walks to the end of the bed. Towel wrapped around his waist.

'I don't want to talk anymore about them today. You can remember for me tomorrow.' Chris says. Pj nods. He crawls over the bed to kneel next to Chris.

Chris frowns. 'What are you doing?'

'I figured you could use some help...' Pj teases him, putting a hand on each of his hips.

'You're going to knock my towel off in a second.' Chris chuckles.

Pj smirks at him.

One smooth lowering of his hands, and Chris's towel falls to the ground.

'Whoops.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj falls asleep easily within his embrace. Both of them sticky from sweat and thoroughly satisfied.

Chris fiddles with the leather band that resides on Pj's wrist. Spinning it in light circles.

It feels like he spins the night into morning.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris isn't surprised when he's the last one there. Fear motivates people.

He's just glad he ate before he arrived.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The guns are already out.

Seeing as they all know how to aim and shoot with two hands. Chris makes them either use a different kind of gun or one hand.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Dan's hands shake when he thinks about it. He can feel the nerves in his laughter.

He'd had to take three pills to get to sleep the night before. It's dangerous, he knows it is, but he needs to sleep.

He puts his hand around the gun. He hasn't managed to hit a target yet. The others all have.

He fires once more and clips the edge. He swears again.

He jumps at a hand on his shoulder. His head whipping around.

It's Phil.

'Go again.' Phil orders.

Dan nods.

He reloads, and aims. He breathes out. He pulls the trigger.

His hand falls out of line again. He misses.

'FUCKING TITS. WHY AM I HAVING SO MANY ISSUES BEING STRAIGHT?'

Dan doesn't realize what he said until Pj falls to the ground laughing, Emma following him.

Phil giggles with wide eyes.

'I don't know Dan. Why are you-'

'I MEANT SHOOTING. SHOOTING STRAIGHT.'

Phil rolls his eyes.

'Let's show you how to shoot straight then.'

Dan blushes.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Dan?'

'I swear to god if this is another fucking straight joke, I'll fucking shoot you Pj.'

'Wouldn't that require _cocking_ your gun?' 

Dan glares at Pj and then laughs.

'How long have you had that planned?'

Pj grins. 'Last five minutes.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj's been looking at Chris for the last few minutes. He's been frowning constantly, a hand against the side of his head.

Pj finally decides to speak.

'Are you okay?'

Chris jumps. Looking at him. He shakes his head.

'I'm having a moment.'

Phil overhears, quickly moving away from Troye and Dan to him.

'What's wrong?' Phil asks.

'What's my name Phil?'

Phil stops in his tracks. The room silences.

'Chris James Kendall.'

Chris continues to frown.

'Is it Christopher or Chris?'

Phil shakes his head. 'You forgot. The people in charge won't tell us.'

Pj's heart breaks for him, looks of sympathy from around the room.

'That's mad.' Chris comments.

'Do you remember how old you are?' Phil asks quietly.

'Twenty...seven?' The hand presses harder into the side of Chris's head.

Phil smiles. 'Good. What's my full name?'

'Philip Micheal Lester.' Chris replies instantly. 'You're twenty eight, your birthday is the thirtieth of January.'

Phil laughs. 'Sit down Chris.'

Chris frowns. 'Me?'

'You.'

Chris looks behind him before taking a few steps back and sitting on the edge of the fighting platform.

Phil places a hand to his forehead, removing his hand from the side of his head. Chris lets it fall.

'Does your head hurt?' Phil inquires.

Chris shakes his head.

Phil sighs with relief. 'Just a reset then. You scared me.'

Pj lowers his gun to the ground., walking over with suspicion from his fellow students.

Chris stares at him.

'A reset?' Pj questions.

Phil smiles, understanding Pj's concern. He can see affection in his aura.

'It's nothing to be worried about. It's like he said on your first day. He gets stressed, his brain shortcuts to try and solve the issue. It's just his mixed up biology.'

Pj's eyebrows lower. Phil sees panic, confusion, and worry.

'So he just forgets everything?' Pj demands. He clicks. 'Like that?'

Phil reads him.

'There's no need to be angry Pj. It's just a part of him. His mind just pushes some stuff away for a while. We don't know the pattern as to what he forgets. This isn't the first time he's forgotten him. He's forgotten me too.' Phil huffs out air. 'There was that time we didn't even know he was having one until Luke came in and Chris nearly killed him.'

Emma looks distraught, she has nothing on how Pj looks in this moment.

Phil continues. 'The memories come back, or he passes out and it's there when he wakes up, and he feels less overwhelmed. He used to do this a lot in his teen years.'

'What are you talking about?' Chris asks. Phil faces him.

Phil puts a hand on his leg. 'Nothing.' He turns back to Pj. 'All of us that don't use an element have the ability to do this. It's just because Chris doesn't sleep that he actually does it.'

Pj's mouth falls open. He watches Chris . He ends up biting his lip.

'So he's fine?'

Phil sighs and smiles. 'He will be.'

There's a silence. Phil takes a look at the other four pupils. They look back at him.

'You've done enough work today. We'll take a longer break. Relax.' Phil orders.

Pj sits on the other side of Chris. Their sides pressed up against each other.

'I don't sleep?' Chris inquires. Phil shakes his head at him slowly.

'Not like the rest of us. You're different.'

Chris frowns again. 'Is different good?'

'As long as different isn't dangerous, it's good.' Phil answers.

Chris's eyebrows lower. 'I think I am dangerous.'

Phil laughs. 'You're a bit of a firecracker.' Phil puts his arm around his shoulder, pulling him in for a sideways hug. 'You're the best firecracker I know though.'

Chris smiles. He shrugs away from Phil's hug, leaning closer to Pj. Even if he doesn't know why.

The pupils have all walked over. Dan sits cross legged in front of Phil, Chris and Pj. Zoe, Troye, and Emma copy him.

'My name is Chris James Kendall.' He states again. Words trickle over syllables like they're hard.

Phil nods to encourage him.

'Do you remember your birthday?'

'Oct...October?'

Phil smiles. 'You were born on the second of October.'

This sparks something. Chris shouts.

'I remember that! When I was little, there was a festival on at the same time, my mum used to tell me it was for me.' Chris grins. Eyes distracted.

Pj's eyes widen.

'The second of October?' He questions.

Phil nods at him. Pj smiles.

'Chris, you definitely came from the mountains. They still have that festival. It's for the Hunter's Moon.' Pj looks at the group. 'Did any of the other sectors celebrate that?'

Dan shakes his head. 'Not in the desert. No hunting to be done.'

'Not in the marshlands.' Emma adds.

'Not in the lakes.' Troye and Zoe say in sync, looking at each other afterwards.

'Then you came from the mountains. They always celebrate it at the beginning of October even though the actual moon date changes.' Pj's smile is wide.

'I came from the mountains?' Chris asks Pj.

Pj nods. 'If you remember the festival, you must have.'

Chris nods, he exhales and smiles.

'I missed the festival. I remember that. When I was younger, October would come around and I'd never feel quite...right.'

'The festival was always weird for us. We all went into the villages with our lanterns and celebrated but our parents didn't.'

Chris frowns. Pj wonders if in this moment. Chris even knows who he is.

'Why didn't your parents go?' Chris asks.

Pj smiles at him. He forgets that there's people watching him.

'They stay behind with my neighbors. They still live far away, it’s just the way the farm land works, but my mum and dad knew them from their school time. I think it’s just the time that my parents decide to see them. They’ve been doing it since I was little.’ He smiles. ‘My mother says that the festival is supposed to be a time of kindness and a celebration of life. She finds more enjoyment in joining them.' Pj explains.

Chris nods . Pj can see his body becoming sluggish. Phil can too, preparing himself to catch him. He'd had a feeling that it might go this way.

Phil enjoys watching the two of them talk.

'That's... Amazing.' Chris comments. 'Did Jamie, Louis, and Sophie's parents stay behind too?'

Pj laughs when he realizes that Chris remembers that.

Then he stops when he realizes that he remembers that but not his name.

'Sophie's parents had to come with us. She wasn't a healthy kid so she needed a lot of watching when she was younger.'

Chris grimaces, putting a hand against his head.

Pj's instinct screams to put an arm around him and hold him up. He does.

'You never said Sophie wasn't-' Chris words cut off. He's still awake. Pj whispers to him.

'She grew out of it. She grew up tough as nails.' Pj states.

'Tougher than you?' Chris laughs, clearly in pain.

'She always did call me sappy.' Pj jokes. Chris laughs again.

'Are you okay Chris?' Phil finally interrupts.

Chris manages to shake his head before collapsing onto Pj's shoulder.

Pj grabs him, holding him still and safe.

'Is he alright?' Pj demands.

Phil checks Chris's pulse, opening his eyes and witnessing the reaction.

Chris’s aura has completely blacked out, it's vanished. It's normal. A part of the healing process.

'He's fine.' Phil declares.

'Does he do shit like that a lot?' Dan questions.

Emma snorts. 'Well he's never done it before.' Troye and Zoe laugh.

'He does it sometimes. He's stressed. He was probably watching you guys and overthinking and then his head just...went.'

'He's okay though right?' Pj repeats.

Phil looks into his eyes. Pj's eyes wide and panicked. His aura's a blaze.

'He's just sleeping. He'll be right as rain when he wakes up.' Phil exhales. 'He has pills to take if not. Chris is too valuable to lose.'

Zoe coughs. 'Then surely they wouldn't be sending him with us?'

Phil adjusts Chris, knowing that he can't leave until his friends have arrived. Pj holds him. Phil gives him a reassuring pat on the shoulder.

Phil smiles.

'They know Chris. He won't get taken down without a fight.' Phil pats the top of Chris's head. 'Too freaking stubborn for that.'

'Stubborn is good.' Pj whispers. Hoping Phil gets his double meaning.

Phil nods at him and then at Chris.

'I like stubborn too.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Tyler walks through the door and he sighs in relief.

Phil picks up Chris, asking Pj to help him move him.

They reach Chris's room. Phil could almost laugh when he realizes that Pj knows exactly where they're going.

Almost. Half of him wants to end this entire thing for the both of them right now.

The enter Chris's room, Phil puts Chris down on top of the covers. He smiles when he sees Pj remove Chris's shoes.

Pj kisses Chris on the forehead, turning around to look at Phil, obviously ready to leave.

'Doesn't it scare you?'

'What?'

'Getting your heartbroken?'

Pj smiles and shrugs.

'Yeah, but if it does break, it'll do what a lot of things in life do, it'll fix itself.' He looks at Chris. 'He's worth the risk.'

Phil frowns at them.

'I don't get it. Chris was the type that wouldn't do anything with additional risk. He stayed in his lane. He wasn't like...this.'

Pj laughs. 'Like what?'

'Sneaking around just to spend time with you. Sex with the same person for more than one night.' Phil snorts. 'He certainly wasn't the boyfriend type. He kept himself to himself. He stayed safe.’

Pj smirks at him.

'That's a lonely life Phil.'

Phil's mouth hangs open.

'I'm used to it.' Phil responds. 'I thought he was too.'

'You don't have to be used to it.' Pj states.

Phil stares at him for a long moment, judging his meaning from his aura. He's tempting him, trying to lead him to the light.

He's trying to get him to walk in Chris's footsteps, but to end up with a different person.

_Dan._

'That's my prerogative.' Phil glares at him. 'Come on, let's go.'

Pj kisses Chris again before walking out of the room.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris knows that he has to be dreaming.

It'd odd. He doesn't dream much. It's not that different to reality, is it?

The dream is fake. He knows this.

These people died a long time ago, Chris put the bullets in their heads.

Each and everyone of them.

Chris frowns at them being here again. That's weird.

Those eyes are dead, but their bodies are moving.

Chris has been tied down. His wrists and ankles to a table.

They drip blood on him with incoherent whispers.

A woman places a gun to his stomach, the metal is cold, she pulls the trigger again and again without having to reload.

Chris carries on sleeping through it.

It's when a knife begins to dig into his eyes, that he submerges out of sleep and gasps.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Chris?'

Chris's eyes open quickly. His breathing is hard. He can feel sweat on his skin.

'Chris?' Pj repeats.

Chris nods. 'Yes?' His heart bangs in his chest.

Pj's laying on the bed next to him.

'Were you having a nightmare?'

'Yeah.' Chris breathes. 'Could you tell?'

'You're normally a lot more still when you sleep.' Pj smiles.

Chris smirks. 'Been watching me?'

'Maybe.' Pj teases. 'I was also worried.'

Chris frowns. 'Why?'

Pj raises an eyebrow. 'You had a _'reset'_ Chris.'

Chris's eyes widen with the lack of memory.

'Shit, I did.' Chris desperately turns to Pj. 'Did I hurt anyone? Please-'

'You didn't. You forgot yourself.' Pj reassures him.

Chris sighs in relief. 'Thank fuck.' He puts a hand on his chest, his heart rate slowing down again.

'You never told me you could do that.'

Chris laughs, it shakes, 'I've not done it for flipping ages.'

'Phil said it happens when you get stressed.' Pj runs his fingers through Chris's hair, almost stroking him, Chris lets him.

Chris forces himself to smile at Pj, realizing he isn't even surprised he's there.

'Or when I get too overwhelmed. Puberty was a nightmare. I nearly killed Luke once.' Chris laughs. Pj chuckles.

Pj looks into his eyes. His hand rests half way through Chris's hair.

'How do I make it better?' He asks. Blinking while he does so. Mouth in a pout.

Chris grins, shaking his head at him.

'I'm still dreaming aren't I?'

Pj laughs. 'No.'

'Prove it.'

'I don't have tentacles for arms.'

Pj rolls onto his back, aiming a jazz hands at the ceiling. Chris chuckles.

'You don't have to make it better Pj.' Chris says. 'You know that.'

'I want to.' Pj insists.

Chris smiles at him.

'You already make it better.' Chris reaches out and pulls Pj to him, kissing him. Pj happily returns it. They break apart, both of them laying closer on the bed, facing each other this time. 'See.'

Pj grins. 'I think I do.' His eyes widen. 'I managed to heal Hannah a little bit today...'

Chris frowns. 'You trained without me, Pj, I said-'

'-I know what you said. We compromised.' Pj reaches out and takes his hand. 'I only tried to heal her today. Tomorrow, we'll just cut me.'

Chris opens his mouth to argue. Pj's eyes are defiant.

Chris can see a lost battle when he has one.

'Okay.'

Pj nods at him with conviction.

'Will you be able to sleep again?' Pj asks.

Chris shrugs. 'Probably not. It's for the best-'

He's interrupted by Pj kissing him.

'Good.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'I can't believe I missed another day.' Chris complains, walking down the hallway. Pj walks near him, but they won't risk anything.

The only people in the training room are Dan and Phil. Both of them talking to each other. Posture inviting, feet aimed at each other.

Chris raises an eyebrow at Phil. Phil blushes.

Chris clicks and points at Dan.

'I sent a message to the fire users on the front-line. They're putting aside a few lighters for you to use.'

Phil smiles. 'I wasn't sure if they'd do that.'

'Olga and me did a undercover mission a year ago. We've got each other's backs.'

Phil frowns. 'I never met Olga.'

Chris laughs. 'You wouldn't have. Second she got out of training, she was in missions. This is her first time on the front-line.'

Phil's eyebrows raise. 'Straight to covert?'

Chris rolls his eyes. 'She breathes fire Phil.'

Phil snorts. 'I read minds and I still had to do my time.'

'We were kids.'

A moments pause, Dan and Pj don't want to say anything wrong. Phil thinks.

'I don't think we really ever have been.' Phil responds.

'Maybe I'm still a child on the inside.'

'That's weird Chris.' Pj interrupts. Chris giggles.

'I've done weirder.'

Chris and Pj lock eyes, a second of silence.

Phil snorts. 'You definitely have.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris hates watching the knife go further and further into Pj's arm. The cuts heal quicker, more efficiently, the training pays off.

Chris tenses as the blood trails.

When Hannah leaves the room, he holds him so tightly that Pj thinks they might actually become one being.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj gets to see Dan wield his element again.

While he's been bleeding out in the other room, Dan's been improving massively. Losing his flame at one point and waiting until Mitchell got too close to steal his.

Looking around, Pj can see all of their improvement.

Emma molds the water, forcing it into spikes and piercing it through a target.

Troye's face of concentration is amazing. The water he's got his hand in freezes at his touch, then it becomes so hot it bubbles; cracking the container.

Zoe causes a vibration on the elevated platform that knocks Caspar off his feet. She stands tall throughout it.

Pj allows himself real hope.

Maybe after four more days of training. They'll live.

Maybe he can go home.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj waits in Chris's bed for him. Chris is spending the night discussing strategy with the others.

Chris comes in, he's tired and worn out. The definition on exhausted. Pj walks to him and holds him. Chris puts his head on his shoulder and breathes his lover in, calming himself.

They go to bed.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Time starts to fall away from Chris.

The strategy is flawed, but effective. It'll keep them alive. Hopefully all of them.

Chris has to stop worrying about the front-line. Worrying has a habit of making things to large to handle. Chris can't do that. It's dangerous.

He really needs to start plotting his actions for afterwards. Finding the possible endings to this and figuring out how to fight them for the best outcome.

As Chris begins to think, he realizes that most of the best outcomes involve his death.

It makes sense.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris's new favourite thing is Pj in the morning. He's always in this state of anger and fatigue, it's endearing.

Chris laughs as Pj moodily staggers to the shower. Pj smiles when Chris follows him.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Everyone's going to start panicking.' Pj states as they walk towards training.

Chris laughs. 'I've been panicking since I found out.'

'You're always panicking.'

Chris snorts. 'Constantly. Twenty four hours, seven days a week.'

'The full cycle of the moon.' Pj adds.

Chris is still giggling when they walk in.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Caspar and Joe are making their job of shooting harder by causing distractions and adding wind resistance. The other's watch from a distance. Phil stands with his arms crossed, next to Chris.

'Do you think they're doing alright?'

Emma gets pissed off at this exact moment. Summoning some of the water Joe is manipulating and throwing it into both of their faces.

Chris smiles. 'They're doing fine.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

They move swiftly in between training focuses. They all refuse a break.

Chris realizes that he may have to propose a day of rest before they travel. It could do them all a world of good.

He'll see how they are in three days time.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj falls down onto the bed. He's sweaty and satisfied. The night is cold. He can hear Chris's hard breathing.

'Time's starting to fly past.' Pj breathes.

Chris nods. 'That happens when you get closer to a fucking deadline. It's shit.'

Pj swallows. His fear rising in him, becoming even more evident.

'I'm scared.'

Chris smiles at him.

'It makes sense. I can't solve that.' Chris reaches out gently and caresses Pj's jaw. 'Nothing is going to hurt you tonight though.'

Pj bites his lip.

'You could break my heart.'

A pause

'You could break mine.' A smile. 'I won't break your heart tonight. I wouldn't anyway. Just let me hold you, it might make things better.'

A light kiss to his lips.

'You always do.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Light begins to fill the room. Chris watches it with dread.

Four days until they're fighting.

In a week, everything could have changed.

Everything.

Who's alive. The war. Whether Chris is considered a war hero or a murderer.

Chris closes his eyes. The possibility of all the abnormals being considered monsters is very real.

They're not all monsters. Some of them have become one as a result of their circumstance.

But who's the monster? The murderer, or the one that forced their hand.

It's too early for these thoughts.

Chris gets distracted as Pj begins to slur out words in his sleep.

He thinks he hears Pj's sisters name. He hears his own, he hears Dan, Emma. Then his mouth moves without voice.

Chris shakes his head and smiles at him.

'You're a goon.'

Chris pulls him closer.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Dan walks out of his room. They don't bother waking them up anymore, most of them go on their own to get food and then head straight to training.

Dan walks straight into Phil, nearly knocking both of them over.

'Fuck! Sorry.'

Phil smiles. 'It was an accident.'

Dan winces. 'Still. Sorry.'

'Don't be.' Phil grins at him. 'I came to ask if you want to get breakfast with me.'

Dan's eyes widen. 'Why me?'

Phil shrugs. 'We're friends.'

Dan's eyebrows shoot up. 'Isn't Chris your friend?'

Phil automatically looks towards Pj's room.

'Chris is busy. Besides, I wanted to talk to you. Breakfast seemed right and I hate eating alone.'

Dan grins at him. 'Let's go.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'What did you want to talk about?' Dan questions, taking small bites of food.

'I wanted to check on you.'

'On me?' Dan laughs. 'I'm fine.'

'I know what you're feeling Dan. Your aura's not the shade it normally is.'

As Phil talks, more pink gets put into Dan's aura. Embarrassment? Phil can't quite figure out what it is.

'I'm alright.' Dan shrugs. 'I'm just...' Dan sighs. 'I'm having a bit of a crisis.'

Phil smiles. 'Talk to me.'

'I'm just worried. About...you know. And everyone else. The front-line. The war ending, us maybe losing. My family...' Dan winces. 'My baby brother...'

Phil nods. 'I have an older one. He's normal. I still think about him sometimes.' Phil snorts. 'Though, pretty much all the abnormals you know are my brothers and sisters.'

Dan sighs, forcing himself to keep his mouth upturned.

'You and Chris do have that vibe.'

Phil analyzes his aura change.

'How old is your brother?'

Dan laughs. 'God, he's not a baby anymore. He's only five years younger than me-' Dan flinches. 'Phil. Could he be like me?' Dan demands, face paling, aura changing.

Phil shakes his head. 'It's rare for siblings to both be abnormals. There's a reason my brother's not running around.' Phil says. He adds. 'Or Chris's sister.'

Dan's eyes fly wide. 'Chris has a sister?'

Phil shrugs. 'He doesn't remember a lot of details about his family. He thinks he might have had one.' Phil chuckles. 'It'd be nice to find out.'

Dan frowns. 'It's shitty that he has to find out.'

'He's come to terms with it. So have I. If you had been here longer, you might have too.'

'Come to terms with Chris having bad memory?'

'No.' Phil smiles. 'Come to terms with bad things.'

Dan frowns. 'Bad things?'

'Sometimes you can't stop them, sometimes you just need to work with them for the best outcome.' Phil grins. 'One day, Chris might get to meet his sister again. That would be brilliant, even if he doesn't know her name.'

Dan snorts. 'He doesn't know his name.'

Phil carries on grinning. 'Yes, he does. It's Chris. He's always going to be Chris. He made that his name.'

An inquisitive look.

Dan smiles at him, squinting. 'You're proud of him.'

Phil chuckles. 'Yes. He's grown a lot. Even if he really annoys me, and I sort of hate him.'

'I think that's how everyone feels about Chris.' Dan jokes.

Phil takes a second to stare at his smile, his eyes., to take in his humor.

Dan stares back.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris strolls into the training room with Louise behind him.

The room is full. He quickly finds that pair of green eyes that he loves. Forcing himself to ignore them.

'Guns to start. Normal schedule. Up the trickiness. Keep them on their toes.' Chris orders. He finds Connor standing next to Troye. 'I need to get Phil into fighting shape. You, Tyler and Louise are in charge-' Dean coughs. 'And Dean.' Jack coughs. 'And Jack.' Luke waves. Chris grins. 'I need to get you back into fighting shape too.'

Luke grins back. 'Let's go then.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Luke and Phil stand on the platform.

Phil looks at Chris with raised eyebrows.

'Are you going to get up here?'

Chris grins at him.

'I'm going to watch.'

Luke laughs.

'Are you going to wank to it?'

Chris giggles. 'How did you know?'

Luke smiles. 'Intuition.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Take your top off!'

'Shut up Chris!'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Phil flips Chris onto his back. Chris grunts as he pushes Phil back with his foot.

Pj watches his lover move with harsh sounds and powerful grace. He slowly begins to blush.

He feels Louise smack him around the back of the head.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris is pissed off when he finally gets so tangled up in a spar that he has to concede. Phil smirks at him.

'Convenient switch to ability training to save your honour?'

'Bless you.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris is pushed against his bedroom wall the moment he shuts his door. He can't say it surprises him. Pj had been off throughout his ability training. It'd taken Chris twenty seconds to figure out he was turned on. He'd spent the rest of it trying to make sure Hannah didn't.

Pj grinds his hips into Chris and Chris stops thinking.

Chris slides his hands over Pj's arse, feeling it.

Their lips collide, brushing together. They each take and give simultaneously.

They fall onto the bed. Moans are made, clothes come off and skin is on skin.

They melt together, whole bodies touching. Coming closer to orgasm with light touches, that become heavier and harder. Pj's eyes roll as the pleasure washes over him.

Chris falls onto him, they catch breath, and finally they curl up together.

Chris doesn't think again. He daydreams while looking at his lovers peaceful face.

He doesn't recall ever feeling so calm.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris listens to the sound of Pj singing in the shower the next morning. Chris blinks his eyes shut again and listens to his voice.

Eventually, Pj is in the room and he's kissing him.

It's good.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris is the last person at training again.

He's always loved being consistent.

The group are standing in a large circle.

Chris puts his hands around his mouth, acting as a megaphone.

'Listen up nerds!'

Tyler laughs. 'Shut up.'

'Never!' Chris shouts back. He returns his hands to his sides.

'What is it?' Dan asks.

Chris nods at him before looking at the rest of the group.

'We only have these two days before we travel. I want to know whether we want to make today the last day of training and have a rest tomorrow.'

The pupils look among themselves.

The trained abormals make their minds up.

'Is that clever?' Dean questions.

Chris shrugs. 'I have faith in them.'

'They can do it. A day won't make a difference.' Phil defends.

'We'll train if they want to though.' Chris adds.

Emma coughs. 'I'd like the day off.' She laughs. 'It could be my last so fuck it.' Luke chuckles at her.

'Same.' Dan says.

'I'd like to have a happy day to think back to.' Zoe answers.

Troye smiles at Connor.

'I'll have the day off if you'll take me swimming again.'

Chris marks the dilation in Connor's eyes. He frowns.

_How the fuck have these people come in here completely untrained and made us all fall for them?_

'Of course I'll take you.'

Tyler snorts. Louise joins him in giggling. Connor glares at them.

Pj looks at him. Green eyes as bright as they were on that first day. His smile wider though. He's incredibly alive.

_Oh yeah. That's how._

'I'll go with the group.' Pj concludes.

Everyone looks at Chris. Chris solely has eyes for Pj. His arms are crossed.

'Then I will too.' He turns to everyone else. 'Train hard guys. Last day.'

Everyone jumps into action. Dan stands still. He watches.

'Last day...' He repeats.

Chris puts a hand on his shoulder.

'You'll be fine buddy. Come on, shoot things.'

Dan turns to the others, all of whom are waiting for him.

For the first time, people want him. Dan's accepted.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Putting the guns back down feels oddly emotional to Pj.

Next time he picks one of these up, it'll be to defend himself, to take lives, to fight so he can live.

Putting down the gun makes this seem real.

Far too real.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Hannah is overly patient with him, Pj is happy about it. She needn't be so kind.

The only thing that keeps Pj from freaking out in Chris's hand on his leg. It grounds him.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris runs out at the end of training.

'You're all fucking trained at the courtesy of me, Phil and everyone else!' He shouts into the room. 'Feel free to leave a review and a complaint.'

He hears Dan chuckle.

Phil grins at him.

'We kind of did it.'

Chris beams at him. 'It was better than I expected.'

They high five. Tyler smiles at them and shakes his head.

'Are we going onto the roof tonight?'

Chris immediately shakes his head.

'No. Everyone should get some sleep tonight. It'll be easier. We'll finish our traditions tomorrow.'

Tyler nods his agreement.

'I'm going to go and have a shower then.'

'Think of me.' Chris jokes.

'I always do. Are we dismissed?'

'You all are.'

Chris and Phil exchange another look. Phil reads his aura. It's essentially a small sun. Phil can detect his pride, and his fear. As well as something else.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj played cards with the other, the no-longer-trainees.

Dan finally won a game. He'd flipped a chair. Emma fell of one laughing.

Pj thinks of it fondly as he heads to Chris's room. Terror swelling in him, he wants to talk to Chris about it, get his bearings, find out how scared he should be.

He walks into Chris's room and finds him unconscious on the floor.

'Chris!'

Pj runs to him, dropping to his knees.

His heart nearly stops when he thinks he isn't breathing, then he sees the movement of his chest. Pj sighs.

'You scared me.'

Pj kisses his forehead.

He gets up, walking and blocking the door.

He moves back to Chris.

An arm under his knees and an arm around his back. Pj manages to lift him.

'Your training paid off. Look at me.' He jokes. Chris stays asleep.

Pj puts him on the bed. Chris was clearly getting ready for the night when he blacked out.

Pj shuts the window, moves the bed sheets, and slides Chris under them. Trying his best not to hurt him. He thinks he's successful.

Pj gets into bed next to him. His presence making Pj's fear worse.

'Nothing will hurt us tonight.' Pj pulls Chris closer. 'I promise.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Nobody bothers Chris and Pj that night. They curl further into each other in their sleep.

Even as sunlight begins to pour in through the window, they are left sleeping.

They wake up slowly. Pj wakes first.

They stare into each other's eyes without a word. The world silent yet warm.

'Good morning.' Chris whispers.

'Is it?' Pj questions, the threat laying over them like a hard weight.

'Yeah. For now.'

Chris wraps his arms around Pj and kisses his forehead.

'For now.' Pj repeats.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Dan doesn't remember the last time he slept that well.

It has to be midday. He frowns after a moment.

Why didn't anyone wake him up?

He shrugs it off. He's halfway through getting out of his bed when the panic hits him.

Oh god...

He hyperventilates. Hands in his hair.

This is real.

He pulls his legs up.

This is real. This isn't some fucking game. This could...

Dan can't even cry. He just looks at the wall and information falls onto him like waves.

This is real. This is real. This is real.

He might not have been woken up because they might already be dead.

Dan can't breath. He can't breath.

They're going to die. His family don't love him. He's only just found people that like him. He's going to die.

There's a bright light and the calling of his name.

_They're dead too. Maybe I'm dead._

Arms go around him, a reassuring shushing in the background.

'I'm so fucking scared.'

A hand strokes over him. Dan can feel it shaking.

'Me too.'

It's only then that Dan realizes the voice is Phil.

He tucks himself into his side. The world feels a bit better.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Troye feels free in the water, swimming as quickly and as fluidly as he can.

Connor laughs at him, then he loses him, looking out and not seeing his shape in the pool.

Connor doesn't panic this time. He treads water and waits for Troye to surface, smiling at the thought of it.

The water ripples. Troye gently breaks the surface. His wet curls stick to his forehead. Connor frowns at them. He lifts an arm out of the water, brushing them out of the way. Connor returns his arm to the water. Using it to keep his head above the water.

Troye's mouth falls open, he stares at Connor.

'Are you okay?'

Connor smiles. 'Right now? Yes.'

Troye's mouth turns upwards.

'Not after now then?'

Connor shakes his head. 'No. I still get scared. It's human.'

Troye bites his lip.

'Could we be dead in a week?'

Connor tries to shrug in the water and nearly falls underneath the surface.

'Maybe. Anything could happen.'

Troye blinks. The words are deliberate and nearly flustered.

'Could I kiss you?' He blushes. 'Please.'

Connor wants to, with his full force.

'It'd be risky.' Connor answers.

Troye nods. 'Everything is.'

Connor stares at him.

'Swimming is risky.'

Troye bites his lip again.

'I know.'

'So's drowning.'

Troye laughs.

'I know. I nearly did.'

Connor absorbs his face with his eyes. Wet, pretty. At risk.

At risk, yet without his power, already dead.

Living on borrowed time.

And what a shame it'd be to waste it.

Connor launches himself at him. Lips on lips, water around them. Splashing.

They fall under the surface, Connor panics to get back. Troye doesn't let him. He just kisses him again.

And Connor has air. He can breathe in Troye's recycled air. 

Troye's the best form of oxygen he's ever had.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Zoe stands alone in the training room. She hadn't aimed to get here. It'd just happened.

Everything begins to shake as the anxiety she has known he whole life builds.

In her worry, she runs to the elevated platform. Climbing onto it.

She begins to scream her worry out, falling to the ground with it. Tears rolling down her cheeks. The whole place shakes. The world shakes. She shakes. She. Can't. Stop. It.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Emma throws her head back and laughs for the fifth time in two minutes. Luke laughs with her. Emma makes it easy to.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The corridor was suspiciously empty. Pj returned to his room and shut the door after him.

Pj can't quite grasp the words for what he's feeling. He guesses that doom would be it. The sense of ending and failure. Hopelessness?

Life could never be so simple as to give him one feeling to manage. He has to have a barrel of them.

He misses home. Pj falls onto his bed. Time alone seeming like a great gift.

He's been so busy that he hasn't even had the chance to miss them. His family have rested in a corner of his mind.

Now he's scared, they're back again. Because family makes him less scared. It does make him more wistful.

God, he wishes they were here.

Well, he doesn't. He wishes he was home. He wishes he had Louis and Sophie and Jamie near him. He wishes his team was here. They were always a team...

He's got a new team that he trusts. Chris and Phil and the others...they'll look after him. They'll get all of them through this.

Right?

Pj snorts.

_Well if they don't, it's not exactly like I'm going to be around complaining about it._

Pj stops laughing,

_What if I am?_

Pj's heart stops.

_I can't be the one left. I can't watch Dan die and then go home. I can't watch Troye or Phil, Zoe or Emma, the others, Chris..._

_That'd kill me. I've seen too much of these people to watch them die._

Pj closes his eyes.

_I couldn't have just carried on being super sour like the first day could I?_

He sighs. Faces fly through his head. Time does.

_No._

He catches himself smiling at memories.

Time, that was actually, well spent.

Playing cards. Laughing on treadmills. Sparring with Emma and her potty mouth. Troye's sarcasm. Dan's sarcasm. Their combined sarcasm. Nights that left Pj exhausted.

The way Chris kisses him.

 _No._ He smiles _. I wouldn't have had it any other way._

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj's thoughts are so fluid that he barely even recognizes them.

He hears shouting, and laughter.

He hears the screaming of a name and it all makes sense.

'CHRIS!'

'WHAT?'

'STOP IT!'

'WHY SHOULD I?'

More laughter. Pj pulls himself off his bed and looks outside.

As he opens his door, he sees that most of the others have done the same. Troye's door remains shut.

He sees Chris forward roll to Troye's door. Phil laughs again. Catching Pj's eye.

'He's been drinking.' Phil explains.

Chris opens the door and freezes solid.

He starts laughing. The other abnormals exchanging looks.

'Well HEEELLLLOOO THERE!'

'Chris, get out.' A voice orders.

'Whatever you say Connor. Use protection.' Chris grins.

'We already have.' Troye answers.

Pj, Zoe and Dan's jaws drop to the ground. Emma snorts. Phil nods, having expected it to a degree.

Chris carries on laughing.

'Have you now?'

They can hear Connor laughing too.

'We might have.'

Chris shrugs.

'I could give you some tips on how to keep this door shut if you want.'

'Put up a sign saying 'Come back later, I'm getting some.'?' Troye questions.

Chris nods. 'That'll do. I'm going to leave you to it now.'

More laughter.

The door shuts and the laughter from inside the room is audible from outside it.

Chris grins at Phil. Phil rolls his eyes.

'Well that was obvious.' Chris comments.

Dan snorts, eyes wide. 'Was it?'

Chris chuckles. 'Longing looks, open posture..' Chris hisses. '...Some noticeable pupil dilation.' He nods once. 'Definite mirroring. Constant laughter. Risking body contact-'

'-So you can read people like books?' Dan asks.

Chris shakes his head. 'No. I can read people like a foreign language that I know the basis of. Phil can read people like books.' Chris smiles at him. 'He's just decent enough to keep them shut.'

Phil frowns at him.

'You're not a philosophical drunk. What's up with you?'

Chris grins. 'I'm not that drunk, and I got laid this morning.'

Phil shudders and rolls his eyes. Pj blushes. Zoe and Emma take it as a joke.

'Ew Chris.'

Chris snorts. He walks to Phil. He bops him on the nose and walks down the corridor singing to himself.

Phil watches him go, as does everyone else.

'I feel sorry for whoever sleeps with him.' Dan comments.

Phil laughs. Pj feels something strange to him. Anger.

'He's more attractive than you.' Pj retorts. Phil shoots Pj a look.

Dan nods. 'I know. I feel sorry for whoever sleeps with me too.'

Pj can't help but laugh, even if he is slightly annoyed that someone would insult Chris.

Actually, why is he even annoyed? It's not like Pj wants more people to want to sleep with his boyfriend.

Phil interrupts his thoughts.

'Well, that was entertaining. Come with me to the roof, we have a tradition to upkeep.'

Zoe giggles. 'What about Troye and Connor?'

'They'll make their own way.'

They begin to collectively walk.

Dan snorts. 'Yeah they will.' Dan says under his breath.

Pj laughs. 'What does that even mean?'

Dan swats at him. 'Fight me.'

'Gladly.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Phil chuckles at the noise he can hear from the roof.

He opens the door. Immediately spotting Chris laying down, with his head in Tyler's lap. Both of them are laughing.

Other abnormals from training are spread around, chatting in small groups. Their conversations are all split.

'Having fun?' Phil asks, walking to them. The others follow. Chris spots Pj and smiles.

'I'm having a pretty good day.' Chris responds.

'I thought you'd be drunker.' Phil retorts.

'Meanie.'

'Aren't you even a little scared?' Tyler interrupts. 'We're going to war tomorrow.'

Chris snorts. 'It's not exactly like it's my first time. Two decades, Tyler.'

Tyler grimaces. 'It's different this time.'

Chris laughs. 'As if that wasn’t fucking obvious from the way everybody's FUCKING LIKE BUNNIES!'

'You're just upset because you're not getting any poon.' Mitchell states, jumping in from his conversation with Jack.

Chris laughs again at the inside joke.

'What does poon mean?...' He starts.

'I think it means vagina.' Mitchell and Chris say in sync.

Phil frowns. 'It does...'

Mitchell, Tyler, and Chris fall into hysterics. A few other abnormals glare at them.

Chris wipes a tear. 'He has all the answers.'

'He's the oracle.' Tyler adds.

'Tell us Philip, what do they actually say about men with big feet?' Chris begs with dramatics.

Phil rolls his eyes at them.

'I know that! Big feet equals lots of friends!' Mitchell shouts. They giggle once more. 'And that extra large dick!'

Chris snorts.

'Connor's got quite big feet.'

The group shudder.

Tyler shakes his head. 'I introduced them. This is brilliant.'

Chris smirks. 'Jealous?'

Tyler huffs. 'No...'

Chris shakes his head, finally rising off Tyler's lap.

'I'll leave you to it.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Isn't it kind of bad that being honest is a tradition here?' Dan questions.

Chris snorts. 'In some places, it's tradition to dip yourself in water and give yourself to whatever god there may be.'

The entire circle frown at him. Chris takes a long drink.

'Where do they do that?' Zoe asks.

Chris bites away his smile.

'In the other nation. I did undercover stuff. I had that done when I was fifteen.' Chris laughs. 'I killed someone two days later, so much for a clean soul.'

Phil stares at him.

'Do you think you'd be a different person if you'd stayed in the mountains?' Dan asks, out of the blue.

Chris chuckles. 'Since when did this become Chris interrogation time?'

Phil huffs. 'You'd be in more pain if you were being interrogated.'

'Or there'd be more people in my head.' Chris grimaces. 'Still not about the torture life.'

Tyler smirks. 'Not one for S&M then?'

Chris shakes his head before he sings. 'Cause I may be bad, but I'm perfectly good at it...'

Tyler clasps both of his hands together.

'Oh! The memories!'

'That was a fun day.'

Tyler rolls his eyes. 'Shame about where we went afterwards.'

Chris shrugs. 'I've got a thick skin.'

'And an elastic heart?' Phil questions.

Chris grins at him and Phil grins back.

'What the fuck are you talking about?' Emma interrupts.

The others laugh.

'Song lyrics.' Chris explains. 'We broke into the storage once and listed to loads of albums, we ended up doing it loads before they caught on and completely locked it down. The first time we did it, we broke in to distract ourselves from a mission. It was brilliant.'

'Did it work?' Pj demands.

Chris smiles at him. 'No.'

Tyler frowns. 'I miss music.'

Chris frowns too. He's gotten so caught up in now, that he forgot to be wistful.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Connor and Troye come onto the roof, both of them are messy.

Chris starts giggling.

'The walk of shame.' Chris exclaims.

Troye grins at him.

'Have you been there too? The walk of shame?'

Chris shakes his head.

'I normally have sex, or get laid in my own bed.' Chris responds, half joking. Pj looks at the ground with wide eyes. 

'Are you the one getting laid or the one laying?' Tyler inquires.

Chris snorts. 'Personal.'

'Isn't that what this whole thing is about?'

Chris grins.

'I'm not picky.' Chris responds. He turns. 'Should we interrogate Connor and Troye on that or not?' Chris inquires.

Troye and Connor exchange a nervous look.

Phil rolls his eyes.

'No. It'd be mean Chris.' Phil says,

'All the more reason!' Chris drinks from his bottle.

'No.'

'Yes.'

'No.'

_'Yes.'_

'No.'

'I'll beat you up.'

Phil sighs. 'I'd lose.'

'Exactly.' Chris grins. He turns to Connor and Troye. 'So... where do we start?'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris stops winding them up when Connor goes bright red.

He moves on to winding up Phil.

Phil derails the subject, so they're talking about the tradition again.

'So is this essentially a chat but with less boundaries?' Emma inquires.

Chris snorts. 'It's not exactly Christmas as far as traditions go-'

'-It's all we've got.' Connor finishes.

'We're a group of people with fucking superpowers. We can think up a better tradition than that.' Dan encourages.

Chris smirks at Tyler.

'I could jump off the roof and Tyler could catch me. The tradition of thrill seeking?'

Tyler shrugs. 'Let's do it.'

Both of them try to stand up. Phil rolls his eyes and grabs Chris's arm.

'You're too drunk for that.'

'You don't control me Phil.' Chris breaks out of Phil's grasp.

He sneaks a look at Pj. Pj shakes his head at him.

Chris deeply sighs. He sits down. Phil frowns, looking at Pj.

Pj smiles at Chris, Chris melts. Phil can see it in his aura, it's actually kind of sickening.

Tyler chucks himself back on the ground.

'We'll think of a new tradition if we survive this.' Tyler says. The group laughs.

'Do you think we will?' Troye questions.

Tyler grimaces. 'It's best not to ask questions like that.'

'Answer it.' Chris prompts him. 'If you die, you'll never regret it.'

Tyler cackles. 'Is that how you live your life?'

Chris shrugs and takes a drink. 'It's gotten me this far.'

'Still not dead.' Phil supplies.

'Still not wanting to be dead either.' Chris retorts.

Phil frowns at him.

Pj licks his lip. 'What do you want after this?' Pj inquires.

Chris smiles at him. His aura's shade changes.

'In life?' Chris replies. Pj nods at him. Chris shrugs. 'Freedom. Live on my own terms. Take a few more risks.' Chris snorts. 'To not be the governments bitch. To not have the whole nation scared of me because of what they've been taught in school and shown on the TV.'

Chris smiles at Pj.

'Maybe a person to be free with.' Chris adds.

Pj grins at him and even though the sky is dark, his world isn't.

'You're so lame.' Phil pitches in.

Chris turns around and stares at him.

'Did you just do a me? Did I just do a you?' Chris demands.

Phil's eyes widen. 'Oh, fuck me.'

'You swore. I haven't sworn yet. We're morphing.' Chris states with fake awe.

'Kill me.'

'Only if you kill me too.'

'What's wrong with me?' Phil jokes.

'What's wrong with me?' Chris retorts. Smirking.

_'Everything.'_

Group laughter.

'Real classy Phil. Make me feel shit why don't you.'

'It's a pleasure.'

Chris laughs. 'You really are turning into me.'

'There's worse things.'

'Aw, buddy-'

'-I hate to interrupt but your friendship is making me feel lonely so can you not?' Tyler requests.

Chris chuckles. He stands up, takes a few steps, and sits back down in Tyler's lap. Tyler rolls his eyes.

'You have to deal with this now.' Chris shouts.

Tyler shakes his head and smiles. 'I've had worse.'

Chris snorts. 'True as fuck.' He holds out his hand and his bottle flies into it.

Phil laughs. 'Power perks.'

'We all have them.' Chris drinks. 'Just mine are more convenient.'

'I'd hardly say they're convenient.' Pj says.

'They're actually kind of scary.' Emma pitches in.

Chris sighs. 'I'm used to it.' He turns around and looks at Tyler. 'You have such an uncomfortable lap to sit on!'

Tyler huffs. 'Well sorry.'

'Plus, is that a knife in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?' Chris jokes.

Tyler removes a switchblade from his trousers. Chris raises an eyebrow at him.

'You're supposed to keep those in the armory for a reason.'

'But comedy...'

Chris laughs. 'I'm going to get off you now.'

'But Dad...' Tyler jokes.

Chris smirks at him.

'I think you mean Daddy.'

Tyler snorts. 'Whatever you're about Big Boy.'

Chris laughs, whistling afterwards.

'Sorry, Tyler. I'm going to have to keep our romantic relationship purely fictional.' Chris says.

Tyler smiles.

'I'll be with you in my wildest dreams...'

Chris jumps off Tyler's lap.

He starts laughing.

'Tyler Swift.'

Tyler and Chris make eye contact and fall into giggles.

'What are you two even doing?' Mitchell questions, turning into their conversation. Previously having been talking to Louise.

'I never know anymore! Trying my best!' Chris complains.

'That's a little sad.' Tyler comments.

'Don't you dare come for me.' Chris says. 'I have Phil on my back all the time as it fucking is...'

'You love me.'

Chris looks at the big circle of people around him. He doesn't think of a response.

Most of them are chatting among themselves. A few are watching Chris. Most are watching Mitchell, Hannah, Dean, Louise, and Jack.

It's relaxed. It's peaceful and dark. It feels like there should be a campfire. Instead, the moonlight brightens the scene.

He spins and says everyone's names in his head. Almost everyone is present, a few people having chosen to spend the night alone.

Mitchell, Hannah, Louise, Jack, Dean. Troye and Connor. Emma, Luke, Caspar and Joe. Zoe. Dan and Phil. Tyler.

Pj and himself.

He swallows. He turns to Phil.

'It's different isn't it?'

Phil blinks once, before nodding.

'It's never going to be the same. Is it? We're never going to have another one of these nights?' Chris continues.

Phil slowly nods.

'It's nearly over Chris.' He smiles.

Chris frowns.

He looks at Pj out of the corner of his eye.

'Do secrets matter anymore?' Chris begs.

Pj smiles at him.

So does Phil.

'Not all of them. Let them go.'

'Because they won't use it against me anymore? I won't make it more dangerous?'

Tyler frowns at him.

'No.'

Chris turns and looks solidly at Pj.

He doesn't say anything. He just looks at him. Pj keeps his eye contact, smiling even wider.

The group doesn't get much quieter. The few people nearby watch them. Most of them confused. Louise and Phil watch with a smile.

'Would it be okay if I held you right now?' Chris finally asks. Tyler's eyebrows shoot straight up, as do Dan's.

Pj smirks. 'I'd be a pretty shitty boyfriend if I said no, wouldn't I?'

Chris laughs. Tyler and Dan gasp.

'I was right!' Tyler shouts. A few extra people look at them.

'You're shitting me.' Dan exclaims. He groans. 'That makes so much sense.'

'Wait, did I hear that right?' Emma inquires.

Chris sits next to Pj, he pulls Pj onto his lap. Pj giggles.

Emma's eyebrows raise.

'Did you?' Pj asks.

Emma puts a hand on her face.

'How the fuck didn't I see that?'

Pj scrunches up his nose. 'I don't really know. I wasn't super good at hiding it.'

'We were alright.' Chris puts his arms around him, hugging him. Pj is sat sideways and can't return it. He just grins.

The pure look of happiness on Pj's face nearly breaks Tyler. He's never felt like that.

Pj might never feel like it again after tomorrow.

'We did the job.' Pj returns.

'For as long as we needed to.' Chris says.

Pj kisses Chris's forehead. The others have seen. Most of them slowly nodding. Some of them envious. Some of them scared for them.

Pj wishes his sister could meet Chris.

Chris wishes that Pj could be completely safe. As well as everyone on the roof with him, and a few others.

The others return to normal. Phil explaining to Tyler why they lied to him. Dan watching everyone. Emma talking to Luke. Zoe chatting with Louise.

'Do you really think we'll be okay?' Pj whispers.

Chris looks into his eyes. Pj's hair is bathed by moon light.

He's completely content. This boy that drives him wild, is here for now. He's okay.

Even if they did just sort of come out based on a rushed decision that Chris doubts he'll ever regret.

'Yeah.' Chris rubs his back. 'We'll get us through this. I promise.'

Pj smiles, he rests his head on Chris's shoulder. Chris can't stop grinning, despite the terror growing in him.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Do you ever feel guilty Chris?' Tyler asks, he's been quiet for a long time. The group has calmed down. All of them are sitting down. Very few people are talking at once.

Chris frowns, squeezing Pj.

'Sometimes. I've learned how to cope.' Chris answers. He laughs. 'I've been doing this a long time.'

'A really long time.' Phil adds.

Chris laughs.

'Thanks for elaborating that Phil.'

'You're welcome.'

'I still feel guilty.' Tyler interrupts. 'Kinda sick.'

The group look to Chris. He's the most senior one there, even if he's not the oldest.

Chris raises an eyebrow.

'Can you live with what you've done?'

Tyler nods.

'Then you do that. Because you have to.' Chris finishes.

Tyler nods again.

'Is it bad that I still feel homesick before I go to the front-line?' Tyler questions.

Chris shakes his head.

'I don't get that anymore, barely remember home.' Chris smiles. 'I had a mum. I think I had a dad. A little sister.’ Pj’s eyes widen, but he stays quiet. ‘Names are gone. Fucking memory.' Chris jokes. A light chuckle goes around the group.

Pj kisses his forehead. 'I'll try and remember for you.'

Chris smiles back. 'You don't have to.'

'I like a challenge.' Pj says.

'I'm so lucky to have you.'

'And I you.'

A small kiss. He can pretty much hear Tyler's eye roll.

'We should have told everyone earlier.'

'He's your pupil!' Tyler exclaims.

'It's not like I showed him favoritism.'

'I'm pretty sure I'm his favourite.' Dan jokes.

'Er, wrong.' Emma adds.

'I'm the dark horse.' Zoe contributes. If Chris watches her for long enough, her smile seems fake, but it's there, and hopefully it'll stay.

Chris laughs, burying his face in Pj's shoulder. Pj is sitting up so he can talk.

'We pretty much just dated at nighttime.' Pj says. 'He said at the beginning he wasn't going to pick favorites.'

'I have the same amount of affection for all of you. It's just different for Pj.' Chris sits back up. 'It's his fault really. Look at him.'

Pj rolls his eyes. 'This again?'

'He's the pretty one.'

'Oh my god-'

'The _really_ _really_ _really_ pretty one.' 

'I hate you.'

'Nah, I just drive you insane.'

Pj huffs. 'You can say that again.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The night is drawing to a close. However much they try to stop it, it just won't stay the same.

Pj is still sat on Chris's lap. The group having gotten over it. Shouted out their disbelief. Complained if necessary.

Most of them retorted to Phil for defense. Phil stayed on Chris's side. It helped sway them.

Chris was honestly expecting a bit more uproar. Chris has been famous in the past for not shutting up about how he thinks relationships are stupid in this place. How he thinks they leave one person broken beyond repair and normally another dead.

That's what happened to Felix and Marzia. Why shouldn't it happen to everyone else?

He sees Connor and Troye holding hands. Caspar and Joe's longing eyes, Chris can see ever single bit of their want. Luke and Emma's sneaking glances. Dan and Phil's...being Dan and Phil.

Chris knows that most love ends in destruction. But he doesn't have to let his get destructive. Nobodies's in the group has to end in death.

Right?

Chris holds Pj a little closer. Pj allows it. The arms calming him. Putting him at ease.

He needs a bit of ease before the storm.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'If we go to our bedrooms now, we'll have twelve hours before we actually have to leave.' Phil comments.

Chris sighs. 'We calling it a night then?'

The group start discussing their plans.

'You're not technically our teachers. You're not in charge of us anymore.' Pj points out.

Chris smirks at him. He talks into his ear. Making him shiver.

'You like being bossed about.' Using the tone that Pj has begun to associate with sex. 'Remember?'

Pj blushes.'Yes, but don't tell everyone.' Pj whispers back.

Chris kisses his cheek.

'If I don't tell everyone, can we have like crazy sex in a bit?'

Pj laughs. 'I was planning on it anyway.'

'Oh my god! Get a room!' Tyler shouts.

Chris shrugs at Pj.

'Shall we?'

Pj grins. 'Sure. Super.'

Chris uses his power to get Pj to his feet. Pj is used to it. Chris jumps up and takes his hand.

The walk to the door. Chris goes straight through, he'll see them all again tomorrow, Pj turns and shouts.

'Night guys!'

Everyone's too shocked to respond.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris and Pj run through empty hallways, laughing to themselves.

Chris stops to kiss his boyfriend.

Pj forgets where he is, as well as his circumstance.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris and Pj take the life of the group with them. The revelation of their relationship had provided distraction.

The distraction's gone and they're going to war tomorrow. There's nothing they can do anymore. Except create their own distractions and sleep.

Mitchell and Hannah vanish to their own rooms, Phil thinks to sleep. They'd both had worry and sleep in their auras. Neither of them have a facade that allows them to show it. Both of them will have to take different transport to the front-line, there simply won’t be enough space in the vehicle.

Connor and Troye leave.

Phil lets the group talk for a few more minutes. Dan's seemingly hyped up. His aura is similar to when they first met.

That small pinpoint of black is growing in size. Phil doesn't know how to fix it.

'It's getting late guys. We've got a big day tomorrow...' Phil starts.

There's some protest, but they stand up. They walk, and they return to their rooms.

Dan stays on the roof for a moment longer. He's the last one on it.

He smiles.

'Thank you.' He says to the empty rooftop. 'Thank you for everything.'

Phil smiles at him, confused.

'What are you doing Dan?' Phil questions.

Dan turns to look at him.

'Saying goodbye.' Dan answers.

Phil frowns at him.

'Why?'

Dan shrugs. 'It might be the last time I can. Some great things have happened here.'

Dan's words cause Phil to think.

He thinks about the first ever funeral, the second ever, who they were in honor of. He thinks about the taint they left on this space, people only ever come up here for funerals and traditions. Phil and Chris always liked the quiet. He remembers star gazing, and training, and tears and laughter.

He thinks about how this space has always been there for him. It's been a home when he's needed it.

'Thank you.' Phil repeats, talking to the roof.

Dan giggles. 'It probably means more to you than it does to me.'

Phil laughs with him. 'It does. Doesn't mean it doesn't mean anything to you though.'

'I guess...Even though I didn't want to be here. I've made some great friends. If I had to die with anybody...'

Phil chuckles. 'It could be worse. Come on.' Phil gestures to the door. 'You need to rest.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Phil turns to leave Dan to sleep.

'Phil! Wait!'

Phil spins around, raising his eyebrows at him.

'What's wrong?'

Dan bites his lip.

'Stay with me. Don't leave me alone. Please.'

Phil smiles.

'Never.' He promises.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Phil ends up with Dan in his arms. Phil falls asleep first. His even breathing is a lullaby to Dan. He doesn't need to take pills to sleep that night.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Connor watches Troye for a while before sleeping.

He thinks through whether he regrets this or not. Whether this was a spur of the moment 'I'm kinda scared' thing, or more.

He knows the answer when Troye's face contorts in his slumber and Connor immediately wants to kiss him better.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'How the fuck are you so pointy?'

Luke chuckles.

'I didn't mean it like that, you prick!'

'I don't know Emma, how am I so pointy?'

Emma swats at him. He laughs even more, pulling her in for a kiss afterwards.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Well that went better than expected' Pj laughs as they push through the door.

Chris laughs with him, kissing him between it.

'Wasn't exactly planned.'

Pj raises an eyebrow at him.

'Why exactly did you do it?'

Chris smiles at him.

'Why not? Plus, it helps me keep my promises.'

Pj giggles.

'Which ones?'

Chris smiles.

'Keep people alive, stay alive.' Chris reminds him.

Pj nods. 'Just the little ones then?'

Chris rolls his eyes. 'Shut up.'

Pj grins. 'Never.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any theories as to what's going to happen after this?
> 
> (Also, just because I've had a lot of comments referring to this, this is a Chris/Pj fanfic mostly. All of the other ships are in it in a lesser amount, but they all get together. It's okay to want more of a ship, and nobody has been rude about it, but please keep that in mind. I'm human, and I have feelings, and please be kind) xx


	5. Chapter 5

Pj wakes up in a bed alone. He panics until he sees the small piece of paper on the bed. Words written onto it.

_'Had shit to do. Sorry. Go to your room, Phil will take you where you need to go next. You'll be fine xx'_

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Phil has gathered everyone outside the 'trainee' bedrooms. Pj had his last shower. It'd been hard to turn off the warm water at the end, to look at the room he spent barely time sleeping in. He knows where he was, everyone knows where he was.

He's never going to return to that room. Phil mentioned last night that they've got uniforms for the front-line waiting for them. He doesn't have anything to take with him. He can only leave his clothes from home in their drawer and hope that one day he can collect them.

He runs to the drawer and picks up his old shirt, he hasn't disturbed it since his first day. He smells it. He could cry when he finds it smelling it like home.

He spins his bracelet. It always makes him feel better.

There is nothing better than waking up in the mornings to find Chris spinning it, like he was the one making Pj feel at home.

He's practically slapped in the face with worry for Chris.

Then his worry evolves, and he's left paralyzed with fear for Dan, and Emma, and Zoe, and Troye, and Phil. He's screaming for Sophie, Louis, and Jamie, for his sister and parents. He's terrified for his other abnormal friends and the teenagers he's never met.

He's scared for what waits in store for them, if they don't die in what looks like the end of the war.

He can move again. He picks up his shirt, and he puts it in a drawer. He stuffs his feelings away because he needs to.

He leaves.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Emma is the last person to come out of their room. Hair still wet, she's not cried, Zoe obviously has.

Phil smiles at her and Emma smiles back regardless.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris hadn't expected the teenagers to be so difficult.

'We're out of that fucking building!' One girl shouts the second she gets out of the door.

Two of them hug, blurring whilst they do it.

'Woo!'

The faster one spins the other, both of them becoming blurry.

'Declan! Put me down! I'll be fucking sick!' The girl shouts.

The boy puts her down.

'Don't throw up on me Violet.'

She gets her feet back. She smiles at her friend.

'Who else am I supposed to throw up on?'

'The enemy soldiers.' He points out.

She slowly nods.

'Guys, we have to get you in the van.' Chris interrupts.

The boy glares at him.

'I could just pick her up and run. I do run at superspeed.'

She sighs. 'Fucking air users.'

He laughs at her. 'Because fire's so much better.'

She scoffs. 'Fuck off.'

'Guys, come on.' Another teen interjects.

'Don't be a killjoy Brad.' She replies.

'You wouldn't be able to run that whole distance without getting shot by the way.' Bertie adds. Chris laughs.

'Don't rain on my parade!' Declan shouts.

'Shut up Dec.'

'You shut up.' Declan responds.

Violet laughs. 'Nah.'

Chris rolls his eyes again.

'You guys are going to have some fun with Mitchell.'

The girl nods. 'We've met him already. He's funny.'

Declan joins her in the nodding. 'I approved.'

Chris laughs.

'Can you please all just get in the van? You're going to give me a migraine.'

'Wouldn't your boyfriend give you one of those?' Violet teases.

Chris frowns.

'How the fuck do you know about that?'

She shrugs. 'Gossip spreads. Don't worry, it'll be fine.'

A few more abnormal teens walk out of the building, most of them shout something along the lines of 'Freedom'.

Chris flinches every time.

'Is this everyone?' Chris asks.

The few that had been let out previously answer for him.

'Yup.'

'This is the squad.'

'The squad?'

Violet laughs. 'The hot and able squad.'

Brad laughs. 'Reword that.'

'The hot squad.' She replies.

'Better.' Declan and Brad say in sync.

Chris counts heads. There's at least double the amount of teenagers than his own 'pupils'.

'Do you want us all in the van?' Violet asks.

Chris knows that her real name isn't that, she's tried to forget who she is. It's an odd response, most people cling to what they have.

She seems pretty happy anyway.

'Yes.'

She nods.

'Get in the van guys!' She shouts.

The teens don't complain. Someone opens the back door, one boy named Michael climbs in. He pulls up his friend Gavin, they help everyone up.

Declan runs up in a blur of actions, there one second and gone the next.

Mitchell arrives.

'Have fun travelling with these guys.'

Mitchell grins. 'I will.'

He hugs Chris and Chris hugs him back.

'See you later.' Chris breathes.

'Catch you then.' Mitchell responds.

Chris pulls away. He watches Mitchell walk to the van. He helps Violet up, and then gets up himself.

Chris retreats back to the building he's grown up in.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris had to get his list approved. It's times like this that he's glad for the large size of the vans. He can travel with the majority of his friends.

Once his list is approved, he sets off to find Phil.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Jack!' Chris shouts.

Jack looks up at him and smiles.

'You ready to go?' Jack replies. Chris runs over to him. Jack jabs at him with his crutch. Chris dodges it.

'Fuck off!' Chris giggles.

Jack continues to hit him with his crutch while laughing.

'Stop that.'

Chris jumps at Phil voice.

He also jumps when there's suddenly a hand on each of his shoulders.

'Hello.'

Chris whips his head to the right. It's Pj. He smiles.

'Hello.'

Both of them are automatically in their own world, oblivious to everyone watching them.

'You weren't there when I woke up this morning.' Pj says.

Chris frowns. 'Didn't you find my note?'

Pj grins. 'Course I did. I'm still going to complain about it.'

'There's no pleasing you, is there?'

Pj shakes his head.

Chris kisses him. Pj is obviously shocked, only returning it for half a second before Chris pulls away.

Pj splutters. 'Well I'm not exactly _unpleased_.'

Chris grins at him.

'You would have gotten a whole lot more of that if I hadn't had to organize the teenagers.'

Pj groans for him. 'That must have been fun.'

'They're great little shits. Lot's of fire.'

'Figurative fire or literal fire?'

Chris bites his lip. 'Both, I guess.'

'You're both disgusting.' Jack comments in jest. Pj can see the mischief brew in Chris's eyes. He smirks.

'Wanna make out until they feel so uncomfortable, they leave?'

'Seeing as we won't be able to later, sure.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

It takes Phil and Jack a few seconds to make eye contact and leave the room. Chris and Pj laugh.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris pulls his lover in for a hug, holding him close. Pj inhales his scent.

'Are you ready for this?' Chris asks.

Pj laughs. Chris chuckles.

'Thought so.' Chris says.

Pj buries his face in Chris's neck.

_Don't give anyone power over you, you're better than that._

Chris double checks for cameras, there isn't any. He sighs out his relief, and focuses back on Pj. 

'You'll be fine.' Chris nuzzles at him. Pj smiles, his worry relaxing. 

Pj frowns. 'We'll be fine.' Pj corrects.

Chris pulls away from the hug. He smiles at his boyfriend.

'Best case scenario, we'll all be fine and the war will be over in a week.

Pj laughs. 'Then what?'

'We can all go home and live our lives.' Chris chuckles.

Pj frowns. 'Where would you go?'

Chris's soul jumps at the question. He looks away from Pj, eyes staring into a white wall.

Where could he go? Where is there space for him? If he was told he could leave this place, this hell, his home, where would he go?

'I'd follow you.' Chris answers, Pj's mouth falls open. 'I'd follow you anywhere. If you wanted me to, if I was allowed. It's all that makes sense to me.'

Pj's eyes are wide.

'But what about Phil? And everyone else? All of those people that you've spent years with-'

'-Exactly. I've spent years with them, because we were all forced to. I love them all. I love Phil. But I would want to start again, I wouldn't want to fight more wars and get even more scars. I'd want to follow a person that should be followed, because they deserve it.' Chris closes his eyes. 'To love someone that deserves it. I'd follow that person anywhere.' He opens his eyes, smiling at Pj. 'I'd follow the person I love anywhere, so I'd follow you anywhere.'

Chris didn't think it was possible for Pj's eyes to widen further.

'You love me?' Pj whispers.

Chris shrugs. 'I love you Pj. I get it if you don't-'

Pj kisses him. Chris sighs in relief against it.

Pj breaks away.

'I love you too.' Pj nearly shouts.

'Good, I thought you hated me.' Chris jokes.

'I do hate you. It's a love/hate thing we've got. Not going to lie.'

Chris laughs.

'I like it.'

'It's pretty great.' Pj responds.

They laugh together. Pj rests his forehead on Chris's forehead.

Chris smiles.

'How bad is it that how I feel now, might be the happiest I've ever felt?' Chris asks.

Pj shrugs.

'I mean, we only might be dead tomorrow.' Pj snarks. Chris laughs at it.

'Last few weeks have been good though.' Chris comments.

Pj nods.

'I've felt good.' Pj giggles. 'I've felt almost at home.'

Chris smiles fondly.

'That's stupid. We'll get you back there some day, or we'll die trying.' Chris states.

Pj nods. 'Try to do the first one.'

'Of course.'

Chris kisses him once more.

There's a bang of a door in the distance. They break apart.

'We should go.' Chris says.

Pj kisses him once more, on the left corner of his mouth.

Chris closes his eyes into it and pretends the world isn't spinning.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Philly!'

Phil rolls his eyes, turning to see Chris and Pj walking out of the spare room. The group are gathered in this room, waiting to be told they are allowed to leave. Then there's the journey, and then there's the...

'You know you don't have to shout my name every time you see me right? This isn't ' _Cheers_ '.' Phil jokes.

Chris laughs.

'It's okay Phil. I get it if sometimes you don't wanna go where everyone knows your name.'

'And they're never glad I came.' Phil adds.

'The fuck are you talking about?' Dan inquires. Phil and Chris start laughing.

'Antique TV show. We watched it growing up, it was just something they had on their archives.' Chris answers.

Dan chuckles. His aura wild.

'Too many news casts to watch TV back home.' Dan says, flinching after saying the last word.

Pj's eyes widen.

'You had a TV?' Pj demands. Most people keep their own conversations, but a few people listen to the four of them curiously.

Dan shakes his head.

'My dad worked in the mines, there was a TV by them that I could run and watch in the evenings while I waited for him.'

Pj blows out air.

'I don't think there was a TV any closer to me than the ration centre, and that was a few hours away.'

'Were you like, isolated then?' Chris questions.

'No, there's a big road from before the wars that connects most of the smaller villages. It'd take longer otherwise, it's a good thing.’

'It's a miracle!' Chris shouts. Pj rolls his eyes.

'You're a miracle.' Pj retorts.

Chris puts a hand over his heart. 'Aw Babe.'

Pj laughs, deciding to change the subject.

'Whenever I did see televisions though, it was always super weird propaganda.'

Phil grins. 'I've never actually seen any of it. Do they mention me?'

'I was one of the examples in one once, but my face was never shown.' Chris adds.

'Makes sense.' Pj comments. Chris laughs with him. Dan frowns.

'Did you just call him ugly?' Dan inquires.

Chris, Pj and Phil laugh.

'No!' Pj shouts, giggling. 'It makes sense that they didn't show his face because they didn't want to make him seem human. They need people to remain mysterious for this all to work.'

'Clever.' Phil says.

'He’s perceptive too.' Chris corrects.

'That does make more sense.' Dan admits. They laugh again and even Dan cracks a reluctant smile.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'We couldn't even run, could we?' Troye asks.

They walk out of the building.

Chris shakes his head. 'They've got guys on the ground at all times. For 'Civilian Protection'.'

Dan snickers. 'That sounds like something off of TV.'

Chris shrugs. 'It is something off the TV.' He laughs. 'My life is something off the TV.'

Dan laughs. 'I was birthed onto a TV.' he jokes.

Pj cringes. 'Oh no-'

'-I was conceived on a TV.' Phil jokes too.

Pj continues to cringe while Chris chuckles. 'Oh stop-'

'-My mum was a TV.' Dan finishes.

Chris rolls his eyes.

'Alright! Everyone into the van before we get shot!' Chris shouts.

'Won't that happen anyway?' Tyler jokes.

'Be positive Tyler.' Zoe tells. 'We won't all get shot.' She laughs.

'It'll probably be Chris.' Connor adds, smiling.

'Guys, you're going to make the newbies nervous.' Chris chides.

Pj frowns at him, smiling regardless.

'You are dating one of the newbies.' Pj points out, eyebrow raised.

There's laughter from the group. Chris smiles at Pj.

'You're still a newbie.'

Pj rolls his eyes. 'I'm _practically_ a virgin.' He snarks. Chris giggles.

'I love it when you get sassy.' Chris grins. They pause for a second, smiling at each other, oddly content in their panic.

Tyler pretends to throw up. He proceeds to jumping into the back of the van.

The others follow. Caspar and Connor pulling people up. Zoe nearly trips, Louise catches her.

Chris helps Pj up at the end.

Chris looks around at the empty roads and almost vacant building. He grew up here, he doesn't know if he will ever see it again.

He doesn't feel sentimental for it. The people that made him feel at home are either in the van or dead.

He jumps into the van, sneaking one last look at the van of teens which waits for this van to move.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Sit at the front.' Guard one orders.

'Don't try any shit.' A gun loads. 'Or I'll shoot you. I read your folder.'

The newer abnormals look alarmed. Phil is close to laughter.

Chris smirks, eyebrows shooting up.

'Have you now?' Chris asks.

The guards exchange a look. One turns to him and nods.

'Can you tell me my name?' Chris jokes. Phil snorts.

One guard frowns.

'You're 1240.' The guard responds.

Chris rolls his eyes.

'Not my code number, you fuck nut.' Chris snarks.

The second guard snarls at him.

'What name did you mean then?'

'My real one.'

'You don't have a real name. You're not a person.' The second guard responds.

Chris would like to pretend that those words didn't sting, but Phil saw it.

Phil also knows that he can handle them.

'Chris is more human than the both of you.' Phil turns to the first guard. 'You're here because your daddy gave you the job. It also means that your father won't ever find out about the other men you've called your 'Daddy.'

Chris laughs. Dan's lets out awe struck huffs of laughter.

Phil carries on.

He looks straight into the second guard.

'You're here because you've seen blood, and you liked it.'

Both guards splutter.

Chris shakes his head, he clicks his fingers. The gun bends in half.

He smiles at the two people that Phil just verbally ripped apart.

'I'm going to sit where I like. Get us to that front-line, so we can do your job for you.'

Chris turns and sits next to his boyfriend. Pj stares at him with wide eyes, eventually taking his hands.

Chris is the one to interlink their fingers.

The guard shut the barricade between their compartments. The abnormals relax. The guards no longer in sight and mind.

When the van jumps into movement, Pj clasps even tighter. Chris squeezes back. Both of the vans drive away.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris can see Troye's hand from where he's sitting. His knuckles are white, Chris imagines that Connor must have lost the feeling in his fingers by now.

He can see Jack, Dean, and Louise grabbing each others hands. Chris smiles at that. Louise has always held someone's hand on the journey there. Zoe sits next to Joe. Emma and Luke are close, not quite touching.

Dan and Phil sit shoulder on shoulder. Neither making a claim on the other. Their presence seems to be enough. Dan doesn't look scared anymore, he looks ready to fight, ready to win.

Tyler looks sick. Phil seems to notice at the same time as Chris. Phil puts a hand on Tyler's shoulder, Tyler nearly cries.

Phil and Chris make eye contact. Chris nods at him, Phil returns it.

They feel like scared teenagers again.

Chris is happy about it, because that scared teen got out once already.

That scared child might be what they need to save them all.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'We should sing songs.'

'Chris, that's the forth time you've said that in ten minutes.' Phil responds. A light chuckle goes through the vehicle. The new students have been absorbing the view of the city through barred windows.

'That's because no ones listening to me!'

'Take a hint then!' Tyler shouts back.

'I just want a sense of community!'

Chris watches Pj out of the corner of his eye. Pj has his face pressed against the glass.

'We've got our own community.' Pj whispers. 'Remember?'

'Of course.' Chris responds.

Laughter from the van, from something Dan said. Chris ignores it.

'Nice view?' Chris asks.

Pj giggles.

'Is this when I'm supposed to look at you and say _'Yeah, it is'_ in my coolest voice?' 

Chris snorts.

'I mean, if you want to call me pretty. Feel free.'

Pj raises an eyebrow.

'You are pretty.'

Chris snorts. 'Well that's a lie.'

Pj giggles, shaking his head. 'You're insane.'

'A bit.' Chris shrugs. 'But aren't we all?'

'Yeah.' Pj rests his head against the window. 'We are.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj didn't mean to fall asleep. Chris knows that. He hadn't stopped him when he realized he was drifting off. Instead, he pulled him onto his shoulder and made him comfier. The nervousness of the abnormals has died down, as has all conversation. Now, the van is filled with a relaxed silence as they consider their fate.

The rain started to fall after Pj fell asleep. Chris had taken comfort in it.

Pj shifts in his sleep, the rain begins to stop.

The van drives onwards into the mountains. The clouds in the sky lessen. The sun peeking through.

Chris forgets that the sectors actually have seasons. The main city normally feels like the same winter day over and over again.

It's Summer.

And if Pj's information is correct, Chris is home.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Aw, did Pj need to take a nap?'

'Shut up Tyler.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris hears something similar to gunshots from ahead, near the other van.

Their van draws to a stop.

They're on a gravel road, surrounded by tears. None of them can see what's in front of them.

Chris and Phil make eye contact within seconds.

Phil can see the surface levels of Chris's thoughts. He's been keeping tabs on everyone. All of these auras are starting to give him a headache, at least they look pretty.

There's no need for Chris to say it, but he does anyway.

'We can't be there yet...'

'We could be, different route remember?' Phil suggests. Chris shakes his head.

'We're taking a different route?' Tyler asks.

'There's too many people for us all to take the same route. We're on path four, they normally only bring people down here at night.' Chris answers. 'It brings us to the side of the front-line, not the middle.'

'It's just us on this route though.' Connor adds.

'Well, our group. The teens are here too...'

Pj wakes up. His eyes slowly blink open.

He looks out of the window.

He recognizes it.

He freezes.

'Where are we?' Dan asks.

Most of the group shrug.

'We're about a mile from where I grew up.' Pj declares.

Chris jumps, eyes flying wide. Pj grimaces.

'If it wasn't for the trees, you could see it.' Pj grimaces. 'Nobody told me we were going through the mountains.' He whispers.

The others look at each other in sync, hearts in their throats.

Chris puts his arms around him. Pj lets him, heart beating wild in his chest.

'I didn't think we'd be anywhere near here...' Chris starts. 'I'm sorry.'

Pj nods, looking out of the window with such intensity that the world could come into the vehicle, through the bars.

Chris realizes that he's taken this route multiple times before.

It seems like he was close to Pj before he knew who Pj was.

'It's okay-'

The barricade that shuts out their drivers, flings up. The two guards are visible once more.

'There's something up ahead.'

'The other vehicle has stopped.'

'We're going to investigate.'

'Of course you are.' Chris declares. Tyler cackles.

'1240. I will taser you.'

Chris rolls his eyes, shooting a look at Phil.

'Fine.'

'Don't try anything.'

'We're not fucking stupid.' Chris answers. Pj shakes his head at him. Chris sighs.

The guards get out of the van. Doors slam. Voices fade into nothing as they walk the distance to the other vehicle. It's stationary signal flares up on a small screen by the steering wheel. The other van is not in sight.

A light breeze goes through the vehicle.

Silent in the vehicle as minds think. Phil sees it all, and something else.

Pj wants to stop the ache in him. He's so close to home. So close.

He could die. This is the closest he ever might be to home again.

He doesn't know how to react.

'Guys...' Phil says, frowning. He looks out of the window. 'There's somebody in that tree.'

'What?' Tyler questions.

Phil points to the side of the road.

'There's someone in that tree.' He repeats. 'A person. I can see their aura. It's orange.'

'Phil...' Chris starts.

Phil gasps.

'There's someone in that fricking bush too! Red!'

Chris stands up. He squeezes over to Phil.

'Phil, do you need some help?'

Phil looks up at Chris with wide eyes.

'No! I'm not imaging this! There's people in the trees!' Phil nearly shouts.

Chris's eyebrows lower.

'Phil, are you sure?'

Phil looks out of the window. He gasps, pointing again.

'They're moving!'

A girl steps out of the bushes, rifle in hand.

'Shit.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj jumps up, pushing past his allies, she's all that matters. He runs to the back doors.

'Sophie!' He screams.

It doesn't click for anyone but Chris.

Chris opens the doors for him; metal breaking like sticks.

Pj falls out.

She points the gun at him in surprise.

Chris follows him out of the vehicle, ready to defend him when he has to.

Her eyes widen as she recognizes him.

She drops the gun.

'Peej...' She breathes.

Pj carries on running to her, he reaches her. He pulls her into his arms.

She starts crying. The abnormals look on with curiosity and envy. Pj starts crying too.

'I thought I'd never see you again...' Pj sobs.

She pulls away, laughing up at him.

'Why do you think we've been staking out the road?' Sophie smiles up at him. 'You're alive.' She laughs. 'And you got fucking stronger.' She jokes.

Pj smiles despite tears. 'Do you have no faith in me?'

Sophie's face drops. 'We've all seen the footage from the front-line. The war's getting worse. We're not stupid.'

'It'll be fine.' Pj lies. Sophie reads him like a book.

'No, it won't.'

Louis comes out from the bushes with a knife.

'Where the fuck are you guys getting all these weapons from?' Pj inquires.

Louis's defensive stance melts.

'Peej?'

Pj detangles himself from Sophie. Louis runs to him and he runs to Louis. They meet in the middle and embrace.

'Hey Louis.'

'Your dad's going to be pissed that today was the day he actually worked. Jamie and the rest are going to be fucking pissed that they chose further along the road.'

Pj laughs. 'How's dad? And mum? And-'

'They're fine. We're all okay. Your sister's got a scar on her face now but otherwise, she's fine. We all just miss you.'

Sophie grabs Pj's hand.

'And that doesn't matter anymore. You can come home.' She grins.

Pj's heart skips a beat.

He turns and looks at Chris.

Chris allows him a small smile.

It's times like this, that Pj wishes he was stupid.

'I can't come home Soph.'

She laughs. 'Of course you can-'

'-No. I can't. They found me at the farm once before. They can find me again. Imagine what they'd do to us all, I'd be dead for sure, you'd be dead.' Pj turns and looks at the van. He spots Dan through the window. 'They'd be dead.'

Louis frowns, he swallows. Sophie lets go of Pj’s hand.

'Then we won't stay on the farm.'

Pj snorts. _'We won't stay on the farm.'_ He mocks. 'We'd starve.' 

'Pj...Are they sending you to war?' Sophie asks. Pj’s silence answers her question. 'You're not a soldier. You don't even like violence. I kill spiders, and you catch them.'

Chris chuckles at that. It's fitting. He looks out for guards in the distance.

'I have to go. I have to keep you guys safe.' Pj shrugs.

Sophie snorts. 'You're the same age as me. I don’t need fucking protecting!'

Pj rolls his eyes.

'I'm not doing this because I feel responsible , you mooks.'

'You're doing it because you love us.' Louis finishes, forcing himself to accept it.

Pj smiles, face red.

'I love you both, so much. I love Jamie. I love mum and dad. I love my entire family, my big sister. I love you all, so so much. So I have to keep you safe, because I do.' Pj answers.

Chris exhales deeply listening to him, still no guards. He's surprised nobody from the van has declared this their business too.

'We love you too Peej.' Sophie is in tears again. 'Don't kill yourself for us.'

Pj has stopped crying. 'Is there a better way to die?'

'Is there a worse one?' Sophie combats.

 _Definitely._ Chris answers in his head.

A cough from the van.

The outsiders turn to see Phil.

'The guards are coming back. You have a few minutes.' Phil informs them. Chris nods, he turns to Pj.

'You can go if you want. It'll be your consequences.' Chris says. Sophie and Louis take it as a threat. Pj takes it as intended, the truth.

'Thank you.' Pj thanks him for more than the information. Chris understands. 'I'll be back in a minute.'

Pj turns back to his family.

'Take care of my parents, of my family.'

'They're never going to be-'

'-Live long happy lives.' Pj smiles, it contrasts with his raw throat and tears.

'We will.' Louis confirms, Pj sees tears on his cheeks. 

Pj laughs. 'Plant some flowers. Do all the shit we always said we were going to do. Learn how to use a gun, I'm pretty much an amateur and I could see you doing it super wrong. Defend yourselves. Forget me.'

'I'm never going to forget you Peej.' Sophie whispers. 'You're family.'

Pj smiles.

'Then remember me, and move on. You'll have to. Help each other. Promise?'

Sophie breaks down even further. Louis puts an arm around her to help hold him together.

'I promise.'

'I love you Louis.' Pj says.

'I love you too Peej.'

'I love you Soph.'

'I love you too Peej.'

There's shouting in the distance, the guards.

Louis grabs Sophie's hand and pulls her to the bushes. She screams for Pj. Chris grabs Pj's hand and helps him into the van.

Pj sits down. He sees the multiple pairs of eyes pierce into him. He weeps. Chris puts arms around him. He says nothing, pressing his lips to the top of Pj's head.

The guards shout some bullshit. None of the abnormals pay attention, too wrapped up in their own pain to care.

The van gets put back into gear. They begin to pull away. Pj looks back at the trees.

Louis is there, hiding, barely visible.

Pj puts a hand against the glass.

Louis puts his up.

Pj only lets his hand drop when Louis is far out of sight, and never to be seen again.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Louis watches Pj's van drive away. He's in shock, unable to wrap his head around what just happened.

He hears Sophie crying. He slams his hand palm downwards, onto the mud. He crawls to her, he puts his arms around her.

She's tucked into a ball, rocking. Louis ends up rocking with her, a hand on the back of her head. He's shushing her.

She puts her arms around his neck, and the gesture pushes Louis into tears too.

Neither of them want to let go.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris lets Pj cry. It's what he needs. Chris knows that Pj's better at holding it in than most people. The other abnormals allow him space. They chat among themselves. The guards told them that the other van had stopped due to 'rebel gunfire', before shutting the communication between them down.

Chris is glad, it means he doesn't have to look at their faces.

There's a small trail of blood running up the side of the road, and going into the foliage. It does no one any good to point it out. Chris remains quiet.

Chris looks back at the van. He looks straight into brown eyes, Dan's eyes.

Chris nods at him, Dan nods back. Dan kisses his fingers, he pushes a hand out through the gap in seats. He presses his hand onto Pj's cheek. He attempts to retract it, but Pj reaches out and holds it, before letting him go. Pj forces himself to smile at Dan, Dan smiles back.

Chris blinks at his boyfriend. Even after being, in a way, emotionally wrecked, he's still trying to make people feel better.

It's commendable, it'll destroy him.

Chris doesn't want to let it.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj stops crying. Deep shaking breaths rack his body. He tries to remain passive. He refuses to let Chris go.

'Better?' Chris whispers. It slips under everyone else's hearing. It remains private.

'A bit.' Pj answers. He closes his eyes. 'This is real isn't it? I'm not going to see them again-'

'-Never say never.' Chris interrupts. 'But it's probably best you saw them. I know people that would kill for that, I wouldn't brag if I were you.'

Pj swallows.

'Would you kill for that? What I just had?'

Chris smiles at him, before he shakes his head. He risks kissing him on the cheek.

Fuck it, it's not exactly like he has a lot to lose.

Or rather, he has too much to lose, and a large chance he will.

'I'd kill so you could have it. Not me though, I'm not too fussed.'

Pj frowns.

'Aren't you even curious about your family?'

'Always curious, never bothered. I can't really hope for shit like that.' Chris admits, he talks into Pj's ear.

Pj's turns and kisses Chris's mouth.

Chris really should stop him, but everyone in the van knows. If the guards haven't caught on, they're stupid. Plus, it's not like they're going to mess with him after Phil's revelations.

Chris brushes back, kissing him fully.

These little distractions are what they both live for.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Tyler, don't you dare say anything.'

'Zoe...'

'Don't you dare.'

Tyler sighs.

'Get a room!'

'DAN!' Emma, Zoe, Caspar, and Tyler shout.

'That's my line!' Tyler adds

Chris and Pj stop kissing. Chris laughs.

'That's my line, _bitch_.' Chris jokes. Pj rolls his eyes.

'Yes-' Tyler looks at Dan. '-You bitch.'

Dan splutters. 'Someone had to. They're making me aware of my own loneliness.'

Chris grins.

'If you actually got with Phil, you wouldn't be lonely.' Chris teases. Dan and Phil roll their eyes.

'Dan likes cock too?' Tyler questions. Dan snorts.

'I like vagina too.'

'Yay, genitals.' Luke exclaims, monotone. Emma laughs at him. Connor and Troye exchange a look.

'I mean, I don't hate genitals.' Caspar contributes. Joe looks at him and laughs, he ends up with his head in his hands. Zoe lightly taps him in the shoulder.

'I mean, I don't hate poon.' Jack jokes. Chris giggles. They make eye contact.

'What does poon even mean?' They both say in sync.

Dean joins in, the three of them say the words. 'I think it means vagina.'

The three of them fall into hysterics.

'I miss Mitchell.' Louise states.

'He's only a car away.' Phil reminds her. 'You'll see him in a couple of hours.'

The words pierce unintentionally.

'A few hours?' Dan begs, the van goes silent once more.

'Yeah. Probably. Maybe we'll hit some traffic.' Phil answers.

'There's no other cars on the road.' Dan says.

'We can dream.' Phil retorts.

Dan lets a heavy moment of quiet pass.

'Yeah, we can.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Can someone check on Phil for me? He's been quiet for too long.'

Chris can see Dan's smile.

'He's asleep.' Dan answers.

Chris rolls his eyes so hard that Pj laughs.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The van moves onto gravel. The ride remains smooth, but smiles die down. Dread seeps in, as it always does. Palms grab tighter, smiles become tighter, lips constricted.

Chris's worry highlights his every move.

Phil stares at the mix of colour in the air in complete awe. Each aura, it's own masterpiece, each person their own art.

The possibility of these auras fading pollutes his mind, and kills his actions. It makes him want to scratch at this skin and pull his own hair out. It makes him want to scream, and fuck, and moan, and die. It makes him want to squeeze so hard at his own throat, that he bleeds.

Eventually, the vehicle pulls to that dreaded stop.

'We're here.' Phil whispers.

Chris smirks.

'We're queer.'

Phil can't help but let out mangled laughter, his tension cracked. Chris allows himself a tight lipped smile at his own successful, and at the fact that he's still got Phil with him.

'Yeah, same.' Pj adds.

'Ditto.' Dan contributes.

'I mean...' Caspar chuckles.

'Well...' Connor jokes.

'Kinda...' Troye says.

'Yeah...' Tyler finishes.

Zoe and Emma allow themselves laughter. Joe rolls his eyes.

The guards lower the barricade.

'We're walking to the station.' Guard one informs them.

'Follow us.' The second instructs.

The barricade shuts and they hear doors open.

'Charming.' Chris comments.

'They're just insecure.' Phil responds.

Chris grimaces.

'I hate it when they're human.'

Phil nods.

'Don't we all?'

Pj feels panic surrounding his heart, he could scream but he can't.

He opts for taking Chris's hand and squeezing it tightly, using him as an anchor. He can see Louis's hand in the back of his head. He can smell home, he can feel it linger under his skin.

He was so close, but he chose the noble thing. Right?

He'll never know the answer. He has to let it go.

Letting go is harder than he thought.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris steps out of the van before everyone else. Pj is close behind him. He holds Pj by the waist and lowers him so his feet are n the ground. Pj frowns.

'Do we have to hide us here?'

'Not unless you want to.'

'Then we won't.'

Chris smiles. 'Then we won't.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris could hear them from a mile off. His group have mostly been quiet, just some sarcasm and laughter.

The teenagers have not been quiet.

'I fucking hate you.' Violet shouts, making grabby hands at a blur.

'You love me.' Declan shouts back, stopping in front of her and grinning. She punches him and he doesn't hit back.

Mitchell looks a lot happier than Chris expected. Mitchell waits for Chris to come to him.

'You okay?' Chris asks.

'They were, hilarious.' Mitchell grins.

Chris smiles. 'Good. Why did your ride stop?'

Mitchell shrugs. 'Thought we heard gunshots.'

Chris nods as a response.

He watches the teens laugh as they walk. Some of them scared, some of them closer than others. They are strong as a group, acting as each other's eyes.

'How long have they been together?' Chris asks.

Mitchell nods. 'Minimum, a year, maximum, six years.'

'Are their trainers here too?'

Mitchell snorts. 'They were trained by normals.'

Chris feels a lump in his throat. 'Is there no one for them?'

Mitchell grimaces. 'People have to save themselves Chris.'

Chris glares. 'I don't want to save them, I want to defend them.'

'You can't defend them, and your pupils. It's suicide.'

Chris looks as one of the teens trip, another laughing before picking them up.

'I have my priorities.' Chris chokes.

'Your pupils?' Mitchell inquires. Chris nods.

'Too many promises.'

Mitchell chuckles. 'Isn't that the story of our lives?'

Chris smiles at him.

'It sucks being real, doesn't it?'

Mitchell laughs. 'It always has.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The ground is getting muddier and muddier. The world is quiet, except for muffled voices and footsteps.

'It never changes.' Chris says. He leads the group. Phil flanks him.

'It's moved a bit.' Phil points out. Chris rolls his eyes.

'Like three miles towards us.'

'At least it isn't ten miles towards us.'

'Then they'd be close to the mountains Philly.'

It strikes Pj in a heartbeat.

'Are my family going to be safe if we lose?' Pj blurts out. Dan puts an arm around his shoulder.

Chris smiles at him.

'The other nation don't kill civilians. It's in their mantra.' Chris reassures him. 'If they broke it, there'd be mutiny.'

'How much mutiny?' Zoe asks.

Chris smirks. 'Enough for my fucking fill of revenge.' He adds as an afterthought. 'They won't kill anyone, they'd be too scared of what they would get in response. If they get through, they go straight to the city and stop people that stop them.'

'Then what?' Emma inquires.

'They'd take the city and then assimilate, and then the war would be over.' Chris says.

'And if we win?' Troye questions.

'If we win, we do the same thing. But with less peace and more murder and less freedom.'

 _'Chris...'_ Phil scolds.

'What?'

Phil looks back at the pupils. None of them scared, or as scared as they could be.

They're not children anymore.

'Nothing.' Phil answers.

Chris frowns at him. Phil keeps his eye contact.

'You okay?' Chris double checks.

Phil smiles at him.

'Always.'

Chris huffs out a single laugh. 'Always.' He repeats.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Jack is finding it harder and harder to move. Dean and Louise are helping him to the best of their ability, but there's little more they can do.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

They're nearly there. Pj's mind runs wild.

He doesn't know how to deal. He's miles away from the front-line. The place he heard of in school. The place that people whispered about and kids have nightmares of.

The place that Chris got scarred, for life. As did Phil, Tyler, Hannah, Connor, Mitchell, Luke...and the rest.

Is he going to be the same person in a day? A week?

Will he even still be breathing? Will Chris be breathing?

Pj looks forward, he spots Chris chuckle at Emma.

The voices of his family scream in his head. He sees the tears on Sophie's face. Panic rings around his heart and constricts.

'Pj, are you okay?' Phil whispers.

Phil's vision is filled with bright lights and glares. Pj's aura is just that bit too dark, insecurity and fear radiates from it.

Pj nods.

'It's okay to not be okay Pj.' Phil reminds him, he puts a hand on Pj's back.

Pj glares at him.

'Like you're not lying about being fucking okay all the time as it is.' Pj snarls. Phil's eyes widen.

'At least I don't tear down other people to try and stay strong.' Phil retorts.

Pj opens his mouth and closes it, spluttering. Phil allows him a tight lipped smile.

'Who do _you_ tear down?' Pj whispers back.

A pause.

'Myself. Normally.' Phil answers honestly. He looks at the ground. 'I think we both need to unlearn that.'

'We might not have to.' Pj points out.

Phil chuckles.

'So death is the easy way out?'

'I don't exactly fucking encourage it but you're not wrong.' Pj says.

'I'm going to try and live.' Phil laughs.

'Living is always the best option.'

'You get to do more stupid shit that way.' Phil jokes.

'Even more stupid shit.' Pj jokes along.

They walk in sync. Phil smiles at Pj.

'What do you think the most stupid thing you've ever done is?' Phil asks.

Pj smiles at Phil. His aura lightens.

'Honestly?'

'Honestly.'

'Chris.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Phil laughs so hard that a guard threatens to shoot him, which makes him laugh harder.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj can finally see the scars of the landscape. Barbed wire, bomb holes, trenches.

After the world ended,the world reverted back to trench warfare.

Isn't it strange how the world seems to flow in circles?

Pj had always assumed that the front-line would be full frontal war. All the time.

It's quiet, but Pj feels like he's being watched. The hairs on the back of his neck stand upon end.

'It's different to how I imagined.' Pj states. Chris grimaces.

'Wait until nighttime until you say that Sweetheart.' Chris responds.

The guards stop.

One turns to Chris.

'You know where to go from here 1240.'

Chris can't help but fake a grin, throw their spite back at them.

'See you soon.' Chris gloats.

The two guards glare at him before beginning to walk back along the path they came on.

Chris flips them the middle finger, gaining a collective chuckle.

'So where do we go from here 1240?' Pj jokes.

Chris raises his eyebrows at him. 'We go and get our uniforms 1827.' Chris retorts. Laughter again.

Pj snorts. 'Ha fucking hardy ha.'

'You started it, I finished it.'

'You talking about the argument or sex now?' Tyler interrupts.

 _'Well...'_ Chris confirms. Pj swats at him. The group laugh harder.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

When they reach the front-line, the teenagers are pulled away by a earth manipulator called Carrie. Chris knows and trusts her, he lets them go, reluctantly. The front-line is busier than normal, but this was to be expected.

He hadn't expected to find her this quickly.

'Hey Chris!'

'Olga!'

Mitchell runs past Chris and spins her. Lifting her slightly into the air. She laughs.

'You just touched my boob.'

Mitchell snorts. 'Whoops.'

He puts her down. She trips.

'And I just touched your butt.'

'Aw, you're returning each other's favors.' Chris teases.

Olga rolls her eyes before leaning up and hugging Chris.

'Speaking of favors...' Olga starts. She reaches into her jacket. The jacket is a dark green, the standard one. She puts a handful of lighters into Chris's hand. 'You owe me.'

Chris nods once. 'What do I owe you?'

She laughs. 'Your life.'

Chris giggles. 'Oh, that. You can keep it. You might want to clean it first.'

Mitchell snorts. 'Use bleach.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Dan!'

Chris throws a lighter at him. Dan is halfway through putting his jacket on, he just manages to catch it.

He takes a second to look at it. He flicks the button down and a small flame bursts out.

Dan eyes widen as he stares at it. It's flickering resides within him. He can breathe again, all his fear melts away.

He's reminded that he is strong, as Chris has said.

He turns off the flame, looking up at Chris whilst he holds the lighter tight in his grip.

'Thank you.'

Chris smiles at him.

'Don't worry about it. I've got more if you need them.' He walks over to Dan. He puts a hand on his shoulder and points to the space over Dan's heart, his finger tip touching the new jacket. 'There's a zip pocket there for your communicator, put it in there until you need it.'

Chris lets go of Dan.

'Thank you.' Dan repeats.

Chris chuckles. 'You okay?'

Dan nods twice.

'Good.' Chris shrugs. 'Tell me if you're not, Spork.'

Dan smiles at the familiar insult.

'You're the spork.'

Chris opens his mouth to respond but gets cut off.

'Chris?' Phil shouts from the other side of the busy room. Their uniforms have been laid out for them, courtesy of Olga.

'Yeah?'

'They've still got your uniform from when you were twelve.' Phil laughs.

Chris lights up with laughter. 'You're shitting me?'

'Nope, there's been a cock up.' Phil holds it up. 'Look how small you were.'

The others look with horror at the tiny jacket that Phil is displaying. The one that hung on Chris's shoulders as he made his first kill.

Chris walks to Phil, he grins.

'We should burn it.' Chris suggests. 'It would be symbolic.'

Phil lowers the jacket and laughs. 'Of what?'

'Of the burning of the fucks I give?' Chris jokes.

Phil rolls his eyes. 'I fricking hate you.'

Chris beams at him. He peaks around the side of him.

'My proper jacket's in my drawer dumbass, I can see it.'

Chris reaches around Phil and pulls his correctly sized jacket out. Chris slides it onto his shoulders, the material is rough, it's Chris's armor now.

Phil puts the old jacket in the drawer, and Chris slides it shut.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'What actually is this?' Emma asks, she has her communicator in her hand. Fidgeting with it. Chris laughs, this had completely skipped his mind.

'That's your communicator, oddly enough, you use it to communicate.'

Emma could hit him.

Phil fills in the blanks. 'If you tap the screen four times, a text box will come up. You've got everyone in your groups names in there, you can send a message to whoever. It'll flash when you've got a message, and it'll beep if you leave it for too long.'

Emma nods once. 'Nice.' She puts it in her jacket pocket and moves on.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj's jacket is a little too big for him. Chris helps pull it over his shoulder's. Chris smiles at him.

'Looking good Sweetheart.'

Pj rolls his eyes. He hears Phil laugh in the distance.

'Because the jacket doesn't make him look like a child.' Phil comments.

Chris's mouth falls open in fake shock.

'You saying I look like a kid in my jacket?'

The uniform clothing sits strangely on Chris, enforcing his thin frame. It does make him look younger, Pj would rather it didn't.

'It's your baby skin.' Phil jokes.

'I don't have baby skin! I have man skin!'

Phil snorts. 'Yeah, right.'

'I have manly skin!'

'No, you don't.'

Chris runs to Phil. Pj and Dan exchange a look.

'I'll make you touch my man skin damn it.' Chris warns him.

Tyler snorts. 'Is that a euphemism for foreskin?'

The group of abnormals groan, Chris laughs. 'I call that Mr-'

'-And we cut him off there.' Pj interrupts. He walks slowly to Chris while he talks, eventually placing a hand on his shoulder. 'Nobody wants to know about your man skin Chris.'

Chris beams. 'The world needs to know about my man skin.'

Pj giggles. 'They will someday. Promise.'

Chris's smile melts down his face. 'Promise.' He repeats.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Chris!'

Chris has his name shouted by a few familiar faces. He raises his arms at them, making his own jacket hang. His 'pupils' follow after him, all of them wearing identical clothing. Green jacket, black loose fitting trousers, and combat boots.

Chris salutes.

'You alright Charlie?'

Charlie smiles.

'I've been here two days and I've not even seen the _'enemy'_ yet. I'm fine though.'

Chris grins.

'Do I detect some sarcasm?'

'Yes.'

Chris laughs.

'If we both survive this, I'm getting us both wasted.' Chris jokes.

Charlie puts a hand on his shoulder. 'I look forward to it.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris takes them on a tour of the front-line. Granted Chris's idea of a tour consists mostly of pointing at things and telling people what they're called, Phil does most of the actual work with Luke, Tyler, and Connor filling in the gaps.

'Chris Kendall? Is that you? You son of a bitch?'

Chris flips his head around, his eyes rest on the grimy woman speaking, he grins.

'Mamrie!' Chris shouts in response.

Chris jogs to her, she puts her arms around him.

'I thought you'd be dead by now Chris.' Mamrie jokes. Chris laughs.

'Me too. Why are you so dirty?'

She snorts. Chris laughs even harder.

'Why are you covered in physical dirt?' Chris corrects.

'Been here a month.' Mamrie informs. Chris nods in comprehension. 'I'll take it that you know what's changed.'

Chris nods again.

'Other nation's-'

'-Attacking. We need to beat their asses down and win this war for good. But, how do we know that? What did you do?'

Chris's eyes widen from shock. He swallows.

'My job.'

Mamrie laughs. 'Don't we all? Hannah and Grace are coming later today.' Mamrie switches subject. Chris breathes again.

'I know, Hannah was helping me train this bunch.' Chris points behind him with his thumb.

Mamrie laughs. 'Who, Tyler?'

Tyler hears his name, he head whips around. His grin grows. He runs and throws himself at Mamrie halfway through a sentence.

The end up rolling through the mud. 

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The front-line isn't as bad as Pj thought. It's loud, but he can deal with loud. There's a lot of people, but that's not a bad thing, if anything it builds confidence. It's dirty, but home was dirty.

The only problems are that he is not safe, his friends are not safe, and he is not home. The air is tense.

There's more buildings than Pj expected. Small infrequent ones, most have a purpose. Pj has seen them serve food, give out ammo, give out uniform, and be used for sleep. Some seem abandoned.

Pj's found Chris weird since he put the jacket on. It's like the uniform came with a new found confidence, though knowing Chris, it's more likely to be a new layer of defense.

Pj smiles when Phil passes Chris a helmet to wear. The helmet is too big, It falls down Chris's face. Pj puts a hand on his shoulder and stops Chris from walking, Chris frowns at him. Pj steps in front of him, tightens the straps and attaches the helmet to Chris's head. Tapping the top of it lightly with his knuckles afterwards.

Chris sends him a smile, and they continue walking.

Chris reaches out with his pinky finger, linking his with Pj's. He's glad when nobody notices, they continue walking.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'What's this?'

Chris smiles.

'This is our retreat point Dan.'

Dan and the others look at the small structure, open doors which point at the sky. It’s a building without windows.

'Will that even fit us?' Dan demands.

Chris and Phil laugh. 'It goes underground, Spork.' Chris tells.

Chris walks to the doors, it's as expected, empty.

Chris carries on talking to is pupils and the few older abnormals.

'It's out of the way, so it won't get found too easily. If we need to retreat, we come here and close the doors.' Chris looks at Jack and Dean. 'It might be easier if the two of you stay close by and defend it.' They nod in comprehension, this could save Jack's life.

Tyler raises his eyebrows at Chris.

'Will that work?'

Chris nods with determination.

'It's worked before.'

Phil shivers, his silence explained.

Chris nods at him and waits for Phil to nod back.

'We should get everyone weapons.' Phil reminds him quietly.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

  
Chris thanks his lucky stars that there's enough guns for everyone, and a decent amount of ammo at that.

They get food, and return to the quiet of their retreat spot.

Chris isn't afraid to hold Pj's hand here. The sky is still bright. Mamrie spots Hannah and Grace in the distance, and with Tyler's help, retrieves them. The mood is relatively calm with everyone's muted fear.

Their plans have been made, as have their preparations, all that's left is the wait.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

  
Chris could laugh at the atmosphere, it's so tense, it feels solid.

He doesn't when he sees Phil.

Without a word, he lets go of Pj's hand and walks to him. Phil doesn't look at him.

Chris leans down so that they're face to face. Phil sits cross legged, eyes squeezing shut.

'You need to go somewhere Phil?' Chris asks. The group are silent, they're clearly all listening to them.

Phil starts to rock.

'We all need to go somewhere, but we have no where to go. I don't know where to go. There's no where that wants me.' The rocking gets more frequent, he starts scratching his arms.

'I want you.' Chris reminds him. Phil shakes his head.

'There's nowhere for free. Everything's a price. We're going to die one day and nothing will be left of us but text, ash, and pain. I'm incapable of being people's light anymore.'

Phil's eyes finally open, and the whites are red.

Chris's heart skips a beat.

'Philly...'

Phil shakes his head frequently, his body moves with it, he carries on scratching.

'Is that who I am? Am I just Phil Lester, the boy that can see minds? The boy that's insane, the murderer, the devoured... Am I death?'

Chris allows him a slanted smile. 'Aren't we all death?'

Phil finally nods, he stops scratching. 'That makes sense.'

Chris rolls his eyes at it.

'Phil, what do you need?'

Phil stares at him for a moment.

'Home. Take me home, I'm free falling.'

Chris swallows. 'If you're free falling, hold onto me. Okay?'

Phil frowns at him.

'You're falling too.'

The words cut into Chris's throat, because he's not wrong.

Chris doesn't know how to react. He exhales deeply.

'Better we fall together than apart, right?'

Phil nods. 'Right.'

Chris smiles, trying to ignore the words of his best friend.

'Do you need to sleep Phil?'

Phil glares at him, Chris ends up laughing.

Phil almost remembers to nod, doing it slowly. Chris hates it when he's this spaced out, and he's annoyed he didn't notice it before. He needs to start concentrating.

There's a camp bed inside their retreat 'bunker'. Chris put it there when he was younger, he used to come here a lot. People brought him here when he crashed, so he wouldn't have to be guarded.

Chris stands up and pulls Phil to his feet. Phil nearly falls, Chris catches him.

Chris leads him into the bunker. Grace opens the doors for them, Dean holds them open. Jack tries to keep his crutches out of the way and Louise can't help but laugh at him. Her laughter is nice to hear. Zoe joins her in light giggles and suddenly, things feel a lot more manageable.

The beds out already, Mitchell had been napping on it earlier.

Phil sees it and climbs onto it. He lays on his head and looks straight out, eyes wide. Chris leans next to him and runs a hand over his hair until his eyes shut.

'You have a few hours Philly. Feel better. I love you.'

Chris kisses his forehead before leaving the bunker. He closes one door after him but leaves the other open.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Zoe, with Charlie's assistance, creates a small tree in the dirt. The dirt is more solid than Chris remembers, he guesses it hasn't rained too much recently.

Mitchell sets it alight and they have a small fire.

As the night falls, anxiety blossoms in their brains, the resultant flowers are ugly.

Phil wakes up, and comes out of their retreat spot sheepishly.

He searches for and finds Chris within seconds of waking up.

'Sorry-'

'Don't worry about it. Better?'

Phil gives him a tight lipped smile. 'Better.'

The group sit in a large circle after Phil sits down. He sits between Luke and Connor.

Silence lays over them like a sheet of snow.

Chris thinks he can hear the teenagers laughing in the distance. He spots the pile of guns to the edge of the circle. He sees the sun falling into the distance. He sees where the enemy will come from.

The front-line is a land of dirt and obstacles. Buildings reside on either side of it. There's mounds and hills of land in between the two nations, with bombs and barbed wire between. Patches of toxicity and dead bodies.

In winter, the bodies freeze. In summer, they rot.

Chris never did decide which was worse.

Chris can hear the main group of abnormals in the middle of the front-line getting quieter, anticipation drips in the air. This was the last day of transportation, everyone knows something will happen.

But there's nothing to do, but watch and wait.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Gun shots from the middle of the nations signal the beginning. The newer abnormals jump. The others look to Chris for instruction.

Chris throws his plans out of the window, they're too simple.

'Gun each. Load up. Check your communicator is on.' Chris instructs.

They rush into action. Chris turns to Dean and Jack.

'Good luck mate.' Jack says.

Chris nods. 'Don't be shy to retreat if you need it. Put this fire out. Be strong.'

Dean holds out a hand, Chris puts his in it and they squeeze.

Chris turns to get himself a gun, Phil passes him one.

'Why couldn't we all just stay here?' Zoe whispers, she looks strong in the fire light.

'We'd be spotted from a mile off.' Chris informs. 'Plus, a retreat won't work if we're found. We need to fight them away from here.'

'So we're defending our base?' Emma demands.

Chris nods, grinning at her. He loads his gun.

'You got it.'

An explosion in the distance.

The noises of war are familiar to Chris. Oddly enough, the anticipation was more terrifying than the event, this is Chris's element.

Chris counts heads. He shouts to be heard.

'Move out. Defend yourself. Keep the enemy away from here, that's your goal. Your communicator should flash through your jacket, check it frequently, it's how you'll get your retreat instruction. Kill if you have to, or you will be killed. If you're scared, stay close. '

'It's been an honor?' Tyler jokes.

Chris rolls his eyes. 'I hate you. You better live.'

'I'm going to do it just to spite the government.'

'That's _my_  Tyler.'

Bullets become more frequent, shouting. The first scream.

The older abnormals become defensive.

Chris turns and faces the front-line. He can already see fire in the other nation, fire in his ground, fire in between.

'Move out.' Chris repeats. 'Live. Stay close.'

There's nods and movement. He sees Tyler and Caspar go left, Chris pretends to not see Caspar kiss Joe before he goes. Connor and Troye run straight forward. Emma and Luke make eye contact.

'Can we put out the fires? Would that help?' Emma shouts.

Luke looks at Chris. Chris nods. Luke looks back at Emma and grins.

'Keep your gun out, we'll put out the ones near medical bays.'

Emma smiles and runs, Luke runs after her. More gunshots and screaming.

Mitchell looks at Dan for indication of desire. Dan retrieves one of his lighters from his pocket.

'Can we go start fires?' Dan shouts.

Mitchell grins.

Chris laughs. 'Be safe. Go.'

Dan blinks at Chris for a second, Chris stares back.

'Goodbye Chris, just in case'

Chris's heart breaks.

'Goodbye Spork.'

Dan and Mitchell run. Phil stares at their backs.

Chris rolls his eyes. 'Go with them for fucks sake.'

Phil smiles at Chris.

'I love you Chris.'

'Love you too.'

Phil runs.

Chris looks at who's left. Zoe's petrified, he can read it. Chris has an idea.

'Zoe Sugg, stay.' He orders.

She looks dismayed. 'But-'

'-you can climb on that roof and shoot anyone that gets near. Be Dean and Jack's aerial defense. Louise, stay with her.'

She nods. Joe looks straight at Chris.

'Joe, you can either stay or fight.' Chris orders.

Joe swallows. 'I'll fight again.'

'Good.' Chris turns to Mamrie, Grace, and Hannah. 'The four of you have all the elements between you. Use them, go together. Keep an eye out for people in our group. '

The four of them look among each other.

'Go straight?' Mamrie suggests. The others nod, guns at the ready, they move.

'Can I go find my friends?' Charlie asks anxiously. 'If Zoe doesn't need me.'

Chris nods. 'Of course. Stay safe Charlie.'

Charlie looks at the bunker. 'I won't retreat back here.'

'Okay. Be strong.'

'You too.'

Charlie leaves.

It's just Pj left.

Chris kisses him once on the lips.

'Stay with Zoe.' Chris instructs.

Pj shakes his head. 'Chris, that's favoritism.'

'I don't care. Stay here. I need you to be safe.'

Pj rolls his eyes.

'Chris, you said-'

'-I changed my mind. You need to be safe. People will come back here if they're injured, help them.'

Pj notices the tears in Chris's eyes and he sees this for what it is, Chris's gift. He's giving Pj the chance to live, and the chance to not think Chris is a monster.

'I love you.' Pj declares.

Chris kisses him once more.

'I love you too.' Chris states.

Pj watches as Chris turns and runs to the fight, without a second glance.

Pj walks to Jack and Dean's position, un-unflinchingly, he joins them.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

A soldier of the other nation jumps out at Chris, they fire, the bullet doesn't hit Chris. Chris puts a bullet through their eye. He looks around for more targets. There's none here.

Chris carries on forward, he sees a section of old wood go up in flames. Three figures by it. He smiles. Chris rolls under some wire. It’s easy to stay concealed, the mud, wood, and wire form walls around him.

Troye and Connor are up ahead, flanked by Tyler and Caspar.

The wire cuts Chris's hand, it's a stupid mistake.

He sees a soldier attempt to sneak up on Troye. The other three haven't noticed them.

Chris throws out his hand, and with his ability, the soldier shoots their self in the face.

Troye jumps and turns.He points his gun, badly, Chris notes.

Connor shoots the body once more, and they return to their previous position.

Chris carries on running. He's attempting the defend the retreat spot from a far diagonal. The bunker is extremely far to one side, meaning that if they form a right angle of defense, they should be able to manage it.

Chris spots Emma throwing a mountain of water onto a fire. He beams. Luke kicks a soldier in the face, forcing them to retreat.

It was easier to move through this wire when he was smaller, he needs to get his shit together.

Chris’s legs love running, it's been so long since he's been this free to move, he's missed it. It'd be better if the air wasn't so smoggy and people were trying to kill him to get past him.

And then he hears the oddest sound he could possibly hear, Chris Kendall hears laughter.

He stops in his tracks.

'Declan! You can't just sneak up on me like that.'

Chris rolls his eyes.

The teenagers.

He moves to them, they're standing near a clearing.

Violet is walking to her friend, her gun strap slung over her shoulder, her smile slung over her lips.

'Sorry. it was too good to resist.' Declan smiles, he's leaning down, sheltered by a mound of earth.

'Just like-'

A bullet goes through the side of her head. She doesn't have the time to make a noise.

Declan screams her name, her real name. It doesn't surprise Chris that he knows it.

Chris can't move, he's hidden where he stands. His mouth hangs open as blood spills from her mouth. Declan's ran to her, kneeling over her body. He's covered in red. More bullets, a small explosion nearby.

Chris runs forward and grabs him by the shoulders. Declan fights to stay with her, but Chris is stronger. Chris pulls him away.

Chris drags him along, refusing to look back at her body.

Chris shields him from attack, there's more and more of the enemy getting closer and closer.

Chris runs.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

They reach the bunker, Chris lets go of Declan. Chris takes each of his shoulders and speaks directly into his face. Tears are streaming down the teen's eyes.

'She'd want you to live.'

'It doesn't matter. She's dead. I'm dead.'

'You're not dead yet.' Chris reminds him. There's an explosion in the distance. Chris remembers his priorities.

'Live.' Chris instructs.

Chris runs back into the fight.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Dan nearly trips with a ball of fire in his hand.

They're surrounded. Six soldiers to the three abnormals.

Phil takes down two, shooting them in the leg. Mitchell throws fire at another two.

Dan extinguishes his fire. Pulling out his gun. The soldier tries to fire through his chest, Phil pulls him out of the way.

Dan fires and a bullet goes through their stomach, they hit the ground and begin to bleed out. Their helmet comes off. They're the same age as Dan. Dan feels sick.

Suddenly, Mitchell is giving him more fire. Dan watches the fire grow and stay in his palm. Dan is reminded of why he's here, what he could do, who's fault this is, every single little thing he’s ignored.

Dan in that second, feels like he becomes stronger.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj doesn't really know what he was expecting, whether it was more or less of this exact thing.

There's fire, a lot of fire. Explosions are frequent, gun fire is constant.

Pj's been running between Jack and Dean on the ground, and Louise and Zoe on the roof.

The roof is devastating, he hates it. He can see more than anyone ever should. Bodies scattered around in red, so many bodies, so much blood. People taking their last painful breaths, alone.

Anyone Pj's grown to love could be having those exact some breaths and Pj wouldn't know until it was too late.

Pj nearly throws up when he sees one of the teens see their friend's body, and get shot second later, Pj thinks he'd overheard them as being called Brad. Their body lays next to their friend's.

He nearly throws up when seconds later, a soldier breaks into their clearing, and Pj shoots them in the chest, they fall and begin bleeding out.

Pj can't drop his gun, but he wants to. He wants to drop to his knees and cry himself to death.

There's a large explosion nearby, Pj throws his body over Zoe's. Zoe makes herself as small as possible. The explosion ends, Pj feels something in the top of his back.

Zoe moves and all he feels is pain, he screams.

'Peej?' Zoe shouts.

Louise picks Pj up, allowing Zoe to wiggle out from under him.

'He's got shrapnel in his neck.' Louise breathes. 'The jacket caught most of it, it's just these two pieces.'

He hears Zoe's gasp, there's tears in his eyes, he can't move.

'We need to get it out.' Zoe snarls.

'But that could...' Louise starts, a bomb in the distance detonates.

'He's a healer. Remember?' Zoe prods. Pj can't see what they're doing. 'You defend us. I'll get it out.' Zoe instructs.

Pj can hear Louise fiddle with her gun.

Zoe clears her throat.

'Pj, sweetheart, I'm going to need you to be strong. Can you do that?'

Zoe's tone of voice reminds him of his mother. Pj tries to nod.

'Good, okay, I've got you.' Zoe carries on.

Zoe puts her thumb and forefinger around the metal.

Pj screams.

Zoe yanks it out, Pj's skin begins to heal, Zoe throws the metal way and holds his skin together to make the healing quicker.

'Just one more, you're doing really well.'

The skin heals over. She doesn't build the next one up for the both of them. She simply pulls it and listens to her friend's cries.

She holds the skin together until it heals over and the pain's gone. The only evidence of injury being blood on his jacket.

Zoe looks at the blood and realizes that would have been her, and she can't heal.

Pj kneels up, Zoe hugs him briefly before picking up her gun.

They return to normal.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Dean's made Jack go inside their retreat. There's too many soldiers for Dean to afford getting slowed down trying to save his friend.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris is running, as normal.

He's taken down five human soldiers, saved Hannah's butt, saved Troye's butt, saved Declan's butt and now, he's trying to save his own.

These two soldiers are determined to get him, he knows that they're there, but it's too smoky to get any sort of advantage on them. Chris trips over a body, in the dim light, he thinks for a moment that it's Phil. It isn't Phil, he breaks the young abnormal's neck to save them the pain of bleeding out.

He finds a hiding place under some wire. He crawls underneath and uses the body as a barrier.

The soldiers run past him.

He pushes the body away.

'I'm sorry.' Chris whispers. A distant explosion in the distance, Chris runs in the opposite direction.

He's pulled back from running around a corner. He turns to shoot but stops himself.

'Carrie?'

'Don't. There's a line of about twenty soldiers down there.'

She lets go of Chris and Chris is left to stare at her tied-back hair as she runs.

Chris peeks around the corner, and sure enough, there's a large gathering of 'the enemy.'

One looks in Chris's direction, he throws himself out of sight, behind a wall of mud, wooden boards, and wire. Chris runs the other way, attempting a full loop, his mind races.

They're heading for the camp, straight on wards, if they're gathering, then the attacks soon.

Chris gets to a vantage point where he can see straight on, there's another gathering of soldiers, almost in line with their retreat.

Chris's heart skips a beat. He ducks down, crawling backwards until he's completely hidden.

He gets his communicator out of his pocket.

**Chris: Retreat. Soldiers gathered face on to bunker. Go now. Stay quiet. Only have minutes.**

Chris sends the message out.

He stands up and gets shot in the stomach.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Dan's communicator flashes up. He reads the message and shouts to Mitchell and Phil.

'Retreat!'

They hear him and immediately start running behind him.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Hannah reads her orders, she screams them out to Grace, Mamrie, and Joe. They sprint away.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Caspar carries Tyler over his shoulder. Tyler's been cut across his back by enemy knives, maybe poisoned. Ahead of him, Troye and Connor shoot a pathway to the bunker. Caspar has blood running down the side of his face.

None of them hear Chris when he tries to scream at them when the walk straight past him, but he's too well hidden.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

None of the three on the rooftop see the message. They were too busy shooting at other nation soldiers, the only person committed to the kill being Louise, but Zoe and Pj do what they must.

They see Dan beneath them.

'Get in!' Dan shouts.

The three of them jump into action like a reflex

Louise jumps straight off the roof, helping the other two down. They run into the bunker and past the doors. The room is dark, they find corners, and huddle together. All of them are covered in dirt and blood.

They pray that everyone they love makes it through the doors.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Mitchell and Phil come through next. Phil runs straight to Louise, sitting practically in her arms.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Caspar, Tyler, Connor, and Troye come through next. Pj goes to Tyler, he can't heal him but he can ease the pain whilst the others treat his back. Pj holds his hands and Mitchell holds a ball of fire to act as a torch.

Mamrie swears at the stupid scenario Tyler has got himself into when she arrives. Hannah heals him within seconds of her arrival, they embrace graciously. Both of them smelling like war.

Grace and Joe are through the doors next, the ones that Dean and Jack are aiming guns out of.

Joe runs straight to his sisters arms, and then to his Caspar’s lips.

'Thank fuck you're okay.' Joe shouts, kissing him again. Caspar laughs.

That familiar 'Get a room' reminds everyone that Tyler is alive.

Emma, Luke, and Chris. That's everyone that's left outside.

The noises of the front-line are live, loud, and brutal.

'How long have we got before...' Dan starts.

'Before we shut the doors.' Phil finishes.

Silence. This is a decision that none of them want to make.

'Two minutes. Chris wouldn't even like us taking that long.'

'But Chris is alive, we've heard from him...' Pj defends.

Phil nods. 'That's why you're giving them two minutes, isn't it?'

Jack grimaces before nodding.

They wait.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'We're here!'

'Wait for us!'

A weight is taken off the backs of everyone in the bunker.

Emma and Luke jump through the door.

The weight is lighter, but replaced once more.

Chris isn't with them.

'You can shut the doors.' Emma instructs.

'No! You can't!' Pj shouts.

Emma and Luke look at him. Phil reaches out and takes Pj's hand.

'Chris isn't back.' Phil tells them.

They sit in silence.

The noises from outside get louder.

Jack swallows. 'Send Chris a message, tell him to send us a message when he's outside. We have to close these doors to even stand a chance, they're going to walk straight past us.'

Phil's face pales. He shakes as he fumbles for the communicator in his pocket. Pj realizes that Phil probably didn't hold Pj's hand for Pj's benefit.

Phil's communicator beeps before Phil can even turn it on.

The sign of an unread message.

Pj can hear his heartbeat, he can't feel his hand with how tight Phil's squeezing it.

Dean shuts the doors, keeping his eyes on Phil. Mitchell's fire lights the room.

Phil reads it, his face contorts, tears come to his eyes.

He looks up and shakes his head. Everyone fights to keep their resolve.

Pj doesn’t even get the time to think it through.

Pj's pocket starts beeping.

And his heart stops.

Tears rack his chest, lining his throat and constricting.

He fumbles in his pocket for a minute.

He takes out the flashing screen.

He taps the screen until the word 'Chris' comes up.

He exhales loudly, those tears start to come out of his eyes.

**Chris: I love you. I'm**

The message cuts off. Pj's never going to know what he was trying to say.

Pj throws his communicator at the wall. He knows he can't scream, but he sobs anyway, he sobs silently for Chris.

Eventually, Zoe and Phil take Pj into their arms and hold him. He stops making noise, those tears coming out anyway. The communicator hasn't even broken, it's staring at Pj.

Nobody says a word, letting the knowledge lay in them. Tyler finally falls victim to tears, and surprisingly, it's Troye that tries to clean them.

They listen to the sound of enemy soldiers pounding their feet into the ground outside, and they pray that they don't get found.

But most importantly, they pray for a miracle.


	6. Chapter 6

The gunshots turn into nothing. The abnormals inside their retreat are packed tight, Pj can hear the breathing of the people to his left and right. His head hurts, his throat is raw, he's dirt covered, there's blood on his jacket. Pj is tired and hungry, but it doesn't matter anymore.

Sunlight starts to creep in under the door.

Nobody makes an effort to move, nobody makes an effort to sleep.

All the light is doing is allowing Pj to see that everyone has gotten covered in blood too. Zoe's got Pj's blood on her hands.

Everyone else must have killed people too. The only way all this blood could be on them is if they’re murderers.

Just like Pj is a murderer, Sophie was right, Pj wasn't built for this.

Pj keeps on seeing the person he shot fall to the ground, seeing that blood pour out. He thinks it's probably their blood he's got on their shoes. Pj stares at it, it's his fault, right?

Kill or be killed.

Phil coughs, it's dry.

Pj never wanted to kill, but he didn't want to die.

This isn't fair, he never wanted this.

Pj blinks for a few seconds too long and his eyes sting.

Chris didn't come back, he didn't finish that message, it's pretty much confirmation.

Does that make what Pj did revenge? Can he live with that? A bullet in the enemy for the bullet that's probably in his lover?

Dan doesn't say anything, he pulls his gun out, he loads it slowly.

Pj watches him with tired eyes and an ache for home and forget.

Dan gets up, he walks to the door. He puts his hand on the handle, he turns to the group.

'I can't stay in here anymore. I've got my communicator. I'll-'

'I'm coming with you.' Tyler interjects.

Tyler stands up.

Pj doesn't tell his body to move too, but it does. Dan doesn't smile at him, Dan merely offers him a nod, which Pj returns.

Jack stumbles to his feet with Dean's assistance. Louise, Zoe, Joe, and Grace, stand. Mamrie's hands are not cut, but blood covered, she avoids touching anything as she stands.

The others pull themselves back to their feet in turn.

Eventually, it's only Phil left on the ground.

He stares at the dirt he's sitting on, and he thinks.

He looks up at all of the dim dark auras. Some melding and others repelling, some standing out and others more subtle.

He looks at Dan and notices that the black hole in his soul, isn't there like he expected.

He looks at Pj and sees a lump of black so large, it looks like a tear.

Phil comes to a conclusion.

_Keep going._

Phil stands up.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Dan pushes the door, the first thing he sees is dust.

There's dust everywhere, the sun floats through it. It makes the air look golden, Dan smiles, it looks like the desert, he could use the desert. It's just clear enough to see.

Not that they want to see.

The front-line was desolate but busy when they arrived. Structured mud walls formed small trenches in fighting ground. Everywhere was fair game in this attack.

The first thing Dan observes is what used to be a building, a hand was obviously trying to claw out. It's dead, Dan knows that, whoever they were is gone.

Other bodies scatter the ground, some surrounded by blood pools, others trails, some have no blood at all.

Mud has been splattered everywhere, blood has been splattered everywhere. There's no escape from the carnage, from the twisted guilt and sick stomachs.

The sight would be easier to take in if there was noise. If the wails of mourners were audible, or the rescue effort.

Instead, there's a heavy dead silence that drowns the world.

And slowly, they wade through it.

They don't mean to pair up.

Louise holds Pj's hand like a lifeline as she continues to suffocate her feelings.

Dan carries on at the front.

He's the first to see it, no one else can see that well through the dust, it's Dan's years in the desert which have taught him how.

'There's a truck.' Dan announces, he leans down sub-consciously, reaching for his lighter.

Phil nods. 'I can see some auras.'

Phil waves the group over, slipping into that mission mode which allows him to ignore the pain in his chest. The group gather behind a section of brick and wire, they peek at the actions in front of them. Dan wishes he had his goggles.

Two soldiers pull a body behind them. The group of abnormals silence themselves, listening in. There’s another three soldiers waiting by the van.

'I can't believe we found the body.' One soldier states.

'It makes our jobs easier.'

A soldier defending the van laughs. 'It means they don't have to waste time on his fucking trial anyway.'

Another laughs too.

The body is blackened with soot and ash, sprinkled with dust, bathed in blood focusing on their front. The head hits the ground hard as it's dragged.

The truck is opened, rows of living abnormals sit in the back, all of them tied up.

It's Carrie that recognizes him from the van, from the group's vantage point, how could they?

'Chris!' Carrie shouts.

'Shut up!' One soldier retorts.

Carrie fights against her restraints, the others do too. They all know that being taken somewhere by their previous enemy, is a bad idea.

Pj's heart moves to his throat, he stares at the unmoving messy human laying on the ground, no indication of life shown externally.

But there's an indication of life internally.

Finally, Phil gasps.

'He's alive.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The dead body lets out a small moan of pain.

Chris turns over, he coughs up even more blood than he already has. His arms are cut by wire and knives. His eyes are scarred by bright lights and dust. His lungs feel like they're made from sand.

He has his hand over his wound, he can partially stop the bleeding, but he can't stop it internally. This is borrowed time.

He can hear pounding voices and he wants to cry because this isn't where he belongs, this isn't home. Home is warm voices and warmer arms and heavy rainfall and organized chaos.

This is pain and pain and pain and he can't remember why anymore.

Was there something he had to do? A promise he had to keep? Some mission he gave himself?

He wants those fucking voices to stop.

He opens his eyes, and everything is the shade of jewelry reflections.

He frowns at soldier uniform backs, they're pointing guns at a van of people.

Friendly people, he likes those people, those people are his people. You stand for your people when they can't stand for themselves. 

Anger.

He extends a hand up to the sky, and he tries to touch the sun. He feels power in his fingertips and he knows that he can be so much more than this.

He makes his hand into a fist and he hears an explosion.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

It's an energy ripple in the air. Phil is temporarily blinded.

There's gasps.

'He really is alive.'

'What did he do?'

The soldiers are on their backs, knocked by Chris's energy. Abnormals start to jump out of the back of vehicles. Running away into the distance, all of them untied.

The soldiers get up, swearing and staggering.

Chris is still again, on the ground.

Pj watches with wide eyes and a frozen body.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The soldiers get to their feet.

They exchange looks. They look back at Chris. They nod.

'Get him in the van.'

A soldier turns around and looks in, every abnormal is gone, as they expected.

'Motherfucker is powerful, you gotta give him that.' They tut.

'Will they blame us for this?'

The soldier shakes his head. 'Not as long as we get him back.'

They nod again and move.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Phil can see Chris's aura getting dimmer and dimmer. He watches the soldiers slowly get to their feet.

'What do we do?' Tyler asks.

Silence.

Then Phil's running, nobody else is following him.

He's running to Chris.

He hears swearing, and then louder swearing.

Phil looks back for a split second and laughs when he sees Pj sprinting behind him, Dan inches behind.

Phil's faster, he reaches Chris first. The soldiers notice him at last second.

They run at Phil, recognizing him. Phil bears his teeth, snarling at them. His running having had the desired effect, they've been distracted from Chris.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

They watch as the three run, Tyler's about to follow when he realizes he can barely see them anymore, the dust has picked up.

When the dust passes, he can see Phil being tasered from behind, he sees him hit the ground. Phil was overwhelmed.

The group of abnormals sit and watch, as Pj and Dan get taken down too. Hands over mouths, they observe.

The abnormals act, moving together, but the soldiers are quick. They pull the bodies into the van, one soldier shoots at the group, leaving them unable to follow.

The van pulls away. Troye and Emma run after it, the others stay behind, it's too late.

They've lost them.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj's first coherent thought after getting electricity put into him as a weapon was 'Seriously?'. In hindsight, Pj finds this funny.

He can't move. He was put into the truck last, and he hadn't even been able to fight it. He'd just about been able to see his friends fight for them, unable to make it to them due to gunfire. He'd seen them try, he supposes that counts for something.

His chest is heavy. He looks at Chris heave air through his body.

His lover is alive and near to him. He might not be for much longer.

Pj carries on looking at him, his chest getting heavier and heavier as he gasps and Pj can't get to him yet. He can't kiss him and make him better.

Pj could smile, Chris freed them. He freed all the abnormals, however bad Chris thinks he is, Pj thinks he's better than he pictures himself.

And now Pj's got to be strong, he's got to be strong the way that he's been taught to be, by Chris and his parents.

He curls his fingers, and it hurts.

He relaxes them, and tenses them again.

He repeats this until he's got control of his arm.

Pj hears Dan and Phil doing the same thing inches away from him.

Pj tries to speak and is surprised when his mouth obeys him.

'Chris...'

No response. Pj's body starts to listen to more and more of his instructions. He looks up at Dan and Phil, both of whom seem to be in a lot of pain.

'H-H-Healing.' Pj chokes out as his own explanation.

He gets his arm back completely. He reaches up and grabs Dan's foot, his thumb finding the groove of the side of his ankle.

Pj can feel that familiar draining sensation, he heals Dan, Dan reaches his up.

'Peej?' Dan whispers.

Pj removes his hand.

Pj needs to get to Phil.

He reaches out but his legs aren't working for him yet.

Dan sits up, fully able to move. He frowns.

'Where are you-'

'-Phil.' Pj shouts.

Dan understands, he pulls Pj along. Pj takes Phil's arm into his hand and looks into his eyes as Phil recovers.

And Pj is even more exhausted with a final stop.

'Chris.' He orders. Dan had been expecting it, he pulls him back down. He realizes that primarily, Dan is just glad that nobody tied them up, even if they have been captured.

Pj reaches Chris and he kisses his lips. His hand slips under Chris's jaw to hold his head to him.

Pj feels the life drain out of him, he feels colder.

Chris's cuts fade and the bullet, partially removed by Chris's own power, comes out. Chris's lungs feel less like sandpaper.

Chris opens his eyes just in time to see Pj shut his.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris catches Pj and pulls him into his arms.

He calls Pj's name, but Pj's not present. Chris checks his pulse, and finds it there, steady and silent.

Pj's alive. Chris kisses his temple.

Chris looks up at Dan and Phil.

'We're alive.' Chris breathes.

Phil smiles.

'Just about.' He swallows.

He reads both of their faces.

Chris bites his lip.

'Did anyone...' Chris doesn't finish.

Phil shakes his head. 'The only person that didn't make it to the bunker was you.'

'We thought we'd lost you.' Dan adds.

Chris grimaces. 'Sorry, I got shot.'

Phil nods. 'You should have stayed closer, or had someone go with you.'

Chris shakes his head. 'They would have slowed me down.'

'You wouldn't have nearly died.'

'I saved people yesterday Philly. I did the right thing.' Chris declares. He looks at his surroundings. 'The only bad thing I did was get found.'

Phil scrunches his face up. 'What do you mean?'

The truck goes over a bump. Pj nearly bangs his head. Chris pulls him closer.

'If I hadn't got caught, the three of you wouldn't have.' Chris looks down at his lover. 'I'm guessing that's what happened.'

Phil nods. 'There was a group of abnormals in here already. You freed them. They ran. I ran to try and save you before you got caught. Pj and Dan did the same.'

'The others couldn't make it because you know, bullets and death and stuff.' Dan jokes. Chris huffs out a laugh.

'The three of you are idiots.'

'I wasn't leaving you Chris.' Phil declares. 'I already thought you were gone. You said you were dead in your message to me.'

Chris reaches out and takes Phil's hand.

'Sorry about that, you should have left me.' Chris says.

Phil shakes his head. 'No, we should have not got caught. We're capable of making our own decisions, you're not my hero, you're my best friend. Stop acting like my superior.'

There's a silence.

Chris looks at Phil, Phil glares back. 

'I'm sorry.' Chris tells him. 

Phil slowly nods. 'You're forgiven.'

Pj's thoughts are empty happy dreams with a murderous edge.

Dan tries to get a grip of himself, to hold himself together so he can face whatever's next. He refuses to cry, not that he would.

Phil tries to take respite in his friend's auras, that dark hole in Pj's is smaller now, Chris having seemed to have calmed it.

Chris looks around this box they've been put in. It's obviously moving, but it's obviously been made for prisoners.

'We're not getting out of this, are we?' Chris asks.

Phil stares at him. 'I don't know.'

'We're stuck.' Chris carries on.

'That's true.' Dan comments.

'Where do you think they're taking us?' Chris asks, he thinks he knows the answer.

'From the direction? Back to the city.'

'But these aren't our nation soldiers...' Dan starts and stops.

Chris sighs

'Looks like there isn't an our nation anymore Spork.'

The vehicle is quiet again. Soldier's murmurs can be heard.

Dan surprises Chris again.

'Good.'

'Huh?' Chris asks.

'That's good. Fuck our nation. Fuck the other nation. Let's start again.'

Phil squeezes Chris's hand, Chris sees him reach out and take Dan's.

'Daniel-' Dan flinches. '-If the war is over, that won't be good for us.'

'It could be good for them.' Chris points out.

Chris looks down at Pj's familiar sleeping pose. Chris kisses his forehead.

'They're all like us now Chris.' Phil whispers. 'They all got forced to...'

Chris looks down at Pj and he takes this into account.

Pj's a killer too now, and it doesn't mean anything to Chris, because Chris knows him now, he knows he wouldn't do it without being forced.

'They'll see them as victims. We'll make them be seen as victims if we have to. I'll change my mission, but my promise is always going to be the same, keep them alive. I know I sound like a prick, but I'll do that.'

Quiet.

'And if we die?' Phil begs.

Chris blesses Pj's face and the memory of everyone he's ever loved in that second.

'Then we die knowing we tried our best. Right?'

Phil ends up smiling at him.

'Right.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

There's no effort to fill the quiet of the van, it happens easily.

Chris keeps his arms around Pj, it's easy. It gives him something to hold onto, to kiss when he's scared.

They talk about dreams and hopes, they avoid reality.

Chris thinks they would talk about reality if it wasn't for Dan.

Chris would ask Phil about the real future, because Chris is hard-pressed to guess what will happen to them when those doors open.

Chris doesn't know where he's safe anymore.

He doesn't know who's in charge of him, who he listens to.

He doesn't know whether he's going to live or die.

He doesn't know how to keep his promises.

He pulls Pj tighter.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

They don't even bother giving any of them a chance to fight, knowing that Chris would probably win.

As the gas fills their room, Chris tucks his face into Pj's neck.

'I'm so sorry.' Chris squeezes Pj, tears in his eyes. He's coughing. 'I'm so sorry.'

Chris swears he hears chanting, loud chanting.

Chris forces his eyes open, because being gassed is never a good sign, he's done it enough times.

He looks at Pj's face.

At Marzia's funeral, people had said that before she'd died, she'd seen Felix again. They said that before you die, you see the people you love most.

That always made sense to Chris.

He decides to try and memorize Pj's face as his eyes close.

He hears voices and screaming and nothing.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

When Pj wakes up, he's alone.

He sees a door, and his body pulls him to it.

Oh, what a surprise, it's locked.

Pj's not in pain anymore, he's actually pretty well rested.

He's still in his dirty clothes, but he tries to look at the positives, he still has his bracelet.

Of course, that's bullshit. He doesn't know where he is, what happened, who's alive, who's dead... He's not in control of his own life anymore.

Was he in the first place?

Will he ever be?

There's nowhere to go. He ends up sitting on his bed again. He curls up into a ball.

He tries to avoid dreaming of home.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris is alone.

He wasn't expecting to still be alive, this has been a bit of a win for him.

Chris starts off shouting at the door, he knows where he is. He's put people in these cells before.

He's in the abnormal training building, he's home.

But he's underground. Where they keep their labs, their torture chambers, and their prisons.

Chris is in the place they keep their secrets and mistakes, where they lock them away and slice your throat if you dare to whisper.

Chris probably counts as one of those secrets these days.

He kicks the metal when he doesn't hear any replies.

'You can't just lock me away to die! I won't go quietly!'

'When have you ever?'

The voice stuns him.

Chris stops kicking.

He shouts again.

'Carrie?'

'In the flesh.'

Chris grins before he freezes up.

'What did you do?'

'I ran into another group. Sorry Chris.'

Chris rubs his mouth.

'Did everyone get caught...'

'No! Just me! I made sure of that!'

Chris frowns.

'How?'

'I stabbed the soldier in the throat.'

Chris ends up grinning, even though he knows it's disgusting.

'You sly dog.'

He thinks he can hear her smiling too.

'I try Chris.'

There's a silence.

'What do we do?' Chris asks.

Another pause.

'I don't know anymore.'

And with that, gas fills Chris’s cell.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Louis runs through his bedroom door once more, he slams it after him.

He can't hold everyone together anymore. It's not temporary anymore. He can't be responsible for everyone.

On the night that the soldiers had come through the mountains, they'd all sprinted to Sophie's house. Her family home is the only one with a basement. They'd all curled up among the drying crop and waited to see if someone would come for them. Pj's father had a gun aimed at the door, one of the ones he'd acquired after his son was taken. Sophie had sat in Louis's arms and watched the ceiling, uncertainty painted onto her. Jamie sat next to Louis with a blank face. Halfway through the night filled with the sound of far distant footsteps, Jamie had taken Louis's hand into his own. The soldiers made it here. They know what that could mean. They all do.

Then the soldiers had gone and they got out.

Then they went into the village for news.

The war was over. The other nation had won.

The capital had been taken with very little resistance. The abnormals had been sent to the front-line, as Louis knew, there was no one to defend the city. The nation's biggest defense, in the end was their downfall.

They'd listened to speeches and declarations in the village throughout the day, through the radio. The day was odd, nobody knowing whether to celebrate or panic. Of course, Louis was just waiting for news of Pj.

Vans had turned up halfway through the day, people had scattered.

A man got onto the roof of their vehicle, and started shouting news at them.

'The new nation has declared no change to this sector. But a change to the way you have been living.' The citizens had looked among themselves, confused. Louis felt each of his hands get held and squeezed, Jamie and Sophie.

'What's going to happen?' Sophie whispered.

The man on the vehicle nodded.

'I understand..' He sighed. 'You have been living without knowledge of how your nation used to work. We will give you that information, and then you will help us build a better nation, a new nation.'

'What information?!'

'Why should we trust you?'

'Where's my brother?!' Eva screamed, coming with them on the search for Pj several people looked at the scar on her face with sympathy.

'I don't know about your brother. I'm sorry.' He announced. He turned to the crowd. 'The information is being shown at the ration centre. I encourage you to go, or at least send someone to find out, it'll change you. Maybe even liberate you.'

And with that the man on the vehicle drove away.

People followed him on foot immediately.

Everyone that lives on the farm had gathered. In the end, they elected Louis to go.

They journey had been hard, the journey back had been harder.

Louis just arrived home, he feels the weight of the world on his shoulders. His world view has just been torn apart.

His friend isn't coming home.

And now, it's someone's fault he isn't.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris wakes up in a chair, he's tied down.

He's facing a screen.

'Carrie?' He shouts.

The screen turns on, completely white.

'Chris Kendall.'

'Hey.'

'Abnormal number 1240. Possession of ability to manipulate physical matter.'

'True.' Chris doesn't even know he's sassing.

'Recruited at age six, advanced due to his power.'

Chris frowns, they don't normally go down that route.

'First kill at age twelve, he's killed over two hundred people since.'

Chris swallows.

'Prime example of the manipulation that this nation used to run on.' The voice continues.

'Well that's not fair.' Chris chokes.

A silence.

'I know.'

More quiet. Chris's breathing is hard as he thinks through everything this could be.

Finally, he chokes.

'Who are you?'

There's only a beat.

'I'm your judge. I'll be running your trial.'

Chris blinks at the blank screen.

He's not stupid, he's never been stupid.

That means he's going to die.

'Where are my friends? Where are they? Are they-'

'Your friends are either being trialed, being healed, or being found.'

'Phil? Dan? Pj?'

'The three you arrived with are being trialed after you.'

Chris nods. He thinks, he plots.

'Who are you?'

The voice takes a moment.

'I'm your judge. I-'

'-But who are you? Why do you get to trail me? Who gave _you_ power?'

Chris could laugh at the silence that follows that.

He doesn't. He's too preoccupied with thinking.

'I was trained to be impartial in the past. I am from what you would refer to as 'The Other Nation'.'

'Who gave you power?' Chris repeats.

'My old nation, and the new leaders of our new nation.'

Chris does laugh at that.

'New Nation? That was quick.'

'Once the data regarding abnormals was released, allegiance came quickly.'

Chris frowns, his heart is in his throat. His pulse is fast, he's sweaty, he's still dusty from the front-line.

He could really use ten minutes with either Phil or Pj, even Dan.

'What data?'

A longer pause, meant to build tension, Chris thinks.

'That Chris, is what we're going to show you.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris has no choice but to listen.

To begin with, it doesn't surprise him. It's things he knew were happening. Things that happened to him. Abuse, murder, suicide, mind-washing, torture, misery.

The screen then shows him tales of children being turned into soldiers, it takes Chris a few seconds to figure out that the example is him.

Chris realizes that all of this would be news to everyone that isn't abnormal, they wouldn't know about the level of death. The numbers being read are being made to sound like carnage, but Chris isn't surprised.

'We were shocked by this news. There was even talk of not disclosing the following information with the public, but we had to. Everyone needs to know, so this never happens again.'

Chris frowns. The voice continues.

'The whole of this old nation, was built on propaganda and manipulation. Fear was put into children of abnormals. It's even evident in their name, abnormals, meaning something different and repulsive.' Chris flinches.

'Rude.' Chris comments.

'The old government here made a statement of making itself into a hero. It defended it's citizens from 'abnormals', a natural occurrence.'

Chris laughs. 'And?'

'But, the abnormals were npt a natural occurrence. They were made.'

Chris's heart stops. ‘What?’

'Genetic modification was being perfected at the end of the first wars. When this nation arose, the information was kept. When our nation contacted, and saw the damage being done here by the old government to ithe citizens, they needed something to defend them. Their old government, turned to science.'

Chris feels sick, all over.

'They created a way that meant all that was required was an injection, for a fetus to be modified. They installed a new public health program for expectant mothers, in a small percentage of these ‘pregnancy packs’, rested the syringe to modification. Something that would give the fetus the ability to manipulate the elements, as a result of their inbuilt survival instincts. A child that had a fast healing rate, would end up with a healing based ability. A child with tough skin that resists being burnt, would end up fireproof-.'

Chris's mouth is wide, breathing heavy, head light.

'-What about me? What about Phil? Luke?'

'If the injection malfunctioned, they may end up with internal abilities. It's unknown as to why, although it has been suggested that the the injection increased brain power, and resulted in the given ability. The current theory is that you, Mr Lester, and Mr Cutforth, have access to another dimension.'

Chris spaces out.

'The abnormals were created, and then the fear was. The population, so conditioned by it's government, forgot that the abnormal threat was new. They were taught in schools, in news, in training. The abnormals became a distraction from the reality. There was a new evil, and as a result, the true evil became a hero...'

The screen continues to talk about the ‘manipulation’ of this nation and deceit, how they had to pick a war, as they couldn't stand by and watch this manipulation. Chris has heard enough, too much.

This was done to him.

Somebody made the decision to put that injection into a kit, his mother made the decision to trust them enough to take it. Nearly two thousand of them were, created.

He vomits to the side of his chair.

All of his life, he's been blaming his fucked up genetics for his circumstances. All of his life, he's followed the orders he's been given, because they were given to keep people safe. It's been his fault for being different, it's been his fault that he got triggered. His fault he's here. His fault he's a murderer. His fault. 

His danger was made.

He gets a headache, and he's never been happier about it.

He starts hitting his head against the back of his chair. He hears a voice shout before he passes out.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

A few rooms away, Dan is being told the same information by his own judge.

He stays silent, and he wonders whether this is why his family thought he was wrong all along.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Phil is best described as unhappy.

'SO I'M A FUCKED UP INJECTION? IS THAT ALL I AM?'

'Philip Lester, please calm-'

'I will not calm down! Because I'm an injection.' Phil can see too many bright lights. He thinks. 'Chris?'

'Chis Kendall is fine. I can assure you.'

'Will you kill us together?' Phil tries to bite, it ends up as a beg.

'Nothing has been set yet. You need to be trailled. The majority will decide-'

'To kill us. Because they're still scared.' He bites his lip, and looks at the ground. 'Because I'm an injection. Give the people a choice, and they'll pick to see us in the simplest way, as monsters.' 

A small bout of silence.

'A decision will be made. It's not mine entirely to make. Accept that.'

Phil nods.

'How many abnormals have seen this?' Phil asks.

'All of the ones we've got here. That's currently only in double figures. Hence we’ve been able to process you all so quickly.'

Phil's eyebrows crease.

'But there's two hundred and fifty of us...'

'Some of them may have ran to evade capture, due to their upbringing, this is understandable. But they are still dangerous. We believe that a large amount, may not have survived.'

Breath gets caught in Phil's chest, he should have expected it. He begins to cry silently.

'That makes sense.'

Quiet.

'We'll get this mess sorted out Philip. I promise you that.'

Gas fills the room and Phil returns to sleep.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj feels empty as he watches the screen.

The revelation hits him in waves.

'What?'

A blink, dread.

'No...'

Silence.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Sophie swore she'd seen Louis arrive an hour ago. His parents aren't in. Hasn't he gathered that they're all at Jamie's home?

Jamie frowns at her when she looks out of the window again. The candle's wax is running down onto the aged antique brass. Their parent's have either gone to bed or gone home. Louis's parents stayed here, waiting for their son.

'I should have gone with him.' Jamie says, again.

Sophie nods, she's been thinking the same thing.

Louis has been quieter than normal recently, she hates it with a passion. She hates it when he feels like he has to be quiet. She spent years trying to get him out of that.

Sophie will spend years getting him out of it again, she doesn't even mind, anything for the people she cares for.

She tuts, before retrieving her coat.

'Where are you going?' Jamie asks, he's sat down.

'I'm going to see if he's home.'

Jamie nods. She shrugs her coat on, the weather is getting colder. Summer is ending. It's been their first summer without Pj.

Sophie embraces Jamie, neither of them rush to break away. She presses a kiss to his cheek. He pulls her tighter before letting go. They've all gotten used to these gestures, Pj's absence made them realize they should have been doing it.

Sophie goes out of the door, and Jamie goes to bed.

Jamie shuts his bedroom window. He hates this time of year. It'll be boiling in this room when he wakes up, he'll probably have nightmares. It's been a while since he's had a good dream anyway.

He lays on his side, he shuts his eyes, he wishes his friend was here.

He falls asleep.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

In the city, Pj, Dan, Phil, and Chris sleep meters away from each other.

Their sleep gives them respite from their past, from their future.

It stops them from worrying about tomorrow, and in this moment, that is necessary.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Sophie darts her eyes from side to side as she walks through the dark.

Her fists are out, and she's ready to defend herself. She hadn't even seen Pj get taken, yet she doesn't trust the land she grew up on anymore. She feels the bracelet on her wrist, leather, Pj has a matching one.

Louis's home seems cold, there's no moonlight to illuminate it.

A twig snaps and Sophie starts running. She doesn't even turn to look at the source.

She reaches the front door, she pulls it and slams it shut after her. She finds herself facing the door, hands curled into fists again.

She takes a step backwards.

She walks into something.

She screams, turning and landing a punch before it even registers.

She just hit Louis's chest and now she can see him trying not to laugh.

'I hate you.' Sophie whispers.

Louis nods twice. 'I know you do.'

He hugs her and she buries her face into his chest. He could use a bath, they all could.

The room is cold, the whole world is cold when the sun isn't on it anymore. Sophie can see tears on Louis's cheeks when she looks up. He refuses to let her go.

'I don't hate you. You do know that right?' Sophie tells him, realizing that he's probably not in the right place for her to be throwing hate around.

He shuts his eyes, and elects not to say anything.

Sophie detests that with every bone in her body.

'Please don't be quiet. I hate it when you're quiet.'

Louis opens his eyes, he ends up smiling.

'I need to be quiet. There's never been room for all four of us to all be disturbed at once.' He jokes.

'Fight for our space then. Don't take the bullet for us.'

'It would be Peej that did that.'

Sophie flinches, eyes widening and heart aching.

Louis grimaces.

'Too soon?'

Sophie can't help but laugh.

'A little. He might be dead...' Her smile melts. She swallows away any possibility.

She squeezes him tighter.

'I'm sorry.' He admits.

The world is quiet, too quiet, and it reminds them of everything they miss. It reminds Sophie of what she's going to have to ask.

'Don't be sorry. You always tell me to not be sorry.' A deep breath. 'Don't be sorry.' She repeats.

Louis moves a hand from her back, he rubs his face with it.

'This is all so fucked up, what happened... It's all so fucking dark.'

Sophie looks at Louis's face, and she has another revelation.

'Don't tell me. I don't need to know. You can tell us all tomorrow-'

'-I'm still going to have to tell you at some point. And Sophie, it's so much darker than we thought.'

'Then let me be your light.'

The words are blurted out, they hadn't registered. Sophie wouldn't take them back. Louis is looking at her with raised eyebrows.

'You already are.' He speaks quietly.

Sophie smiles.

'Jamie too, right?'

He nods.

'Oh yeah, you can't forget Jamie.'

'Bless him.'

They both laugh.

It hasn't even properly registered in either of their heads that they're still embracing.

Louis swallows.

'Tomorrow's going to be hard.'

Sophie blinks. 'How hard?'

'It's going to change everything, forever.'

Sophie nods. 'Could we use a little change?'

Louis ends up smiling again.

'We could all use some change.'

Sophie looks up at the bags under Louis's eyes and she listens to the rawness of his voice. Her own exhaustion is reflected there, she’s so tried.

'How long has it been since you slept?'

Louis shrugs. 'Who knows?'

Sophie glares at him, ducking her chin down to look up at him.

'You're going to bed.'

Louis rolls his eyes.

'Soph-'

'And I'm coming with you.' Sophie declares.

Louis looks at her for more explanation.

He doesn't get any.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Louis ends up falling asleep before Sophie. It's innocent, he keeps on having to remind himself that this is innocent.

It's completely platonic to have Sophie in his arms. It's completely normal to be smiling at the way her chest is raising and falling, and at the look on her face. It's completely fine to never want to sleep without her again.

Her hands rest above her head, Louis reaches out and touches her wrist. They're freezing. Delicately, he holds one hand and moves it under the woven blanket that gives them sanctuary. When he picks up the other, Sophie interlinks their fingers in her sleep. Louis panics for a split second. In the end, he moves her hand, he gives that icy wrist a single kiss, just above her bracelet, and he moves them under the covers.

He makes no effort to detach their hands.

Eventually, he falls asleep too.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj is woken up the next day by a soldier. They have a kind face, they introduce themselves as Mark. His pink hair marks which nation he originated from.

'I'm going to take you somewhere that you can clean up.' Mark tells him.

Pj glares at him.

'Then where?'

Mark forces a smile.

'I'm going to bring you back.'

Pj carries on glaring.

'What about my fucking trial?'

Mark nods at him.

'That'll take place without you until they get your verdict. It shouldn't take too long for you.'

Pj frowns.

'Why?'

'You've barely been here. It'll be the ones that they don't think they can trust that'll become problems.'

It takes Pj a beat of thought.

'Like my tutors.'

Mark debates lying, he decides not too.

'Yes, like your tutors.'

Pj would shout at him, but he doesn't look happy at the news anyway, and Pj would like to be clean again.

Mark walks him to the shower, Pj tries to look through as many windows as possible. He sees no-one.

When he's in the shower, he sees the dirt, dust, and blood drain away. Even when the water is clear, Pj still doesn't feel clean. His fingers go to his bracelet, it doesn't make him feel relaxed, it provides no comfort.

Pj finds himself crying again, but he's not crying because he wants to go home anymore, he's crying because he wants Chris.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Sophie wakes up before Louis. She stares at his resting face for a second, before deciding to not wake him up. She can help him with his chores later, the world can wait.

She lays there until he wakes up too.

They make eye contact and expect it to be awkward, in the end, they both laugh.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Sophie and Louis find their families together. They watch Louis, waiting for news.

He coughs once before he downloads it. The secrets, the death count, the lies. Pj's mother begins to cry when she hears about the injections, how the pregnancy pack that she took is the reason her son is different.

'You couldn't have known.'

'I should have.'

They are all heavier for the information, yet they don't feel any worse. They don't think it's possible to feel anymore guilty.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The trials start the next day, of the abnormals, of the people that created them.

The later is easy, the unanimous decision of the end of their days comes quickly. Those that were in charge are told their sentence, and carted to their death, in the land that used to be the other nation.

The abnormals are trickier, they carry a grey morality that nobody knows how to deal with. Some want all of them to be immediately freed, others want restriction, others want complete death. The rooms of court are being displayed on every single television screen they have. People in the sectors of the nation that was, watch eagerly.

Louis, Sophie, and Jamie are among them. They make little noise but watch with a furious intent.

There's a point that the names of the sixty abnormals they have captive are said.

Sophie wonders how many of them will get the second chance they need.

There's a horrible glaring moment, when they say Pj's full name.

They hold hands, and with the information that he's alive, return home for the night again.

Jamie tells Pj's family of his status. It's like a breath of air, but he's still in danger.

They intend to return to the screens tomorrow.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Three more days repeat themselves.

Pj eats what he's given, he wears whats given to him, he showers, he waits.

Dan, Chris, and Phil, do the same. However, the other three resist more than Pj does. Pj doesn't have the fight left in him.

In these three days, Jamie, Sophie, and Louis repeat themselves too.

They do their chores, take care of crops, animals, their families.

They walk to the ration centre and they listen for news.

They go home. This has been the only thing that's changed, sometimes they're silent, sometimes they joke.

They reach home, they go into their houses.

An hour later, Sophie will give up sleeping and go to Louis's.

She sleeps in his arms, and he won't complain. He'll never complain.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Something changes on the fourth day.

Pj screamed in his sleep, again, his throat is raw.

Mark comes into his cell again. Pj stares up at him, his eyelids are heavy, he's stopped moving so much, curled up in a ball.

Mark looks at him with pity in his eyes.

'They've got your verdict.' Mark announces.

Pj doesn't say anything, he simply shifts the direction of his head.

Mark has a tight-lipped smile painted onto him.

'Do you wanna come find out?'

Pj shakes his head.

Mark laughs.

'I'm sorry Pj, you don't have a choice.'

Pj snorts.

'Did I ever?'

Mark sighs.

'Come on, we'll make the world a better place.' Mark outstretches a hand to pull Pj to his feet.

Pj has got to give it to the guy, he's not scared of Pj.

Pj takes his hand, and he forces himself to walk.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj spends the whole journey trying to ignore the gun aimed at him. He stares at walls.

They reach a door, Mark turns to face him.

'You're going to be filmed from now on.'

Pj's eyebrows raise.

'How do I look?' Pj asks.

Mark smiles.

'Honestly?'

Pj nods.

'Pretty severe.'

Pj nods again.

'Great, now what?'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj had been expecting the camera. He'd been expecting this to be a hallway.

He hadn't been expecting Dan.

Dan's eyes widen, his mouth forms a grin.

He runs to Pj. Pj outstretches his arms, not moving. They hug. Pj ends up smiling too.

'You scared?' Dan whispers into Pj's ear, aware of them being watched.

'Yes. You?' Pj murmurs.

'Not anymore.' Dan responds. He pulls away from the hug, he takes Pj's hand in his.

Pj frowns.

'Why are we together?'

'Similar situations.' A soldier Pj doesn't recognize answers. He has green hair, Mark stands next to him.

'The exact same situations.' Pj states.

'Different elements.' Dan reminds him.

'Oh yeah, 'bout that. Is teleportation a thing?' The other soldier asks. Mark laughs.

'You can't ask that Jack. We're on television.' Mark chuckles.

'Why not? The people wanna know!' Jack questions.

'Not as far as I know.' Dan answers.

Pj shrugs.

There's a moment of awkward silence. Dan ends up gripping Pj's hand.

'What will this be like?' Dan asks.

Mark and Jack exchange looks.

'We don't know.' Jack admits.

'You're the first ones.'

More quiet.

 _'Well isn't that super amazingly cool and reassuring.'_ Pj snarks. 

Dan laughs. 'I missed sarcastic Pj.'

Pj ends up grinning too. 'He's fun. I'm not going to lie.'

There's a beep, Pj doesn't know where it came from.

Jack nods.

'That's your cue, you need to go through that door now. Stay sharp out there.'

Mark smiles at Pj.

'Good luck.'

'Thank you.' Pj states.

'Never a problem.'

Dan squeezes his hand, as he pushes the door.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj doesn't know what he was expecting.

Bright lights, crowds?

It certainly wasn't just a panel of six people behind glass.

This must have been a interrogation room at some point, Pj thinks. This clearly wasn't meant to be a trial room. What use would the nation that was have had for a trial room?

A woman starts talking, Pj thinks he recognizes her voice.

She introduces him, using his full real name. Dan looks at him with mild shock, it hadn't occurred to him that Pj is initials.

A man introduces Dan.

'Daniel Howell. Recently triggered abnormal. From the desert sector. Fire user. Captured on the front-line.'

Another person begins to speak.

'A collective decision has been made for these two abnormals. The first verdict is that Mr Ligouri and Mr Howell are...'

Dan squeezes Pj's hand tight. He had been expecting more of a build up than this. His heart beats hard in his chest. His future in words.

'Free to go.'

Dan's mouth falls wide, he turns to Pj. Pj smiles back at him. Dan hugs him again.

'They're free to return to their families. They will be monitored closely, but these two are not a threat.

Dan chokes.

'My family?' He asks, he realizes something, without the abnormals, he has nothing.

The panel hadn't expected him to speak.

Pj swears in his head,

'You can come with me.' Pj puts his other hand on top of the one Dan is holding. 'You're not going back to them.'

Dan stares at Pj, then he grins.

'You want me?'

Pj laughs. 'Course I do, Spork.'

Dan giggles.

A member of the panel coughs and Pj and Dan shut up. Both of them feel lighter again, this gives them an opportunity to forget.

'They shall be escorted back to their families... Mr Liguori's family... In a few minutes, and returned to a regular life. End of broadcast.'

The panel stand and walk out.

Dan and Pj sit in silence for a moment.

'Did that actually just...' Pj asks.

Dan nods.

The door they entered from opens. It's Jack and Mark.

'I thought that would happen.' Mark announces. Dan and Pj stand up.

'You're some of the least difficult people I've ever had to watch. Makes sense you’re not being seen as guilty.' Jack adds.

Dan laughs, still processing it. He's kind of safe again. He gets to stay with Pj, make a new home maybe. He wants to roll on the floor in giggles, and cry for everything he's seen.

'Who's been the most difficult?' Pj murmurs.

Jack laughs.

'Your tutor. Chris Kendall.' Jack answer. Pj flinches. Dan feels a large pang. 'Won't stop kicking walls. We keep on having to knock him out so we don't get killed.'

Pj remembers why he doesn’t feel right. His heart beats in his loud chest again.

Dan huffs. 'Sounds like him.'

'That's not going to help him? Is it?' Pj inquires,.

Jack shakes his head.

'He knows it too.' Jack answers.

Pj takes the double meaning behind Jack's words. Chris thinks he's dead. He's trying to go out with a fight.

Pj looks at his hands, he gets an idea.

'We need to go guys-' Mark starts.

'-Wait!' Pj reaches for his wrist, he picks at his bracelet. It, for the first time, comes off. 'Give this to Chris!' He forces it in the direction of Jack.

Jack frowns.

'Why?'

'He'll know it's from me.' Pj smiles. 'Tell him. Say I said to stop. Tell him I said to stop being such a fucking arse and to save himself. Tell him I asked him to try and live.'

Jack laughs. 'Why would he listen to you?'

Dan laughs.

'He'll listen.' Dan reassures.

Jack and Mark exchange another look.

Jack looks back at Pj.

'Please. He doesn't have to be the martyr he thinks he has to be. I'll always believe in him, he knows that.' Pj begs.

Jack breaks.

'Alright then. I will. If you think it'll help.'

Pj smiles.

'Thank you.'

'Now can we get you guys on your way home?' Mark asks.

Dan and Pj look at each other.

It finally hits him.

He's going home. Pj's going back to his sister and his mum and his dad. He's going to see his friends and breath the air back in. He's going to see it all and walk through his house and Dan's going to be there too.

He can't wait.

Even if he does have to wait for Chris and Phil. He'd always wait for Chris though.

Maybe, Pj can hope again.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The people that seem to permanently be surrounding the television screens at the ration center, make space for the three of them.

Pj's name is announced. This is seen as a big moment, the first trialed abnormals.

People whisper around the three of them. The other spectators know who Pj is to Louis, Sophie, and Jamie, so they remain quiet.

Louis can still hear their voices.

'He has to be not guilty, he only left a month ago!'

'It's going to be guilty. they're one of them now.'

'The deaths...'

Soon, the talk trails away from the trial, and turns into gossiping about the abnormal scandal.

'I can't believe...' Sophie starts but doesn't finish.

Louis thinks there's five different ways she could have ended that sentence.

'That this is happening?' Jamie suggests.

'No.' She shakes her head. 'That his family isn't here to see it.'

Sophie's words dig into Louis's throat.

'They should be.' Jamie says.

Pj's family had chosen to work on the farm today, as they had the last few days. They'd thought they'd get more warning to Pj's trial than this.

Instead, the three of them heard the news orally. Sophie's friend, the baker, told them. Louis thinks her name is Ingrid, she's been checking the televisions as frequently as the three of them.

So they'd ran here, and they'd made it here in the nick of time.

The crowds hush when the door on the screen opens.

An abnormal Louis doesn't recognize walks into the hallway. His name is Daniel Howell, he was trained with Pj. Daniel was probably in the van with Pj when they saw him.

Daniel's guard speaks with him, it seems friendly

Louis's heartbeat is in his ears and throat. It pangs in his chest, so loud that Pj can probably hear it.

Thousands of thoughts run rabid in his head and he can't stop it.

Sophie sees, so she stops it for him. She reaches out, and interlinks their fingers.

A moment later, she does the same to Jamie's hand.

'No matter what happens, whether they get their second chance or not. We're together. Promise?'

Both of the boys nod. She looks at them both for an answer, it's times like this when she really sees what part Pj used to have in their group. He would have spoken.

'Give me my soppy answer.' Sophie instructs.

'Promise.' Jamie says.

'Always.' Louis whispers.

Sophie looks at them both in turn. She furrows her eyebrows and she stares at the television screen. She ignores the pleasant burn in the fingers that Louis is touching, she's slept next to him, this really isn't something to fuss over.

Then the other door opens and Sophie's heart stops.

He's there. He's alive.

Pj sees Daniel, and Daniel smiles. Daniel runs to him, Pj doesn't smile quite yet, but he opens his arms to hug Dan. They meet, and they whisper inaudible things to each other.

'They're friends then?' Someone nearby asks.

Sophie isn't watching that. She's watching Pj's face. How his smile doesn't look quite right, how his eyes shine differently.

Louis stares at every inch of Pj shown and tries not to cut off the circulation in Sophie's smaller gentler hands.

Jamie feels paralyzed, frozen to his spot.

Dan asks a question, and a guard answers him. The screen is silent, and so is the world.

_'Well isn't that super amazingly cool and reassuring.'_

The three of them laugh, and find they're not the only ones, at Pj's bitter sarcasm. It's so familiar, oh god they missed it so much.

'He looks terrified.' A familiar voice speaks behind them, Sophie turns. It's Ingrid. 'Sorry.' She offers. Sophie shakes her head, and offers her a smile.

Sophie turns back to Pj.

Something over there beeps. There's a sudden transition to the camera inside the 'court room'.

'Are they going in?' A lone voice speaks in silence. They're shushed.

This is the part that everyone's been waiting for.

Sophie starts to hyperventilate. Jamie can't breathe.

Louis looks at the two of them, then he looks up as Pj walks into the room.

Louis lets go of Sophie's hand. He steps behind Jamie and Sophie, and he pulls them both into his arms. Jamie doesn't resist, but he remains staring straight ahead, standing as tall as he can. Sophie tucks herself into Louis's chest, ready to bury her face if this gets too much, just like she does most nights now.

They listen.

And they make their breaths as quiet as possible.

'-Mr Liguori and Mr Howell are...'

The verdict.Sophie squeezes Jamie's hand and grips onto Louis's shirt. Louis pulls Sophie into his chest, and his grip tightens on Jamie's shoulder.

They hold their breath.

'Free to go.'

Exhalation. Whoops of joy from the crowd.

'Yes!' Ingrid cries out, jumping up.

Sophie steps away from Louis. She carries on looking at Pj's relief. Jamie turns to Louis. Both of them look at each other, breathe out, smile, and hug.

'He's coming home.' Sophie breathes, to herself mostly. She listens to the screen, it's hard, the crowd is talking among themselves.

'And he's bringing a guest too.' Louis comments.

Sophie turns around, Jamie and him have stopped hugging.

Sophie grins.

'He's coming home.'

The words taste sweet, it feels like a dream, like she's going to wake up next to Louis in a second and feel empty.

She pinches herself and only smiles wider at the pain.

'End of broadcast.'

The television screen switches over to the news updates again. Sophie gets one last view of Pj.

He's coming home.

Sophie turns and launches herself at Jamie, Jamie laughs with her, they embrace.

The break apart. Sophie jumps at Louis. Louis has to take a step backwards so that he doesn't fall over. He grins, taking her into his arms and lifting her off the ground.

That hair of hers moves with it, her laugh again, her hands.

Louis wants to kiss her.

She'd never want him, and Jamie's here. It'd be stupid, ridiculous.

He puts her down and carries on smiling.

He carries on smiling as he realizes Sophie's not going to sleep near him anymore. She's going to go back to being distant, and he's going to be expected to go back to viewing her as just a friend.

She's not just a friend anymore. She's Sophie and she's beautiful,

And Pj's coming home, and he's not going to be able to appreciate that anymore.

He's elated, he really is.

But he's sad, and he doesn't know how to stop that.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Sophie walks home between Louis and Jamie. No hand holding anymore.

She's already more distant than Louis ever thought.

He hates that he's craving her touch. He hates it.

He was raised so close to her, she's supposed to be his best friend. He's not supposed to want her.

But he does.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The walls of this cell must be thick. He can't even find the place the gas is coming from. There's no cameras though. That's the only thing that's allowed him to change his clothes. They'd moved him to a cell with a shower.

He'd laughed when it didn't have a curtain.

Do they really think that Chris couldn't kill himself if he wanted to?

There's a tap at his door.

Chris jumps to his feet, ready to fight, ready to pounce.

Chris is strong. He reminds himself of this.

Chris Kendall is strong.

'Please Chris.' A voice asks. He doesn't recognize it.

'Don't say my name. I don't belong to you.'

'I bring a message, and food, and a gift.' The same voice says.

Chris slams his open palm against the wall.

The vibrations shake the cell.

'I don't want them.' Chris retorts, snarling to himself.

There's a silence. Chris is about to say he won.

'They're from your pupil.'

Chris's offensive stance melts, he curls over.

'What?'

The voice obviously hadn't been expecting that much of a reaction.

'Pj. Pj Liguori.'

Chris's eyes widen. He begins to panic.

'Is he okay? Is he alright? What have you done to him!' The offensive posture comes back, he shouts the sentences.

'He's fine! He's just got his verdict. Him and Dan Howell, they've been freed. They're going home!'

Chris allows himself a second to absorb it, he smiles. Then he doesn't.

'Dan Howell can't go home-'

'He's going to Pj's.' The voice interrupts. 'I was there. I'm called Jack.'

Chris swallows and nods, he smiles a bit.

'I know someone called Jack.'

Another pause.

'Jack Howard?'

Chris shakes.

'Is he-'

'He's still on the run.'

Chris exhales. He nods once more.

'Good. What's my message?'

'Let me open the door, and not get hurt.' Jack orders.

Chris sits down on the bed.

'Okay.'

Jack opens the door sheepishly. His hair is green, Chris has had that colour before.

Jack puts a food tray on the side.

'Pj told me to tell you to stop resisting. Stop trying to fight to your grave. He asked you to try and live.' Jack repeats.

Chris has a tight lipped smile on his face.

'I thought so. He doesn't get that I'm dead, does he?' Chris inquires.

Jack stares at him, he considers lying, then doesn't.

'I think he thinks you've got more of a chance than you have.' Jack replies.

Chris chews at his nails.

'Bless him.' Chris states, looking into a blank wall.

Jack coughs.

'He told me to give you this.'

Chris looks up at him.

Jack removes Pj's leather bracelet from his pocket.

Chris's eyes widen and his heart stops.

Jack places it on the bed next to Chris.

'Good luck Chris.'

Jack takes a few large steps and leaves the cell, closing the door after him.

Chris stares at the bracelet.

The bracelet Pj arrived wearing. The bracelet that always hung on his wrist, always.

Chris picks it up, and he analyzes every tiny bit of damage and age on it.

He puts it on. Pj's wrists are actually bigger than Chris's, it's too big.

Chris holds his left arm out in front of him, with the bracelet on it.

And he feels tears on his cheeks. Tears that fill his eyes and spill over. Sobs rack his chest. He wants to find Pj. He wants to find home. He wants to find freedom.

He's never been scared of dying before, but he's scared of leaving Pj behind.

He curls up into a ball. He holds his wrist, Pj's bracelet. He tries to feel close to the person he loves, the person he's never going to see again.

Chris Kendall was strong, but it's now that he realizes that his strength doesn't just come from him.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

They're handed bags by Mark. Jack left to fulfill his other duties, he'd promised he'd do as Pj asked one final time before going.

Dan and Pj don't even get to look into their bags before they're pushed into a van.

The van pulls away.

Sunlight. Dan and Pj make eye contact.

Dan breathes the outside world in, it makes no sense, all the windows are closed. The sun is warm on his face. It feels so good to not be underground. It feels so good to be out of there. But Dan is scared for his friends.

Dan is overwhelmed completely. He went from having something, to nothing, to everything, to nothing, and now he could be moving back to any of those. The idea of going back to Pj's and living until he dies, is blissful. Dan has learnt that nothing is blissful anymore, you have to fight for happiness, and he may never stop fighting for that.

He wishes he had some matches with him. His fingers are practically stinging from how much he misses fire.

Pj carries on looking at Dan.

He blinks, mouth slightly open.

'We left them behind.' Pj says, having to keep his voice level.

Dan flicks his head to look at Pj.

He nods, and doesn't offer him a smile.

'We don't have a choice.' Dan reminds him.

Pj quickly nods, reminding himself of that.

'We can keep on tabs with their trials. We can listen out. We...We....'

'We'll do everything we can.' Dan answers.

Pj bursts out into tears.

He tries blurting out sentences to apologize. Dan tuts him, pulling him into his arms.

Dan does his best not to cry too.

Pj doesn't stop crying. Dan's never seen him cry. It's the messy kind. His face is red.

By all accounts, Pj should be happy.

They're heading to his home. Pj's going to see his family again.

Dan knows that it's more complex than that now.

Pj's never going to be able to forget. They all got too deep in. 

Pj fell in love with Chris.

And Dan thinks he fell in love with people for the first time. Real love, not just love forced by bloodlines.

And it's not going to be easy to let that go.

Dan prays that they don't have to.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj's mother cries when Sophie tells her son is coming home. She has a chance to repair any damage taking that pregnancy pack may have had.

That hasn't sunk in.

Pj's coming home.

Sophie's elated, and then she looks at Louis, and she's sky high.

Then she listens to Louis, and hears nothing except his breathing, and she knows something's wrong.

The world got loud again and Louis silenced himself. It's almost like losing him to get Pj back.

Then Sophie's slapped in the face with the realization, that she wouldn't do that. She'd pick Louis. It's horrible, but she would.

She isn't even sure if she feels too bad about it.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj stops crying.

He tries to keep himself level. He's starting to recognize little sites, familiar rivers and hills.

Dan stays near to him.

Pj looks at him. Dan's been through so much shit. His family life. The war.

Dan's like Pj. They're the same.

Pj plans on being Dan's family from now on. When Chris and Phil get back, they will be too.

If. If they get back.

Pj takes Dan's hand again.

'The ration center is only two hours away. We'll be able to do that.' Pj says, mostly for his own benefit. He's trying to stay level.

Dan nods.

'We can do that daily.'

'There's also the village which is only a half hour walk.'

Dan frowns.

'Is there a radio there?' Dan asks.

'Yes. There's also the people for the gossip.'

Dan laughs. Pj smiles with him.

Pj still feels sick. There's so much wrong right now. He's never felt this low before.

Dan swallows away his pain.

He squeezes Pj's hand tighter.

'We're going to be okay.' Dan states with determination. 'The worst of it has gone. We're going to get better. Alright?'

Pj nods.

'We're going to be okay.' He repeats.

Dan allows him another tight lipped smile.

'We're going to be okay again. We're going to learn to be okay. I think it's a process. We'll work on it together, because we've definitely got each other.'

'And we've got Chris and Phil.' Pj adds. He whispers. 'If they get out.'

Dan's face reverts to steel.

'They're good people-'

'-With a bad past.' Pj interjects. 'That means more to these people.'

Dan wants to argue. He wants to fight until he's blue in the face.

'I need them to get out.' Dan murmurs with conviction. He's biting his lip.

Pj smiles at him.

'Me too.'

There's a few seconds of pause as words sink in and feelings do too.

Pj feels a strange sensation of being full and empty. Hopeful and despairing. He's a massive conflict.

Dan doesn't know what he feels. If anything, it's damaged. He thinks it's what recently melded metal would feel like. He's been reshaped, but he's still fragile, he's still hot.

Dan thinks about fire for a few seconds.

'What's your home like?'

And for the first time since before the front-line, Pj genuinely smiles, with no forced motive. He smiles for himself.

And he talks about what home is.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

  
'We're getting closer.' Pj reminds himself.

'Good.'

'We're getting closer.' Pj repeats with more excitement in his voice. He's grinning despite himself. He feels guilty about how happy he feels to be going home.

He looks over at Dan, again.

'How far?' Dan asks.

'An hour.' Pj stares up into the barricade between them and whoever is driving them. 'Tops.' He adds.

Dan nods.

'You scared?'

Pj pauses. 'A little.'

Dan exhales. 'I think you know how I feel.'

'Tell me.' Pj intructs.

Dan talks.

He talks about his fear. His old family. Whether this will be his new one. He discusses what he did on the front-line, if he needs to talk about that, or repress it. He thinks out loud about how much has changed, how he has changed. He wants to talk about how scared he is for their friends, their abnormal ones, but he can't remind Pj of that.

Eventually, Dan falls into silence.

Pj smiles again, he feels similar.

He reaches out and takes Dan's hand again.

'We'll figure it out.'

Dan squeezes. 'Yes. We will.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj recognizes more now. The sites are becoming more personal.

If he closes his eyes, he can smell the farm and the kitchen of his house. He can hear laughter and squabbling and murmured tired warm conversation.

If he closes his eyes for too long, he can hear gunfire.

If he keeps them shut, he can hear Chris's voice.

He forces his eyes open, he locks his thoughts away, he represses it.

There's the road that they walk down to get to the ration center.

The village in the distance.

Dan doesn't look out on the paths. He looks at his friend.

'How close are we?'

Pj looks at him, his mouth hangs open.

'Minutes.'

Dan laughs.

Pj ends up laughing too, it's surprised and blocky to begin with, but it's laughter.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

They can't just wait around for Pj. Pj's father points it out, they're nearly in harvest and the sun is out. They need to work.

They've been out in the fields for nearly an hour.

Sophie's been trying not to laugh at the way Jamie hums to himself whilst he works. Every time he changes tune, she looks up and catches Louis's eyes and they smile at each other.

Jamie stops humming.

'I'm practically running on tiredness right now.' Jamie states.

Sophie nods. 'Fatigue and tea.'

Louis laughs.

'I'm not even that tired.' Louis murmurs.

Sophie glares at him. 'You're wrong.'

'I had a pretty good sleep last night.' Louis shrugs.

'I know. But I'm still tired, why aren't-'

'How do you know?' Jamie asks with a smile.  
  
Sophie panics for a moment. 'He told me! This morning, before you were there.'

Jamie frowns at her, before shrugging, and returning to his work.

Sophie look back at Louis with wide eyes. She catches him off guard. His face carries no expression, his eyebrows are furrowed. He looks sad.

Then he notices Sophie is looking, and he smiles at her. All Sophie can see is how forced it looks compared to before.

Louis carries on leaning down to work.

Sophie stares at him for just that second longer, before returning to her own work.

They wait for Pj.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

  
Pj's heart skips a beat. He slams his palm into Dan's, squeezing as hard as he can.

'Dan. It's there. That's it.'

'Where?'

Pj points, reminding Dan of a small child.

'There! The load of buildings! With the four fields! And-'

'The top left one has people in.' Dan states.

Pj squints. Pj puts a hand over his mouth, which he proceeds to speak through.

'That's them.' He doesn't shout this.

Dan grins at him.

Pj smiles without any restraint, he's so close to home. Everything's okay, for now.

He reaches out and pulls Dan into a tight embrace.

'I love you.' Pj tells him, without thinking.

Dan's eyes fly wide, he wants to push Pj away.

'What?'

Pj pulls away.

'I love you. You've been a really great friend to me and you're a great person.' Pj continues to tell him.

'But you're in love with Chris...'

Pj's eyebrows fly upwards. 'There's more than one kind of love Dan.' He reminds him, temporarily distracted from the well of excitement and dread swelling in him.

'I know. We just never said it before.' Dan continues to frown.

Pj laughs. 'Why?'

Dan stutters, he grimaces. 'I don't know. It's never been a big...thing. It was just assumed.'

Pj shrugs. 'Get used to it.'

The van turns into the road that leads to the farm.

Pj doesn't have the words to describe how he feels.

The world is quiet and loud. All he's waiting for is to hear his sister again.

The gravel under the tires makes a peculiar noise. Pj is used to it now.

Odd to think that six months ago, he'd never even been in a car.

Odd to think that six months ago, he'd never even said Chris's name.

Now, even this close to being home, he still wants him near.

'I love you too.'

Pj turns to look at Dan.

He smiles, Dan exhales before smiling back.

'Don't be scared Spork. We're all super weird here, you'll fit right in. '

Dan nods with determination.

'I'm not scared anymore.' Dan states.

Pj wishes he could say the same thing.

Pj's heart beat speeds up as the van slows down. The barricade flies up. Pj's breathing is hard, Dan tries to conceal his.

Mark smiles back at them.

'I believe this is your stop.' Mark says.

Pj nods, Dan watches Pj.

'Thank you-'

'No, thank you. You've given me a happy story to look back on.'

Mark unlocks the doors.

'Thank you anyway.' Pj says.

Pj opens the door, he jumps out, Dan follows him. They grab their bags, they still haven't gotten around to looking at the contents. Mark said it was clothes.

Pj wants to run down the remainder of the road. He wants to sprint until he's home and he's got either Sophie or his sister or Jamie or Louis in his arms.

The door shuts. Pj and Dan both turn to the van.

Mark salutes them from behind windscreen glass.

Automatically, they salute back.

Nobody is watching them anymore.

Dan and Pj look at each other for a long moment.

They're really free. The government is a long way away. They haven't got that lingering threat anymore. Dan's not got to go home to the family that betrayed him. They don't have to hide anything anymore.

Pj could be happy, but he isn't. Chris isn't free too. Phil is trapped. Their friends are missing, presumed dead.

The person Pj shot will never be free, maybe Pj doesn't deserve happiness anymore.

'All of it...' Dan starts. Pj stares at him. '...Should we just pretend it didn't happen? Ignore it? For a while...'

Pj tells him the honest truth.

'I don't know anymore...'

Dan sighs again. He reaches out, he puts a hand on Pj's shoulder.

'Should we find out?'

Pj breathes in once more, and the air is light, the air is familiar, and the air is reassuring.

The green is just the right shade here. A bit more yellow than it used to be before the war, but still beautiful and alive.

He can see those red brick buildings and distant purple flowers.

He can imagine a young Chris running among them, and his stomach twists.

'Yes. We should.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Each step pounds into Pj's soul. The closer and closer he gets, the further he feels. The guiltier he becomes.

His parents don't know what he's done. What if stuff changes when they find out?

Pj's abnormal, will he ever be free?

Suddenly, it's right in front of them. The house that Pj's family live in, with a small fence around it, a gate. Memories of good times.

Pj had been planting and growing flowers for his mum when the soldiers arrived.

'Is this it?' Dan asks.

Pj laughs.

Dan rolls his eyes. 'Not like that.'

'This is it.' Pj answers.

A pause.

'This is home?' Dan inquires.

Another pause.

'It used to be.' Pj replies.

Dan grimaces.

'Will it be again?'

Pj smiles.

'We'll find out, won't we Sporky?' Pj jokes. There's a beat before Dan laughs.

Pj knows where the people he loves are; The nearest field. It should be in pre-harvest right now.

Around the corner. Just around the corner.

'You ready?' Dan questions.

'Nope.'

Pj walks forwards again. Dan is left giggling behind him.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj looks over the field. Good crop this year, it's grown well.

The whole place is odd in the way it's the same. Nothing's really changed. But Pj has.

'Peej!'

His nickname catches him off guard.

Pj looks to his left.

His sister.

He drops his bag off his shoulder, it falls onto dirt. Dan waits a few seconds before picking it up and slinging it over his own shoulder.

She runs to him. He gathers her into his arms, both of them fall to the ground.

'Hey big sis.' Pj greets. He doesn't cry, she does.

Pj doesn't feel right. He'd thought that'd go away, but it hasn't.

He kisses her forehead before pulling away. He sees the scar on her face for the first time.

'Oh.'

He reaches out and puts a hand on her face. Her eyes widen in panic. She pushes him away.

He already got rid of the scar.

'Good as new.' Pj says, nodding at her afterwards.

She swallows.

'Did you just heal me? Again?' She asks.

Pj smiles. 'They got me trained up in healing. I could heal a moose now.'

She frowns again. 'A moose?' She demands.

Pj laughs. 'I'm joking.'

'How am I supposed to know that?'

The words rock Pj. He wasn't too stable to begin with.

'I... I'm sorry-'

She hugs him again, and speaks against his shoulder.

'Don't be.'

'Don't be?'

A pause.

'Don't be.'

She holds him tight again, and he can feel her tears again.

She feels like she's mending. Pj's getting reminded of just how broken he might be.

Pj turns his head and smiles at Dan. Dan gives him a small one back.

Pj's sister finally pulls away.

She scrambles to her feet.

'You're okay.' She says with awe. Pj smiles instead of answering.

She properly looks him over for the first time.

'Did you get bigger?' She asks.

Pj laughs. 'If anything, I've gained muscle.'

Dan chuckles behind them.

'How hard did they work you?' She questions, a smile on her face. Dan notices that her eyes are the same colour as Pj's.

'Pretty hard.' Pj brushes off.

Dan laughs. 'Especially C-'

'-Don't you fucking dare.'

Dan laughs even harder.

Eva looks between the both of them.

'You're a lot more together than I thought you'd be.' She says with a smile.

Dan and Pj exchange a look.

She grins, not realizing how much of a nerve she just struck.

She turns, running down into the field.

'Peej is here! Pj's home!'

Dan whispers to Pj.

'I guess it's not her fault. She doesn't know...' Dan starts.

'She's scared.' Pj replies. 'I can forgive her for that.'

Dan smiles.

'We both know what Chris would say to that.'

Pj laughs, before imitating him.

_'You can't be scared. Being scared is stupid. Stupid gets you killed.'_

_'I'm a hypocrite.'_ Dan adds.

Pj finds it easier to laugh than cry.

'I miss him so fucking much.'

'He kept us alive.' Dan says. 'The stuff he said, it worked.'

'It was mostly for show. You know that right?'

Dan nods. 'I guessed. Come on, people are waiting for you.'

Pj pulls him in for a hug before walking shoulder to shoulder with him.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The reuniting of Pj and his parents caused an ache in Dan's heart. Knowing that parents are supposed to hold you that tightly, supposed to not want to let you go, might drive him insane.

Dan's not going to let it hurt him.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Jamie's face upon seeing Pj is something Sophie is never going to forget.

She'd seen him once already. She knows that he's bigger, he's stronger, she knows that he's built more like a soldier and less like a farm boy.

Jamie didn't know. This change was a surprise.

It registered on his face. There was surprise, before happiness.

'Pj!'

Pj had turned to look at Jamie.

He looks wrong. Sophie can see that easily. He looks like there's a weight on his shoulders. Pj's friend, Dan, stands behind him. If Sophie squints, she can see him carrying that weight too.

Pj walks to Jamie. Dan could laugh, everyone else has had to go to him.

Dan thinks that these people must be the three friends that Pj has mentioned, never in detail. 

Jamie and Pj meet. They hug.

'Congratulations on not being dead.' Jamie jokes.

Pj laughs. 'I came close. I would be if it wasn't for a few people.'

'Or his ability.' Dan adds.

Pj chuckles at that too.

'That's a little too true.'

He pulls away from the hug.

Sophie smiles at him. Pj smiles back.

'Miss me?' Pj asks.

'Not really.' Sophie jokes.

Sophie runs to him, and embraces him. Pj kisses the top of her head.

Louis's nostrils flare. That's his job.

Sophie grins up at him again.

'I'm glad you're okay, you stupid motherfucker.' Sophie snarks.

'Of course I'm okay, I had to come back and annoy you. Didn't I?'

'You always have to. Promise?'

Pj flinches.

_Stay away from promises._

'Okay.' Pj answers, unhappy with it. Sophie doesn't notice that he didn't agree.

Pj turns to Louis, and Louis is a million miles away. Vacant in his own body.

'Lou?' Pj asks.

Louis wakes up, he faces Pj. He forces a smile.

It's not Pj's fault that Louis feels like this, he tries to remember that.

Pj walks to him. Louis takes a few steps before hugging him too. Pj's warm. The clothes he is wearing are softer than the ones everyone makes for themselves, or the fancy ones you can buy in the village.

It feels weird to have Pj in his arms. He's happy, and sad. Louis could laugh at how typical that is.

'Welcome home.' Louis murmurs.

'Thanks.' Pj smiles. He can always trust Louis to be genuine.

They break apart.

The five of them stand close, in silence. The tension is high, it tastes bitter. None of them know what to do.

Louis bites his tongue and tries to be nice.

'You're Daniel right?' Louis asks. Turning his attention to the stranger.

'It's Dan.' Dan corrects, he tries to smile. 'You're Louis, right?'

Louis nods. 'Right.

Dan grins.

'You probably know more about me than I know about you.' Dan points out.

Sophie joins in.

'We know that you trained with Pj.' Sophie replies.

Dan and Pj make eye contact again.

'We were put into the same group.' Pj tells them.

'It's a long story.' Dan completes.

'We've got time.' Jamie says.

Pj and Dan exchange another look. They each frown.

'I guess. I guess we do.'

'We've got time.' Dan repeats.

'No more front-line.' Pj says. He's turned to Dan. They face each other.

'Just verdicts.' Dan responds.

'And captures.' Pj adds.

'They won't get caught. They're not stupid.' Dan defends them.

Pj huffs. 'You have too much faith Dan.'

Dan raises his eyebrows at him. 'You lost yours.'

They keep eye contact for a few more seconds, before they smile at each other.

Louis, Sophie, and Jamie, remain confused.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

They get sent to Pj's old family home. All of them sit in one room, it's loud. It's the loudest the farm has been since Pj got taken.

Louis likes Dan, he's funny, pleasant, kind, and he seems to understand Pj.

Sophie thinks that something might be going on with the two of them, but she's aware she might be wrong.

Jamie's happy to try and get back to some normality. He doesn't like the go-to state being sadness.

Their parents mingle near by, talking about current affairs, listening into their conversation at points.

Pj's mother sits closest to them, occasionally, she runs a hand through Pj's hair. The gesture reminds Pj of Chris too much, he asks her to stop.

'So what was it like?' Sophie asks, morbidly curious. Louis is sat too near to her, she aims to distract herself.

'The whole thing?' Pj demands. Their parents are silent again, listening in, it's like being back under government eyes. 'Too much happened for that to be an easy answer.'

'Like what?' Jamie questions. Louis silences himself again. Dan and Pj lock eyes.

'I don't want to talk about it.' Pj finally answers.

He doesn't know where he'd begin. Training? Murder? Scandal? Love? Chris? Should he talk about Chris?

Dan shoots him a look of sympathy, Pj hates it.

Sophie and Louis end up exchanging a look.

'That's okay.' Jamie finally says.

'I know it is.' Pj snarls.

'Pj... He wouldn't want you to do this...' Dan says.

Pj rolls his eyes.

'I'm not doing anything because of him.' Pj retorts.

Dan raises an eyebrow at him.

'Don't lie to me.' Dan whispers.

'I'm not.' Pj says. He smiles after.

'I don't need to be Phil to know that wasn't true...' Dan states.

The rest of the room must be watching them. Pj doesn't care, let them watch.

'There's more than one reason that we're not okay. He's not everything to-'

'-I know he isn't. I'm saying he'd still not want you to do this. He always wanted the best for you.'

'Chris should have had the best for him!' Pj interjects. 

A silence. Louis and Sophie keep eye contact, sharing confusion.

'I think what he had, was best for him.' Dan answers.

Pj laughs. 'He's not dead.'

Dan ends up smiling too. 'Even more of a reason not to be, how would he put it-'

'-A moody dickhead?' Pj rolls his eyes. Sophie can see the affection beneath it.

Dan chuckles. 'That's the one.'

'What are you talking about?' Sophie finally asks.

Dan and Pj end up laughing together.

Pj nods before he answers. 'A friend-' Pj smiles. '-Our super mad teacher, but still a good friend.'

'He's not been given his verdict yet.' Dan explains. 'Neither has our other friend, also one of our teachers. We all got caught together.'

'Caught?' Jamie inquires.

Pj sighs. He accepts it. He looks at Dan.

'Front-line. We were all huddled up in this bunker. Our-our...' Pj grimaces over the words, he finds himself back in those old shoes. Chris having just seemingly died, Pj's heart ripped out.

'Our first friend didn't make it to the bunker. We were all sat there, and we listened to the soldiers march past.' Dan tells. 'It was, bizarre. Completely bizarre.'

'The next morning it was quiet. We didn't know what to do.' Pj exhales.

'We got out of the bunker.'

Pj remembers the confusion he felt at this part of the proceedings.

'Then we saw him.'

'We thought he was dead.' Dan adds. Pj smiles with affection in his mind at Chris's resilience. 'So we ran to him, us and our other friend.' Dan explains further.

'And then the soldiers tasered us, and threw us in a van, and took us back to the city.' Pj takes over. 'He actually freed all of the abnormals that were already caught, that were in that fucking van.'

'They're still at the city now.' Dan finishes.

Pj finally looks up at his family. Some of them look conflicted, some enthralled, some disgusted, Sophie's mother looks scared.

'What is your friend called again?' Jamie asks.

Pj smiles. Sophie's seen that smile before, it means something.

'Chris. Chris Kendall.'

There's a sharp intake of breath.

Pj turns and looks at the source.

His mother.

'Did you just say Chris Kendall?' She asks.

Pj frowns, exchanging a look with Dan.

'Yes. Why?' Pj demands.

Pj's mother looks at his father. The other parents look among themselves.

'It couldn't be...' Sophie's father says.

'He's been gone for twenty years. There's no way he's still alive.' Sophie's mother says with determination.

Pj's eyes widen.

'Mum, what's going on?'

'This is when it turns out he's your long lost brother or something.' Dan jokes.

Pj turns to him, feeling sick. 'Dan!' He scolds.

Dan grimaces. 'Sorry, socially awkward.'

'Mum? Dad?' Pj asks.

His mother and father exchange a look.

'We need to talk...'  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj hates it when things are convenient. That's normally when things are most wrong.

It's so obvious as she tells him, like it should have been seen before.

The neighbors. The weird ones, with the adults he barely sees. Their daughter called Emily. He's met others with that last name as Chris. so it never clicked. Their daughter who's rebellious and funny...

Oh god, she's even like him.

The dead son.

It makes Pj laugh thinking about it.

They never said dead, they said lost. The lost son.

He's never talked to them. Pj's never had to.

Kendall. Their last name is Kendall.

Of course it's Kendall.

'He was taking when he was young... We'd assumed he was dead.' Pj mother comforts.

'You knew.' Pj frowns.

'What?'

'You knew just how fucked up it all was, and you said nothing.' Pj fights.

'How could I?'

Pj opens his mouth to speak. There's no argument.

How can one person do the job of an army?

'He was six.' Pj defends the lost boy. The lost boy is still lost.

The lost boy was Chris. How can the lost boy have been Chris?

Pj's glad his mother took him out of the room before she told him.

Pj's glad his mother looks sad, because he'd find it too easy to hate her otherwise.

'What could I do? I had your sister... I had you... You used to be friends-'

Pj feels sick.

'-I don't want to hear this.'

Pj walks back to the room.

'Son, I-'

'-I can't.' Pj chokes.

It sinks in. Everything sinks in.

He's home. His family are different. Dan is here.

Pj killed someone. An insignificant someone to him, a friend to another.

Chris isn't here. Neither is Phil. The other friends he made are missing. All of them could be sentenced to death, there's fuck all he can do.

He puts his hand on the door frame.

He cries again. He hates himself for it, among other things. He sobs.

He feels his mother wrap her arms around him, rocking him gently.

She whispers into his ears and she kisses his forehead.

Pj remembers when his mother's kisses made him feel better.

They don't anymore.  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

It's late. Pj stops crying, again.

He goes into the room full of his family, all eyes are on him.

He catches Dan's eye. Dan offers him a small smile, he takes it.

'Are you as tired as I am?' Pj asks.

Dan rolls his eyes before nodding. Pj laughs.  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Dan ends up having to share a room with Pj for the first night. There is a spare room, but it's not made up.

Pj's room is exactly as he left it. He feels like he's changed so much without its organized chaos to come back to.

Dan tries to sleep on the floor, Pj pulls him onto the bed.

Dan laughs.

'Okay, but if you start humping me than I'll-'

'-Be flattered?' Pj suggests.

Dan cackles laughing.

'Oh my god, shut up.'

Pj grins, despite Chris and change and everything.

'Never.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The night has never felt this lonely to Louis before.

Sophie has never felt this cold.

But without an excuse, they both have to stay in their own beds, and wait for the sun to rise. They each wonder if this sick feeling they have is caused by missing the other, or knowing that they do.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
Dan starts screaming halfway through the night.

Pj holds him as he wakes up. He holds him whilst he tries not to cry.

'It's okay Dan, let it out. I'm never going to think worse of you for it.'

Dan shakes his head.

'I-I-I don't want to let myself down.'

Pj could laugh.

'Wait a minute, what?'

'Before all of this, that's what I would have done. I would have cried. Then-Then... Then when I got triggered, I would have started a fire instead.'

Pj puts his head back down onto the bed.

'A fire instead of crying?'

'I get inappropriately excited by fire.'

Pj chuckles.

'Are you going to fuck the fire Dan?'

Dan laughs, it's not even as weak as Pj thought it'd be.

'It's not exactly like it'd burn me.'

Pj rolls his eyes.

'Don't fuck a flame, imagine me explaining that to my parents.'

Dan leaves it a second.

'I think after they didn't tell you about Chris, I should fuck a fire. '

Pj frowns. He continues to feel sick whenever Chris is brought up.

'I can see why they didn't say...' Pj says.

'Me too.' Dan admits.

Pj carries on hugging Dan.

'You don't need to take care of me you know?' Dan laughs.

'I want to take care of you.' Pj insists.

'Okay.' Dan finishes.

'You going to sleep again?' Pj asks.

Dan nods, and Pj falls back into silence.

Eventually, Dan's breaths even out.

Pj's left to think.

There's so much to think about.  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj ends up dreaming of Chris again.

Unlike Dan, Pj doesn't scream. He cries.

He only realizes what he was doing when he wakes up with tears on his cheeks and images of Chris in the position of the soldier he shot in his head.  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Dan and Pj wake up before the farm is awake.

Pj goes through both of their bags. It is just clothes, not even his old ones from home. Pj had been hoping for some sort of secret message. Pj ends up wearing his old clothes anyway, he doesn't want to draw attention. He lends some to Dan.

'We need to get used to things being normal again, don't we?'

Dan smiles. 'We're abnormal. Things aren't ever going to be normal.'

Pj raises an eyebrow at Dan.

'Is that a bad thing?'

Dan shrugs.

'I've met some pretty good abnormals.' Dan swallows. 'So no. It's not a bad thing.'

Pj smiles.

'Good.'

Pj walks out of his room, a few moments later, he comes back in. He throws some more fabric at Dan.

'Let's go.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj nearly cries laughing when Dan is too tall for the cloak.

All he needs is the hood, so Pj makes him keep it on.

They sneak out.  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Your televisions are a lot further away than ours.' Dan complains halfway through the walk.

'Aren't the mountains bigger?'

'Fuck knows. Who'd tell us?'

Pj laughs.

Dan's making something bad better, and he's always going to be thankful for that. Pj hopes he can do the same for him.  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Sophie realizes that Pj and Dan are gone.

She panics for a split second, before remembering their promise to check on their friends.

She shuts Pj's door and doesn't tell anyone about their absence.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj and Dan reach the screens after an hour of walking. Pj's legs don't hurt like they used to by this stage.

He guesses that training paid off.

There's still a large gossiping crowd. Pj prays that they don't get recognized.

'It's those two younger abnormals today.'

'Which ones?'

'The ones they caught a few months ago!'

Pj and Dan frown, nobody they know then.

'They're friends too!'

'Together?'

'Together? They can't be together! They're abnormals!'

'The trial of Dorothy Clark and Evan Edinger will begin shortly.'

Pj and Dan exchange another look.

'Is that...'

The screen shows them walking into that hallway. She's shorter than him. They run to each other within seconds, a large embrace.

'They keep doing that.'

'Wow, it's like they can make friends.' Someone in the crowd snarks. Pj and Dan have to resist the urge to laugh.

They get signaled to go into the improvised trial room.

The voice on the television begins to introduce them.

'Dorothy Clark. Abnormal of eight years. From the lake sector. Water user. Captured in mission.'

'In mission?' Dan whispers.

'Evan Edinger. Abnormal of seven years. From the farmland sector. Water user. Captured in mission.'

Dorothy states that it's 'Dodie' but they ignore her.

'Dodie...' Pj says. It's half clicked, but he's too scattered for it to click.

'Chris's mission. The one he felt guilty about...' Dan connects the dots. 'They were captured. Not killed.'

Pj could laugh, but Chris might not ever find out that the people he left behind lived.

Pj isn't sure if he wants to know their verdict.

When the time comes, Evan pulls Dodie into his arms. He whispers to her. She doesn't get to whisper back.

'Free to go.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

More abnormals get dragged out for trailing throughout the day. Pj's aware he should probably go home. But he can't risk missing them.

More abnormals are let go, freed.

Their names are Hazel, Tanya, Bry, Jim, and Bertie.

Two are being kept at the city, and watched, but are otherwise, free.

Their names are Ben, and Ciaran. Pj doesn't recognize the later, but he's heard of Ben.

Nobody has been killed yet.

No more trials, they announce that. Pj grabs Dan's hand.

They head back to the farm.

On the way past the village. Pj hears a radio, and for the first time in his memory, it's playing music.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

It's dark now. The sky is full of stars. Real constellations. The moon is full and lingering.  
Pj knows Chris can't see it too.

If Pj closes his eyes, he can imagine that Chris can see it. He can imagine his smile, hear his voice, and feel his hands.

And for now, that makes this hole in his chest a little smaller.  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Pj Liguori. You-'

Pj closes the door after Dan.

'I'm sorry Mum. I'll do my work tomorrow.'

Pj's mother glares at him.

'I don't care about that. I was scared. You didn't tell anyone...'

She trails off after Pj laughs. Eva, Pj's sister, stares from the corner of the room. Dan flinches at the bitter sound of it.

'Mum, all due respect, I'm a trained killer. You really... do _not_ have to worry about me.' 

Her mouth falls slightly open. Her eyes wide and hurt. Her eyes are the same colour as Pj's eyes.

'Baby, I still worry-'

'-I'm not a baby.'

She grimaces. 'You're still my baby.'

Pj laughs again, it's sour. 'Your baby killed someone.'

Pj's mothers eyes fly wider. She takes a quick deep breath.

Dan reaches out and takes Pj's hand.

'That's enough.' Dan tells him. 'You're not being fair.'

Pj turns to roll his eyes at Dan, but doesn't when he catches his eye.

He's lashing out.

He turns back to his mother.

'I'm sorry-'

She jumps and wraps her arms around him.

'-I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry. This is all my fault. I took that injection, this is my fault...'

Pj hadn't even thought about it like that.

She doesn't cry, but she's close to it.

Pj frowns before he hugs her back.

'You didn't know.'

'I should have. A mother is supposed to know, she's supposed to protect her children. I failed you.'

Pj closes his eyes, and tucks his face into her neck.

'I think we both have things to be sorry for.'

Pj closes his eyes and hugs his mother.

Dan pales watching. That was the way it should have been, no distance and disappointment, just love.

He jumps when someone touches his arm. Eva, Pj's sister.

'Relax. You looks like you need a hug too.'

'I-What?'

She smiles before reaching up and lightly embracing him.

Dan starts crying.

Eva frowns up at him.

Pj breaks away from his mother.

'Come here Spork.'

Dan laughs through tears at the nickname.

He goes to Pj's open arms.

Dan shakes his head at himself.

'You're so brave Dan.' Pj tells him. His two relatives look on with morbid curiosity, both of them feeling ill. 'So brave.'

'No I'm-'

'The person I met, at the very beginning, the one that was terrified, they were already brave. And then you put all your physical energy, and mind energy, and energy energy into yourself. And you're brave, and you're good. You shouldn't hate yourself. _You're still alive.'_  

The words are scattered but to Dan, they mean everything.

He pulls away from Pj. 'Thank you.' His voice is hoarse.

Pj's mother reaches up to put a hand on Dan's shoulder, making the effort to comfort him.

'There's dinner in the other room. Does food sound good?'

'Food always sounds good.' Dan jokes.

Pj's mother smiles.

'There's my Spork.' Pj says, shaking his head slightly.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

There's a candle on the table. Dan plays with the flame absentmindedly. Pj's mother, initially scared, soon becomes mesmerized by the patterns Dan's creating.  
She looks between her son and his friend and wishes she could take away their pain.

She's convicted to help.  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Dan has his own room now.

He still ends up crawling into Pj's bed after nightmares.

Pj's father brings them each a glass of milk, woken up by Dan screaming again. Dan grimaces the second he sees him, his nightmares had felt like a secret, they clearly are not anymore.

The milk is a comfort. Dan appreciates the thought, despite his embarrassment.

Halfway through the drink, Pj realizes where the milk came from.

This milk always comes from their neighboring farm. Pj doesn't even know the name of it.

He carries on drinking. He guesses that somebody had to tell them about Chris. Their son.

The milk doesn't taste as sweet anymore.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Louis dreams of Sophie. He wakes up panting in bed halfway through the night. He's covered in sweat, and the idea of her.

Guilt sits in his stomach.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The next day is sunny. Sophie doesn't bother knocking the door of the Liguori household. She's been wide awake all night, trying to sort through her mind and feelings.

She walks in, she sits in the kitchen.

Pj walks in a few minutes later. She waves at him. He waves back.

He sits down next to her.

'Leaving?' Sophie asks.

'Soon.' Pj answers.

'Can I come with you?'

Pj rolls his eyes.

'Someone needs to work around here.'

Sophie shrugs.

'Who says it has to be us?'

Pj grins.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Sophie joins them on their journey to the ration center.

Dan finds himself laughing at her constantly. Her words erasing the ache in him over everything he's done and lost.

When the walk past the village, they pass Ingrid.

Pj spins her when they hug.

'I didn't know you were already home.' Ingrid looks slightly nervous.

Pj frowns. 'Came home two days ago.'

She smiles. 'Good.'

There was some small chat until they had to leave.

They reach the screens. Just repeated news reports. There's a smaller crowd.

'What happened?'

Sophie shrugs. 'Excitement's over. People have to work.'

The news tells them about the abnormals being trialed, the verdicts, Dan's name is said and he laughs. It goes on to talk about the mixing of governments, the initiation of voting systems.

Pj phases out in the end. He stops paying attention.

He looks at the door into the ration center. The lights are on, they're still handing out rations.

Pj tells Dan he'll be a moment.

He pushes the door, he goes inside.

He doesn't make eye contact with anyone. He knows where he's going, for once.

He follows the footsteps of his younger self.

Another door, he pushes it.

He's back in that room. The bathroom. The room he'd thought about when he arrived at his abnormal bedroom.

He goes to that mirror.

He looks at himself.

His younger self had been scared at the sight of a boy in the mirror.

Pj is terrified by the sight of a man.

But now, his face is familiar.

His face is tired, and weary. He's well washed, but still doesn't feel clean.

He wonders why he did this.

He wonders why Chris would even consider loving him.

He wonders how he managed to live.

He wonders if there is a god.

He laughs, as he wonders if he would ever pray to them again.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj walks out of the building slowly.

Dan and Sophie smile at him.

He forces himself to smile back.

He feels more than a little bit more broken than he used to be.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Two people Dan and Pj recognize are trialed.

Charlie with a total of only six kills, is set free.

Olga is given restrained freedom, she has to stay in the city.

Three people Dan and Pj don't recognize are trialed. This is the third.

The crowd goes silent as, for the first time, an abnormal is not freed.

Pj doesn't even remember their name, he'd been too busy thinking. The word 'Guilty' had woken him up.

The abnormal says nothing.

'You'll be sentenced to death. We believe that you carry too much of a risk to be allowed back into society.'

Suddenly, the abnormal becomes a ball of flame.

The panel carry on talking.

'You'll be taken to the sea, and drowned. May your soul be cleansed, and allowed to start again. Broadcast over.'

The screen announces the end of the days trials.

Sophie turns to Pj with wide eyes.

'Did you know...'

Pj shakes his head. He walks away.

After a beat, Dan and Sophie follow him.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

They're passing the village.

'Psst...'

Pj frowns, he turns around. Sophie and Dan do the same.

'Come here.'

Ingrid is calling them over. Pj does as she instructs.

'What's wrong?' Sophie asks.

'You need to follow me.' Ingrid instructs.

She runs away. Pj doesn't even think before he runs after her. He catches up easily, Dan pulls Sophie along with him.

Running feels good, this is Pj's element. He's sad when they stop.

They're outside of the village bakery, Ingrid's home, passed down to her by family.

'She wants to see you.' Ingrid smiles.

Pj frowns, as he watches Ingrid go into the bakery, her bakery. He follows.

There's no lights in this part of the building. The walls are stone.

Dan has to duck to not hit his head.

Ingrid pushes past a door.

Pj's eyes fly wide.

'Heya Pj.'

'Hannah?'

Dan pokes his head over Pj's shoulder and Sophie ducks her head underneath his arm.

'Hannah!' Dan exclaims with a smile.

'Hannah?' Sophie asks, frowning. She'd only came out today to get away from Louis, now what the fuck's happening.

Hannah Hart smiles.

'Yes. Hello! And yes.'

Ingrid giggles.

Pj frowns, he finally moves out of the door frame so the others can also come into the bakery.

'But how...' Pj starts. He looks between Hannah and Ingrid.

Ingrid smiles at him nervously. 'It's a long story.'

'We have a long time.' Sophie responds.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj swears his life is getting stranger and stranger.

He hates it with a burning passion. He misses a form of simplicity, when he only ever felt one thing at a time.

The story isn't as long as they made it sound.

Stories seem longer when you live them.

Hannah got lost in the dust. She'd walked, and she'd walked. It must have seemed like days. She'd ended up in the mountains.

She was dehydrated, covered in dust, and alone.

Ingrid found her.

'I couldn't just leave her.'

Hannah smiles.

'All I remember was seeing your red cloak, and thinking that you were Red Riding Hood, from the myths.'

Ingrid blushes.

'I brought her back here. I managed to keep her secret.'

'She nursed me back to health.' Hannah jokes.

'And then I was trying to find out the news for her...' Ingrid adds.

'I've been helping out around here.' Hannah gestures to the bakery.

'You can bake?' Dan asks.

Hannah snorts. 'I can now.'

'Try new things!' Ingrid exclaims.

'Try new things!' Hannah repeats.

'So, when you found out we were coming back...' Pj prompts.

'I told Hannah.'

'And of course, I wanted to see you. We lost you guys, I wanted to check on you both.'

Pj chuckles. 'They lost you as well.'

'Only because the dust got worse.' Hannah reminds him. 'And I got separated from them.'

She leans forwards, until she's facing him directly. She puts a hand on his knee.

'How's things?' She asks.

Pj raises his eyebrows at her.

'My healing's gotten better.' He answers.

Hannah shakes her head.

'That's not what I asked.'

Pj looks into her eyes for a moment. Blue eyes.

'Not too great.' Pj whispers.

She nods, then she leans back. Pj curls over in his chair.

She turns to Dan.

'Daniel, how's things?'

Dan allows her a sideways smile.

'My name is Dan. It's alright. I mean, it's all temperamental. I've got a home, kind of. I have a safe place, I'm safe. I've got Pj-' He looks at Sophie. '-Pj's family don't seem to hate me.' He exhales.

'But?' Hannah prompts.

'But I-I-I've seen things. And I'm getting nightmares again, I haven't got those pills anymore, they were the only thing that got me through the night.' Hannah's eyes widen. 'And Phil and Chris aren't safe.' Dan chokes. 'If they killed that person today, will they kill Phil and Chris? It's not exactly like they have the best past, even though that shouldn't define them.'

A beat.

'Anything else?'

'I feel like I've let them down. I'm not brave like Chris and Phil are. I'm affected by this. I can't let it all go, like I should. I'm not good. I'm weak again.'

Hannah smiles at him.

'Dan, what did your pills look like?'

Dan frowns.

'They were white. Small, obviously. Circular-'

'-Sugar pills.'

Dan raises an eyebrow at her.

'Excuse me?'

Hannah beams at him.

'Chris gave you them? Right?' She asks. Dan nods. 'It's a Chris move. Your pills were fake Dan.'

Dan stares and her, and then blinks.

'They can't have been-'

'-You got yourself to sleep. You got rid of your nightmares Dan. And you know what you used to do it?'

Dan shakes his head.

'Yourself. That's all you need. You're stronger than you think, and you'll learn to cope with guilt, we all do. You can help yourself, and that way, you become what you need. You become your own strength, and find your own strength, instead of just pretending to have it. You are the key to understanding you, and becoming a better you, and you've found your lock.''

Pj watches with fascination. She sounds a bit like Chris, and it leaves a sick taste in his mouth.

He feels Hannah's hand on his knee again.

'What would help you Pj? What do you need?' She asks.

He breaks.

'A drink.'

Hannah looks at Ingrid. Ingrid nods.

'I can do you that.'  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Ingrid raids her alcohol cupboard. It's mostly cider. Her father used to trade bread loaves for bottles of it, from an orchard up north. She has a lot of cider, and no father.

She lingers over the dust of the bottles. Staring at it.

'This okay Beautiful?'

Ingrid jumps, banging her head. She hadn't even heard Hannah come in.

'Stop calling me that.'

Hannah smiles. 'Why would I?'

Ingrid begins to move the bottles, she can't stop smiling.

'Because I'm not that beautiful-'

'-To me, you are.'

Ingrid gets all the bottles she needs. She stands up.

'You barely know me.'

'Don't need to.' Hannah presses a kiss to her cheek.

'You're okay?' Ingrid asks.

'Yes. I am.' A pause, they keep their foreheads together. 'You know I'll go if you need me too right?' Hannah asks.

Ingrid shakes her head slightly.

'I want you here.'

She was lonely before.

'I won't go if you don't want me too.' Hannah tells her.

Ingrid grins. 'Where did this come from?'

Hannah shrugs. 'Who knows? Come on, we've got some hurt people that need help.'

Hannah takes some of the bottles and walks out.

Ingrid watches her go, and she's never felt more comfortable or happy.

She knows what Hannah's done, that if Hannah got caught, she probably wouldn't get freed. It doesn't matter to her, she can see a good person when she finds one. Ingrid knows who Hannah is. She can see her faults, her pros and cons.

It just happens to be that Hannah's pros are Ingrid's cons and Ingrid's cons are Hannah's pros.

It's nice when things work out like that.

Ingrid leaves the room.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj's always been a light weight. Always.

Alcohol melts away the guilt.

Hannah and Ingrid get closer together as the night goes on.

Dan feels better for it too, as does Sophie. Both of them find each other hysterical, Sophie laughing so hard, she spills her drink on herself.

Pj still misses him, so he carries on drinking.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

They leave. Hannah hugs Dan and Pj for a long minute.

'You're staying here?' Pj slurs out.

Hannah nods. 'Ingrid needs me. She needs me.'

'What if someone finds you?' Dan asks.

'Then they find me.' Hannah isn't as drunk as them. 'And I live until then.'

She pushes a box of matches into Dan's hands.

'W-What's-'

'Just in case. Love you guys. Talk soon.'

She hugs them each again.

Ingrid embraces Sophie.

It's two in the morning. They finish their goodbyes.

When Pj looks back, he can see Hannah kiss Ingrid through the window.

He wishes them the happiness he aches to feel again.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

They stumble home. The path is dark. Dan lights a single match, setting his hand on fire.

Pj laughs, feeling truly free.

When Sophie nearly falls over, Pj catches her. Sophie manages to burn her little finger as she falls, she flinches away.

When Pj reaches out to heal it, he realizes he can't, he's drank too much.

'Sorry Soph, I'll heal it tomorrow.'

She giggles. 'Can't get it up?' She puts her finger in her mouth.

Pj laughs. 'Soph...' His tone turns more serious than he means it to be.

She speaks with the finger in her mouth. 'Yeah?' Her footsteps are heavy. She's happy, feeling like she's forgotten something but she's waking up.

'I have a boyfriend.'

Sophie's eyes widen, she keeps the finger in her mouth, it eases the pain.

'Is he called Daniel?'

Dan turns around, confused, he shakes his head.

'He's called Chris.' Pj enlightens, laughing.

She frowns, and then nods. She recognizes the name, it makes sense.

'Okay.'

'I'm probably never going to see him again.'

She nods again. 'Okay.'

Pj carries on laughing.

'I love him so much it hurts.'

'Okay.'

Pj stops laughing and stops walking. He feels heavy again, that's not how it's supposed to work. When did Chris become his weakness?

'He's probably going to at least get city freedom, or, if everything goes to shit, he's-he's-he's...' Pj cuts himself off.

She takes the finger out of her mouth.

'Maybe he'll get a second chance, he sounds like he could use it.' She puts a hand on his arm. 'Whatever happens Pj, you'll be okay someday. We'll get you to be okay.'

Pj smiles and nods.

'Chris would want you to be here anyway.' Dan chips in, nearly tripping. They really shouldn't be walking alone.

Pj smiles at the thought of him.

'I know he would.'

They move again.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

They don't know what the time is, it's closer to morning than evening.

They stand outside of Pj's home.

'You want me to walk you home? Little Soph?' Pj jokes.

Sophie rolls her eyes. 'Fuck off. See you tomorrow.'

Pj and Dan head inside. It wouldn't surprise Sophie if they ended up sharing a bed again, Pj's sister told her they've been doing that. She also told Sophie that Dan often screams in his sleep, and that it's heartbreaking.

It's not Sophie's place to judge, sleeping next to somebody seems nice right now.

She frowns, and she looks over the farm.

Maybe she'd be wanted, if she went to him. Maybe he'd take her in his arms one last time.

Maybe they could pretend it's not as fucked up as it is. Maybe tonight, Sophie could feel like this infatuation isn't wrong.

Maybe, he could pretend to want her back for one night. She could have a second chance.

Sophie doesn't walk home. She doesn't head to that house, with a cold bed, and her parents a few rooms away.

She goes to Louis.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Louis sleeps on his back. The blankets are gathered at his waist. One of his arms lays across his stomach.

Sophie knocks on his window.

He doesn't stir.

He always looks so peaceful when he's asleep. Sophie doesn't want to wake him up.

But she's cold. She's so damn cold.

She knocks on his window again.

Nothing.

She isn't okay. Nothing is okay anymore. One of her best friends is suffering. His friend is suffering too, and she likes Daniel. She hates seeing people suffer.

She feels sick, all the time.

And then there's Louis, then there's what Louis makes her feel.

He's the top of it all. She's felt pretty shit for months now, and he makes it better, so does Jamie, but it's not the same.

What she feels for him, makes her feel guilty, it makes her feel wrong, and selfish. It's the only thing that makes her feel lighter. He lets her breathe.

She wants him right next to her right now, she wants oxygen.

She bangs on the window, open palm, she doesn't care if she breaks it.

He sits up in bed quickly. His eyes are heavy from sleep.

He looks at her and she feels like gold.

He raises his eyebrows at her. Sophie waves in her state.

Louis shakes his head, he gets off the bed and walks to the window. He opens it.

'Sophie, what the fucking fuck are you doing?'

She laughs.

He leans on the window frame. His arms are crossed. His hair is messy. He's just that bit taller than her, the window gives him height. Sophie thinks this reminds her of something, a play?

'I miss you.' Sophie tells him.

He ducks his chin down, his eyes wide and questioning.

'Sophie, it's-' He looks at the clock that Sophie knows lives on his small table. It's a family antique of the Grant's. '-Half three. In the morning. And you miss me?'

'You're missable.' Sophie argues.

'I'm not missable.' Louis defends.

'You're a liar.'

Louis frowns. 'Are you drunk?'

Sophie shrugs. Louis smiles at her.

'I miss you.' Sophie repeats. 'I really really miss you.'

'I've not gone anywhere.' Louis points out. He gestures to his body. 'Note my being here.'

Sophie giggles. 'Shut up.'

Louis shakes his head.

'What do you want Sophie?'

'You.'

The truth doesn't register as a secret in Sophie's mind. In Louis's brain, it's an explosion.

'What?'

'You. I want you. Isn't it obvious?'

The words make Louis think he's dreaming. Then the reality hits him, she's drunk, and this isn't real.

'Don't say that Sophie. Not now.'

She looks at his face for a few seconds, scanning it.

She breaks.

She starts crying.

'Sophie, don't-' He starts.

'-I'm sorry. I'm so sorry-'

'-Don't be sorry.'

Louis leans forward, he double checks the gap between his window and the floor. He supposes this is what he gets for not shutting his curtains. He's never been happier about having a big window.

Sophie frowns through tears at him.

He puts his legs out first, and he forces himself to fall out of the window. He's on the ground next to Sophie.

He wraps his arms around her, and she tucks herself into his chest. He ends up rubbing her back.

He looks over the field. He can see well for moonlight. There's the woods that they all played in as children, always in sight of Louis's home. On the far side of the woods, is Kendall Farm.

Sophie is still crying.

'What do you really, I mean really, want Sophie?'

She mumbles into his chest.

Louis laughs, Sophie can feel the vibrations of it.

'What was that?'

'Sleep.' She lies.

Louis nods, he has one last look at the forest.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Louis doesn't even bother trying to get Sophie in through the window. He's seen her trip over her own feet before when she's drunk.

He has a hand on each side of her, her hips. He leads her to the door.

'Where did you even get the alcohol?' Louis asks, they normally only drink for special occasions. It'd surprised him that there was no alcohol when Pj came home.

'Ingrid. You know, the baker's daughter?'

'The baker's dead.'

'Ingrid. You know, the baker?'

Louis could laugh, but he'd feel bad if he did. He settles for a head shake that conceals amusement.

He leads her through the door. A finger over her soft lips when she becomes too noisy.

'Don't wake up my parents.' Louis instructs.

Sophie pouts, but does as she's told.

Louis leads her to his room. Hands still on hips.

He pushes the door for her, then they walk through together.

She walks away, sitting herself down on his bed.

Louis walks to the window, and closes it.

'Curtains shut or open?' Louis asks her.

She stares up at him.

'Shut.'

He nods. He walks to his drawers set.

From the top left drawer, he removes a box of matches; the cheap ones that sometimes get handed out at the ration center, along with the other bare essentials. The farm doesn't need too much. They could survive on the land, potentially, but they'd be a lot less comfortable. There are people in other sectors that might starve without their rations.

Louis finds a candle, after two tries, he lights the match, and then lights the candle. He leaves it on a clay plate, an attempt to catch any wax.

Louis returns to the window.

He closes the curtains, pulling the material along. The fabric isn't too thick, it allows for some moonlight.

Sophie can see Louis's face in soft light. It suits him.

She pulls her shoes off her feet. She stands up, walking over to him. The floor is cold, her legs ache.

'Sophie, what are you doing?'

She kisses him.

It's light, on the lips.

Louis's eyes widen, he's about to push her away. He doesn't want it like this.

She pulls away, she gives him a lazy smile.

'What was I doing?' She asks him.

'G-Going to bed.'

She nods. 'Oh right. Can I borrow a shirt?' He frowns. She giggles. 'I spilled something on myself.'

Louis shakes it off. 'Right.'

He walks to his drawers, second one down. He removes one that's a little too big for him. He passes it to Sophie.

Sophie looks at it for a second, she recognizes it.

'Where are you-' Louis starts.

She takes her shirt off.

Louis barely manages to close his eyes in time.

'For fucks sake Sophie!' Louis complains.

She doesn't say anything whilst she pulls his shirt over her head.

'Sorry.' She whispers.

Louis peaks with one eye to see if she's decent, she is.

He has to remind himself that she's not okay.

'Tell me next time, okay?' Louis speaks quietly.

She nods. 'Can we sleep now?'

Louis's heart skips a beat. 'We?'

She smiles. 'I can't sleep without you next to me.'

'I-'

'Please.' She begs. 'One more night.'

The tears on her cheeks illuminate her eyes, and that tone of voice, and she's wearing his shirt. Louis can't say no.

'Okay.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Sophie and Louis face each other in bed, both of them lay on their side. He can smell the alcohol on her, he's got a glass of water in the room that she can drink in the morning anyway.

'My finger hurts.' Sophie whispers her complaint.

Louis whispers back. 'What did you do to your finger?'

'I burnt it, by accident.'

He raises his eyebrows at her.

'Apposed to burning your finger on purpose?' He jokes.

She smiles at it.

'It was an accident though.'

'That was silly.'

'Kiss it better?' Sophie asks.

Louis chuckles.

'Am I your mother now?' Louis jokes.

Sophie nods.

'You're magic.'

He shakes his head, before reaching under the blanket and grabbing her hands.

He kisses each finger in turn; the pattern of thumb, index, middle, ring, little, on each hand.

She winces when he reaches the burn. He notices, and kisses it twice.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

  
Sophie snores.

Louis puts an arm around her.

'You're going to regret this in the morning.'

Louis already aches from how much her words are going to hurt. She's going to panic, he knows her. She'll run away. Then she'll come back and either pretend it didn't happen, or insult him. Louis can't see a good way for this to end, he never can.

He shuts his eyes, and quickly sleeps too.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj wakes up with Dan in his bed again. Dan had another nightmare, this one had hit him bad. He'd talked about how he'd gotten rid of them before, and he'd sobbed realizing that he can't anymore.

Dan had nearly sobbed when he'd heard footsteps in the hallway, and he realized he'd woken someone else up.

Pj's head doesn't pound. He doesn't get hangovers, small blessings. He crawls over Dan, and out of bed. He heads to the kitchen. It's early. He looks like a mess, even if he doesn't feel too much like one.

His mother sits in a chair in there. She raises her eyebrows at him, a gesture he's inherited.

'Yes Mother, it is I. The family disappointment.'

He laughs to himself whilst he gets a drink.

'You're not a disappointment.' She responds.

He raises an eyebrow at her.

'I feel like one.' He sighs after.

She smiles at him.

'You don't need to.' She stands up. 'You're having a bath before you go anywhere... Dan is too, but you're having separate baths.'

Pj snorts.

'Mum, we're not together.'

It's her turn to raise an eyebrow.

'Son-'

'-He's just a really close friend. Allies.' Pj interrupts. 'We only sleep together because of his nightmares.'

'Sex won't cure nightmares.'

Pj rolls his eyes.

'We're not having sex. Completely platonic.'

She stares at him for a long moment. Pj laughs, it reminds him of Phil's mind reading.

'You're telling the truth, aren't you?'

Pj nods. He sips from his drink, this water comes from a well they've got on the farm. There are some barely functioning taps that come from the it.

'I normally do. You just don't trust me.'

His mother laughs.

'Where were you last night?'

'Drinking.' He thinks of the right way to word it, Hannah is a secret. 'With an old friend.'

She smiles at him.

'And Dan still had a nightmare?' She asks, concerned. Pj nods. 'Is there anyway to help?'

'They got worse after the front-line.' Pj answers, he whispers an addition. 'Everything did.'

His mother stops smiling, she sits again.

'Is there nothing we can do?'

Pj shakes his head. 'No. I think his least favourite thing is feeling super embarrassed around you. He knows that you know. He was really bothered when Dad came in that night.'

'I told him to do that.'

Pj huffs out a laugh. 'Dan felt uncomfortable.'

'It's kindness.'

'Dan hasn't seen a lot of that.' Pj retorts.

His mother nods after he speaks. 'Bless him, I think he needs it.'

Pj smiles. 'He does.'

She carries on nodding. 'I'll think of something to help him. We've been talking about maybe moving housing, perhaps if we found a way for the two of you to be in a house alone...'

'Not alone.' Pj cringes at the thought. He doesn't want to be isolated, space from his parents may help, he needs to figure out how to act with them.

She smiles. 'I'll figure something out Sweetheart. Go run a bath, it'll be freezing cold. It'll help with the hangover-'

'-I don't get hangovers.'

She frowns. 'You've always had-'

'-My ability. I don't know the details, no one does, it's super weird but I can't get them from the looks of things.'

Her eyes are wide and shocked.

'Take that as a blessing.'

Pj stands up, and starts to walk out.

'That mother, I will.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The bath is exceptionally freezing.

Pj stays in the water long enough to numb his senses, it feels good.

He puts his head under last.

He keeps it there for a moment, the water fills his ears.

The world seems distorted and Pj doesn't hate it. He's not sure if he has the motivation to hate anything anymore.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj's father gently shakes Dan awake. Dan jumps, punching him in the jaw.

Dan slams a hand over his mouth

'Oh my god, I am, so sorry!'

'It's alright son!' Pj's father laughs, clutching his mouth. 'That's a mean punch you've got there.'

Dan frowns, his breathing is heavy.

He called him son.

Pj's father carries on talking. 'There's a bath for you.'

Pj's father leaves the room. Dan stares at the door, Pj walks in.

'Go have a cold bath so Mum will let us escape.' Pj instructs.

Dan finally smiles.

'He called me son.' Dan states.

Pj smiles too. 'Have a bath Spork.'

Dan leaves it a few seconds before following orders.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Sophie feels a pounding in her head. Her eyelids and arms are heavy. Her hand hurts.

She slowly opens her eyes, and she sees Louis's face.

It comes back to her.

Knocking on his window, hands on hips, candlelight, a kiss, finger kisses. His smile.

Her stomach lurches.

She wiggles away from Louis.

She stands up, still shaky on her feet.

The room is comfortably chilled.

Sophie looks back at Louis. Still asleep.

'I'm sorry.' The words escape. 'I'll make it up to you. It wasn't supposed to happen like this.'

She takes a step towards the bed, she leans over, and kisses the space between his eyebrows.

She leaves the room.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Sophie runs into Dan and Pj.

'We going again?' Sophie asks.

The two boys raise their eyebrows at her in sync. She doesn't look up for the walk.

'Soph...' Pj starts.

She glares at him.

'Okay. So I'm a little hungover, and a bit messy. Let me come with you.'

Pj laughs. Who's he to judge people?

'Sure.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Louis thinks the hardest thing about the day was facing his parents and pretending nothing happened.

It feels like everything did.  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

They take longer to reach the ration center. There's an even smaller crowd.

Pj spots Emily Kendall at the front. He doesn't know what to do. It's so bizarre seeing her there.

Should he talk to her about the brother she doesn't know?

He leaves it, she'll talk to him if she wants too.

The day passes.

Fifteen abnormals are trialed.

Pj only recognizes one.

Carrie Hope Fletcher is given restrained freedom, extended trialing.

That makes Pj laugh. Retrained freedom is a bigger cage. Freedom is freedom.

The trials end for the day.

They head home again, Pj wanting to leave quickly before Chris's younger sister catches up with them.

Pj jokes about when their parents are going to start making them pull their weight, Dan laughs along to his banter.

Sophie remains quiet. She's tired on her feet.

She's panicking.

She kissed Louis.

And now she's heading back to him. As always.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

No mention of Chris on the television again. Pj thinks that can't be a good sign, but maybe it isn't a bad one.

The sun isn't entirely set, on the horizon sits a semicircle.

Louis's father sits on the bench outside Pj's home, next to Pj's father.

'Your mother wants to see you.' Pj's father instructs. Pj nods. 'You're not in trouble.' Pj smiles.

The three of them head into the building.

His mother comes into the room and smiles.

'I did some shifting of housing today...'

Pj nods remembering their previous conversation. He's tired and hungry.

'Okay.'

'We're going to do a swap. The Grants for the two of you. It's about time we gave you guys a bit of independence.'

Pj frowns and thinks it through. Louis's parents and his own are good friends, Pj imagines that them living together would be fun for them all.

'But won't that leave us alone...'

'Louis's going to stay down there.' Pj's mother smiles. 'Doubt anything would move him. He's settled. Bless him.'

Pj ends up laughing too.

Sophie could smile, but doesn't. She feels too sick for that.

'What's happening?' She demands.

Pj's mother smiles at her, she's always appreciated Sophie's spirit.

'Pj and Dan are going to live with Louis in the bottom house.' Pj's mother enlightens.

'We're coming to live up here.' A voice shouts from the other room. Pj identifies it as Louis's mother.

Pj smiles. 'We moving now?'

Pj's mother smiles back. 'Yes. Dan can help you grab your stuff.'

Pj's mother leaves to go out the front of the house after the instructions.

A few moments silence.

'We're moving?'Dan inquires.

Pj turns to him, he lies easily. 'Yep. Mum figured it'd be better for us, like safety wise. It's not like I have a load of stuff anyway. It's clothes and some knickknacks really.'

A few more moments.

'I'll help out too.' Sophie finally speaks up.

'Thanks Soph, shall we go?'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj supposes that's the good thing about not having too much stuff that isn't clothes, it's easy for the three of them to carry his possessions down to The Grant's old home. The hardest thing to move is Pj's guitar, his mother nearly cried upon seeing him with it. Pj will try and play it soon. He hadn't felt like it at the time.

This isn't the first time they've switched houses. Pj's initial home had been Sophie's, but Pj was an adventurous child, and he kept nearly falling into the basement. Pj's father had gotten fed up and suggested the move to a house with no stairs. Houses are houses to Pj, home is something else.

Louis is pretty much the only one of them that's stayed in the same house. Louis is the only one who's room is his own, Louis stays.

The second walk down is the last one.  
Louis waits outside their new home. Finally having done his work, the field is nearly ready for harvest.

He's sitting cross legged on the ground. Sophie avoids eye contact.

He gets it.

'Living together then?' Louis asks.

'Looks like it.' Pj answers.

Louis smiles up at him, smirking after getting an idea.

'You'll have to forgive me if any noise comes from my room, I've been getting a lot of late night visitors recently.' Louis speaks playfully, he sees the truth register on Sophie's face.

Pj laughs. 'Oh really?'

'Yeah explicitly tons.' Louis keeps up the act. 'I'd just like them to stay in the morning.'

Sophie looks at the ground. Dan frowns.

'What?' Dan asks.

Pj rolls his eyes. 'He's joking Spork.'

'Oh...'

Pj chuckles at him.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

They all end up going to Sophie's house for dinner.

Pj and Dan finally separate.

Pj spends the evening talking to Louis and Jamie.

Dan spends it talking to Sophie.

Louis and Sophie spend it trying not to look at each other too much.

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Dan...' Pj taps his friend on the shoulder. 'We should probably get going. We need to be up early tomorrow. '  
They say their goodnights. Pj presses a small kiss to his mother's cheek and she smiles.

Louis tags along at the last second, not wanting to force Sophie to talk to him. He'll leave it up to her, he can do that.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

They reach their new home, always Louis's home. There's no candle light, Pj and Louis know their way. Dan stays close to Pj.

Their path's diverge immediately. Louis goes left, Pj and Dan go to their own rooms on the right.

'Goodnight Louis.' Pj calls.

Louis smiles. 'If you guys decide to get raunchy, can you keep it down?'

'We're not together.' Pj reminds him, feeling guilty at the thought of it. He belongs to someone.

'I know.' Louis says. He walks off.

Dan and Pj make eye contact.

'Good day?' Dan asks.

Pj nods. 'Better. Did you get that much of a hangover this morning?'

Dan frowns before shaking his head. Pj smiles.

'Healed you.'

Dan rolls his eyes. 'Did you ever do that to Chris by accident?'

Pj flinches at the name, he's about to answer no, but then he thinks about the last time Chris got drunk. The suspicious lack of hangover.

Pj's mouth hangs open.

'Looks like it.' Pj answers. He meets Dan's eyes again. 'Early start tomorrow. Let's get some sleep.'

They each go to their own rooms. Dan's is empty, but warmer than his last one. Pj's is colder, his stuff hasn't found it's right home yet. Pj's never lived in this house before.

Honestly, he's lived everywhere. Pj has two official parents, and then three pairs of non-related, overly close, aunts and uncles.

He's got a big family. They make him feel better, but not as good as normal.

He misses normal.

He lays down on his bed. The window is open, he can't be fucked to shut the curtains. He can see Jamie's house in the distance.

His mind wonders to Chris's sister. Obviously younger. He's barely even spoken to her. She's younger, and of a different crowd. She used to stay behind after school to work.

Pj can't help but feel like it's his fault for not noticing. If Pj had put two and two together, Chris could have known that his family are okay. That everything he's done, did its job.

Pj can't help but wish their places were swapped, that Chris had been carted home to his family, or taken to Phil's, and that Pj was the one rotting in a cell.

Pj frowns, he doesn't wish that. If Chris had got let out before Dan and him, Chris would have unleashed hell to get them back.

Pj scrunches his face up, a hand on his mouth.

He can't cry.

Crying doesn't help anyone.

Crying won't bring Chris to him.

Pj was always scared of of losing his family, of them getting hurt.

Now he's scared that he's lost himself, and he's lost the person he accidentally fell

Pj starts crying when he realizes that the things he's most scared of come true.  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Sophie sighs before sitting on her bed.

She had a bath.

Why does she feel so fucking bad about this particular time? It's not like it was the first time she's slept next to him.

She kissed him. He remembers his lips on her fingers. His eyes, sad in the light.

Her hair is curlier than normal, something her father always jokes about being impossible. He should know, he's where she got it from.

Sophie looks like her grandmother. Sophie doesn't remember that much of her grandparents, they lived in this house with her for a while. When Sophie's grandfather died, it'd been the last of that generation to go. Sophie was two.

It's odd to think that even with all of their traditions, their parents were the first batch of kids to grow up on the farm. Her parent's parents saved for years to buy the land. It had right amount of buildings, it was perfect for them.

Sophie wonders if she's the first person to have feelings for a person she grew up with.

If anything, it's mildly incestuous and should make her feel sick. It should disgust her, she's known him forever. Louis and Sophie meeting isn't a story to tell, it was just fact. She should feel sick.

Sophie could excuse how she feels for years, and she's not sure if it'd ever be logical in her head.

She could talk about how he's always been there. How his eyes, make her want to smile.

In reality, Pj left, and Sophie finally saw him for everything he is.

Now Pj's back, she can't unsee Louis.

She's never going to be able to.

Her grandfather had met her grandmother in school. She was one of his best friends. Even as he died, he still missed her. Even as she died, he was glad for every moment they had, and their son.

He'd tell Sophie to talk to him. She'd tell him to set that fire in her heart and go out burning.

She listens.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Sophie is quieter heading to Louis. His house can't be more than a five minute walk away, but it's feeling like forever.

With every step, she wonders if this is the right choice.

Who says this isn't just in her head?

Who says she isn't crazy?

Sometimes, something happens to you completely out of the blue, and you need to take a risk. 

Sophie thinks this is one of those times.

She looks down at his shirt in her hand. Her escape plan if she needs it.

She remembers how she got it. How he saw her there and just accepted it, he didn't even question her.

She smiles, maybe he's a little crazy too.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Sophie walks along the wall, she drags her hand along it's surface. It's rough and scrapes. Her finger still hurts, she hadn't bothered getting Pj to heal it, she hadn't felt like she deserved it.

She finds herself at his window for the second time.

He's not shut the curtains, again.

Predictable.

She takes a deep breath, before tapping the window with her knuckles.

The window takes less time to open. He was obviously awake.

He folds his arms, and leans on the window. He turns and glares at her. Mouth slightly pouted and eyes demanding.

Sophie looks up at him, and is reminded that Louis is actually kinda pretty.

'Hello.' Sophie whispers.

Louis rolls his eyes. 'And what exactly is it you want?' Sophie opens her mouth to respond. 'And if you say 'You' this time, I will shut this window.'

Sophie tries to bite back a laugh.

'I said that?'

Louis ends up smiling.

'You did. Then you cried. Then, after I came out there and stopped you crying, you said you wanted to go to sleep.' He bites his lip. 'Then I escorted you into my room. Then you kissed me.' He hesitates. 'Then you stole my shirt, and went to sleep. However, you did complain about burning yourself first.'

A few minutes silence. There's less moonlight, there's more cloud in the sky. Sophie wouldn't be surprised if it rains soon.

'Sounds very eventful.'

Louis huffs out a laugh.

'It was certainly that. What do you want Sophie?'

Sophie. Not Soph, Sophie.

'To give you some things.'

Louis's eyes widen, he ducks his chin down. His look is patronizing, it asks the question before he says it.

'Things?'

Sophie nods.

She puts Louis's shirt on the window, beside his hands. He carries on looking at her, like she's the only thing in his world.

'Take that.' Sophie says.

Louis nods. 'Anything else?'

Sophie's mouth hangs open. She feels it in her stomach, in her heart, in her fingers.

She has to say something, she can't keep quiet about this. She'll rip her hair out.

'Take me.'

She's never seen Louis's eyes widen so quickly.

'What?'

She grimaces.

'I could have worded that better, couldn't I?'

He nods.

'You could have. Can I have some clarification Sophie?'

She looks up at him. He prays, he prays, that she says what he wants her to say. That she feels it too, that he's not entirely fucked up for feeling this.

She tells him the truth.

'I'm sick of this. I'm sick of you not being with me. I'm sick of the fact that Pj's back and we have to be normal again, but we're not normal. We're completely mad! And...And...' She looks at him, his eyes egg her on, his smile. 'And... I'm mad for you.'

She comes closer to the window. Her face looking upwards at him.

'You're mad for me?' Louis whispers.

Sophie grins. 'Yeah, I am. Completely mad for you. Are you mad for me?'

Louis furrows his brow.

'Of course I am... You're Sophie, I'm completely and utterly mad for you.'

Sophie feels a weight off her chest.

She sighs, and it turns into giggles. Her heart is racing and oh great, she's a teenager again.

Sophie looks at his lips.

'Can you prove it?'

He's smiling at her.

'Prove what exactly?'

'How mad you are for me?'

Louis grins.

'How do you want me to prove it?'

'Kiss me.'

He smirks.

'Sure.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

He climbed out the window to meet her. It's surreal to him, like a dream he doesn't want to wake up from.

Neither of them quite know what to do. This is unknown territory.

They smile at each other, both of them huff out awkward laughter.

Her hair is curlier than normal. It's beautiful.

He reaches out and touches a lock of it. It's soft to the touch. Sophie's entire demeanor changes. He's glimpsed at this version before, it's the quiet Sophie.

He loves all of her already, it's not hard to love this bit.

Her mouth is slightly open. She's breathing heavily.

He moves his hand from her hair, to her mouth.

He runs his thumb over her bottom lip, left to right.

He stares into her eyes, and she stares back.

She feels electricity where he's touching her.

He moves quickly, tipping up her head, and kissing her on the lips once, just a peck.

He pulls away. Sophie can't open her eyes.

Once she opens them, she knows she's screwed.

She smiles at him before wrapping her arms around his neck, pulling him down and herself up.

She brings their mouths together again, this time for longer, this time, the kiss is deeper.

It devours them both.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Louis pulled Sophie through the window. She nearly fell, he caught her at the last second. Laughter.

'We're going to wake up Peej and Dan.'

Sophie smiled.

'Fuck 'em.'

They'd carried on kissing. Hands link. Sophie has to look up reach him, Louis has to curl over to meet her.

Hands unclasp and things progress.

Louis pulls away.

'Are you sure you-'

She kisses him again, Louis moans into it. Sophie smiles against his mouth.

Sophie pulls away, she takes a step back.

'I'm pretty damn fucking sure.'

Louis can't help but be concerned.

'If we do this, and it goes wrong, nothing will be the same ever again.' Louis points out slowly.

Sophie bites her lip. 'I don't care.'

'This could end up being our biggest regret.'

Sophie nods. 'I still don't care.'

Louis laughs. 'You're not even a little bit worried?'

Sophie shrugs.

'Things were never going to be the same again... I can't stop fucking wanting you.'

Louis smiles.

'Sophie, am I really worth the risk?' Louis asks.

Sophie looks up at him.

'Of course you are.'

Louis smiles.

'But I'm not as... loud? As everyone else. You all burn so brightly and then there's me and I'm okay with that. But you shouldn't be.'

Sophie lets out a surprised laugh.

'And what do you suggest I aim for?' Louis shrugs. 'Don't give me that shit Louis. Talk to me.'

'I don't know. Better than me? I don't deserve you-'

'-Is this you getting rid of me?' Sophie interrupts.

Louis frowns, he shakes his head.

'I couldn't ever get rid of you Sophie. I'm asking why you're not getting rid of me.'

Sophie's eyebrows raise. The answer is obvious.

'Because if we burn brightly, then you burn steady. I prefer that, I prefer you. Accept it, it'll make our lives easier.'

Louis grins. 'I'll work on it.'

Sophie finds that she can smile too. 'Can we go back to wherever that was heading then?'

'Are you sure?' Louis asks, one last time.

'When it comes to you-' She takes the step back, she's in his space again. 'Always.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

When Sophie takes her shirt off this time, Louis doesn't look away.

Louis runs his hands all over her, little breezes of kisses grace the skin that Louis has ached to embrace.

She becomes breathless beneath him. Reaching up to grab at what she's tried to not want, she reenacts every daydream she can imagine.

Then they're moving together, and Sophie can't quite grasp that this is happening, they're doing this, risking this. Sophie thinks that his back is most likely going to have scratches on it.

She sees exhaustion on his face, and pulls him down for another one of those igniting kisses.

The moment and the friction is right, he's everything she's wanted. She chooses him, he's what she needs.

Calm.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Sophie falls asleep on her side again, Louis curls beside her.

Louis still can't believe it, he has to have pinched himself a hundred times by now.

Their clothes are scattered around the room. Louis can still smell sex, it's not as potent anymore.

His eyelids are heavy. He tucks his chin over the top of Sophie's head.

He kills the worry in him, even if it doesn't last.

He falls asleep.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Dan's back on the front-line.

He's running, always running. His jacket is drenched in blood, he thinks he might be sweating it.

He sees Mitchell, and Phil.

Running. Running to them.

Phil smiles.

Soldiers.

Running. Running to them.

He's in that same position as before. Shoot to live. Shoot to die. You don't have a choice.

Dan takes them down, again.

Their helmet comes off, again.

This time, the person he shot is his little brother, the one he's abandoned.

Yesterday it was Troye. The day before that, it was Chris.

There's an explosion in the background.

Dan's teeth begin to fall out, one by one. His mouth bleeds. It hurts too much to even say sorry.

Everything is red, and orange, and blue.

It's fire. The world is fire.

When Dan wakes up, he's surprised to not be screaming, for once.

He cries.

He cries in his unfamiliar room. In the home that he didn't grow up in, in the place he doesn't belong. With the people, the good people, that don't know him.

Dan's only ever belonged in one place. That place has been destroyed. The people there are captive, fleeing, hiding, or maybe even plain dead.

Maybe the world just wasn't designed for Dan. Maybe the injection his mother had, wasn't the thing that made him different.

Maybe he should start a fire.

Dan lays back on bed sheets. The room is especially dark. The desert was never this dark, the sand kept it alight.

Dan used to hate the dark.

It wouldn't surprise him if the dark hated him now.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The sunlight hits Pj, he feels like he hasn't slept at all.

Time to go.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

This walk feels longer everyday and the crowd by the screens feels smaller.

The village, and the surrounding people, are returning to normal.

They stand and watch the same reel of news over and over again. Occasionally, they'll throw in the tape containing the details of the scandal for good measure.

'Do you reckon today could be the day?' Dan asks.

Pj frowns at him. 'Maybe.'

'They must be running out of people to trial.'

Pj nods along.

'They do have a thing for being dramatic, maybe they'll save the best until last. It so wouldn't surprise me.'

'Me neither. Though, I don't get why they didn't trial Chris and Phil first.' Dan says.

Pj's brow furrows further.

'What do you mean Spork?'

'I mean, they sort of sum up the whole thing, don't they? Chris was taken so young he barely remembers not being there. They've both done...'

'Super fucking bad things?' Pj suggests, the words taste like bile.

'That. So why didn't they show off just how bad everything used to be with them?'

There's too many answers. Pj can't think of a good one.

Pj reaches out and takes Dan's hand.

He isn't surprised when Dan squeezes back.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Sophie wakes up late. Pj and Dan will have already left.

She can't be fucked to run after them.

She can't be fucked to move.

Louis's hand rests in front of her, she reaches out and links their fingers. Their legs are intertwined. He's so close to her, she's afraid to breathe in case it wakes him.

There's birdsong in the distance, the air is cold again. Sophie reckons this is going to be a cold winter.

Louis is warm. She doubts he'll let her freeze.

She closes her eyes. The soft cold sunlight is shut out.

She'll lay still for a little while longer.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Louis finally wakes up. Sophie smiles, he tried to stay quiet.

'I'm awake too, you idiot.' Sophie mumbles.

Louis freezes.

'Was it my fault you woke up? I'm really sorry if-'

'-Shut up and relax with me. You're far too uptight for a man that had sex last night.'

Louis silences himself. He shifts into a position he's comfortable in.

'It was some pretty spectacular sex.' Louis whispers.

'Of course it was, I'm the best.'

Louis snorts.

Sophie turns over, so she's on her back. She can finally see his face.

He's heavy lidded, his hair a complete mess. Sophie can see the top half of his chest, she's extremely familiar with it, that's farm life, but it's different now.

She looks back up into his eyes.

Everything is different now.

'You saying I'm not the best?' Sophie jokes, her smile comes easily.

Louis shakes his head. 'Of course not. I wouldn't dare.'

They fall into silence. Both of them wait for the other person to say it.

Sophie sighs.

'What happens now?'

Louis swallows. He thinks.

Louis goes through thoughts practicality, and then reason.

He ignores them, they never got him anywhere.

He looks at her. Sophie's top half is also exposed and she's beautiful. 

'We have a few options.' Louis states.

'Good ones.' Sophie begs, her chin tips down towards her chest.

A beat. 'Do you want good ones?'

Sophie smiles at him, it's insecure and small.

'I'd like one where I get to keep you.'

Louis smiles back, how can he not?

'Do I get to keep you too? Or is this not a mutual thing, however, I could possibly-'

'-You get to keep me too. In a way that doesn't make this sound like I'm from before the wars. You'll never own me.'

Louis frowns.

'Before the wars. That is really over now.' He philosophizes.

Sophie rolls her eyes at him.

'Maybe we all get second chances, maybe this is when we get to forgive.' Sophie points out. 'Maybe it's a new start.'

'A new start...' Louis repeats.

'With an us in.' Sophie adds. She tests the waters, she knows she wants to swim.

Louis smiles.

'That sounds astounding.'

'And a little impossible?' Sophie jokes.

Louis nods along. 'You're a little impossible.'

'That's mean.'

'Am I wrong?'

She puts a finger over his mouth and shushes him. He blows air at it. Sophie giggles, and Louis can't stop smiling.

Sophie has a horrible reminder of life, when she realizes she should probably be quiet, just in case.

'Are we going to have to stay secret?' She speaks quietly, her humour gone.

Louis blinks. 'Yes. Probably. For a while.'

Sophie nods. She can accept that.

'What if we get somewhere, and we don't want to keep it secret anywhere?' Sophie asks.

Louis is quick to answer, already figuring it out himself.

'Then we tell them.'

'And if...' Sophie trials off thinking about it, how would this go down? How would her parents feel if they knew about last night? And how Sophie feels?

'And if they think we're completely fucked up?' Louis fills in. Sophie nods. 'Then they don't love us. And they don't deserve you.'

'They don't deserve me?' Sophie grins.

Louis rolls his eyes.

'I'm bad with words. Okay?'

'I've always thought you were very eloquent actually.'

'Stop mocking me.'

'You wouldn't like me if I didn't.'

'That's true.' Louis admits.

She kisses him again, it's a lazy kiss, he returns it. It's sloppy and wet. Louis has issues containing his smile.

Louis doesn't count the moments, but it feels like hours before they pull away. Resting foreheads together.

Louis's voice is hoarse.

'We should probably go.'

Sophie nods. 'I'll come back here tonight?'

Louis nods. 'I'll wait, and use the front door this time.'

'But I love the dramatics.'

'Yeah, well I love you, and next time I pull you through the window, you're probably going to hurt yourself.'

Sophie grins, he didn't even realize he said it.

'Louis?'

He laughs.

'Yes...'

'I love you too.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Seven trials today.

Two get freedom. They're allowed to go home, neither of them look older than Dan and Pj, they embrace. Pj forgot their names.

Two get restrained freedom. Allowed to go anywhere within city limits, there's a possibility of eventual freedom for both of them.

Today is an odd day.

Three people get death sentences.

Pj forgets names, but he remembers murders.

'Twenty deaths in cold blood' belong to a water analyzer who sobs at their sentence.

'Fifty war crimes' belong to a ground manipulator, who seems to have been expecting it.

'Thirty murders' go to a air analyzer, who used her power to explode people from the inside, they stare at a wall for the entire trial, Pj wonders if they've been dead inside since they did it.

The trials end at midday, earlier than ever before.

'Should we go back?'

Dan's hand is still linked with Pj's.

'We'll visit Hannah first. She'll want to know.'

Pj isn't sure if he knows that much anymore.

He does know, that if more deaths happened today. There'll be more tomorrow.

Chris and Phil are in danger, and there's nothing they can do.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj ducks into the bakery first. He doesn't think he's visited here more than once in a week since Ingrid's father's funeral. Sophie had been intent on visiting her, Ingrid is the youngest orphan they know.

Ingrid had picked herself up, used to grief, she sorted herself out.

Pj always admired that, but with his new perspective, he appreciates it even more.

Ingrid smiles at them.

'Hey!'

Dan and Pj both greet her back.

'I take it you're not here to see me.' Ingrid jokes.

Pj smiles for her. 'There were three death sentences today. We came to tell her. '

Ingrid's smile melts, she frowns.

'Oh shoot. Do you know names?' Pj shakes his head. Ingrid nods with determination. 'Describe them.'

Pj opens his mouth to follow orders, but Dan cuts in. His descriptions of the unknown abnormals aren't as vague as Pj's would have been. Pj keeps quiet.

Ingrid takes in every word.

'I'll tell her.' Ingrid finally concludes. 'It'll be better coming from me.'

Pj nods. 'You're sure?'

She smiles again. Pj has a feeling that he knows that smile, that it's the fake one he's grown familiar with.

'Completely.'

Pj nods again, he's about to turn around.

'Thanks-'

'-Wait!' Ingrid interrupts. 'You've got that long walk haven't you?'

Dan and Pj exchange a look.

'Yes...' Pj answers.

Ingrid smiles.

'Let me get you some snacks.'

She walks off before they have the chance to say no.

Dan and Pj exchange another look. They both restrain laughter.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Dan and Pj reach the farm again before evening.

Pj knows what his dad's going to say before he says it.

'Get to work then.'

Pj's father goes inside.

Pj turns to Dan, and he smiles.

'Come on. We'll find the others.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The day has been strange for Sophie and Louis.

The world changed. They can't tell anyone. Keep quiet or risk it all. 

How would their families react to finding out their children are in love? When their parents before them were raised as siblings.

Louis doesn't have an issue not telling anyone. If anything, the fear is a bit exciting, it makes him appreciate it more.

He does feel sorry for Jamie though. He must be getting confused by misplaced laughter by now.

Louis doesn't have the willpower to stop.

When Pj arrives, it's easier to pretend. Pj and Dan are touchy anyway. It's not surprising given their circumstances. It allows Sophie and Louis to fit in better.

The hardest thing about the day, winds up not being hiding it; It winds up being treating Pj like normal, remembering that he's not made of glass.

When the sun goes down and Jamie's father comes and collects them, Pj puts his arm around Louis's shoulders, and he rustles his hair.

Louis looks at the girl he loves walking ahead of him.

He's never felt better.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

They eat at Jamie's that night.

Pj spends the evening trying to forget the dread in him. His sister notices, she talks to him with no sense of malice in her words. She attempts to sooth him, they speak of the good bits of training, what Pj missed, gossip.

He's surprised that when the night draws to a close, she hugs him.

'Thank you for saving my life. You went through a lot for me, and you shouldn't have, but thank you for giving me a chance.'

The words catch Pj off guard, but he doesn't cry. It just plays into his soul.

He's been so overwhelmed that he'd almost forgotten the beginning. He did this to save his sister.

He's done that.

Pj stares at her, and he sees the person he shot. They were innocent.

They might have lived if Pj hadn't been there.

Pj traded their life for his sister's.

She squeezes him tighter before letting go.

Pj doesn't feel better anymore.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Sophie waits for as long as she can cope with until she leaves the house.

Today felt so freeing compared to the guilt of the last few days.

If Louis carries on making Sophie feel this happy, then if they told their families, and their families wanted them to break it off, Sophie would pick him. She doesn't doubt that Pj and Jamie would most likely side with them. The older Liguori, Eva, loves soppy romance, she'd be on board.

Sophie wonders if she's overthinking this, whether her parents would care. She wonders if they've convinced themselves that this is a problem. They're not blood related, it's only an issue because they grew up on the same land. Their parents could go either way, Sophie doesn't know which.

The walk is always pleasant, she ducks her head down and keeps aware of the darkness. She doesn't want to get seen or jumped.

Her chest feels tight with fear. She's not sure what she's scared of.

Losing someone? It's always been losing someone. She was scared of losing Pj, she got so close to her other friends that she fell in love with one of them. Now is she more scared of losing Louis or her family? Love or life?

Too many questions for a nighttime walk.

She reaches the house and listens, ear pressed against the door, before she enters.

She tiptoes to Louis's room.

Sophie knocks on the door, but doesn't wait to be let in.

'It is I. The literal light of your life.' Sophie jokes.

She hears Louis chuckle at her.

'Currently. That would be the candle that's letting me see how pretty you look.'

Sophie can't help but laugh at him. She shakes her head. 

'I need you.'

Louis stands and walks to her. He takes her hands.

'I'll gladly deliver. Anything in particular?'

She smirks up at him.

'Anything you want to give me?'

He chuckles.

'The world?'

She ends up laughing too.

'I'd take some more of that totally great body of yours, actually.'

He kisses her. It is intended as a peck, but drags onto a brushing of lips. He gasps when they pull away, blood running hot.

'Yes, sure, let's do that.'

Sophie is about to make another remark, when Louis kissing her again cuts her off.

She melts into it.  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Sleep is hard again, it was hard at the abnormal center because he was missing his family.

Now he's missing his friends, and there's added guilt now.

When sleep finally does come, Pj isn't surprised that nightmares rack through his body.

Chris smirking at him whilst he's set on fire.

Pj running away, it's safest for him.

He runs and runs and runs and runs until he's lost.

Always lost. He's lost when he's found.

Then he remembers that he's not running for the sake of it, he's running because he's being chased.

He sprints and he doesn't have the breath to scream anymore.

He runs into a abyss and falls.

He jumps into reality, covered in sweat.

He puts his arm over his eyes, and wishes that he could stop breathing for a few days.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj is starting to run on no sleep at all. He's happy that Dan seems to be getting more, or at least coming into his room less. It gives Pj more time to be vulnerable.

Dan comes to see if he's already awake, smiling when he sees him.

'You okay?' Dan asks, leaning on the door frame. He's still wearing clothes from the city, with a cloak over them for subtly. Pj's gone back to his old clothes, he should really talk to someone about getting Dan some less obvious ones.

Then again, who the fuck would mess with Dan?

'Yeah.' Pj lies.

Dan smiles at him. 'Your family are already up.'

Pj nods. 'Yes?'

'Do you wanna go see them before we go?'

Pj frowns. 'Why?'

Dan's smile shrinks. 'I think they'd appreciate it. They've gone long enough not seeing you. At least make it look like you care.'

Pj's slightly shocked at Dan's honesty, he has a feeling this was a long time coming. Pj's not ready for a lot. To face everything? His family? 

Pj whispers. 'I do care.'

Dan raises an eyebrow. 'Then show them. Otherwise, you'll break it.'

Dan leaves the room.

Pj takes the words in, before getting ready.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj's mother grins upon seeing the both of them.

Pj thinks he should probably listen to Dan more often.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

When they reach the village, they run into Ingrid.

She smiles at them both.

'I just went to the ration center....' Ingrid pauses' Hannah wanted to see if I could get names for the deaths, she's baking for me now. She hates not going outside.'

Pj frowns. 'And?'

Ingrid shakes her head. 'There's no trials today. The panel are making a 'difficult decision'. So something big is going to happen tomorrow.'

Pj's heart goes to his throat. He catches Dan's eye.

'No point in going then?' Dan chokes out.

Ingrid shakes her head.

She reaches out and hugs Pj, then she does the same for Dan.

She hurries back to the bakery, after saying her goodbyes. Pj manages to whisper them back.

Pj and Dan turn to face each other.

'Something big?'

Dan bites his lip. His heartbeat is strong.

'That could be anything.'

Pj huffs out air. 'Knowing our luck...' Pj doesn't finish his sentence, he doesn't have to.

Dan takes a deep breath.

'We'll find out tomorrow.'

Pj grimaces. 'I guess we'll have to.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

  
They don't spoken on the journey, remaining shoulder to shoulder.

There's more dread in Pj now than in the days before the front-line.

He guesses there's less to fight about. This is out of his hands.

At least someone he trusted was in charge before.

Pj thinks over the worst.

Pj thinks over the first time he nearly lost Chris, and he knew he wouldn't be too broken.

This is going to be his destruction, and without Chris, Pj isn't even too sure if he minds being destroyed.

They reach the farm.

Passing Pj's old home, the present home of his blood family.

They cross paths with Jamie.

He takes one look at them.

Jamie frowns.

'What's wrong?'

Pj laughs. Dan can practically taste the bitterness of it.

'A lot.' Pj answers. He giggles to himself. 'A lot.' He repeats, quieter.

Dan catches Jamie's eyes. Dan shakes his head at him, Jamie nods back.

'We're working. You okay? With that?' Jamie suggests.

Pj nod quickly. 'That sounds good.' Pj walks off.

Jamie watches him go, turning to Dan after.

'Is he okay?'

Dan shakes his head. 'Some people we care about, they're in danger.'

Jamie nods. 'I'll tell everyone to be gentle with him.'

'Don't make it obvious.' Dan instructs, Jamie nods again.

'Are you okay Dan?'

Dan has a beat before the words hit him. He swallows away the sick feeling in his throat.

Dan shakes his head.

Jamie's sighs. He puts a hand on Dan's shoulder.

'Hopefully one day, everyone will be.' Dan states.

'Hopefully, they will.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj spends the whole day being consumed by worry. He can see pity in his family's eyes and he wishes he could rip it out.

By nighttime, he's so exhausted, that he collapses. He didn't even bother to eat, he knew he'd just see it again.

In his dreams, Chris is just out of reach. Chris smiles as he fades into the distance, and Pj is left in the darkness.

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Dan barely sleeps. He's awake when the sunrises. He waits until the time is right.

He wakes up Pj.

Pj's eyes are offended for a few moments upon waking, then he remembers and Dan can see the colour drain from him.

They barely speak. The odd functional question thrown in.

'Are we going to bother eating?'

'Do you want to?'

'No.'

They leave.

The walk to the ration center is short. The crowd basically non-existent.

Pj sees the younger Kendall sibling at the front. She's shaking. He can't find the motivation to talk to her, he can't find the words.

Pj can feel Dan's shoulder pressed against his own.

'If this worry is for nothing, I'm going to punch someone.'

Pj finds himself laughing.

When the screen changes, he stops.

'The giving of verdicts for Chris Kendall and Philip Lester, will commence shortly.'


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't send me hate x

Chris hasn't walked much over the last few days.

He sits and stares at walls, head cocked slightly to the side. Legs tucked beneath him.

There's a noise in the hallway, and Chris gets scared again.

He looks at his bracelet, he's calm.

He had a shower last night, it was nice, he might do that again today.

Chris also ate something. He doesn't want to end up as a bag of skin and bones. The first thing they do in training is give you strength to fight with, Chris won't lose that strength. Strength gets you places.

Chris is looking forward to when Jack comes. He's not Jack Howard, but he's pleasant. He seems like a good guy.

Which makes Chris the bad guy.

Or rather, that makes Chris that character in the book Tyler stole and read some of to him.

Not Frankenstein, his monster.

It was a weird book. 

They killed the people in charge of Chris. They killed the people that ran the abnormals.

They killed the people that did this to Chris.

Whatever happens to Chris, he has that. He has that knowledge, his memories, and Pj's bracelet.

The noise from earlier is explained.

'Chris. Will you co-operate?' Jack asks, like he always asks.

'Yes.'

Jack opens the cell door and steps in. Chris waits for his words, the news.

He gets something else.

'Chris... It's...It's time.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Jack leads Chris to a hallway. It's not familiar. Chris thought he knew this building.

It's makes sense that Chris wouldn't know this bit too well. This isn't the mission zone, this is the torture zone.

Chris has always wanted a clean death. He's not one for torture.

Death over capture. Look how well that turned out.

Another door opens.

Chris whips his head around.

Phil.

Chris smiles in relief, his mouth slightly open.

Phil copies him, grinning at him.

'Miss me Philly?' Chris teases.

Phil's face scrunches. They run to each other. When they meet, they embrace.

'It feels like years since I last saw you.' Phil states.

'That's because so much has changed.' Chris responds.

They carry on hugging.

Jack coughs. 'You know you're on camera right?'

Chris speaks over Phil's shoulder.

'Don't care.' Chris responds. Phil squeezes him tighter.

Chris turns his head, and whispers into his ear.

'Are you okay?'

Phil pulls away and nods. 'You?'

Chris nods. He smiles.

'They let Pj and Dan go.'

Phil exhales deeply. 'I-'

A beep.

Silence, and exchanged looks.

'You need to go into the next room. They're ready for you.' Jack states. 'Good luck.'

Chris's terror doesn't even register. He sees how much Phil is shaking.

Chris takes his hand. Phil looks into his eyes.

'I love you Phil. Whatever happens.'

Phil smiles, but carries on shaking.

'I love you too.' Phil breathes.

'Platonically, right?' Chris jokes.

'Platonically left.' Phil retorts.

They exchange fake grins.

They go in.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris and Phil find two seats waiting for them.

There's a panel of people glaring from behind glass.

Phil frowns. He can't see their auras.

He looks back at Chris, he can see his just fine. It soothes him, like always. He's spent the last few days in his cell glimpsing at passing ones.

The glass is too thick. Phil squeezes Chris's hand.

They take their seats, and glare back at their fate.

Chris spots a camera, and a thought crosses his mind.

Pj's probably watching.

Pj's probably still wishing that he comes home.

Chris raises his wrist to his mouth, and kisses the bracelet. A message, if he sees it.

Back to staring.

'Chris Kendall. Abnormal of twenty plus years. From the mountain sector. Not attached to an element. Captured on the front-line.'

Phil squeezes Chris's hand even tighter. Chris can't touch these people with his power, so Phil has no idea what's coming next, he can't see. Phil's blind.

Chris looks around the room, keeping his body still.

It's like looking for a light switch in the dark, but he finds his goal.

A small hole, in the top left corner of the glass.

Chris begins to chip at it.

Phil starts to see their auras. Phil smirks.

The speaker turns to Phil.

'Philip Lester. Abnormal of almost twenty years. From the lake sector. Not attached to an element. Captured on the front-line.'

Chris squeezes Phil's hand throughout. Phil doesn't understand. He dips into Chris's mind.

He finds a mission. Chris is giving him the opportunity to not be shocked. He's asking Phil to let him know if he's understood by scratching him.

Phil does exactly that, and Chris beams.

'A collective decision has been made about your fate-'

Chris swallows. A different person speaks.

'-Your stories are both, incredibly unique. We spent an entire day in heated debate over your verdict.'

Phil can see their auras now, not yet their minds. They seem truthful.

Chris keeps chipping at that gap in the wall, he needs Phil to be in their heads. 

The original speaker takes back over.

'Your stories are tragic, and will never be forgotten. However-'

Phil can see their minds, and he jumps straight in. His body freezes.

He should have expected it really.

'You're both not trustworthy in society. We feel that you both carry too much potential, to be let out.'

'We know that you will never co-operate without incentive.'

'And to give you incentive, would be unjust.'

'It brings me no pleasure to tell you. That you are to be sentenced to death.'

The words roll over Chris. 

_Oh._

He's never going to see the people he loves again.

He should have expected it really. 

This isn't right.

'We are aware that you, Chris Kendall, have had our religion in the past. We hope that the way your sentence will be carried out, will bring you comfort.'

'You are to be staked out at sea, and left to drown. The waters will purify your soul, we pray that you will be allowed to start again.'

Chris chokes. 'I'm not dangerous.'

He hates the pity he receives.

'Mr Kendall-'

'And neither are the other abnormals.'

'Mr Kendall please-'

'Tell me, how many abnormals are still free? Still on the lose'? Tell me, how many civilian deaths have there been?'

The panel look among themselves.

'None, Mr Kendall.'

'Because we're not dangerous. We're not.' Chris whispers. He looks over at Phil. Phil looks sick. 'He's not.' Chris laughs. 'I might be. Kill me if you have to. Spare him. That's ridiculous. Let-'

'-I'm afraid we cannot Mr Kendall.'

Phil looks at him.

'Chris, it's over.'

Chris opens his mouth to fight more.

He looks at Phil, he looks at the panel, and he looks at the camera.

He thinks of the man he loves.

'Okay.' He closes his eyes, and swallows. 'But listen to me one last time.'

The panel look at him expectantly. Chris completes his promise.

'Unless they kill on the outside, leave the abnormals alone. The people you attack will fight back, and that will cause deaths. You're creating problems, and brainwashed people will let you get away with it. When you scape-goat an entire group of people, wars start. When you kill people without cause, more innocents die.' Chris addresses the camera. 'This is how it starts again. Do you want that?'

The panel looks shocked awake. Eyes wide, and hurt.

One splutters out a sentence.

'End of broadcast.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

When they walk out, Jack waits for them with sympathetic looks. Jack's aura has changed colour, it's now a sickly yellow.

'I'm sorry.' Chris nods, still holding Phil's hand. 'We're going to take you on a trip now. They wanna sedate you. When you wake up, you'll be together. If you fight, you'll get nowhere.'

Chris swallows.

'So we die?'

Jack grimaces. 'You have a night together. Then one of you will go out with morning tide, and the other with the night one.'

Phil is close to tears.

'I'm sorry.' Jack tells them, and Chris thinks it's genuine. Soldier's do their job, not their morality, not what they believe.

Chris nods.

'We know.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The sedative tastes oddly sweet.

Sleep tastes sweeter.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris thinks the worst kind of nightmares are the ones you can't escape from. War is one of those, there's no end to war, a select group of people will never let it end, because it benefits them.

You're supposed to be able to escape from dreams. You're supposed to be able to get shaken awake.

If you can't escape from dreams, then dreams become life.

He's being buried alive, and dirt is filling his mouth. Every time he screams, more filth enters.

He dug his own grave.

When he can't see, scream, or breathe, he just stops moving.

He becomes a corpse.

Someone's shaking him. He opens his eyes.

This is real.

Chris looks up, it's Phil.

Phil's crying. Phil's dying.

Chris reaches up, and wraps his arms around Phil's neck. He hugs him.

He tries to find his power, but can't.

His muscles are heavy, he can barely move.

'I can't see your aura. I thought you were already dead.' Phil whispers. 

Chris puts all his effort into nodding.

'I can't move anything. The sedative...'

Chris lays back down, almost in Phil's lap.

'Are they going to kill us normal?' Phil asks, appalled.

Chris smiles. 'Looks like it.'

Phil's propped up against a wall. They both are having issues moving. They can talk, that's all they need.

Phil grimaces.

'Do you remember what Marzia would have said to that?' Phil asks.

Chris looks up into his eyes.

'We're always abnormal-'

'-Don't let it define you.' Phil finishes. 'Do you remember what Felix's reaction to that would have been?'

Chris grins. 'A swear word.'

Phil forcs a smile, and swallows the lump in his throat. He puts every once of energy he has into moving his hand to the top of Chris's head.

'If I had to do this with anyone, I'm glad it was you.' Phil tells him. He laughs. 'I've always been with you.' 

'It's poetic.' Chris chokes back.

He senses how this is going to go. Phil needs words, he'll give him words.

'It is.' Phil responds.

'Phil.'

'Yes?'

'Philly?'

Phil rolls his eyes. 'Yes?'

Chris smirks at him. 'Tell me about Felix and Marzia again.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Phil speaks with such passion and animation, that Chris forgets he's as paralyzed as him.

Phil frowns after he speaks of Marzia's funeral.

'What?' Chris chokes out, his mouth doesn't like it.

'I-I-I'

'Yes?'

'That's not the end.' Phil admits.

Chris manages a frown. 'But that's all you ever tell me.'

Phil grimaces. 'It was all I was ever allowed to tell you. I didn't know how to say, so I never did.'

Chris's mouth falls open. 'Tell me now.'

Phil looks at him.

'Felix and Marzia were starting to work for the other nation. When Felix got killed, they killed Marzia to keep the secret. I found out two years ago, a guy told me halfway through our torture session.' Phil bites his lip. 'Like it was so important...'

Chris's mouth stays open. He can hear his heartbeat.

'...They were traitors.'

Phil shakes his head. 'They wanted out. They wanted lives.'

The first tears.

'We had lives.' Chris retorts. 'We had lives together.' 

'That's exactly it. Why I didn't want to tell you, in case you threw a beehive at me or something. Chris...When they got out, they were going to take us with them.'

Chris's heart stops. He closes his eyes.

'What?'

'We were a part of the deal. Our freedom, and their freedom. Then Felix died and it went to shit, we were so close...'

_So close to getting out._

If any sentence could sum up Chris's life.

Chris could have escaped the war and world that savaged him.

Chris nods. 'You didn't tell me because you knew I wouldn't want to think about that...' Phil nods. Chris reaches out, it hurts, and takes Phil's hand. 'Thank you.'

Tears keep spilling. 'I'm so sorry Chris.'

'Thank you Philip Lester. For everything.' Chris tells him. 'Thank you for being my best friend, my reasoning-' Chris laughs. '-Though that didn't always work. Thank you.'

Phil looks at him with wide eyes.

'They said my full name.' Phil states with shock.

Chris laughs. 'Yes?'

'Chris, they said Chris.'

Chris sees it.

'That's my name? I'm just Chris.'

Phil smiles again.

'You were right all along.'

Oddly enough, it feels like a weight off of Chris's chest.

He knows who he is, he knows who he loves, he knows what he stands for.

He's Chris Kendall, he loves his friends and his lover, and he stands for the ending of every piece of pain the people he loves has to suffer. He stands for the ending of war. He stands for every right he didn't have. He stands for freedom, and love, and strength.

All in time to die.

He condemned himself to save others. He thought he had to, he can see the stupidity in it, if he'd saved himself, he wouldn't be here.

Chris squeezes Phil's hand.

'Thank you Phil.'

Phil pauses.

'Thank you too, Chris, not Christopher, Kendall.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Phil, do you remember that day that all the fire users destroyed the cameras?'

'We were playing, and then Marzia was there. She grabbed one of our hands each and kept us close.'

'Then Felix showed up.'

'And he gave me a piggy back.'

Chris grins. 'And Marzia couldn't carry me.'

'And we went to the roof. And all the fire users went there after they did it.' Phil adds.

'And they tried to block the door.' Chris is struggling with words again.

'You turned around, and you asked Felix to move them. He did. And you sealed that door easily, like you were knocking over a pack of cards.'

'And Felix put a hand on each of my shoulders, and told me I was going to be a great man someday.' Chris flinches.

'You didn't let him down.'

'I hope I didn't.'

'You did your best. That's all he would have wanted.'

'Are you sure?'

'I'm sure.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Phil and Chris don't dare linger on sadness.

They run through subjects with realism.

It's their last time together. They can't waste it.

Phil cries with giggles.

They grin at shared moments and touching memories.

They do the last thing in the power, they laugh in the face of death.

As the night progresses, Chris leans on the wall next to Phil.

They embrace. Arms wrapped around bodies, their last wish.

When they hear footsteps, Phil starts to cry. Chris tries to wipe his tears away.

The footsteps stop outside their cell.

'No.' Phil sobs. 'Please.'

'It'll be okay Philly. It'll be over soon and it'll hurt less.' Tears start running down Chris's face. 'Please don't cry, you're making me cry.' Chris whimpers. 'Please don't cry.'

The cell door opens.

Chris takes one last look at Phil. He forces himself to stand up, he can hear Phil crying. 

The soldier says something that Chris would kill him for, if he could.

'Not you.'

Chris, and the soldier look at Phil.

Chris shakes his head.

'No.' Chris protests weakly.

He puts his body between them.

Chris is weak on his feet, when the soldier pushes him aside. He can't stay up.

He hits his head on the concrete floor. Chris becomes dizzy.

'Chris!'

The soldier picks Phil up and drags him out.

'Chris!'

'Phil!'

Phil outstretches one arm to him, then he's out of sight. The door begins to close.

'Phil! No!'

Chris doesn't ever get a response.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris hasn't moved for a couple of days.

Rather, it feels like days.

The sun rose.

Chris threw up.

His best friend is dead.

He spends the time he has thinking through a fog. He keeps his lips pressed to his bracelet. He wonders if it could work like a rosary, the things that Tyler showed him in one of the books from before any wars. Could he pray? Would he burn?

Chris wonders what life would have been like before the wars, whether this stuff was normal.

Did people die and get tortured? Did people get sent to war at the age of twelve? Did anyone do anything about it?

The sun is starting to go down.

Chris is a mix of scared, and accepting. There's nothing else he can do. He's failed Phil, but Phil will be waiting for him. Wherever they go, they go together. Chris made his fate from the get go, he made this fate when he decided that the new abnormals were worth saving. 

He counts regrets. He counts dreams. He counts risks that he should have taken. 

He doesn't want to leave everyone else behind.

He wants to see if Tyler becomes a dad someday, like he always wanted to.

He wants to see if Louise ever has that daughter that she told him she dreams of, that imaginary girl.

He wants to see if his parents miss him.

He wants to meet Pj's friends. He wants to kiss Pj again.

He wants everything but the hand he's been dealt. It's not fair.

Chris Kendall finds no shame in crying.

The sun is gone.

Chris wonders if his friends will forget him. He hopes they do.

There's footsteps.

He prays, for the first time in years, he prays for the people he loves.

The door opens.

'Time to go.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Oddly enough, the woman at the giving of their verdicts was right.

Chris is okay with the way he's dying.

He's not okay with the timing or the reason.

But he's dying a death of symbolism, with no blood running down his face and no bullets in him.

There is some blood on his arms, which are pinned behind his back, though. They cut him, it's supposed to allow a more direct path for the sea to cleanse.

Chris becomes even more okay with the way he's dying, when the soldier that ties him to a wooden pole leaves him.

Of course, Chris has no power. He has no method of escape. He's as trapped as always. 

He tried to fight against his restraints, but he's tied to the pole around his waist. His hands are tied together. This rope is strong, they've done it the way he would have.

Chris can assess a situation, and he knows doom.

He's okay with doom, if the doom's private.

Chris can feel Pj's bracelet, it presses into his skin because of the rope.

He's so glad for it.

Chris is done.

He smiles.

He's done. He's finished. No more stress. No more pain.

He stops looking around himself for escape, and he enjoys death.

There's a light in the distance and it reflects beautifully on that thing he missed so much.

The ocean is so close. It will be touching him soon. A fatal salty kiss.

Chris closes his eyes and he counts.

He counts the waves he hears.

He smells the salt and the beach.

If Chris inches his feet from left to right, he can feel sand beneath his toes. He can't remember taking his shoes off. Tiny blessings. You have to count the tiny blessings.

He missed the sea, so much.

It's time for the ocean to take him away.

Finally, it's at his toes. The water is cold and dark.

Chris doesn't resist, he keeps his feet planted to the ground.

Would his mum be proud of him? Would his dad understand why he's giving up? Would his sister, if he has one, care?

Would Phil want him to fight until his last breath?

'He's dead.'

A wave washes over his feet.

Tears run down Chris's face.

'Phil's dead.' Chris whispers.

A tear drops into the ocean.

Nobody will ever know that's a tear. Blood is red, when he bleeds into the ocean, they'll see it.

They'll never know about that tear.

Chris thinks that's funny.

The bad that Chris has done, is obvious to see.

But Chris thinks that he's done some good, and that's more subtle.

If his good was blood and his bad was tears, he probably wouldn't be here. He'd have never had thought of himself as a monster. He'd never have realized that he never actually lived. He never would have fought for the more-than-survivors. He'd have rather have keep his promises than die like this. 

If things were different, he'd be safe in Pj's arms, laughing.

He's something good Chris has done. Pj's alive.

And so's Emma.  
  
Dan.

Troye.

Zoe.

All of his friends are alive, and Chris helped. 

God, he regrets saying he was going to die for them. Shit like that makes guilt worse. It felt right. Chris made a mistake. He can't ever take that back. Chris's breath hitches, but he knows what Pj would say. Chris has moments left to live, and he knows what Pj would say to his mistakes. 

_Let them go._

The water has risen to his shin. Tides are more extreme this time of year.

Chris doesn't know how long he's got.

Chris thinks about Phil.

In hindsight, Chris is glad Phil went first.

Phil didn't have to know Chris died.

And if there is an afterlife, Phil's there waiting for him. Chris is selfish, but he likes that.

Chris hears Phil's laughter in his ears, and tastes the marshmallows they used to burn. He remembers they vodka they drank, he remembers Phil's reaction to it.

He remembers the first time Phil beat him in a fight.

He tries to remember the first time Phil called him his best friend, but it's gone.

The water is crawling up his thigh.

Chris remembers his other friends.

He remembers saving Tyler that night.

He remembers saving Louise, and losing all of the others. Chris closes his eyes, as he feels that guilt all over again.

Chris was there the first time Jack met Dean. History was made, Chris bore witness.

Fire, Chris thinks of Mitchell's literal and metaphorical fire. How he burned and burned.

Laughter, Chris thinks back to the first time he met Mamrie. Hannah's puns. Grace's sarcasm.

Then there's everyone's highlights. They all fly to him. The stuff he's going to miss.

Connor's kindness.

Olga's humor.

Caspar's laugh.

Joe's eye roll.

The water reaches his hips.

His thought trail gets derailed.

Some water flicks up, and he can feel it on his neck.

Pj.

Pj Liguori.

He knows his full name, it was on his folder, but he's Pj. The same way that Chris is Chris.

In a simpler world, he could have loved him forever. 

Phil Lester was a weakness that was given to him.

Pj Liguori was a weakness that he found.

He wishes, more than anything he wishes, Pj finds happiness. Be it with someone else, or with friends, or alone.

Actually not alone, Pj shouldn't be alone.

Chris hopes he has kids that run around and cause a riot. He hopes that Pj tells dad jokes and his kids hate it. He hopes they have their Uncle Dan, or at least that Dan's okay.

The water creeps up. His timeline begins to end.

'Before you die, I've been told, you see the people you love most.'

Chris speaks to a devouring ocean. The sea is cutting into his open wounds, and it stings.

'I've been told that all of my life, and I wonder now, if the fucking world will keep one promise for me.'

The water is coming up faster and faster. It's reaching his neck, constantly over his chest.

Water is getting into his mouth. Chris knows that these will be his last words. He says them quietly.

'I'm so sorry.' 

He starts crying again.

He heaves air into his lungs, his body wants to float but it can't.

It's stuck.

Chris throws his head back. 

The waves keep on coming.

_This is it._

Chris looks up, and he sees the moon. Maybe the people he loves can see it too.

Chris takes one last gulp of air.

He's submerged.

He waits to see if it's true, will he see them? Will he see the people he loves? Like Marzia said? His eyes sting, but if he closes them, he could miss them.

His chest begins to burn, he lets out a small bit of air.

He's getting dizzy, the pressure becomes too much, he lets out the rest.

When he tilts his head back, all he gets is water.

He gasps anyway, his bodies not in control anymore.

He tries to choke, but he can't.

Chris is on fire, ironic when he's drowning.

He panics, screaming without air.

The water is dark, and the world goes darker.

He sees Phil.

Phil's standing in the distance, like he's dry. He's smiling. He waves his hand.

Chris carries on screaming.

Then Phil is gone, and he's reappeared closer. He's mouthing words.

 _'It's okay.'_ Over and over.

Phil goes.

Chris gets a glimpse of a blurred Troye. Chris is kicking back and forth. An outline of Dan. Vague familiar shapes of people he loved, the rest of his pupils, Zoe, Emma. Tyler is there for a split second, Mitchell appears and vanishes. Louise, Jack, Dean.

Chris can't move.

The world is about to go fully dark.

He didn't know how many people he loved.

He waits. 

Pj is in front of him. Smile wide, and as comforting as always. 

Pj kisses his lips.

Chris stops seeing. 


	8. Chapter 8

Chris is dead.

Pj pulls the bottle to his mouth again.

Chris is dead.

He starts sobbing again. He's so fucking sick of this. He's sick of things being shit, getting better, and then worse.

He loves him. Loved him? Same thing right?

The alcohol in his hand lost its taste a while back, before the sun set and Pj was still alone.

Chris kissed his bracelet. Chris kissed him. He remembered to do that. He gave Pj something when most people would have given up.

Phil looked ready to give in. Pj thinks he probably knew about his fate before he walked in. Chris looked scared, not surprised.

Chris said such beautiful words.

There's been no trials since, that word coming back. They're coming to a decision, a verdict.

Who gave them the power to kill without guilt?

Even Pj doesn't have that, and he was under orders, his was defense.

He laughs. This probably counts as wider defense, saving the 'new nation' from the worst of the old one.

Chris is dead.

Chris died just long enough for Pj to love him, but not show it.

Pj knows a lot about choice.

Choice is so key, that when you have it, you forget you do. In a way, loving Chris was the best choice he ever made, and if he had it, he'd stay with him for as long Chris wanted him.

When you lose choice, you're left with guilt, and that sick feeling. Everything feels wrong. You can't help but question yourself. 

You need to fight for choice. 

Pj made the choice to allow himself to fall for him. Pj would have done that for Chris in a heartbeat, in however long it takes Dan to light a match.

Chris is dead. His death was someone else's choice.

Someone chose to scar him, and to scar every single person Chris has ever saved.

Pj takes a drink again. His head is fuzzy. This is supposed to be numbing the pain, if anything it's highlighting it.

Look at the boy that's damaged and in love.

Look at the boy that hasn't spoken to his family.

Look at the boy that's got everything back that he wanted, but not the thing he depended on. The person that let him sleep is dead. The person that helped him become strong, and as a result has weakened him, is gone.

Now Pj has a family that doesn't know how to deal with him, a friend that's as damaged as him, and this bottle.

Pj drinks until he falls asleep.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Oh Pj...'

Sophie looks down on her best friend with heartbreak in her chest.

He's a mess, literally and figuratively.

Jamie peeks in. He carries the same look.

Louis comes out of Dan's room.

'Is he...'

Sophie grimaces. 'Bad.' Jamie nods.

Louis walks behind the two of them. He places a hand on the small of Sophie's back, out of Jamie's sight.

Louis analyzes Pj for a second.

'Dan's much the same.' Louis states.

Jamie swallows. 'How do we help them?'

Sophie answers. 'I-I-I don't know. I wouldn't have even known what was wrong without Ingrid...'

Louis moves his hand so it's resting on her hip, he pulls her a little closer. He doesn't know if it's for his benefit or hers.

Pj murmurs in his sleep again.

Sophie shuts her eyes.

When she opens them, she's a different Sophie. She steps away from Louis, and turns to the other two.

'Alright, Jamie, run a bath. I don't give a shit if it's cold.'

Jamie accepts it, and walks away.

Sophie turns to Louis.

'We're going to have to convince them to get in it. Even if we can't help their fucking mental health, I can make sure they're clean. I can take care of them physically.'

Louis smiles at her.

'Should I take Dan or Peej?' Louis asks.

Sophie looks down at Pj.

'I'll take him. You go get Dan.'

Louis leaves, and Sophie turns to her friend.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Dan is easily shaken awake. Louis offers him a glass of water, Dan takes it.

He drinks it .

They were suffocated in this.

'Dan, I know this is hard. But we need to clean you up...'

'You want me to get clean don't you?' Dan demands. Louis nods.

'It's for the best.'

Dan laughs. They don't even know the details. Dan and Pj had just walked past them day before yesterday, and came here. They haven't left since.

They won't show their deaths, they've seen the last of Chris and Phil.

Dan stops laughing when he sees the kindness on Louis's face.

'Are you in love Louis?' Dan whispers.

Louis frowns. 'What-'

'Are you in love?'

'...Yes.'

Dan laughs again.

'Keep them close. People get lost so easily...Hold on to love. '

Louis frowns at him.

'I'm trying.'

Dan chuckles.

'We all are.'

Louis gives him a smile.

'Will you have a bath so Sophie doesn't shout at me? That'd be trying.' Louis jokes.

Dan smiles. 'I'm a little more self serving than that. But yeah, I will.'

They hear Sophie scream.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Sophie lays on the bed beside Pj, not touching him. She lays sideways, looking at his face. She can smell his breath.

'Peej.'

Pj is asleep on his front.

'Peej Liguori.'

She reaches out and shakes his shoulder.

Pj's eyes fly open.

He kicks her off the bed, and grabs the bottle. She lands on the floor, hitting her head on the bedside cabinet.

He's about to glass her when he realizes that she's screamed.

That scream belongs to Sophie.

'Soph?'

Sophie is breathing heavily.

Louis runs into the room. Pj looks down at her.

She's bleeding. Her hand touching the back of her head, and coming back bloody.

Pj's mouth falls open. He pushes himself back, away from the blood and the pain. He starts crying.

When he hits the wall, he tucks himself into a ball and starts sobbing.

Louis runs to her, gently he leans her up. He looks into her eyes.

'Let me look at it. Okay Beautiful?' Louis instructs.

He pulls her forward so she's away from the table. Dan walks in, he's struggling to stay upright.

Louis moves around her, gently moving her hair out of the way. Jamie comes behind Dan, and pushes his way in.

'What happened?' Jamie demands.

'Peej hurt her.' Louis answers angrily. Sophie winces again, Louis has blood on him too. 'Go get help.' Louis instructs.

'Let Pj heal her.' Dan interrupts.

Jamie seems stuck at the door frame. Louis's eyes burn.

Sophie bites her lip.

'Peej...' She looks up at the shadow of her best friend. 'Can you do that?'

Pj looks at her with wide eyes, he's hidden behind his knees.

He nods.

Sophie smiles at him. Louis holds her close, outraged. 

Sophie outstretches a hand to him. It's got her blood on it.

Pj nearly cries, but he takes it.

He feels the energy drain out of him, and into her.

Louis looks at the cut, as it becomes smaller and smaller, eventually a white line.

Louis's mouth falls slightly open.

'That's incredible.' He whispers, anger present. 

Sophie carries on holding Pj's hand. Pj is still crying.

'Thank you.'

Pj puts her hand down on the bed, and crawls back to his spot.

He still has tears on his cheek.

He puts his head down.

He wishes he could just be alone or okay. One or the other.

He rocks himself.

Blood. Sophie's blood is on his hand. Blood.

He sobs.

There's a few moments silence.

Then there's arms around him, and he's being shushed. Someone's whispering into his ear and stroking his back.

It's almost like being loved.

Give it to Sophie for being the earliest to forgive him. Pj could laugh, when Sophie forgives, the person is worthy of forgiveness, she's not stupid.

Pj closes his eyes, but she's biased.

Fake forgiveness.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Jamie and Louis watch as Sophie holds onto him. Louis thinks she's trying to give him an anchor.

He hurt her, that swims in Louis's mind.

But looking at the broken person in front of him, Louis can't expect it was on purpose.

He's not sure if that makes it better.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Dan has a bath first. It's cold, it helps with some of the hangover.

They were right, it does make him feel better.

But that knowledge rests under his skin, they're dead.

Dan closes his eyes.

Maybe they should be too.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Sophie thinks Pj only agreed to the bath because he wanted them to stop looking at him.

It's just the three of them again. Jamie, Louis, and Sophie.

They exchange looks.

Dan has just gone into his room, he didn't want eat. He claimed it would be a waste to even try.

Jamie's just glad there isn't too much work left to do, this would be even harder if they had to work.

Louis coughs. 'One of us should probably go tell them that we got them to have a bath at least, however, I would suggest not telling them about Sophie's injury.'

Jamie nods. 'We don't want them to worry?'

Sophie shakes her head. 'We don't want them to think Pj's a threat.'

Jamie puts a hand over his mouth. He sighs.

'He could be a threat.' Louis points out, trying to remain calm.

'He's suffering.' Sophie argues.

Louis looks at her, in that way she loves, but this time, it tastes bitter.

'That doesn't excuse it Sophie.' Louis answers quietly. He looks at her, and thinks of all of the faith she has. 'But, you would want him to have a second chance. So we won't tell them.'

Jamie nods. 'I'll tell them. I'll go.'

'Don't sugarcoat it. Or they won't believe you. It was an accident, remember that.' Sophie instructs.

'Okay Sophie.' Jamie turns and walks. He mumbles to himself. 'Okay.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Louis looks at her with so much conviction that Sophie wonders if she's going to end up going weak at the knees.

He walks to her, and takes her hands, they still have blood on.

'I'm so sorry.' Louis starts.

Sophie goes on her tiptoes and kisses him once.

'Don't blame yourself for that.' Sophie tells him.

He lets go of one of her hands, and puts it on her cheek.

'You got hurt.'

'And it was an accident. It could have been worse.'

Louis snarls. 'It could have never happened.'

Sophie smiles at him. 'He fixed me after.'

Louis strokes her cheek with his thumb.

'Sweetheart, I know you believe in second chances, but if he hurts you again, he's never going to get anywhere near you.'

Sophie grins and shakes her head.

'I believe in second chances, not stupidity.'

Louis smiles at her.

'There's my Sophie.'

Sophie kisses him again. The worry running in him slows down.

'I'm okay. ' She comforts him. 'It was an accident. It's been handled. I'm okay.'

He nods. He leans down, she rests their foreheads together.

'I'll give him a second chance, for you.'

'Good.'

'Sophie.' She chuckles and he feels her breath on his lower face. 'I really do love you.'

'I love you too Darling.' Sophie's smile turns to a smirk. She pulls away from Louis's face, but keeps their bodies pressed together. 'I'm glad I'm okay.'

Louis smirks back. 'Why?'

'Because it means we get to do something extra fun tonight.'

Louis grins, he takes her bait.

'Such as?'

He leans forward and whispers in his ear.

Louis's eyes widen.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj doesn't make a conscious effort to get out of the bath. His skin wrinkles.  
He's that level of hungry where it starts to reach into you. It's causing him a headache.

He just wants to get drunk again. Fuck this no hangover thing.

It's not fair. It's not fair anymore.

He hurt Sophie.

He didn't mean to. He finds himself crying again. That was one thing he had going for him, he never hurt his family. He helped them, he kept his sister alive, he wasn't that difficult to control.

If he hurts them, then everything was pointless.

Pj wants to leave. He wants to leave and never come back. He wishes he could sew his mouth shut, and maybe he'd stop making mistakes.

Of course, that would be too difficult.

Pj forces his muscles to move. He stands up. He dries himself. He puts on less dirty clothes, a mix of city made and home made.

He forces the world to fuck with him some more.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj bangs on Dan's door before letting himself in.

'You're going to eat something Spork.' Pj instructs.

Dan stares at him. 'Why should I?'

Pj raises an eyebrow at him.

'Because if you do, so will I.'

Dan stares at the vacant look on Pj's face. 

Dan forces himself to agree.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

They end up going to see Pj's mother.

Her eyes widen as she sees them. They seem like hollow people, her son is empty.

They eat. She sits at the table with them.

Silence.

'Do you want to work?' She suggests.

Dan and Pj make eye contact.

'Distraction?' Dan suggests.

Pj smiles at him, it's a fake tight one. 'Yeah.'

He's had better ones. 

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj finds moving hard. It's like what happened always there, waiting for his mind to return to it, unfinished business.

Dan and Pj isolate themselves. They work slowly.

Nobody tells them to hurry up.

Sympathy is sickly.

Ironic that Chris and Phil dying was what Pj needed to see why they didn't like sympathy. Sympathy makes you aware that you're broken, but in the end everyone, especially the broken and hurt, need kindness. 

The sun starts to go down.

'Should we go back?' Pj asks. He feels even heavier, like he could lay down for a week before finally getting back up.

Dan nods.

They walk again. There's more distance between them this time.

They don't say anything, or try to smile.

They accept each other.

Dan holds the door of their 'home' open for Pj. Pj thanks him.

They return to their rooms with few words.

Pj can hear Dan's door shut.

Pj takes off his shoes. He feels the floor beneath his feet.

He doesn't take his shirt off, it's too cold to do that without someone else in bed with him.

Pj freezes.

It's that simple thing, another thought of Chris not sleeping next to him, which sets him off into tears again.

Sophie's blood isn't on the floor like he'd thought it would be. Someone must have cleaned it. Sophie and Louis were late to work, maybe it was them.

The day builds in him, his circumstance builds in him, his pain builds in him.

He throws himself on his bed, and screams into fabric. He screams until his voice hurts.

Then he sobs.

He doesn't remember stopping sobbing, he cries himself to sleep.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj hadn't expected the next day to be worse.

But it hurts just as much.

What was it he told Phil? That if Chris died, he'd get better.

That was the death he knew.

He doesn't see how this will ever get better.

Chris knew death, he knew mourning. How could Chris do this to him?

Pj's face is blank. 

Chris, one of the strongest people Pj has ever met, should have been able to live. He was able to make sure everyone else did. He kept his promises, he became more of a hero. 

But being a hero is pointless when you're dead. What's the point is searching to become better when you're going to die anyway?

Why didn't Chris come back to him?

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The last person Pj had been expecting was his sister.

'Eva?' It's the first thing Pj's said, his throat is dry, and raw, and it hurts.

She winces. 'I'm getting you something to drink.'

Pj stays laying on the bed.

'I didn't drink any alcohol yesterday.' Pj tells her.

She shakes her head, smiling. 'Achievement, my little brother is not turning to alcoholism.'

Pj smiles too, it's not genuine.

She gets him some water from the kitchen. After a long staring match, Pj drinks it.

'Pleased?' He asks.

'Very.' She answers. She sits on the bed, by his feet. 'You know, Dan's on the field without you. He just went up started working with Jamie.' She waits for a laugh but doesn't get one. She grimaces and pulls herself back until she's leaning on the wall. 'Do you want to talk?'

'No.'

'That's a first.' Eva teases. It's her middle name, but Pj's always called her that, she's always called him Pj.

Pj smiles, and it's less forced.

'I missed you.' Pj tells her.

'That's funny, I still miss you.' Eva tells him. She looks straight at him.

'Please, don't.'

'Pj, please-'

'-Eva. Please. He's dead. Can I have a few days before you pester me into being the same person I was?' He rubs a hand over his face. 'I miss him. If you think you miss me, then you should rip out my heart and compare how much I miss him to how much you think you miss me.' A bitter laugh. 'I was never going to be the same person again. I'm abnormal.' 

She scrunches her face up.

'How can I ever make it up to you? How can I ever thank you enough for saving me and going through all this?'

He looks at her.

He sees her guilt. She's the reason he's different. She's the reason he went to war, met Chris, fought, lost.

He smiles at a happy memory of Chris, the first one since he died, that first day, meeting Chris, he talked about Eva.

He repeats Chris's words.

'You can thank me by living.'

She stares at him for a moment, she doesn't understand how precious those words are.

'I will.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj can't sleep that night.

If he sits on the right spot on his bed, he can see the night sky.

The darkness brings him comfort, no one's watching him.

In the darkness, he's free.

He's not free from the weights he's put on himself, but from the other ones. He doesn't feel good, he feels less bad.

He'll take it. Less bad isn't tears on his cheeks, it isn't screaming. Less bad is still not wanting to play that guitar, or hear music. Less bad is manageable.

He lays down, and he closes his eyes.

That night, he doesn't have a nightmare.

He has a dream that he's in a field that's the same colour as glass, and his guilt is gone. His guitar is in his hands. He's how he used to be.

It's the most disturbing dream yet.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'How are you feeling?'

'Not quite up for a monologue.' Louis frowns. Pj rolls his eyes, then realizes he's being a hypocrite. 'Not quite up for talking about myself. You?'

Louis has a small smile. 'I feel pretty good actually.'

Pj frowns at him out of confusion. _What the fuck was that?_

Pj shrugs it off. Finding out would be effort, and effort makes him feel sick.

'I guess that's good. Are your parents still taking care of the animals?' Pj asks. He hasn't seen that many recently.

'Just sheep.' Louis answers. 'Just for wool too. They decided when you left to sell the cows to next door, they were thinking about it and they needed the money.'

Pj frowns. 'What for?'

'Eva's medical stuff. They thought her scar was going to get infected.'

Pj freezes. That's his fault.

'Oh...'

'It's fine.' Louis attempts to comfort him. He's taking Sophie's words to heart, Pj is suffering. Louis struggles with kindness when he remembers Sophie screaming. 'Honestly. It was. Besides, sheep are less hassle.'

Pj nods.

'Okay.'

Louis attempts to give him a bigger smile.

'Plenty of work to do. If you're up for it?'

Pj's bored, and tired of being tired.

'Sure.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

When Dan offers him a smile, Pj smiles back.

The reaction was so quick, that Pj forgot to fake it.

He holds back tears and carries on smiling.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Time got fluid.

The day dragged on and on until Pj felt like a skeleton, or just it's bones.

When the sun set, Pj felt it all over again. Two days.

Go back a month, Pj might have been with everyone right now. He might have been next to Chris. He would have been happy.

He didn't realize that people could change this quickly.

He goes back to his bed without a word.

He's losing grip of reality.

He pushes the front door, looking behind him, he sees that no-one followed him.

Good. It's good that they didn't.

Pj runs to his room in the end. This darkness feels like it's attacking him.

He retrieves a bottle from a cupboard. He double checks that it's what he desires, which is anything alcoholic.

He takes a large gulp.

He feels a bit braver. He walks to his room.

He sits on the floor, with his back to a wardrobe.

He drinks in heavy silence and darkness.

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj gets bored easily.

He looks at the bottle.

The world is cold, it hasn't rained tonight.

Dan and Louis came home a while ago. They didn't check on him.

Pj's bored, so he decides to go for a walk.

He gets to his feet. He used to do this all the time. He'd walk when he didn't know what to do, and he'd come back with an answer.

Pj's not intending on how to find the answer to Chris being dead. But he'll walk anyway.

The door swings when he pushes it. The liquid in the bottle sloshes around, making noises of tiny contained waves.

Chris drowned.

Pj feels sick, again.

He steps out onto the ground. He looks from his right to his left.

He spots a light in the distance, a small light, in the woods.

Pj shrugs before walking to it, it's not like he cares if he dies.

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The light source isn't as distant as he thought.

She's sitting at the edge of the woods. A box of matches in one hand. She's lighting them, letting them burn, and dropping them.

Pj's seen her go through three matches. He decides to speak up.

'You're Emily Kendall.'

She jumps, looking up at him. She's ready to fight.

Pj can only sees ways in which she looks like Chris. What a mess.

She's hyperventilating.

'Pj Liguori.'

Pj smiles, and bows. She laughs too. It's half-hearted from both parties.

Pj speaks quietly.

'Do you want to tell me why you're here?'

'No.'

Pj laughs.

'Tell me why you're here.'

A pause.

'I needed to get out.' She responds. 'They won't stop fucking breaking down and I don't need that shit.'

Pj nods, he can get that.

'Why here?'

'They won't look for me here, and it's quiet.'

Pj looks out at what she can see. She's sitting sideways facing. Half facing into the woods, and half over-looking Pj's farm.

'Mind if I join you?'

'You going to cry?'

'Not planning on it.'

'Feel free.'

He does exactly that. He sits a log over, looking at her and the woods. He turns his back to where he came from.

He drinks again.

She squints at him. Pj's trying to picture them together. He can see it, and it's heartbreaking.

'Can I have some of that?'

Pj looks her over, and then passes the bottle.

He drinks more than Pj, she can handle her drink.

'Your brother did a lot of stupid stuff when he was drunk.'

She chokes. Pj closes his eyes.

'Sorry! I wasn't thinking-' Pj starts. 

'-I knew you knew him. But geez, ever heard of subtlety?'

Pj chuckles. 'I'm not well acquainted with it.'

She smirks at him, same smirk as Chris.

_Stop comparing them._

'Could be a good thing. Draws us to the meat of the conversation, doesn't it?'

Pj frowns, he takes the bottle back from her. He nearly drops it, she catches it.

'Does it?'

She smiles at him, shaking her head.

'You want to talk about Chris. My parents want to talk about Chris. Everyone in the fucking world wants to talk about Chris.' She snarls. 'My big brother.' She reverts back to a quieter tone. 'I don't remember him Pj. Believe me, I wish I did. I wish I could say that him being dead is totally going to fuck me over, but it won't.'

Pj nods. He can understand this.

'They mourn him.' He states, prompting her.

'They've pretended he's been dead for twenty years. Why does it change now?'

Pj frowns.

'Because an act isn't real. What we pretend to be, isn't real-'

'-And that's okay. But fucking commit.'

Pj laughs. 'Can I say something horrible?'

She raises an eyebrow at him. 'Shoot.'

'You remind me of him.'

She rolls her eyes, and sighs.

'That is horrible.'

'It's not.' Pj defends. 'Your brother was good.'

She laughs, bitterly.

'He killed a lot of people-'

'-He saved just as many. He saved me, and my four friends. He saved his friends, over and over again. He saved citizens. He did it all, but in the end, he was like you.' Pj defends.

She scowls at him. 'What does that mean?'

Pj smiles, and means it.

'For all of his charms, for all of his good deeds, for all of what made him Chris, Chris still focused on the death count too.'

She stops scowling, her eyebrows raise as she takes the knowledge in.

'Did you know him well?' She questions, unsure.

Pj nods once. 'Yeah. I think I know him pretty well.'

She nods, her features turn to steel. She looks away into the woods.

'Could you...Could you tell me about him?'

Pj smiles. He'd like her.

'What do you want to know?'

She snorts. 'How the fuck do I know? All I know about Chris was that he was an odd six year old and that when I got a cold once, he got sick too because he kept trying to make me better.' She laughs again. 'I know fuck all about him yet I supposed to mourn him! How am I meant to mourn for-'

'-Your brother was funny. Intelligent. And completely mad.' She looks at him with wide eyes. 'The first time I met him, he pretended to be one of us. He wanted to get a better read of us...' Pj chuckles to himself. 'Or give us trust issues.'

'I was about to say...'

Pj laughs. 

'Your brother could be a bit of a prick, so can everyone. He wanted to save the world before he saved himself, and whilst that's admirable-'

'-It gets you killed.' 

Pj nods, a fake smile. 

'We've got him to prove it.'

She swallows.

'Carry on?'

'Your brother was caring. He had a best friend called Phil. They grew up together.' Pj decides to add the extra truth. 'They were each other's family.'

Her mouth falls open. 'He wasn't alone?'

Pj shakes his head. 'No. He mostly wasn't. Chris was powerful, and smart... When he was twelve, they made him a soldier-'

'-Did you say twelve?' She demands.

Pj bites his lip and nods. 'It was disgusting, that it happened, but it did. Chris pulled through.'

'...Twelve.' She whispers.

Pj gets so lost in the idea of Chris, that the bad feeling goes away.

'Then they moved him into like, super covert stuff in the other nation. I think that's where most of his guilt came from.' Pj speaks in quiet tones. 'I think he got a bit into religion, but he never really explicitly told us about that. '

'Religious?' She inquires.

Pj huffs. 'Not really. He liked the ideas.'

She nods slowly. 'What next?'

'He did more covert stuff but in bigger groups.' Pj promptly answers. 'He made friends. Loads of super cool friends that he had tons of fun with, they were all abnormal. But Chris was special, because he didn't have an element, Chris was an abnormal abnormal.'

'I know that.'

'It's worth repeating.'

'Tell me more.'

'His friends helped him. I think he got over a bit of his guilt. Not all of it.' Pj shuts his eyes. 'Never all of it.'

'Anything else?'

Pj smiles.

'So much. Chris was told he had to be a teacher, which he wasn't fond of-'

'-Can't say I blame him.'

'Aw, that's not fair. Have you even met me?'

She giggles. 'Shut up.'

A few moments silence.

'He taught us. And then he had a mission, the mission went wrong, him and three of his friends were the only ways that made it back to base alive.'

She looks appalled, as she should.

'Did the-'

'-The others. We're unsure about. Some of them definitely lived, we've seen their trials. Some of them, we haven't seen.' Pj shuts his eyes. 'Chris blamed himself for losing them. He might have died thinking they were all dead.'

Emily's heart breaks for her imaginary brother.

'That's awful.'

Pj opens his eyes. He nods.

'I tried to help.'

He looks at her for a few moments in silence, and debates telling her the whole truth.

She stares back.

'What?'

Pj swallows. What harm could it do?

'It was about then that we started our relationship.' Pj drops the bomb.

Her eyes widen. Her mouth drops. After a second, her face scrunches.

'You were together?' She demands.

Pj nods. 'I loved him, and he loved me.' Pj shuts his eyes. 'Until death do us part.'

The old marriage vow. Still going, even after two wars. Most people find it beautiful, Pj finds it morbid.

'Oh Pj...'

Pj smiles.

'It's okay.' He returns to the story. 'We kept us secret. He was my teacher, and that wasn't necessarily encouraged. But we weren't illegal, we were fucking adults for fucks sake.'

'Poetry.' Emily comments. Pj laughs, and means it.

He stops laughing, and there's more silence.

'They told us we had two weeks until the front-line. We were barely trained.' Pj looks her dead in the eyes. 'If you need to know anything about your brother, know this, Chris got me, and all of his friends, through that battle. We all lived, to the best of my knowledge. He was a great man, a great one. So hell bent on his goals that he died in the process, and I hate him for it, but I was lucky to have loved him.' Pj starts to cry silently.

She reaches out after a moment, and places a hand on his knee.

'Looks like he was lucky to have had you too. At least he had that, I'm glad he wasn't just...'

Pj wipes at his tears. 'Just what?'

'Another soldier.'

The words sting, but Pj lets it slide.

'He was brilliant.'

She smiles. 'I know he was clever. I saw his trial. That speech he gave? The one that's put all the trials on hold? That's something I was proud of.'

Pj frowns. 'The trials.'

She frowns at him, but carries on smiling.

'The abnormal trials? They're coming to a lot of decisions, they've dealt with the 'bigger threats'. There's talk of mass freedom for those that are left.'

'Do you think it'll happen?' Pj asks with awe. Pj realizes why he feels better, not good but better, she's not treating him like glass.

She shrugs. Pulling back away.

'Who knows?'

Pj smiles. 'Not me.'

She looks back over the woods. 'Maybe my brother will leave a good mark on history.'

Pj stops crying completely.

'King of the abnormals.' He jokes.

'Master of the strange.' She plays along.

'Head of us freaks.' Pj completes.

He looks behind him at the farm.

He frowns, seeing a figure walking towards the house he's staying in.

He stares, trying to see who they are.

They turn.

Sophie.

But why is Sophie out this late?...

'Pj, I should go home before they find me gone.' She is still looking at the woods. Pj turns to her. 'Thank you.'

'It's a non-issue. Come find me again sometime.' Pj instructs.

'I will.'

She hugs him, it must last seconds.

Pj watches her go into the woods and onto her way home.

He turns and looks at the house he came from. It's still and dark, silent and welcoming.

He frowns, where's Sophie? Had he imagined her?

Honestly, if he's seeing things, what's he going to do next?

He shakes his head and forgets it, he heads back to the house.

He doesn't know how to feel again.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj walks into the house. Not home.

Pj is used to darkness.

Sophie's not here.

'Am I going insane?' Pj asks the empty room.

He laughs to himself, he's still managed to keep the bottle in his hand. He unscrews the lid and chugs back the remnants, before leaving it on the table in front of him.

Pj starts laughing.

'Well I am talking to myself.'

He carries on laughing, it fills that empty space in him.

'And I'm the funniest one here.'

He laughs for a few more seconds, quieter, and quieter, until his laughter drags into silence and Pj is left standing alone.

A tap drips.

Water.

Chris.

Pj shuts his eyes, assaulted by thoughts.

He hates how much he thinks. He wishes he could stop thinking.

Pj smirks. Maybe one day he will.

The tap drips again and Pj heads to his bedroom.

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj can't sleep for thoughts of blood and the quiet.

He practically starts crying at the irony of what he's about to do.

The suns going to come up soon, the sky has gone one shade lighter.

Pj steps out of his room and into the hallway. He takes a few steps across to Dan's door.

Pj knocks, he leans his head on the door for a moment. He's so tired of being awake.

He pushes the door open after he hears a 'W-W-Who's there?'

Pj can just about make out Dan's features. Dan's not smiling.

'Peej?'

Pj keeps a hand on the door. He needs to force the words out, like vomit.

'Can I sleep here?'

Dan frowns before he nods.

'Not like I'm going to say no, is it?'

Pj smiles.

'Sorry.'

He shuts the door, and makes his way to the bed. Dan shuffles back to give him space.

'I wouldn't say no Peej.'

Pj sits on the side of the bed, getting ready to lay down.

'I know...but still. Sorry.'

Dan smiles at him.

'It's okay Peej.'

Pj lays down, he wiggles to find comfort. He chooses his side, Dan's on his side behind him. He lays still, keeping his eyes wide open.

'I just couldn't sleep.'

Dan stops forcing a smile. Pj can't see his efforts. Dan doesn't feel like smiling anymore.

'You smell like drink.' Dan states.

Pj snorts. 'I know.' Pj snarks in response.

Dan grimaces.

'Don't drink to forget them Peej. That's not a good road to start on.'

'What else can I do? I can't bring them, him, back. I can't fucking do anything except die on this farm.' Pj's tone is bitter and angry.

Dan stays silent for a long moment.

'I think we just have to live through it.' Dan is close to tears. 'I think we have to just...be in pain for a while.'

Pj closes his eyes to not cry.

'I don't want to live through it. I want it all back, or I wish I'd gone instead of them. I want anything but this.' Pj has a tear on his cheek. 'And have I mentioned how super fucking sick I am of crying about it?'

'No, but it makes sense.' Dan smiles, it's a tight lipped one. It's not happy. 'Phil and Chris would have wanted it to be them. They would have said something about how we know how to live out here, and they don't. This is the way they would have wanted it-'

'-I don't give a shit about how they would have wanted it. They deserved to make it, nobody deserved to kill them off. Who gave them the right to die before us? Who have they ever hurt?'

'Well...'

'Except the people they were ordered to kill. Have they ever plotted a murder? Chris and Phil were-' Pj takes a moment to breath and emphasize. 'So many things. Killers, yes. Murders, not so much.'

Dan frowns at Pj's unintentional hypocrisy.

'Pj, they're dead. We can't fight for them anymore.'

'But I want to! I want to-' The floodgates burst. Pj starts sobbing. 'I want to fight until they're not fucking choking on water! I want to fight until they're not under the sea! I want...I want...'

'Them back.' Dan fills in the space for him. 'Pj, it's not going to happen. Do you know what can happen?'

'What?' Pj demands.

'We can fight for our own lives.' Dan whispers.

Pj tries to stop crying, he's holding back his breaths, he's close to hyperventilating.

He speaks again after a long moment.

'Is that enough?' Pj asks.

Dan doesn't smile.

'Sometimes. It's all you have.'  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

A short while later, Dan falls back asleep.

With someone next to him, someone there to look over him, Pj finds he can too.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Sophie is laying directly next to Louis again, close to him, the way she likes it. The night was cold, they'd had to put their clothes back on.

He's been a lot more clingy the last few days, ever since Pj hurt her and healed her. Sophie's told him over and over again that she's fine. Louis doesn't like seeing people getting hurt, especially not people he loves.

She's proud of him for not lashing out at Pj, for listening to her. Neither of them like being told what to do.

They should get ready to go work.

Sophie's finding no will to move. She just wants to stay here.

When she's with him, all her insecurities shrink until the only thing she feels if happy.

When she's having to pretend, they come back vengeful and ready to fight. They make her doubt her judgement, their decision to do this.

And she doesn't want to feel bad.

So she kisses him, she kisses him with her whole heart.

When he kisses back, she's on fire.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Jamie walks out to meet everyone for the days work.

He'd expected to be the last. He's the first.

He rolls his eyes.

It's alright for Dan and Pj to be late, they're going through a lot. Jamie would never expect complete punctuality from either of them.

Sophie and Louis have no excuse. He's not aware of any massive emotional, and maybe even physical, traumas either of them have had.

He turns to see Eva already at work. She looks up at him and smiles, noticing the absences.

'Work with me?' She asks.

Jamie smiles before agreeing.  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Things tend to get pretty out of hand pretty quickly with Louis and Sophie.

She'd started off kissing him. Now clothes are coming off.

This is stupid, if they push limits, they could be found.

Nothing feels better than this.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj finally wakes up.

He looks out of the window, and then he looks at the time.

'We should be working.'

'I didn't want to wake you.'

'You should of.'

'How could I?'

Pj huffs out a laugh. He moves, allowing Dan to finally get out of bed.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Sophie climbs into Louis's lap and he never wants her to move.

Except like that.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

They lay next to each other, as close to satisfied as possible.

'Someone's going to realize we're here...' Louis starts. Sophie rolls her eyes and kisses him. He moans against her mouth. Their lips make a soft noise whilst he turns his head to talk. 'Soph...' She pulls his face to hers and kisses him again.

'It's not my fault you're hot.'

Louis raises an eyebrow at her.

'It'll be your fault if we get caught.' Louis tells her.

She smirks.

'Oh, because all of that was a one person job.' She snarks. Louis laughs.

'I think we were both solid contributors.'

'Then kiss me.'

He smiles, before pecking her cheek with a kiss, and then the corner of her mouth.

'We'll put on some clothes. And then we'll do that. Then if we get caught, we'll have plausible deniability, however, I'm not that good of a liar.'

'I'll lie for you.'

He laughs again.

'Where have you been all my life?' He asks. He knows the answer, but the question is still there. How didn't this happen sooner?

She kisses his cheek in return.

'Waiting for you.' 

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
Pj and Dan make it to the field. Everyone is spread in groups throughout. They're maintaining the crops, they'll start harvest in a few weeks.

Pj frowns.

Sophie's not anywhere to be seen.

He does a second take.

Neither is Louis.

Something's up. Pj can tell that. That sick feeling in his stomach twists.

He saw her yesterday, walking into the house. What if she never left?

Pj has an inkling, and he's curious. He doesn't remember the last time he was curious about something. He acts.

He turns to Dan.

'Actually, I'm going to go change this shirt. I'll be back in a minute. Promise.'

Pj leaves before Dan gets a chance to say anything.

He heads back to the house.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj pauses outside Louis's room.

He presses his ear against the door, forgive him for being curious, but he wants to make sure of what he's walking in on.

He's not sure about what he thinks is happening, but he has intuition. Chris would know exactly what is going on. Pj flinches.

Pj pushes the door slightly, peeking in. He moves quietly, but not so silently as they wouldn't have heard him.

When Pj sees them, he doesn't gasp. He swallows away the pain in his throat.

They're kissing, fully clothed. Pj can see Sophie's back, how she's leaning up to Louis, how her arms rest on his shoulders.

She's been here since last night.

It clicks. Everything makes sense to Pj.

He called her 'Beautiful' in front of Pj, and Pj still didn't see it. He's frustrated with himself, but understands. He understands hiding.

How could he not?

He wants them to be happy. They seem happy. If this is the reason that Sophie and Louis are still smiling, then Pj won't tell a soul.

He's going to have to stop considering them both his brother and his sister.

He exhales, and knocks on the door. They jump apart.

Pj forces a smile.

'It's okay.' He reassures them. 'I know.'

Sophie and Louis exchange a look.

Sophie turns back to him.

'What do you mean-'

'-Don't play dumb. I just saw you kissing, and I'm guessing it wasn't the first time.' Pj retorts, not angry.

Sophie's eyes widen with alarm. Louis looks at her, and only her.

Pj waits expectantly.

Louis exhales, he reaches out and takes Sophie's hand, Sophie doesn't resist.

'Pj, I know we've had our disagreements recently, but please don't tell.' Louis begs him. 'Please.' Louis looks at Sophie, Sophie's watching him. 'I need her.'

Sophie smiles and squeezes his hand.

Pj laughs. They look at him with horror in their eyes.

'I'm not going to tell.' Pj tells them.

He doesn't have the energy to tell. He doesn't care for causing anymore misery, so he won't tell. Pj can keep a secret.

They relax. 'Thank you-'

'-I mean. I would just lose you both.' Pj admits. 'I don't want to lose you.' He whispers. 'I tried too damn hard to get back to you to lose you now.'

Louis smiles. 'Thank you.' He looks at her. Pj frowns, it's obvious now.

Sophie grins at Pj. 'Thank you for fighting to get back to us.'

Pj rolls his eyes.

'I'm selfish. You all seemed to be doing fine, I just fucked things up.'

Sophie frowns. 'How are you selfish?'

Pj shrugs. 'Because I've got you all. But I still want my... Chris. I still want my Chris.'

Louis's eyebrow furrows. 'Your Chris?...'

Pj gives him a tight lipped smile.

'You're not the only one who did something they weren't supposed to do in their love life.'

Louis's eyes widen.

'Wasn't he your teacher?' Louis demands. Pj nods. 'You had a...'

'Relationship.' Sophie supplies.

'Thank you Sophie. You had a that with your teacher?'

Pj shrugs again.

'I fell in love with him.' Pj tells Louis.

Louis's mouth falls open.

'Don't worry about it.' Pj carries on. 'He's dead.'

Silence whilst Louis and Sophie flinch.

'Oh Peej...' Sophie starts.

'Don't give me that sympathy shit.' Pj complains. 'He's dead. He's never going to love me back again. He's never going to kiss me. So you two, you do whatever the super fucking fuck you want. Because I miss him like all hell, and you two have a chance.' Pj runs a hand through his hair. 'And you better fucking take it! Alright? You two get to be together if I don't get to be with him. Someone gets their super happy ending if I don't. Alright?'

Sophie lets go of Louis's hand, she runs to Pj, and wraps her arms around him. He cracks and cries into her shoulder.

After a few moments, Louis walks to them, and wraps his arms around two of them.

'I-I-I'm so sorry for hurting you.' Pj whispers to Sophie.

'It's okay Pj.'

'No. It's not.'

Sophie keeps hugging him.

'Okay. It's not. But, when it never happens again, and when it isn't intentional, we can forgive.'

'It's not okay to hurt anyone.' Pj ignores her

Sophie pulls him tighter.

'Did you mean to hurt me?'

'No. But isn't that what all the horrible wife beaters say?'

'Yes. But I'm not your wife.'

'But-'

'-Was it accidental?'

'Yes. I didn't think it was you. I thought I was being attacked.'

'Because you're not in a great mental place. And we're going to start talking about it.' Sophie demands. 'We're going to talk about it, until the day we part ways Pj Liguori.'

Pj nods.

'I'll be there too.' Louis adds. 'Dan could probably use it as well.'

'...Everything I did can be excused, but it's not alright.'Pj argues.

Sophie rolls her eyes.

'Will you ever hit me again?'

Pj grimaces. 'I'd leave if I hurt you again.'

'I'd make you leave.' Louis adds.

Sophie rolls her eyes. 'I can stand up for me you know?' She addresses at Louis. Louis has to restrain a laugh. 'Then you've learnt Peej. And we can move on, and carry on learning.'

'Do I even deserve that?' Pj inquires.

Sophie smiles.

'A lot of people have done a lot worse, and felt better about it.'

Pj nods a small bit.

'You hurting her will never be okay. Never.' Louis points out. 'But we can make sure it never happens again. We can get you somewhere that you don't feel bad over it. Don't kick yourself over it until you end up never getting over it.'

'Exactly.' Sophie says.

Pj nods. 'Okay.'

Pj closes his eyes, and lets himself be hugged. He still feels shit, Chris is everywhere in his mind, the pain he's caused. But his friend's words are sugar laced honesty, and Pj needed that.

He just needed to be told that he can make up for it, he didn't need instant forgiveness.

Pj could do a with a little weight off his shoulders.

'How can I start to get forgiven?' Pj asks.

Sophie pulls away, and Louis moves so she can.

'You can start, by keeping us-' She gestures to Louis. '-A secret.'

'I would anyway.'

'Good.' Sophie and Louis say in sync. They shoot each other a smile afterwards.

Pj smiles for them again.

'We need to head to work.' Pj tells them. 'Do you want to tell me how this-' He gestures to them. '-Happened on the way?'

Sophie and Louis hold each other's hand, and Pj thinks he's in for a long story.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Their story doesn't move Pj to tears, but it makes him smile. It makes him worry for them, like he never has before, but it makes him happy nonetheless.

He prays that this is endgame for them, otherwise, they're all going to have to live with broken hearts.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

When the sun starts to go down and the day's work is finished, they head to Louis's home.

Jamie had been huffy about Louis and Sophie being late initially, but Sophie hugged him, and he rolled his eyes and forgot it.

Louis, Sophie, Jamie, Pj, and Dan walk together. Sophie skips slightly ahead. Pj and Dan keep a step behind, shoulder to shoulder.

When they reach the house, Dan tries to leave them, Pj runs after him.

'Where are you going Spork?' Pj asks, Pj is having to force himself to speak. All he wants to do is be quiet, but he can't afford to do that anymore. He doesn't see Dan flinch.

Dan frowns. 'I was going to go...Don't you want to be alone?'

Pj snorts. 'You're one of us now. Whether you like it or not.'

'I like it, but don't you want some time with just your friends-'

'-You're my friend Spork.'

Dan snaps.

'You didn't even pick that nickname, stop using it!'

Pj's eyes widen, his eyebrows shoot up.

He gives Dan a second.

'I will Dan.'

Dan closes his eyes, he puts a hand on his face. 'It just reminds me of Chris.'

Pj smiles. 'Same.' Pj gives him a second. 'Please, stay with us.'

Dan pauses.

'Sure.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Sophie and Jamie cook in the kitchen. Jamie had kicked Pj and Louis out. Dan sat and laughed.

It feels quieter than he used to, yet there's an extra person.

Pj can't put his finger on just why.

Dan laughs along with Louis. Pj stares at his dimples, they barely move, Pj can imagine them sagging off his face and running away.

Pj's head tries to fall off his neck, it's like the world goes into two dimensions, and he's left somewhere where he can only feel one thing. He's overcome with how much guilt he feels. It crawls up his neck and into his ears, into his brain.

He's caused so much pain.

Pj spaces out, staring away.

This is when Chris would have kissed him awake, but he's dead. Pj's alone and guilty. He could be sick. He starts shaking.

Louis clicks.

Pj blinks and looks at him, after flinching.

'Are you okay?' Louis asks.

Pj realizes the room's going quiet.

Pj realizes that the room's going quiet because he's half a person now. He hates this, being in love isn't supposed to make you less of a person, it's supposed to make you more of one. Why does everything feel so wrong?

Pj shrugs. 'Sorry.'

Everyone looks at him. Pj carries on looking at Dan.

Sophie walks, and kisses him quickly on the cheek. Pj closes his eyes and pretends, just for a second, that he hasn't just been to war; he pretends that he just got dumped and his friend's are cheering him up. He pretends life is as it was.

When he opens his eyes, he knows that his heart is broken because not only is Chris dead, so is Phil, and maybe everyone else he knew. He knows that he killed someone. He knows that he's an abnormal, a result of a corrupt governments reluctance to fail. He hurt Sophie, and everyone else.

Pj isn't even sure if he deserves kisses on the cheek.

Pj doesn't know if he deserves to feel okay again.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj thinks about drinking. He'd like to feel some warmth right now.

Chris wouldn't want him to.

That plays in his mind, over and over, like the old news casts.

Pj stopped talking a while ago. He'd watched Dan initially, he'd been fluent in keeping conversation alive. Dan's starting to flicker out, Pj can see it in him.

'How long has it been since you last fucked with fire?' Pj interjects. The question is out of place for the conversation, the others revert to silence.

Dan frowns at him.

'I mean, do you mean full body? Or just in my hands? Last time I set one? I don't-'

'-Set one.'

Dan nods, and he thinks. His eyebrow furrows even further, he swallows.

'I can't remember.'

Pj raises an eyebrow at him.

'Really?'

Dan can't help but smile.

'Fire's a good thing for me.' He answers. Pj blinks at him. Dan tuts. 'I mean, it's a happy thing...'

He trails off. Dan's mouth falls open.

Phil died. Dan stopped needing fire.

What does he need now?

Dan closes his eyes.

'You're unhappy.' Pj tells him.

Dan huffs. 'No shit.' Dan snarks. Pj chuckles at him.

'We're the depressive freak club.' Pj jokes.

Dan laughs. 'Our friends just died.' He points out.

Pj rolls his eyes. 'Like they weren't in the club anyway. Chris was the fucking creator.'

It's nice. It's nice to say his name and not have it hurt too much.

Dan snorts. 'That's awful.'

Pj shrugs. 'I love him. It's not as awful as him...'

Pj leaves it. He's stinging again, stinging all over like paper cuts of loss. He feels a stone in his heart and a storm in his stomach.

He remembers kisses and nights and mornings.

'I'm going to bed.' Pj states.

With that, he walks out the room, nobody makes an effort to stop him.

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj is getting sick of how things are feeling worse. He's feeling okay one moment, like he's going to be fine and that he's going to keep going.

Then his head explodes with thoughts and Pj's left hurting, normally in tears.

He sees his guitar lingering like an itch in the corner of his room. He gets the urge to destroy it, to put his fist through it and rip until it's dust.

Pj buries his head in his blanket, and he screams. He screams and he screams. Until his throat is dry and raw.

Pj wonders if he's lost himself. He used to be stronger than this, free, if he could believe in such a thing. Now he's this.

It's his fault, so he doesn't know why he's complaining.

Pj stops screaming, and collapses onto his bed.

It's not like he wants to be dead, it's more like he's sick of living like this. He wants to be better, he wants to feel good enough, and maybe even happy. He's not sure if he can do that without Chris.

He snorts. He managed for years without Chris, he can manage like that again.

The guilt kicks him in the stomach.

He's not going to manage without Chris, because without him, his ghost will haunt him forever.

Who else would take care of him like that? Who else would understand him like that? Who else would care so much?

Chris Kendall is going to be Pj's personal demon.

Pj falls asleep.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj wakes up to a person climbing into his bed.

'Dan?' Pj's voice is raw still from sleep and the rest.

Dan freezes.

A moment of pause between the two.

'I can't sleep.'

Pj chuckles. ' _No way_. Seriously?'

Dan laughs, he swats at Pj. 'Can I sleep with you?'

Pj finds the joke so obvious, he doesn't make it. Chris would, he knows Chris would.

'Sure Dan.'

Dan tucks himself into Pj's side.

Silence. Dan closes his eyes, but Pj doesn't bother.

He doesn't think he'll be able to sleep again.

'How did we end up like this?' The words escape from Pj's mouth, he tries to take them back. 'Sorry, I-'

'-I don't know. Sometimes, I feel like we should be worse, sometimes, better. I don't get it.'

'We could be worse, given the circumstances.' Pj rests an arm over Dan's torso. 'I mean, I always was fucking crazy.'

Dan laughs. 'You must have been, for Chris...'

It falls into silence. Dan doesn't know how to take his words back.

Pj has to laugh them off, he knows he does, to make Dan feel better.

'He was certainly fucking crazy too.'

The words are supposed to be funny, but Pj can feel tears.

'I'm sorry.' Dan whispers.

It makes Dan a hell of a lot worse.

Does Pj even know that's the last thing Chris ever said to him? How could he? He wasn't awake.

'It's okay Dan. You didn't mean it.'

'He loved you completely. You know that right?' Dan tells him, he doesn't know if he should be.

Pj closes his eyes.

'That doesn't help.'

Dan slowly nods.

'I wish it did.'

Pj smiles, despite his crying.

'Me too.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Dan's always just that bit too warm. Chris used to be nicer to sleep next to.

Chris is in his head. Always in his head.

Pj shuts his eyes, and wonders if he can force the memories out.

How can he when he's clinging to them with slippery fingers?

Falling in love. Love. Being pushed out of it.

Pj's mind is running away from him. He reckons it wants to be with Chris.

Pj is sick. He's sick, and sick of being like this. There's nothing he can do. The sun's just come up. He wiggles out of bed, he's not going to wake up Dan.

He walks to the kitchen.

He drinks. He drinks to forget, or maybe to sleep again.

Today can go fuck itself.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Sophie comes out of Louis's room and finds Pj slumped over in the kitchen.

For a split second, she thinks he's dead, and her heart stops.

She sees the bottles around him. Her heart beats again, but she sucks on her lips, and closes her eyes. After a moment, she opens them again.

She'd hoped that maybe he'd feel better, maybe she could help him feel better. Clearly she was wrong, clearly she can't help Pj at all.

'Darling...' Sophie calls back to Louis. 'Peej needs help.'

Louis walks into the room.

Sophie watches his face. He starts smiling, it turns into shock, and then a grimace.

'Oh shit...'

'Yes. Exactly.'

Louis furrows his eyebrow before speaking.

'Last time you woke him up, he...'

'Hurt me?'

Louis scoffs. 'Hurt is probably the wrong fucking word.'

Sophie shrugs. 'What do you suggest?'

Louis runs a hand over his lower face, growing more agitated.

'Fuck if I'm supposed to know.'

Sophie nods at him. She hadn't expected Louis to be this upset. She guesses she's always had a bit of a thicker skin.

She reaches out and takes his hand. He jumps at the contact, looking at her with wide eyes afterwards.

'I love you.' She tells him.

He smiles. 'I love you too.'

She smiles back, and lets go of his hand. It falls back to his side.

Sophie turns her full attention back to Pj.

'We wake him up together?'

Louis nods.

'Together.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj doesn't hit Sophie, or Louis, upon waking up. He simply looks between them both. He stays on the floor.

'Can't you just leave me alone? This is getting super fucking annoying.'

Sophie shakes her head. 'We said we'd help you-'

'-Yeah! Well I change my mind! I don't give a shit!' Pj's voice is hoarse.

'Pj, please-' Louis starts.

'-What the fuck did I do? Answer that.' Pj gestures to his own chest. 'I must have done something pretty fucking horrible.' Pj chuckles. 'I'm a freak. I'm a freak that has lost _everything_.' 

A moments silence.

'Pj, you haven't lost us.' Louis points out.

Pj glares up at him.

'I have though, haven't I? Because you're scared for me, by me. You think I'm going to do something stupid... You think I'm the same person I used to be. People change, shitty things happen, and you have to change to stay alive. I'm not the person you love.'

'Pj, you're not being fair.'

Pj outright laughs, it's sour.

'I'm not being fair.' He stands up. 'I'm not being, fair?'

'No.'

'What the fuck has been fair about any of this?' Pj demands. 'Huh? Oh, and if you want to know, the answer is nothing!'

'That's not our fault.'

'Who's is it?' Pj begs, shouting out the words. 'Who the fuck can I kill to stop feeling this? Other than myself.' The words cut into Louis and Sophie as intended.

'Pj, please stop.' Sophie begs.

Pj shakes his head. Anger swells in him.

'I killed someone. I'm never going to shut up. I can still see them fall. I can imagine Phil dying, Chris dying. My friends are on the run. I can't help them. I am in love with ghosts. Do you get that? The people I love, are ghosts. I'm never ever going to see any of them again, and it's my fault for not fighting hard enough.' Pj points a finger at Sophie. 'Don't tell me to stop.'

'Don't threaten her.' Louis defends. Pj turns his full body to him. Pj runs his tongue over his teeth.

'Do you want to fight a murderer Louis?'

'No, I don't want to fight.'

'Go on.'

'Pj, no.'

'I'm not your Pj anymore. I'm abnormal number 1827.'

Louis snorts. 'You were Pj yesterday!'

Pj snorts also. 'Fuck that guy. He's a fucking idiot. He fell in love and got hurt, and now he feels sorry for himself. In fact, I wish I wasn't him.'

Silence.

'But you are Pj...' Sophie tells him. 'And we love you.'

Pj stares at her, he shakes his head.

'Good luck with that.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Louis can hear Pj's bedroom door slam shut.

He pulls Sophie into his arms, they breath each other in.

Louis hears that line, over and over.

_I'm in love with ghosts._

He kisses the top of Sophie's head, and he shuts his eyes.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

As Dan wakes up, Pj falls asleep.

Dan finds Louis sitting alone with a bitter expression. Dan bites his tongue.

Louis looks up at him.

'I'm getting worried about Peej.' Louis tells him.

Dan sighs relief, he can relate to that.

'Same.'

Louis sighs, and nods. He swallows.

'We don't know what to do. He seemed fine yesterday...'

'He's not going to be fine for a long time.' Dan tells him. 'That's just a part of it.'

Louis hesitates. 'A part of what?'

Dan grimaces. 'Loving people that die... I think he really did love Chris. They didn't have long together but I think it was just...'

'One of those things?'

Louis isn't sure whether to smile or throw up.

Dan nods. 'They were one of those.' Dan smiles. 'A good one, they were good together. Even if I didn't see it for long, that was obvious.'

Louis frowns. 'What do you mean?'

Dan carries on smiling. Today feels lighter, he doesn't feel so crap. He can smile, but it's not his go to. Thoughts still linger and darken moods.

'They kept them secret, but I knew they understood each other. When they told us it wasn't so much a surprise as a, how didn't I see that?' Dan looks up whilst he talks. 'Pj seemed as tough as nails when he arrived, then he got comfortable and happy, and that was Chris's fault.'

Louis grimaces. 'What happened?'

Dan stops smiling. 'What do you think? The front-line. Honestly, I can pretend it didn't happen. That soldier was about to kill me. Pj can't seem to realize that it was war-'

'-Does war ease guilt?'

Dan stares at him, eyes offended.

'Louis. I barely know you.'

Louis nods. 'I'm sorry-'

'-It doesn't ease enough guilt. I just don't feel things right.' Dan admits. 'Pj was raised right. He feels with his whole self, whilst that makes him a good person, that doesn't make him a good soldier.'

Dan frowns. Louis furrows his eyebrow.

'What?' Louis asks. 

Dan looks at him. 'Do you know how long Chris was an abnormal?'

Louis stares at him, before slowly nodding.

'He got taken as a child.'

Dan nods. 'By all accounts, he should have felt nothing by that point.'

Louis swallows. 'Are you saying he didn't love Pj?'

Dan snorts. 'He loved Pj all right. Fucking obvious.'

Dan thinks back to the gentle affection displays he'd witnessed. Journeys spent arm in arm, that last journey spent with Pj in Chris's arms.

Dan wonders if he should tell Pj about that. He shakes his head, it would make things worse.

'What difference does it make then?' Louis asks. Still frustrated.

Dan bites his lip again.

'It means that Chris learnt to feel for him.'

For Dan, that makes everything so much worse.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

When Louis comes up to work on the fields completely alone, everyone tries to conceal fear.

Jamie shuts his eyes, and wonders if he's going to end up losing Pj after all.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Dan finds Pj sitting on his bed. His hands are between his knees, clasped together. Dan slowly walks in, and sits next to him. He copies his body position.

They sit in silence.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Dan isn't sure of how much time has passed. He looks over at Pj.

'How do you feel?'

Pj smirks. 'I don't feel.'

Dan rolls his eyes. 'Stop lying.'

Pj huffs. His heart pangs again.

'I miss him Dan.'

Dan nods. 'I know you do.'

'I miss him so much Dan.' Pj scratches the back of his head.

'Tell me more.'

Pj laughs.

'I'm not even sure how any of this happened. I was home one day, and then I wasn't. I was with him, then he became more than just a person to me. He became someone I started to fall for, because he was super funny and super hot and seemed to care. I needed that, I needed him. I still do need him.' Pj swallows. 'He became the person that let me be strong, and now I can't find that again. I need him. I'm never going to be okay without him.'

'You're going to have to be.' Dan shuts his eyes. 'We're both going to have to be strong without help. We're going to have to rely on ourselves. Other people can make you strong, but strength comes from within. Strength comes from the ability to live through whatever gets thrown at you, it comes from the ability to fail, and try your best. I know you can do all of that. I know it. '

Pj stares at Dan.

'I can't.'

Dan closes his eyes.

'Then you find strength in me, for as long as you need it. People should help each other, lean on me. I'm not sure if I'm okay enough to help you, but I will.'

Pj smiles.

'You already do help.'

Dan scoffs.

'How?'

'I'm less scared with you, and Chris has said before that being scared makes you weak.'

Silence.

'I'm always scared.' Dan whispers. 'But I think Chris was wrong. I think being scared doesn't make you weak, as long as you overcome your fear. You can be scared of yourself, of your past, your future, the people that drag you down, love, everything, you are strong if you look your fear in the eye and tell it to fuck off. Everyone is strong. Everyone can tell their fear to go away, they can beat it. Maybe I can beat it.' Dan swallows. 'But I haven't yet.' 

Pj looks through his friend like he's made of shattered glass.

'Did you love him Dan?' Pj finally asks.

Dan opens his eyes. His mouth falls open.

'Phil?' The name aches to say.

'Yes. Phil.'

'...Yeah. I probably did.' A beat. 'That doesn't matter. He's dead. '

The words sink into Pj like ink.

Pj reaches out and takes Dan's hand.

They'll be broken together.


	9. Chapter 9

Enough time passes for Pj to stop feeling sick in his skin all of the time.

He smiles more often. He goes more days without alcohol, he eats more.

He spends more time talking to his sister, mother, and father, and less time crying to himself.

Dan screams less at night.

It's midday. Pj sits alone in the field.

The sun shines onto his skin. The weather is going to start fully turning soon. The breeze has a chill to it. Pj isn't cold.

He hears footsteps, he turns quickly, ready to punch.

Hannah raises her hands.

Pj relaxes. He frowns.

'Hey.'

'Hello Pj.'

Hannah sits next to him. She looks up at the sky, Pj looks at her, amazed. 

'Hannah, how are you out of the bakery?'

Hannah grins at him.

'They've pardoned all abnormals. Declaration came out today. I came straight here with Ingrid.' Hannah smiles at her name. 'She's with Sophie.'

Pj's eyes widen.

'They pardoned everyone?' He demands.

Hannah nods.

'It shocked me too. I wasn't there for the speech. Ingrid was... Pj... They said it was because of Chris's speech.'

Pj feels colder. He closes his eyes.

'That doesn't bring him back.'

Hannah puts an arm around his shoulders. 'But he saved everyone else. We know Chris. He'd be happy with that. We should strive for happiness, it brings me some happiness to know that he got what he wanted.'

Pj listens, and he doesn't fight it.

'He's nearly been gone a month.' Pj points out.

Hannah pulls him closer, resting her head on him.

'I know.'

'I still miss him.'

'So do I. Don't worry about that.' She smiles. 'But I think there's light in the darkness. Time is one thing that always gives you that.' 

Pj thinks about it.

Everyone's free. No more hiding.

That would make Chris happy. He'd feel like that was his promise filled.

Pj grins. He rests his head on top of Hannah's, and looks at the sky. No cloud.

'Stay for dinner.'

'I'd be honored.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Louis thinks stuff has been getting better.

Pj seems to be getting somewhere a bit better. He still has bad days, but they don't paralyze him the way they used to. He still comes out of his room with tears on his face. Sophie or Dan tend to wipe them away, Louis usually gets him a glass of water.

Louis considers Dan a good friend now. It's fun to watch him and Pj interact. Dan's more likely to talk about how he feels, because he grew up keeping it in. It hurts Louis to know Pj does the opposite.

It took a while for Louis to realize he's actually met Chris. He was the other guy on the day he saw Pj before the front-line. That could make Louis laugh. Louis thinks he'd like to meet Chris, and Phil. It'd be interesting to see whether they match up to his idea of them.

Most of the reason he feels good is Sophie's fault. His worry over her has eased. Sophie had told Dan about them. Dan didn't get why it was such a big secret, but he agreed. Sometimes, Louis wonders why it is such a big secret. But they need to figure themselves out before they find a way of telling their parents.

Whatever happens, Louis is going to fight to stay with her.

For the first time, Louis thinks she'd do the same for him.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Did you hear about the abnormals Dan?' Pj asks.

Dan nods, his smile comes easier this day. He still seems sad.

'Free, right?'

Pj finds it easier to grin back then ever before.

They embrace.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Hannah tells them about updates throughout the whole evening.

'Wait, so they're having like public transport now?' Dan asks again. Hannah nods.

' _And_ , they're going to introduce a mail system with it!'

Pj frowns. 'Why?'

'They want to make sector communication easier.' Hannah grins. 'They've had mail in the other nation for years.'

Dan takes Pj's hand.

'Our nation now.'

Hannah takes one of each of their hands.

'Guess so.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Hannah's about to leave. Pj forgets how much she makes him laugh.

She pulls him in for a tight hug.

'Are you staying with Ingrid?' Pj asks.

She smiles at him.

'Yeah. As long as I can. She's what makes me happy.'

After Hannah leaves, Pj feels a different ache.

It's not a mourning ache, it's just a sense of missing that feeling along with missing Chris. He misses how Chris made him feel.

As he sleeps that night, he misses his touch.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj finds himself walking more often now. If there's ever an opportunity to go into the village, he'll take it. He's at the bakery with Hannah and Ingrid.

There's a knock on the door. Ingrid stares between the two of them, the bakery is shut.

She peers out at a new government official with dyed black hair, a postwoman.

Ingrid frowns.

'Who would send me a letter?'

Hannah shrugs.

'Go find out.'

Pj remains quiet as Ingrid's handed one small envelope from a bag. They only recently started selling those. The news has been explaining how to send letters on it's loops, as well as talking about the sector shuttles. Pj's seen the footage of the declaration of abnormal 'freedom'. He smiled for Chris, and his wrist felt naked.

Ingrid shuts the door, she looks back at them.

'Who's it from?' Pj asks.

'I-I don't know.'

'Open it then.' Hannah tells her.

'It's not for me.'

Hannah and Pj's eyes widen.

'What?'

Ingrid holds up the envelope.

It clearly says 'Hannah Hart' in messy writing. The bakery's location is scrawled beneath.

Hannah's eyes widen further.

'How did they...'

Silence.

Pj feels dread in his stomach.

Ingrid walks to them. She gives Hannah the letter, and then sits beside her, a hand on Hannah's back.

Hannah swallows.

She opens it.

She gasps.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

_**To Hannah,** _

_**Don't be scared. I only found you because of our connections, and that was only after the abnormal pardoning. You were safe, and you still are safe. I know you're safe. I need a favor, an extremely selfless favor.** _

_**Would you have the space to let me, and three other abnormals, stay with you? One of them isn't injured, the others need help. I haven't got a way of getting it to them. I need your help, I need you to be selfless, again. I'm sorry.** _

_**There's been some deep developments you should know, regarding two of the other abnormals with me. Please respond to this. Please, we need help. We're desperate.** _

_**From Connor (Franta) X** _

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

There's a few seconds silence after the letter is read out.

'Connor's alive.' Pj states.

Hannah nods, folding the letter. 'Good.'

'They can stay.' Ingrid immediately announces. She kisses Hannah's temple. 'As long as you want them too.'

Hannah grins.

'I'll send a reply.'

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj is walking alone along the road back to the farm.

His heart feels heavy, as always.

The moon is bright again, there's cloud, Pj thinks it's probably going to rain.

Pj breathes in fresh air. Exhale, inhale, exhale.

Pj doesn't bother smiling for the lack of audience.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Sophie and Louis had meant to wait up for Pj.

They'd gotten distracted by each other.

Sophie's trying to catch her breath, laying next to her lover.

They make eye contact, and she starts laughing.

Louis smiles.

'Don't giggle at me. It's too cute.' Louis tells her.

She carries on laughing.

Louis tuts.

'I'm just going to have to stop you.' Louis continues.

He kisses her neck until she stops laughing and starts begging him again.

He's happy to oblige.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Sophie hears the front door open. She quickly climbs out of bed. Louis is asleep, when she moves, his arms end up sprawling across the bed.

He's drooling a little.

She smiles.

'Nerd.'

She finds one of his shirts. It's too big for her. It hangs around her mid thigh, it could be a dress. She pulls on some underwear.

She walks out of the room, and finds Pj in the kitchen.

She raises her eyebrows at him. He raises his back.

She can see how worn he looks.

'Hard day?' She asks.

Pj takes a seat.

'We're not all getting some as frequently as you.' Pj retorts. Sophie snorts.

Sophie shrugs. She walks, and sits next to Pj. The seat looks out of the window, they stare at darkness.

'Do you want to talk about it?' Sophie asks.

Pj smirks. 'About you getting some?'

Sophie rolls her eyes. 'No.'

There's a few minutes silence.

'Hannah got a letter from Connor.' A beat. 'Connor's a super cool abnormal that helped train me and Dan.'

Sophie stares at Pj. She compares him to the Pj she knew once, they one with the smile and the guitar. A carefree explorer.

'What's the problem?'

Pj huffs out a breath.

'The same one as always.'

Sophie nods. She thinks she can understand more.

She reaches out and takes Pj's hand. Pj grips it back tightly.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Sophie sits with Pj until he can talk again.

She isn't surprised that when he talks, it's purely irrelevant talk.

'How is your relationship?' Pj asks.

Sophie smiles, it's an involuntary grin.

'Beautiful.'

Pj huffs a laugh out.

'Details Soph?'

Sophie shrugs.

'What details are there? Love is simple if you let it be simple, when you take out all the social stuff and the rest and just focus on it. I feel better when I'm with him, he makes me want to smile, he makes me better, because he's Louis. Love is supposed to make you feel better and be better, that's what love is to me.'

Pj nods, he remembers.

'You love him?'

Sophie giggles.

'How could I not?'

Pj laughs, he squeezes her hand.

'Good. Enjoy that.'

Pj lets go of her hand.

'I will.'

Pj pauses. He still finds Sophie and Louis a bit odd, it'd been a lot to get his head around, but he doesn't care. Their happiness comes first, he thinks that's something he wouldn't have realized without the war.

'Do you think you will tell everyone else any time soon?'

Sophie shrugs.

'I don't know.' She bites her lip. 'I feel really fucking safe when I'm with him, but how would everyone react? It could go so many ways...'

'Would you ever want to lose him?' Pj asks.

Sophie shakes her head immediately.

'Never.'

'They don't want to lose you, so they'd have to deal with it. Like most things, it'd be weird at first, but with time, it'd get better.'

Sophie frowns. 'You really think so?'

Pj's eyes are heavy from sleep. 'Yeah, I do.' He smiles. 'I think a lot.' He nods once at her. 'I'm going to bed. I suggest you return to your manfriend.'

Sophie snorts. 'My escort.'

'Your gentleman suitor.'

'My courter.'

'Your admirer.'

'My fuckboy.'

Pj laughs. 'Whatever floats your boat.'

Sophie smirks. 'He floats my boat alright-'

Pj pretends to cringe. '-Ew-'

'-He floats my boat _all night long._ ' 

Pj stands up.

'And now I'm even more mentally scared. Thanks Soph.'

Sophie chuckles even though she shouldn't. She reaches up to hug him. 'It's a pleasure. Goodnight?'

Pj smiles. 'Goodnight.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Sophie walks back into Louis's room.

She smiles at him, he's laying in the exact same way she left him.

The candle on the table side is about to burn out, she walks over and blows out the flame.

She returns to the bed, she rests her head on his arm, and she pulls the blanket over the both of them.

Sleep takes her quickly.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj lays sleepless in bed.

There's those whispers of words, the clipped syllables that tease him into wakefulness. He's not even sure who's voice it is.

Pj had never realized how memories can follow you before.

He has that image of the person he killed in his head constantly.

He asks his own self over and over, was it right?

When that soldier isn't in his lobes, it's someone he lost.

It's Phil's jokes, his power.

It's Troye, Zoe, or Emma. It's the question of where they are now. He wouldn't even know where to start to find them, there's the possibility that they're not even alive for him to find.

Chris. Chris is always in his head. Pj can count his blessings, at least he knows what happened to Chris and Phil. The others could be laying in a ditch somewhere and he'd be none the wiser.

Pj forces his eyes shut.

He ignores any of the words he's hearing.

He still can't sleep.

Bad things have a habit of haunting people, mistakes, guilt. Time is a healer in that sense, it lets you recover, to find a way to regain strength and cope. 

Everyone can cope, and be strong. 

Pj doesn't think he appreciated strength before. Everyone is strong in their own way. 

Sophie's right, we're strong, and we use all the love we get to become stronger. 

Pj thinks that bad things happened to him, and he got love taken away. He's going to take time to heal, to sleep again. 

But Pj Liguori will heal. He will be okay, he can kill his guilt. 

Some day. 

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Dan wakes up drenched in sweat again.

Fucking nightmares.  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj gets out of bed later than he should. He finds Dan, his hair is wet and his smile is weary.

'Bad night?'

Dan shrugs.

Pj hugs him, Dan returns it gladly.

After Pj pulls away, he looks Dan in the eyes.

'Hannah got a letter yesterday, from Connor.' Pj explains.

Dan's smile becomes more alive.

'Connor's okay?' Dan smiles.

'So are three of his friends, but he didn't mention who. I think that was probably in case the letter got-'

'-Intercepted?'

Pj nods. 'It surprised me that he trusted the mail enough to even reveal that he's alive.'

Dan stops smiling. His brow furrows.

'We were given two abnormals with a lot of bias against trusting governments. I mean, in probability, most abnormals probably do have a bit of faith in this new government.' Dan points out.

Pj chuckles.

'Are you saying that we assume none of the abnormals trust anyone because Phil and Chris didn't?'

Dan shrugs and smiles again.

'Tell me I'm wrong.' Dan challenges.

Pj shakes his head, and laughs.

'Never.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The day passes quickly. Pj works next to Dan, they exchange jokes throughout the day.

'This is worse than fucking training.'

Pj snorts. 'Do you remember when you fell off the treadmill?'

Dan laughs. 'Then Troye went too.'

'And I helped you up.'

Talking about it makes an ache in Pj's chest, but the memories are happy. The happy stuff is worth remembering.

That night, Pj has issues falling asleep again.

He ends up sharing with Dan, they fall asleep talking about the happy memories. They wish they always could.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

  
Connor grins as he reads the response letter from Hannah.

He runs back to tell Troye the news.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj thinks the worst thing about his life is how repetitive it's getting.

Wake up.

Work.

Miss them.

Maybe cry.

Eat.

Try to sleep.

Fail.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The next morning is even colder than the last, harvest will begin soon, in a weeks time most likely.

Louis pulls Sophie closer to him to keep him warm. He buries his face into her shoulder, and kisses her once.

He thinks she's asleep.

She isn't. She smiles at him.

'I love you so much, you motherfucker.' Sophie tells him.

He chuckles, and she can feel his breath on her skin.

He speaks against it, she can feel the vibrations of his voice.

'I love you too.'

When Louis finds the motivation to get out of bed, the day passes quickly.

He spends the whole day counting down to the evening, and when he gets to kiss her next.

When night falls, Sophie doesn't bother waiting for hours. She doesn't even bother going home. She aches to spend more time with him, so she does.

When he kisses her again, everything is good, and so is she.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Ingrid didn't think she could run this quickly. Her legs are aching, but she needs to run.

Pj's farm is in the distance.

She runs even quicker. The sun is going down, she needs to keep going.

She needs to save them.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Pj! Dan! Pj!'

Pj frowns. He exchanges a look with his mother. She'd made him tea, they'd been talking. It was starting to feel like he'd never left.

'What-'

'-Pj Liguori! I need you!'

Pj stands up slowly. He glances out of the window.

'It's Ingrid.'

Pj doesn't look back at his mother, he leaves the house. Pj's mother jumps up and looks out of the window to watch.

Ingrid spots him straight away. She runs to him, and jumps onto him, hugging him.

'We need to find Dan. It's important. We need to leave right away-'

Pj grabs her wrist.

'-What's wrong Ingrid?'

She grins at him.

'Nothing is wrong. There's something that will change your life at the bakery.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj finds Dan quickly, he shakes him awake.

'Pj... What's up?'

Pj shakes his head.

'I don't know. But we've got to go.'

Dan frowns at him, but if he's learnt one thing. It's that he can trust Pj, they're allies.

Dan gets ready to go.  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Ingrid ends up pulling them both along. She has one of each of their hands.

'Come on.' She instructs.

Pj and Dan exchange a look.

'Ingrid, please-'

'-I promised I wouldn't.' Ingrid tells them. Her smile bursts off her face. 'Trust me.'

She's moving so quickly, that she's practically running.

She's out of breath.

'Slow down Ingrid.' Pj tells her.

She shakes her head.

'I can't. We need to get you there. They need you both.' Ingrid tells them.

'Who?'

'I can't say. They might be listening.' Ingrid whispers. 'Hannah can't heal all three of them.'

Pj rolls his eyes. 'So you're using me? Ingrid, I can only heal people I love-'

'-You can heal these people. Hannah's managing fine. She would. But you need to be there.'

'How can he heal them?' Dan asks.

Ingrid stops walking.

'Because he loves them.'

She walks again.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The bakery has a wagon outside it. Dan looks into it as they walk past, there's nothing inside, it reminds him of the ones they had when he was little, they ones people carry.

Ingrid seems to be exploding from excitement.

Pj is too tired for this. He just wants to know what the fuck is going on.

'Come on!' Ingrid shouts. She runs through the door. 'Hannah! We're back! Hannah!'

Connor comes through the door instead. He's got a cut running down the left side of his jaw. He grins at Pj and Dan.

'You guys look superb.' Connor tells them.

Pj smiles. He can't deny that seeing another abnormal breathing is nice. Another person that made it.

Dan grins, and walks to him and hugs him.

Pj jumps at the sound of a voice.

'Surprise.'

He twists.

Pj breathes with his smile.

'Troye!'

'Heya Pj.'

Troye looks thinner when Pj look at him. His eyes a little more distant. His smile is there, his dimples, but Pj feels like that could be faked.

Pj embraces him regardless.

'I'm super glad you're alive.' Pj tells him.

Troye snorts. 'I'm certainly that.'

They pull away.

Dan turns and spots Troye.

Dan's mouth turns into a grin. He sighs, and it's like Pj can see some of the darkness flying out of him.

'You're okay.' Dan whispers.

Troye smiles and nods.

Dan runs to him, and embraces him. Pj watches Troye's face. Troye makes eye contact with Connor halfway through the hug, and his smile seems more genuine. Pj feels a pang of loss in his chest.

Troye puts a hand on both of their arms.

'I need you both to stay calm.' Troye tells them.

Pj and Dan make eye contact.

'Huh?' Pj asks. Dan snorts.

'I have a surprise for you. I did something stupid.' Troye says. He smirks. 'A little reckless.'

Dan and Pj make eye contact again.

'Reckless?' Pj asks.

Dan smiles. 'Would Chris and Phil be proud?'

A door opens again.

'I know I am.'

Dan and Pj's eyes widen. Dan grabs Pj's hand.

His hair is shorter and he has stubble on his jaw. His shirt is ripped and he's clinging to the door frame to stay upright.

They're not sure if they trust their eyes.

Phil Lester, apparently, is alive.


	10. Chapter 10

'How?' Dan whispers.

Pj freezes.

Phil is standing directly in front of him. His body looks worn, visibly tired. He's faded out, washed out. Pj's heart beats hard in his chest. He swallows away the lump in his throat as he absorbs this. 

Unless Pj has gone completely mad, Phil Lester is still alive.

_What does that mean?_

Troye coughs. Pj turns to look at him.

'They were drowned.' Troye points out.

Dan frowns. Pj gets it immediately. It's another obvious link. 

'You saved them, didn't you?' Pj asks.

Troye shrugs. 'Breathing underwater has uses.'

Pj snorts. 'You think?' He snarks. Dan restrains a laugh.

Phil grins.

'I missed your sarcasm.' Phil tells Pj. His voice is raw.

Dan shakes his head, taking it in. Half of the weight in his chest lifts. He starts crying, a hand over his mouth. He lets go of Pj.

Pj's mind is running. He's scared to ask the obvious, he isn't sure if he's more scared of being right or wrong. Is he here? Did they save him too? Does he get to see Chris get saved too?

Dan starts sobbing. Pj rests a hand on his shoulder. Dan shrugs it away. He points at Phil.

'You're dead!' He shouts through tears.

Phil sucks in his lips, there's water in his eyes.

He shakes his head.

'I made it Dan.' Phil tells him. 'I'm here.'

Dan sobs once more.

Dan runs to him.

Phil catches Dan, and he starts crying too. They bury faces in necks. Dan's hands go to Phil's hair, and the side of Phil's face. Checking if he's real. Phil can't see his aura, he can't see any. This is the quietest his mind has ever been.

Pj pinches his arm, this isn't a dream. This is real. Phil might still be alive. Pj's not sure whether he trusts his own judgement anymore. If Phil and Chris are alive, that changes everything. That means Pj gets to help them be strong too, he gets to repay the people that helped saved him, he gets to love him. 

Them being alive is too good to be true. 

Dan and Phil pull away from each other. Their tears rest on their faces, they're illuminated by candlelight.

Dan slips a hand onto Phil's jaw, and kisses him. Phil kisses back within seconds.

Pj turns away, feeling wrong for watching.

Pj frowns, he's been looking for Ingrid, but she must have crept out of the room. It's not like he would have seen it with all of the drama.

Pj's head is filled with hope and fear. His palms are sweaty and his heart rate fast.

Did you save him too?

Troye takes his hand. Pj jumps out of his skin.

Troye smiles at him.

'Come on. He's waiting for you. He's just a little less mobile.'

Pj's heart stops.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Troye keeps hold of Pj's hand, a life line. Pj's heart pumps in his ears.

_This isn't happening._

Pj gets taken around another corner.

_This can't be happening._

Pj swallows. There are tears in his eyes and he refuses to let them escape. Strong.

_I don't deserve this._

Troye lets go of his hand, and puts it against a wooden door.

Troye looks up at him.

'Hannah had to heal him first. I got him out of the water a little too late. He got hypothermia, and then the cuts got infected.' Troye sighs. 'The reason we've been moving so slowly is because we had issues fucking keeping him alive, especially with hiding.'

Pj swallows.

'...But he's okay?'

Troye grins.

'See for yourself.'

Troye pushes open the door.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

The door shuts behind Pj. He keeps his eyes shut.

Pj starts crying.

He'd just began to accept Chris's death as a finality. When he opens his eyes, Pj's heart could be broken all over again. Pj can't take being broken again, he doesn't have the strength to put himself back together again, and he doesn't want to ask for more help. 

Pj's mind clears. 

If Pj gets even more broken, then he'll put himself back together, using everything he's got. 

_Keep going. When you're scared, keep going, because that's how you become strong._

Pj opens his eyes. 

His heart stops again. 

Chris is on the bed, laying sweetly and peacefully. 

He can hear Hannah, Troye, Connor, and Ingrid talking behind him.

Pj walks forwards, holding himself together, and finds himself at Chris's side. He checks for breathing, and finds warm exhalation. 

Alive.

Pj thinks back to the first time he saw him. He compares them in his head.

Chris pretending to be someone else. Cocky Chris, Chris that made him laugh.

Then there was the Chris that understood and could read him like a book.

Then there was the Chris that read him like a book, but the book changed. It was a book with delicate pages and Chris flicked through him with a level of gentleness that Pj didn't imagine him possessing.

The Chris that picked a noble cause, and as Pj thought, died for it. A hero, an icon, a drama queen.

This Chris is sleeping.

Chris's body radiates heat.

Pj's mouth opens.

'I love you.' He feels tears. 'I love you.' He repeats.

He kneels at Chris's bedside.

'I thought you were dead. I thought you were dead, and I still loved you. I thought you were going to kill me for a while, because I didn't know how to live like this without you. But I loved you, so I carried on, you'd want me too. In the end, all you wanted was for all of us to make it. You wanted us to help each other, I helped Dan.' Pj chokes. 'I'm here.'

'You managed.'

Chris's eyes stay shut. His lips barely part, his words are whispers.

His words are words. 

Pj starts bawling. The guilt and memories he's been repressing flood back.

'You're alive.'

Pj leans up and cups his jaw. He studies his face again and again. He feels rough skin and softer lips under his thumb.

He feels energy jumping out of him and into Chris, through his skin. 

'I tried.' Chris coughs. 'I promised to make it back to you, didn't I? I said I'd make it...'

Chris's eyes finally open. He takes in the sight of Pj and he feels something new.

He feels home.

Pj has a hand over his mouth and another on Chris's face.

'I love you.' Pj repeats.

'I love you too.'

Pj leans down and kisses him.

The energy saps out of Pj and into Chris. Chris begins to kiss back.

Pj's mind is blown, and his lips brush against his ghost's.

Pj becomes more and more exhausted.

Pj pinches his own arm again.

This is real.

Slowly, Pj's eyes want to shut. His guilt fades to dust, and he's left feeling content again. Free.

'Pj?' Chris asks, pulling away from the kiss.

Pj passes out. Chris catches him, pulling him up onto the bed with both arms.

Chris checks his pulse, and that familiar beat is still there.

Chris lays Pj next to him.

Chris analyzes his face, over and over. He looks thinner, there's more stubble on him. But he's Pj, he's his Pj.

Chris feels freer for the lack of pain, his body isn't on fire anymore. Pj continues to be his antidote.

It almost feels like no time passed at all. It feels like nothing changed, and they haven't changed. Chris feels timeless.

Chris shuts his eyes.

Chris falls into a natural sleep.

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

  
Phil can barely breathe. He wants to put his whole soul into kissing Dan.

Dan pulls away, and Phil is panting.

Dan's voice is hoarse.

'Not that I haven't been dreaming of that or anything, but what the fuck? How are you-'

'Troye.' Phil interrupts. 'He rescued me and Chris. They saw our verdict whilst hiding out. They were close enough to get to us.'

Dan nods. 'Right?'

'Troye waited until we were both under the water, then he'd breathe for us-' Phil grins. '-He gave us mouth to mouth essentially

'-Doesn't that mean you kissed Troye before you kissed me?'

'Don't say that. Connor might send an army of fish after you.'

Dan snorts.

'An army of fish?'

'He's a water user. He likes the sea. Fish live in the sea. I think it works.'

Dan grins. 'Right.'

'He got me out, then left me with Connor whilst he went and got Chris.' Phil inhales. 'Except Chris was under longer, and it was colder at that point. I had the sun out, Chris didn't. Troye was fine, Chris wasn't.'

Dan frowns, he nods for more information.

Phil continues. 'We had to hide out, and try and nurse Chris. We barely stayed hidden. We were in the other nation.'

'Same nation now.'

Phil rolls his eyes. 'Forgive me for not being up to date. I've been dead for a month.'

Dan laughs, Phil feels his heart begin to heal.

'Chris started to get a bit better. We managed to get some words out of him. When they announced the pardon of all the other abnormals, we knew we could use Troye and Connor to move us around.'

Dan nods. 'You wanted to find Hannah, so she could help Chris.'

Phil smiles. 'We didn't even know where you two were. We had no idea that Hannah had found you both first. When we got here, Ingrid pretty much was already running away to get you both.'

Dan chuckles. 'She was still running when she got to us.'

Phil grins. 'She seems nice.'

Dan frowns.

'She is.'

Dan smiles at Phil again, and it feels natural to pull him in for a hug.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Hannah is heavy, she needs sleep. She spent too much energy trying to heal Phil and Chris.

When she peaked into Chris's room, she came to the conclusion that Chris must be okay. Pj looked cold, she put a blanket over him. Chris was already holding him close.

The day feels fake.

Good things like this don't happen.

Bad things happen to good and bad people. That's the way the world works, it always has.

She stares down and Pj moves closer to Chris.

_Maybe the world is changing._

Chris frowns in his sleep.

_Maybe it already has._

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris wakes up before Pj does.

He frowns. There's no pain. Before, everything was hurting.

He smiles at Pj.

He forgets how good of a medicine his lover is.

Chris moves out a hand.

The door opens.

He stares at the empty space behind it.

Chris grins.

He moves his hand again.

The door closes.

_I'm back._

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj opens his eyes.  
  
He looks at Chris. His eyes widen.

'Seriously? Was that not a...' Pj stops. He swallows.

Chris snorts, he's come to terms with his still being alive. He's hugged Phil until Phil couldn't breathe, he's cried about it.

'No Love. It was real. I'm here...' Chris chuckles.

Pj raises an eyebrow at him.

'It's more likely that I've gone super, incredibly, mad than we're both still alive. You died because you tried too hard to save everyone, you died. You seriously got killed.' Pj chews on his lip. 'You said you would die to keep us all living, a fucking stupid move that got you killed. No good comes from sacrifice, you should work as a team, help each other. There's no way we all made it.' Pj points out. He whispers to himself. 'No way.'

Chris giggles. 'I'm alive Pj.'

Pj shakes his head.

'I so don't believe it.' Pj leans up and looks down at Chris. 'I'll pretend for a while though.'

He bends back down and kisses Chris's neck.

Chris giggles at it. Each hot press feels more like normality, like love, and he could close his eyes, and sleep forever.

Chris throws his head back, and embraces each kiss like a tattoo.

'Could you do that if I wasn't here?' Chris asks.

Pj stops kissing him. He pulls back up, he rests on his elbows and looks Chris in the eyes.

'I don't know what to believe.' Pj murmurs.

Chris reaches out, and takes his hand.

'Yourself.' He whispers. 'Believe yourself.'

Pj's face changes from a frown, to an eyebrow raise, to a smile.

'You're really alive?' Pj asks.

Chris slowly nods at him.

Pj slowly blinks. 'That's super amazing.' Pj points out.

Chris laughs. 'Is it?'

Pj thinks back to the hell of the last month. He frowns again.

Pj gets pissed off.

'Actually, fuck you for not telling me you were okay.'

Chris flinches. 'I couldn't-'

'-I know you couldn't. You'd get caught or some shit. I've been hurt and Dan's been hurt and my families been hurt and your families been hurt. You hurt us all to fuel your own sense of self worth, to a degree, I understand sacrifice, but sacrifice is give and take. It fucking sucks-'

Pj cuts himself off when he sees the look on Chris's face. His eyes are wide and mouth slightly open. They're both leaning up in bed now.

'What?' Pj demands..

'Did you say my family?'

Despite every second of pain he's gone through, Pj still smiles.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris can't come to grips with him surviving. He doesn't remember a lot of the process, it was bumpy and hot and sticky.

He went to war, nearly died, and got captured. He was saved, to only be nearly killed again, and then saved.

He's not got a grip of his own head yet. He's not sure if he can comprehend it. Everything's changing quickly and loudly.

Is he going home?

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

  
Pj isn't sure what he feels better. It's hard to determine.

Chris is alive. Chris is with him.

Chris was saved.

It's a blessing, even though Pj had done horrible things and had horrible thoughts, he never intends to let Chris go again.

Chris won't be his personal demon anymore, they can be each other's salvation.

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

  
Over the last month, Chris nearly died, and he got saved. He woke up to see Phil's face in front of him, death seemed warm. Connor and Troye were there, and he started crying, he didn't want them to be dead. His body was on fire, and Chris thought he might be damned. It turned out to be a fever.

Chris had nearly died again, and Phil had ripped part of his hair out in frustration. Phil's best friend was dying, for real, and they had no way of telling people they were alive.

The announcement reached Troye whilst he patrolled. Chris's words saved the abnormals. Chris helped them end up free. Chris did something good.

After that, They traveled. Chris doesn't remember much of the journey. Chris wasn't mobile, he got dragged there in a cart. Phil could barely walk. They stayed hidden.

He remembers Phil talking to him on the way. 'We're going to find them.' He'd whispered. 'We're going to be okay.'

Chris remembers not moving for anyone. Hannah's healing hands on him, unfamiliar voices mixed with those he's known for years. He knows all of this, but it plays in him.

Until he heard his voice and he knew he had to listen for him. He had to listen for Pj.

This morning had felt like bliss. He'd been able to return Phil's hugs for the first time since the attempt on their lives. He'd been able to wipe Dan's tears, when he started shedding them from happiness. He'd been able to hold Pj's hand and whisper to him.

It felt like Chris really did come back from the dead.

'This has got to be imaginary.' He whispers to himself.

Chris doesn't recall ever feeling this good. It's like someone sang into his bloodstream, he's filled with sunlight.

Chris doesn't recall ever feeling this nervous.

'It isn't.' Pj reassures him. 'To the best of my knowledge.'

'But...But I just got you back. There's no way...'

Chris looks up at what might have been his childhood home

'Oh believe me, I'm not sure I believe it either.' Pj responds.

Chris laughs.

'I was always determined to make it back to you.' Chris says. He takes in the sight of the house again. 'I never thought I'd make it here.'

Pj steps forward, and takes his hand. It's still hot from his fever.

'I hoped you would.' Pj tells him.

Chris smiles. 'Me too.'

Pj nods, he squeezes his hand. 'Are you ready?'

Chris shakes his head. 'Not even close.'

Pj stares at him. He takes it in again.

He's here isn't he? This isn't just a twisted dream.

Pj still feels guilt and loss deep in his stomach. But Chris lifts him up.

He doesn't care if it's imaginary, he doesn't care if it's fake, it's good enough for him. He'll get better with this. He'll get better with Chris.

In a world where people have special abilities, where they had to fight a war, where so many horrible things happened, Pj can take this miracle.

'Chris... You want this... You've told me before you wanted this.' Pj tells him.

Chris stares back at him. Chris is starting to feel the world around him, feel a little less normal again. He's abnormal again, and happy about it.

He's got Pj back.

Chris looks into his eyes, and Pj looks back.

Chris lets go of his hand, it falls back to Pj's side.

The steps Chris takes are hard and even paced. He's not sure if he's looking forward to this or not. It could go a lot of different ways.

Chris is at the door. He debates looking back at Pj one last time, and doesn't.

He knocks.

His heart beats so hard in his chest.

What if they hate him? What if they think he's lying? He thinks Pj's not even sure if he's lying. 

His heart stops.

The door begins to open.

There's a woman standing in front of him.

She raises an eyebrow up at him.

'Hello?' She asks.

Chris takes her in. She's shorter than him, and her eyes are wet. She doesn't smile. Her dress is old, and slightly frayed.

Chris swallows. It's her.

'I bring news.'

She continues to look at him with a raised eyebrow.

'Of?'

'Your son.'

She flinches, she reaches out to close the door.

'I know of his death. You needn't waste your breath-'

'-He isn't dead.'

She freezes. Staring up at him with wide eyes.

She shakes her head.

'Don't break people's hearts like that. The joke isn't worth it. You may be a parent someday, and I hope you'll understand.'

Chris's eyes widen. Can't she see him?

'I'm not joking.'

'My son is dead.'

Chris chokes.

'Your son came back.'

She stares up at him. Chris can see the hope, and the dread, in her eyes.

Somebody else walks in.

'Mum, who's-'

She stops. Her eyes widen, and her mouth falls.

'No fucking way.'

Chris's mother turns to her child.

'I'll wash your mouth out with soap Emily. Stop that language.'

Chris laughs. 'So mums, _do_ do that.'

Emily looks at him.

'Mum, that's Chris.' She points at her brother. 'You know, the dead one that you don't stop talking about.'

Emily peeks around her brother.

'Oh look, what a surprise, there's his boyfriend.' She waves at Pj, Pj shrugs before waving back.

Chris's mother turns to her son.

She looks him over.

He's the right age. He's the right everything. Emily's seen footage of him.

Is this him? Is this son?

'How?' She breathes.

'Actually, that's a good question.' Emily pipes in.

Chris spends his time looking at Emily. So he does have a sister. He was right.

She's grown up.

'A friend. He can breathe underwater. He saved me and Phil. We've been hiding. But, with the abnormal pardoning, we could move. I found my friend Hannah, she's a healer, she'd found Pj-' Chris smiles. He whispers. '-And he'd found you.'

Chris's mother has tears running down her cheeks.

She puts a hand on Chris's face.

'You're here?' She asks.

Chris nods. 'It's been a while hasn't it?'

'Twenty one years.' She smiles. 'I could count the days Chris, my Baby Boy.'

Chris smiles. 'I'm not a baby anymore.'

'Don't worry, she calls me a baby too.' Emily joins in.

Chris and Emily's mother starts crying.

'You're both my babies.' She pulls Chris down for a hug. 'I just didn't get to raise you.' Chris is in shock, he doesn't return the hug. 'I got to have you for six years and five months, and then I took you to school one Friday and you never came back.'

It hurts. It hurts hearing his story from someone else's mouth.

'I needed to be controlled. I nearly killed someone that day-'

'-You needed help. Everyone needs love.' She pulls away. She puts a her hands on either side of his face. 'You needed your mother.'

Chris stares at her.

He realizes just how much he could have had.

He starts sobbing.

'He managed.' Emily points out, seeing her mother cry had been bad, she doesn't know how to deal with Chris. Emily smiles at him when Chris frowns at her.

'I tried.' He chokes out.

'You tried pretty hard, I'd say you made it.' Emily shrugs. 'You have Pj, you have your friend... Phil? Right? You have your head, and your strength. You made it back to here.'

'He's home-' His mother starts. She takes her hands off his face.

'-No, he's not.' Her words get Chris's attention. 'Home won't be here for him. It'll be with other people.' She raises an eyebrow at him. 'Have you found them?'

His mother scans his face. She feels like she's getting him back and already losing him.

Chris smiles. He wipes at his own tears.

'Yes. I think I have.'

His mother looks at his face again, she realizes that the only way she's going to get to keep him, is if she meets him halfway.

'Do you want to introduce me?' She asks.

Chris turns around and looks at Pj.

'Of course.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris had been expecting his mother to a degree.

He hadn't been expecting his sister.

'I already know Pj. We drank together.' Emily grins.

'It was great. I got emotional.' Pj adds.

'To be honest, he let you think he was dead. That wasn't your fault.'

Pj smiles. 'I know right? What an super arsehole.'

Chris rolls his eyes. He has an arm around Pj. He pulls him closer.

'I didn't mean to! I thought I was going to die too.'

Pj spots his bracelet still resting on Chris's wrist. He's been with Chris this whole time, he remembers that.

'It's okay. I forgive you.' Pj holds his hand. 'Don't do it again.'

'Never.'

He kisses Pj's cheek.

Emily compares this Pj to the empty one she'd known. It's a good contrast. She wishes that it never goes back to before.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'You grew so much... I can hardly believe it. This has to be a dream...' His mother repeats.

Chris finds is easy to smile.

'It's not.'

'I know it's not. All my dreams were less detailed than this... I just can't believe you're my little boy...or you used to be...'

Chris grimaces.

'I can't believe it either sometimes.'

She puts a hand on his shoulder.

'You've come a long way. Things only go up from here.'

Chris looks into his mother's eyes. Then he looks back at Pj, who's laughing at Chris's little sister.

Chris never even thought he'd make it here. This place was a fantasy growing up.

Chris doesn't know if he deserves more, or if he can have more.

But if he can make Pj happy, then he will. He'll give them both something better than what they got used to.

That becomes Chris's next promise, to keep the home that freedom gave him. 

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

  
Pj knows his life has sunk dramatically when his good days feel like dreams.

Today has felt a little unreal.

He just left the home of Chris's family, the family Chris has never really met.

Chris still looks mildly scared. He's not said anything since his farewells.

They're going to stop at Pj's home, before heading back to everyone at the bakery.

'That went okay. Right?' Pj asks. They walk side by side. Pj's still feeling this whole thing out, sometimes it's like they were never apart, sometimes it's like it was years.

Chris nods.

'I just... That happened. They're alive.' Chris chokes a bit on the end of the words, his voice breaks.

'Were you expecting them to be dead?' Pj asks.

Chris shakes his head.

'I didn't think I'd ever see them again Pj.'

He turns around and stops walking. He faces Pj.

Pj smiles. 'Yes?'

Chris grins.

'I was born here, and you were born here. I never thought I'd make it out, but I did. I never thought I'd fall in love, but I did. I never thought I'd see Phil this happy, but I have.' Chris smiles. 'I never thought I'd do anything but survive, but you showed me how to live. You've proven me wrong, in everything...'

Pj stares at him.

_He's here. He's real isn't he?_

Pj gets a second chance.

Pj steps forward and kisses him.

For the first time in months, he feels weightless.  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj holds Chris's hand, nothing is going to tear them apart, Pj won't let that happen again.

'This is where I grew up.' Pj tells Chris, they're walking through an open gate. There's no animals anymore, so they don't have to worry about shutting it.

Chris smiles.

'You made it home.'

Pj shakes his head.

'There's no such thing as home without you. Not anymore.'

Chris raises an eyebrow at him.

'What does that mean?'

Pj shrugs.

'When I came back, nothing felt right. Your little sacrifice destroyed me, and made me realize just how much you mean to me.' Pj turns to glare at him. 'I get why you did it. But you half killed me, so can you do me a favor and consider yourself as a person now? Be a bit less selfless? I need you to be super selfish, because there's nothing wrong with that.' 

Chris raises his eyebrows. 'You want me to be selfish?' 

'I want you to take care of yourself, and not put yourself at risk to ease your guilt.' Pj sighs. 'We both need to deal with guilt, but I think we should help each other, not hurt ourselves trying to hold it alone.'

'What does _that_ mean?'

Pj smiles. 

'I guess it means I'm yours, if you didn't already know that.' 

'I quite like hearing it again.'

'I'm yours.'

'Don't push it.'

They both laugh.

'Peej! Dan! Is that you?'

Pj recognizes Sophie's voice. She comes around the corner, mouth in a smile.

The smile melts, she frowns at the stranger in front of her.

The one holding hands with Pj.

'Heya Soph.' Pj greets.

She raises an eyebrow at Pj.

'Do you want to explain what's going on...' Sophie asks. 'Or are you going to continue to be a drama queen?'

Pj snorts.

'I need the drama-'

'-Pj Liguori.' She scolds.

Pj laughs.

He turns and looks at Chris, who's smiling back at him.

'You may recognize Chris Kendall.' Pj tells Sophie.

Sophie's eyes widen.

She looks directly at Chris.

'No fucking way...'

Chris shrugs.

'I got saved, came here as soon as I could-'

'-Pj thought you were dead.' Sophie interrupts.

'So did I, to be fair-'

'-But you upset Pj. I don't like it when people hurt Pj.'

Chris bites his lip. He looks at Pj, and then back at her.

She stares him down. Chris isn't intimidated, he can see all of her weak spots, he could break her, but he can't.

'I never want to hurt him again Sophie. '

Sophie watches the way Pj looks at Chris. The adoration, the care in that look.

'You'd better not hurt him again. Got it?'

Chris chuckles, she matches up to all expectations he had of her.

'I refuse to-'

'-As long as no one actually dies.' Pj adds.

Chris grimaces. 'I hope no one dies.'

'You've both seen enough death to last for centuries.' Sophie concludes.

They both silence at the truth in that.

She flinches internally, she tries not to let it show. Chris spots the entire thing. She smiles.

Chris analyzes her.

Her smile is larger on the left side. _Fake._

She's looking at Chris more than Pj. _Scared? Intimidated?_  

Shoulders back. Straight posture. _Strong._

'Your mother's been worried.' Sophie tells Pj. 'You should tell her you're fine.'

'What are you? My boss.'

She laughs. _Real._

'You seem better.' Sophie comments. 'Everyone will be happy about that.'

'Been worried too?'

Sophie starts walking backwards, when she sees them walking after, she turns around. She shouts over her shoulder.

'Of course. Though, you've been better the last week or two. I don't think Jamie or Louis could have dealt with you being the same as the first week. They would have broken themselves to fix you.'

Her whole body perked on the name Louis. Chris smirks to himself.

'That's because they have no sense.' Pj retorts. 

'Says the guy that dated his teacher.'

Chris snorts.

'She has a point.'

Pj shrugs. 'You should hear about _her_ love life.'

Sophie turns back around.

'Don't you dare.'

'You started it.'

'Did not.'

'Did too.'  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj's mother had held Pj close.

'Don't scare me like that again.'

'I won't Mum.'

She rubs his back.

He bites his lip.

'Chris is alive Mum.' Pj tells her. He feels her flinch. They pull away.

'How?'

'He was pulled out of the water.'

She smiles.

'Is he going to fix your heart?' She asks.

Pj smiles back, for the first time in a long time, it's genuine.

'I think he's going to help.'

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

  
Then Pj had been able to introduce Chris to Louis, Jamie, and Sophie, but Chris can wait a while before meeting his blood family.

It'd been something he'd imagined over and over.

It's real.

Chris is alive and it makes everything a little bit more okay. One less person killed by a war they didn't choose to fight. Pj's can fix himself better with Chris here, then he can start off helping Chris heal, then Dan, maybe Phil. He can pull them through.

He's been liberated from any chains put on him.

Now he's got to liberate himself from the ones he created, and they are the hardest ones to cut.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

It takes Chris about ten seconds of seeing Sophie and Louis together to know something is up there.

He says nothing. If he's learnt anything in his life, it's when to keep your mouth shut. He's learnt recently when to open it. He thinks that's Pj's fault.

A lot is Pj's fault. The fact that he opened up his heart and let his pupils in. The fact that he fought to stay alive. The fact that he was alone on the front-line, because there was no way he was letting Pj get hurt.

The fact that he's happier than ever, is most likely Pj's fault. Maybe Phil's, maybe other people, maybe fate, maybe not

Pj laughs at Jamie's joke, and Chris wonders if it might be the most relieving thing he's ever heard.  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'It's going to get dark soon, we'd better head back.' Pj says to Chris.

Chris takes his hand.

'Okay.'

After Pj says his temporary goodbyes, they leave.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

They've been walking for a few minutes. It's still surreal to have Chris near to him.

'I can't believe I've only cried the once.'

Chris snorts.

'I don't think I've properly cried, like sobbing, since Jack gave me this.' Chris holds up his wrist, showing the bracelet Pj knows so well. 'And maybe a bit on the day I was supposed to die. I think that's acceptable.'

Pj slowly nods.

'It's understandable.'

They walk in silence for a few moments more.

Pj squeezes Chris's hand tighter, and Chris squeezes back.

'This whole thing is weird.' Pj comments.

'How so?'

'Happy things don't happen to us.' Pj tells him. 'It's happy that you're alive. I think that's why I'm having issues believing-'

'-Because people that are different are never happy?' Chris interrupts. The old mantra flows easily on his lips, overthinking that might be the cause of his next headache.

'They can be though. It's just that misery gets so beaten into us that we forget what happiness feels like.'

Chris stares at him, his mouth curls upwards. Pj's looking straight ahead as they walk, hands still linked.

'I spent a long time in misery.' Chris says, looking at Pj. 'You helped me out of it.'

Pj finally looks at Chris. 'I did?'

'You gave me somebody to love.' Chris smiles. 'I think that's what I needed, I needed you. I needed to care again.'

'You cared before me.' Pj points out.

Chris nods. 'I did. You're not wrong, but I've never had anyone the way I have you now. It's amazing, and completely mad. I needed it. It's helped me.'

Pj laughs. 'What has it helped you with?'

Chris frowns at him. 'Don't you get it?'

Pj shakes his head.

Chris answers his question.

'You helped me learn how to risk my heart. That's what I needed, I needed risk again, because if I didn't take risks and move on, then I'd still be in that tower. Risk is so good. You're my risk.' Chris concludes.

Pj's frown turns into a smile.

'I can own that title. Pj Liguori, _Risk Turned Man_.'

'You should do.'

Pj pulls Chris closer to him, they stop walking.

Chris smirks at him.

'Any reason for that Pj?' Chris asks.

'Can I kiss you?'

Chris chuckles.

'Always.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Pj!'

Pj knows it's Dan within a split of a second. He lets go of Chris's hand.

Dan runs into Pj's arms, Pj graciously holds him back.

'You okay Dan?' Pj asks.

Dan laughs into his neck.

'Maybe?'

Pj steps back, pulling away, he keeps a hand on Dan's shoulder. He doesn't have to fight for eye contact.

Chris smiles whilst watching.

'What's wrong?' Pj asks.

'Nothing.' Dan answers. 'I'm just in shock.'

Pj snorts. 'I feel that.'

Dan nods at him with wide eyes. 'I'm not sure if I believe it. Chris wouldn't want us to be this naive.'

Chris giggles. 'I'm right here Spork.'

The nickname cuts into Dan. His face crumples.

'I hope you are.' Dan answers. 'But what the hell have I done to deserve the two of you coming back?'

Chris shrugs.

He takes a tentative step towards Dan.

'I think sometimes, things just happen Dan. Maybe we get this for free, maybe this can be simple'

Dan swallows and nods, Chris hugs him.

Pj can't quite figure out why those words seem so important.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
They return to the bakery. Dan enters first, followed by Pj, followed by Chris.

Connor is behind the counter, helping Ingrid.

'I'm not exactly sure when my home became an abnormal hide out...' She mocks a sigh.

Connor chuckles. 'Sorry.'

Ingrid giggles. 'Don't be. I was bored.' She turns her attention to Chris. 'Phil's in the back room. Hannah's healing him up, they're trying to get his ability back-'

'-I got mine back.'

'-You lost it?' Pj inquires. Chris grins at him.

'You're the best healer I know Babe.'

Pj rolls his eyes. Ingrid laughs.

'How's Sophie?' She asks Pj. 'I haven't seen her for a while.'

Pj shrugs. 'Sophie's just Soph. She's okay as far as I know.'

'Still a pain?' Ingrid jokes.

Pj nods. 'One of my favourite ones.'

Ingrid smiles at him. 'She used to call you that.'

Pj's eyebrows raise. 'She did?'

'When we were all in school, if you, or Louis, or Jamie, came up in discussion in an all girl lesson, she'd say that. You're her favourite annoyances.'

Pj grins. 'I'm going to use that against her.'

'I'd expect no less. Go check on Phil.'

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Phil's laying down with his eyes closed. Hannah has a hand on him, and a book in the other. It's an antique one, Pj can't read what's on the front, but the pages are in tact.

'Is he dead?' Chris asks.

Phil opens a single eye. 'Unfortunately, no.'

Chris laughs. 'I swear to god we're morphing.'

Phil rolls his eyes. 'Kill me.'

Chris smiles. He forgets there's anyone there expect Phil.

'I'd kill _for_ you.' 

Phil blinks at him.

'You have killed for me.' Phil points out. 'More than once.'

Chris shrugs. 'I love you, of course I did.'

Phil shakes his head. 'I love you too, you'll never have to kill again.'

'Our war is over.' Hannah comments, she puts her book down. 'Or at least, it is on paper. It's up to us now.'

Chris smiles. 'We going to get into some mind and self shit now?'

'I've always wanted to try yoga.' Phil comments.

'I already have, it's pretty fun.' Pj interrupts.

Chris turns to him with wide eyes. 'You've tried yoga?'

Pj smirks. 'How do you think I ended up so flexible?'

Dan cackles. 'I'm going to go throw up now.'

'I would too, but Hannah says I can't move-'

'-I can't exactly heal you if you're moving.' She points out. Phil sighs.

'But Chris is about to say something disgusting.' Phil whines.

Chris scoffs. 'Was not.'

Phil raises an eyebrow at him. 'Don't mess with me.'

'...I might have been about to say something disgusting.'

Phil nods at him. 'Thank you for your honesty.'

'It's not my fault he's hot.'

Phil snorts. 'I'm going to stop you there.'

'Someone should.'

Pj shakes his head at him. 'We're all going to.'

Chris turns and grins at his boyfriend.

'You know, I nearly died. I thought maybe you'd be nicer to me for a while.'

Pj rolls his eyes again, taking a step closer to him, he kisses Chris on the cheek.

'Now will you shut up?'

Chris grins at him.

'Not if you'll do that again.'

 ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

They can't get Phil's ability back, Pj and Hannah try to give it their everything, but there's nothing to heal.

Phil's never been so alone in his own head before, the world has never looked so bland.

He's completely blind of everything. He doesn't know what Chris is feeling, whether Dan does want him back, whether the black spot in Pj's aura is still there.

'Is this how normal people work?' Phil asks again.

Chris sits next to his bed. Everyone's left them alone.

'Looks like it.'

Phil nods. 'How dull.'

Chris laughs. 'It could be a blessing not getting it back, no more side effects.'

Phil rolls his eyes. 

Phil knows he's different. He knows that this could have benefits, but he feels wrong in his head. Phil Lester isn't normal. 

'I am a side effect, I want my ability back. It's a part of me.'

Chris takes one of Phil's hands. 'Okay.' Chris breathes. 'That's our next aim. Okay? You're okay.'

Phil slowly nods, when Chris repeats his words, it normally means he's insecure. 'How are you feeling?'

Chris frowns, he ends up smiling. 'That might be the first time you've ever asked me that.'

Phil smiles. 'It wouldn't be the first time you've avoided answering that question.'

'I wasn't avoiding it. I was making a statement-'

'-Chris...'

'Fine.' Chris rolls his eyes. He bites his lip. 'I'm good. Genuinely. It's all a little too good though. I've never expected a happy ending.'

Phil smiles. 'Me neither.'

Chris holds his hand tighter. Phil closes his eyes.

Something feels odd within Chris, it's like his body is complaining, whining, slowing down, shutting down. His eyelids are growing heavier. He yawns.

Phil opens an eye, and stares at him.

'Chris...Are you tired?'

Chris bites his lip. He frowns.

'I don't know...'

Phil smiles at him.

'Lay next to me, if you fall asleep, you might be.'

Chris follows orders.

When he falls asleep completely naturally at Phil's side, Phil beams.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Sophie sits on the doorsteps to Louis's house. She looks up at the moon, her brow is creased, she's biting at her nails.

Louis watches her for a second, taking her in. He takes slow steps, and sits next to her. Her eyes stay locked on the night.

Louis pulls the hair away from her neck, kissing her exposed skin.

Sophie leans her head to the other side, giving him more space to do it. She closes her eyes, finally.

His kisses are light, and hot, and they ground her.

'I love you.' She whispers.

He pulls away.

'I love you too.'

She turns and kisses his mouth. She loves confessing that, they do it nightly. It makes him feel like hers, it keeps her excited.

'Pj and Dan clearly aren't coming home tonight.' She comments.

Louis slowly nods. 'It was a big event for them. This changes everything.'

Sophie smirks.

'We're completely alone...' She points out.

When Louis smirks back, she knows she's going to have fun tonight.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The next morning, Pj wakes Chris with a kiss.

'Come on, we're heading back to the farm. I need to have a chat with my parents.' Pj tells him.

Chris is sleepy still. 'About?'

'Whether you can stay or not. We have the room, but they need to be convinced we'll do the work.'

'I'm telekinetic.'

'I didn't say it was going to be a _long_ chat.' 

Chris giggles. Pj shakes his head. Phil starts stirring as well.

Pj thinks about it all.

'Did you sleep last night Chris? Like, normally?'

Chris frowns. 'Must have.' He snorts. 'Lets see how long that lasts.'

Pj ends up laughing too. The tone of Chris's voice makes him recall the last month.

'I missed you so much.' Pj tells him.

Chris watches his smile, and hopes he never has to say that again.

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Are you guys coming back tonight?' Ingrid asks.

Chris and Phil are getting cloaked up. They're supposed to be dead, it's best to stay hidden from the world.

Pj and Dan will gladly fight to keep them secret.

'We either come back as a group, or we get allowed to stay there.' Pj answers. 'The second one would be super nice. But we'll come back as soon as possible anyway, I want to see you all some more. '

Ingrid smiles. 'How soon will you be back?'

Pj smiles back.

'Either today or tomorrow.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

 

Phil and Chris walk side by side. Pj walks slightly ahead, Dan slight to the side.

They feel like a unit, but they know they're missing parts.

'Do you reckon we'll ever hear from Zoe or Emma?' Dan asks.

Pj shrugs.

'I hope so. Considering that we didn't think we were going to see anyone else ever again, I'm not so sure that we should bother thinking about it.'

'It'd be nice though.' Dan responds.

'Course.' Pj snorts. 'I think my parents would be annoyed if I brought back anymore strays.'

'Sorry.' Phil interrupts. 'I would try and find my family, if I knew how.'

Pj turns back, he sees Chris put a hand on Phil's shoulder.

'We'll figure something out.' Chris tells him. Phil solemnly nods.

'You're from the lakes right?' Dan asks.

Phil stares at him. The world is far too blank, he's never seen such little colour.

'Yes.'

'Maybe we could use the sector shuttles?' Dan suggests. 'Or the mail system. We might be able to track them down.'

Phil grimaces. 'They think I'm dead. Still do.'

Chris puts a hand on his arm. 'Phil, take it a day at a time. You know what happens when you go after everything at once.'

'You loose it all.' Phil promptly answers.

Dan and Pj exchange a frown.

Chris grins at him.

'We'll get there, but we'll take our time. Small steps, do it safe. Get ourselves together. Yeah?' Chris asks him.

Phil quickly nods.

'We could probably walk to the lakes if we needed to.' Pj points out.

'We have a cart.' Chris jokes. Phil chuckles.

'We have a list of goals then.' Dan tells them.

'We always did. We've just crossed off a fuckload.' Chris answers.

Pj spots the farm in the distance.

'Time to cross off another.'  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Louis spots the four of them walking to the entrance of the farm. He sneaks away from the harvest, and goes to meet them.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Hello Dan, Pj, Chris, and I'm guessing Phil.' Louis says. Pj laughs.

'Hello?' Phil responds. 'And yes?'

Louis nods. He turns to Pj.

'Your parents are at home. The rest of us are working, it's their break.' Louis tells him.

Pj gives him a thumbs up.

He turns to the others to tell them his plan.  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Pj?'

Pj smiles, he can feel himself becoming more defensive.

He's strong again.

He's not scared anymore.

He's stood alone, he'd wanted to face his parents with this by himself.

'I want Chris and Phil to stay here, with me, and Dan.' Pj tells them.

His father raises his eyebrows, his mother nods, expecting it.

'Son, that may not be wise. They're supposed to be dead, for valid reasons.' His mother points out.

Pj keeps on smiling, he glares at them both. The lack of glint in his eyes, has been replaced with a burning conviction.

'Are you really going to trust the government that took the four of us away in the first place?' Pj argues.

'That was the old government-'

'-They're all the same.' Pj defies them.

'This government gave you back to us.'

Pj looks between his two parents.

His father's brown concerned eyes, his mother's green ones.

It's right for them to think he belongs with them.

It's right for him to know he doesn't. His loyalties lay with others, the ones that will always be able to understand his guilt and feelings. The different belong together, the different should support each other, and that's how change will happen. 

_The different belong together._

His smile grows.

When he's with Chris, Phil, and Dan. He knows who he is.

'I will leave.' Pj tells them. 'I love you both, I love everyone here.' Pj bites his lip. 'But they are more to me. They are so understanding, and they will never be scared of me, unlike you. So I'm not gonna lie, if they don't stay too, I go, it's your choice.' Pj pauses, he takes on both of the looks of their faces. 'I'm making it simple.'

His mother and father exchange a look.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj comes out of his old home with a grin on his face. Louis raises his eyebrows at him.

'Did you win?'

Pj nods.

'Oh yeah.'

'We can stay?' Chris asks.

'For as long as we want to.' Pj answers. He can see a little shock on Chris's face, he thinks we meant him and Phil in Chris's face.

When Chris smiles, Pj shrugs back.

'Cool, so you think if your parents let you bring a war criminal home, mine will let me bring home Sophie?' Louis jokes.

It hits Pj in two waves, he chuckles, and then he full out laughs.

Louis memorizes it, he hasn't see it since Pj left, a bit of his friend's happiness.

'I don't know Lou, but I wanna be there to see it.' Pj tells him.

Louis shrugs back.

'We should get you guys to work.'

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The day is a day of self proving. Phil and Chris work as hard as they can.

Phil finds the whole thing completely bizarre. He's meeting new people and he has no colour to think of them as. They're blank slates, he doesn't know who they are.

It's not freeing, it's suffocating.

He ends up imagining their colours as he works.

Pj's sister strikes him as a purple, he's met people with similar attitudes with that colour base.

Jamie, maybe a yellow? Perhaps a blue?

He's seen Sophie and Louis's before, they were the two people in the bushes. He wonders if their aura's stayed the same colours.

Is this how normals live? Do they not know anything? Is everything blind?

Phil's mind wonders through everything.

His brother is older than him. He might be in his thirties.

Phil might be an uncle. His brother might be dead, his brother could be anything.

If he stays here, will he ever find out.

But Chris is right, he just found Dan and Pj. Phil needs to heal, he needs to let the tension in the air die down. He needs a game plan before he tries to find his family.

His family might not even miss him, it's not worth getting killed over to try and find them this early.

Phil finds himself resenting Chris. His family are a few houses away, and he's not with them. He's not getting to know the sister that exists. He said her name was Emily.

The Chris he knew would be fighting to know Emily, seeing as Chris fought so hard to keep his family alive. The orders Chris obeyed, the things he did, in their basis, were to keep him and his family alive. 

But instead, Chris is here, working on a field.

Phil doesn't know why Chris is here, it's driving him up the wall.

Chris smiles at Pj again.

Phil flinches, Chris has got everything he's ever wanted.

Phil hasn't even got his ability. He's got Chris, Dan, and Pj. He feels selfish for wanting what Chris has, but he does.

He wants Dan, and his family, and a future, and his ability.

He wants that level of happiness.

He doesn't want to break.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Sun's going down.'

'You always were the observant one Lou.'

'Fuck off Peej.' Louis laughs.

Pj chuckles. Sophie appears at Pj's side.

'It's probably best we keep Phil and Chris away from our families for a while.' Sophie points out.

'You think?' Dan asks.

Sophie nods. Phil and Chris watch with curiosity.

'I can draw the line between what I think is acceptable and what isn't, I know where Phil and Chris's actions fall, and I can accept it. Our parents will take more convincing.'

'How come?' Chris dares to ask.

She turns to him, sizes him up again, smiles, and answers.

'Because I trust Pj, and they never thought to.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Our place?' Louis suggests. 'Seeing as it's where you're going to be living anyway.'

'It's a plan.' Pj answers.

They all begin to move, Chris takes Pj's hand and Pj squeezes it back.

Pj gets shoulder to shoulder with Chris, he leans and whispers.

'Are you okay?'

Chris squeezes his hand tighter as a response.

'Life's weird.' Chris quietly answers.

Dan makes a comment, Sophie laughs loudly. Louis smiles at her. Jamie and Phil watch with admiration.

'Maybe it is.' Pj murmurs. 'But we have a chance to do that thing now.'

Chris frowns. 'What thing?'

Pj grins. 'We can make it simpler. You on board?'

Chris stops frowning, it molds into a smile, his eyes are weird. It seems oddly easy for him, no falseness to it at all.

'I'll think about it.'

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'This should be good for you Chris, this house is closest to your family's farm, however, you'd have to go through the woods to get to it.' Louis points out.

'That should be good-'

'-It gives your mum a super ability to stalk me.' Pj jokes.

Sophie giggles. 'I doubt she would.'

'In her defense, she didn't really know how to respond to me coming back, and bringing my boyfriend with me.' Chris can't stop himself from smiling.

Dan snorts. 'Sympathetic stalking?'

'I thought she took it pretty well.' Pj adds. 'I mean, considering that they weren't exactly shy in sharing some of the stuff you've done, and it's not super hard to imagine it either. She took it miraculously well.'

'It makes sense. She'd rather he was alive and healthy than dead. It eases some of her own guilt about it all.' Phil concludes.

'I thought you couldn't read minds anymore?' Chris jokes.

Phil doesn't flinch, he laughs.

'You can imagine how she thinks, can't you?' Sophie asks.

'Empathize.' Louis interrupts.

Phil frowns. 'I'm guessing. Don't give me points for doing something normal, don't give me points for guessing.'  
From the look Louis and Sophie exchange, Phil thinks he might have upset them.

He can't tell though, because he's blind.

He isn't sure if Dan wants to kiss him again, whether he wanted to in the first place.

Phil closes his eyes, and he tries to breathe as he walks.

He can't handle normality.

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The house isn't that small. It's obviously built to be a family home.

'Who actually lives here?' Chris asks.

'Currently, just me, Pj, and Dan.' Louis answers, he looks at Sophie.

Jamie's still not with them, Sophie nods

'And Sophie, sometimes. But that's secret.' Louis tells them. He keeps his eyes on Sophie and bites his lip.

Chris snorts. 'Don't act so worried about it. My buddy here-' He gestures to Phil. '-and I can keep a fucking secret, we were trained for it, fucking hell.'

'In fact, he kept me and him a secret super well.' Pj reassures them.

'Joint effort.' Chris says. Pj rolls his eyes.

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris feels like these walls are strong. It's odd not being above the ground, he's level with it. Everything feels so much more natural, almost greener, organic.

The house is warmed by a fire place, which acts as a stove. Dan and Sophie started cooking as they walked in. Chris finds himself chuckling at the two of them, Sophie pushing him around to get to where she needs to be, and Dan being clumsy. Chris finds her and Louis agreeable, they seem strong. They're similar to Pj.

Jamie arrived a few minutes after they entered the house. He's talking to Pj, Chris isn't paying too much attention to what they're talking about. Pj has a hand on his knee, and he's close.

Chris doesn't know what the feel. There's nothing for him to worry about, or prepare himself for. There's no danger, or threat. He's supposed to be dead, if he stays quiet, and stays safe, he's free.

Chris still doesn't feel good. He has everything he's ever wanted, and that feels amazing, like a fire in his heart. But there's something else there.

_Am I ever going to be okay?_

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

  
Phil can't seem to focus on anything. There's no colour but the fire, and these voices are loud. Very loud.

He can't snap in front of strangers. He can't scream here.

Dan and Sophie are laughing. Pj and Jamie are talking. The fire is cracking, he's running out of air.

Chris isn't watching.

Phil's hand wonders to his forearm, and he begins to scratch.

It's grounding, and blissful. His skin flares with with red nail marks, eventually, pigments of blood raise to the surface.

He watches his nails drag over and over.

People carry on laughing. Nobody notices.

_Good._

Phil's temples ache.

He can't see. There's no colour. He has no reassurance. What if he's forever like this now? He can't cope like this, he's never had to.

What if his family is dead?

What if his friends are?

Chris doesn't even seem upset that his friends could be dead for all they know. They don't know where Zoe or Emma are. Mitchell, Tyler. Grace and Mamrie. So many names with question marks beside them.

If Chris and Phil being alive is a miracle, did they use up any miracles left? Are they alive and selfish?

Phil scratches harder.

He's supposed to be able to use his aura's to be able to help other people. That's his gift. Of course, his gift came with a curse, his mind reading and side effects.

But he's reliant on the auras.

And the side effects are worse without them. He can't think straight. Dan keeps shooting him looks, but he doesn't know what they mean. He doesn't know what anything means.

How the fuck is everyone laughing?

Pj killed someone. Dan killed someone, he saw it. Chris has killed many someones.

These other three, Pj's friends, they know that they're with murderers.

Why is everyone acting like they're okay?

Phil closes his eyes and focuses on his arm, the pain he's giving himself.

'Philly?'

Phil doesn't open his eyes. He carries on scratching. Some talking continues. Chris whispered his name.

A small movement, and quiet.

He hates quiet more than noise.

He carries on scratching. It's stinging.

Then there's a feather light touch on his forearm, and he can't scratch anymore.

He opens his eyes, Chris is in front of him, on his knees.

Phil looks into his best friend's eyes.

'It hurts.' Phil tells him.

A pause.

'I know.' Chris answers.

'I want it to stop.'

'It never will.' Chris tells him.

Phil laughs. There's silence now.

'Comforting.' Phil tells him.

Chris smiles.

'I guess I didn't have to tell the truth there, did I?'

Phil shakes his head. 'Tell me the truth.'

Chris nods.

'I don't feel right either. I don't know why. I have everything I've ever wanted. But I'm feeling odd again.' Chris shrugs.

Dan and Pj nod at each other. They walk to Chris and Phil, close and watching in case they're needed.

'If I had my ability, I could explain...' Phil's hand slowly draws back along his arm. 'I'm not worth anything anymore.'

Chris puts a hand on Phil's shoulder.

'You're worth something to me. Don't change who you are, because you're strange and mad and amazing to me.'

'I'm not special anymore though am I? I'm a broken thing, a freak. I have so much, and I'm asking for more. I'm not a good person Chris and-'

'-You don't have to be special to be worth something, even if you are different. And you're not a good person? Phil, I've never met a person like you. You're good to me-'

'-That's because you've always known me. You knew me before all the bad stuff-'

'-I knew you during all the bad stuff. You're good to me Phil.' Pj interrupts. 'You kept us on our toes, you kept us going, you kept me alive. You decided to keep going, through everything, and that's amazing. Despite how broken you feel, or how super shit everything is to you, you're still you.'

'But I'm normal again...' Phil defends.

Pj snorts. 'You're on a farm. You don't need to be abnormal here.'

'We manage.' Louis whispers. Phil sees Sophie smile at him.

'We'll get things to be better.' Dan finally adds. Phil looks at only him. Dan takes his hand, unsure of whether he should. 'We'll get rid of the guilt we have, yeah?'

Phil frowns at him.

'I'm not different anymore. Why the hell would you want me?'

'Because you're Phil.' Dan frowns back. 'Why would I want anyone else?'

Pj and Chris exchange a look, and hold back a laugh.

Phil smiles, and Dan smiles back. It feels like a kiss to his brain, and Phil can think again.

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Wait, so Dan and Phil are together, and so are Chris and Pj?' Jamie asks.

Sophie has her bowl of soup in her hands, as does everyone else.

Louis nods.

Pj leans over. 'Dan and Phil are in that kinda not official stage, so lets not push it.' He grins.

'I love pushing things though.' Sophie complains.

Pj shrugs. 'Don't we know-'

'-Don't sass me.'

Pj rolls his eyes. 'But it's what I _live for_.' 

'So you are like this with other people.' Chris interrupts. Pj turns and shrugs at him. Pj's been going between the two conversations.

'You bring out the worst in me.' Pj tells Chris.

Chris giggles. 'Nice.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

It's a meeting of two worlds for Pj.  
His best friends from childhood, and the friends that he found.

He'd lied to his parents, he couldn't just abandon Jamie, Sophie, and Louis. He couldn't.

He doesn't doubt that if he had to pick between them though, he'd pick Phil, Chris, and Dan. He's less at risk with them, and he nearly lost them once, he won't do it again.

These are the people that understand his guilt, and they are the ones that can help him.

Thank whoever he has to, that he didn't have to pick.

Phil ends up falling asleep on his seat, it's been a long day for him. Pj doesn't blame him. Dan's got an arm around him, and Chris has got their hands interlinked.

Pj thinks that his life has a few paths from here. The possibilities are endless, for once.

He gets to make some choices.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Jamie leaves. It's an early start again tomorrow.

As he says his goodbyes, Sophie has a sense of dread in her, Louis is quiet again.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj opens his bedroom door.

'So this is my room...'

'No shit.'

'Chris...'

Chris smiles. 'Sorry, I'm lashing out.'

Chris walks in, Pj shuts the door after him.

Chris waits for him to move, and is glad when he does.

Pj slowly takes each of Chris's hands and puts them over his shoulders. Pj walks Chris backwards, until Chris is back against a wall.

Pj presses a kiss to Chris's neck, he draws it out.

He pulls slightly away from Chris, only a centimeter.

'What are you lashing out against?' Pj asks.

He returns to kissing Chris's neck, putting them down quickly, and sweetly.

'Phil's upset, I'm scared, and I'm confused. It's like being caged all over again.'

Pj pulls away again.

'How can I make it better?'

He doesn't return to kissing his neck.

Chris runs a hand up Pj's back, he holds his jaw, before bringing his mouth to his.

They both shut their eyes into the kiss. Both of them fight for me, and forget to breathe. They pull away. Through pants of breath, Chris speaks again.

'Set me free again.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Phil is shaken awake by Dan.

Phil's eyes open slowly, blue and offended.

'What?' He asks.

Dan smiles at him.

'You need to sleep.'

'I was sleeping.'

'You need to sleep in a bed.'

'Dan...'

'Phil...' Dan mocks. Dan holds out a hand, Phil takes it, and Dan pulls him to his feet.

'Where am I going to be sleeping anyway?' Phil asks, he yawns.

Dan smirks. 'Does my bed sound okay?'

Phil raises an eyebrow at him.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Phil ends up curled in Dan's bed with Dan in his arms.

He hasn't been this close to Dan in a long time, protecting someone like this is a rare and beautiful thing.

Dan trusts him enough to let him do this.

Phil ends up whispering to him.

It's little incoherent words, they're murmured reassurances.

They turn into a confession.

'I'll sort my self out, for you. I promise.'

Dan doesn't stir in his sleep.

Phil shuts his eyes.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Sophie looks over her shoulder at Louis. He's sleeping, mouth slightly open, his hair is stuck to his forehead. Sophie knows that his skin tastes like sweat, and that his scent is overwhelming her.

He'd been a little too quiet this evening, so she'd found a way to get him to be loud.

Her methods were ethically questionable.

She just hopes they didn't wake anybody up.

Smirking, she closes her eyes.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris doesn't remember falling asleep as he wakes up. It's suddenly brighter. He's comfortable, and warm.

Pj tucks himself further into Chris's side. Chris readjusts himself. He strokes a hand over Pj's hair, he can already see how wild it is. Chris smiles.

He forgets who he is for a little moment, and he lets himself.

Chris forgets that he's different.

He pretends that he's been doing this with Pj for a few years, that last night wasn't the first time they had sex in this room. He acts like the people he's sharing a house with aren't either broken or strangers.

When he closes his eyes, and he doesn't let himself think, then Pj is the only thing he knows. His heart lifts and his guilt goes away, his mind set leaves, as does his side effects.

Chris frowns to himself, he slept naturally again.

Pj tucks himself in again.

Chris rolls his eyes.

'I love you.'

'I love you too, but I so love sleep more.'

Chris nods, agreeing. 

'I don't blame you.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Phil has nightmares that he can't remember. He wakes up with dread in the pit of him, it's a familiar feeling.

They set to work. Every time one of the elders of the farm looks his way, the dread grows.

He imagines what they're thinking.

_'Freak.'_

_'Murderer.'_

_'Abnormal.'_

The middle one plays on him most.

He's used to being different, he knows its consequences, but being different is a part of him, and he's seeing what he's like without it. His difference is essential to be accepted.

He's not used to being seen as wrong for what he was forced to do. He's not used to people that are normal.

He's not used to freedom, and the chance to hope.

But his hope is twisted.

He looks over at Dan, who hasn't smiled today, Pj, who is faking one, and Chris. He doesn't know about Chris.

There's a weight on all of them.

There's their past, their guilt, their hope, anything and everything that troubles them.

_The different are never free._

Phil still wishes they were.

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Have you realized that we all just call this Louis's house still?' Pj points out.

Louis shrugs. 'What can I say? Place goes with the name...'

Pj frowns. 'What does that even fucking mean?'

Louis shrugs again.

Sophie glares at him from across the room. Her and Dan are cooking again. She enjoys it, it's something they both share a passion for, and Dan is fireproof.

Louis raises an eyebrow back.

Pj rolls his eyes at the interaction.

'Can you guys stop?'

Louis looks back at him. There's candle light in the room, it's making Louis sleepy.

Louis shakes his head. Pj cracks a smile.

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

  
Chris falls asleep far too early.

Pj isn't surprised when he starts murmuring in his sleep, he's shifting, his face contorts and relaxes, over and over. He's dripping with fear. 

It's with reluctance that Pj shakes Chris awake.

Chris's eyes fly open. Pj can see him assess the situation.

'It's me Chris.' Pj tells him. He's whispering. 'Remember?'

Chris frowns.

'Where am I?' Chris asks.

Pj almost laughs, looks like Chris was more stressed than he was letting on.

'A reset.' He whispers, he bites his lip, and talks to Chris. 'You're with me. You know who I am right?'

'You're Pj.'

'Good.'

'I love you.'

Pj smiles.

'Good.'

'Where am I?' Chris asks again, tucking himself further into Pj's side.

Pj nods, he's used to surprises. A reset isn't that big of one.

'You're with me. You're safe-'

'-I'm never safe.' Chris interrupts with all of his conviction.

Pj leans over and kisses him.

'Do you trust me?' He pulls away to ask this.

Chris nods. 'With my whole heart.'

'Then trust me, fall asleep again, and you'll wake up remembering your safety.'

Chris slowly nods this time.

'And if my nightmares come back to life?'

Pj bites his bottom lip.

'Then I guess we'll fight them again.'

Chris takes this as gospel, his half absent mind accepts it.

'I'll fight anything for you.'

Pj smiles. 'I know you will.'

'Because you're good.'

Pj doesn't believe that anymore, but he smiles anyway.

'Thank you.'

Chris doesn't say anything more. Pj listens as his breath becomes more even, and Chris falls into sleep.

Pj can still hear screams, and feel the guilt. Chris isn't enough to make him quiet anymore.

He doesn't sleep.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj is exhausted, but he knows how to deal with that now.

Chris wakes up, and Pj pretends that nothing is wrong.

'We need to go see Hannah and Ingrid, we left a day when we shouldn't have, but they'll understand.'

Chris considers commenting on Pj's red eyes, and his whole demeanor.

Chris gives up; pointing out problems doesn't solve them.

Chris takes his hands and, despite their combined morning breath, Chris kisses him.

'Okay. We'll go.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Dan and Phil are easily woken up, easily persuaded to go back the bakery.

The walk takes longer than it should. Pj is practically dragging himself there, but he's too proud to ask for help.

Chris will give him it when he asks.

They arrive at the bakery.

'Well you all took your time, I think Troye was going to come and find you today.' Connor says.

Pj snorts. 'Lets see how my parents would have reacted to even more abnormals turning up at their home.'

Connor shrugs. 'There's a chance it could happen.'

'What do you mean?' Chris asks.

'We've been picking up your mail for you.' Connor informs Pj.

'And?' Dan asks.

Connor smirks.

'You've gotten some letters.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

_**To Pj and Dan.** _

_**Firstly, this is Emma. I'm alive. So are you. We did it!** _

_**Secondly, I'm in the marshlands. I went home. My family are still alive. I've been going around the village trying to convince people to still get their kids vaccinated, apparently the abnormal scandal is scaring them out of it. Nice to know people would rather have their kids dead then different isn't it? It's bullshit. We've been proving them wrong. I hope this isn't an issue in the mountains.** _

_**Thirdly, I watched their trials. Pj, I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry. Me and Luke are thinking of you guys. Luke's been inconsolable, when things are easier. We'll meet up. Please stay strong, I know you both are. In the darkest of times, that's what we have to do.** _

_**From Emma Blackery** _

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

_**Pj Liguori and Dan Howell** _

_**I went for the full names because I'm still not used to writing with a pen and it's fucking weird and I feel like I'm in the other nation or something. But it's our nation now by the looks of it. Who knows????** _

_**But lets get to the point, we really hoped they'd get let off. We really did. Jack and me weren't surprised though. I hope you get just how much we're going to miss them. We feel what you feel too, don't stress it.** _

_**Write back to us.  We want to help.** _

_**Dean Dobbs** _

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

_**To Pj and Dan,** _

_**I'm safe! Joe, Caspar, Tyler, and Louise are with me. We made it to the lakes, our old house still technically belongs to me, so we're living here. There's plenty of space if you ever want to stay, just write ahead of time!** _

_**We heard about their verdict, Chris and Phil's. I cried my eyes out. Louise and Tyler got hit hard. We all want to support you, please do come to see us. They have shuttles now, you have no excuse at all. None. We'll even come to you.** _ _**We understand you, and when things are tough, people have to stick together, that's a large part of love. We want to help you, because everyone is deserving of love. Especially when we have a change to start again.** _

_**Love from** _

_**Zoe Sugg** _

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Reading each of the letters is a weight off their backs. Confirmation of lives.

They sent letters and Pj received some hope.

Dan and Pj spend the next hour with Troye, they write responses. All three of them squeezing their own thoughts onto one piece of paper, there's still a shortage of it. Pj is just glad that whilst the education he recieved as a result of the old nation may have been lacking, it did teach basic english and grammar.

Pj's smile grows a bit every time he write the line that hints at Chris and Phil's true situation. He smiles every time he remembers that the guilt Chris caused doesn't have to exist anymore.

The abnormals made it, most of them anyway.

Pj smiles, and Chris smiles back.

They made it.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'They're actually alive aren't they?' Troye asks again.

Dan nods. 'It would look like it.'

'That's like a little blessing.'

Connor puts a hand on Troye's shoulder.

'Is it?' Connor asks.

Troye nods. 'It puts my mind at ease.'

Pj yawns. He nods through it. 'Mine too.'

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris, Hannah, Phil, and Connor end up sitting together.

They all wait for someone else to speak.

Chris rolls his eyes before starting.

'What's your plan then?' He asks Connor.

Connor shrugs. 'Troye wants to head back to the lakes. I go where Troye goes, for now.'

Connor grins, Chris returns it. His guilt isn't too large, he's finding freedom in smiling.

'Do you want to find your family?' Phil asks, his eyes distant. Chris puts a hand on his knee.

Connor shakes his head. 'I don't know.' He smiles again, directly at Chris. 'I guess you're lucky that Pj found yours for you. Less doubt.'

Chris nods. 'I'm lucky in a lot of ways.'

'I feel pretty blessed too.' Hannah adds. 'It's not like I'm ever going to search for my family, but I may try and send a letter to my sister.'

'You do know that you don't have to know their address right?' Connor inquires. 'Just the full name and sector. Then if they look for a letter, they can go collect them.'

Phil's eyes widen. 'I didn't.'

Chris smiles. 'Maybe we can send a letter to your brother. We know his name.'

Phil finally smiles.  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'When are you leaving?' Pj asks.

'We're staying for at least a week. We've been moving non-stop. I need a break and so does Con.' Troye answers.

Dan smirks. 'Con?'

Troye glares at him.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Dan hugs Troye for what feels like minutes. Troye and Pj exchange a smile over Dan's shoulder.

The sun should be going down soon. They've promised to come back in the next few days.

The four of them return to the farm.

Pj's exhaustion is extremely visible in him. Chris takes his hand.

Dan and Phil are talking quietly, in their own little world, as always.

Chris whispers to him.

'Are you okay?'

Pj considers it, and he slowly nods.

'Are you?' He smiles. 'Do you remember where you are now?'

Chris's eyes widen as he immediately recalls the night before.

'Shit, I forgot that happened.'

'You forgot where you were.'

'I know!'Chris laughs.

Pj rolls his eyes, reaches out, and he kisses his cheek.

'I'm so glad you're here.' Pj tells him. 'And not wherever you thought you were.'

'I didn't really think I was anywhere.' Chris tells him. 'Except with you.'

'Be with me again tonight.' Pj tells him.

Chris raises an eyebrow at him. 'That sounds dirty.'

Pj hadn't intended it, but upon saying it, he doesn't feel like taking it back.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The second Pj gets through his bedroom door, Chris's mouth is on him.

The heaviness in his heart lifts with the light kisses which turn deeper.

Chris pulls him to their bed. Pj reaches up to touch. To bring them together, to distract himself from the guilt.

Pj is gentler than Chris. Pj will brush along a jaw line, whilst Chris squeezes his thigh. Pj loves being grabbed at, more now than ever.

This teasing is driving Pj even more mental than usual. He pulls their bodies closer for friction, but Chris will give him nothing.

Pj sees that glint of mischief.

'What do you want?' Pj asks.

'To get you off.'

'You want something before that.' Pj states, exasperated.

Chris smirks. 'You to beg for it.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj is panting out his orgasmic haze. Chris falls down onto sheets, the bad feelings having gone away.

He pulls Pj into his arms, and quickly, they both fall asleep.

Neither of them have nightmares.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

They work the next day.

Phil doesn't find it physically grueling, and he's had work that's had a harder mental impact. The work is hard enough to keep him from not thinking too much. It doesn't need him to understand how people work, only the land. Phil thinks he can understand nature.

Chris finds the work fun, he guesses it's in his blood. He also enjoys listening to Jamie's snide comments.

Pj, Dan, and Sophie work together. Sophie stops and stares when Pj starts singing.

Tears come to her eyes, she represses them.

That's the first time she's heard him sing since he left.

Sophie's hands wonder to her bracelet, Pj used to have a matching one. She's seen it on Chris's wrist.

When she looks over at Louis, she has an idea.

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj stops singing halfway through the day. His melody has kept his guilt at bay.

His mind is clearer than it has been in a long time.

When he smiles at Dan, he's almost at peace. Almost.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

They walk into Louis's home after working. The adults on the farm have shown no sign of warming up to Chris and Phil, but Sophie, Jamie, and Louis are.

Sophie and Dan are cooking, as is their new tradition.

Sophie and Dan exchange another smile when they hear Pj singing under his breath again.

'I didn't know Pj could sing.' Dan whispers.

'He's a totally good singer. He's very musical.' Sophie tells him. She shouts. 'Aren't you Peej?!'

Pj stops singing, when Sophie turns. He's laying down, eyes closed, smiling.

'What am I this time?'

'Except a pain?' Sophie jokes. 'A musician.'

Pj opens one eye. 'This is just you trying to get me to play guitar again. Isn't it?'

Sophie smirks. 'I wouldn't be apposed to the idea. I don't think anybody else would be either.'

'I'd love it.' Dan asks him.

Pj shakes his head. 'Not today.' 

Pj thinks it over. He frowns. He's tired, but he's not aching, abnormal benefits. He's starting to forget what pain feels like, he has a lot of sympathy for Phil, he can't imagine losing his power.

But sympathy doesn't help anyone, only actions do. 

Pj still sees the person he killed when he shuts his eyes for too long. That could have easily been anybody he's loved or loves.

He doesn't feel like playing guitar.

He hopes Chris is right, he hopes that the guilt becomes easier to live with.

Pj's eyes fly wide. He forgot.

He sits up.

'Chris?'

Chris is in their bedroom, the door opens quickly.

'Pj?' Pj can hear Chris's footsteps. 'Sweetheart?'

Pj jumps up, he makes his way to Chris.

'Did I tell you about Dodie and Evan?'

Chris appears in front of Pj, Pj can see the change in him upon their names being mentioned.

'What about them?' Chris murmurs, his body radiates guilt, and Pj can relate.

'They're alive.'

Chris's eyes widen. _'What?'_

'They made it. They got taken, not killed. They were trailed before you, and got given freedom. '

Chris's shock turns into a smile. Hi guilt melts a little at the edges.

'They're alive?'

Pj smiles and nods. 'Definitely. And so are some others... Hazel? Hazel. Jim and Tanya. Was it Bry? Carrie?...'

Chris's mouth falls open again.

'They were all on my mission with me.' Chris states with awe. 'Or, at least, I know them.'

'They all made it too.' Pj smiles. 'Sorry, I didn't even think to tell you. I forget we were apart sometimes. So that's super good right?'

Chris bites his lip, and nods.

'Super good.'

'Less guilt?'

Chris raises an eyebrow at Pj.

Pj puts his hands up in mock surrender.

Chris chuckles.

'I love you.'

'Bet I love you more.'

'Not possible.' Chris grins.

'Prove it.'

Sophie watches with a raised eyebrow and wide eyes. She leans over to Dan.

'Are they always this sickening?' Sophie asks.

Dan nods.

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Phil walks into the room with messy wet hair. They're having baths tonight, on Sophie's orders.

'Dodie and Evan are alive Phil.'

Phil's frowns at him.

'Don't you remember?'

Chris rolls his eyes. 'What have I forgotten this time?' Chris smiles when he hears Dan laugh.

Phil shakes his head. 'Connor told us that they got let out. You cried when I told you, so I assumed you got the message.'

Chris frowns, he exchanges a look with Pj, and then shrugs.

'I guess ill me forgot.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

They're all sitting in silence.

Louis looks at Sophie's hand for a few minutes. Jamie's there, he can't possibly take it without potentially outing them.

Sophie looks at Louis's flexing fingers, she knows his exact thought process.

They connect eyes.

Sophie looks into his eyes and she remembers how much she wants him. She wants him by her side, with her, maybe inside her if she's going to be crude.

She loves him, and she doesn't know what to do.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Have things gotten better for you?' Jamie asks Pj. Everyone is in the room, and everyone is listening. The fire is on, Dan has taken a ball of it into his hand and is keeping it there.

Pj nods, he sighs.

'I'm super better than when I got here.'

Jamie gives him a look.

'Is there a _'But'_ in that Peej?' 

Pj considers it.

'Sort of. But I'll get there Jamie. I can get rid of my guilt, but it's not going to be super easy. I did a bad thing, and I think Sophie-' He looks over at her, she's looking back. '-Was right, I wasn't built to be a soldier. But I made the most of a bad situation, and I think, with most things, I just need more time.'

The group exchange looks. Chris takes Pj's hand. Pj smiles at him.

'Time?' Louis asks, he's speaking up more now, and Sophie is glad for it.

Pj nods. 'To sort of, make up for what I feel guilt. To give out some love, start to pull myself together again.'

Chris stares at him.

The way he speaks, the way he moves, his thoughts.

Chris is going to give him as much love as he can, for as long as he can. Forever, if he's allowed.


	11. Chapter 11

 Life becomes odd for Chris. His life has always been odd, he guesses that what he sees as odd is what is normal to everyone else.

Chris spends his days working with the people he loves. He normally takes an hour to go visit his birth family, but that's the only time he spends away from his friends. He's grown affectionate for his family, he fits in with them, and he is beginning to love them. They aren't home.

Home is something new.

Troye and Connor leave for the lakes, they take a shuttle. Pj, Dan, Phil, and Chris spend the whole of the day before with them.

With a promise to write, they let Troye return to his family.

Chris has gotten used to the majority of what is normal. He will never get used to still getting to wake up next to Pj, getting to love and be with someone, never.

The day that harvest officially ends, the younger inhabitants of the farm have a celebration. Pj's sister turns up, having started to like Phil and Chris.

When Pj falls onto their bed, drunk and silly, Chris realizes something between sloppy kisses.

_This is home._

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Sophie only really bothers going to her original home for appearances, new clothes, and baths.

The weather is changing drastically. In a few weeks, the harvest festival will be celebrated.

Phil's arms are aching. Pj's attempting to heal them up.

The fire is raging in the old fireplace.

Dan is staring directly at the fire.

'You're like a moth.'

He snorts.

'Geez, thanks Phil.'

Chris chuckles, he's laying on the ground, which is covered by rugs.

Chris fidgets with the bracelet he's wearing, Pj's one. He never gave it back, and Pj never asked for it. He views it as a promise.

Dan returns to the fire, he puts his hand into it.

Chris spots Sophie flinch. He smirks.

'Still not used to it?' Chris asks.

Sophie frowns at him, there's no way he could have seen that.

'No.' She nod. 'I'm trying though.'

Chris smiles at her. He pulls his left hand into a fist. Her hair moves up. She grins, it drops back to her shoulders.

'I had some warning there.' She tells him. 'What else can you do? I've barely seen you use your ability.'

Dan's eyebrow falls. 'That's actually true. My ability is more inconvenient than yours-' He turns to looks at Chris. '-Why haven't you been using yours?'

'I'm only using mine because none of you can take care of yourselves.' Pj points out.

Phil scoffs. 'I didn't ask you to. You insisted.'

Pj rolls his eyes, and swats Phil slightly with his spare hand.

Chris turns back to Sophie.

'I still don't want to push my ability too much. I couldn't use it for a long time, I'm taking it slow. I used to be able to do pretty much anything you could imagine, but I had a lot of side effects and problems. If my power is less but so are they, then so be it. I like sleeping naturally.'

Chris's eyes flick to Phil, the other reason he doesn't want to use his power too much.

'It's probably best. Our parents are having issues accepting you both like this, imagine if stuff started flying around.' Sophie points out.

Pj snorts. 'My parents know my loyalties, they wouldn't dare touch them. I've guilt trapped them.'

Chris laughs. 'When did you turn into me?'

Pj shrugs. 'When I had to.' He moves his spare hand so it's resting on Chris's chest. Chris rests his hand over it. Pj has his other hand on Phil. Phil's leg grazes Dan's back.

Sophie sits a few centimeters away from Chris. Louis is in the bath. Jamie is on his way to the house.

After a few moments of silence, Sophie's hair begins to raise again. Sophie glares at Chris, who's smiling back at her.

'Have you got a problem?'

The hair stays up.

'No-'

'-He's got _lots_ of problems.' 

Chris turns to smile at Phil. Chris drops Sophie's hair.

Chris clicks.

Phil's hair raises.

Phil gasps.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Phil screams.

He feels his hair fall back to the side of his face.

There's arms on him.

The most important thing.

Phil feels.

And he sees.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris shouts his name. The screaming is loud. Pj thinks it's Dan's screams to begin with. After a second, Pj sees that Phil is curled up.

Pj feels the energy sapping out of him and into Phil.

Phil slumps to the ground. Pj panics, and fights to keep the link between them. Pj looks up, and locks eyes with Chris. Chris has ran to Phil's head, he's checking his pulse. Dan has his arms around Phil. Phil's squeezing Dan's arm.

'Phil?' Dan calls him again. Phil's screaming has cut to whimpers.

Sophie's stood. She can hear Louis walking in, throwing a shirt over his head.

'What happened?' She asks.

Louis doesn't speak. He waits for orders.

Out of habit, Pj and Dan look to Chris for explanation. Chris keeps his eyes on Phil, his eyes are wide and glassy, but alive.

'I don't know.' Chris admits.

Phil's eyes focus. He stares upwards, at Dan.

'What do we-'

'Blue. Not black, not anymore.' Phil whispers.

The room goes silent. The fire cracks.

'Phil?' Pj asks. The energy isn't falling out of him anymore.

Phil's eyes refocus, on Pj.

'Green. Less black than there was, more than there needs to be. '

Chris beams, he understands. Pj and Dan frown. Sophie and Louis exchange a look.

'You okay Philly?'

Phil's lids are heavy. He smiles back at Chris.

'Indescribably bright.'

Phil looks at Sophie and Louis.

He frowns before he smiles.

'Red and orange. Together, a fire.' Phil's smile turns lazy, he falls back further into Dan's arms. 'It's good. When aura's merge, it means compatibility of essence. You're supposed to be one, in whatever way you need. Make your own decisions, you're free enough to. '

Dan's eyes widen.

'Auras?'

Pj grins.

Phil slowly nods, his eyes shut.

'Auras.'

After a few seconds, Phil's breathing falls regular.

Chris and Pj exchange a look.

'How did that happen?' Pj asks.

Chris shrugs.

He looks at Phil, probably asleep, he's with Dan. He shouldn't be alive, and Chris didn't think they'd ever get here again. Here is safe and warm, and now they're both safely abnormal here. Phil's home too, unless Phil wants to find his family.

Chris will support Phil however he needs to, he looks at Pj, and Pj looks back expectantly. Pj's eyes really are pretty, Chris forgets that sometimes.

Chris smiles at Pj. He's back with him, and he's home with him.

Phil is safe. Phil is free.

So is Chris.

Chris realizes how much sense it all makes. He's had love before, but never freedom.

Freedom allowed them to find home, a place where love is free and warm, and a place where being strong is easier but not necessary.

Being strong isn't essential. It isn't. If you have people to help you, if you know you're going to be alright, if you find strength in weakness, you can still fight for happiness and good. 

Chris was wrong.

Chris never thought he'd get to a place that being weak is okay, being loved is easy, and he's free.

'Maybe he just gets to have this. Maybe this is one of the miracles Phil never thought he deserved Peej.'

Pj frowns at him.

He looks back at Phil.

He melts his worry, and smiles.

'It's probably a good thing, I feel like somebody needs to understand what the fuck you're thinking.'

Pj hears Dan, Louis, and Sophie laugh.

'You know what I'm thinking most of the time, it's brilliant.' Chris tells him.

Chris uses his ability to remove some of Phil's wait from Dan, gently as he can.

Pj looks back at Phil.

'It doesn't matter that he's unconscious, does it?' Pj asks.

'It's a bit worrying.' Dan interrupts. Chris snorts.

'It doesn't matter. We've got as much time as we want. As long as he's okay.'

Pj nods. 'Let's get him to bed.'

The others agree.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

  
'I forget that you're pretty much made of muscle.'

Chris pulls Phil up into his arms with Dan's support. Chris turns back to Pj to shoot him a smirk.

'How about I remind you sometime?'

Dan doesn't even comment, with an eye roll, he supports Phil's head.

'Is he okay?'

Chris smiles down at Phil.

'He seemed his normal scattered self. He's breathing. We'll sort him out.'

With exchanged smiles, and the teamwork they've grown used to, they carry Phil to the bedroom he shares with Dan.

Chris contemplates himself.

Chris wonders how he's going to keep himself together. So much has changed. Is he strong enough for this? Chris still feels guilty sometimes about things he did a decade ago? Chris is physically strong, and mentally strong to a degree, but is he strong enough for this?

When he looks at Pj, he knows how.

Because when you can't find your own strength, you find it where you have to.

Chris wishes he'd figured that out a lifetime ago.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Louis and Sophie make eye contact as the others leave the room. He takes a few steps to her, ending up so they're face to face.

'What was that all about?' Louis asks.

Sophie shrugs. 'From the looks of it, Phil got his ability back.'

Louis frowns. 'How did that happen?'

Sophie scoffs.

'I don't know, I'm not a genius. It was probably something to do with Chris, that was how it-'

'-You are a genius.' Louis interrupts.

Sophie glares at him. Louis laughs.

'You are.' Louis repeats.

Sophie rolls her eyes, she goes onto her tiptoes, and pecks him on the lips.

'You don't need to flatter me.' She tells him.

He grins. 'I love flattering you. '

She blushes. 'Shut up.'

'I refuse.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Sophie pulls Louis into the bedroom.

Louis, very loudly, compliments her even further.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Phil wakes up.

His eyes flutter open to a sea of sky blue, he panics for half a second, the blue reminds him of his ocean.

It's Dan's blue. He calms.

Phil finds himself through the haze, and he looks at Dan's face.

Dan is asleep.

Phil pulls some hair out of Dan's face.

Dan's aura changes as Phil touches him. Phil stares in awe as the blue turns to pink, and red, and purple. Dan's colours change, they remind Phil of summer days that he's seen in pictures, flowers.

Phil finds every aura beautiful, it's his nature to, but Dan's is brilliant.

Tears gather in Phil's eyes, he'd missed this. He'd missed sight, he'd been trapped without it.

Maybe it's not being different that traps you, maybe it's believing you're caged. A lack of exploitation? 

Dan frowns in his sleep. His open palms tense.

_You dumb idiot._

Phil puts his hands over Dan's.

Putting his head back down on their shared pillow, soon, he drifts back to sleep.

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Phil is woken up by Dan.

Dan's eyes are wide and concerned.

Phil grins at him.

'What?' Dan questions. 

Phil reaches up, grabs Dan's shirt, and pulls their mouths together.

Dan beams into it. Knowing Phil's lips for one day, and not since, was driving him crazier.

A brushing of lips, taste.

Dan pulls away, and looks into Phil's eyes.

'Can we make that a thing?' Dan asks.

Phil shrugs.

'I think we probably can. Probably.'

Dan giggles.

'Probably?'

Phil shrugs, smiling. He teases.

'Probably.'

He kisses Dan again. Dan shuts his eyes.

Phil keeps his open, ready to see the rainbow of light that is Dan's aura.

He never wants to blink.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

  
Phil walks out of his shared room later.

He walks directly into Chris.

Chris raises an eyebrow at him.

'Well?'

Phil frowns. 'Well what?'

'What am I thinking?'

Phil nods, he takes in Chris's aura, and then flicks the switch.

That calmness comes back. He sees the colour of Chris's thoughts. Everything is explained. He sees his new emotions paired with old thoughts. His sister's face, all of Chris's new confusion, his happiness.

Phil finds his thoughts in words.

'You're saying _'Hey'_.' Phil tells him. 

Chris laughs. 'You got me doofus.' They exchange a smile. 'So you're back? Ability wise?'

Phil's brow creases, and he nods, the brow relaxes, and he smiles.

'Abnormal again.'

Chris grins, he pulls Phil in for a hug. They break apart. The distance between them is smaller.

'You always were abnormal, and amazing for that. But you being back to being you is good.'

Phil nods quickly. 'It is.'

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'We should probably tell Hannah that your ability is back.' Pj points out. His hair is wild, and he has a mouth full of food.

Phil takes a second to look at his naturally green aura, small patch of black, barely a dot. Pj's aura is many different shades of the same colour, like light coming through leaves.

Phil slowly nods, he feels Dan's hand on the small of his back, and he returns to this world.

Chris smiles.

'We'll go tomorrow.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris visits his families home in the morning, when he returns to the farm, he'll do his work.

It's just him and his sister.

'So Phil got his ability back?' She asks.

Chris nods.

'Is he going back to the lakes?'

Chris frowns. 'What do you mean?'

She smiles. 'He wanted to find his family, didn't he?'

Chris's mouth falls slightly open.

He considers life without Phil by his side.

It drops dread into his stomach, and causes his heart rate to increase.

He's snapped out of his thought by his sister clicking in front of him.

Her eyes are wide and demanding.

'You'll never lose him, you know that right?'

Chris ends up smiling.

'I guess I won't. But I'd still like him here.'

She shrugs. 'Sometimes things don't go the way we want, it could be a good thing. Phil's family might want him as much as we wanted you.'

'I'm selfish.'

'You're worried about what you are when he's not here.' She smiles at him. 'Don't be.'

Chris nods. 'Am I over complicating things again?'

She laughs. 'Probably.'

'Make it simple?' Chris closes his eyes for a second.

He opens them, when he realizes that this is the closest he's ever gotten to simplicity, and happiness.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

They travel to the bakery again the next day. The walk is slow.

Hannah hesitates before smiling at them, Chris and Phil notice.

The bakery door closes, and they start.

'What's wrong?' Chris asks.

Phil begins reading her aura. It'd been a light grey upon seeing them, but blue just crawled in, dark blue.

'Nothing.' Hannah grins. She hugs Pj, the aura lightens.

She hugs Dan, and it darkens. She squeezes him.

Chris and Phil exchange a look.

'What happened?' Phil asks.

'No-'

'-Your aura isn't this colour. Be straight with me.' Phil tells her. 'Tell us the truth.'

Hannah stares him down. Glaring, chin tucked down. Her eyes intrude into Phil, Phil stares back. He sees her aura swirl.

'It's the business of one person here. You can't take everything as your job Phil, that hurts.'

'Who is it?' Chris asks.

Dan and Pj exchange a look.

'Guys-' Pj starts.

'It's a letter.' Hannah answers. Dan and Pj exchange another look. Chris and Phil carry on looking at her. She sighs. 'For one of you. We've been picking up your mail for you. Don't want it to be sitting there for someone to get curious and read. We're abnormal, it could end badly.'

There's a second as they contemplate her words.

'Do I even want to know?' Dan asks.

Hannah shakes her head. 'We didn't want some curious voyeur reading your mail. We have your unopened letters, but Dan...'

Hannah looks solely at him.

Dan's heart rate speeds. Phil wants to take his hand, but it wouldn't be appreciated. Dan's hands have curled into fists.

'What?'

'There's a letter for you... From the desert...'

Silence.

Chris takes Pj's hand. Phil glares at it for a split second.

Dan can taste bile.

'From who?' He whispers.

Hannah sadly smiles.

'Your brother.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

To Daniel Howell

They don't know I'm sending this. They can't know. Don't come here. Ever. Stay out of the desert. Please. 

I love you, I'm proud of you, and I'm going to escape someday. I promise.

From, your little brother.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Phil can see Dan's aura swirl up into a dark storm. Burning magma red mixes with ash, the edges are natural blue tinted. It's like a storm, and reeks of destruction.

'So you got your ability back?' Hannah asks. Phil feels her taking his hands, he glimpses her aura trying to wind itself into his cells to heal them. There's nothing to heal.

Pj stares at the door Dan is behind too. Dan had silenced himself after his brothers mention. Phil can see Pj's worry.

Dan opens the door.

His eyes settle on Phil. His aura stops moving.

'He's okay.' Dan chokes out.

Chris nods. He offers Dan a smile.

'And?' Chris asks.

'I can't go back to the desert.'

'Were you planning on it?' Pj asks.

'No.'

'Then it's okay? Right? Super?' Pj responds.

Dan bites his lip, and looks at the ground.

'It'll do... I just think I had some hope left...'

Pj slowly nods. 'I'm sorry Dan.' 

'I guess things don't always play out the way we want them too.' 

Pj shakes his head, and chuckles. 'We both know that, and we both know that when things go wrong, you have to adapt to them.'

Dan sighs, and forces a smile. 'I'll adapt to this. I'll move on. I'll live.' 

Pj smiles.

'They never deserved you anyway. We got letters. Wanna open them with me Danny?' Pj questions.

Dan nods, he walks to Pj, and takes the seat next to him.

Pj opens the envelope.  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

_**To Pj and Dan,** _

  
_**You're with your family? As long as you're happy, I'm happy. Tell me about how happy you are, because I won't let both of you be guilty forever. You're both too good for that, and nobody wants you to feel bad. The world wants you to heal, so let the world help you.** _

_**Luke's okay. He's coping, I am too. We're coping together, which is good for the both of us. I've never been less scared before, got Chris to thank for that, and Phil. They were right. Fear does bring you down, but using fear to your advantage makes you unstoppable, and it makes you more powerful than you could ever imagine.** _

_**I'm not scared anymore, I've never been that scared of a person in the first place.** _ _**Nobody is going to have the power to hurt me again. I won't give it to them.** _ _**I hope you both can do the same. It would do us all a world of fucking good.** _

_**Love from Emma Blackery** _

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj smiles at Dan.

'At least Emma's okay.'

Dan grins. 'She sounds like she's ready to fight again.'

Pj slowly nods. 'And if she ever needs me, I'll be by her side.'

'As will I.' Chris calls over.

'And me.' Dan concludes. 'Read the next one.'

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

_**To Dan Howell and Pj Liguori** _

_**I'm Carrie. We met for a short while on the frontline, I don't believe I spoke to either of you. I've been in contact with other abnormals, about Chris and Phil. I was told to write to you.** _ _**If I'd known of your connection to Chris, Pj, then I would have spoken to you more. I liked Chris, what happened to him shouldn't have happened, I will never forgive myself for the part I had in it. I heard Chris when we were both abducted, our cells were close. He wasn't scared, he was ready to fight. He was strong. I hope that is comforting.** _ _**Philip and Chris will be sorely missed by me, and others. They both saved me numerous times. I am sad to see this, more than sad. They were kind, talented, and amazing individuals.** _

_**My condolences.** _

_**Carrie Hope Fletcher.** _

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Dan finds the ability to stably smile when Phil puts a hand on the small of his back.  
His brother's letter wasn't sad, it just reminded him of what he wants to forget.

'Aw, Carrie.' Chris comments.

Pj grins at Chris.

'It was heart felt. How do we respond?'

Silence as they think. Hannah looks between the four of them for an answer.

'Forgive yourself.' Dan answers.

The four others in the room stare at Dan. Dan swallows, and continues.

'It's where happiness comes from. And maybe... Maybe if I forgive myself, and accept me for me, then I can be happy too.'

Silence.

Chris's frown melts into a grin.

'You can sure try Spork.'

Dan smiles, Phil wraps his arm around him, and Dan's colours dull back into blue shades.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Dan's aura has shifted between bright blue and dark red throughout the day. He's swinging, Phil can understand why. His brother is still alive and well enough to write, Phil doesn't want to invade his mind for details, but he's not here. Dan can't go back, it was never his home.

They're walking back to the farm.

Chris is running away from Pj, who's chasing him with a branch.

Phil's laughing at the two of them, but holding Dan's hand.

Dan keeps his head down.

Phil looks at him for a few seconds.

'You'll be alright.' Phil tells him.

A pause.

'I know.'

'You're with us now.'

Dan smiles.

'I know.'

'We love you.'

Dan frowns, and remains quiet. His aura flares into blue.

Phil considers it.

'I love you.'

Dan looks up at Phil. Eyes wide. Aura blue and pulsing with white.

'Why?' Dan whispers.

Phil chuckles. 'Because you're worth loving.'

Dan's aura settles on blue, and will stay blue.

'I love you too.'

Phil smiles, squeezes his hand, and they walk down the road.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Dan and Phil are walking behind them.

Pj feels the branch he's been threatening Chris with fly out of his hand.

Pj rolls his eyes.

'Seriously? That's cheating!'

Chris shrugs, ducks to the side of Pj, and sprints back to Phil.   
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Welcome back.'

'Hey Sophie.' Dan greets back.

She smiles at him. 'Good day?'

'Alright one.' Pj chips in. 'Heard from some people that-'

'-I got a letter from my brother.' Dan tells her. Pj frowns, he'd expected that to be kept secret. 'He's okay, and he's going to see me again some day, but I really can't go home.'

Sophie slowly nods.

'How do you feel about it?'

Dan shrugs. 'Worried, for him. It brought up a lot I'd tried to ignore. But okay, they wouldn't want me anyway. I'm wanted by people now. I have people to follow and dreams and it's best to just try and forget what happened and move on. I'm the happiest I've ever been when I'm with abnormals, and I'm trying to accept myself, for my differences. They wouldn't let me. I'm better here.'

Sophie smiles.

'Sometimes you sound like you already have accepted yourself.'

Dan's mouth falls slightly open, and his brow creases.

'Huh.'

'What?' Pj asks.

'Maybe I have.'  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Jamie walks into their shared house. Pj starts to greet him, but is interrupted.

'Yellow. That's not too surprising actually.'

Jamie frowns. 'My aura's yellow?'

Phil nods quickly.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

They're sat around the fire, eating. All of them warm in the weather turning colder.

'When's harvest over?' Phil asks.

'Normally mid-October. Only a few more weeks.' Sophie answers.

Pj smiles at Chris. 'It's nearly your birthday.'

Chris frowns. 'That's true.'

'Hunter's moon festival as well.' Louis points out.

They sit in quiet for a moment.

Dan looks at the flames for short while.

His hand feels hot.

He raises it to look.

He gasps.

It's just the tip of his finger, but there's flames there.

He didn't collect it. He made it.

'Chris!'

Chris turns to him with wide eyes.

'What?'

'I did it!'

Chris smiles. 'Did what?'

The fire sneaks up Dan's hand, into his palm. He uses his spare hand o pull his shirt sleeve down.

'I made it! I made fire!'

Chris's eyes widen, and he grins. He leans over Pj to put his hand on Dan's leg.

'Okay. Brilliant.' Chris bites his lip. 'Can you put it out?'

Dan stares at his hand. He can't access it.

'N-No.'

Chris nods. Pj slides back slightly to give them more space.

Phil checks Dan's aura. Purple? Phil's never seen purple in Dan before.

'What were you thinking about when it happened?'

Louis and Sophie exchange a look. Sophie widens her eyes at Pj. Pj mouths back. _'It'll be fine.'_

'Just, looking at the fire-' Dan says.

'-Imagine it going out.' Phil tells him.

Dan's eyes widen. 'Is it dangerous?'

Phil moves closer to Dan, and places a hand on his back.

'No. But it could be. We just need to make sure we've got this.' Phil tells him.

Dan bites his lip.

He stares at his palm. The fire relaxes him. He's connected to it.

Chris is hiding his concern. Louis and Sophie look ready to move in whatever way they have to. Pj is visibly worried.

Dan can't let them be hurt.

'Go out.' He whispers.

The flame decreases, and shrinks into nothing.

Dan sighs, and smiles.

Chris grins. 'Well done.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Dan looks around at his friends an hour after the first time he made fire.

Phil is still close to him. Chris is in Pj's lap. Jamie arrived, and is telling bad jokes to Sophie. Sophie's laughing into Louis's shoulder. 

The fire is burning brighter than ever.

He's wanted, and perhaps if he's wanted, he deserves this.

Dan smiles the night away.

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

  
When they go to bed, Pj has nightmare about killing his soldier again. He wakes up crying with Chris's arms around him.

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Jamie turns in his bed again. Nothing is comfortable.

Everyone is happy again.

Pj is with his old teacher, Chris, an abnormal leader.

Dan and Phil, he likes them, but he doesn't know what to think of them still. Pj is protective of them, Jamie guesses it's understandable.

Louis and Sophie seem different too.

Jamie guesses if everyone is happy, then he is too. He doesn't relish the idea of Phil being in his mind though. Not at all.

Yellow aura.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The recent few developments have made Sophie realize that maybe instead of making plans, she should be enforcing them.

She looks at the leather bracelet on her wrist until Louis puts his hands over it.

Kissing her neck. She closes her eyes, feels him, and opens them.

'I need to give you something.'

He pulls back, and raises an eyebrow.

'I'd like to give _you_ something-'

'-My bracelet.' She interrupts.

He smiles.

'What?'

She bites her lip.

'I love you. Pj gave Chris his bracelet, I want to give you mine.'

Louis frowns. 'You don't have to do that-'

'-I want to.'

She starts to pick at the knot. He stares down as the bracelet becomes loose.

'Give me your hand.' Sophie orders. 'Please.'

He hesitates, before holding it out, putting his weight onto his elbows. 

She puts her whole self into tying her bracelet around him, her way of claiming him.

'I think your conviction is what amazes me most about you.' He breathes. 

She rolls her eyes, and finishes her work. She holds up his arm to analyze her bracelet on him.

'It looks good-'

'-So do you.'

She grins, shaking her head.

'Shut up.'

He smirks at her.

'Make me.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Louis lays naked on the bed in the aftermath. He has Sophie in his arms. Both of them are drenched in sweat, and happiness.

Louis glances at the bracelet on his wrist again.

'Does this mean we're going to face them?' Louis asks, raising his hand off the bed and then letting it fall.

She looks up at him.

'The bracelet?'

Louis shrugs. 'It's a committing thing.'

'Having sex with your best friend is pretty committing.' Sophie jokes.

Louis grins. 'It's also spectacularly fun.'

Sophie snorts. 'I love you.'

'Love you too.'

Sophie tucks her head back into Louis's chest.

'Let's fucking face them. Let's do this.'

Louis's eyes widen.

'Really?'

'Sure. Fuck it-' She looks back up at him. '-To recap, I love you, we're not supposed to love each other because it's a bit weird, I love you anyway, I want be with you. Pj brought Chris, Phil, and Dan home. I can bring you home-'

'-In Pj's defense, he fought in a war.'

'I know.' Sophie grins. 'If my parents say I can't be with you, then they'll be starting one.'

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris runs two of his fingers up and down Pj's forearm. The bed beneath them is soft, and the room warm.

Pj looks at him through heavy eyelids.

'Can you still sleep normally?' Pj asks.

Chris smiles. 'Yeah.'

'Why?'

'Don't know. But I'll take it.' Chris whispers back.

'I love your ability, you should use it more.' Pj stretches in bed. Chris chuckles softly.

'Just here for my ability then?'

Pj shakes his head. 'And the rockin' bod.'

Chris snorts out air.

'Thanks.'

'Don't mention it.'

They kiss lightly on the lips.

'I love you.' Chris tells him. 'You're home.' Chris adds. 'Not a building or a family. It's you.'

Pj grins. 'Good. I love you too, Home. Let's get back to ourselves, because I'd like to feel a little less guilty-'

'-You shouldn't.'

Pj stares at him.

'Maybe I won't one day. But for now, I love you.'

Chris smirks. 'And you wanna go to sleep?'

Pj nods.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The day's work hadn't been hard.

They're finishing harvest.

Chris has started using his ability to help them. Sophie thinks it's probably because Phil got his back, finally comfortable enough to use it.

The day draws to a close.

'You coming back to the house Soph?' Pj asks.

'No. Something I have to do first.' Sophie turns to face her lover. 'Louis?'

He smiles at her.

'Still going through with it?' Louis questions.

She nods. 'We need to tell them.'

Pj grins, catching on. 'Good luck-'

'-Tell them what.' Jamie inquires, running over.

Sophie and Louis exchange a look.

Pj starts laughing.

'Yeah guys, what are you-'

'-Me and Louis are together.' Sophie declares, she takes his hand. Jamie's eyes widen. 'It's...'

Louis jumps in for her.

'We didn't want to tell anyone in case it didn't work out. Pj walked in on it-'

'-Literally.' Pj jokes.

Jamie's too shocked to shiver. He swallows.

They wait for Jamie's response. Pj can see all of his own initial thoughts reflected there.

Shock. Denial. Repulsion. Consideration. Acceptance.

'Okay.' He chokes out. 'Why didn't you tell me? I mean, I guess. Alright. Yeah.' He slowly nods. 'It's not the most surprising thing I've ever been told. Don't jump it on me next time.'

Louis frowns. 'Not even a little angry?'

'I don't get angry. I get sad. I don't think this is sad...' He grimaces. 'Let me make my mind up on it. But anything to stay with you guys, I always feel like the odd one out, anything to make you happy-'

Pj gets Jamie into a headlock, and rustles his hair.

'You're not the odd one out.' Pj tells him.

Jamie rolls his eyes, and finds himself struggling to push away. Pj is stronger than he thinks.

'Yeah I am. Peej, let go.'

'Oh!' Pj relaxes his grip, scratching at his neck. 'Sorry. I guess I'm the odd one out.' He bites his lip, he hates being reminded of what he is, that links to what he's done.

'You're my favourite odd one.' Sophie tells him.

'A-hem.'

'Except maybe Louis.'

Pj laughs it off, turning to face Jamie.

'Lets go back to the house. I want to see Chris.'

Jamie smiles and nods, and they walk away.

Louis turns to face Sophie. He shrugs.

'One down.'

She tiptoes to kiss him.

'Few more to go.'

She takes his sweaty hand, and together, they walk to the house their parents are dining in.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Upon seeing Louis's father sitting outside, Louis tries to break away. Sophie clasps his hand tight, Louis's new bracelet rubbing against her arm.

She looks up at him.

'I love you. Let's do this?'

He nods once.

They walk closer together. Louis can feel tension rising in his chest. His father hasn't spotted them yet. What happens when he does?

Almost as if he was listening, Louis's father hears them. He turns, eyes widening, and nods.

'The other's are inside.' Louis's father smiles. 'Cold air never done me any harm. Are you okay Son?' He eyes the hand holding.

Louis swallows away the lump in his throat, and forces a smile.

'I'm completely fine, however, I need to talk to you, and mum.'

'With me.' Sophie adds.

'With Sophie.'

Louis's father raises an eyebrow.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Sophie's mother's eyes widen. Louis's mother's jaw falls down.

'You're what?'

Sophie and Louis exchange a look.

'Together.'

'For a few months now. Since Peej got back.'

'And we're telling you now, because we're sick of sneaking around.'

Sophie's parents and Louis's parents stare at each other, and back at their children. Confusion is the main thing Sophie sees.

'How?' Sophie's mother asks. 'How did this happen?'

Sophie squeezes Louis's hand. 'Pj went away. I fell in love, accident really. The best things are accidents.'

'Are you calling me an accident Sophie?' Louis whispers.

Sophie rolls her eyes. 'Shut up.' She murmurs back.

'Why?' Louis's mother asks. 'Did we not let you know other people? Was this because we raised you so close?'

'Not that I'm aware of Mum.' Louis answers. 'I'm pretty sure this would have happened anyway.'

Louis apposes all of the faces he grew up with.

His mother tucked him into bed at night. His father carried him on his shoulder's. Sophie's parents took him to the harvest festival, cooked for him, watched over him.

Sophie grew with him, and eventually to him.

Louis closes his eyes, and opens them after a second, he knows who he is.

'Are you happy for us to be happy? Or are you going to interfere?' Louis questions. 'Pj's parents are going to lose him if they don't start accepting the choices he had to make, and you'll lose us for the same thing. You're going to lose all of us because you can't accept what makes us happy, and what does that say about you? That's not our fault, the fact that you can't accept love in strange forms, that only reflects on you.' 

Sophie stares up at him whilst he speaks, a grin grows on her face. This is the Louis she knows and loves, the one that talks loudly with conviction and knows how to hit where he needs to hit. This is her man.

Louis looks back at her, and shrugs.

'Well. When you put it like that kiddo, what are we supposed to do?' Louis's father cracks the quiet. He rubs his face. 'It could be a lot worse.' He offers to the other adults.

Sophie's father has been quiet throughout.

'Give us time to adjust, but we'll try. It's odd. If it goes wrong, we'll expect you both to deal with yourselves-'

Sophie starts. '-It won't-'

'-Yes. We know.' Louis interrupts.

A few moments of silence.

Louis's father is the one to break it again.

'Both of you go back to your house. I think we need to talk.'

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Sophie pulls Louis through the front door. They're back outside.

Sophie whoops out her relief.

'That could have gone worse.' Louis laughs.

She hugs him.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'How'd it go?' Pj asks. Hes resting his head on Chris's shoulder. Chris is smiling down at him. Dan is playing with the fire, but listening intently. Jamie looks on with wide eyes.

'As telling your parents that you're dating one of your best friend's that you grew up with goes-'

'-It went pretty well.' Sophie concludes.

Pj grins, and Chris puts his arm around him.

'Glad to hear it.' Pj comments.

'So I'm the only person here that's not actually in a relationship?' Jamie asks.

Everyone else looks at their significant others.

Jamie groans.

'This is _unfair_.'

Pj kicks at him with his foot.

'I had to fucking fight in a war to get a boyfriend.'

Chris chuckles. 'You killed one person.'

Pj rolls his eyes at Chris. 'That's more people than any of them have killed, and so many more than I would have liked to.'

Chris smiles at him. 'I know Peej. Don't blame yourself.'

Pj gets hit with waves of guilt. His smile falters.

Phil sees his entire aura ripple with black.

'Pj...' Phil breathes out, all eyes go to him. 'Why didn't you say anything?'

Pj fakes a smile. 'Say what?'

'How much pain you're in...' Phil looks at the changing of Pj's aura. 'You're worse than before. Why didn't you say anything?'

Pj carries on smiling, but his aura falls into more dismay.

'It's nothing Phil. Just a bad memory.' Pj snarls. 'I'd suggest you leave it alone.'

Phil opens his mouth to speak, and then closes it. He nods at Pj.

'You shouldn't feel bad. You had no choice. If you only did what you had to do, then you're fine. Part of being human is giving and receiving forgiveness, and despite what makes us different, we're all human. '

'What's important, is that we have choice now.' Dan adds. 'And when you're given choice, you can chose to either hang on what hurt you or progress and help yourself and others to heal.' 

'We're doing alright choice wise, we are healing.' Chris comments. 'I mean, maybe I should be spending more time with my birth family, seeing as I never thought I'd know them-'

'-Maybe I should have sent a letter to my family by now.' Phil comments.

'Maybe I should have respected myself first.' Dan says.

'We probably could have told everyone about us.' Louis looks at Sophie whilst he speaks.

'Maybe I should get a girlfriend.' Jamie jokes.

A few seconds of laughing, then quiet.

Pj bites his lip, and looks at Chris.

'Maybe I should...learn to let go?'

Chris smiles, remembering their roof top conversation.

'A wise person said that to me once. Maybe we should simplify life as well.'

Pj smiles. He leans forward, resting his head on Chris's chest. Chris tucks his chin over his head.

'Yeah. We'll do that.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris and Pj begin simplifying their lives straight away. That night, they talk over what Pj did, and as Pj cries, Chris cries too.

Pj goes with Chris the next day to see his family again. His mother welcomes them both, and Chris finds it easier with Pj there.

Working is simple, they do it a lot. They simplify themselves by laughing more. Chris tells more jokes, Pj finds himself laughing more. Phil finds his eyes rolling, and his grin growing, and his hands in Dan's more often.

Pj realizes a week later, as he's sat around a fire Dan made, that this is the happiest he's been in a long time.

He frowns to himself, and stands up in the living room. Louis turns to look at him, he's sitting in Sophie's lap.

'Pj, are you okay?' Louis asks.

'Yeah, be a minute.'

Pj leaves the warm room behind. He hears Chris laugh, probably at Phil or Jamie. Jamie's been acting more normal over the last few days.

Pj returns to his room, collects his item, and enters the living room.

He hears Sophie gasp upon seeing him.

'Your guitar...' She whispers.

Pj smiles back at her. He strums it, and frowns.

'It's out of tune.'

Louis grins. 'Fix it then.' 

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

  
Chris's eyes widen upon seeing Pj with the instrument in his lap.

Pj strums each string individually, and hears the correct notes for the first time in months. 

'Are you going to play something?' Jamie grins.

Pj rolls his eyes at him. 'What do you wanna hear Jamie?'

Jamie hums. 'How about... _I Don't Wanna Live On The Moon?_ Remember that?' 

Pj smirks, and plays the first chord.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris watches him with a content and confused smile. The guitar is almost an extension of Pj, a part of him.

Pj's singing voice for the song is too low, lower than it should be. He's put himself out of his comfort zone to sing it, but it's nice.

The words Pj forgets, he hums. Sophie wraps her arms tighter around Louis half way through, tears in her eyes.

It's normal, it's normal again.

Pj hits out the last note, and then slams down on the strings, ending the melody.

A second of quiet. 

'I totally missed that.' Sophie comments.

Pj stares at his guitar, and then pulls it closer to him.

'Me too.'

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

  
The next day they visit the bakery again. This time, all of them go.

Sophie is first through the door, she immediately finds Ingrid. Louis and Jamie follow her.

Pj, Dan, Chris, and Phil, find Hannah quicker., she was cooking. She embraces all of them in turn.

'We picked your mail up for you again.' Hannah tells them. 'Four letters. I'm pretty sure one's from Mitchell. I got a letter from Mamrie and Grace, they're okay and together, which is amazing!'

Chris grins. 'Excellent.'

'It's a weight off my chest.' Hannah tells him.

'Ours too.' Phil responds.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Dan opens the first one and reads it eagerly.

'It's from Troye-'

'-What did he say?' Pj interrupts.

Dan frowns at him, looking him up and down.

'Calm down.'

Pj giggles. 'Fuck off. What did Troye say?'

'I'm not telling.'

Pj carries on laughing, and Dan joins in.

'Tell me.'

'Make me.'

Chris and Phil exchange looks. Hannah laughs.

'Guys, can we settle this with debate?'

'What's the fun in-' Pj snatches the letter away. '-Hey!'

'I super love winning.' Pj exclaims, he turns away from Dan.

Chris and Phil exchange another look, both restraining laughter.

Dan rests his chin on Pj's shoulder and reads over it.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'So Troye and Connor are fine then?' Pj asks Dan.

'More than fine. With Zoe, and the rest.'

Pj grins. 'Good. Who are the other letters from?'

Chris flicks his hand, and then the letters fly to Dan.

'Find out.' Chris instructs.  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj and Dan scour through letters , pouring through words, taking comfort in them. Louis joins them, and then Jamie, finally they are joined by Sophie and Ingrid.  
Phil, Hannah, and Chris watch.

Phil scratches at his head. The aura's are bright, ideas are niggling at him, and he's having issues sleeping, the auras don't stop being bright.

The idea wins out.

'Could I talk to you?' Phil turns to Hannah, then Chris. 'In private?'

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

  
Hannah shuts the door.

'Yes Phil?'

She turns to him. Chris watches with arms crossed.

'D-D-Do you think I could write a letter to the lakes?' He looks at the ground. 'I want to know if my family is alive.'

Chris and Hannah exchange a confused glance.

'Of course you can.' Hannah comforts him.

'Why did you think you couldn't?'

Phil looks up. 'Because I'm meant to be dead?'

Chris snorts. 'We'll say it's from Pj or Dan. If we say on it that he just wants to meet your family to talk about you, then we'll find their address and their stance.'

'Smart.' Hannah flicks him in the side of the head. Chris swats it away.

Phil considers it.

He smiles wider.

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

**_To Any Family Of Philip Micheal Lester,_ **

**_I knew your son, very well. I'd like to be in contact with any of you, as I'd like to discuss him with you, there's a lot about him you should know._ **

**_Please, respond. Visits, if you're shy to trust the mail, can be made._ **

**_From_ **

**_Daniel Howell_ **

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Is that good enough?' Dan asks, ink still wet on the paper.

Phil grins. 'It's perfect.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Hannah?'

'Yes?'

'Did anyone tell you I can make fire now?'

Hannah's look of shock and amusement makes Dan's day.

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

On the walk back to the farm, Sophie, Jamie, Chris, and Pj walk ahead. The others walk behind.

'Chris, I can hear your dirty thoughts from back here!' Phil shouts.

'I can feel your negative vibes from over here!' Chris shouts back.

'Guys, can we just get along?' Dan yells.

'I'm bored.' Pj jokes.

Watching them, the others hope the journey never ends.

When it does end, they return to work.

At the end of the day, after Chris has been to his birth families residence, they go to bed, they melt in each others arms, and smile.

Pj pants.

'Harvest is going to be over in a few weeks.'

Chris snorts. 'Okay?'

'It'll be the harvest festival in ten days, I asked Ingrid.'

Chris frowns. 'Is it nearly my birthday?'

Pj pecks him on the check. 'Would look like it.'

'It's been a busy year, hasn't it?'

Pj closes his eyes.

'The busiest. Go to sleep Chris.' He orders.

Chris pulls him closer. 'I love you too.' He snarks.

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj wakes up before Chris the next day, nightmares plagued him again.

The sun should be up soon. Pj isn't going to try and tempt the nightmares back. This time it was Sophie, Pj was reliving the moment he saw her before he fought, but she died at the end.

He slides out of bed, and he goes to the living room.

He jumps when he finds Sophie there. She looks up at him.

'Morning.' She greets.

He smiles. 'Why are you up?'

She shrugs. 'Who knows?'

He sits next to her. Both of them looking at each other for a few seconds. Pj reaches out and touches the top of her hand, double checking if he can heal her in any way. She grins at him.

'What?'

Pj shakes his head and removes his hand.

'Did you ever learn to properly use those guns?'

Sophie frowns. 'The ones your dad bought?' Pj nods. 'We got better. Why are you asking?'

Pj considers not telling her.

'I had a nightmare that you got shot.' Pj states. Her eyes widen. 'At least I didn't shoot you. I was just wondering if you did listen to me that day, the one before the war.'

She leans across and hugs him. He jumps, but hugs her back.

'You had a nightmare that I got shot?' She whispers.

'Yes?' He murmurs back.

She pulls away. When she sits again, she reaches over to pat down some of Pj's hair.

'That day, after you got back in the van, me and Louis sat and cried for a while.' She smiles thinking about it. 'Then he picked me up, we came back, told everyone what happened, and we prepared ourselves for the worst-'

'-Good. That's what you should have been doing anyway.'

She raises an eyebrow at him.

'Did you expect us to not look for you?'

He shrugs. 'I expected you all to know better than to attack the government-'

'-Me and Louis didn't attack. Your sister likes to fire warning shots. It was why that other van had to stop that day.'

Pj thinks it over, and laughs.

'I couldn't have healed her if she'd gotten shot a second time.'

'Try telling her that.'

They chuckle, it fades into silence.

'Why are you awake Sophie?' Pj asks. The sun is starting to come up.

She smiles.

'Louis was snoring, and it just played well into things.'

Pj frowns.

'Things?'

'We said we were going to talk more.'

Pj smiles. 'Chris is alive, there's not much more to talk about.'

A pause.

She bites her lip, and stares at him. Slowly, she takes his hand.

'There is though. Isn't there?'

Pj looks back at her. His nightmare comes back to him.

Seeing her get shot, it retrieves the real memories. He thinks of the real blood he saw. He feels that sensation of bugs beneath his skin, his power is a part of him now, but nobody wanted it put there. It's not right to force anything on anyone, power, war. Pj feels sick thinking of everything he's had done to him, he feels even more sick when he realizes that everything was best case scenario. They all could have just as easily died, been tortured, torn at the edges, experimented on. Pj Liguori returning home in shattered pieces was a miracle in itself. 

Pj shouldn't feel this guilty for things he was forced to do, but he can't help himself. Guilt only fades with time, closure, and assurance. Pj doesn't have all of that, but he has most of it.

He sees blood on the floor, and that sick frustration comes back into him. Why can't he just fix himself? He's got the love he craved to have returned to him.

Love doesn't fix everything. 

Slowly, for the first time in weeks, he begins to cry. She wraps her arms around him, shushing him, wiping away his tears.

When he stops crying, she kisses his cheek.

'You're going to be okay.'

Pj doesn't respond.

He knows he's going to be okay. The thing that's wrong is the amount of people that never will be.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Everyone had filed into the living room, Pj was glad to see Chris be the last one to wake up. He'd needed a good nights sleep. Phil seems to have slept better last night, apparently their aura's have been keeping him awake.

Twenty minutes into the work day, they're shearing down crops. Chris is using his ability to sort them. Pj is using his ability to make a few smaller ones bigger. Dan has been told to not use his ability at all in the fields, on pain of Sophie slapping him. 

Pj hears a sharp sound of pain.

He whips around to see his sister. Her face is contorted in pain. Pj frowns, and then spots the red dripping down her hand. Blood.

She turns to look at him.

'Peej, can you help get me to Dad?'

He drops his knife, and walks to her.

'What did you do?' Pj asks.

'I went to cut this-' She gestures to the plant in front of her. '-I missed. Can you-'

Pj puts his hand around her forearm.

He watches as the pain leaves her face. Soon, the blood remains on her hand but all she carries is a scar.

'Be more careful.' Pj instructs.

She rolls her eyes. 'I didn't do it on purpose.'

He smiles. 'I know, but be careful.'

'How does that even work?' His sister inquires.

Pj frowns at her.

She's the reason he's like this. He wonders if this is her reaching out to him, she'd never be upfront about it.

It crosses his mind, that she may have done that on purpose. She grew up here, she can harvest a plant without hurting herself. But he won't confront her.

'I can redirect my energy into regrowing cells, or some science shit like that.' He shrugs. 'All I know is, that to heal people, it has to come from love. I can't heal someone I don't love.'

Her eyebrow raises, and she smiles.

'I love you too, Little Brother.'

He turns and sees Chris pick Pj's shearing knife up for him. Chris tucks it into his belt and returns to his work.

He turns back to his sister.

'Go get that blood off you.'

Pj returns to his work.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The next day, Pj's sister works at Pj's side. She talks to everyone that Pj already loved, or loved in his absence from the farm. She laughs with Chris, relates to Dan, marvels at Phil.

Phil says her aura is light purple, and Pj's sister accepts them.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Dan has another nightmare the next night. Phil holds him in his arms as he screams through it. His aura is the colour of magma.

Pj ends up coming into the room. He lights a candle on his way.

Dan's merely whimpering now.

'He was fine earlier...' Phil comments.

Pj sits on the bed the other side of Phil. Dan is laying beside them, Pj is by his feet.

'He'll be fine again. I won't allow Dan to not be. He deserves that.'

Phil runs a hand through Dan's hair.

'When did we all get so protective over him?' Phil asks.

Pj chuckles. 'I think when we all saw him get a bit stronger with the help he'd never got before. Dan's easy to love. I certainly gained affection for him before I gained it for you.'

Phil snorts. 'Thanks.'

Pj frowns. 'You know I love you. I healed you, remember?'

Phil smiles as he remembers. 'So you did. Thanks Peej. Love you too.'

Pj looks down at Dan, who seems peaceful again.

'You're welcome.'

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris visits his family with Dan and Phil the next day. Pj wants to see his own family for a while, specifically his sister.

Dan and Chris talk to Emily. Dan finds Chris's little sister hilarious.

Phil ends up talking to Chris's parents, about Chris's childhood.

It doesn't take long for Phil to figure out that Chris sugarcoated his upbringing. He made it easier to swallow.

Phil goes along with it.

As they return to their new home, Phil realizes that he knows Chris better than Chris's family ever will. He knows the reasons behind Chris's ticks, his pet peeves, his worst and best days, his nightmares.

Phil can accept being Chris's family, because Chris is still his.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'It's a week until the harvest moon.' Louis says.

'With all the extra help, we should be done by then anyway.' Sophie comments.

'So we can wasted?' Pj suggests.

Jamie smirks.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The abnormals at the farm decide to visit the bakery again. Jamie comes with them, leaving Sophie and Louis behind.  
Hannah jumps in with a story of curious children, one who asked her how she got her power, as they wanted one too.

Ingrid hands a pile of letters to Pj and Dan.

Pj opens them slowly and intakes the words.

'This one's from Troye and Zoe. Louise wrote a note into it, she wants us to visit at some point.' Pj whispers to Dan.

'Maybe we can visit after harvest? We could tell them about Chris and Phil then?' Dan asks.

Pj responds, but Dan doesn't hear it.

He's too busy staring at the name at the top of the next letter.

'Phil...' All eyes go to Dan.

'Yes?'

Dan stands, takes the few short steps, and sits next to Phil.

He passes the letter to Phil, Phil's eyes widen.

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

  
_**To Daniel Howell** _

_**I'm the wife of Philip Lester's brother. His death has deeply hurt my husband, and his family, his parents especially.** _

_**I'm unsure as to whether more knowledge of Phil would help. Most of their regret comes from not knowing him, failing him. I think knowing him better could either help them or cripple them.** _

_**Daniel, I am not reluctant to use the mail, however, as an abnormal (You were on of the first to be trailed? Correct? Before the pardon?) I can see why you would be. Our address is on the front of the letter, write ahead about your visit, I'll need to find a way to get my husband to leave for some time. I can probably find you somewhere to stay.** _

_**Faithfully** _

_**Mrs Lester** _

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Phil is an odd mix of elated, and deflated. His brother is alive, but saddened.

Dan takes his hand on the walk home. Whilst Jamie and Pj discuss the festival, Phil feels the storm in his heart relax. They sent a letter back, requesting maybe to visit in a few weeks. Chris's aura had dimmed during the statement that Phil would like to go, but Chris understands. Phil's never going to leave him alone, so he tries not to overthink it. He really does try.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'So how many days is it until my birthday?'

'Four. And it's five 'til the festival.' Pj answers.

Chris's acts offended.

'Am I less important than a festival?'

Pj rolls over in the bed. He puts his hand over Chris's mouth.

'No. The festival just shuts up more often.'

Chris grins, and licks his palm.

Pj rolls his eyes. 'Ew...' He rubs the spit onto Chris's face.

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

It's the night before Chris's birthday, he'll be twenty eight.

Pj is asleep in his arms, completely gone.

Chris can feel the warmth of his body against his.

Chris takes a moment to compare who he is now, to who he was a year ago.

He'd have been asleep in his bedroom this time last year, he was, he remembers the bottle he was drinking from stang his throat. Chris wonders what has happened to the room that became Chris's safe house, his abnormal home. He prefers this sanctuary to that one.

Chris a year ago, had seen too much. He tried to not feel, and as a result, felt only the negative. He was cynical, and defensive, and offensive. He loved, because Chris couldn't find a way to remove that, but he didn't know peace from love.

Chris wonders if he met himself from a year ago, would he even recognize himself?

He's grown. He feels grown. Whilst there's still guilt, there's still the bad. There's good too. Amazing amounts of good.

The people Chris thought he got killed are alive. Most of Chris's friends are okay. The few that died, they'll never be forgotten.

The people that are most important to him, are okay.

He's started taking risks, and making life simple.

He's started knowing happiness, and drinking less.

When Chris falls asleep, he can sleep without a gun nearby, and that's the best part yet.

Chris knows safety now, and he knows home.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'It is, your birthday.' Pj smacks him in the chest.

Chris raises his eyebrow at him.

'Well shit...'

Pj rolls his eyes. He turns in bed, and attempts to kiss Chris on the cheek, Chris moves so he kisses his mouth.

Pj glares at him.

'You'll be the death of me.' Pj tries not to smile, but fails.

Chris nearly flinches.

'I'll die to keep you alive.'

Pj does flinch.

'Well that took a turn. Please don't do that again. I won't handle it again.'

Chris smiles at him.

'I'm not going to leave you again.' Chris kisses his shoulder. 'I have to stay to torment you, nobody else likes me!'

Pj chuckles. 'Other people like you. Phil likes you-'

'-Phil has to like me.'

'Me and Dan don't.'

Chris leans up onto his elbows. 'You do. You have to like the personality that comes with this amazing body.'

Pj glares at Chris again. 'I've had times where you've annoyed the shit out of me, yet I still appreciated the body-'

'-Oh come on, that was one time.'

Pj laughs again.

He pulls Chris down, and brushes their mouths together.

They break away and, with Chris's body mostly on top of Pj's, Pj smirks.

'Happy Birthday.'

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris leaves his bedroom with his hair messed up and his lips puffy, he's grinning.

Phil spots his aura and grimaces.

Chris smirks at him.

'Is nothing sacred?' Chris asks.

Phil glares back.

'You're pretty acquainted with sin.'

Chris snorts.

'Says you. We're all attracted to sin.'

Phil raises an eyebrow at him.

'Attracted? That's not the word. Perhaps tolerant?'

Chris shrugs.

'Attracted. I'm down for sin, especially if my sin's pretty.'

Phil giggles.

'Can sin be pretty?'

Chris grins. 'Course, you've got levels of it. Killing people because you have to, not pretty. Anger sex? Fucking beautiful.'

Phil's eyes widen, he puts his head into his hands.

'Pj was the guy you had anger sex with wasn't he?' Phil groans.

Chris grins at him, raises an eyebrow, and walks away.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Dan comes into the room before Pj.

'Happy birthday Chrissy.' Dan greets.

Pj walks in.

'Chrissy?' Pj questions.

'If he calls me Spork, then I can call him Chrissy.' Dan argues.

'But Chrissy? That's not even good-' Pj retorts.

'Mum! Dad! Don't fight on my birthday!' Chris shouts.

Dan smirks.

'...Daddy...'

Pj grimaces. 'Oh no-'

'-Daddy, you should have told me how you felt.' Chris jokes, he winks at Dan.

Pj turns around to face Phil. 'We both made some bad choices, didn't we?'

Phil slowly nods.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The day is short and blissful. The days are getting colder and colder. Pj's wearing more of his old clothes, Chris is wearing Pj's clothes. Phil has been left to share with Dan. Pj's going to have to bring up getting more clothes with his mother at some point.

Chris's mother and father are coddling Chris. Chris isn't sure if he minds, or if he could find the power in him to fight them. He's lived long enough with a family of hurt and sad abnormals wishing him a happy birthday. He's happy having plain hurt normals, his biological family, wishing him a happy birthday,.

'You know, you were a very cute baby.' His mother tells him, again.

Chris smiles. 'Was I?'

'A fine young gentlemen too.' His father turns to his mother. Chris sees his face in both of them. He's been told he has his mother's nose, his father's skin and jawline. 'Do you remember when Pj Liguori and, which of the others was it? Jamie Swar-Something?'

Chris frowns. 'What about Pj and Jamie?'

His father turns to him.

'Your last Harvest Festival. The three of you got lost together. You must have been five, Pj was barely walking, as was Jamie. We never found out what happened. But when we found you, you all had a loaf of bread each and some chocolates.'

'I was so terrified of losing you at the time that I spoiled you for weeks...' She grimaces. 'I was glad I did in hindsight.'

Chris grins. 'You can spoil me now, if you want.' His mother smiles again. 'Was I close friends to...'

'Your now boyfriend?' Emily shouts from the next room.

'Him.' Chris adds.

His parents exchange a look.

'Not overly, but you saw each other. If you'd grown up here, you may have known him better. Everyone knows everyone in passing at least here.'

Chris grins.

He'd known Pj then. Chris has an image of them both in his head. An infant version of both of them. Pj still with his wild eyes and grin. Chris having seen a lot less. It's nice to imagine them growing together naturally.

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

  
Later in the day, Chris is alone with Pj again.

'Apparently we knew each other as kids.'

Pj's eyebrows raise, he nods.

'Makes sense. Small mountains.'

Chris snorts. 'Well that doesn't conflict at all.'

Pj shrugs.

'We conflict.' Pj tells him. 'We're still here. We're still alive. It's still your birthday.'

Chris nods. 'All of those are good things.'

'Could be worse.' Pj jokes.

Chris thinks of war, blood, and death. He thinks of living this far. He thinks of the rules and regulations. The amount of times the lives of people he loves were put at risk.

He thinks of the people that died. The people that went missing. The haunted eyes and glassy looks from bodies.

He thinks of drawing blood and screams.

Images assault him.

'Chris?'

'C-Could be.'

Chris looks at Pj. He feels that power in his fingertips. He could stroke Pj's hair without moving, he could fix a button, he could break his body.

Chris closes his eyes.

'You're still trapped. Aren't you?' Pj asks.

Chris frowns at him.

'Could I be? I'm home, I'm with the people I love, and that's home for me. I'm safe for the first time. I'm living for me, and for you. Christ, could I still be trapped?'

'By yourself? Maybe?'

'I don't get guilty. I don't get trapped. I'm me. I'm not weak enough to cage.'

Pj reaches out, placing a hand on either side of Chris's head. He kisses him.

Chris kisses back to fight away tears, not today. Today isn't the day he breaks. He's been through too much to break now.

'It's okay...' Pj breaks away. He rests their foreheads together. 'I love you. It's okay Chris. Tell me.'

Chris starts sobbing.

Pj holds him close. Falling to the ground of their bedroom with him.

Chris doesn't talk much when he cries. Pj learns that.

In between sobs, and drying his tears, Pj talks.

'It's okay. You're loved. We're going to be fine. We did bad things, but we'll make up for it. We'll have long lives with loads of super cool sex. We'll be amazing. When someone on the farm has kids, I'll heal all their scrapes, and you can keep them entertained with your ability. We'll do good things. You've always been a performer.'

Pj kisses the top of his head.

'We shouldn't feel guilty, we tried our best.'

Chris stops hyperventilating.

Pj carries on littering his skin with kisses and petting him.

'I love you. I love you. I never told you that enough. I love you. If I could take your guilt into mine, I would. I want you to be happy, even if you drive me _mad_. I love you.'

'I am happy.' Chris whispers. 'I just...can't sometimes.'

'Same.' Pj tells him.

'We work on that?' Chris's throat is raw.

'Forgiving ourselves?'

'Yeah.' Chris laughs.

Time carries on passing. Pj carries on rocking them both, running hands over Chris's skin, kissing him.

'Pj...'

'Yes.'

'I love you too.'

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris values falling asleep naturally more than he values his life. He's been using his ability less, doing more, less punching of people; he wonders if that has something to do with it.

Pj is still holding him close, he's fast asleep. His face is passive and peaceful. Smiling up at him, Chris kisses his jaw.

Chris shuts his eyes.

No images of war come to him.

Soon, he falls asleep. He dreams of the abnormal tower, his friends gathered on that rooftop again, the ones he lost over the years are closest to him. Jimmy is at his side; Chris lost him on a mission ten years ago, he'd kissed him whilst the light left his eyes. Joey is giggling with Tyler. Cat is poking at Phil. The teenagers, the few he never saw again, tell jokes. Tom offers Chris another drink. Olan laughs again, he was laughing at Chris when he died.

Despite all the dream could be, it brings Chris some peace. They were killed by enemies who feel nothing, Chris is allowed to feel nothing in return for all he's seen. They'd wish him happiness. He knows that.

When Chris wakes up, he's alone in bed. He's wistful for the people he loved and lost.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'How's you Peej?' Sophie asks him again.

They sit alone in the living room. Pj has his guitar in his arms, absentmindedly picking at strings.

'I'm not sure.' Pj honestly answers.

She raises an eyebrow at him.

Pj continues.

'I'm fine one moment, then I get upset without meaning too. Some moments shine, others, don't shine. I think that, like a lot of things, is a part of life. But my low moments are lower than they should be.'

'Why do you think that is?' Sophie questions.

Pj frowns.

'Because I did bad shit?'

'Chris and Phil, maybe even Dan, have totally done worse. So tell me, Pj, why do you feel worse then them?'

'I-I don't think I do Soph. Chris feels guilt, he just knows how to deal with it better. He was a child when he first killed someone, of course he knows how. Phil was the same. Dan's just a better actor than me.'

'Why do you all feel guilty based on something you all had to do to survive?'

Pj frowns, he bites his lip. He stops playing his guitar.

'I don't know, human nature?'

'I think it's more than that. I think it's because you all want to torture yourself because you feel like you can't be happy yet.'

Pj grimaces.

'Maybe.'

'And that's not true, you know?'

Pj forces a smile.

'I know. I am happy Sophie. Sometimes, it's just too much to expect of me. But, I think I'll get there. Just give me some time.'

Sophie smiles back.

'You're not in love with ghosts anymore. You have all of the time in the world.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter next. Leave me a comment, I'm insecure and desperate for attention xx  
> (I'm mostly kidding but do leave a comment if you want xxx)


	12. Chapter 12

The festival of the harvest moon is beautiful. There is so much light in the village, so much laughter. The war's ending means that the festival is more spectacular than ever. They spend the following day with Ingrid and Hannah in the bakery, sending letters.

They return to the farm, and soon, harvest ends.

Phil makes an announcement.

'I'm going to the lakes.' Phil's voice quivers with uncertainty. Dan nods him on. 'Dan's coming with me. I-I-I have to go see them.'

Chris is completely still for a moment. All eyes were are him for a response.

'You'll come back to me?' Chris asks.

'Of course. I'll write if you want me too.'

Chris hugs him.

Soon, they see Dan and Phil off. Chris had fights off the urge to cry.

Pj makes it his mission to distract Chris with kisses, and more.

Winter nights crawl into their skin, but fires keep them warm. Pj only notices that Louis is wearing Sophie's bracelet during one of the nights.

They visit the bakery more often. Chris needs to have the presence of someone who truly experienced what he experienced, and it gives Pj the chance to respond to letters. Zoe and Troye write to tell Pj that they'd seen Dan, and Phil. That letter becomes one of Pj's favorites, Zoe and the rest of them had found out that Phil and Chris were alive, but only truly accepted it upon seeing Phil.

Soon, Phil writes too.

'He's found them. His family.' Pj tells Chris.

Chris smiles. 'Good.'

'That's super good. Apparently they ended up all crying. Phil likes them, they're all eccentric.'

Chris grins. 'Like the best of us.'

Phil decides to spend more time in the lakes, and it doesn't surprise anyone. Chris still thinks of him, and writes when he can.

Soon, the winter ends.

Chris has never felt more at home, he's never felt safer, and he's never achieved the simplicity of happiness before.

Pj feels guilty, but his guilt has changed. He knows its irrationality.

Pj's family start to reach out to him more in the new season. His sister was already close, Chris thinks that she probably made them do it. He never asks.

Their presence makes Pj happier. They learn to accept Chris for his self and his ability.

Pj plays guitar more often. Chris starts to learn the songs.

At another visit to the bakery, Pj receives another important letter.

'What does it say?' Hannah inquires.

'It's from Phil.' Pj turns to Chris. 'He's coming back, he doesn't know for how long, with Dan, if we have the space.'

'We have the space!' Ingrid interrupts.

Chris and Pj exchange a look, and Pj begins writing back.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj and Chris are waiting at the bakery for Phil and Dan to arrive.

Pj has his hand around Chris's.

'You scared?' Pj asks.

Chris bites his lip. 'A little.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Phil comes through the door first. He's got stubble. Pj thinks he's always going to remember the look on Phil's face when he spots Chris.  
Chris runs to Phil, and Phil holds his arms out for him. They embrace, holding each other as close as possible.

Dan ducks around them, and smiles at Pj.

'Good to see you Peej.'

'Sight for sore eyes.' Pj responds.

Dan and Pj hug for a few seconds, before pulling away.

'How was the lakes?' Pj asks.

'Nice. Phil's family are all brilliant. Zoe, Troye, everyone, Louise, they're all doing really well. It's been really good to see them.'

'Everyone doing alright?'

'It's been some time now. Everyone's getting a bit better now.'

Pj sneaks a glance at Chris. Chris and Phil have broken apart now, exchanging excited words.

'Time to heal up a bit?' Pj suggests.

Dan turns, and looks at the same thing Pj is looking at.

'Yeah.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Phil and Chris are the only two still awake. They sit by the fireplace at the bakery.

'I think seeing my parents has been really good for me.' Phil tells him again. 'My brother is married, he has kids.' Phil grins. 'They called one Philip.'

Chris chuckles. 'I knew you'd be missed.'

'They all had purply, pinky, greeny auras; calm ones. Mad as... I can't even think. Just getting to know them made me feel more... free.'

Chris nudges him with his foot.

'Maybe you were wrong. Maybe the different can be free, if they aren't being exploited.' Chris raises an eyebrow at Phil, and smiles. 'Or used.'

'I think freedom comes from love, or at least, some love.' Phil replies. Chris frowns at him.

'What do you mean?'

'I never had the opportunity to love without threat before. I think some freedom came from that, and being myself, and just being.'

Chris smiles at his best friend.

The firelight reflects on both of their faces.

Chris always feels better with Phil. Having someone that knows him so well, a brother to him, still amazes Chris.

'Are you happy Buddy?' Chris questions.

Phil nods.

'More elated then I ever thought I could be.'

Chris shrugs.

'That's probably your freedom Philly.'

Phil stares at him, raises an eyebrow, and smiles.

'I'm not just an injection, am I?'

Chris shakes his head with ferocity. 

'You are more than the simplest terms people attach to you. You're not an injection, you're not just a mistake, you're not just an abnormal, or a monster. You're you, and they'll let you become so focused on labels that you forget that.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'I think I'm going to live in the lakes.' Phil tells Chris.

Chris's heart stops for a second.

'I'm still going to visit, and write.' Phil carries on. 'Dan's told me he'll go where I go. I want to know my family. I think I'm going to live with Zoe. Dan's saying that if we settle, he's going to get a job. It's a bit too dangerous for me too, so I'm probably just going to take care of the house and the people-'

'-Stay at home Dad?'

Phil shrugs. 'I like the idea of it. I'd like for you to be there too, but I know you'll stay here, because I would.'

Chris nods.

'Is Dan better?'

Phil nods. 'He's so much better, so much stronger. I can help him the way he needs to be helped. He's accepting himself, it's beautiful to see, he's beautiful.'

Chris chuckles.

'Go.' Chris orders. 'Go live at the lakes, be a stay at home dad without the children, be happy.'

Chris feels pain in his heart, but elation elsewhere.

As long as Phil is happy, then Chris doesn't have to worry, but he always will.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Dan and Phil return to the lakes a few days later.

This time. Chris doesn't cry watching them go, he simply smiles.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Summer comes and goes.

The one year anniversary of Pj's day of being triggered arrives. The day after, the anniversary of the first day he met Chris.

Pj knows Chris knows, he's more affectionate throughout the day. As Pj closes that night, he feels Chris kissing each of his eye lids.

'You know it's not our anniversary right?' Pj tells him.

He can practically hear Chris smile.

'It's the anniversary to the first time you ever sassed me.' Chris jokes.

Pj laughs. 'Go to sleep.'

'Sleep with me.' Chris teases.

Pj opens his eyes to glare at Chris. 'So smooth.'

'Says you.'

'Don't make this into a fight. I'm part monster, I'll take you down.' Pj taunts. 

Pj teases him with a wide grin.

'Why don't you come here and stop me?'

Pj takes the challenge.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Louis loves the summer. He can sleep with the door open, and see the way the sun plays on Sophie's skin.

He's still very much in love with her.

Louis's parents have accepted it, they were always more accepting. Sophie's parents haven't warmed up quite as much.

Sophie moving in with Louis probably didn't aid the situation.

And neither will this.

'You're pregnant?' Louis asks, again.

She grasps his hand tightly. They're both sat on the bedroom floor.

'I could just be very late, but it's totally looking like it.' She sighs.

Louis sighs, biting his lip, he considers their options.

His mind races with possibilities, what could happen? How this could end?

He squeezes her hand.

He nods again.

'Okay.' Louis concludes.

Sophie snorts. ' _Okay?_ What the fuck do you-'

'-It's okay. I mean, I always planned on it, having kids. I'm in love with you, and we have time. Are you happy with me?'

She frowns at him. 'What kind of a question is that? I'm happier than I've ever been. Fucking hell. But this wasn't planned. I don't think I'm ready, I don't think you are. So much could-'

'So we'll handle this together, fuck it, you know? I'll marry you if I have to.' Louis tells her.

Sophie stares at him, and swallows. She ends up laughing.

'You're the pinnacle of romance.'

Louis giggles. 'Do you really want to marry _me?_ I'm not exactly everything I should be.'

Sophie rolls her eyes. 'There's a high chance I'm carrying your child, you're perfect to me. Shut up.'

Louis frowns, and then smiles.

'Sophie Newton, will you-'

'-Don't ask me to marry you because I'm probably pregnant!'

Louis puts his hands up in surrender.

'Okay, I'll surprise you.'

'Better.'

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Sophie and Louis are laying next to each other in bed. She's wearing one of his shirts. Her eyes are closed. He's stroking her forearm, kissing her shoulder.

A part of him hopes she is pregnant, neither of them are ready, but it'd be starting their own family.

All he wants is to have her for as long as possible. It's nearly been a year, it's definitely been a year since he fell in love with her.

'Sophie? Are you awake?' He whispers.

She wiggles back into him. He pulls her closer to him, pressing her back to his chest.

'Yes.' She murmurs back.

Louis grins.

'Will you marry me?'

Sophie chuckles.

'Sure.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

  
Louis had been fully involved with his work, but her absence is suddenly noticeable.

'Where's Sophie?' Louis asks.

Pj turns to look, and can't find her either.

'Chris!'

Chris pokes out from behind some crops, the knife in his hand throws Pj a little bit, but it's covered in dirt, not blood.

'Yes Peej?'

'You seen Soph?'

Chris shakes his head.

'I saw her heading back home a while back. Looked a bit ill? Didn't she say anything? Is she alright?' Chris questions.

Louis gets a bad feeling in his stomach.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Sophie? Curls?' Louis shouts as he goes through the doors. There's no response.

She has to be here, unless she left the farm. Where would she have gone?

'Sophie? Please be here.'

Louis hears a sob.

The dread falls from his heart to his stomach.

'Sophie...'

He thinks it came from their bedroom. He walks quickly, opens the door, and finds that she's not there. He frowns.

It came from this side of the house. The bathroom?

He walks in the other direction, but hears another cry.

The spare bedroom.

Louis hears her again, he rests his hand on the door handle before pushing through.

'Sophie...'

'Louis....'

She's sitting on the ground, crying to herself. Her face is red, blotchy, and wet.

'What's wrong?' Louis asks.

'I'm like, actually pregnant aren't I? Sophie chokes out. Her voice is raw. 'It's been too long to be anything else. I've missed two periods, I'm getting fucking mood swings, and I came here because I thought I was going to throw up.' She rubs her face with her hands. 'This is nuts.'

'Tell me about it.' Louis says. She chuckles.

Louis sits on the floor next to her, putting his arm around her. She tucks herself into his side.

'Why do we keep on ending up on the floor?' Sophie asks.

Louis smirks. 'It wouldn't be the first time...'

She glares at him, smiling despite having cried. 'Really?'

'I think if there's a time for humor, it's now.'

She sighs. 'I guess.'

He holds her closer.

'Look, we'll look at it from a distance. We've been together for about a year now, and we've known each other for... since I was born I suppose. We're a good team, and we can handle it. The baby, I'm guessing we're going to have to start accepting that, will have a lot of family. Crazy Uncle Peej is a healer, if something goes wrong, we've got him. We've got Chris, who I'm pretty sure would beat anybody up that tried to touch a hair on your head, he's taken a shine to you Soph. Then Jamie, who we both know would probably accidentally starve himself by trying too hard. It's not going to be easy, ideally we would have waited, but if it's going to happen, then bring it on.'

'I'm scared.'

'Me too.' Louis tells her. 'But I promised myself that I'd take care of you. This extends to this. Sophie, what are you scared of?'

She raises her eyebrows.

'...That I'm not going to be ready for this. That we won't take care of it right.' She sighs. 'I guess carrying the thing too.'

Louis bites his lip.

'We could put it up for adoption?' Louis suggests. 'If you wanted, and thought it was best-'

'-No. We have the money and the home for a child. I wouldn't trust the current government with any child and I couldn't ruin my child's life out of fear. I would be disgusted with myself.'

Sophie practically snarls through tears. Louis can still see her overwhelming strength, even through tears. Sophie has never been afraid of conflicting.

Louis smiles at her.

'There's my Sophie. So we've got an answer then?'

Sophie stares at him, at herself, then she nods.

'Try our damn best.'

'That okay?'

'Yeah. I'm still going to cry again sometime.'

Louis kisses her temple.

'Me too.'

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

  
'I'm not telling them we're getting married.' Sophie says.

Louis frowns. 'Why?'

'I don't want a shotgun wedding.'

Louis snorts. 'So I'm supposed to eventually tell my parents that we're expecting, and I'm not planning on being traditional.'

Sophie raises an eyebrow at him.

'You? Not being traditional? How _scandalous..._ ' 

'When are we going to tell them?'

Sophie hears Chris and Pj walk through the front door.

'We can get two out of the way now.' Sophie shrugs.

Louis smirks.

'Can I be funny with it?'

Sophie laughs. 'You're always funny with it.'

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Sophie and Louis walk into the living room.

'Hey Peej. How are you?' Louis greets.

'Hey. I'm alright. What's up with you? Is Sophie alright?'

'Nothing much is up with me.' Louis responds. 'They're putting hot water in here next month, Dad's considering getting farm cats, Sophie's pregnant...'

Pj's eyes widen, mouth falling open.

Chris turns, takes one look at Sophie, and begins cackling laughing.

'Just don't take any fucking injections.' Chris jokes.

Sophie starts laughing too. Louis and Pj both glare at their significant others.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Jamie takes the news of Sophie's pregnancy with a mix of emotions.

He starts off with Pj's reaction, and ends with Chris's.

'Best of luck with that.' Jamie tells them.

Sophie snorts, and hugs him.

'We're gunna fucking need it.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

  
Sophie knows the truth is going to be hard to hide for much longer. She's going to start showing soon, she's already got half of the side effects.  
She's standing outside her parents house. The crop is growing strong in the fields. Pj has made it grow faster, and Chris should speed up the cropping intensely.

She knocks on the door of her old home. She knows that on the farm grounds, Louis is doing the same thing with his parents.

She hears shuffling, her father answers the door.

He frowns. 'Sophie?'

'We need to talk.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Sophie's fathers eyes widen again.

He pinches the top of his nose.

'You're having a baby?'

Sophie nods. 'Yeah.'

'Sophie...' Her mother chides.

'I know. But I love Louis, and you know he's good. You know him. It wasn't done on purpose, I was shocked, so was he. We're going to work as hard as we need to, we're going to make it work.' She laughs. 'Besides, you guys weren't that much older than me when you had me.'

Her parents exchange a long pained look.

Sophie shuts her eyes.

'I didn't want him here today, because I didn't want him to hear this.' She opens her eyes, and glares at them. 'He makes me happy. Get your shit together, because he's more important to me. This is happening. Louis is a good man. Deal, with it or I will do what I have to do.' She pauses. 'For the family I'm going to have.'

She knows they hoped Louis was a temporary thing, an awkward phase. Sophie knew pretty early on that this would be more than that.

Silence.

'Louis's a good man.' Her father repeats in a whisper.

'I guess, if you had to do this with anyone...' Sophie's mother starts.

'Just sooner than planned' Sophie jokes. They both spare a laugh.

Sophie's mother hugs her.

'You'll always be my little girl.' She tells her.

Sophie smiles.

Maybe she'll understand that in a few months.

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

After telling their parents and, as a result of gossiping, having the rest of the farm and then the whole village find out, Sophie takes her first trip to see the village doctor. The practice is clean, and run mostly on rations, donations, and herbal remedies. The midwife double checks that she is indeed pregnant, Sophie considers not being it for a second and is conflicted. When the midwife confirms the pregnancy, Sophie sighs relief. She determines it as a healthy pregnancy also.

Louis holds her hand for the whole journey home.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'So you're putting hot water in for everyone in the mountains?' Pj asks.

The engineer nods. 'Everyone we can reach.'

Sophie's bump has grown extremely apparent.

'It should be useful for delivering this one.' Sophie taps her stomach.

'I missed hot baths.' Pj comments. 'It was one of the good things about the city.'

The engineer frowns. 'You've been to the city?'

It's only now that Pj sees the piercing above their eyebrow, other nation.

'I'm an abnormal.' Pj keeps his words short and clipped.

_I killed one of your people._

The engineer's face pales.

'The wars were so horrible. I was a part of the group that called for the pardoning of abnormals, before Chris Kendall and Phil Lester had to die. Such a waste of life, for the both of them.'

Sophie keeps her eyes on Pj. She knows Chris is in the house, in his bedroom to be exact.

Pj swallows and keeps smiling.

'I'm thankful for what you did.'

'Don't thank me. You were being marginalized and attacked as a group, that isn't freedom, you weren't free, and as a result, you were attacked. I believe in my morals.'

Their engineer shrugs.

'Still, thank you.' Sophie chimes in.

They nod.

'I'll get hot water to this house through a boiler, obviously. This house should be easy to secure to an electricity line, as there will be a line heading to the Kendall residence next door.'

Pj thinks they must be oblivious as to who the Kendall's are related to.

'When should we get hot water then?'

They smile.

'Next two weeks.'

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'We officially have hot water.'

'Dibs first bath.' Sophie announces.

'Aw...' Chris jokes, feigning disappointment. Pj rolls his eyes at him.

'I'm pregnant.' Sophie argues.

'I'm a war hero.' Chris defends.

'You're dead.'

Chris laughs. 'You have it. I don't actually care.'

Sophie smirks at him before heading to the bathroom.

She walks in, leaving the door open, and runs the tap. When she puts her fingers under the water flow, she finds heat. She sighs.

She feels a hand on the small of her back, and sees Louis's hand put the plug into the bath. She turns to look at him.

'Mind if I join you?'

His voice is practically a growl in her ears.

'Not at all.'

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Sophie is over halfway through her pregnancy and has started craving bread with cheese on top, resulting in more trips to the village, and more letters being sent.

Today was a short trip, Pj had to run some errands for the farm, picking up seeds, trading.

When he walks back into his home, Sophie looks at him eagerly.

'Well...'

Pj puts the bag of still warm bread onto the side.

'Fucking yes.' Sophie exclaims, snatching the bag away.

Pj laughs. He then throws a letter at Chris.

'It's Phil's writing I'm sure. He's started sharing envelopes with Troye and co though, so there might be something in there for me.' Pj comments.

Chris tears open the letter, and begins reading.

'Good day?' Louis asks.

Pj takes a seat. 'Brilliant. All the business partners are scared of my abnormal shit, so I'm so an asset to this farm right now.'

'Imagine if we sent Chris instead.' Jamie mutters. Chris snorts at that.

'We just want the people buying stuff to pay up, not pay double.'

'I'm worth my weight in gold.' Chris comments.

'Fools gold.' Pj says.

'You shut that pretty mouth Liguori.' Chris smiles. 

Chris puts the letter in his lap, having finished reading it.

Chris turns to Sophie, who is devouring some bread before dinner.

'Phil wants to know if you have any names picked out for Junior, or rather, Dan has a soft spot for children and wants to know. Also, they wish you the best of luck, like they have in the last two letters.' Chris explains.

Sophie and Louis exchange a look.

'We've got some names planned, but nothing solid.'

'He doesn't agree with me.' Sophie says, eating more bread, and thus, finishing a roll.

'You're the one giving birth to it.' Chris argues, glaring at Louis.

Louis stares back. 'Wait until you hear the name for a girl...'

Sophie rolls her eyes. 'The name Lucy, is not that bad.'

'Lucy and Louis?' Louis points out.

'It's cute.'

'It's horrific.'

Sophie glares at Louis. Jamie and Pj exchange a look.

'I didn't pick it to sound like your name Lou. I picked it because of that song Pj used to sing... The one we danced to when school finished?'

Pj's eyes widen.

 _'Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds?'_ Pj asks.

Sophie smiles. 'That's probably my favourite song, Louis is being a grump.'

'I'm always a grump, however, Lucy and Louis are too similar.'

Sophie rolls her eyes.

'I also like William for a boy.' Sophie subject changes.

'William is nice.' Jamie says.

Sophie grins. She absentmindedly puts a hand on her bump, she walks and slowly sits next to Louis whilst she speaks.

'He likes Elliot aswell. The old fashioned names work well with the last name 'Grant'.'

'Is this why you're with me?' Louis jokes. He puts his arm around her. 'For the name?'

She kicks at him. 'That and the rest.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

  
Louis isn't surprised when the time comes for his first child to be born, Sophie looked like she could pop for a week. He is with her throughout, she refuses to let him go. Louis can't describe how he feels, his world is about to change, his excitement and worry is through the roof.

The midwife from the village delivers the baby.

Sophie was in labour for hours. Louis must have been called every swear word in the book. Sophie cried, and Louis ended up crying with her, shushing her, whispering to her.

Pain progresses.

The midwife comments throughout. Louis's grip on Sophie's hand tightens, their baby is coming.

Louis laughs at the determination on Sophie's face, and she thought she'd make a bad mother.

There's infant crying.

'It's a girl.'

Sophie and Louis exchange a smile through Sophie's panting.

Sophie is the first person to hold their daughter, their baby cries air into her new lungs. Louis can see her angry pink skin for the first time. Slowly, Louis extends fingers, his hand is supporting her head, he can't decribe the swelling in his chest. Sophie starts shedding tears again.

'I love you.' Sophie whispers to her child.

It's odd how Louis instantly agrees with her.

Sophie rocks her child, Louis kisses Sophie's cheek.

'You did so well.'

Sophie grimaces in pain again before grinning at him.

'I know right.'

'May I clean her?' The midwife suggests.

Louis has never been more glad for the hot water. Sophie hands the child over, shooting Louis a look.

Louis follows their daughter, helping bathe her, guarding her.

When Louis turns, Sophie has fallen asleep. She's been in labour for hours, Louis doesn't blame her.

When Louis looks back at his daughter, her eyes have opened. He'd hoped their child would have Sophie's beautiful eyes, his daughter has Louis's blue ones.

But on her face, they're the most beautiful thing he knows. The midwife hands her to Louis, instructing him to cradle her head.

'I need to take care of Sophie. I know your friends and family are waiting-' The nurse grins. '-You may want to put their minds at ease, and put your baby in her cradle for a little while.'

'I won't leave her-'

'-That's what I like to hear from a new parent, but I'll be here, Sophie will be here. You can leave for a few moments Louis.'

Louis swallows, and agrees. He looks down at his baby. She's closed her eyes again, she's sleeping.

'I suppose today's been a long day for you.' Louis jokes.

The midwife chuckles. 'For all of us. Did you decide on a name?'

Louis looks at the midwife, and then back at Sophie.

Louis smiles.

'Lucy.'

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Louis walks out of their bedroom, and almost straight into Pj.

'Is she okay?' Pj asks. 'Sophie?'

Louis's eyes widen. He sighs.

'She's just out of energy. They're both fine.'

'Do you want me to give her some energy?' Pj asks. 'I could?'

Louis considers it, and shakes his head.

'No, don't.' Louis grins to himself. 'In the morning maybe, give her space.' Louis swallows, and exhales loudly. 'It's a girl. We have a daughter.' Louis whispers.

Pj's mouth turns into a grin. He hugs Louis with all of his strength.

'Go back in there.' Pj instructs. 'We'll all get some sleep and leave you to it.'

Louis turns and looks at the door.

'Thank you.'

Pj claps his hand onto his shoulder.

'I'm an uncle, don't mention it.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Louis returns to the room.

The midwife is dabbing at Sophie's forehead.

'She'll need to have a long bath in the morning. Preferably with lavender oil if you have it.'

'Consider it done.' Louis answers.

'Lucy is fast asleep.' The midwife smiles at Louis. 'Your daughter has your eyes.'

Louis nods. 'I hope she has her mother's everything else.'

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The midwife sleeps in their spare room, the one which will become their daughters. Chris and Pj are going to stay in the house for a while, to help, perhaps using abilities. Their room will still be at the other end of the house, as always.

Louis spends the night watching over his newborn, and his fiancee.

Lucy's eyes open, and stare up at him, he reaches into the crib. Gently, he lifts her into his arms, and sits on the bed, rocking her like he's been told to rock babies. She doesn't make a noise, as quiet as Louis can be.

'What did I do to deserve both of you?' Louis whispers.

A smile.

'You were you.'

Louis turns to Sophie. Her eyes are barely open.

'Go to sleep Curls.'

'Let me see her.' Sophie orders. She reaches out for her child.

Louis moves to her.

'She asked me for a name. It's not official though.' Louis mentions.

Louis walks slowly around the bed, leaning on the side of the bed.

Sophie frowns. 'What did you pick?'

'Lucy.'

Sophie grins.

Louis gives her their child. Sophie pushes herself up, wincing in pain.

Sophie stares down at her child.

'She suits Lucy.'

Lucy opens her eyes. Sophie's mouth falls open.

'She looks like you.' Sophie exclaims.

Louis shakes his head. 'Don't tell her that.'

Sophie laughs.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Sophie drifts off to sleep with her baby in her arms. Louis takes Lucy into his arms again, he talks to her.

'Sorry Baby Girl, you're wanting to get to sleep aren't you?' His baby closes her eyes, Louis chuckles as he holds her. 'You and Sophie... Mum fell asleep and now I'm _all_ alone.'

An odd thought crosses his mind. He imagines Pj at this age, already abnormal, already wrecked by a choice that wasn't his.

When Louis imagines Chris's position, his heart stops. Chris was a child when he was taken, he's been told that, not even double figures. What happened to them should never happen to a human being, but when people are kept in ignorance and fear, they will stand by. You can't let fear rule you. 

Louis imagines Lucy being taken from him, and his blood runs cold.

Lucy is protected. Louis knows that. Chris and Pj are on their side, Phil and Dan. Louis knows what Chris did, Louis has a feeling that if Chris asked, most of the abnormal population would take up weapons to defend Lucy. Fear would turn into fight, as it should.

Louis values that eternally.

The crib that Sophie obtained is wooden and aged, but completely secure. Louis lowers his daughter into it.

'Goodnight Lucy, tomorrow's going to be a busy day for you.'

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Louis doesn't get much sleep that night. He's running on his own personal high.

He's completely terrified, but ecstatic. He's a father.

He's completely devoted.

The midwife comes into the room.

'I'm going to double check on Sophie, and little Lucy-'

'-Can I help?' Louis asks.

'You could run Sophie a hot bath. Do you know how to bathe Lucy?'

'Our parents have taught us the basics. They should be here soon.'

The midwife grins. 'Good.'

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'You okay Sophie?'

Sophie glares at Louis.

'I'm not exactly sparklin'.'

Louis snorts.

The midwife has just gone home, she'd checked that Sophie could feed Lucy. Lucy is awake, but insisting upon being held. Louis isn't denying her any holding, and neither is Sophie.

'She's going to be spoiled rotten.' Louis says.

'And we're still not going to stop it.' Sophie comments. Louis laughs.

'I'm going to help get you in the bath, and then bring Lucy in here so she doesn't cry. Does that sound good?'

'And once I'm bathed?'

Louis grins. 'Lucy meets the family. If that's alright with you?'

Sophie rolls her eyes, she kisses Lucy's forehead with a cloud light touch, and then her husband's lips with force.

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj is still awake.

Chris rolls his eyes.

'Pj, are you, by any chance, excited?'

'Chris...' Pj whines. 'I'm practically an uncle. Let me be excited.'

Chris wraps his arms around Pj's waist. Pj is sat up in bed.

'Don't you go full Pj on them. Sophie just gave birth. I imagine it isn't pleasant.'

'We've both been shot, and I think we an relate.'

'Are you saying childbirth is like being shot?' Chris asks.

Pj shrugs. 'Maybe?' He grins. 'Louis looked amazed.'

'Course he did.'

'I like it. It's like we all get a chance to start again. '

Chris looks up at him.

'You had one anyway.'

'I'm just, happy-'

'-Good-'

'-Really happy. Super happy. Sophie and Louis's kid is here. My family are okay. Dan and Phil are okay, everyone is starting to get better. You're here, and still alive. I've not been this happy since I got triggered. I love it. I can barely even feel the guilt, it's like it went away.'

Pj turns to look at Chris, his eyes are bright and shining His smile carries the weight of his relief. 

Chris sits up in bed, and kisses him.

'Good.' He concludes.

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Sophie's hair is wet.

She has the baby in her arms, rocking her back and forth. She'd started crying again, Sophie is feeding her. Louis is tying Sophie's hair back for her.

Lucy grabs onto Sophie's finger, and Sophie melts.

Sophie hasn't had the proper chance to look at her baby girl yet.

Lucy does look like Louis, Sophie can see the familiar facial features, the same eyes. She's a light pink. Her hands clasp tightly onto whatever comes near them, small hands, tiny hands, with tiny sharp pin prick finger nails. Her feet are tiny, and as soft as linen. She has the start of some hair, but it's just wisps of brown. Sophie could compare her to an angel, a fairy, a pixie, any story she was told growing up. She's all Sophie wants to protect. Lucy is theirs, and they'll never stop loving her.

The midwife had just wrapped her up yesterday. They're going to have to dress her in a moment.

Sophie and Jamie's mother have been making clothes for a newborn ever since they found out. As a result of the extra production, Pj got new clothes too. They ended up teaching Louis how to knit, as Sophie doesn't have the patience.

Lucy pulls away from Sophie, closing her eyes. Sophie pulls her shirt down, and doesn't feel wet hair on her shoulders. Louis kisses the top of her head.

'You're doing so well Sophie.'

Sophie snorts. She whispers back. 'It's been a _day_.'

'And she's still not dead.' Louis retorts.

Sophie giggles. Lucy opens her eyes, and frowns.

Sophie laughs.

'Oh my goodness she's our kid.'

Louis frowns back at his daughter.

'And I'd hope so too.'

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Should we put her into this?' Louis suggests. He holds up a small blue knitted top and short set.

'She'll look a picture. Do it.'

Sophie looks away from Louis for a few seconds to change clothes, when she turns back around. Louis has gotten the shorts onto her, he's tickling the newborns feet. Sophie grins, before moving herself over to put the shirt onto her kicking daughter.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Louis leaves the room, with his daughter in his arms. Sophie walks slowly behind him.

'Lou? Is that-'

Pj emerges. His eyes widen, and he grins.

Louis smiles back.

'If you sit down somewhere so I know you won't drop her, I'll introduce you.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Sophie passes her to Pj gently, supporting her the way she needs to be supported.

Pj grins down at her. Chris smiles fondly at him.

'Hello.'

'We're calling her Lucy.' Sophie tells him.

Pj tries to see if there's any energy he can give the baby. He's relieved to find there is none, she's perfectly healthy.

'She's adorable.' Pj coos.

'I'm waiting for him to say it.' Louis tells Sophie.

Sophie laughs.

'Say what?' Pj frowns.

Lucy's eyes open.

'She looks like you!'

'There we go.' Louis comments.

Sophie chuckles. She moves over to sit next to Pj.

Pj takes Sophie's hand absentmindedly. He finds energy sapping from him to her. Pj frowns at her.

'Are you okay?'

Sophie nods. 'Just normal childbirth stuff. I was double checked.'

Pj nods, and carries on letting the energy flow from him to her.

Sophie catches on.

'Peej, what are you doing?'

'Gift. You get to be okay.' Pj says to Sophie.

Lucy smiles up at Pj, and Pj smiles back.

'Aren't you the cutest?' Pj tells Lucy.

'I thought that was me.' Chris jokes.

Sophie grins at Chris.

'Come over and met her Chris.'

Chris freezes.

'But... But I'm just Peej's boyfriend. You've known Peej for ages-'

'-You're one of my best friends Chris, you've been here for most of mine and Louis's relationship, and when I was pregnant you'd get stuff off the top shelf for me, even though I didn't ask-'

'-Louis would have made a big deal out of it-'

'-I know. I'm telling you to get over here and meet my daughter please.'

Chris exchanges a look with Pj. Pj smiles at him.

Chris slowly, carefully, makes his way over. He sits on the other side of Pj.

He gets one look at Lucy, and melts. He looks at Louis, and compares them. She definitely looks more like him than Sophie. She wiggles in Pj's arms, Sophie holds her head. Lucy reaches out to Chris, and Chris puts his hand near hers. She takes it, and squeezes him.

'She likes you.' Pj tells him.

'She doesn't know I'm dangerous.' Chris whispers.

'You're not dangerous. Or anymore dangerous than me.' Pj responds.

'Or me on a bad day.' Sophie jokes.

Lucy holds his hand close.

Louis looks between Chris and Pj for a second. It's been a year, and Louis has changed so much. He forgets how hurt Pj and Chris are.

'It was a really shitty thing the old government did to you.' Louis tells them.

Chris chuckles. 'I know.'

'Chris...' Louis kneels down. He spots his daughter's exposed feet, and puts a hand over them. 'You were this small when they first did this to you. They'd already got both of you in their grasp, they were just waiting.'

Chris and Pj look at Lucy.

Pj feels sadness for what he's done, for everything that's happened to him, despite the good.

Chris feels anger for every injustice.

'Nobody is ever going to touch her, for as long as I live.' Chris threatens. 'She can be as abnormal as she likes. I will do anything. No innocent gets hurt under my watch.'

Louis's eyes widen at the conviction, but he doesn't know what he expected.

Pj stares at him with a creased brow, Chris can practically see his thought process, the internal questioning as to whether that was why Chris was kind to Pj in the first place.

'Thank you.' Louis tells him.

Lucy grasps Chris's other finger.

Pj and Chris smile at it.

'You're welcome.'

Sophie squints, Chris has turned into this quiet self. It's interesting to see him be gentle.

'Do you want to hold her?' Sophie asks.

Chris shakes his head quickly.

'I'd break her. She's so small...'

'We'll help you.' Louis defends.

'I've never held a baby before.'

Chris is still smiling at the child, the grip on him.

Pj and Sophie exchange a look. Sophie's less tired now, coming back into life. She can't help but feel happy, this child came from her. Her child is healthy, and beautiful, and hers.

'No time like now.' Sophie tells him.

'What?'

Pj slips a hand under Lucy's head to support her, and gently lifts her up against her chest. Pj can't remember the first time he held a baby. Lucy lets go of Chris's hand.

He passes her to Chris. Chris's eyes go wide with panic.

'Chris, you need to hold her the way I am. Okay?'

Chris panics, but brings himself back to his orders. He needs to support this baby. He feels out the space with his ability, and holds her.

'I've got that.'

Chris swallows, and softly puts his arms around her. Louis leans down to help him.

Against Chris's chest, Lucy closes her eyes.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Sophie and Louis find out that while Lucy isn't a fussy child, any baby is hard to take care of.

Sophie is better at rocking her to sleep, but Louis receives less of a fuss when changing her. Lucy smiles back at Chris when Chris smiles at her, but becomes entranced whenever Pj plays guitar to soothe her. Lucy regularly falls asleep in Jamie's arms, but fights to stay awake in any of her grandparent's.

Louis and Sophie are frequently exhausted from changing her, feeding her, bathing her, loving her. They get a lot of help, and both of them will always be grateful.

When Lucy reaches six months, Louis knows that one of his favourite sounds is her laughter.

She loves stories being told to her. Louis sometimes walks into Lucy's room and will find Sophie and her daughter enveloped in whatever story Sophie thought up. More often than not, Louis will join in.

On warm days, Lucy comes to the field with them. One adult, usually either her parents or Jamie, will stay with her whilst the others work. Lucy enjoys the sun, and water.

On cold days, one of her parents will stay at the house with her. They'll cook dinner for the other workers, and when they come home, Lucy goes the rounds for hugs.

Despite how scared Sophie was, Sophie has never been happier.

After a long work day, Louis and Sophie bathe Lucy, and them themselves. After putting their daughter to bed, they sit with Pj for a short while. Chris is having his own bath.

Sophie takes a short pause, and remembers one of her promises.

'How have you been Pj?'

Pj stares at her, raises an eyebrow, and laughs.

'Soph, you have a kid. You don't have to check on me.'

'She's asleep.' Louis contributes. 'You may as well.'

'Come on.' Sophie tempts.

Pj sighs.

'Happy, sometimes, I still get nightmares, and there are bad days and good days, but life is simpler now. Simplicity leads me to happiness, I'm not sure if that's the same for Chris, but it is for me.'

Sophie frowns. 'What is it for Chris?'

Pj answers promptly. 'When I first met Chris... He was carrying a lot. He carries less now... Don't tell him this, but I think having Phil move away helped with that. Although, I do miss Phil. Phil's a great fella.' Pj smiles. 'He's met his family, got out of that abnormal tower. He's free.'

'And that's good?' Louis asks.

Pj slowly nods.

'Abso-fucking-lutely. Chris deserves the happiness that was taken away from him, and I'll believe that forever.'  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Louis lays next to Sophie in bed again. Her skin is pressed against his. He's tired, completely worn out from living, and as happy as he'll ever be.

He takes Sophie's hand.

'You know what Peej said about simplicity...'

Sophie keeps her eyes closed.

'Yes Sweetheart?'

'Can we do that?'

Sophie frowns.

'What do you mean?'

'Marry me? However, this time, lets tell everyone. Officially marry me.'

Sophie chuckles to herself. She turns over, and buries her face in Louis's chest. He's not wearing a shirt. Lucy made a mess of the one he normally sleeps in.

'Sure. You'll have to make Lucy something cute to wear though, lots of detail, lots of colour.' Sophie instructs.

Louis tucks his chin over her head.

'I'll design it tomorrow.'

Sophie chuckles.

'I love you, and her, so much. I'm still amazed that she came from us.'

Louis smiles.

'I love the both of you to the moon and back-'

'-You better not be one of those over protective fathers by the way.' Sophie interrupts.

Louis rolls his eyes. 'I'll protect you when you need it, I'll put it in my vows if you want me to.'

Sophie snorts.

Lucy starts crying.

'I'll get that.' Louis tells her.

'Thank you, bring her in here if she's hungry.'

Louis gets out of bed.

'The day she's on solid food-'

'-Will be a blessing to us both. Go.'

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj wakes up in the middle of the night to find his bed vacant. He sits up, and looks around. His eyes settle on Chris on the middle of the floor, sitting with his legs crossed.

Pj frowns, and bites his lip.

'Do you know who I am?'

Pj hears Chris snort.

'I'm not having a reset Peej. Go back to sleep.'

Pj gets out of bed. He sits opposite Chris, taking his hands.

'What's wrong then?'

Chris leans forward, Pj rests their foreheads together.

'Tell me.' Pj orders.

Chris closes his eyes.

'Just panic. I thought for too long and scared myself.'

'That was super clever.'

'I know. Fuck my brain.' Chris tells him. Pj laughs.

They fall into silence.

'Do you remember-'

'-Usually-'

'-The day after you found out you had that mission? When we had a talk in my bathroom?'

Chris pauses.

'Yes?'

'That was when I started falling in love with you.' Pj tells him.

'Mine was before that.' Chris smiles. 'I don't know exactly when. Firstly, I was like _'woah, I might wanna tap that'_  and then it was _'I wanna tap that, but with feelings and shit'_ do you get me?' Chris says. 

Pj rolls his eyes.

'My point was, I love you. Why are you panicking?'

Chris squeezes Pj's hands.

'I just am Love. It'll pass.'

'I'm not happy when you're not happy.'

Pj lets go of Chris's hands. He reaches out for Chris, puts his hands around his body, and pulls him to him. Pj rests his head in the crook of Chris's neck.

'That's a stupid attitude to have, you'll spend your whole life being miserable.' Chris chuckles. 'And I know what it's like to have a stupid attitude.I should have fought to preserve myself as well as everyone, not taken myself down to save you. Besides, I'm happy.' Chris whispers. 'I just had a nightmare, normal stuff you know? It just got me thinking about shit that I'd tried to... What was it you said? Let go?'

Pj nods, Chris feels it. Chris runs a hand through Pj's hair.

'Are you letting it go?' Pj asks.

'I suppose. I don't think about it as often when I'm here. It'll be freaky thoughts that crawl into my head and poison me; I'll look at the road that we traveled on and remember, and that'll set me off. But, when I'm busy, and distracted, and not thinking, I'm okay. It's not always there anymore. I don't get headaches anymore. I can sleep now, even if I use my ability less-'

'-Do you reckon the reason you couldn't sleep was because you overusing your ability?'

Chris frowns.

'-Phil has to use his all the time, and his stuff's gotten a bit better. I don't know. Not knowing makes me happier, ignorance is bliss.'

'Ignorance leads to mistakes.' Pj points out.

'There are different kinds of ignorance.' Chris argues back. 'The ignorance I'm going to delve into is stupidity, not hate.'

'You're not stupid.'

'I'm a bit stupid.'

Pj laughs.

'But are you letting go?' Pj asks.

'I'm in the process. I'm on my way. Are you getting rid of that guilt you've built up?'

Pj smiles against Chris's skin.

'I can make up for it. Everything I've done wrong. I can fix it. I'm so-I'm working on it. I've chipped away at it a bit-' Pj starts to whisper. '-I feel it less now, but sometimes it's inescapable, and I see it all again. I feel shrapnel in my back, and Zoe removing it. I remember you not turning up and the hole I felt being ripped out. I remember thinking you were dead, again. All of the guilt comes back at points. But after a long day with people I love, it gets smaller. I think I found my faith again. It's manageable.'

'That's all it needs to be.' Chris rests his head on top of Pj's. 'I'm so sorry for everything that I did to you. For everything. I'm sorry I left you that day on the frontline. I'm sorry.'

Chris could cry, but he chokes back his tears.

'Don't be sorry. What's done is done. We both need to remember that to stay alive.'

'And we're both staying alive.' Chris orders. 'Not just for ourselves, but for each other, and for our friends.'

Pj nods slightly. He agrees.

They sit in silence, and absorb it. Chris feels cleaner, less panicked, his bones relax.

'So I have one last question.' Pj says.

Chris bites his lip. 'Yeah?'

'Are you okay?'

Chris smiles.

'Yeah. You?'

Pj blinks slowly.

'Yeah.'

Chris taps Pj's cheek. Pj sits up, and Chris kisses him.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Sophie and Louis's wedding is planned for six months time.

'Chris, could you do me a favour?' Sophie asks.

'Anything.'

She smiles.

'Can you invite Dan and Phil? They haven't met Lucy, I want them to be there.'

Chris frowns. 'You barely known them.'

'I know Dan very well-' Sophie smiles. '-I also know Phil, and we've kept in touch through you. I want them there.'

Chris stops frowning.

'I'll do it in my next letter.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

**_To Chris_ **

**_Of course I want to come to their wedding! Give them both my congratulations! How's Lucy? You never mentioned if she still looks more like Louis than Sophie. I'm glad that the two of them are clearly doing well, they seem to be two of those people that just click like ultra well._ **

**_Give Pj my love as well. How is he? I haven't checked on him in a little while. Also, how's Jamie?_ **

**_Dan's really flourishing (flourishing?) at the moment. He's happy with everything, and that's nice to see with Dan. He's gotten to be happier with himself, and it's really shown. He's different, and he embraces it. Happiness is a gift that comes from being accepted, and knowing yourself. I suppose it's similar to freedom in that way._ **

**_The different can be free, if they're unrestricted and happy._ **

**_I'm getting philosophical. Get it? Phil-osophical? Eh?_ **

**_Sorry. I've probably made that joke before_ **

**_How are you anyway? I miss you Chris. Is your sister okay? You haven't mentioned her in a while. Is she still scarily similar to you? Me and my brother are quite different, though little Phil is similar to me, skittish and odd. I'm so glad you found your family. I never thought either of us could ever make it here._ **

**_Now, our mission is to keep it. Could be the hardest yet?_ **

**_Love Phil x_ **

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

_**To Philly** _

_**Glad you want to come Buddy, Sophie will be happy about that (anything to please Sophie, when Sophie's happy, the baby and her fiancee is too.) I'll give them their congratulations when it gets brought up next so I have to!!!! (I'm joking, I'll do it today). They are both very clicky people. It surprised me that they haven't been together longer really. But they have a very cute baby now, who still is a spitting image of her dad! Jamie is a very proud uncle and extremely well, he's seeing a girl from the village at the moment, we're rooting for him!** _

_**I give Pj love frequently, don't worry about it (I'll tell him tonight). Flourishing is an odd one to use, but I understand you, I know you too well you fucking oblong. I'm glad Dan is happy, Pj's been better too recently; he's learning how to deal with his guilt.** _

_**That was a very poetic thought Phil. I guess freedom does come from being accepted, and happy, and happiness is the vice-versa. I think both of those are a core part of feeling at home too. Home to me, is the group of freaks I love. But I only felt home when I was free, as well as loved.** _

_**Home is the best feeling in the nation.** _

_**Also, if you use that philosophy pun again, I will use my training, come to the lakes, and cut you.** _

_**I did laugh though.** _

_**My family are fine. I think I know them well now. Dad's a bit shy, Mum's friendly and tries, but she's starting to lose her marbles. Emily is Emily, and me and Emily are very similar. I'd fear for the world if Emily was abnormal, there'd be another five sets of wars.** _

_**I'm okay. Like I said, I have a home now, and that's all I've ever dreamed about. I have a family, not just biological either. I've got you, Pj, Sophie, Jamie, Louis, probably Lucy even though she can't say my name. I've got everyone. That's good enough for me. If my guilt stays away, if I don't hurt anyone else, if everyone is happy and I'm not too annoying, then I'm happy.** _

_**This could be our hardest mission yet, but I love a challenge.** _

_**How's being a stay at home dad?** _

_**Love Chris x** _

_**PS. Did Dan actually write his name onto the envelope of this? I thought this could actually be a letter from him for a moment. I thought I was going to have to fucking decipher that handwriting like it's a fucking lost scroll from the old nation** **. Love ya!!!!! x** _

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

'Louis-'

'-Yeah Peej-'

'-What are you doing?'

Louis carries his daughter gently to the center of the room. He pulls her closer to his chest as he lowers down to the ground. He crosses his legs, and sits Lucy in front of him, supporting her.

'I'm letting Lucy pick my best man.'

Lucy nearly falls forward, Louis supports her using the whole of his hands. The hair she's beginning to grow is already curly, Louis hopes it turns out to be like her mother's.

'Hey, how's that going to work?' Chris asks. 'She's not even one yet. She can't walk, and Phil is the mind reader.'

Pj snorts. 'I wonder what her thoughts would be like.'

'I can't imagine a lot of variety.' Jamie answers.

Louis glares at him. He talks to his daughter.

'Uncle Jamie just insulted you.'

Lucy looks back at Louis, and squints.

'Frowny baby.' Chris comments.

Louis gasps and turns to Lucy.

'Uncle Chris just insulted you too-'

'-You really don't have to call me Uncle Chris-'

'-Uncle Chris doesn't even want to be your uncle.' Louis tells Lucy. Lucy stops frowning, and smiles. Her mouth is wet from dribbling, Louis wipes it with his sleeve.

'How's she going to pick your best man?' Jamie inquires. 'She's adorable, but not exactly capable.'

'No, but you know what she can do.' Louis responds. 'She can make grabby hands. I can't be bothered to decide between all of you, I love you all equally-'

'-You've literally known me for less than two years-'

'-And I have come to admire your sense of humour, you dedication, and your wit and knowledge. Don't test me Chris.'

Chris puts his hands up in surrender.

'You can't claim to love me as much as you love Peej and Jamie.'

Louis shrugs.

'Let Lucy be the judge of that.'

Chris snorts. 'You're a nutter.'

Louis winks at him.

'Who's Sophie having as her maid of honour?' Pj asks.

Chris frowns again. 'Marriage is so weird. I knew it happened, I saw one in a church of the other nation once. But I didn't know about all the little bits.'

Pj turns around, and smiles at Chris. He takes his hand.

'It is a bit weird. You missed out on a lot of little bits.' Pj comments. 

Chris smiles back.

'Stupid government.'

Pj's breath hitches, but he covers it. Pj grins, Chris didn't blame his head.

'Ridiculous government.' Pj comments.

Pj hears a gasp, then Louis's laughter.

When Pj turns around, he sees Lucy making grabby hands at Jamie.

Louis picks her up, and gives her to Jamie. Jamie lets her sit on his lap.

'I don't blame you Lucy.' Louis comments. 'Chris and Pj are disgusting, nobody wants that.'

'Hey-'

'-Tell me I'm wrong.'

The gathering falls into gentle bickering. Lucy falls asleep on Jamie's lap, Chris uses her ability to keep her safe.

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

He hears his name half way through his work. He places that voice in seconds, he drops everything.

'Phil!'

Chris runs to him, Phil grins at him.

A hug, that has been extremely missed.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Sophie wedding dress is best described as elegant, it flows around her as she walks, and holds her in the right places. It's white, as is the pre-war tradition goes.

She is told she looks beautiful. Many people comment that she looks especially beautiful for a woman who had a baby less than a year ago, she elects to ignore them.

Lucy is given to Sophie's mother to take care of.

Most people get butterflies on their wedding day, but Sophie is calm. She's had Louis's child, and she's known him forever.

Some things, as it turns out, are meant to be.

The church is small, and resides in the village. Sophie gets ready in Ingrid's home. Hannah becomes one of Sophie's bridesmaids by default, she wanted Ingrid, she got Hannah too.

The time comes, and Sophie's waiting to walk in.

The moment Sophie guesses is timeless.

The doors open.

He's there.

Louis smiles.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Sophie is completely delighted to find that through most of the day, Louis doesn't shut up. He's the one to answer most of the congratulations, he's confident in talking to other people.

He's loud.

Sophie holds his hands, and waits for him to speak. She talks, and throughout her talking, Louis watches her with all of the love in the world in his eyes.

When Pj watches them, he understands them.

'They're trust.' Pj says.

Chris lowers his eyebrows at him.

'Sorry?'

Pj looks at his lover. 'Sophie and Louis, they work so well because of the trust they have.'

Chris smiles at him.

'Trust is pretty key. I think they're trust, respect, understanding-' Chris bites his lip. 'How did they not get together years ago?'

Pj shrugs. 'Taboo. I left, and it kinda shattered things,'

Chris smiles.

'Light in the darkness?'

Pj kisses his forehead.

'A bright one.'

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris had cheered loudly after Pj had played the first chord of guitar. Phil slapped him.

Pj had laughed, shaken his head, and started playing.

And now they're dancing.

Sophie's close to Louis again. She's looking into his eyes, and Louis is smiling at her softly.

'You know, I still need you.' Sophie tells him. He raises an eyebrow at her. 'Like I said when we first got together, you asked me what I needed, I said you.'

He twirls her.

'I'm pretty sure that wasn't the exact wording, but I'll take the sentiment.'

Sophie chuckles. 'We have a kid now.'

'And we denied how we felt because we were scared.' Louis comments, mocking his past self.

Sophie rests her hand on his chest. She closes her eyes.

'That's the lesson I learnt...'

A smile.

'Don't be scared of what you want, if you are, be prepared to lose it?'

'No. If you're scared, that's okay, just be prepared to fight through fear to happiness.'

Louis kisses the top of her head.

'I'm happy with you.'

'I'm glad.'

'Our daughter is beautiful, and it's because of you.'

Sophie snorts. 'She looks like you, she has your attitude-'

'-And your spirit.'

Sophie rolls her eyes.

'I love you too. If you ever go quiet again, I'll kick your butt.'

'I'll be as loud as I have to be. To keep you quiet-'

'Voice your opinion, instead of just staying totally quiet. You matter too. Everyone matters.'

Louis laughs.

'Pep talk on my wedding day?'

Sophie smiles up at him. The song must be over soon, but they're still dancing. There's other people dancing with them now. Jamie and Dan have Lucy.

'I never want you to be quieter than you have been today. Don't keep your voice down because you think other people are better than you, ever.'

'That's what you want me to take away from my wedding day?' Louis demands.

Sophie nods with conviction.

The song is about to end. Their song, their daughter's song, 'Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds'.

Louis pulls her chin up and kisses her as the song ends.

There's a clap from everyone there, Pj blushes, he can't even have imagined being happy enough to play when he first got his guitar back, look at him now.

When Louis breaks away, Sophie keeps her eyes shut for a moment.

'I truly love you.' Louis tells her, again. 'Your wedding day? And you're not thinking about you.'

'I'm being selfish.' Sophie admits.

'How?' Louis laughs.

'Because oddly enough, I love my husband, and I want him to be happy too.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Phil watches Sophie and Louis dance in candlelight, her hand on his chest, his smile irreversible.

It's a simple thing that Phil never thought he'd witness, a wedding. There wasn't such thing back in the abnormal tower, he guesses love wasn't supposed to be either.

Chris sits opposite to Phil. Phil looks over at him, and for the first time, he doesn't see Chris, abnormal extraordinaire, he sees a different man. Chris is staring at Pj, which isn't exactly new, but there's a new manner to him, a lack of anger, maybe some peace.

Phil smiles.

'I miss you.' Phil tells him.

Chris turns to him with wide eyes.

'I miss you-'

'-No, you don't. It's good you don't. You're happy here.'

Chris frowns.

'Phil, you're forever going to be someone I want in my life. I'm never not going to miss you...'

Chris sees his sister in the corner of the room, chatting up a tall blonde, probably blued eyed, man. Chris laughs, and shakes his head. He's completely into her. His stance turned wide, he looks directly at her. 

Phil rolls his eyes. 

'You have Pj, your family, your new friends... It's okay to not miss me.'

Chris's mouth falls open, his brow creases.

'You're allowed to miss the past. I do You just have to accept the new shit which you have, otherwise you're going to be fucking miserable forever.'

Phil grimaces back.

'I'm not sure I miss the past. But I miss you.'

Chris ends up smiling, he chuckles, and takes Phil's hand.

'I was a part of the past, but I choose to make you a part of my present, and you choose to make me a part of yours. Do you know why?'

Phil reads his mind, colours flowing everywhere, matching the candles.

'Why?' He asks anyway.

Chris rolls his eyes.

'Because you hold onto what makes you happy, that's what gives you safety and strength and more. Happiness is what all of us freaks should aim for.' Chris squeezes Phil's hand. 'You're one of the people that has always made me happy.'

Phil stares at him, mind racing with awe.

'Sometimes, you sound like a different you.' Phil slowly smiles. 'It's good, you make me happy too.'

Chris chuckles.

'Swish.'

Phil giggles.

'I'm not the only one that misses you.'

Chris frowns. 'Huh?'

'Zoe, Joe, Tyler, Louise definitely, Caspar. Everyone there misses you.' Phil slowly tells him. 'So I just want to ask this, when me and Dan go back to the lakes, probably by cart, still don't trust the sector shuffles-'

'-Rightfully-'

'-Come with me.'

Chris raises his eyebrow.

'Phil, I-'

'-Bring Pj. You don't have to stay. Just come visit the lakes. Two weeks?' Phil squeezes Chris's hand. 'Please.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj laughs as he passes Lucy to Sophie. Sophie immediately starts talking away to her, complimenting her. Louis puts one arm around Sophie's back, and the other he uses to support Lucy.

Pj leaves them be. It's their wedding day and Sophie's parents are going to take care of Lucy for the rest of the night and most likely tomorrow, they'll want to see their daughter.

Pj spots Chris in the corner, he'd been talking to Phil, and then Jamie. Phil went back to bakery with Hannah, Ingrid, and Dan. Jamie is talking to his parents.

He walks to him.

Chris's warm and easy smile comes out.

'Hey Handsome.'

Pj rolls his eyes.

'Shut up.'

Chris shakes his head.

'Never.'

Pj takes a seat opposite Chris. He nudges the side of Chris's foot with his own. Chris is wearing his own clothes for once, they'd been given to them by his parents. Pj had wondered if Chris might miss the commodities of the abnormal tower, but Chris was willing to let them go, he'd had worse conditions on the front line and on missions.

Pj holds Chris's hands, like he does everyday of his life.

'Sorry I haven't seen much of you today.' Pj apologizes

'It's alright, it's been a busy day-'

'-A super busy day-'

'-The busiest day of my life, including the war and shit.' Chris jokes.

Pj laughs. 'I love you.'

Chris smiles. 'Has seeing Sophie and Lou made you sentimental?'

'I'm always sentimental.' Pj shrugs. 'I super do love you.'

Chris smirks. 'So you won't mind that Phil asked us both to go to the lakes for a couple of weeks?'

Pj's eyes widen. He frowns, and nods.

'Sounds good. I'll have to find a way to get my mum to not freak out about me leaving again, she'll be fine when she remembers that you could literally hurt anyone that tried to hurt us.'

Chris chuckles. 'You could help.'

'We're a good team. I'm stronger with you anyway, so I could probably help.' Pj comments.

'I'm stronger with you too.' Chris replies. 'But you don't need to hear that rant.'

Pj nudges him with his foot again.

'Tell me.'

Chris rolls his eyes.

'I'm stronger with you, and when I feel strong, I feel less scared. You make me less scared, and you did from the beginning, you oblong.'

Pj raises an eyebrow. 'I thought you thought strength came from your own self?'

Chris shrugs.

'I have the right to change my mind.' He coughs. 'I think it's easier to be stronger with other people, and that the strength you get from other people is good because other people can give it back to you. It's hardest to be strong by yourself, so it doesn't happen to many people. Being strong isn't as... essential as I think I made it sound.'

'Go on.' Pj squeezes his hand. Chris swallows.

'Be as weak as you need to be, as long as you can come back from it and come back kicking.' Chris makes eye contact with Pj. 'We're all allowed to do that. But strong or weak, I think I know that neither of them matter if you're kind of free... I put so much thought into my own strength because I didn't have anything else.'

'So, do you have something now?'

Chris slowly blinks in candlelight and the warm glow of the room.

The light reflects beautifully on the curves of his lover's face.

'I have everything now. I have you, and you lead me to the home I needed to help myself in.'

Pj grins, Chris's heart skips a beat.

'So have you helped yourself?'

Chris nods once.

'To the best of my ability, yeah. But you've helped me, and so have the others. Phil's like kinda alright too. I think time is what we both need, so I'm looking forward to spending more time with you.' Chris giggles to himself. 'I'm not marrying you though, I'm supposed to be dead.'

'I could marry a corpse.' Pj jokes.

'Bit weird.'

'You're weirder.'

They exchange a smile.

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Phil and Dan return to the lakes a week later. They've been accompanied by Pj and Chris.

Pj's mother is reluctant to see him go, but she knows he'll return to her, he has before.

The journey is long, but only lasts a day without pause. Pj reckons that Zoe's house must be at the edge of the lakes, the same way his farm is at the top edge of the mountains. It must be about triple the distance of the ration center.

'We're back.' Phil says to Dan.

There's nobody around. Chris becomes uneasy.

Phil pushes past them into Zoe's house.

Pj grins as he hears Zoe's voice.

'Hello?'

'It's Phil and Dan.' Dan shouts back.

He hears a happy cry, and the sound of running.

Louise appears at the end of the hallway. Chris grins at the sight of her, her hair is tied up, she looks healthier, she's wearing dungarees, the knees are covered in dirt.

She gasps.

'Chris?'

Pj turns to look at her.

'I'm here too.' Pj adds.

Zoe appears at the top of the stairs. Her mouth falls open, she slams a hand over it.

'Pj?

Pj shrugs. 'The one and only?'

She runs down the stairs and into Pj's arms. He stumbles back, but returns it.

Simultaneously, Louise pulls herself together. She runs to Chris and hugs him, pulling Phil into it seconds later.

Dan stands there and huffs. Zoe pulls away from Pj to hug Dan quickly before returning.

'The last time I properly talked to you, I was removing stuff from your skin.' Zoe tells Pj. 

Pj snorts. 'That's true. How's life been the last couple of years?'

Zoe laughs. 'Strange.'

Pj nods. 'I can so agree with that.'

He hugs Zoe again, and she closes her eyes over her shoulder.

Louise kisses Chris on the cheek, there are tears on her cheeks, tears in Chris's eyes.

'I thought you were dead!'

Chris snorts. 'That was ages ago, but I'm-'

'-Sorry doesn't cover it!'

She pulls him back in for a tight constricting hug.

'Don't ever do it again.' Louise demands.

Chris squeezes her back.

'I won't. I'm safe now.'

When Louise hears his voice, she knows he's telling the truth.

It's sob worthy.

More noise from upstairs.

'Is Phil back?'

Chris smiles at Tyler's voice. He reaches the top of the stairs, freezes, gasps, and pegs down them.

'Chris!'

Chris feels the air being knocked out of him.

'You were dead meat! We all thought you were dead meat!'

Chris smiles against Tyler's shoulder.

'I'm alive-'

'-I know!'

Tyler pulls away.

Chris grins at him.

'Miss me?'

Tyler bites on his lip.

'Yes.'

Chris hears more footsteps behind him and the group.

Tyler hugs Dan.

Chris turns around.

'I didn't miss you.' Troye jokes.

Chris winks at him.

'Heya Troye.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Those two weeks are some of the strangest of Chris's life.

His fellow abnormals are around him, their abilities used freely everywhere. Dan cooks using his, Zoe gardens with hers, Troye heats the water with his. Pj finds himself helping all three of them.

'Emma should be here.'

The other three agree with Dan on that.

'We'll write again.' Zoe comforts him. 'She's settled down, with Luke actually. They're happy. They help each other. That's all they needed, companions and a lack of cage.'

Tyler feels less manic in this house than in the tower. Chris can see it, his laugh is more genuine, his movements carry less paranoia to them.

Zoe shakes when she doesn't think anybody is looking. But Chris can judge the real from the lie, and her smile is real.

Troye sings, Chris never knew he could.

Joe and Caspar are even closer than they used to be. Chris can see their ease.

Dan seems to know his place here. His acceptance among peers makes him feel more controlled. Less nightmares, less panic, less sadness.

Freedom has worked well for them.

Freedom seems to be essential for healing.

Chris thinks that is healing.

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chris isn't sure how he feels about this.

Phil has met his family, he guesses this is only fair.

'Come on!'

'I'm coming. I'm coming.' Chris replies, speeding up his walk.

Phil manages to stay ahead of him for the entire journey.

Chris suddenly is introduced to the home Phil was born into.

It's a large cottage, a small path built of assorted rocks leads up to it. It's isolated, Phil is safe here, for now.

Chris has barely seen any civilians in the sectors he's visited. Phil looks at him.

'This is a less populated area.' Phil tells him. 

Chris chuckles.

'Reading my mind?'

Phil bows his head.

'If I'm allowed.'

Chris nods.

'Of course...'

Chris looks back to the empty looking cottage, he sees the rolling hills of green behind them. He's yet to see any blue pools, that's happening tomorrow.

There's so much space everywhere. In the lakes, in the mountains, there's so little compression.

'How far away was the doctor?'

Chris's mind has traveled to thoughts of distance. How far did Phil's parents have to walk to get Phil to a hospital when he was a child? How far did they walk him just to lose him?

'As close as the school they were going to send me to.' Phil answers. He points to his left. 'There's a hospital, ration center, and school a few miles off. They barely even touched my old room since.'

Phil's smile melts. He sees the colour flash of Chris's aura, reads his mind. Sympathy, children, innocence, blood.

Phil shakes his head, Chris should know better.

'You can't take the kid out the fight...' Phil starts.

Chris grimaces.

'They shouldn't have taken the fight out of us.' Chris argues.

Phil rolls his eyes.

'It's a silly song quote, not the real world.' Phil defends.

Chris stares at him, and swallows.

'Wouldn't they have said that the silly song quotes showed the real world?'

Phil meets his gaze.

'Maybe. But it's not relevant to us anymore. We got our fight back anyway.'

Chris snorts.

'They never took it away, they just redirected it. That's why it's so horrific.' Chris's voice cracks on the last word.

Phil sees everything Chris has seen, he tastes bile in the back of his throat.

'It's time to forget that.' Phil whispers. 'Remember? We're free now.'

Chris exhales loudly. His mind still racing.

'Freedom isn't forgetting, or pretending it didn't happen. It's accepting it, and letting go. It's not time to-'

'-Forget. It's time to let it go. ' Phil repeats.

Chris shrugs at him, and smiles. He still feels dread in his stomach, and Phil feels it too.

Phil elects to ignore it.

'Time to meet my family?'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Phil's parents are nice.

Chris has known them for less than an hour, and he's gathered that. Chris has read every aspect he can find of their physicality, and made judgement. Their smiles are even, nods encouraging, eyes attentive.

This kindness even extends to Chris. Chris finds no fear in their eyes when he talks, there's no reaction when he moves.

'Do you even care that I'm dangerous?' Chris asks, it comes out as a whisper. He's not used to no fear at all, he's built to expect resistance. The only person not to be scared of him at the beginning was... Pj.

They look at Phil.

'Our son said you aren't-'

'-But the government-'

'-We don't listen to the government.' Phil's mother states with all of her conviction.

'They took our son away.' His father adds. He leans forward as he speaks, Chris straightens himself up. 'We disliked them just as much as you did.'

Chris and Phil exchange a look.

They both know that isn't true. Chris's hatred powered him through everything, it powered him into proving the old government wrong, into fighting, becoming a teacher. Chris's hatred is why he's still alive.

Phil puts his hand on Chris's back.

'Chris helped me get back to you.' Phil tells them. 

Phil's mother smiles at Chris, again.

'I'll always be grateful.' She tells him, she swallows. 'I know...I know how old you were when you got taken. I know how old my Philly was.' She sighs. 'Thank you for helping.'

Chris stares at her, and holds back a laugh.

Phil reads his mind, and laughs at the conscious fully formed sentence there among the pictures and colours.

_You're thanking me for being selfish?_

Phil digs deeper and finds his reasoning. Phil always knew what Chris thought of him, he understands the rush of affection Chris gets when he sees him. Phil knows that when Chris first met Phil, he was doing it out of a child's need for another child. A friend.

Chris looks at Phil.

Chris widens his eyes. His mind racing with possibilities.

Chris is about to open his mouth, when Phil speaks for him.

'He helped much more than you can believe. He kept me alive, and mostly sane.' Phil jokes. He looks at Chris again, Chris laughs at him. 'He helped free me, when I never thought I could be.'

Chris immediately knows, that without Phil, he'd be nowhere either.

Phil was the home he needed growing up. A sanctuary, a friend, an ally, a pillar, a foundation, a pill. Now, he's got a family for that. He's got Pj to help him, Pj's friends and their child to keep safe. Hannah and Ingrid, and the other abnormals, are his support.

Phil gave him the ability to make a home. Home is what Chris needed, home is what Chris got.

Phil can see in that second, that Chris doesn't ever think he could thank Phil enough.

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pj's not sleeping right. Again.

Chris holds him close to him, the day of seeing Phil's new family has made Chris appreciate his own just that bit more.

'What's wrong? 'Chris asks him again, his fingers are drawing patterns onto Pj's skin. 'Tell me.'

Pj closes his eyes, and turns his face into his pillow.

'It's so quiet.' Pj states.

Chris chuckles.

'It's this quiet in the mountains.'

Pj opens one eye and looks back at him.

'There's different kinds of quiet.'

Chris laughs again.

'Is this awkward silence?'

Pj shrugs. '...Do you want to go back to the mountains?' Pj inquires. Chris can hear the uncertainty in it.

Chris's mouth falls open.

Pj thinks he wants to leave him.

'Of course I want to go home.' Chris answers. 'Of course.'

Pj smiles. 'I was a bit worried...'

Chris wonders if Pj's guilt is seeping back in. Guilt leads to paranoia, paranoia is a symptom of something else, and something else can be caused by anything and everything.

'I love you.' Chris tells him. 'Home is home with you. I've never had a real home or family before, you're one of the reasons I do. You know that. You're one of the reasons I'm happy.'

Pj closes his eyes again, and nods.

'I love you too.'

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The lakes truly are beautiful.

The mountains are this rare shade of green. There's life everywhere, even when you're not looking for it. Chris has seen those flowers that Pj mentioned on their first day together now, and they are beautiful. The hills that peak up behind Pj's farm, and hide the scars of the frontline, are sprinkled with snow all year round. The sun constantly glows.

The lakes both contrast and compliment the mountains. They're close together, so they carry similarities. The climate is nearly identical, the weather patterns aren't anything foreign to Chris. The quiet is. Chris can see what Pj was talking about, the lakes carry life that is subtle. Where the mountains would have age old trees and blossoms, the lakes have ripples in still bodies of water.

Anything is beautiful to Chris, that isn't mundane grey buildings and blood.

He's walking next to Louise, their steps matching.

'You amaze me.' Louise tells him.

Chris's thought is disrupted.

He raises his eyebrows at her.

'How so?'

She smiles at him.

'Do you remember when you nearly died?'

Chris snorts. 'Which time?'

She laughs. 'Our mission?'

Chris carries on smiling. 'The one in which, we didn't lose everyone-'

'-They just got taken. I've heard from Evan. He's with Dodie in the farmland, you know, by the city?'

Chris nods.

'Are they okay?'

'Yes. And Hazel is with jack and Dean. They're all doing okay, even if they're not sure if Jack's going to get back to walking. They're doing well. But back to my point...'

They stop walking. She turns, and sits in a patch of grass. Chris frowns, and then joins her. They were on their walk back, but the guesses she needs to say this.

'What was your point Louise?'

Louise smiles at him, and shrugs.

'I think I've said this before, but I'm going to say it again because I have no self control, that time that we nearly died, you had two big regrets.' She stares out at the sight in front of them, a small body of water, with birds resting upon it.

'Yes...' Chris says.

'They were leaving a love unloved, and Phil behind.'

Chris nods. 'Yes...'

She looks back at him.

'Can you think of anything worse than regret? It haunts you, doesn't it? When you have it? It causes guilt, and sadness, and shitty things... I'm proud of anybody that beats their barriers and means they don't regret stuff anymore.'

'I regret plenty.'

'But you don't let it haunt you. You moved on. That's the key bit, moving on from the regret. Otherwise, you end up sad. '

'I'm not sad.'

'Exactly. So you amaze me.' She rests her head on his shoulder. 'You worked so hard not to be sad anymore, you so rarely are. I can see it all over you. I regard you as a close friend, so I'm proud of you. You're in love, you've not hurt him or yourself, at least not on purpose or anymore. You have Phil still, but you know he can handle himself. You picked happiness, you took the long road to it, so it's stable. I'm proud of you.'

Chris grins, and he looks down at her blonde hair.

A seconds silence. He hears nothing threatening in his background.

'Thanks Louise.' He rests his head on top of hers. 'I couldn't have found it all without you.'

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

They decide that Chris and Pj will be returning to the mountains in a few days.

Connor thanks him, for keeping him and Troye alive. Chris points out that Troye more than repaid the favour. Without Troye, Chris would be dead.

Connor smiles.

'Still. Thank you.'

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

  
Caspar and Joe sit Chris down and told him that if he ever needs anything, that they're there for him. Chris tells them that they don't have to.

Caspar nods quickly at him.

'Anything for a friend, and you're a friend, so that's cool.'

'We're returning the favour mate.' Joe pitches in. 'You've done a lot of good. We want to pay it back, if we can.'

Chris begrudgingly accepts.

He sees them holding hands.

'Are you two officially a couple now?' Chris asks.

He's known about their 'friends with benefits' agreement since the beginning. It was obviously more than that, obviously. Feelings have to be ignored sometimes, for the greater good.

Caspar and Joe exchange a look.

Joe nods back at Chris.

'I love him.' Joe tells him. Joe looks back at Caspar. 'And he loves me. Have done all along.'

Caspar smiles. 'Don't be afraid of love, it's a pretty good thing.'

Chris smiles, when you're free, you shouldn't ignore yourself.

'Congrats.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Tyler finds a way of cornering Chris.

He sees Tyler's clenched hand, a nervous tick. His other hand pats down his hair. It's all Chris needs.

'What's wrong?' Chris asks.

Tyler frowns at him.

'Don't read me you son of a-'

'-What's wrong?' Chris repeats.

Tyler stares at him, and then swallows.

'Thank you. For everything you've ever done for me. Thank you for being the reason we all got pardoned. Thank you for your sacrifice. Thank you for managing to be happy-' Tyler smiles. '-I want to do that someday.'

Chris's eyebrow lowers.

'You were never supposed to thank me for any of that, you were just supposed to take it.'

'I won't take it.' Tyler scratches at the back of his neck. 'I won't just be the annoying one. I won't fall into old destructive patterns.' Tyler shrugs. 'New sector, new me.'

Chris rolls his eyes.

'You don't ever have to apologize or thank someone for something they volunteered for.' Chris states.

'I suppose that applies to heartbreak too.'

Chris stares at him.

'What do you mean?'

'I think we all broke our hearts in some way. Didn't we? And none of us had to get so invested in ourselves that we did that. Would you say your heart broke?' Tyler asks.

Chris smiles. 'I think it never healed, until recently.' Chris reaches out, and hugs his friend for a few seconds. 'And caring isn't ever your fault.'

Chris pulls away.

Tyler exhales a shaky breath.

'What would you do if you were me Chris?'

Chris blinks at him slowly, a smile grows on his face.

'Find family. Whether it's the people that birthed you, or the people you found. Family heals you. Family leads to home, and home leads to love. Love is one of the most important things in the world, not romance and power. Love.'

Tyler stares at him, and he laughs.

'When did you get so clever?'

Chris grins.

'I've been told my cognitive function is above average due to my ability.'

'Oh, _shut up_.' 

Tyler and Chris laugh together again.

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

  
Zoe looks over at the back of Pj's neck, she can see those white lines of scar tissue. The scars that should have killed her.

'Pj?'

Pj turns to her with wide eyes.

'Yeah?'

'Thank you. For the frontline, for saving me.'

He frowns at her.

'Sorry, what?'

She laughs.

'The shrapnel.'

Pj recollects, but continues to frown.

'Huh. With everything else, I forgot that happened.'

Zoe chuckles, and Pj finds himself laughing too.

'Thank you anyway, Pj Liguori, my friend and ally.'

He bows his head at her.

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

  
Troye finds Phil and Chris sitting in the garden. They're laughing together in the sunlight.

Troye pauses before walking to them.

'Hey.'

Chris waves one hand. 'Hello.'

Phil stares at Troye's blue aura, it has pink patches festering in.

'Are you okay?' Phil asks.

He can't quite get a read on that, and he doesn't want to dig into Troye's mind. Phil's reluctant to use that aspect of his ability at all. He's happy with the slight mental stability he's found. He's not got any pills to take to stabilize him for him.

'I'm okay.' Troye smiles. 'Better than okay.'

Chris still thinks he looks too thin.

Troye sits down with them. Chris flicks between looking at his two friends.

'How are your family?' Chris asks.

Troye chuckles at him.

'Pretty happy. They held each other together when I went. They're okay.'

Chris counts Troye as a victory.

'Good.' Phil replies. 'How are you?'

Troye rolls his eyes.

'Getting there. Life takes it's time, but I found Connor.' Troye shrugs. 'Love is worth the risk.'

Chris nods along. He's learnt that same lesson.

'Thank you.'

Troye stares at him.

'For thinking to even save us.' Chris tells him.

Troye's eyebrows lower.

'You would have done the same for me.'

Chris frowns back.

Pj said something like that to him once. He'd answered no.

But looking at Troye now, he knows he would have. He would have saved Troye had their places been reversed. You're higher than the way you view yourself. 

'Thank you.' Phil jumps in.

Troye turns to look at Phil, and then at Chris.

'You're welcome. Don't waste it.'

Chris recalls every risk he's taken since the day he was told he was going to be a mentor. Falling for Pj, being with Pj. Learning to love the others, putting his life on the line. Nearly dying three times.

All of them are alive, they're with people they care about, and are sane.

Chris more than did his job. He risked everything, like he never had before, and he got everything he could have ever wanted.

Risk leads to love, and risk is an essential part of being alive. Life without risk is survival.

That's what Chris was missing.

A long pause.

'I won't.' Chris whispers.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

It's midnight, and when the sun comes up, Chris and Pj are returning to the mountains.

Dan sits partly in the roaring fire, the few pieces of fireproof clothing he has left keep him decent.

Pj keeps pushing on Dan's shoulder, making him fall further into the flames.

Phil watches onward and giggles. Chris shakes his head at all three of them.

Chris points between Dan and Pj.

'This will only end in tears.'

'His tears.' They both reply in sync. They stare at each other.

Dan facepalms. 'Oh great. Call an exorcist.'

Chris laughs. 'I thought exorcists were an 'other nation' thing?'

Dan squints, returning to the fire. 'I don't know.'

Pj shrugs. 'I know what they are, but I've never met one. I think they were in a book Louis and I used to read.'

'Not Sophie?' Phil asks.

Pj shakes his head. 'Wasn't the book kind as a kid. Lucy is though.'

Phil smiles.

'Is Sophie happy?'

Pj huffs. 'Happier than I've ever seen her. Louis too, though Louis's always been super content. Jamie's getting there as well.'

'Are you?' Phil asks.

Pj stares at him. Chris looks between them, silently waiting.

'Can't you tell?' Pj questions.

Phil nods.

Pj's aura is the healthy green again, the one he's barely seen. A dark green. The black is gone, replaced by a small patch of blue. He's healed.

'Time gets rid of guilt, but you have to give time a chance.' Phil shrugs. 'We all did.'

Chris squints at Phil.

'Is that good or bad?' Chris inquires.

Phil turns to him. 'Good. Pj's getting better.'

The two of them look at Pj, who gives them a thumbs up, and proceeds to push Dan into the fire again.

'Hey!' Dan cries out.

 _'Hey.'_ Pj mimics.

Chris laughs. 'You alright Dan?'

Dan stops swatting at Pj to look at Chris.

'I'm good.'

Phil looks at Dan's aura, bright burning blue.

'He's good.' Phil repeats.

Chris continues looking at Dan.

'Tell me about it.'

Dan stares at him for a second, before sitting in the fire. The flames only cover his lower body.

'I feel more comfortable with this.' Dan points out. He pulls some fire into his hands, raises it, and flares it out of his finger tips. 'I feel more comfortable with me.'

'Why?' Pj questions.

Dan smiles at him.

'I think everyone has the potential to be happy. To be happy, I had to be comfortable with myself, and who I am, and who I wanted to be. ' He swallows. 'You don't have to be afraid of change. You have to accept it, and accept yourself. Anybody that doesn't accept you, doesn't deserve you.'

Chris nods at him.

'Very well spoken.'

Dan grins.

'How are you Chris?' Dan asks. 'You helped me be less sad, and that's made me enjoy life. How are you?'

Chris shrugs, running a hand through his hair.

'He's still a dingo.'

Chris scoffs. 'Fucking rude Peej.'

Pj grins at him, and then back at Dan. 'It's okay, he loves me.'

Dan laughs, and looks back at Chris.

Chris sighs.

'Aside from having to deal with him-'

'-I'm great-'

'-When he's like this, I'm good.'

A few seconds of staring at the fire.

'Care to elaborate?' Phil questions.

Chris looks at one of his best friends. He sighs again.

'I've spent my whole life being happy and unhappy simultaneously. I never knew how to feel, because I had a lot of hurdles to defeat, a lot of guilt to get by, a lot of promises to keep.' He smiles. 'I took a not calculated risk, and lead to amazing things. I fell in love, I fought a war. Risk lead to bad things to, we all know that.' He swallows. 'At the end of the day, if you don't take risks, you don't get anywhere. If you don't take risks, you'll never be happy, you'll never live a simple, or amazing, life. If you don't take risks, you'll never make your own home. If you don't take risks, all you'll do for your whole life is survive, you'll never learn to let go, or be happy...'

Chris coughs.

'You okay?' Pj asks, his previous joking vanished, concern evident.

Chris nods at him.

'I love you. I found a home with you.' Chris tells Pj. Pj smiles at him. 'I nearly lost you.' Chris closes his eyes. 'I took a risk, one risk, to fall in love, and it started all of this.'

'We've all taken risks.' Phil reminds him. Chris looks at him.

Chris shrugs.

'And I think we're all happy.' Chris nudges Phil. 'Are you Philly?'

'Am I happy?' Phil asks.

Chris nods.

Phil exhales.

'I always thought that being different meant I never could be happy. But being different means that, I can help people. I've met super amazing people, I've loved them and fought with them. Freedom comes from acceptance and equality, I learnt to accept that I'm free. I'm excited for life. I'm in control of myself, and my own mental state. I'm free, and everyone I love is free. Freedom leads to happiness, and look at us.' Phil grins.

'So you are happy Buddy?' Chris asks.

He looks back at Chris. 'I'm a little different from the rest of the world, we all are. I'm ecstatic about it.'

Chris grins at him.

'You're certainly different Phil.' Chris tells him.

'Are you annoyed about it?' Phil jokes.

Chris winks at him.

'No.'

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The trip to the lakes ends with a long embrace and a promise to write from everybody.

The walk back the mountains consists of bowed concealed heads and hands that ache to be held.

The arrival back at the mountains consists of long embraces and a feeling of renewal.

Sophie, Louis, Jamie, and Lucy all missed them. Pj always misses home when he's gone. Home is where he craves.

Chris didn't think he understood that until they returned to it again.

This time, Chris feels it too.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The mountains are as noisy as ever.

There's another house change. Sophie and Louis stay by themselves, with their daughter. Pj and Chris move in with Jamie. Jamie's parents move in with Sophie's. Pj's sister moves in with her brother, Jamie, and Chris.

It's summer. Lucy's just over a year old, she's not as small anymore. She's still the spitting image of her father.

Pj thinks the oddest thing about seeing her grow up, is knowing the circumstances behind her. How scared her parents were, and how they've flourished having her.

In Lucy's growing up, he sees time passing in human form. He can think back to how he's felt and compare it to now.

Chris sees her and remembers what was done to him, and recollects that it never has to happen again.

The world fixes itself, but to keep it free, equal, and a home that we can all love and be loved in, that is the job of humanity.

Chris finally regards himself as human now.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

At the end of one long working day, Pj asks the group.

'Can we go swimming? I don't think we've gone since I came back.'

Sophie grins down at her daughter.

'Lucy's never been.'

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

They take the walk following the rivers. Jamie holds Lucy up as she stumbles through her walk. She still isn't talking.

Pj notices Chris tensing his hand as she nearly falls over. Pj rolls his eyes when he realizes Chris is holding her up too.

'That girl is so never going to learn to do anything for herself.'

Chris smiles.

'It's better than her having to do everything for herself.'

Pj laughs with him, and takes his spare hand. His skin still leaves Pj's tingling.

Chris looks over at him, he looks younger than he ever has before.

Pj feels almost guilt-free. He can work past anything he has left, he will work past it. Bad things happened, and love helped him through it. He'd be nowhere without love. He still has bad nights, and sometimes bad days, but he can get past it.

'Thank you, for everything.' Pj tells him.

Chris rolls his eyes.

'You've more than paid me back.' Chris holds up his wrist, Pj sees his bracelet on Pj's wrist. 'Everything I gave you, you gave me back.'

'Isn't that what love is?'

A pause.

'It could be, and I love you. You know that.' Chris smiles.

There's a splash. Pj hears infant laughter, Sophie's laughter, and Louis's complaints.

He looks up, and the sky is blue and clear.

He takes a deep breath, and looks back at Chris.

'I do.' Pj whispers. 

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Years later, the new government destroyed the remnants of the abnormal tower.

Chris and Pj watched through a television screen, a breath held in their lungs, and their eyes wide.

The rubble hit the ground, and the tower was felled.

The city that Chris grew up in looks extremely alive now, walls have been painted with signatures and pictures.

The world is starting again.

Chris turns off the television, he takes Pj's hand.

The different are free to do what they want. The different choose to get some sleep.

Their past is not forgotten, but let go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, so that's finished and uploaded and I can carry on with my life now.
> 
> Please tell me what you thought and feel about it. I've received lots of lovely comments and that has been what's made writing this story so enjoyable.
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading xxxx


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